Always an Option, Never a Choice


If you want me in your life, put me there. I don’t have to fight for a spot. I’m not a back-up plan and definitely not a second choice.


I acted like it wasn’t a big deal, when in reality, it was breaking my heart.


It was so easy for him to say NO to me even he already promised the YES. When plans changes, I’m the one who will always become the option. I never felt he’d given me a little of his time to prioritize what I need, what I want from this relationship.


Flashback:

The love was so fresh and new. We spend some time with each other quite so often. We don’t bend and break rules for the sake of our love. Such a wonderful feeling of being in love.

When the time came that distance forbid us to see each other again, we always find a way. We took all the chances, all the free pass time gave us. No wonder I did love our love so much. It’s more than perfect.

The wheel of love was always in motion. We also have to suffer trials and problems life brings. But then, we know what to do. Just hold on, never let go and let the wheel turn again.

He kept all his promises; he kept all his words to me. I can feel how much he treasured every moment we had.

He always calls in the middle of any day just to say I love you and that he cares. He would skip hang-out sessions of his friends just to chat with me. He would say no to trips when he knows I’m sad and lonely and needed someone to wipe the silent loneliness growing inside my heart.

He’s always there...


Fast-forward:

Somehow, he grew tired of our once perfect love. But I never did. I always love our relationship more than ever. He learned how to say No to me every time I would ask him to hang-out and talk.

He would make up excuses not to be there when I needed him most. He would choose his friends rather than settle our problems; he would choose other people to be with him rather than me.

But talk about cancelled plans with them, I would be the one who will save his "planned time". It's like he only remembers me when there's nobody in the picture. I never said NO to everything he asked me even if it means giving up all my time for myself and for everybody else.

But the most painful thing was, he would promise me something and then break it over and over in front of my face. Like the time we made plans for over a year and when time comes, he would choose the other way around because someone is much important to him, someone is much special than me that he would rather break my heart than say NO to them. It's like he’s now shielding his heart to our love.

I would understand if reasons were valid but they weren't. Promises are sacred; it was made for someone to fulfil, not break. What was easy for him to do was promise, break it and say sorry.

And me? I would just cry in a corner and wipe my own tears with my own hands. Then everything would be okay again to me. You see, I would do everything for him.

I fell in love at him at first sight, waited for another 3 years to become his friend and never loved and looked for another all those times. He's my first love and hoping he would be the last.


Somehow, the pain and scars of his ruthless actions are starting to heal; but not entirely; since one time or another it will bleed again.

He never said goodbye. Why is it so easy for him to ignore me after all what we’ve gone through? Why is it so easy for him to say NO when he knows it will break my heart everytime he treats me as a back-up plan?

Is it because he knows and will always know that I would never ever leave him?

A heart wouldn’t beat forever on the same note. It will grow tired of just staying on the same line without appreciating its beat. I’ve fought so hard to protect my spot in his life but if he really wants me there, I don’t have to fight for it, right?

The perfect love we once had turned into a perfect unperfect love now. We stay this way for quite some time now; just little messages from time to time and we never see each other again personally.

I love him more than anyone, more than ever. But the wheel of love will soon start rolling again and maybe at that time, I will be able to stop it from crushing my heart.



I don’t hate you. I’m just disappointed you turned into everything you said you’d never be.

Yeah, I know, just like seasons, people change.


© 2012 Mycee. All Rights Reserved.

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Comments 53 comments

snowdrops profile image

snowdrops 4 years ago from The Second Star to the Right

Wow!!! Defintely a must read. Is this really happening to you right now or this is just a creation of your imagination..let alone all those experiences we have.

Great write.


christin53 profile image

christin53 4 years ago from UK

I think a lot of people feel the way you do but as you say seasons change and so do people. Sometimes we have to move on with a broken heart but the one thing we do have are the happy memories.


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 4 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

Being in love is something very special, but unfortunately sometime we fall out of love, it doesn't have to be anyone's fault, it happens and someone gets hurt.

Nothing can take away the hurt but if the breakup is done sensitively, one can walk away knowing it was good, but it has ended.

It is cruel to prolong the agony, this is very sad but scars heal.

Thank you Unknown for sharing, my best wishes to you.


Janhorner 4 years ago

Wow, powerful stuff this and I loved every word. This is pure love feelings and very real. You have a gift for this type of writing.

