Capture Him and Cage Him!

Christian Carter

Ladies - What is your opinion?

Do you think that Christian Carter is ripping vulnerable women off?

See results without voting

Guys - What is your opinion?

Do you want a woman to be trained by Christian Carter before she dates you?

See results without voting

Get Paid For Dating!

Whew! I didn't realize how complicated dating has become these days. My daugher, Laurel, is 22 and in the dating scene. She showed me an email that she received. It was from a nice man named Christian Carter.

Christian Carter is a self proclaimed dating expert. He has been making keen observations and taking notes while dating for many years. He claims that he is also an expert in psychology. I am certain you can believe that he is the only man who can help the single ladies not just catch a man but keep him!

It's true ladies. You can learn how to know what your special man is thinking and how to attract him like bees to honey. After you have managed to get that special man's attention, you will learn how to not turn him off. Christian can tell you every secret to stay off your man's last nerve and make him want to stick around you and your stuff!

Why? Because he can teach you how men think. He can tell you just what to say. Don't be fooled there isn't another man alive who knows all that Christian Carter knows.

What's Your Price?

This is another newer and improved dating tactic in the event that Christian Carter's program doesn't work out. If you are pretty you can have an account. Men check you out and offer a price for you to go out on a date with him. He emails you an offer and if you think it is worth your time you can accept and get paid! This used to be called prostitution.

Capture Him and Cage Him!

My program is a bit more aggressive for those of you who just could not follow Christians instructions or get a good deal with a paying customer. If you know that the apple of your eye is not falling for your charms you will need my kit. It comes with everything you will need to capture your chosen man.

  • taser
  • handcuffs (with a key for you!)
  • soundproof foam blocks
  • rope
  • gag
  • gurney
  • 4 point restraints

Getting the guy of your dreams can be as easy as 1, 2, 3. Once you scope him out smile and keep that taser in your pocket. Approach him quietly and zap him from behind. He will love the element of surprise! Then simply tie him up, gag him and drag him home. Then after you drag him into your house, place him gently into the gurney and strap him in.

While you bathe, feed and clothe him you can get to know each other better! I would recommend viewing "Misery," by Stephen King for maximum effectiveness:)

More by this Author


Comments 142 comments

No_Clue profile image

No_Clue 5 years ago

A splendid expose' here! OMG!!! This kind of jerk makes me sick! Great job and thank you!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey thanks No Clue! Obviously you do have a clue! Haha! Too funny isn't it? He actually goes by another name too - David D'Angelo. What a scam! I just couldn't leave it alone!

Thanks so much for reading!


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

This is just too funny. This guy is nuts! I have a mallet :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Susan - you are too funny! Omg! Can you believe that guy? There are even testimonials by women saying how great the program is! I feel sorry for any female who may be lonely and think this is the answer.


theoctopusjar profile image

theoctopusjar 5 years ago from The Bay Area, CA

Why is it that the woman must change? It's pretty sickening that he makes money by preying on such insecurities, and the false structure of a completely altered personality. Thanks for posting this. :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi octopusjar - exactly. It is terrible that anyone is taking him seriously. I agree with you! Just another example of how people will do anything - including taking advantage of other human beings - for profit.

Thanks so much for your comments:)


neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 5 years ago from new delhi

lol even this is getting commercial?????? good for the gross domestic product i guess but horrible for romance.where are the days when you just had seea girl smile and then you wer lost in a haze for daysssssss.

i am glad for many things-

1- i am no longer in the dating scene

2- we are in different countries

3- both of us are married and happily so

had this not been so i would surely have been jolted out of my haze by the tazer touch.and man surely that would have been painful.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

neeleshkulkarni - haha! It is too terrible isn't it? I feel sorry for anyone who is that desparate! I am glad we are happily married too because I don't like any of the dating programs they have now!

Watch out though! Christian Carter may go global:)


Truckstop Sally profile image

Truckstop Sally 5 years ago

Truth is stranger than fiction sometimes. Great ideas for your new program. Ha! I'd be up for tazering a few guys -- but not interested in bringing them home. Ha!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Sally - yeah I'd like to taze a few too! Too bad it isn't legal! I'd start with Christian Carter:)! Haha! I couldn't believe the email so I googled him. I kept thinking it was an elaborate joke. Jokes on me - it's real!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

I searched all over Home Depot for a do-it-yourself taser without luck, RH. Now there's a niche. A site devoted to objects useful for male restraint, suppression and subjection.

