Are Women Gerbils? A Diatribe About Stupid Women (You Know Who You Are)

Are women gerbils? No, because gerbils are pickier about who they'll mate with. We've all seen it. Stupid, mindless women that pick any man to date or marry. You know the guy. You can tell he's *playa* from a mile away. He's got a couple of teeth missing. Lookin' like something the cat threw up. Obviously on drugs. And can't wait to start kicking her ass?

You want to scream, "Girl, don't go there!" But you know good advice will go in one ear, ricochet through her empty head, and slide right out her left ear - an actual thought that will never see the light of day again. You're her girlfriend so you don't want to dump her. You figure you need to stick around to pick up her stupid behind later.

I've seen nature shows where a freaking little gerbil-like animal is choosier. I mean females in the animal kingdom make a potential mate *work*. She's got eggs for Christ sakes. They're precious. She's not wasting them on just any jerk in heat that comes along. If women applied half the judgment that a snail does when picking a mate, do you think men would have to improve their act just to "get some"?

I've seen women with men that looked like they scrapped them off the sidewalk, dusted them off, shook them out and then grinning happily and so self-satisfied, said, "I gotta man!" Yeah, yeah, I know most of them need a little cleaning off when you get them. I've known men that were wearing their drawers for an entire week when I got hold of them (who were the women with them before me?!!?). By the time I've finished with them, they're hittin' that shower, changing that underwear daily, and, look ma, no skid-marks!

Come on women, watch a nature show. See how the little birdie is ignoring the colorful little male birdie that is trying his darndest to please? Strutting his stuff? Showing his fancy colors? Talking crap (singing his heart out)? He's even building a nest. You women pick men that are still living on their mama's couches or on a mattress on the floor at their bud's house (I mean shack). See how she goes over, inspects the nest, and then rejects it and him? Not up to her standards. Oh wait, the little birdie has *standards* (check Wikipedia for the definition of "Standards")! Then get some.

You have precious eggs, don't waste them. When that clown at the local bar is buying you drinks (and probably slippin' in a mickey), cause he knows a stupid, I mean, a live one when he sees one - step back, think a moment (yeah I know its hard, make a copy of the meaning of standards and carry it around with you), remember this article and gerbils, snails, and little birdies. What would a little birdie do? To quote Elaine from 'Seinfeld', "Is he [even] sponge-worthy?"

If any of the above reminds you of somebody you know. You know, a "friend", cause surely not you. Feel free to pass this on. Help a fellow woman out.

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