Angry All the Time

intense anger
intense anger

Do you know someone who is perpetually angry? They seem to walk around with a chip on their shoulder and fly off at the least little thing? I'm betting you do.

What if this person is someone you dearly love?

What if this person is you?

"Angry All the Time" Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

Living with Anger and Hostility

It can be extremely difficult living with an angry person. You begin to make excuses for it and even blame yourself for some things. "Oh, it's my fault, I knew he/she wasn't in a good mood, I shouldn't have asked them that question or made that noise". You begin tip-toeing through life hoping you won't upset them. You caution others around you that it's not a good time right now.

How long can a person live like that? Evidently, some are able to do it their entire lives. I have to ask myself what kind of life is that? What are the short and long term effects of living in a hostile environment?

Why do we tolerate behavior(s) in our own home that we would never tolerate in a workplace or school? Why do we settle and make excuses? What can we do about it? What if the angry person refuses to acknowledge they need help? What if you don't yet realize you need help?

Answers

I'd love to tell you I have the answers on how to deal with anger. I do understand the frustration. I do understand not knowing who to turn to when you need help.

Unfortunately, I probably have more questions than I do answers. I don't have a grasp of all of the mental illnesses that can cause someone to be frustrated and angry. But, I do realize that when anger is causing damage to a relationship or a person's health, it's time to reach out for help. Help is out there. You don't have to suffer it alone.

If you're reading this you obviously have access to the computer. Click on the links below. There is a ton of information there. Do Google searches for "handling anger". There will be something that will help you.

If you haven't already, you could join HubPages and write about your anger or what's it like to deal with an angry person. You can do it totally anonymously. It's a great outlet.

Violence is not acceptable. If you or someone you know has been a victim of domestic violence you must seek help immediately. Don't wait, things rarely, if ever, get better without intervention.

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Comments 45 comments

Pachuca213 7 years ago

Good Hub....now whether or not we all have had Abusive experiences I am sure all of us know someone who is always in a bad mood and we find ourselves feeling like we are walking on eggshells....This is a great hub and I am sure most of us can relate!


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

Thanks Pachuca....I just regret I don't have all the answers. I can only hope that some of the resources will help someone or at least make them realize they are not alone in the situation and that it's not normal to have to live that way. There are people out there that can help.


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

Good hub!! I lived walking on these eggshells for YEARS..I truly believed it was all my fault, their anger over whatever, was all my fault. It's hard to reach people in this situation if they don't want to hear it, but at least you spoke up!! Grrr those darned disrepectful parkers.. I'm so angry for you!!!


Pachuca213 7 years ago

yes there are people out there who can help. I did a consultant job before researching and providing a database on all the resources within the state that focused on Domestic Violence aid resource centers....in California alone there are over 175 places one can seek help.


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

Candie....I think that's a big part of the problem with dealing with angry people. People tend to blame themselves and rationalize it. Anger is someone's way of handling some frustration they feel (real or imagined). It's very real to them and they don't know how to handle it so they lash out.

(Candie's referring to another hub I published tonight about people parking in my yard and blocking my driveway...called "Parking Etiquette".)


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

Wow...that's really good to know Pachuca! I think sometimes, if they would just call someone they trust and let THAT person do some of the research or make some calls because sometimes you can be quite emotional trying to do it yourself. I know sometimes people are too embarassed to speak up, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. We all know someone like this.


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

I'm supporting you and advertising for you!! Can I park in your driveway?


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

Anytime you want, Candie! Just leave me room to get out and I won't have to beat your headlights out with my bat. LOL


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

I've never lived with someone who was angry all the time, but I have come across such people and it saddens me that they can't find something to be happy about...life is full of such endless possibilities, isn't it?


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

I do agree, Feline. I'm not a doctor, but I'm guessing they must surely have some type of depression that just keeps them from thinking about things that way. It hurts me to see it too. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Suffering is so unneccesary.


Paper Moon profile image

Paper Moon 7 years ago from In the clouds

Wow. What a good hub. (shhh, my wife is angry all the time. don't tell her I was here. well not all the time..... really it was just the one time. 3:am, it was dark. I had left the toilet seat up. I heard a large splash before all the hollering started. woke the neighbors cat up on that one)


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

LOL.....that's cute, Paper Moon! A splash in the middle of the night is never nice.


