Are You Forgiving, Can You Forgive, Will You Forgive

Are you forgiving

The English poet Alexander Pope (1688-1744) wrote: " To err is human, forgive divine." What a beautiful thought. My ex-husband used to accuse me( tongue in cheek) of being very forgiving, he would say that I never hold a grudge. I would wear that assessment of my character like a badge of honor. But these days I question that assessment. Now that's all I'm going to say on the subject.

The questions are; Are you of the forgiving sort? Can you let bygones be bygones? Can you overlook a slight? Can you just let it go? And do you hold on to a grudge like a hungry dog with a bone, a meaty bone at that? Let's examine these questions.


What does it mean to forgive

Before we go on let's define what it means to forgive, be forgiving, or to be a forgiver.

Most of us have our own definition, of to forgive, be forgiving, or to be a forgiver. However let's explore the dictionary meaning.

  • FORGIVE-------stop blaming or grant forgiveness, to absolve from payment, to excuse a mistake or offense
  • FORGIVING----providing absolution, able or inclined to forgive and show mercy
  • FORGIVER-----a person who pardons or forgives or excuses a fault or offense

These are just partial meanings, however, they're enough to examine our subject.

Nina Simone I Hold No Grudge

Are you forgiving

Based on the meanings above, an examination of the subject of forgiving is in order. For instance, when you are transgressed against, or think that you have been, can you excuse the mistake, offense or fault, or can you show mercy? In other words are you forgiving?

If you look at it from a biblical standpoint, "you forgive so that you can be forgiven." Even if you are not spiritual, that reason would still apply. Just as you want someone to do for you, you must do likewise to them, (the golden rule). For instance what if someone said that you talked too much, or had offensive body odor. Well do you?( Talk too much, or have offensive body odor). Think back haven't you said things about someone that was offensive, but maybe it didn't get back to them, but you said it nevertheless. If they learned of what you said, wouldn't you want them to overlook, forgive or show mercy to you? (I'm just saying).

The above mentioned offenses are relatively minor, but what if the offense is serious. Perhaps a family situation, work related, or personal friendships. There are so many ways that one can be transgressed against, that I'll let the reader contemplate those. There are serious transgressions, such as adultery, physical or sexual abuse that I won't address in this article, because these in themselves are separate topics for discussion. However, even with those situations, is there room for forgiveness, if for no other reason than, that you can go on with your life, not continuing to live in the past. Not necessary taking the person back into your life, but being able live in the present.  You've heard of individuals forgiving those that took the life of a loved one. Again let's not take this article there. (Just wanted to leave you something to think about).



Can you forgive and forget

You know the phrase "forgive and forget," well, in my opinion it's often misused. Some take it to mean that you actually put it out of your mind and forget that it ever happened. Actually you can't really forget unless you have a faulty memory. However, you can forget in the sense that you don't use it as a club, or a crutch. Forget in the sense of not holding the matter against the offender indefinitely. Forget in the sense that you use it as a reason not to commit the same offense. With that in mind, can you just do it, forget it?

Can you just forgive? You see forgiving is a choice that you can make, yes you can choose to excuse the mistake, offense etc, or maybe even show mercy to the offender. The reason you would choose to do so, is so that you can live in the here and now, and on into the future, not stay in the past.

In making choices, when you choose not to "forget" or forgive the offender, oftentimes you are the one that's affected the most. Think about this for a moment, when you're in the company of your supposed or real offender, what are you feeling? You have to try to avoid or ignore them, think of the energy this takes. Emotions and feelings that you've tried to suppress are brought to the surface yet again. And another otherwise beautiful day is ruined. Likely, the offender has moved on with their life and give little or no thought to you or the problem, their contact with you doesn't have the same effect on them as it does on you. How sad for you, that you've missed out on so many wonderful days, going through life motivated by anger and resentment.

Another thing to think about, maybe the "offender" didn't say or do what they're accused of, maybe they didn't think of it as offensive. You know the old proverbial fish story, how it grew the more the story was told. Could this be the case with this situation? What about a discussion with your "offender." So while the jury is still out could you, "brave the storm, with your hat in your hand, extend the olive branch, be the bigger person," and just talk to your "offender?" This might sound simplistic, but aren't some things just that, simply a matter of conversation. (Just saying)

The popular opinion is that to forgive is to show weakness, but in fact the opposite is true, for to forgive takes an awfully strong person, one that can stand up to the criticism from individuals that condemns his course of action. So, if you do forgive, think of the facet you can add to your character.