Jan


Cyndi10 profile image

Cyndi10 4 years ago from Georgia

Love is wonderful, but love is also fickle. Sometimes no rhyme or reason for falling in or falling out. It just is. But it can be so painful. Well written, but sad.


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

I know the feeling. Like someone you were so sure of stole so much of your life and you can't move on, you can't say it was all for nothing although you know it was. So unjust and unfair and not a thing to do about it.


Ghaelach 4 years ago

Hi M.

A powerful hub.

With all the broken promises and the change in him may be he never was the right one for you. As they say LOVE is blind.

LOL Ghaelach


Angelme566 profile image

Angelme566 4 years ago

Oh my God another moving , touching , tearing piece. I can so relate with this... People will then say , leave him ! It is so easy for them to say that , but we the concern can even not take a step , because we look at it differently , we feel it in a different manner..

It is so hard to tame the heart , it moves and listen to no one not even to thy own self. Love is tiring , confusing but still beautiful..

I super love this hub , like it speaks my mind..

Voted all and shared !


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

You should never be a second choice in anyone's life. You know it, I know it.....none of us should be.

Beautiful and passionate, painful and oh so real.


TToombs08 profile image

TToombs08 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

Heart quicksand...the harder you fight to get out, the more you get sucked in. *sigh* Been there like so many of us...and we survive, somehow. Great hub, voted up and more.


Janhorner 4 years ago

Hi TToombso8 loved your review. The quicksand - great!

Jan


estherluzfranco profile image

estherluzfranco 4 years ago from Philippines

sorry to mention this but, i cried while reading your hub. I know what you feel. I have also felt it. it is so hard for me to accept everything right now. I have already wasted much of my time just to wait for someone whom I thought would be the one. He also said that he does love me.. but then right now, he is taking it all back. i'm into much pain right now. Since the beginning, i have thought that i was really his choice but then in reality (which I kept on denying) i was just his option and his second, maybe third choice. He was also so sweet to me than any other girls.

However, we did not go into any long distance relationship. infact we never did have any relationship. that's why i have waited for him (he already say those promises and sweet words but never acted on them)

Though until I could still not take the pain and heartache away since I am still seeing him anywhere I go.. especially when I go to church.

I'm still confused, heartbroken, and in much pain. no advice and any activities could take that pain away. =(


Curiad profile image

Curiad 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

Beautiful and from the heart M, I do know exactly what you speak of. In my case, I finally did leave after being "taken" for many years.

You my dear are a jewel and not anyone's "backup plan!"


Koshaugh profile image

Koshaugh 4 years ago from Indianapolis

"Just like seasons, people change." So true and so painful sometimes! This is a very well written hub. It's so hard to be in love with someone and know you are just their "back-up plan."


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 4 years ago from Central Florida

Beautiful, Spy. You're right. You are not the back up plan! Never settle, beautiful lady. Your knight in shining armor is on his way. Let go of the one who broke your heart, so he can find you!


p10kabhijita profile image

p10kabhijita 4 years ago from India

We all have been through what you speak of here. Sharing will definitely help. I am glad you did. I know more people who are in the same boat right now. For the benefit of my friends, I will surely share this. My best wishes are with you.


kashmir56 profile image

kashmir56 4 years ago from Massachusetts

Yes my friend love can be the most wonderful feeling, but also to it can be the most hurtful feeling as well . That is the chance you take when you love .

Vote up and more !!!


ChristyWrites profile image

ChristyWrites 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

Such a heartbreaking hub that carries so much truth. Being second choice is not right, you are better than that!


writer20 profile image

writer20 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

You've written such a beautiful sad story and I'm so sorry if this is you.

Most of us go through a bad time like this.

Voted up awesome and interesting, Joyce.


shiningirisheyes profile image

shiningirisheyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

Your opening sentence was kick a_ _! Empowerment personified.

Very sad description of emotion all too familiar to many of us.

Great write.