We could call it Razors and Tasers. Whatcha think?


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Drbj - perfect! I love that idea! Maybe even offer a class to teach effective - oops taser - skills! Now you have helped me twice in just one small comment! I see I spelled taser wrong I thought i used the darn spell checker)! But now I can change it before everyone sees! Haha! Thank you for that too -I hate typos!

You are a genius and I am so happy for your comments! Now, I'm going to go and fix that.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Voted up, funny and useful. OMG, I am so glad I do not have to date any more. It was fun for a while, but it's like playing the dadgum lottery isn't it? Men are so easy, that's all you need to know. Just pick one out and flatter him, that's really all there is to it.

It's easy to find the right guy, just read my hub on how to judge a man by his car!


Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

You crack me up Pocahontas! this one made me laugh so much I fell off the chair. I have visions of your man tied to the bed getting his arms and legs sawn off!

Fantastic! Voted up up and away!


ClaraN9 profile image

ClaraN9 5 years ago from United Kingdom

Haha this is hilarious!! My dad nearly fell of the chair laughing!!!


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

I have a suggestion. Turn your taser on Christian! Up and funny!


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX

Ha! I'm so old I wouldn't know how to enter the dating scene if I wanted to!

Excellent Hub K.

The Frog


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Hilarious, realhousewife. Cage him and throw away the key. Whatever happened to honesty and being who you are and being loved on that alone? His tactics, which are strictly a money-making scam, are the principals of the reverse caveman, with the woman carrying the bat. I wonder what makes him think that men are such a bargain that anyone would want to have to hit them over the head to ensnare one. Thanks for an eyeopener that has enough kick I may not need that extra cup of joe!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Austinstar - omg! I would not want to date at alll these days. The world sure has changed a lot in 20 years! Good advice too - it really is that easy. Just say what you like for REAL and he will love you forever:)

I read the how to judge a man by his car - it is so funny! Dave drives a truck:)! Lol!

Thanks form the votes:)!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

SW - I have to admit - I was cracking up while I wrote this! I knew everyone would see itmis so ridiculous! Plus having a young girl myself, I was a bit annoyed by how he is using manipulative tactics to get money from lonely women. People actually bought this and some had trouble getting their money back!

I am so glad you didn't actually fall on the floor:)! Lol!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Clara - you are a hoot! Thank you so much for your comments. I know that you are really smart and you would never fall for that stuff from a guy like Christian Carter! Haha! Guys really do like REAL girls - not girls who have been told what to say by another guy!

I think you may have to tell your father to read on the couch! Lol!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Breakfastpop - great idea! Yeah we should bag him and tag him:)! Isn't that what the other hunters do? Lol!

Frog - thank you so much! I also am glad I do not have to look for a date! Jeeze, what next? Dating for dollars? I have all girls too! Good thing the oldest one isn't dumb enough to fall for Christian Carter!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Amy - now that's what I'm talking about! I really think men may actually like a variance between women. Not pre-programmed robots. I mean I bet guys think what he thinks is dumb so why have another woman regurgitate that business? Ha! Well if he comes to St. Louis I'll give you a note and we can track him down and tell him how it is here! Haha!


Harlan Colt profile image

Harlan Colt 5 years ago from the Rocky Mountains

Well the first 2.40 minutes he talks about what he wants to talk about, then the woman comes on and talks about what she is going to talk about...but never does then the guy with the thick glasses comes on, and he actually said something toward the end.

Ok two things in the video I have to gives a thumbs up. First... Ding Dong - whatever his name his, said, Men feed off of a woman's emotions. This is so true - for me anyway. I am trying to read you and analyze you all the time. I want and need to know you are happy and content. If you are not then I want to fix it somehow. I can't always, but I feel the need to. Likewise, my mood is directly affected by your mood and attitude. If you are mad... then its going to put me on edge. If you are happy and gay (meaning light-hearted) then I am going to respond to that.

Second the guy with the glasses said - If you're youthful, sexy and playful - you will keep my attention. Well yes... but I'm not that simple or shallow. I want your anger, your tears, and concerns with all the above as well - preferably the good would outweigh the bad over-all. TO me, that is the perfect woman. I don't care about your face, your make-up, how big your butt is getting - or not... I really don't care that much. I have met women of all shapes and sizes who are drop dead attractive with just their attitude - its not all about looks, not for me.

