Are You Too Needy?


Needy, clingy people - they can be anywhere. Just when you least expect it, one of them pops into your life. Perhaps you are close to someone who is needy. Maybe you have a needy relative, friend, neighbor, significant other, or co-worker. If you don't know anyone that fits that description, are you the person always asking for help? Uh-oh. You might be an overly needy person!

Neediness is a way of life for many people. It is a problem that can strike anyone. Neediness knows no race, gender, or social status. Often it begins with a person that is used to being babied by someone else. Perhaps it is a parent, a spouse, or they've simply had a personal assistant at work for too long. You need to ask yourself, what happens when I have to do activities on my own? What happens when I am forced to think for myself? Gasp! If these are scary questions, you are too needy!

I am here to help you out. Yes, once again someone else is enabling you, but you obviously need some help. I am here for you - for now. I won't be here later though since you need to think on your own. Stop being so clingy!

Are you constantly on the phone?

Seriously, this can be a sign. When you go to the grocery store, do you have to call Grandma to ask what type of detergent she uses before you can buy some for yourself? When you attempt to order something online, do you have to call customer service before even trying 5 minutes to figure it out on your own? When you break something in your home, do you call a repair person before even attempting to fix it yourself?

I hate to tell you, but you are needy if you answered yes to any of those questions. If you answered yes to more than one question, you are overly needy. I don't even want to think about it if you answered a yes to all three. You have problems.

How do people react to you?

When you enter a room, do people... well... run away? Do people tend to roll their eyes at you a lot when you are talking? This is a bad sign. You are obviously annoying on some level. I hate to break this to you, but that is not normal. One or two people in your life might be chronic eye rollers, but if you get it all the time from numerous people, you are obnoxious.

Do you tend to ask for favors a lot? No one minds helping out a friend. We've all been in some bad situations a time or two. But do you constantly ask people for help moving furniture, babysitting children, figuring out how to work the oven, scratch your back, walk the dog, paint the house, etc.? Wow! You are truly needy.

Have you lost a lot of friends? Do you find that friends come and go quite a bit? Once again, the cause could be that you are annoying and overly needy. Were you constantly calling them at all hours of the night to cry over a dude or ask how to bake a cake or something ridiculous like that? You are too needy!

Needy and clingy go hand and hand.

You may also find if you are too needy, you are also too clingy. These two are often associated with each other. Needy people not only need assistance all the time, when they sense their friends are trying to separate from them, they tend to cling harder to them. This will not create the best results. Once a person tries to stop enabling one that is too needy, it is all the more annoying when the calls and visits become even more frequent.

So stop being so needy and clingy!

It's time to help yourself!

It is possible to be a needy "clinger" but turn that all around. Yes, you can stop being so needy! Here are some suggestions so you can improve your life:

  • If at first you don't succeed, try again! You are not going to understand everything the first time you try it. Don't be scared to fail. When you are trying to learn something new, give yourself ample opportunity to fail. We all fail sometimes; that does not mean we need to call someone else to do it... unless you are trying to put out a fire and you are too stubborn to dial 911. Trust me - it's OK to call 911. You just failed at lighting a candle. Don't fail at the whole finding a fire extinguisher thing, too.
  • Don't always call people the second you have a common problem. Stop and take a deep breath. Can you solve it on your own? I'll bet you can!
  • If you see a friend trying to get away from you, maybe that person needs some space. No, people are not supposed to run from you when they see you walk through the door. Let them go.
  • Take pride in what you do and don't let others bring you down. Some of your friends might enjoy babying you, but don't let them do it. There are certain personalities that are attracted to clingers for just this reason. Let yourself do the distancing this time from folks like that.
  • Most of all, be the best "you" you can be. You need to just say to the world that you are strong, confident, and capable. If you say it long enough, you might start believing it and then you can do just about everything for yourself.

Copyright ©2011 Jeannieinabottle

BONUS ADVICE: How to Use a Search Engine

It has recently come to my attention that many needy people simply do not know how to use a search engine. Google, Bing, and Yahoo can all be your buddies if you allow them. I work in customer service and I am shocked by the calls I get each day that has nothing to do with my job. I often say, "Well, let me Google that for you since I do not have that information." Those with dignity will say something like, "Oh, never mind, I can do that for myself." Needy people will allow me to search for them as if Google somehow works better on my computer than their computer.

Here are some instances when you should use a search engine:

  • You need to find a phone number.
  • You need to find an address.
  • You want to get directions to a location.
  • You need to make a motel reservation.
  • You are looking for a restaurant in your area.
  • Other basic information searches.