Gin Delloway profile image

Gin Delloway 7 years ago

nice hub! I like it ;)


alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

KCC, I can really relate. I have two daughters, one is perpetually angry and the other is just the opposite. Unfortunately, I have a lot of guilt about the angry one. Guess I feel that somehow it's my fault. Intellectually, I know it probably isn't and, even if it is, I should forgive myself at some point. I'm working on this, but it's not easy.


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

Thanks Gin, glad you enjoyed it.

Alekhouse, your daughter's anger is not your fault, no matter what. She is free to choose how to be. She chooses to be angry, although she may feel she has no choice. She has things she needs to work through. EFT is a great way to work through that (for her or you). I have a video on my "De-Cluttering" hub about it.


ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 7 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

There is a lot of anger and frustration in the world these days. It can be hard to cope with.


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

I agree Ethel. We just have find outlets for it and make every attempt to diffuse situations and try to relax.


lxxy profile image

lxxy 7 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

I crack jokes, tell the person it's all good, and that they're not going to get anywhere with me if they're angry. Even some of my customers and patrons.. "Hey, you can talk to the boss..that would be me, and he says politely...GTFO!"


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

Lxxy: That is an excellent way to diffuse the situation! Thanks for adding that comment and thanks for stopping by!


Lucey Knight profile image

Lucey Knight 7 years ago from North Richland Hills, Texas

Thanks KCC for sharing this Hub. Very Interesting. There are some very good resources in your hub.


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

Thanks Lucey! Hopefully, they will help someone who needs some advice.


R. Blue profile image

R. Blue 7 years ago from Right here

My motto is "Make Love not War"


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

Does it always work, RBlue?


dennisematt 7 years ago

My Dad was the perfect example of constant anger and I learned the "its-all-my-fault" behavior at an early age. It set me up to think it was all I deserved, and thought all men acted like that. I then went thru a couple pretty mentally/emtionally abusive realtionships, before ending up with my husband. He has helped me so much. I really don't have answers, but I know what it is like to live with an angry nasty person!!!I do know that you don't have to just quietly accept the abuse. You are allowed to stand up for yourself and tell the person,"this isn't my fault. I don't deserve to be treated like this."


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

Dennise, there are so many people like you that grew up in that environment and accepted that they were at fault. I'm glad you realized that you didn't deserve that and you have someone now that can help you sort through that. Good for you! Thanks for stopping by!


Juliet Christie profile image

Juliet Christie 7 years ago from Sandy Bay Jamaica

There are so many individuals out in the world who are the nicest souls. They are so pleasant to every one but when they come home it is something else. All that anger they have been supressing thumbles out both on spouses and children. What does one do about that . If you tell some pne about ot they would say you are lying. Nice hub man


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

Thanks Juliet. I know it must be tough for those with a spouse like that. I'm going to assume for a moment that it's you we're talking about. If not, apply to your friend or whoever.

I think in cases like that the one feeling like the anger is out of control needs to elicit the help of a semi-neutral third party...someone who knows you both who can try to sit and work through some of what's bothering that person that they feel they have to bottle it and then lash at their family. They need alternate ways of dealing with their angry. Maybe they could stop off at the gym on the way home and hit a punching bag for 20 minutes, or swim or do something physical. Just my thoughts.


GLORY 7 years ago

It is really difficult to be angry all the time.Anger can be managed by thinking positively.Our positive thoughts can control our angry mood.

http://hubpages.com/health/Anger-Management-Help...


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas Author

I agree with you Glory...thanks for stopping by. "Angry" isn't our natural state and it is difficult to stay that way, but there are people who work hard at it. Thanks for the link to your hub!


