Break Up Letters to Boyfriend

Break Up Letters are Painful

Writing a Break Up Letter

How to Write a Break Up Letter to Your Boyfriend

If you're looking for break up letters to boyfriends, it's probably because you seek guidance for an impending break up. You'll find that here. In the future, I'll provide samples of break up letters to boyfriends (not real letters, but something you can model), but for now I want to give some guidelines.

Many people say that a break up letter is never appropriate, and that you should do it face-to-face. I strongly disagree. Many times, doing it this way is best -- sometimes doing it face-to-face can be too scary (so you end up delaying) or even dangerous (if he has a history of abuse). We even have a term for break up letters to boyfriends: "A Dear John letter." Of course, in these days, it's not always break up letters; just as often, it's a break up email (though hopefully you're not sending a break up text to your boyfriend!)

Following these break up letter steps:

Step 1: Why I'm writing

After your "Dear [Boyfriend]," explain the reasons why you couldn't speak face-to-face. Maybe you're scared, maybe he acts violent, or maybe you just feel too guilty to face him. Tell him that you know he would want to hear this information as soon as possible, and this is the best way for you to do it.

Step 2: Why we're breaking up

Tell your boyfriend that you've decided to end the relationship. You might want to explain why, or it might be obvious to you both (e.g., cheating). Focus on yourself and how you feel, and try not to dwell on your ex-boyfriend's faults.

If there isn't a clear reason, you might just say that though you appreciate his positive qualities, the relationship isn't working for you. Express that you've enjoyed your time together, but now you know it's time for you to move on. Let him know that you'll have fond memories (if it's true).

Step 3: "Get help"

If the relationship was troubled by your his unhealthy behavior (e.g., cheating, substance abuse, violence), you may want to express how that affected you. You can recommend that he get help. Repeat that you know that it's time for you to move on, and that -- even if he changes for the better -- your decision remains.

Step 4: Possibly friends?

Although I don't recommend that you bring up friendship, if you want to stay open to the possibility of friendship, you can say so. This generally isn't a good idea, but sometimes it's OK, especially in cases where you were friends first. You can let your boyfriend know know that you both need time to heal, but there is the possibility of friendship down the line.

Step 5: Your decision is final

If you don't want to retain any possibility of getting together again, tell him that you are certain in your decision to split, and ask him to respect that. If you don't wish to hear from him again, let him know that calls, visits, and correspondence are not welcome. Remind them that you don't wish to spend any more time discussing what went wrong, and that you're getting on with your life.

Step 6: Apologize

If you did anything to harm your ex-boyfirned -- especially if you cheated or lied to him - apologize in the most heartfelt way possible. However, as advice columnist Dan Savage says, "All relationships fail until one doesn't," so don't blame yourself simply because your relationship didn't "succeed."

Step 7: "All the best..."

End your break up letter to your boyfriend with your best wishes. Remind him that now it's time to heal, and that you will not be seeking or receiving contact with him. Though it may be difficult, avoid ending the letter with "Love, [Your name]."

Remember: Concentrate on the task at hand: Ending the relationship, not analyzing it. Also, avoid mentioning that you love him, even if it's true. Mentioning your love for him will only confuse him and give false hope, so avoid it.

Break ups are hard to do, and even writing a break up letter to your boyfriend can be an exhausing experience. Take some time for yourself, and then get on with your life!

Why Break Up with a Letter?

For most relationships, breaking up in person is the most appropriate and respectful way to breakup. If it has been a long-term relationship and you're able to express yourself freely with your partner, you should show them the courtesy and respect of breaking up face-to-face.

However, sometimes circumstances dictate that a breakup be done in writing. For example, a break up letter might be appropriate if:

  • Your partner tends to behave violently or engage in physical or verbal abusive
  • Your partner did something to violate you or betray your trust (such as cheating), and you no longer wish to interact with them again
  • You've tried to break up in the past, and your partner refuses to listen or let you speak freely
  • Your partner refuses to meet you or take your calls
  • It's a long-distance relationship, and you're not able to see them or call

Things to consider...

If you're thinking of writing a break up letter because you lack the courage to face them, try to summon the willpower to do it in-person. As long as the situation isn't threatening, it's the best way to go. Though it's difficult to deliver bad news and make someone get upset or cry, it can seem disrespectful and avoidant to write them instead.

However, if you've been avoiding breaking up because you dread the face-to-face encounter, stop delaying and write them! it's better to break it off ASAP -- even if that means through a letter or email -- so you both can get on with your lives. Some people spend months or even years avoiding a break up out of fear; do it in writing if that's the only way you can!

Also, if you have trouble expressing yourself in-person, you might want to write a breakup letter and then give it to your partner while you're with him or her - there's nothing wrong with that.

BTW, If you're looking for my original Break Up Letter to Boyfriends article, click the link.

Comments 4 comments

enepsigo 6 years ago

Great Advised that we all need at one time or another. Always remember, we all have feelings and we are not made out of stone. A broken Heart is a broken heart and both need time to heal.

cynthia 6 years ago

AAHHHH!! how do i break-up with someone im in luv eith, but i aint sure if he lost luv in me....

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rejoice cow 2 years ago

Very helpful

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