Are You So Picky That You Are Already Choosing A Life Of Loneliness?

There are many common proverbs relating to relationships. A famous Jewish one is that every teapot has a lid. Lately, especially seeing people in Los Angeles, I noticed that there are more and more singles. People treat relationships like the lottery. I have heard statements like "when it is meant to be, it will happen." What I noticed nowadays is that people are too picky, waiting for Mr. Right or Ms. Right.

I have a theory that people who are waiting for Mr. Right or Ms. Right are inadvertently choosing a path of loneliness. You have traditional Christian Asian men and their criteria. What are their criteria? They will answer: (1) pretty, (2) thin, (3) speaks their mothers' native language, (4) working, (5) child-bearing, (6) willing to live with their mother-in-law and (2) same religion. You have professional women and their criteria--(1) handsome, (2) head full of hair (3) professional, and (4) earning more than the woman. With an attitude that they have to find all of these qualities, the years go by and they are still alone. In fact, some find it a chore to look for a potential mate.

First of all, you have to consider what you have to offer. If you are a man, are you handsome, thin and making good income? If a woman can find another man who has these same criteria, why would she need to also meet the other criteria such as the language, religion, and child-bearing requirement? If you are a woman, are you gorgeous, thin, and a professional? If a man can find these criteria in a woman, why would they choose you? It is interesting that a person who asks so much in another person never looks to oneself to see if he or she is as marketable. Like a game of chess, when both genders cannot find a person who meets all of these criteria, you have "stalemate."

Here are my advice to the lonely hearts:

For Men

1.If you have a lot of criteria, what are the odds that you will find someone who will meet all of the criteria? Can you eliminate a few?

2. Attractiveness is important, but you might think about someone who can intellectually interest you.

3. Relationships are about compromise.

4. You have to put as much effort in looking for companionship as you do with job hunting because only in Hollywood do older men find younger women.

5. The criteria to have: compatibility regarding whether to have family and spending habits.

For Women

1. If you keep really short hair, you are making a statement that you prefer convenience to femininity. I receive compliments from men regarding my longer hair (currently down to my chest...not long enough to donate to Locks of Love) on a daily basis.

2. A smile is free, make eye contact and smile.

3. If someone makes random conversation, entertain it. Give the guy a break because he has to start somewhere.

4. Enjoy a person's company, and you will find that you will loosen your criteria. Be high maintenance, and sooner or later, a guy will decide that you are not worth the trouble and see no future with you.

5. The criteria to have: compatibility regarding whether to have family and spending habits.

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Comments 8 comments

Oscortega profile image

Oscortega 5 years ago from California

Hi, formosangirl

I completely agree with your ideas. People ask for a lot in a person but have very little to offer.

Me being a man in this equation, I find that women are simply hard on guys. Acting as if they're gods gift to man in general. Especially the pretty ones. They are the worst, with their high and mighty, I'm too good for you, why are you talking to me or why are you looking at me attitude. It's very annoying. As a result, I stand alone. But I will admit, Men are the only ones to blame. Men themselves have put the female on that pedestal, by acting like vultures, and wolves always hounding and chasing a female. Their egos are as big as this planet. Sorry, for rambling.

Good Hub.

SylviaSky profile image

SylviaSky 5 years ago from USA

I am sorry to hear that short hair is the opposite of femininity. I keep mine short because it's baby-fine and baby-soft, and it never has grown long enough to touch my shoulders. I've permed it to make it curlier, etc. but finally it is what it is. I guarantee I am very feminine nonetheless. Perhaps some men shouldn't be so picky about a woman's hair length?

Oscortega profile image

Oscortega 5 years ago from California

That's a great point. For me it's just a matter of preference.

formosangirl profile image

formosangirl 5 years ago from Los Angeles Author

Oscortega, thanks for your comments. What is funny is that the women who are too good for anyone are generally alone with their fancy clothing and perfect makeup, and the desperate men are also alone. So, the result should speak for itself, but both these groups do not see that they are on the wrong track.

formosangirl profile image

formosangirl 5 years ago from Los Angeles Author

SylviaSky, thanks for your comment. When my finger fit my wedding ring, I happened to talk to a lot of men. I still talk to a lot of men but not as extensively (funny how a ring allows one to be nosier). Like Oscortega says, men do prefer women with longer hair. I see single women at my office who don't date at all, and they love their hair because it is convenient.

There is a reason why celebrities with short hair put on extensions when they go to the award shows. I think that a woman can be feminine with short hair, but I also noticed that they are single, too. So, there are lots of controversial statements that are not politically correct, but I know what men like. I took off my headband for one day yesterday, letting my long hair flow, and I received 3 compliments from MEN!!! One would think that only women would notice another woman's hair. Not true.

stephaniedas profile image

stephaniedas 5 years ago from Miami, US

Long hair on a woman is beautiful, but I disagree with the assumption that women with short hair don't want to be feminine. I had very short hair (like Natalie Portman's and Audrey Hepburn's, who, incidentally, are considered two of the sexiest actresses in Hollywood) for years, and men never paid more attention to me than when my hair was short. I guess it just worked for me, because men regularly hit on me and complimented my short hair, and several told me that it made me intriguing. It did make me want to be more feminine in my appearance because I didn't want to look like Justin Bieber, so I wore more skirts and dresses, makeup, and jewelry. Now my hair is very long and I love it, but people always tell me that they thought I was prettier with short hair.

I also didn't follow your advice about waiting for the one. While I had short hair, a dated a little bit for fun, but I didn't get into any relationships because I wasn't in love with anyone. Then, without expecting it and despite my short hair, I fell in love and got into a committed and beautiful relationship. I didn't have a list of qualities that I wanted in a man, except that he had to have a good heart.

What I agree with in your article is this: making a list of qualities and refusing to give anyone who doesn't fit your idea of perfection a chance is, of course, a way to set yourself up for failure and disappointment. But what I disagree with is that women with short hair are unattractive to men, and that waiting for love to happen is a bad strategy. Both have worked for me!

formosangirl profile image

formosangirl 5 years ago from Los Angeles Author

You know femininity because you are willing to compensate with the skirts, dresses, makeup and jewelry. I think I should have qualified if someone didn't do all that. I have ladies in my office who have short hair and don't do anything to their appearance to make the complete look. You are right about Audrey Hepburn, one of my favorite actresses. Natalie Portman also is very feminine, too. I have never seen her without makeup, so I like her complete look. Stephaniedas, thanks for visiting and sharing your comments.

stephaniedas profile image

stephaniedas 5 years ago from Miami, US

That's true! Like I said, I didn't want to look like Justin Bieber :)

I guess it ties into the whole doesn't matter what your personal preference is, but if you don't care about your appearance, the opposite sex won't think you're attractive..unless you got extremely lucky with the gene pool lottery!

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