David 6 years ago

I think the reason why there are people who are angry all the time is part genetic, part enviromental, and part organizational. There is more of a complexity to today's world then let's say 30 years ago. There are more single mothers today, which means more of a financial and time constraints. The Economy is almost at it's worst, which means less jobs. I think also we have seperated ourselves from Church and became the kings and queens of our own estate. Thirty years ago, people looked after each other. There were more family members present in the reguards to their children's protection and well-being. The big and most important reason that I think is that we have lost faith in humanity and even God.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

Ever since my divorce in 98 I became a changed man. I developed an anger problem and bitterness and anxiety attacks. It took me almost 10 years to get over it, but even to this day I have forgiven but I can't forget. It's awful what divorce can do to a person. Somewhere I lost myself through all the happenings around the divorce and never have fully recovered from it or found myself.. Thanks for sharing the hub, it brought back some testy memories. hah


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 6 years ago from Central Texas Author

That's the thing, Saddlerider1, anger can creep up on just about anyone when they're subjected to not-so-pleasant circumstances. It can take a long time to sort through those issues when so much emotion is involved. Glad to know you've come out the other side. Thanks so much for stopping by!


Robb 6 years ago

I find that a lot of angry people were once actually angels, but have been battered down so often and so frequently, there is nothing left of that person.

Some people are very unlucky, they play by the rules and still the world seems to take them on directly and with prejudice. Eventually, they adapt by fighting back against everyone.

Also, stop reading the paper. They tell you reading the news is good....that's somewhat true. I would suggest not reading the news more than once a week if you are an angry person. I'm like that, I stay to fluffy meaningless garbage and I'm happier for it.

I used to be angry a lot, now I just don't care and I"m much happier. Mind you I wouldn't lift finger to help this world anymore, but I'm in much better spirits since I've become selfish like everyone else! :)


That Girl 6 years ago

My mom always makes me cry. I don't know how, but she seems to always be angry and defensive. She asks me why I don't like her, and when I answer, she gets really angry and tells me bad stuff about me and punishes me. My dad, me, her mom, our cat, our relatives, and nobody else as far as I know, really likes her. They just tolerate her. She thinks she is perfect, and when people suggest she gets help, she lashes out. I have to wake up and fall asleep knowing she is on the other side of the wall and she can burst in at any time and blame for something I didn't do. She tries to overfeed my cat and tells me I abuse him.

My dad is another case. Often, when I ask a question or just say something that isn't top intelligence, he snaps at me. When I was younger I used to always cry, but now I don't get upset that much. It's till hard, because I can't tell him how I feel. He will usually interupt and make me feel stupid.

My parents have not had a normal conversation where they don't raise their voices for a long time. My mom hits me for petty things, like throwing out my cat's leftover food he didn't want. She hits me, slaps me, and scratches me. At one time, I had fingernail marks on my arm.

It's hard to live with someone who seems to hate you.


Preston 5 years ago

what happens to someone who has long term relationship that start out good and then go downhill because one person "attacks" verbally when they don't agree or get what they want.... and eventually the other person falls out of love and wants out...

WHEN will the person who is angry and attacks FACE that they are driving people away??


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 5 years ago from Central Texas Author

Thanks for stopping by Robb, That Girl and Preston!

Robb, I think you touched on something important. Sometimes, frustrated individuals just become angry as a way of coping. As you figured out, you realized if you stopped caring so much about the things that were frustrating you, you found you weren't angry as much.

That Girl, you don't mention how old you are, but regardless of your age, you shouldn't have to live under those conditions. I apologize for just now finding your post. It somehow showed up as spam so it didn't notify me when it was originally posted. You really need to confide in someone you trust about your situation. Your parents need counseling. I'm sorry you've been treated this way.

Preston, living with someone that is angry all of the time is tough. And yes, the person that is angry never realizes they are driving others away. In fact, they feel justified in their anger and can't understand why the rest of us don't get it. I'm guessing we don't actually fall out of love with them, but we just decide it's not worth being with someone who doesn't get help for their anger. It's tough....I know. Sometimes you do have to walk away if they won't get help.


Andrea 5 years ago

My mother in law and my husband seem to be angry all the time, there is 365 days in a year and from those 365 days in a year they seem to be happy only 65 days and the rest of the days they seem to be angry all the time, it has become a pattern, and they both do it at the same time is that crazy or what, there like two children and none of them are abusive but it seems a little ridiculos and then they take there anger out on me, and I have two kids and this is a little ridiculos the way this two act I just don't know what to do this two people act like jerks.


