Can He Figure Out What You Want? How Psychic Does He Have to Be?

Carol's Question:

Veronica: I have been dating my BF for 14 months. I am 55 and he will be 57. We have a good relationship. The thing is I want to get married. He doesn't know this, I would never nag about it. He is divorced and bought a house closer to mine and is buying furniture, rugs, pictures, etc. This makes me feel he is setting up this house for himself, not including me. He never talks about living together. We broke up 2 days ago over a trivial fight. He told me as he walked out the door that he loves me. For the past 12 months I have lived at his house every w/e and I told him I am not going to do it anymore. If he doesn't get the pic about living together/marriage after this I don't know what else to do.

Does it sound to you like he is avoiding the living together/marriage thing?

Carol

My Answer

Carol,

I'm very surprised by your ages considering your situation. I would have guessed you were a teenager.

It doesn't sound like he's avoiding anything to me.
It does however seem as if he doesn't want to live with you, and has made no effort to discuss or consider that arrangement.
But if you've never told him what you want, I'm not sure that his pursuit of independence is the only thing he'd consider.

You said you told him that you won't be living at his place on the weekends anymore, and that you think that should make him "get the pic." I don't understand how the two are connected. So, I'm not sure why he would.
If you were to tell me you don't want to watch my dog on the weekend anymore, it would never occur to me that's your secret-code for your want the dog to live with you full time.

You said you want to get married, and you said he doesn't know this. Why is it that at your age you can't just talk to him like a person and tell him what you want? Why is it a secret that you think he should have to figure out with unrelated clues?

You need to have a respectful, mature conversation with him where you explain what you want, ask him what he wants, and TALK. Stop expecting him to just figure it out. I also think you need to stop judging him for not bringing it up first. Only then can you know what he wants, and what your wants mean to him.

Best,

Veronica

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Comments 1 comment

JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 7 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Carol is the one who isn't getting the clues!  The guy bought a house close to hers and is decorating it for himself.  Obviously he wants to continue the relationship, but marriage isn't part of the equation.  This is *not* a bad thing!  Many married couples would love to have separate homes!  See each other when they want to, go to their own corners, so to speak, when they don't.  The best of both worlds.

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