Will you forgive

Will you take the initiative to just forgive the offender? Not to trivialize the subject, this is not to say it will be a breeze, it will take a lot of work, not to mention, you will have to learn not to take yourself too seriously. Will you take the opportunity to make life better for you and those around you, by forgiving the offender, moving into the present and looking toward the future?

So if you do forgive you will stop blaming, you will grant forgiveness, you will absolve from payment, you will excuse the offense. Being forgiving you will provide absolution, you will forgive and you will show mercy. In addition if you are forgiving you will be one who pardons, you will be the one who forgives, and you will be the one who excuses a fault or an offense. All of that being said, WILL YOU FORGIVE?

Conclustion

So, back to the questions at hand:  ARE YOU FORGIVING, CAN YOU FORGIVE, WILL YOU FORGIVE, after some introspection, only you can answer those questions.

More by this Author


Comments 107 comments

Veronica Allen profile image

Veronica Allen 6 years ago from Georgia

I think this question will be mulled over for as long as time exist. Although forgiving someone (especially if they've wronged you deeply) can be hard to do, it's so much better for you physically, mentally, and spirtually. When you hold on to grudges, you can become so easily consumed with it, that it takes over your whole life. When I find it hard to forgive and forget, I automatically think about how holding onto things is going to effect me, and all the times I've wronged others. This is such a great reminder fastfreta, thank you.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

We all have to forgive, because if we don't forgive down here on earth, then our father in heaven want forgive us. Great hub. thanks for sharing. Godspeed. creativeone59


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you both for weighing in on this hub so quickly. I totally agree with you both on your assessments. And thank you Veronica for validating my thoughts about the toll it takes, on an individual by not forgiving, . See you again soon.


SEO IT! profile image

SEO IT! 6 years ago from Tucson, AZ

Very thought-provoking. I felt a twinge of discomfort which was probably good for me. Great hub!


BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 6 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City

Love Nina Simone! And I like what Mary McCleod Bethune said: 'Forgiving is not forgetting, it's letting go of the hurt' What I like most about getting older is that these things I may have felt were unforgivable when I was young - well, I can just brush them off and move on. Honestly, I know some older folks who are just so bitter and so angry - it's taking a toll on their health!

Thanks fastfreta!


alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 6 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

Wow! This is a lot to think about, Freta. I think of myself as someone who can forgive, and yet I still remember hurtful incidents because there were emotions attached to them. It's easier to forgot if there wasn't an emotional experience. I love Nina Simone. What a voice!


amulets profile image

amulets 6 years ago from Singapore

I am a sort of friendly person and tend to forgive people even though they may have hurt me. Thanks for this hub.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

SEO, I too felt it as I was writing this hub.

Bk I wish I had seen Mary McCloud Bethune's words, I would have used them, so thank you for using them. Can you imagine the good times those older ones have missed out on all those years. What do you know about Nina?

You too Alekhouse, what do you know about Nina Simone? LOL! I agree alekhouse it is easier, but it will take work to forgive and forget. Thank you for reading.

Amulets, what a good quality.

Thank you all for stopping and reading.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

This is such a thoughtful piece, fastfreta, and it go me thinking. Self-forgiveness is perhaps the most difficult of all; when we think of all our past 'wrongs,' it's hard to be kind and understanding to the soul within.

Thanks so much for this hub.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

lorlie6, I didn't think of that, wish I had, but I do agree. It's like anything else, self comes first, you must forgive yourself before you can forgive others. Thank you for that lorlie.


Residual4Income profile image

Residual4Income 6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona, USA

Fastfreta,

what great insight into forgiveness! So many people want to make the transition but don't know where to start. Your blog has some great tips and I wanted to share about a friend of mine that has gone through the ULTIMATE forgiveness story: She was finally able to forgive the drunk driver that killed her 17-yo daughter. Her book, "From Pain to Peace" is a short but powerful recollection of her journey.

