Are You Having Gay or Lesbian Relationship Problems? Aren't We All? Let's Help Out One Another...

If You're Now Going Through It, I've Been There!

We all know how hard it is to be accepted in society even at the present time of 2012. We've been bruised and battered by political and religious agendas from those who do not acknowledge our existence and desire to love and be loved.

I've spent many a sleepless night and have cried too many tears on my pillows over relationship problems, heartbreaks and other challenging emotional afflictions.

I have navigated the World Wide Web as my friends and most of the rest of the world slept in search for another wounded soul that relates.

I'm a Lesbian in her 30's living in the Midwest that has had her share of dating ups and downs and who's no stranger to a broken heart.

I've prevailed and so can you although it feels as though the world has caved in on you.

Message me or post a comment with your issue or question and I will respond individually, or collectively if many contact me in regards to the same issue.

Of course, I'm no substitute for therapy as that may be needed for you to be whole again.

Try me. Chances are, I went through the same thing you may be facing now.

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Comments 8 comments

SeamlessDestiny03 profile image

SeamlessDestiny03 4 years ago from Chi-city

I saw this after I posted my latest up. You should check it out. Basically all of your lovely LGBT dating pertains to my life and my ex.


MinkLaRue 4 years ago

I have been involved with a beautiful young lady for about almost a year. When we became involved in a committed relationship, she told me she informed all women she was dating that she was now in a committed relationship. Recently, I found out (without a single doubt) that my girlfriend is/was cheating - I caught her at a hotel with the other woman. I was angry. I am hurt and value myself, but I'm old enough to realize that sometimes in love you have to forgive. I have forgiven, but I'm having a heck of a time trusting what she says. Other factors: 1. She has open access to my email, cell phone and FB account. I know she's read my messages and can see I'm not cheating. 2. Her email, phone, and FB are not accessible to me. 3. In the time we've been together albeit I know her address, I have never been invited to her home.

I know that this is an age old problem, but how do we learn to move past this and gain back the trust that's been lost especially taking into account the last 3 factors.


jcm_blabs profile image

jcm_blabs 4 years ago from My Bunker in the Midwest Author

@MinkLaRue: Thanks for dropping in! [Sigh] Yeah. In this case, trust is going to be hard to rebuild, but not impossible. However, there are many factors to consider when moving past not only the cheating, but also the fact that she's never invited you over to her house. In all honesty, that right there should've been a HUGE red flag. Does she live alone? With an ex? What's the reasoning for her to not open up her home to you?

With her cheating on you with that other woman, well, she'd have to cut off all contact with her. She may argue that she wants to still keep her as a friend, but the truth of the matter is, that they've crossed the sexual line and therefore cannot be just "friends" because of that level of intimacy they attained. If she argues that she won't shut her out of her life altogether then it's a sign that she's more important to her than you. I'm sorry, but she had her cake and ate it, too, and cannot continue to do so anymore by having you both in her life. You'll always wonder about them when they talk and/or hang out. If she has a genuine interest in working things out in your relationship and is serious about doing so, then she'll have no problem ceasing communication with her. Period. Otherwise, cut your woman loose.

In order for the trust to be regained she has to not arouse your delicate state of insecurity by showing you that she's trustworthy. Words will not be enough. You once believed her words before the cheating. Now, she needs to understand that talk is cheap and actions are what will indicate to you her effort in making things right. At the same time, you must try to not be accusatory or interrogating of her when something seems suspicious. In order for this to work you have to allow for your raw feelings to subside from the dishonesty. If you can't stop yourself from bringing up the past constantly, then it will hinder your healing. If you're still overwhelmed by what she did and how it still makes you feel, take some time away from her for yourself. Clear your head and sort out your feelings and decide if you really want to resume a relationship with her. Can you really trust her completely? You love her, but you must tackle this with logic and not emotion.

We're all entitled to privacy. While it's wrong to go through someone's things, when they're very guarded and defensive about the contents of their texts, emails and other means of communication, then it's an indication that they have stuff to hide. Also, it's not fair that you're an open book to her while she's not being the same to you.

Best wishes.


emma 4 years ago

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost two years now. We've been bickering a lot recently and even broke up a couple of weeks ago (only to get back together a week later). During that week, I met a new friend who I really think I'm developing feelings for. Since my girlfriend and I got back together we've been getting along really well. But I'm starting to worry about our future and think that I might have rushed into a long term life-long relationship too soon. But she's my best friend and I really do love her. What should I do?


MinkLaRue 4 years ago

@Jem - thank you so much for your words of wisdom! I didn't realize you'd posted a response. I appreciate it immensely. Just as an update: After I wrote this to you, a month passed and I found her cheating with the same woman once again - oh yes, but only after she lied to me and told me she was chaperoning her child on a summer school trip in one state and was actually hanging out and having a good time in another for an entire week! At that point, all hope (and trust) was lost! This time the other woman contacted me and allowed me to completely hear their conversation - enough was just enough. I don't watch soap operas much less live in them! I am now happily single!


jcm_blabs profile image

jcm_blabs 4 years ago from My Bunker in the Midwest Author

@ Emma: That's a complicated situation you have there by meeting someone new that's sparked a flame in you.

Why were you two fighting? That can be disenchanting in a relationship and a sure way to drive you emotionally apart from one another.

What is it about the new friend that draws you to her? Is it something missing from your current relationship now? Affection? Understanding? Excitement because it's new?

Are you still IN love with your girlfriend even though you love her?

Your fears of the long-haul with her are understandable due to the fighting.

Have you tried counseling individually and as a couple?

Whatever you do, tread lightly with both your girlfriend and your new friend. Don't hurt either one of them as you could lose your girlfriend and/or a possible chance to develop something new with the friend.

Either way, close one door before opening another one.

Beat wishes.


jcm_blabs profile image

jcm_blabs 4 years ago from My Bunker in the Midwest Author

Hi, Mink: I'm sorry to hear about your ex, but am glad you learned and confirmed what your gut already warned you about.

Whatever happens, don't let her back into your world. Period.

Cut all ties and ignore her no matter what. She chose the other woman, so she no longer is entitled to anything from you.

Now your free to find a genuine and loyal gal.


remmy 3 years ago

dating this straight girl for 3months now evrything was really on fine she is straight am a lesbain i do like her very much even though our future is not sure, but recently she just kept quiet and distant from me no more calls,texts or chat online with me and when i asked her she told me am russhing her to much and she needed time to figure things out. well i really dont know what to do about the whole situations cos am already tired and lonely. what can i do i this relationship

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