Because They Were..I am!

A Beautiful Flower You Are:)

You Were Chosen, From the Beginning!
You Were Chosen, From the Beginning!

Getting it Together?

With my head in a fog...processing the damage, in my now state of mind. Filtering out the bad, to replace it with good! I hope my family will understand, the challenges I have? Trying not to effect them, it seems that I am! As I close myself off to them..they soon walk away.

Oh how I wanted to not effect them..I said? How do I get this, progression of fog to lift? To have that happy cheery face? My heart aches as I see the gloom...that I passed from my life to theirs. Can the regression of life, be put back in it's proper place? If only we could do such a thing?

Yet the God of the Heavens has a plan, that goes beyond our way of thinking. He will make things good, for those who have trusted in Him! I know when the timing is right, my family will come to a new understanding of me...and how, my life ticks. I am far from perfect, yet I strive to be! I used to be a people pleaser, with high expectations, not just of others...but myself too. My fear was that others would reject me, and that they would not approve:) This helped in shadowing myself, from the past. Guarded I did not have to face those deep hurts!

I thank you...Dear Heavenly Father, for soothing my wounds, and mending my heart...with your love! I pray that you would fill me with your joy, that would overflow onto my family! In your precious sons name...Amen!

A Loving Heart?

Love does come...with strings attached!
Love does come...with strings attached!

Labels?

Have you been tagged with abondonment issues?
Have you been tagged with abondonment issues?

Have you ever thought about your life in this way?

Because they were, you are? Why is it...that as we get older, un-answered questions seem to keep resurfacing. You think about your life, and that it is. Yet you wonder..how it could of, been different? The feelings overwhelm you, with the whys of life!

I know there are many of you, who have been so blessed! To have both parents, and grow up in a nurturing and loving home:) If that is your life, this hub may not be of interest to you.

For those who have been abandoned by one or both of their parents...or suffered from a divorced family? You may be able to relate, to what is said here?

This question first came to my mind, when my mother gave me her wedding ring...that was given to her by my father many years ago. At first I didn't wear it..the thought came to my mind? Is this ring a blessing, or a curse? Then focusing on the fact that if they had not come together, I would not be. The two became one, through me. I am 1/2 of my father and 1/2 of my mother's genes. So I now wear the ring on my pinkie with the one diamond closest to me and the other behind the first. When I look at it I think of this quote: "Because they were...I am."

My parents divorced when I was young, they met in Bible College? How could this be, 2 people professing to be Christians getting a divorce? (In those days divorce was one of the ultimate sins of life.) What happened? Were the sins of their fathers, and mothers passed on to them? They were young, both very good looking...with their own separate goals and dreams. I just know that if they could of worked it out, even they..would of been happier than they are today. Sin did enter..into our lives in a big way, tearing our family apart! The enemy of our lives loves to prevent us from receiving a blessing. Satan also hopes, to keep us from sharing the truth in love...that could of been so well taken? We all lost out...on the inherit blessings, that come from living a godly life.

So much hurt has happened over the years...not just to me, but to my siblings, my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents! This separation was devastating to all of us! As some say it is the children that suffer. Now the grand-kids are at loss. What was once supposed to be their spiritual inheritance, has been put on the back burner. They don't see, how susceptible their lives are..in making wrong choices? How much more their own lives could be blessed, by accepting and searching God out.

My past and I have shared much heartache. There was much I didn't understand about my own life, till I was much older. I am still trying to not, figure out the whys...but to accept the realities of my life! Look at the good points, and capitalize on the God given natural abilities He has given me. I am feeling that those abilities, are possibly part of my inheritance to fulfill the verse that says...He will complete in you that which He has started:)

Have you had things trigger the hurts and feelings, that have been buried so deep within? (I went through this for most of my life.) Living in fear, fear of what will or might happen? Guarding myself from getting too close to people. When the pain surfaced it would be so excruciating! I didn't know how to handle it, or even know what to do? Except to push it back down, and lock it in a box!