Please take a min to check it out! www.patbluth.com

She shares how she forgave herself, the driver and...God!

Get out the tissues!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks Residual4Income, I will check out the site. And thank you for stopping.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

Forgive, doesn't mean any to me. It doesn't matter, one way or the other. I just walk away from that person and get on with my life. I found out what that person is like and that is it - case closed.

Thank you for an impressive hub.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

I want to live in a utopia. There is a book of that name by Thomas More. It's fantasy but I must believe in the fantasy of a utopia. Utopia is "an ideal place or state". It is "any visionary system of political or social perfection". We are told to pray the "Lord's Prayer". This prayer asks that (God's) "Thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven". In order for me to believe in "this" or any other "utopia" I would forgive if the person involved wanted to change the wrong that was done. If there is no determination to change bad habits or stop doing wrong. We can walk away, let the future take care of itself by laws or God. We can try to shove the wrongs aside but I'm not sure what the point would be in acting toward forgiving. I will certainly try to be a "shock absorber" though. Thanks very much for forgiving.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Very interesting concept Hello, hello, I guess if you are not bothered by it then what's the use. Thanks for stopping by. See you soon.

Micky Dee, I agree forgiveness could be wasted on a serial offender. Thanks for your assessment and comment. Hope to see you soon.


chinweike profile image

chinweike 6 years ago from Glasgow, UK

Fastfreta, You remind me of something am struggling to forget. Someone seriously wronged me in the past and i gorgave him but still remembers the pain he made me go through each time i see him. I always feel like strangling him to death but, for the provisions of the law.

This is happening maybe because he hasn't apologised yet.

All the same, is good to forgive and forget but, hard to do.

Thanks for the great thought provoking hub.

i will re-read it again when i must have cooled-off


mdlawyer profile image

mdlawyer 6 years ago

Great hub! I very much love the subject of forgiving. Pope's "To err is human; to forgive, divine" is dear to me as my breath.


DynamicS profile image

DynamicS 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada

fastfreta, thanks for the thougth-provoking hub. I always thought of myself as beign able to forgive; forgetting is another matter. I don't easily forget if some one hurt me because of self-preservation, I suppose. On the other hand, if you remember the pain, do you really forgive? The other issue is if we do not forgive then resentment and rage will consume us. For instance, I forgive those who enslave my ancestors, but I will not forget it.

Thanks for tickling my thought with such mind bending thought of forgivenenss.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas

Thank you for a very thought provoking hub fastfretta. Not only is it important for us to forgive others of their transgressions against us but we also need to be able to forgive ourselves as well as in the case with my exhusband who was very abusive to me and my children. I have long since forgiven him and praise be to God he has finally forgiven himself, God is working in his life now as well as in mine and thank God he is not beating himself up about this anymore. I am sure this hub will help others thank you.


Tammy Lochmann profile image

Tammy Lochmann 6 years ago

I always enjoy your take on things. I enjoyed reading your thought provoking hub as always. Forgiveness is really hard for some people to do. I know too many people who hold grudges and I have been guilty of it. I feels better to forgive. I don't forget though.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Yes chinweike, in some cases, it has to be some overture on their part for forgiveness to take place. I commend you for being the bigger man, maybe someday he will come to his senses and apologize.

Thank you mdlawyer for weighing in on this hub.

DynamicS, as I stated in the article one never forgets entirely, however you forget in the sense that you move on with your life, etc. Of course in some cases it's not as easy as it sounds.

ladyjane1 thank you for sharing your experience with us, and this lends validity to what I said about being able to move on with your life after forgiving someone.

Thanks Tammy, I agree forgiveness is hard in some cases, but holding a grudge is even harder. I have found myself in that situation once or twice. And yes it does feel better when you forgive.

Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment on this hub. Please stop over again soon.


pmccray profile image

pmccray 6 years ago from Utah

fastfreta; first of all thank you for the inclusion of the video featuring the best jazz songtress of the 20th century. I have many of her songs downloaded. Your subject matter was very intriging. One almost has to learn to forgive, being human it comes hard. The older I get I find it a little easier, but I do it quickly because of the biblical instruction as a Christian. I find those that forgive others who take the lives of a loved one so admirable, I can't honestly say I could be that brave. Wonderful hub


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

You know pmccray, honestly, I don't know what I would do either. But I just added that because I've seen it done. Actually, I don't have any of Nina Simone's songs downloaded, but I intend to do so since I found that one. Thank you for stopping and please do stop again.


salt profile image

salt 6 years ago from australia

I like mickee dees comment. I suppose one thing I ve learnt in life is that negative thoughts and energy can be sent even at children. The breaking of the shell of understanding is the point where there is a shift from innocence to guilt. I have found that once I consciously know that I have done wrong or know how to change it, I can forgive myself or others... Self responsibility comes into play. Forgiveness allows room for good things to come into the future.(()) I find it hardest to forgive myself at times. Yet I am learning and learning the energy that has been sent, has been around and is in my ancestoral links.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

WOW, salt what an insightful comment. That's why I appreciate comments, because things that I wish I'd said is said in them. I particular like what you said about forgiveness allowing room for good things to come. Thank you so much for those heartfelt words.


hypnodude profile image

hypnodude 6 years ago from Italy

I think the hardest thing, yet the most important, is to forgive ourselves for our errors, after having learned fro them. Or for what we perceive are errors. Forgiving others is easier, even if it also depends how hard they hurt us. Interesting hub, I'll read it again. Bookmarked.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

I agree hypnodude, it is hard to forgive ourselves, but we must if we expect to forgive others. Thanks for your comment.


nadiaazhar profile image

nadiaazhar 6 years ago from kuwait

hey fastfreta it is such a thought provoking and touching hub.i find it easy to forgive others no matter how hard they have hurt me because i always judge my ownself,that if the other person's behaviour is a reaction of any of my action.Often i conculde that it was me who put expectaions,hope and trust in others that eventually ends-up in distress.So i find myself guilty of trusting people.i've forgiven those who have hurt me but i'm having issues in trusting and believing people and this is because that i just cannt forgive myself.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 6 years ago from London, UK

Thanks. An important topic. I would forgive or try my best to mostly for my own peace of mind and health. Unforgiveness harbours so much bitterness.

I like what you wrote about discussing with the offender. That helps get it all out.

Thought provoking hub.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Nadiaazhar, you've brought up an interesting aspect of this subject. I can go with that, "looking inward might help you to see why the incidence occurred, in the first place." Speaking of thought provoking, that really is. Thanks for that.

Lady_E you're so right, I'm all about peace of mind, and if that means forgiving someone, then I'm all for it. Bitterness is so painstaking. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.


2uesday profile image

2uesday 6 years ago from - on the web, I am 2uesday.

Hi fastfreta - this is a thought provoking hub, I love the way your writing challenges me to think about things. Thank you.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks 2uesday, to tell the truth, I was also challenged while writing the hub. Thank you for stopping and reading, please do so again.


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 6 years ago from Central Texas

Wonderful and insightful Hub. As a child my Granny said, "If you do not forgive -- the person you refuse to forgive rules your life." I was grown before that really sank in and I understood it. As you said, age helps us ease hurts and put aside unkindnesses. Enjoyed this Hub very much Fastfreta! Best, Sis


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Angela, I knew there was something that I meant to put in this hub. I agree with your grandmother, they dictate your actions and reactions each time you're in their presence. Thanks for the reminder.


Philipo profile image

Philipo 6 years ago from Nigeria

Forgiveness is one solution to peace which many people have not discovered. No moment you forgive someone that offends you, you make way for new thoughts and ideas to come in.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Well said Philipo, I wish I'd said that, "(the moment you forgive someone that offends you, you make way for new thoughts and ideas to come in)." Thank you so much for your comment.


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 6 years ago from East Coast, United States

Mickey Dee brought up the Lord's Prayer. In it, we ask God to 'forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.' That's a tall order. If we are to gain mercy from God, we need to grant mercy as well.

Not forgiving leads to a kind of poisoned spirit. We can wallow in anger and tarnish our minds and souls. Forgiveness can be a very hard thing to do. But forgiveness frees the forgiver as well as the forgiven. Thank you for bringing up such an important matter. You do so often.


lctodd1947 profile image

lctodd1947 6 years ago from USA

Wonderful hub on Forgiveness...I have one on forgiveness also and it isn't the easiest thing to do but it is a must if we are to be forgiven.

