Can you be friends after being lovers?

Could you do it?

In many relationships, breaking up arrives at one time or another unless you are choosing to walk down the aisle, that is. Being in a relationship, you share a lot of memories. Some make you cry, others make you happy but overall saying goodbye means putting all of them in your back pocket and moving on even if it was not the greatest of times, they are still memories. Sometimes, couples promise friendship but most of the time it results to more broken promises and broken hearts.

So, why can't ex- lovers resume friendship? Why is it always lovers or nothing?

However, in the relationship world there is always, the heartbreaker and the other is left in dismay. Feeling distraught for weeks maybe even months and I for one have been there. Unfortunately, the one behind the break up in the first place is left less of the bad guy by offering a truce.. 'its not working out no more but we can still be friends?' Unfortunately, we all would like this feeling to be true but as he is offering his friendship, you on the other hand are thinking, hes not that bad after all because he still wants to know me. Why does he still want to know you? Someone there when times get desperate?

The dumped will clearly see the dumper as this amazing person and not as a monster. Although, remaining friends also means the dumper will be around just as much and can not miss anything in their ex partners life. Is this the case? The dumper may leave you an occasional friendly email or text message but I'm sure these will soon fade as they will be getting on with their life for example, Finding new lovers and even if it did, it would end worse then the break up itself, so don't kid yourself. When they want to meet up for a coffee and catch up on old times just remember the dumper ripped your heart out, stamped on it a few times and then left you with a coffee that clearly doesn't taste nice!!! Being friends really worth while?

Many ex lovers find it possible to have casual sex with each other but even though, by this point it is hard to accept that the relationship is over, it would be difficult to ever revive your relationship! Even goodbye sex will bring you back to where you started! When the dumper moves on, they will not want to see you as someone for casual sex they will have their new lover. This will obviously spark envy. Is it really worth it? No matter how thick skinned you may be, it will be hard to ever see that person in the same light. You have seen that person naked and clearly can not be friends because all you will ever think is what his under his/hers clothes and that is not a healthy friendship! You will always have an image of them and will always be triggered by their smell of their perfume, hair or skin and maybe that song that brings back the memories of them. Music plays a big part, i have you know! Although, you will but on a brave face and laugh at their stupid jokes but you will never forget the sheer ecstasy that was so strong between one another.

Another reason for why you can never be friends is that you can never confide in them. Imagine saying to your ex that your date stood you up one night, your pride just wouldn't let you. Its always going to be a sensitive issue, whatever way you look at it. Fair enough them being in your life would always provide you with some sort of security but will you ever know how they are truly feeling?

One of the you will always feel resentful for what the other has done which brings me onto the next subject, never wanting them to be with someone else even if you think you have got over them. This is human nature! It almost becomes a race to finish first and first prize a new lover and the other one is left defeated and bitter especially if you was the one dumped. The thought of someone else sharing those glorious memories that you and your ex once shared will obviously be heart braking and completely grim but what can you do? Put a brave smile on your face and get on with life?

Leaving the past in the past is difficult enough and you don't want that text message that they sent you in your inbox bringing you down all the time. With them still there it will make it harder and tough to move on. So, get rid! Every time that you see your so called 'friend' there will definitely be that warmth and sexual zest between the two of you. Although, you may find the other person entirely unattractive its highly possible that you could fall into another night of 'goodbye sex', just for old times sake. Having that person still lurking in your life, it will become harder to move on and you will be forever struggling to make it back into the dating scene. Instead of potientally dooming the relationship anymore and dragging it through the mud, start a fresh chapter in your liveliness and find someone new.

In the beautiful world, it would be excellent if you could accomplish the friendship with your ex, but when jealousy, the resentment, the sexual tension and human nature wants to come out, its entirely impossible! Unless you and your ex were best friends before hand or it was a mutual agreement, nor no remorse about seeing other people and totally approved of an honesty policy then maybe just maybe being friends couldn't be difficult.

 

More by this Author


Comments

No comments yet.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working