Being friends with your ex
Think of it as... starting over
Frankly, this is a hub I never thought I would write less than a year ago.
But I suppose it happens to the best of us.
Sometimes things don't work out with someone you date or even become seriously involved with. Of course this is a tragedy, but it doesn't need to be.
So maybe it didn't work out with that person you thought you'd love your whole life. It doesn't mean you can't see him or her anymore, talk to them like you used to, or even hang out with them.
There must have been a reason that you loved them in the first place.
I think it's a shame for couples to break up and then never really speak again unless if their relationship wasn't the greatest in the first place. I believe that good friends are never in large enough supply and we can't afford to lose them.
However, this can be difficult. No matter how close you were before, a break-up can make things especially uncomfortable.
The one thing I believe is necessary in repairing what you once had and starting anew without the previous status you held with that person before is TIME. Just give it time.
Give yourself enough space to realize who you are and to let things cool down. Hanging out again and doing the same old thing too early can ruin friendships or take you steps backward.
At first it might seem impossible to even imagine going back to anything near what you had before, if only friendship.I thought it would be the hardest thing to do, but several months later I finally figured it out. It was hard to know if I still like my ex, if I wanted to move on, and then when I did decide I wanted to move on, I wasn't sure how I was going to fit him into the life I wanted.
So the next hard part was to decide how we were going to be. You have to decide what you would want from a relationship with your ex, what your motives and goals are, if it's just lust, etc. I was seeing someone else at that point, so obviously I couldn't hang out the way I used to. So the next piece of advice I have to give is BE HONEST.
You have to be frank with your ex and, if applicable, with your new significant other. You can't lie and say to one that you're not hanging out with the other if you are. You can't say they mean more or less than they really do. You have to tell the truth so that things can fall into place and so you're not creating a story that will fail to materialize successfully.
This also means you have to be true to yourself. You have to respect yourself and realize what you want. Sometimes this might hurt, but you only have one life. Come away with no regrets.
Be kind and considerate. Try to remember why you broke up in the first place and why you didn't get along so you don't do those same things again. Remember what you learned from your relationship with that person and put it into effect. This is not the time to quarrel or to be self-righteous; you gave up those things when you guys broke up.
It took me a little while to try out a few things, see what I was comfortable with and what I wanted from my ex after we broke up. I can't say I did everything perfectly, but I am happy in general with how things turned out. Now we talk regularly, friendly, and can be around each other without being awkward, like... friends.
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