Great hub and I enjoyed reading.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Dolores, I agree with you and Micky Dee on the scriptural standpoint. And as you said forgiveness can be hard, but freeing. Thanks for your thoughtful assessment.

Thanks Linda, I did read your hub on forgiveness and I think I left you a comment, if not I'll do so later. As I said to Dolores, I agree that it is not easy, most worthwhile things are not. See you soon, here on my hub or yours.


lovelypaper profile image

lovelypaper 6 years ago from Virginia

To forgive means to be free. It's not easy sometimes and I think it's a process, not something you do only once.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

I do agree lovelypaper, it is a process that you must continually go through and must be repeated often. Thanks for taking time to read this hub, please stop over again.


AllMomNeeds2know profile image

AllMomNeeds2know 6 years ago

It's hard to forgive some things but when you do it certainly makes you feel better.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

My sentiments exactly, AllMomNeeds2know.


RevLady profile image

RevLady 6 years ago from Lantana, Florida

A truth ridden hub fastfreta that inspires us to spend time in self examination.

Forgiveness, is itself a gift from God. On our own, we cannot do it. But, I believe with Creativeone, that every human being possesses the capacity to forgive though, granted, it may not be easy. It may not be easy to forgive because it requires an acute awareness of our own need to been forgiven. Forgiveness has two sides that are forever linked together: the forgiveness we need from God and the forgiveness we owe to other human beings. Until we forgive others, we are not able to receive forgiveness from God.

But, in recognizing and understanding our own need to be forgiven, we are released from the pride that binds and enabled through God’s power to forgive others.

Great hub! Thank you.

Forever His,


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

RevLady I couldn't said it better, I totally agree with you and all those that gave credit Our Heavenly Father. Thanks for adding your comment, and thanks for stopping. See you soon.


create a page profile image

create a page 6 years ago from Maryland, USA

Thanks fastfreta for this hub. It has reminded us of the importance of forgiveness.

It has been proven that when we do not forgive we harbor bitterness and this bitterness actually is the root of many of the diseases people suffer, especially cancer.

There are many benefits for forgiving others, so the forgiver gets the greater reward than the forgiven. As you have stated so well.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks create a page for stopping, good to see you again. And thanks for your critique of my hub, see you soon.


DJ 6 years ago

First of all I enjoyed Nina Simone. In order to live ones life in a balanced way, one must learn to forgive and forget. One could shorten his or her life by not being able to forgive. Just think of the stress to ones mind and heart if he or she is unbalanced in this area.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks DJ, My sentiments exactly about the stress that it causes to hold onto a grudge. Thanks for coming, please come back again soon.


TheFashionArtist profile image

TheFashionArtist 6 years ago

You are a very talented and beautiful writer. Keep inspiring others with your good writes and we will keep reading!!!!!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks TheFashionArtist for taking the time to read my hub and thanks for the encouragement to continue. See you soon.


Sue1226 profile image

Sue1226 6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

I sometimes have trouble with this but as I get closer to God I find I can forgive a lot easier than before. But you are right in all you say.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you Sue1226 for validating my hub. A lot of us do have trouble with this at times, but you do have the solution. See you again soon.


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 6 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

At some point we are all weak and do things that require forgiveness. That being said, I have no choice but to forgive. If Jesus on the cross could forgive those that crucifed him and forgive the murderer and the the thief next to him. If he can say "Those without sin, cast the first stone, when they wanted to stone the prostitute. Then why would I think I'm better than Jesus and feel so grande and pure that I couldn't forgive anyone for hurting me? When I was young, I harbored plenty of anger and would refuse to forgive anyone that harmed me. But as i get older and experience life and realize other's circumstances and pain, I find it easy to forgive. Amost to a fault, which others have declared me a fool doing so.


samboiam profile image

samboiam 6 years ago from Texas

Great stuff. Forgivness is a choice and a process. Even after forgiving someone the emotional scars still may be present. But we know healing has come when the scars remain but the pain is gone.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Lisa, I'm with you on the point of having no choice in forgiving. Someone told me the other day that I let myself be walked on, but I don't see it that way, I call it being forgiving. So I can understand it when you said that others declared you foolish. Thanks again, see you real soon.

