Top and effective ways to avoid divorce!

‘In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.’ – Robert Anderson

Divorce can be heart rending as you cannot reconcile to the fact that your marriage has ended. Why does divorce happen in most modern marriages? Where did the love you had for each other go?

You marry with the intention of living with your spouse till the day you live. But the small and unknowing mistakes you make snowballs as a major destroyer of your marriage. You feel lost when the intense love you had for each other fades gradually. You had always felt that your love for each other will last for an eternity, didn't you?

During your love days you can afford to be carefree and casual. But after marriage you have lots of commitments and responsibilities to fulfill. You feel lost as you can no longer be fun loving and light hearted.

You never realized that your marriage needed serious and dedicated contribution from you to make it a success. When you marry your spouse, you also marry problems and responsibilities. Responsibilities can crush your mental stability if you do not have the energy to fulfill it.

The love days between you and your spouse could have been fun filled, but your days after marriage will always be duty filled. The persistent commitments you have to fulfill make you long for your life before marriage. The misunderstanding you have with your spouse causes you immense mental depression.

You have great expectations about your married life and you think that you will ‘live happily ever after’. There can be no fairy tale ending to any marriage as you have to battle against problems after problems in your married life.

Your unrealistic expectations about your spouse are soon dashed to the ground as he\she seems to an entirely different person after marriage. You do not try to understand your spouse. You do not put in efforts to revive your lackluster marriage.

You quickly lose interest in your spouse and your marriage. You make much ado about the minor faults of your spouse and everything he\she does is blown out of proportion by you. The differences between you become a monumental stress point in your life.

  • If your spouse is late from work, you fight with him\her.
  • If he\she does not share household chores, you get wild with anger at him\her.
  • His\her habits make you edgy.
  • You fight over money matters.
  • You lose the mutual respect you had for each other.

These sort of petty reasons soon pave way to major issues of incompatibility, intolerance, non adjustment and many more mind tugging problems. Your love slowly gets tangled in such issues and you are not able to untie the knot. Gradually your marriage shrivels into boredom and finally ends in a divorce court.

Can divorce be avoided?

Mal-adjustment and intolerance are like livid wounds, very hurting, but curable. You do not amputate your hand for a wound, do you? You apply medicine to avoid infection, change the dressing and you find your wound gradually healing.

What would have happened if you had left the wound unattended? Your wound turns infectious and gangrene sets in and you might lose your hand.

It is the same with your marriage.

  • When small problems crop up, you should immediately discuss it with your spouse.
  • You should sort it out with him\her.
  • You must develop tolerance in your interaction with your spouse.
  • There should be enough spacing between you.
  • You should give your spouse the liberty to fulfill his\her personal wishes.

There no such thing as a perfect marriage! Great expectations about marriage can lead to great disappointments. You should be practical enough to realize that your spouse is an individual prone to have his\her own wishes. Unrealistic expectations and idealistic imagination always make your marriage strained and tensed.

You should overlook the minor faults of your spouse! You must take the petty mistakes committed by him\her lightly! You should glorify the good aspects of your spouse! You should spend quality time together! Family issues should be handled together! Just like your work, your marriage also needs dedication on the part of both to avoid the agony of divorce.

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MsDora profile image

MsDora 3 years ago from The Caribbean

Mathira, good counsel as usual. My very first hub was about staying together. http://hubpages.com/relationships/Levelheaded-Divo... I agree with your points wholeheartedly.

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