Because They Were..I am!
A Beautiful Flower You Are:)
Getting it Together?
With my head in a fog...processing the damage, in my now state of mind. Filtering out the bad, to replace it with good! I hope my family will understand, the challenges I have? Trying not to effect them, it seems that I am! As I close myself off to them..they soon walk away.
Oh how I wanted to not effect them..I said? How do I get this, progression of fog to lift? To have that happy cheery face? My heart aches as I see the gloom...that I passed from my life to theirs. Can the regression of life, be put back in it's proper place? If only we could do such a thing?
Yet the God of the Heavens has a plan, that goes beyond our way of thinking. He will make things good, for those who have trusted in Him! I know when the timing is right, my family will come to a new understanding of me...and how, my life ticks. I am far from perfect, yet I strive to be! I used to be a people pleaser, with high expectations, not just of others...but myself too. My fear was that others would reject me, and that they would not approve:) This helped in shadowing myself, from the past. Guarded I did not have to face those deep hurts!
I thank you...Dear Heavenly Father, for soothing my wounds, and mending my heart...with your love! I pray that you would fill me with your joy, that would overflow onto my family! In your precious sons name...Amen!
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A Loving Heart?
Have you ever thought about your life in this way?
Because they were, you are? Why is it...that as we get older, un-answered questions seem to keep resurfacing. You think about your life, and that it is. Yet you wonder..how it could of, been different? The feelings overwhelm you, with the whys of life!
I know there are many of you, who have been so blessed! To have both parents, and grow up in a nurturing and loving home:) If that is your life, this hub may not be of interest to you.
For those who have been abandoned by one or both of their parents...or suffered from a divorced family? You may be able to relate, to what is said here?
This question first came to my mind, when my mother gave me her wedding ring...that was given to her by my father many years ago. At first I didn't wear it..the thought came to my mind? Is this ring a blessing, or a curse? Then focusing on the fact that if they had not come together, I would not be. The two became one, through me. I am 1/2 of my father and 1/2 of my mother's genes. So I now wear the ring on my pinkie with the one diamond closest to me and the other behind the first. When I look at it I think of this quote: "Because they were...I am."
My parents divorced when I was young, they met in Bible College? How could this be, 2 people professing to be Christians getting a divorce? (In those days divorce was one of the ultimate sins of life.) What happened? Were the sins of their fathers, and mothers passed on to them? They were young, both very good looking...with their own separate goals and dreams. I just know that if they could of worked it out, even they..would of been happier than they are today. Sin did enter..into our lives in a big way, tearing our family apart! The enemy of our lives loves to prevent us from receiving a blessing. Satan also hopes, to keep us from sharing the truth in love...that could of been so well taken? We all lost out...on the inherit blessings, that come from living a godly life.
So much hurt has happened over the years...not just to me, but to my siblings, my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents! This separation was devastating to all of us! As some say it is the children that suffer. Now the grand-kids are at loss. What was once supposed to be their spiritual inheritance, has been put on the back burner. They don't see, how susceptible their lives are..in making wrong choices? How much more their own lives could be blessed, by accepting and searching God out.
My past and I have shared much heartache. There was much I didn't understand about my own life, till I was much older. I am still trying to not, figure out the whys...but to accept the realities of my life! Look at the good points, and capitalize on the God given natural abilities He has given me. I am feeling that those abilities, are possibly part of my inheritance to fulfill the verse that says...He will complete in you that which He has started:)
Have you had things trigger the hurts and feelings, that have been buried so deep within? (I went through this for most of my life.) Living in fear, fear of what will or might happen? Guarding myself from getting too close to people. When the pain surfaced it would be so excruciating! I didn't know how to handle it, or even know what to do? Except to push it back down, and lock it in a box!
It wasn't until, I was in my 40's...when I finally could trace back, most of the hurts I dealt with..to one thing? Abandonment! Through a series of events, health issues, depression, oppression, and a loving Aunt! A word picture was formed, and in that word picture I saw a tag labeled "Abandonment!" The tag had many strings attached to it that wrapped around my heart. At the end of each individual string, had another name tag...like sub-tags or sub-headings? When ever something would trigger any one of the names, listed on the tags of my life problems. The strings would tighten around my heart...as they would be pulled by the tag named abandonment! Cutting off the circulation to my heart! You see the root problem...was not the multiple labeled tags, but the main tag that said Abandonment!
This was such a break through for me at the time! I finally could put a name to the problems I had. People can understand the hurt a person feels, when you let them know..you have abandonment issues. Now that I knew the source of my hurts, I was more able to find help with the direction of God's healing hand. Through books, Cd's, and others, He brought into my path...I have been able to start my healing process. I say process, because it was not a healing that took place overnight. It is taking some time..and seems to take me to different levels I never thought I'd be. Now I have a new understanding of stages of life, in our development of knowledge and wisdom...gained through the years of life experiences!
Much mending has occurred, since that day of realization! Even with this new found information, it has taken many steps of faith! There were allot of veils lifted, for my eyes to see the truth...in a more pure form. Many years have gone by, and the journey of life has still proceeded.
© Heart4theword @ hubpages.com 12-2010 all rights reserved.
(Pictures are provided from Flickr.com...first one by: Carden, second Lacecrazy, 3rd by Doblonaut.)
Hold Me! You Know Me, When The Storm Begins To Rage!
Maybe watching this video, can help prevent another marriage split? A decision that is made in a fleeting moment, can last a life time...not just for you, but your kids and grandkids!