It wasn't until, I was in my 40's...when I finally could trace back, most of the hurts I dealt with..to one thing? Abandonment! Through a series of events, health issues, depression, oppression, and a loving Aunt! A word picture was formed, and in that word picture I saw a tag labeled "Abandonment!" The tag had many strings attached to it that wrapped around my heart. At the end of each individual string, had another name tag...like sub-tags or sub-headings? When ever something would trigger any one of the names, listed on the tags of my life problems. The strings would tighten around my heart...as they would be pulled by the tag named abandonment! Cutting off the circulation to my heart! You see the root problem...was not the multiple labeled tags, but the main tag that said Abandonment!

This was such a break through for me at the time! I finally could put a name to the problems I had. People can understand the hurt a person feels, when you let them know..you have abandonment issues. Now that I knew the source of my hurts, I was more able to find help with the direction of God's healing hand. Through books, Cd's, and others, He brought into my path...I have been able to start my healing process. I say process, because it was not a healing that took place overnight. It is taking some time..and seems to take me to different levels I never thought I'd be. Now I have a new understanding of stages of life, in our development of knowledge and wisdom...gained through the years of life experiences!

Much mending has occurred, since that day of realization! Even with this new found information, it has taken many steps of faith! There were allot of veils lifted, for my eyes to see the truth...in a more pure form. Many years have gone by, and the journey of life has still proceeded.

© Heart4theword @ hubpages.com 12-2010 all rights reserved.

(Pictures are provided from Flickr.com...first one by: Carden, second Lacecrazy, 3rd by Doblonaut.)

 

Hold Me! You Know Me, When The Storm Begins To Rage!

Lonely Heart!

A love started, that was pure in heart!
A love started, that was pure in heart!

*Note:

 Maybe watching this video, can help prevent another marriage split?  A decision that is made in a fleeting moment, can last a life time...not just for you, but your kids and grandkids!

Stacy Hord Testimony of Restoration

Comments 40 comments

heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

tngolfplayer, looks like you may be a person who loves life, as much as golfing:) Appreciate you taking the time to read and comment! Have a blessed day:)


tngolfplayer profile image

tngolfplayer 5 years ago from Knoxville

Love it, very well done.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

Eiddwen, just was reflecting about my parents this a.m. Talked with them both yesterday. This hub was written, hoping to relate to others...with similar situations? In hopes that healing can be completed:) Appreciate you stopping by!


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

A beautiful hub.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

Daydreamer13, always good to hear from you!


daydreamer13 profile image

daydreamer13 5 years ago

This is such a meaningful hub! I love this! Very well done!


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

Thanks for reading Sun-Girl. It is not the easiest thing to open up, and share our hurts from the heart:)


Sun-Girl profile image

Sun-Girl 5 years ago from Nigeria

Nice piece of work which is well shared,thanks.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

DjBryle...good to hear from you, my friend. I agree with you, that when children are involved..the parent, needs to make decisions, on what is best for their children. I don't agree with anyone staying in an abusive situation! Whatever the reason...for thought of separation, it is good to humble ourselves for some outside help:) Why is it, in many cases the children pay for their parents past mistakes? It was not their fault, they lossed their mother or their father. God Help us All, to be better parents for our children!


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 5 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =)

I know I am, but keep in mind that you've been so blessed too- with a very courageous heart, and an unfaltering faith in HIM... not everyone could have that same courage that you have. I admire you for that. =)

Btw, I shared the link of this hub to my hub so that other married people may think twice before doing anything to emotionally harm their children, and that they must think twice or more for their kids much more than just for themselves.

Thanks! You are one of the best hubbers I met at HP, again I feel so blessed to have met you! See you around. =)


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

Jalapeno10, yes...I know I burried much of these hurts, for many years. When things surfaced...I was face to face with the reality, that I neeeded to ask God for help! So many things beyond my control..controlling me. To continue to press them back under the surface, just added more pressure! I have much better peace now, and my gut and heart are not wrenching:) Thank you for stopping by:) Many Blessings to You!


Jalapeno10 profile image

Jalapeno10 5 years ago

Wow. This is an amazing resource. It has propelled me to look into myself deeply. Thanks


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

DjBryle, I am happy that you can't relate to me on this issue! Believe me, when I say you are so blessed, and have been spared much pain:) Continued Blessing To You:)


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 5 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =)

I could not really say that I feel for you, although I have so many friends who has the same story to tell. All I could do was to hug them and just be there to listen. You are a very courageous person, Heart. Thanks for sharing another beautiful hub. I am sharing this with my friends. Wishing you all the best!