Samboiam, I like the point you made when you said,"But we know healing has come when the scars remain but the pain is gone." I never thought of it that way, kinda profound, thanks for the eye opener. Thank you for stopping by, I'll be seeing you.


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia

Great hub! I'm very forgiving. In fact, some of my friends say I'm TOO forgiving. Is that possible?


tony0724 profile image

tony0724 6 years ago from san diego calif

I forgive but I don't forget !


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Well habee, I get that sometimes too, and no I don't think you can be too forgiving.

tony0724, I don't think it is truly possible to forget physically, but forgetting in the sense that you don't continue to harbor resentment is possible and recommended.

Thank you both for taking the time to read and leave a comment here. See you both soon.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Fastfreta, This was a great hub. I always try to forgive because I know that is what the Lord tells me to do. Anger hurts me more than the person I'm angry at. Trust on the other hand must be regained.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks Pamela99 for stopping and making a comment, and I'm in total agreement with you. I like what you said about trust.


Winsome profile image

Winsome 6 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

FastFreta I enjoyed this hub and the comments. Jesus asked the question: "Is it easier to heal or to forgive...?" I like the fact that He chose to forgive first and healing followed. Maybe that's a process we can learn. =:)


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks Winsome, I totally agree with your assessment. Thanks for stopping over, please come again.


Money Glitch profile image

Money Glitch 6 years ago from Texas

Hey fastfreta, I like the song in the video and this is a great hub on forgiving. If only people would realize that when you forgive, it is really for oneself; because most of the time the person that has hurt you has moved on or may not know that they've hurt you! Congrats, on being featured in our newsletter; keep up the great work. Thanks for sharing!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you Money Glitch for stopping over and reading my hub. I'll see you soon.


Moulik Mistry profile image

Moulik Mistry 6 years ago from Burdwan, West Bengal, India

You are so true. How it could be if forgiveness is made a habit?


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks again Moulik for stopping, I'll be seeing you soon.


Duchess OBlunt 6 years ago

Very well written hub fastfreta. And a topic I am having to deal with on a personal level, so it's very timely.

:) Blessings


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks Duchess, when I write a hub it's usually from personal experience, so I actually had an experience that sparked this one, so don't feel alone. Thanks for stopping, see you soon.


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

I love your hub. It is difficult for me to forgive those that hurt my family or I. I am more inclined to forgive individuals that are truly repentant for their actions, and if they can change for the better in their behavior. God Bless You.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Stars439, I appreciate your comment and I can understand your point of view, which is held by many. I thank you so much for stopping and taking time to read. Please stop again soon.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia

Forgiving is a must. Unforgiveness eats away at your heart like acid.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Well said blondepoet, wish I'd said it. Thanks for stopping and validating this hub. See you soon.


Jayne Lancer profile image

Jayne Lancer 6 years ago from West London, UK

So many thoughts came to mind reading this, I could write a comment as long as your Hub; or longer.

As you say, in most situations it is better to 'forget'. The offender is probably no longer thinking about the offense, so why should you? As Blondepoet says, it will eat away at your heart, and for what purpose?

Great read, Fastfretta, great Hub!

BTW, you inspired my gray hair Hub :)


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Hey Jane, why don't you write a hub, because enough can't be said about the subject. Oh, did you link the hubs. I'll go over and check, if you didn't, we can link them. Thank you for stopping and reading. Please come again.


Jayne Lancer profile image

Jayne Lancer 6 years ago from West London, UK

What an excellent idea! I'll do it.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Good, I'll be waiting for it. I'll see you soon.


cosette 6 years ago

hey Freta. i forgive people who have wronged me if i love them, e.g. loved ones, or very close friends. other people who wrong or hurt me, especially repeat offenders, i just walk away from and never look back.

i was thinking about forgiveness today because i watched a film about a man who killed a little girl. i have seen shows where some parents forgive them - yes, forgive the person who murdered their child. i couldn't do that because it is saying 'aw, that's ok', and would feel, to me, like a betrayal to the one who was taken from me, so no, not in a million years could i ever forgive anyone like that. thank you for writing this hub, though, it makes you think.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks cosette, your response made me think also. A good idea to walk away from repeat offenders. Very thought provoking response indeed. Thank you for stopping and taking the time to read and make a comment. I'll see you soon.