Sometimes you do need to call customer service, an emergency number, your doctor, etc. Here are some instances when you might want to suck up your pride and not do your own research:

  • You have a fever over 102 degrees.
  • You are severely bleeding and think you might die.
  • Your home is on fire.
  • Someone just showed up with a gun at your door.
  • You have an extremely technical question and someone needs to break it down for you.
  • You want to know if a company received a payment.
  • You need to tell off your cable company because they are overcharging you and your cable just went out again.
  • You just looked out your window and a bear is staring at you.
  • Your roof is caving in.
  • And any other difficult or emergency situations.

In general, for major emergencies or a complex question, it is best to call someone about it. However, many basic facts can be learned online. You can also learn how to do things for yourself step-by-step. Let me give you an example how to use a search engine.

Example: You need to keep deer out your yard because they are eating your rose bush.

Go to or or any other search engine and type in "how to keep deer out of yard." A number of different sites, articles, and information will appear. I suggest skimming the results and checking out several different sites. In no time you are on your way to being self-sufficient! Bambi won't be nibbling on those flowers anymore!

By the way, shavings of Irish Spring soap will often keep deer out your yard. They don't like that stuff. Even if the deer in your area refuse to be banned from your yard, at least the soap will smell fresh when it rains. Good luck!

Additional information: Copyright ©2013 Jeannieinabottle

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Comments 31 comments

Thatguypk profile image

Thatguypk 5 years ago

Love it! Very amusing, and yet so true...

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, sadly it is so true! Thank you for reading and for the comment.

cheerfulnuts profile image

cheerfulnuts 5 years ago from Manila, Philippines

LOL. I would also like to add that sometimes, people are needy simply because they're lazy. They're too lazy to think on their own, so they ask people around them.

Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

I was not sure what to comment about the hub, so I have been calling my friends and family to ask them......but they won't answer the phone.....maybe you have some thoughts on how I should comment.....please please I need your help

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

cheerfulnuts - I think you are totally right. I did not even think about that when writing this, but sometimes people are just plain lazy and won't make decisions on their own.

Cogerson - Uh-oh. No one answering your calls, huh? Hmmmm...

Thank you both for the comments!

Angie Jardine profile image

Angie Jardine 5 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

Funny hub, Jeannie ... especially the really helpful bits like 'So stop being so needy and clingy'. It made me giggle ...

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks, Angie. I wrote this after a long, frustrating day at work. Sometimes I just have to help people that will not help themselves.

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CloakedMage 4 years ago

Hilarious! xD

I guess in a shallow-one-dimensional way. I mean, if a needy person DOES read this I don't think they'd find the advice "you're obnoxious, so stop being so needy" helpful. Any more than if you had a special challenge in your life; like say, math, or love problems and someone told you: wow, you're stupid (or lame) just get over it and learn math (or ignore your shattered heart). lol

Then again, I don't think needy people would even chance upon this hub since most aren't aware that they're needy.

Interesting hub, nontheless.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Hahaha... this is my tough love approach to curing neediness. ;-) Thanks for reading!

rmcleve profile image

rmcleve 4 years ago from Woodbridge, VA

Great points! As a military brat, we were raised to be self-sufficient and ready at all times. This hub really helps me see why some people confuse me...they just need!

The only kind of "need" I like is kneading, which is both what I do to bread dough and what my cat does to soft blankets.

Great hub! :)

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

We are on the same page on this subject. I've become so frustrated with people that won't even try to help themselves. I was raised to think for myself and solve problems on my own. I just don't think many others are being taught that. However, that might be OK considering I don't think companies want workers like that anymore. They want people that smile, nod, and follow orders. Shesh! Thanks for visiting my hub and thanks for the comment!

torrilynn profile image

torrilynn 4 years ago

jeannieinabottle, really nice hub and advice about whether someone is too needy. as of now i wouldn't consider myself needed, i just guess im use to get what i have always wanted, i blame my parents. haha. anywho great hub and nice photo. thanks and voted up.

TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

TIMETRAVELER2 4 years ago

There are too many "enablers" among us who create clingy, needy people as described in this hub. Sad but true. I think needy people are really miserable within themselves when they could do the same as others and stand up and "do" for themselves. Very interesting article.

MJennifer profile image

MJennifer 4 years ago from Arizona

This is a terrific and much-needed hub, Jeannie. The #1 reason I've broken off friendships has been because of overly-needy people. Sometimes they're stalker-like in their magnitude. The second you try to distance yourself, you get the incessant weepy phone calls: "I must have offended you somehow. I don't know what I did. Please call me." That one is quickly followed by, "Why aren't you calling me?" (Ad nauseum.) Then there's the, "Well, did you ever stop to consider that you might not need me, but I need you?" (Hello! That's the problem! The need thing!)