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW

So sad... but amazing expression... and all too true for many...You should write a song about it...like Adele's 'Someone Like You'... voted up & shared.


kj force profile image

kj force 4 years ago from Florida

Regardless of what you think was..wasn't..this was a ruse to break down your " psychy"..it is a ploy used by many and breaks even the strongest..It targets ALL emotions...thus one en they walk away, leaving us as one big ball of "goo". However when this passes, we are stronger than before..lesson learned the hard way..you did an awesome job with this hub..your writes are really getting deep..consider a book...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

I felt this one deep down inside..Love hurts..Beautifully penned..


thecrazzykylex profile image

thecrazzykylex 4 years ago from Incredible India!

I was just swayed away by your hubs. But why it has to end? :( Really love your writing, Spy! You're making more of a diehard fan, now! Feel so inspired


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up. Strong and powerful. Keep in mind that no matter how painful people who change like the seasons are not worth your time or your tears. Turn toward the future and find someone who is worthy of your love and will love you in return.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

@snowdrops, thank you for the support! this is half-mine half-others. hehe

@christin, thank you for the comment, yeah sometimes we have to move one and face tomorrow.

@Jo, yeah,we dont hold the beat of their hearts and when that happens, we just have to let that person go where he can be happy. but the pain for letting go really hurts.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

@Jan, oh that's soo sweet. wish i can do better. i think that my writing is pretty childish?

@Cyndi..thanks a lot! i agree that we have no reason for falling in or falling out. it just happens.

@Jackie, it's like you've given them your whole heart and one day, they wanted to give it back but you just couldn't take it back from them.


girishpuri profile image

girishpuri 4 years ago from NCR , INDIA

Someone has said, always go to the option who consider you as priority, not as a stepny,

very nice hub,

voted up,

Girish


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hi Ghaelach. Thank you for stopping by. Love doesnt mind. :)


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Angel, thank you so much for taking time to read and share this hub. A person who loved truly can never just let it go in a blink of an eye the love once cared. Its really diferent, from someone who is just saying from someone who is feeling the hurt.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Thank you sir. Your kind words means a lot to me. i know..but if making me his 2nd choice would make him happy, then let it be..


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Yeah! how come i didnt think of it..the more you fight and teach yourself to be brave and let go, the more you find yourself losing all the courage you have. Thanks TT and Jan!


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hi Mark, thanks for the lovely word. I wish i am but im not :(


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

@Kosh, thank you so much for the comment. seasons change but after some time, they go back again..i wished it was that simple..

@Brave, wished I could but he's the only one I've ever loved.

@p10kabhijita, thank you. sharign really can help ease a wounded heart.

@Kashmir..yeah, its a risk thign to do, falling in lvoe.but he's worth it. :)

@Christy, Thank you Christy..wish i'll be back to only choice like before :)

@Joyce, yeah, it really happened one time in my life..(ill jsut omit the depression stage) :) hehe

@shining, hehehe thank you! i agree the opening sentence is a kick a__! heheh!

@Carter..Oh I love someone like you of adele! like also the "it hurts when love fails" of nelson del castillo.

@KJF..love really is about everything..well, lesson learned. we have to be hurt to know whats important to us, must go every pain to be strong. well, i really cannot write, much more a book. i think im just a trying hard writer here. HP is full of wonderful people and im also looking for the things i might gain along my way..


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

@Ruby, thank you for the nice words.

@Crazzy, i am so inspired by your superb message! I love it! (it doesnt have to end, im still breathing..there is always the chance of a better tomorrow).

@Gyspy..thanks Gyspy..maybe someday i'll learn how to live alone again..

@Girish..the best..we sometimes overlooked people who loved us, who are willing to take an extra mile for us without asking that you'll make them your priority next time. Thanks!


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

my dear Esther, is he your bestfriend?

have you tried asking him what he really feels for you? well, that may sounds real awkward since we are girls, girls supposed to wait..

why did you say you have no relationship? saying i love you's and making promises are way beyond friendship.

i know the feeling when you said you've wasted so much time waiting for him - unsure and endless right? i've also learned from experience exactly as yours but i've been treated as his only choice not an option, but still, love was never meant to be.

i've fought so hard to mend what's broken but only to realized that only a new love can heal a broken heart.