Chances are, most of us are who we are and going to be. Unless you really have a deep seated desire to change yourself for some reason, everything this video cat said will be forgotten shortly thereafter.

my two cents

nice hub RHW

- Harlan


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Thank goodness for guys like Harlan. I love that name! Anyway, everything he said is true. I have dated lots of guys in my younger days and I found out that the best thing they like is for a girl to be right out front with everything. Not try to play games. The games are fun for a while, but men know it isn't REAL! So like RealH says - "keep it real".


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Harlan - great comments! Thank you. I love that you are so REAL! I mean come on, does a guy want a maid or a mate? I think you have said it perfectly! For me, I don't invest too much into looks alone. I want a guy that is clean, rational and nice with a good sense of humor:) I do not want a guy who says what he thinks I want to hear - I want to know whT he thinks. We used to call it being unique:)! Lol!

Austinstar - I couldn't have said it better. Thanks for thinking of the game playing! It's awful how some people advise people how to do that. Be all cutesy and junk. All the guys I knew could see through that and didn't take those girls seriously. I had a lot of guy friends. They told me that kind of stuff. It was hilarious what some of them would say about the valley talk:) remember that? Lol! Like, whatever!

The whole "what's your price" is real too! Omg! Can you imagine the guy taking the date home to mom and saying, "I picked this one up for 50 bucks mom, what do ya think of her? She's got good child rearin' hips huh, ma? LOL


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Barefoot and pregnant was what my ex wanted in a girl. How pitiful. Needles to say, that didn't go over very well even though I did have one of his kids. What was I thinking?


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I didn't know that you had a child! And I did the same thing too. I was not thinking at all. I was just stupid and infatuated:)! Oh if I could go back- there would be some huge re-DO's!


zoey24 profile image

zoey24 5 years ago from South England

lol i found this sooo funny, voted up :-)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Zoey - thank you so much! My husband and I laughed a lot while I was writing it too!


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

Real, I told you that story in confidence about how I got my husband. You weren't supposed to publish it! Sheesh! Now we now YOU can't keep a secret! :P


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

MO! I didn't use names! Ha!

It sounds barbaric doesn't it? I mean that guy acts like women are so desperate that they have to plan a mental attack! He's gonna help them! Oh but the program is about $239.00 for one set of CD's.

Oh it's not just for the single ladies either Mo, it's for us married ones too. Cuz we need to know how to Keep him as well!

I got a cheaper idea - keep a gun under your pillow:)! Lol!


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

Okay, I have just one thing to say about Christian Carter...what a dweeb. Wonder if he's been caught yet? By a woman, I mean...lol


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Mo - he probably has a harem of women that feed him grapes while he tells them how much they want him! Haha!


neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 5 years ago from new delhi

and maybe he pays thr0ugh his nose for those dates which is why maybe he needs to run this stupid program.lol


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

I have a husband like Harlan, thank God! He wants a real woman, and all of her...it's never been about how he got the best of me and he'll deal with the rest of me - He's wanted it all from the beginning. And in the first six days of our relationship, we laid the ground rules. NO GAMES. Period. So, great point, Austin. This was a hoot, but omg - to think that some a$$ out there is ripping off women who haven't figured out who they are or what they want. That's damn near evil, in my opinion. Hmmmmmph.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Right neeleshkulkarni! lol! He wouldn't want a real job!

@Mo - I knew Dave for a year before our 1st date:) We met at work. It took me a year to decide he wasn't an a-hole. Lol! Omg - and I'm serious! Now there's a hilarious hub:)!


Harlan Colt profile image

Harlan Colt 5 years ago from the Rocky Mountains

HEADLINE IN THIS WEEKS...

"GROCERY Checkout GAZAETTE": Christian Carter Busted as a PHONEY! Paparazzi catch Carter hustling hoes on the corner of 1st and Beal St, Kansas City.

"She had a really nice trunk dude..." said a drunken Carter. "When she said $20 bucks and a drag off my crack pipe, it was a done deal. I just couldn't resist, I know what the ladies want."

Cater's attorney's deny he had any illegal dealings but that the woman in question while having a documented past of prostitution was "turning over a new leaf" and on a legitimate and unprofessional date with Carter.

CLP (Commie-Lib Press)

LOL

- Harlan


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Harlan - LOL! Thanks for the update! Now, I think you should "investigate" and write a hub!