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

Ashlie, thanks for stopping by! It was a painful story from the heart, yet am happy..if others can benefit from it in someway! Maybe give them a detour, avoiding some obstacles that try to trip us up. God can lead us to a better path in life:) Have a blessed day!


AskAshlie3433 profile image

AskAshlie3433 5 years ago from WEST VIRGINIA

Very beautiful words, right from the HEART! This is a great story. You have a way with words, a great writer. Very talented. It is important to be a good friend, help those who are in need. I look forward to reading more. Take care friend. Many blessings


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

Justcallmeleroy, Tina V, and V..thanks for sharing. Tina, I did look at your link, and very interested in reading your e-book:) We all have a story and hurts, that help us to relate to each other:) I think it is so great in that, we meet people who can honestly say I understand..because, they really have been through similar events in their lives. It feels so much better to open up and talk, with a person who from the start, is on your side...rooting for you! Thank you all, so much..for stopping by, and relating to me! You are real:) Hugs to you!~


v_kahleranderson profile image

v_kahleranderson 5 years ago from San Jose, California

A beautiful testimony, Heart, you are honest and open.

I was very little when my mom fled from my real father (an alcoholic, a womanizer and wife beater), so I only have some memories of him. Mostly I remember not liking him, and feeling fear.

My mother re-married to a wonderful American man, who later adopted me and my brother. He became my Daddy, my hero. My parents were married for almost 44 years. My Dad has passed now and gone home to be with our Lord. I miss him so much that it still hurts.

I praise God for the opportunity to have had a real father, a good home, and lots of love.


TINA V profile image

TINA V 5 years ago

It is not really easy to cope with separation and divorce. Both parents and children are affected by such situation. Although kids from a broken family may be deprived of living a normal life, I guess it would also be a way to learn and grow up as a strong, independent individual. I want to share this link to you on a short story that I wrote for another website. Here’s the link:

http://www.bookrix.com/_title-en-tina-v-the-journe...

I hope that everyone will also be inspired with your story. This is a beautiful hub. God bless you and your family.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

James, I am so sorry..to hear you went through what you did. Adults do so much damage to children, they have no idea, nor care..that it effects us for a lifetime! Because of things we've been through, I believe we vow to protect our own children from such tragedies! I hope and pray that by sharing our stories with others..that there would be those who are spared of such heartaches.


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

Yes, I hear you. My mom left me when I was but one year old. She was married seven times; my day three. And his second wife was the quintessential evil step-mother who tortured me physically and pyschologically. Yes, I hear you.


Justcallmeleroy 5 years ago

heart4theword, So happy to read your hubs again. Yes many of us have one or many bonds that the evil one has fooled us into believing that is all on us. At my Church we have a program called break-though. I have went though it it last three days and it is all about the Love of Jesus and people are Loved and nurtured about the different types of Bondage people are Bound with. I have Served at four now and it is so wonderful to see people set free and families brought back together. People that have strayed come back and the ones that are Lost are drawn to Jesus. I am sorry if I keep going about this but it is amazing. Your story you told reminded me of it. May the Lord Bless you keep pressing on. Amen


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

Airbrushing 1968, you are so right in what you say! I too, did have some good examples, even though they were not my parents...it was my grandparents! I am thankful for the testimony that they lived! Always looking back at what made their marriage stick? I examined and re-examined, their daily walk of life? Coming to the conclusion; that what made things work for them, and kept them happy (even in difficult times), was the fact that they had God in their life! They put Him first in everything and everyday...starting their morning in prayer together:) They were married 61years, before one went to meet the Lord:) God did reveal to me, like you mentioned...that the curse could be stopped! It took awhile, for me to share such deep hurts...yet God wants to use them for the good, of others! Once things are out in the open, the enemy can not use them against us...what a difference it makes when things are in the light! No longer trying, to burry or hide the shame. So glad you shared your marriage success! What a great foundation, you have given your children for finding the right mate and having a loving marriage:)


Abrushing1968 profile image

Abrushing1968 5 years ago from USA- Florida

heart4theword

1st Let me say I loved this hub because it speaks primarily my heart. My hubs tend to speak primarily to the intellect. I do this because I remain safe. I am trying to learn how to write hubs that connect emotionally with people. I tend to suffer from a John Wayne Complex. Communicating emotion does not come easy. You have made your self vulnerable by sharing your emotions. Speaking to one of my bigger fears, being vulnerable and looking weak. However, you have done this with grace and assurance. You did not appear weak but wise. Something I can learn from. Thank you.