Joy56 profile image

Joy56 6 years ago

i don't think i have a problem forgiving or forgetting..... Moving on or away is sometimes necessary from an offender i feel... easier with family, time and space, usually cure all bad feelings ...great hub thanks


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Joy, you're right, time does help quite a bit. Thanks for stopping, loved hearing from you.


eventsyoudesign profile image

eventsyoudesign 6 years ago from Nashville, Tennessee

Good article. It is easy to say that you are a forgiving person, but when it comes to actually forgiving it is very hard to do. I struggle with this concept often. I think I am a pretty forgiving person. I have a situation which has been on going for many years. The man that my sister married alienated my parents and my sister cut-off all contact with the family. I want to forgive the guy as I have forgiven my sister, but I cannot seem to do so. Your article gives me many points to ponder. Your articles are always well written. I am glad I found you. Teresa


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

I know exactly what you mean Teresa. As you said the concept is great, but actually implementing it is another story. Thank you so much for sharing a very vulnerable part of your life. Thank also for stopping and leaving a comment, see you soon.


perfectperception profile image

perfectperception 5 years ago from USA

I think we all like to believe that we are forgiving but not in the correct sense of the word. And Teresa hit the nail on the head


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California Author

You're so right Perfectperception, perception is one thing, reality is another. However, we can learn if we so desire. Thank you so much for weighing in on this hub. Hope to see you back again.


sofs profile image

sofs 5 years ago

Will you forgive? the deepest question of all. The responsibility to forgive lies with us. It is not dependent on the other person. I am glad that you found me so I could read and follow you. God Bless!!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you sofs, I, too, am glad we found each other. I'll be back to see you soon. By the way thanks for the comment.


embee77 profile image

embee77 5 years ago

Hi, FF - What an awesome piece and wonderful comments. I just discovered it and thank you and your readers. A lot of my reading lately has been about putting ourselves last and God and others first -- just taking ourselves out of the picture. What a change that makes in our thoughts and reactions. Radical, in a way, and I like it. For example, when something happens, you say to yourself, "it happened; my opinion doesn't matter or change it. I don't have to automatically judge it, defend my opinion, or hate anyone who has a different view." It's very freeing. It's like forgiveness of everyone and everything, and just "being." You still have your take but you don't have to convince anyone you're right. Still learning. I have a couple of hubs addressing parts of this. Thanks for letting me share.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you embee, I appreciate this comment, it adds so much to my hub, I hope others will read it also. Please stop over again.


Maria 5 years ago

SOLO QUIERO AGREGAR QUE SOLO SE PUEDE PERDONAR CUANDO SE PIDE EL PERDON. DE LO CONTRARIO LA PERSONA OFENDIDA PERMANECERA EN LA POSICION DE SIEMPRE...OFENDIDA.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks Maria!!


vicki goodwin profile image

vicki goodwin 5 years ago from Winchester Kentucky

Thank you for writing this hub. I needed it this morning. I have been dealing with a dishonesty issue and am struggling on the forgiveness part. Most I am talking to believe that once the trust is broken there is no reason to forgive. I read the hub with great interest and am still contemplating my future decision. It was a great article with so many valid points to consider. Voted it up and interesting as well as useful and awesome. Thanks again for such sage thoughts.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you Vicki. I hope your situation turns out the way you wish it. But take it from me, forgiving in the end will make you happier for doing so. Think about this, while you're still upset, the other person goes on with their life, never looking back, and even managing to have a happy life. So even if you don't keep this person in your life, don't let them ruin it, by holding on to those bad feeling. Life goes on, so should you.