Then there are the needsters who show up where you are ... everywhere, all the time. They act surprised to see you and stick their hand up in a mock-shy wave. Good grief! They know you're usually there at that time, and they show up to spend some quality time with their favorite "needed" person, and then act surprised that you're there! Another public highjacking.

It's high time someone bring awareness to the problem of needy people ... Thank you!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

torrilynn - Thanks for the vote up. And yes, when all else fails, it is best to blame your parents. Hehe.

TIMETRAVELER2 - I work in customer service and there are sooo many needy folks out there. Instead of taking a few minutes to solve their own problems, they'd rather go through the trouble to call a company, sit on hold, press a bunch of buttons, and then have someone else tell them how to solve their own problem. So sad. Thanks for checking out my hub!

MJennifer - Oh yes, I have experienced that, too. The needy people you try to break away from but they pretty much stalk you because of it. Even if you've explained they are too needy, they still don't get it. They never get it. Thanks for your comment!

torrilynn profile image

torrilynn 4 years ago

jeannieinabottle, (: thanks for agreeing with me on that part. best of wishes.

sharingknowledge profile image

sharingknowledge 3 years ago from Miami, FL

This is a good one LOL. This hub made me start thinking of someone who has exactly the same character and that is me.. Thanks WA pal.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Hahaha... thanks for checking out my hub!

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

THANK YOU . . . for publishing this story. I voted up and away. You deal with a somewhat silent problem among friends that needed bringing to the light and you did a fantastic job of it.

Keep up the great work.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks so much! I am glad you liked the hub. I feel like neediness is getting worse and it needs to be discussed. Technology is allowing way too many people to stop thinking for themselves, and when that happens, they need people to help them out whenever technology can't do it for them. It's a very sad situation all around.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


You are welcome, I guess. Was the above comment @ me? At any rate, you are a fantastic writer. Hope our pathways will cross again.



Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, the comment was for you, Kenneth. :-) Thanks again!

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 2 years ago from Orlando, FL

I can honestly say NO, I am not needy! Probably because needy people irritate me. Oops, did I just admit that? Yep! :)

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

Me? Needy? Absolutely not. And although I enjoy helping people, I DO NOT like people who are needy. They suck the energy right out of me, leaving me exhausted.

Fabulous hub Jeannie and very very well written. Votes aplenty and sharing.

kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


Thank you so much. Do not think I am needy just because I didn't know the comment was to me.




Dan W Miller profile image

Dan W Miller 2 years ago from Southern California now living in Phoenix

Very nice, Jeannie.

Not too long, precise and informative. Gave me some hub subject ideas and I thank you since I've been temporarily stuck.

Wrote a hub regarding social media tips a while back and it was terribly received by the HubPages "star chamber." Deleted it from my account to keep my crummy overall score high enough (for my standards.) *sigh*

It was one of my first attempts at a "how to" hub rather than my usual human interest hubs that don't get searched as much according to community advice given to me.

Perhaps I'll try it again with inspiration from your well written hub.

Thank you,

~ D.

Keeley Shea profile image

Keeley Shea 2 years ago from Norwich, CT

Probably one of the funniest articles I have read lately! Love, love, love the sarcasm.

moonlake profile image

moonlake 2 years ago from America

It was many years ago as a young mother I talked with friends and visited friends. I had a friend ask for my help and needed it at the time, she needed help with her children. I called her every day to make sure she was ok. Through the grapevine I found out she said I was at her home to much. She was saying it as if I was acting needy. I stopped calling, going over and just kind of cut her out of my life along with just about everyone else in my neighborhood. That remark embarrassed me in my neighborhood and I never again visited with friends unless I was ask to stop by. I still don’t ever stop by anyone's house. I’m always worried people are going to think I’m needy. I don’t ever ask for help except from my own family. It takes a lot for me to even ask family for help.

I did enjoy your hub and it made me laugh.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Sunshine625, wow, I can't believe you just said that. :-) That is OK.

vocalcoach, thanks so much! Yeah, the needy people just suck all the energy out of those around them.

kenneth avery, it is OK. Now we have that straightened out. ;-)

Dan W Miller, you should give another "how to" hub a try. They are fun to write and they can be successful. On a side note, I have plenty of hubs that I keep even though they don't rank well. Sometimes I revise them and other times, for no apparent reason, they are successful again.

Keeley Shea, thank you so much! I am glad you liked it.

moonlake, that does not seem fair at all. It sounds like your friend was the needy one, but she blamed you instead. you were right to cut her out of your life. Some people just don't deserve your time. And thanks... I am glad you liked the hub.

Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Useful and funny hub Jeannie. I know a few needy people, in fact I think I was one once but thankfully I grew out of it...eventually. Voted up.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I am glad you grew out of it. :-) Thanks for checking out my hub and thanks for the vote up.

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