Break-ups: It's not me..it's you.
Relationships are never easy to end. Whether you've been dating for years or weeks, walking away from someone you care about is never a simple task. It's proven that all relationships go through phases. Now, how long each state is carried out or the extremity, depends on the individuals. Let me tell you a bit about these stages of relationships.
Getting to know one another as a couple is a great experience. Starting off as a new couple, there is much to be learned. Before you start thinking about a future with your possible boyfriend or girlfriend, everyone does the same things, you talk to your friends. Find out what they know about this person. Let's not be mistaken about this one, we don't need to believe everything we hear. Too bad boys don't come with a carfax report. We could just check the mileage, read all the complaints, review his ability on the road and make sure he wouldn't leave you stranded somewhere. But that would make life a little too easy, wouldn't it?
Then, we test our boundaries. See what turns our potential beau on, and what really pushes their buttons. When a guy comments on a cute picture of you on Facebook, you will soon find out his scale on the jealousy meter.
The "Honey Moon stage" , also known as the point in ones relationship when you are completely infatuated with each other, and flaws go completely unnoticed. The period where his jokes are always funny, you'll eat mushrooms and pretend to like them, and sit through re-runs of football games he's tivo-ed and seen six times.
Unfortunately, the human mind can only take so much before the point of eruption. This is commonly called "The Make it or Break it" stage. The time in which people really exhibit their real, unconditional, true personality as the relationship moves into a more comfortable stage. This is the point in which someone who's in a commitment just for the thrill and newness, jumps ship.
Now, you've reached the final stage.
Your at the final term in evaluating if this relationship is right for you and whether is it worth saving. Think everything thoroughly, go ahead and re-think all the pro's and con's. Consider all the things that brought your relationship to this point. Not every story has a happy ending, the things you believed in growing up, like the princess kissing her prince and doves flying around to a perfectly harmonized love tune, yeah, sorry that's only in movies. Face it, you've found this commitment wasn't all you hoped for. Whether it was a change in feelings, or just too many arguments, there are thousands of reasons a relationship can go wrong. Even though sometimes, you tend to believe there wasn't a good reason. If it's over, there definitely was one - and probably more than one. It might be difficult to take in, but if the relationship wasn't what both you and your partner wanted, it would have ended eventually. And better sooner than later.
You are probably asking yourself, what do I do now? I'm single and trying to handle the emotional stress of this break-up. Truth is if you still care about your ex theirs no simple way of handling this. But their is plenty of things you can do to help make it easier.
Surviving A Break-Up
Whether the break-up was in person or on the phone..(If your partner ends things through a text message or any other written statement, he is an idiot and do not re-think why you are no longer together)..the minute it happens call your closest friends and ask them to come over. Don't get off the phone until your doorbell rings. Don't try to be strong, if you can't be honest to yourself and your friends you will and I mean will, lose it completely. If you want to cry, shout, sob, do whatever it takes until you feel you've let out as much emotion as possible. One important thing about relationships, never lose contact with your friends. Remember they were there before your boyfriend, and if you let them, they will be there after. Don't get caught up in the honeymoon stage, it's not healthy to revolve your life around your relationship.
Soon enough, the next day kicks in. It's normal to re-think everything that has happened. Thinking to yourself "I'm completely alone, and he's gone", will not help a thing. Surround yourself with loved ones. Get out of your house. If your friends want to go see a movie, don't think twice about it! Truth is, sitting in your room staring at four walls, will do you no good. Your going to get the urge to call him, see him, text him, check his activity on Facebook. Don't do it, I promise you nothing good will come from that. The person who ended the relationship will be the one to make the contact. And if your the one sitting in your room with a carton of rocky road ice cream, we both know it was not you.
Connect with the world, make plans for every day! Preoccupy your time. Warning; leaving your house you will run into people. And people will ask about your ex. Be honest, I don't mean sit with them for hours and cry about what went wrong, I mean tell them you are no longer together, if you don't want to talk about it, say so. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your relationship.
Believe it or not, their will come the time when your ex's name re-appears onto your phone. Whether it's to be friends, or get his clothes back, be cool and relax. Keep your space, that means not seeing each other, no phone calls or texts. Even minimal contact is only going to keep your hopes high in re-kindling your flame. Why put yourself through unnecessary stress? If they try to convince you to see them, ask yourself honestly…what's the point? Living in the past will only get you caught up in the moment, making it harder to let go. Damaging yourself and all the progress you have made. Try to limit conversation to things absolutely necessary.
This tends to be the most difficult of the recovery process for most. It's up to you whether your ready or not, gathering up his belongings also known as the "cute couple things". The cards, letters, photographs, anything and everything. Put them all in a garbage bag and stash them away, and far from your sight. Stop reading his old text messages, delete them. Avoid things that make you think of him, you know that staying home listening to love music and looking through old pictures isn't going to bring him back into your life or suddenly heal your hurt. "Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."
Deal with the "Hate Stage" . After a while of having no interaction with your ex your going to hit that phase where your rage will take over. The anger you feel, depending how bad the break up was. It's especially a hard time when you're dealing with a break up due to infidelity. You may be so mad at your ex for wasting your time, or maybe even mad at yourself. Listen, let go of those feelings. It's a waste of time and energy. This only puts your ex more in your mind and confuses feelings of love with hate. Seriously, you don't need this.
Most importantly, move on. Don't ignore that cute guy you've seen at a couple of parties, just because of your ex. He's your EX for a reason! He's passed tense and don't confuse that with the present. Remove the umbilical cord that still ties you two together. That means tell your friends you don't want to hear about him. Your not interested in people reporting every piece of gossip about him. Don't spend your life trying to find out about his. If he hasn't tried to get in contact with you, trust me he's not to worried about your whereabouts. Also tell your friends you don't want him to be a main topic of conversation. Some friends who encourage you to believe your ex will come back, are just trying to make you feel better. Don't believe anything anyone says about your ex, unless it comes directly from his mouth.
You lived before him…You sure as hell will after.
Never allow yourself to be someone's doormat. Know your worth, and don't let others influence you and put you down. Be optimistic, life goes on. Their is absolutely no benefit in holding on to a heart ache. You were brave enough to open your heart and start a relationship, don't punish yourself for falling for someone. You're strong enough for taking that risk in the first place. If it didn't work this time remember, there will always be a next time.
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