I am one of those people who grew up in a stable home and does not know the pain of divorce.

My parents proved that it is possible for they have been together 58 years. In today's society, life long marriages should be put on the endangered species list. I credit them for the success of my marriage. For they ware my Godly examples. If they could make it, so can I. I have been with my loving and faithful wife for 22 years now. So far so good.

Like all couples we have had our high and low marks and expect that more are still to come. For me, and my parents before me, divorce is not an option. We ether solve the problems or die miserable. Personally I prefer the former. Solving the problems example Christ and make me a better person. Not to mention it brings stability to my children.

In most cases, divorce is selfishness on one, or both parties part. It speaks volumes to the content of their character. Especially when there are children involved. Your Hub has made this painfully clear. I have 5 kids who's needs must come before mine. They NEED a loving and stable home just assuredly as they need the air they breath and the food they eat. I understand this, My parents understood this, I intend that my children understand this. I am not boasting but am stating a truth that has gotten lost today. It sickens me to see children suffer. You have suffered and it is your parents fault because they were quitters. I am highly distraught and worry for our society because your story is becoming the norm and mine is the exception. This is upside down. Society must be warned! For as the family goes, so goes society! It is to our destruction and the destruction of our national heritage when we abandon our mates and and our children. In most cases, there is no justifiable excuse. People are simply giving up and are only thinking of them selves.

Yet I am encouraged by you, because it appears you have seen this destructive pattern and have purposed not to let this legacy of pain continue into your next generation. You have seen first hand its effects and have determined to be the better. Where I and my parents are testimonies that prove it can be done. You are a sign post telling people how to get there. How to recover. How to heal from this wound of rejection.

You and yours are in my prayers and may your suffering conform you into the image of Christ.

Your brother in Christ

ABR

You


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

Thankyou, restoremyheart! You are so right, I do appreciate what God has done in my life, to mend my broken heart:) Good to see you around!


restoremyheart profile image

restoremyheart 5 years ago

As the Bible says, it is not for us to reason why? Yet God does have all the answers! We just may not know, till one day we reach those pearly gates. Coming from a broken home, does give us broken hearts. You are so fortunate, that you know the God of restoration! A sad but truthful hub, thank you for sharing your story.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

Skellie, that is it..focusing on the here and now. On what we have been brought out of, and what God has blessed us with, in our family. He has given us second chances, and blessed us with children, and a loving husband! Thank you, for sharing your story. It is good to here what God has done, in a persons life! So glad things turned out, the way they did for you...receiving your gifts of love:) You are a special lady, thank you for relating to my, story! Appreciate your words of encouragement too:)


skellie profile image

skellie 5 years ago from Adelaide

What a great hub. I won't go in to heaps of detail because it is a very long story. I grew up with parents that divorced. I remember the night my mum kicked out my dad, there was punch ups on the loungeroom floor. Over the years, arguments over christmas presents, visitations, other family members etc. What made things even worse, is my parents did not believe in god and raised me to believe the same. I joined a sunday school against my mums wishes and was hassled until I gave it up. Then puberty came and I ran a muck, got in heaps of trouble, had lots of bad things happen and became a 15 year old mother. Now my son and I were surrounded by this negativity. Something hit me - like a bolt of lightning, it must have been gods will. I made a promise to myself and my child, that I would not raise him with negative beliefs. 3 years later, I met the man that is now my husband. We have been together for 20 years, extremely happily. My husbands family helped me to find the right path back to god and the happiness he brings. I assess myself every day and give myself a good swift kick, if I need to. Forget the past and feelings of abandonment - see what is right in front of you. The love of a beautiful, happy and together family.Spend as much time as you can with your family. It fills your heart with complete joy.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

onceuponatime66, UGH is right! Just not the same, growing up without one or both of your parents. You wouldn't think such an ache, could last so long? So thankful for God..in His intervention in my life:)


onceuponatime66 profile image

onceuponatime66 5 years ago from USA IL

Hey what a great issue to have Abandonment: I have too, I will have to hub it. Basically I can identify with your article and story because my real mom died when I was 5-she was 33. Grew up feeling lost and abandoned. Then my husband was unfaithful to me in marriage and walked out on me a 1 yr old baby. UGH. Thanks for sharing yours.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