CrazedNovelist profile image

CrazedNovelist 4 years ago from Hampton, GA

I said "oh wow" when I finished this. Your writing is so coherent and crisp. You did such a good job with tone and mood and I found myself relating to the character, though I can't say I've been in that particular situation. I do know, though, what it's like to be ignored by someone you love. That is the most devastating thing. People are just like seasons? That's brilliant!! Loved it. :)


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Crazed, your comment made my heart smile. You're so sweet and kind to give me such wonderful words. Thank you so much ^;^


EuroNinila profile image

EuroNinila 4 years ago from NYC BABY

"Just like seasons, people change", I like it. You are a great writer and I really like your style. Sorry this guy was a jerk to you, you know you deserve better. Once someone you are with puts their friends first there is something wrong. Love means you enjoy that persons company so it should come natural that they would always want to hang out with you. You are lovely and smart I can tell just by the way you write, you deserve to be treated like a princess :)


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

EuroNinila, thank you for your kind words. Once upon a time, he treated me like a princess..more than that..When he went away, he showed me more. But then, like seasons, summer love become winter...love becomes cold and freezes over.

hehe thank you for the compliment. made me smile! :))


fjpteach profile image

fjpteach 4 years ago from Humble, TX

Love, love, love this hub! It is so real and makes me think of my failed attempt at love. Very well written! Thanks for sharing Unknown : )


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

FJP, thank you a hundred times ^;^

well, yes, one time in my life, i've journeyed through these quicksand..


Rosalinem 4 years ago

Unknown spy , this is just fantastic. You write in such a moving way that I am just lost into the story until the end. Its hurts so much when your friends or family put you second and if this story is about you then its just sad because you are an awesome person. Great writing and keep it up. This was worth the wait to read after the break I took. Voted up, interesting , awesome and much more.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hi Rosaline! Glad you stopped by..How's vacation? When are you going back? 1st week of July? Check myhub, the Fellow Hubbers tribute Part 1.....


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

hahaha sorry my bad..its Part 2!


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

Very touching write. I understand your hurt when one loves someone with all his heart and is ignored. Still why do you want to become an option .Yes, it will be difficult but you got to take charge of your life and get someone who wants you as a choice not an option.

Life cannot stop at one person and no one is worth longing for if he cannot reciprocate love. I can read into your words so deep yet I want you to brace up and move forward. Life is too precious to be wasted for some ungrateful people, unknown spy.

Voted up and beautiful.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Rajan, I am so pleased to read your message.. I nver gave up my love and my promise to him that no matter what happens, i'm going to stick by his side, in all ups and downs of our life. things got better now and love has come back. i can say, it's been one good trial to overcome.. ^;^


Olde Cashmere profile image

Olde Cashmere 4 years ago from Michigan, United States

You really put your heart on the line and that is brave of you M. No matter the outcome, you have a great love to give and you will find it in return. Beautiful writing my friend, voted up, beautiful, awesome, and interesting.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Thank you for reading James!! I appreciate it much.


CarlySullens profile image

CarlySullens 4 years ago from St. Louis, Missouri

This is so moving. The rawness and vulnerability you put into your words touches people beyond cognitive reflection. You know the darkness and the sting of pain, you speak of it honestly. I enjoy your writing so much. Your hurts mirror mine and so many. You found the words most have not in expressing this pain.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hi Carly, you're right..the sting of pain really hurt the heart. the hub speaks not only me but to those who felt the same way too..


Midnight Lights profile image

Midnight Lights 4 years ago from USA

Love should be mutual, you shouldn't have to feel like you are excessively fighting for your part in it, but maybe just a little sometimes as we do all get distracted by lives responsibilities and stresses. Everything you wrote is all to common of an occurrence. They start out wonderful, and turn into who are you? I guess they got all they wanted and are through. I do believe it's called bi-polar, and they couldn't commit to anything their whole lives, not just anyone in particular for any particular reason, of course, it could be ADD, ADHD, or any other mental condition. I mean, unless something happened that just totally turned them off. Don't you just sometimes wish they'd tell you what it was, the truth can hurt.. but at least we know.. (if it's really the truth that is)... but I guess it's really hard to just say to someone, I think your voice and demeanor are really strange, I'm just not into you, so let's just be friends (and then that doesn't even work out sometimes) lol. Interesting article.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hello Midnigh Lights..wow, very cool pen name. Well, I dont really know, it's a feeling that is vry relatable to..yeah agrre. it's very hard to tell someone the truth because we know, that it will really give them pain. we as a human being, as much as possible, we hide so as to save someone's feeling though.

thanks ML for reading!

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