You made a statement that "most you're talking to believe that once trust is broken, there's no reason to forgive." Please don't listen to that, listen to your heart. Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. Take care and please let me know how things turn out.


perfectperception profile image

perfectperception 4 years ago from USA

I hav a hard time with forgiving people but I am definitely workin on it. I know forgiving is for our own sanity. You can hate so hard that you eat at yourself. However, I have learned along the way that that is not the way. Plus, since I believe in God, I know I cannot be forgiven for my transgressions unless I can forgive. It's what I keep at the forefront to help me with my journey. Thanks.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Wonderful perfectperception, you're living up to your name. I agree wholeheartedly, I really can't add anymore to your comment, thanks for leaving it. Please come back.


jeyaramd profile image

jeyaramd 4 years ago from Mississauga, Ontario

I chose this hub as one of my top 10 hubs in my tribute to 100 followers. This is such a beautiful hub. I am a forgiver myself. I think life is too short to build grudges against people. Its important to be aware of your mistakes so you don't make mistakes again. However, we should not hurt ourselves by not forgiving. Forgiveness is divine. Thank you for this awesome hub.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you so much jeyamd, this is a good idea. The tribute I mean, I just might "borrow" that one. Thanks again for the honor. I look forward to seeing you on your hubs soon. Please come back.


jeyaramd profile image

jeyaramd 4 years ago from Mississauga, Ontario

Your most welcome. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing. This is the tribute hub, http://jeyaramd.hubpages.com/hub/hundred.... Thanks so much for your wonderful hub. Its well deserving and thoughtfully written. Yes. I do plan to come back. Medical school takes a lot of my time. I am so fortunate to learn so much in the medical profession. Its been a blessing to have found HP and wonderful souls like yourself. It keeps me energized. Thanks.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 4 years ago from Southern California Author

You're too kind jeyaramd. I'm glad you found HP too, because I do appreciate reading your hubs, also your comments on my hub. Take care, and do pay attention to your studies, because we need as many medical professionals as we can get. All the best to you, see you later.


catalystsnstars profile image

catalystsnstars 4 years ago from Land of Nod

What about forgiving yourself? What if you can't do it? Others well that's easy, but yourself, that's the hardest part.

I didn't read much but, I'll vote up because you must have something that'll help me. You must until i'm out of this mood.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 4 years ago from Southern California Author

I agree it is hard to forgive yourself, however to move on with your life, you must treat yourself like you would treat anyone else. Try not to dwell on the past, look to the future. I know it must sound simplistic, but aren't somethings just that, simple. Really good to hear from you, I hope you will come back soon.


isenhower33 profile image

isenhower33 4 years ago from Crothersville, IN

Forgiving others is very important but forgiving yourself is just as if not more important. Living in the now instead of the past. We all do things we wish we wouldn't have but by forgiving ourselves we can look to the future with a brighter outlook...Great Hub, and Voted up :) Thanks for sharing Fasfreta :)


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 4 years ago from Southern California Author

I so agree with your sentiments isenhoiwer33. When you feel good about yourself then you can feel good about others. Thank you so much for stopping and for your input.


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 4 years ago from Michigan

fastfreta, I had to come peak at your hubpage because I read about you being discovered by Hollywood. That is so cool! I knew you must be an exceptional writer. Your hub on forgiveness proved it.

Excellent topic on a much needed practice. When people get it that forgiveness actually holds you hostage they will understand the power of forgiveness. I also wrote a hub on how forgiveness heals our hearts so this hub was really fun for me to read ... Excellent thoughts here.

Thanks!

Voted up and Awesome!

Mekenzie


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

If you tell someone that you forgive them, but you don't forget, then you haven't really forgiven them. You haven't completely let it go. It takes a lot of courage to admit to your mistakes. Are you forgiving, can you forgive, will you forgive? Interesting questions and thought provoking too. I have forgiven several people before. It has taken me longer for some people than for others, but believe me when I finally did forgive them, it felt like a huge burden lifted off my shoulders.

Recently, a good friend of mine from college after several years sent me an email apologizing for the way he had treated me. The letter was sincere and right then and there I forgot what it was that we had argued about. Thanks for sharing!


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Awesome hub. Voted up and sharing


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you both for weighing in on this article. Mekenzie, you're so right about being held hostage. I don't remember what I wrote above, so forgive me if I repeat myself. When you forgive someone it's more for you than for them, so I agree about the hostage part, because you receive the most benefit.

Lovedoctor926, you're so right, it does take courage to admit a mistake and completely own it. Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience with us. And thank you for the vote and sharing.

Again thank you both for stopping, and sharing those wonderful comments.

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