Aleda 5 years ago

This hub described my life with my husband to a tee. It's gotten worse with the passage of time too. He flips over the most minor things. I have told him it's like walking on eggshells whenever I'm around him. There have been DAYS that I have opted not to speak to him. Sometimes, it's hard to to gauge his mood so I try saying something and his response sets the mood of the day. Of course, there are days when I just can't tolerate the ill will and malice emanating off him. So I stick up for my opinions...only to have him infer that I am stupid, naïve, and have no basis of reality. Been married 3 1/2 years together 7, but I think my patience is running out.


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 5 years ago from Central Texas Author

Andrea: Sorry I missed responding to your post sooner. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with two people with anger issues. I do feel for you.

Aleda: I can totally relate to what you're going through.

Both: I have come to the conclusion that I cannot control another person's anger, but I can certainly control how badly I let them get to me. I try really hard to not take it personally or to react to them when they do it. It's hard sometimes. My patience wears then when they refuse to do anything about getting help for their anger. If they feel they have a problem and "can't help it", then it's time to get professional help. If they don't get the help that is needed then why do I need to waste my time? I realize it's tougher that it seems on paper. Emotions are involved, finances, and sometimes kids. But, you can't let someone that has trouble being happy bringing you down with them.

Good luck to you both and thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.


never give up 5 years ago

Bits and pieces of all comments posted are what I actually live with on a day-to-day basis. What I find best is just to ignore them, but I also am reaching my breaking point, where I am actually considering moving out. There's not much more I can take. I love life and I refuse to be dragged down to their angry hell.


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 5 years ago from Central Texas Author

Nevergiveup: there is only so much a person can take. Life's too short to live in hostile environment. I hope you're able to get the courage and/or resources to move out so that you can begin to enjoy life.


br 5 years ago

You're talking about my wife.

Im *always* afraid. Im measuring every word I speak. I avoid making phonecalls because I have no idea what she may overhear, misinterpret and get upset about. She hates all my friends, and has few friends herself, and is perpetually ranting about them at home. So I've stopped bringing them home. My family is an utter no-no. I call them from office, so she doesn't overhear.

Amazing thing is she's a really tenderhearted person, and does things for other most people wouldn't dream of doing. So this puts me in a horrible situation where the only person who have to bear her constant anger is me, and the only people who are afraid of her are me and my family (my mother had the misfortune of spending a couple of weeks with us 7 years ago; my wife eventually threw her out of the house! I couldn't do much besides help my mom get back home, to avoid making matters worse).

She sometimes acknowledges she has an anger problem, but will usually respond to suggestions of this kind with while hot fury.


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 5 years ago from Central Texas Author

BR, I'm sorry to hear that your wife is angry all the time. I can relate. Walking around on eggshells is never fun. When it's a spouse, it makes it tough because you love this person and want them to be happy more than anything. But, what do you do when nothing ever makes them happy?

BR, I hope you are able to talk to someone about how YOU feel....whether it's a friend, your mom, a co-worker, or better yet, a trained counselor. I see a psychologist to help me work through how I feel about what I'm going through. Good luck to you!


Sthnbelle12 5 years ago

I have been with my husband since I was fourteen years old--high school and college sweethearts. With every passing year, his anger continues to worsen. His mood sets the tone for our family's daily life. We can't go anywhere and have a good time together because of his bitterness and sarcasm. And even though he has never been physically abusive, I just don't know how much more I can take. He doesn't attack me personally, it's just his general demeanor. I'm a positive, outgoing person, but we have almost no friends to speak of. As a Christian and someone who vowed to never let my children be children of divorced parents, I don't want to end my marriage. I just don't know if I can live the rest of my life this way. I'm the one who takes the antidepressants. He only seems happy when he's drinking alcohol. He's an extremely hard worker, a good provider, loyal, and a devoted father...but the anger is killing me.


anonymous 4 years ago

I used to be angry all the time and get in lots of fights and arguments. I can now control my anger and don't fight, but I still feel angry all the time. The problem is that now that i've successfully suppressed my anger i've developed quite severe depression. I feel that I only have the two choices; releasing my anger like I used to (fighting etc) or depression. I am a very closed, socially awkward person and I feel almost emotionless. Either way both have a majorly negative effect on my life, alienating friends or potential friends etc.

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