I know hello, hello somethings are just out of our control. You can not force another to do what's right...so doing the best that you can for yourself and your son! Thanks for stopping by, we'll keep looking up:)


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

A wonderful written hub although painful. I know what it is all about. I can see it in our son and myself. It is very destroying and I tried to avoide it but after a 10 year battle I had to face divorce. Well don't let it destroy your life. They are not worth it. Good luck and best wishes.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

Jeanie R and Tamarjo, you both are so right. This is a very real issue..and many are affected by this heart wrenching label. Not chosen by any of us! I've mentioned this before in other hubs? There are 2 books that have helped me with healing in this area:) "Bondage Breaker" and "Reclaiming Surrendered Ground"...the latter, you need to be sure to put your spiritual armor on, yet this book has been life changing for many. The first book, helps to broaden the lines of our spiritual communication with our God:), while our past is cleaned up:) Thanks so much, for commenting and relating to this much related subject!


Tamarajo profile image

Tamarajo 5 years ago from Southern Minnesota

There is generational line in our family as well that I seek to destroy. My mother and I have partnered to see it not lived to the next generation.

Your observations of the pain and destruction it causes are extremely accurate and I don't think anyone comes out of it without that pain of abandonment and rejection.


JeanieR profile image

JeanieR 5 years ago from Sequoia National Forest, CA

Abandonment has many faces, some beyond the obvious. A child can grow up in a home with both birth parents, be married to the same spouse for forty years and still live in total emotional abandonment. It's hard to get the lingo for that. Many people suffer the pain of abandonment of one kind or another. The sad part is that they often do not have the proper label for it. Call it abandonment and you can get involved with the healing process.

Thank you for writing about abandonment. This hub should get some folks thinking who really need to do that. Too often we just live in a state of chronic pain, doing nothing about it, because we have no idea WHAT to do.

God bless!


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

Dave Matthews and Jagandelight, you both are right on track! It is only through God's lead, that I was led out of the bondage I was in:) What a merciful God we have!


Dave Mathews profile image

Dave Mathews 5 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

This is a great hub. back about 40-45 years ago befor I got into reading my Bible, I used to think things like this all the time. As soon as I opened my Bible and began reading it my eyes were opened and my questions answered. I am Spirit, living in flesh.


jagandelight profile image

jagandelight 5 years ago from Florida

Abandonment is unfortunately a big issue for many people and i am one of them that can relate. This issue was an uphill battle for me,it took me to places that i would not want to revisit. If it had not been for the Grace of God that help me through the process to understand somethings, drop off somethings while He cleanse me, and He helped me to be able to forgive myself and my generation, and then He rebuild and restored me, and today I am whole, praise God.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub Author

I agree with you, there are those who feel abandonment, because of loss. There are the working parents who provide for their kids, yet are not home or don't spend enough quality or quanity time with their family. Can totally relate to what your saying. No matter how the abandonment got there, the pain can still linger. So glad that God, has healed your heart:) He is so great, how He can give us the strength to move on...to forgive, and accept the way things have happened. I think we can make better parents for our kids, because of the things we lived without. Someday, they will understand more fully..when the time is right. Happy it was you, that was my first responder:)


Judicastro profile image

Judicastro 5 years ago from birmingham, Alabama

Dear heart

As I started to read this I got to the part where you said "I know there are many of you, who have been so blessed! To have both parents, and grow up in a nurturing and loving home:) If that is your life, this hub may not be of interest to you." My first thought was-my parents were happily married, but daddy died when he was 50 and I was 12....." As I read further I read where your parents met at a Christian college - etc. This could have been my x and I. I began to relate on many different levels. I have had to address the abandonment issues not only with me, but my daughter as well. Even though my parents were happily married there was still that sense of being left or abandoned when daddy died. My mom slipped away into her own self imposed coffin having lost her mate and best friend. So in many ways I lost them both. Years later when my then husband asked for a divorce after years of unfaithfulness on his part I once again felt abandoned. For years I would feel like a hamster on a wheel just trying to keep everyone I loved happy for fear they would leave me. I still have my moments but for the most part God has healed me and my heart.

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