Relationships and Marriage: Alternatives to Being Alone vs. Unhappily Involved, 2 Case Studies

We receive many inquiries from people agonizing over the choice between staying in an unhappy, unsatisfying relationship or leaving and potentially being alone. The majority of them are more worried about being alone for the rest of their lives and because of this, remain stuck in their relationships.

There are other options, as we outline below, especially if you are willing to view your situation from a more spiritual perspective.

Case study problem #1:

"When I was 25 I met the love of my life, John, yet he broke up with me after 2 years. We remained best friends and the affair never really ended. I always compared everyone to him, and he always came back to me when in trouble. Eventually, we got back together. I've caught him cheating four times in the last three years and I don't know if I can take it again, but the idea of being on my own seems worse to me...."

Traditional thinking and solution:

Turn a blind eye to your partner's infidelities and be grateful you have someone in your life. You've invested all this time together and it would be a shame to throw it all away.

Alternative Suggestion:

You are allowing him to continue to disrespect you because you're afraid to be alone. Though your situation is karmic, it's in your best interest to use your free will to react compassionately. Take back your power, be strong, and bow out. You will be free to work on yourself and eventually meet someone who is more respectful and compatible.

How much time you've invested with each other is never a good reason to stay together, especially if he's betraying your trust. Look at it this way, the spiritual (most important) reasons for relationships are about learning, understanding, and growth; how long they last is irrelevant. Many people place great importance on the length of a relationship, but if it's done it's done, even if a couple stays together. Besides, as soon as he betrayed your trust, the relationship died as you knew it. As far as him being the love of your life, you don't know that for sure until the end of your life.

Alternative Suggestion:

If you can't live without him (and you probably can), redefine the relationship and tell him his actions have shown you that he cannot or will not be monogamous. Since the problem with cheating is ultimately more about dishonesty than sex (other than insecurity about the loss of a partner or fear of disease), your relationship may work, in a different form, if he is willing to be brutally honest when he feels like straying, and does so safely and responsibly. But you would need to be very adult-like in how you handle his confessions, and it's likely that he would not be able to handle you dating other people. Both of you seeing this all from a spiritual perspective (everyone has many soul mates, no one owns anyone, sex is not love and doesn't have to be exclusive to traditional love relationships, sex purely for the enjoyment of sex between two consenting adults is perfectly acceptable, etc.) would also help a lot.

Case study problem #2:

"I didn't automatically ‘click' with my boyfriend Jason, yet we shared a world view, and we ended up moving in together and building a life. He's the most loving and genuine man I've ever met, yet I often think about the bond I had with a previous lover that doesn't seem to be there with Jason. I've considered ending it, but I don't want to be alone and I worry that perhaps I'm asking for too much, and running after a dream that isn't real..."

Traditional thinking and solution:

You can't have everything in a relationship, and you should feel lucky that you've found a good person to be with.

Alternative Suggestion:

Though it's good to realize that "Prince Charming" or the perfect partner does not exist, your attraction to Jason is based on your logical mind reasoning about why you should like him, should be attracted to him, and should feel that connection with him.

But as you know, you don't feel that connection with him. It's either there, or it isn't, and between you two, it's not. This is not your fault or his, it just is what is. Perhaps you cite a fear of hurting his feelings as the reason why you don't break up with him. After all, he is such a nice guy.

Think of your situation this way: you are being selfish. Breaking up with him would be doing him a favor; he would be available for someone more compatible with whom he would share that special connection that you two don't have. The comprehensive numerology and astrology natal and timing charts, along with psychic insight, tell us you both are better off as friends. If you are unhappily involved or single and fear being alone it's within your power and your free will to learn to love your time alone. But first you must confront the fear of solitude and discover its origins. Even if past lives are just metaphors in your subconscious mind, regression therapy can help, as can meditation.

Copyright © Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo

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