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Well that's just great. I may have to get a divorce now that I don't know how to keep Bob around!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

You should have watched the video Austinstar! Maybe it's not to late. Tell Bob just wait a minute, get with the program By Christian Carter and then you'll be saying everything right!


sean kinn profile image

sean kinn 5 years ago from Key West and Budapest

We need to find a conduit to get your stuff to Saturday Night Live. There must be a way. :-)


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

I tried to watch the video! Made me gag. What a creepozoid.

I'm sorry your daughter had the misfortune to get an email from him.


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

Eewwww, funny and creepy all in the same Kel. So glad you are watching out for your girls. Uh, how much is YOUR kit?


Stu From VT 5 years ago

RH,

The taser and handcuffs scare me. If I sign up at your new site, I'm getting some medieval armor.

BTW, I don't acccept personal checks. Payment must be made in cash or bank notes.

Stoo


Sister Mary profile image

Sister Mary 5 years ago from Isle of Man

RH I used your method and it worked for me!

Thanks for reminding me how I've stayed married for 20 years ... must pass tips on to daughters! I think you'd recognise the husband by his Hubs ... I let him off the gurney once a day to write.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

@Austinstar - I had to suffer through it and it isn't for the sensitive gag reflex type. I actally watched a few so I could get a handle on it all - I had to take Tigan right after!

@Sean kinn - thank you so much! I love that show and I wish I could write for them! What fun!

@Sharyn - my kit is only $9.99 and you can get on my E Z payment plan of 5 installments! Then I wil keep applying charges to your card until you cancel it:)!

Stoo - come on face your fear! Don't be scared - there is probably many ladies there just waiting to tase you so you can be their personal sexy beast:)! Lol.

No green stamps? How about a scooby snack? Haha!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Sister Mary - I am so glad you shared your success story! Lol! I'm glad you let him write once a day but don't give him real stamps or let him get a letter out! Haha!


Tamila Roberts profile image

Tamila Roberts 5 years ago from Canada

That just made my day! thank you


Stu From VT 5 years ago

RH - You are too kind!!! Stu


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Stu - well you are a good looking dog:)! Haha!


Stu From VT 5 years ago

Ruff - Sheepie's blushing!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

Good stuff and funny too! Men only have two thoughts...I wonder if there is any cold beer left and would anyone like some sex? WB


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

And you see?? Wayne was willing to give that advice for FREE and not even charge $239 for it. Pffffft. :)


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Wayne - anyone? Not too choosy are you? I'm guessing you don't really have a favorite brand of beer either, LOL.

I think Ralwus would agree with you.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh lard! I started giggling with Stu's comment - by the time I got down to Austinstar's comment I was laughing like loon!

WB - as long as you get your own beer and don't sleep with the wrong woman - I think you're gonna be okay.

MO - you're absolutely right! Thanks for adding that - everyone can learn how to snatch a guy for a cheap six pack! Lol!

Austinstar - LOL! Now I'm wondering what beer WB prefers - Coors? Pabst Blue Ribbon? I used to have a guy that fix anything on my car for beer! I once paid him a 12 pack to put new break pads on. Great deal! We called that guy applesauce. Give him an apple and some sauce and he'd do anything for you!


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Funny - I think that is how I got my husband!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

BBG - somehow I just don't believe that! I would believe he got YOU that way!


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

True, Real. And, if you pop for a GOOD six pack, you get a better quality of guy...lol :P


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

At least while you have the beer goggles on! They can look so much more like your favorite movie star:)! Lol


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

HAHA! That means you need TWO six packs, then. One for you, one for him. That's easy enough to be done.


Website Examiner 5 years ago

I thought you said you don't write fiction. If this isn't fiction, you shouldn't find it hard to come up with some. Anyway, this is an innovative piece that should inspire some people to try novel approaches to solving stubborn problems.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

I could solve all my problems with my boss this way! Thanks, WE


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Website Examiner - hey thanks so much for reading and commenting! Ha! This was super fun - especially because of the hilarious comments:)!

Austinstar - that's what's up!


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Ha ha - actually he told me that he feel in love with me at Denney's when I ordered a Banana Split... Hold da nuts! LOL

I guess he couldn't stop laughing! LOL


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey whatever works right? I boldly walked up to Dave and told him to dump his girlfriend - she just wasn't right for him, ya know? I told him to let me know when the dirty little deed had been done because I wanted to date him now.

Haha! It worked! Chuckle chuckle!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

How'd I miss this! Oh. I was going off on the pakistan guy.. well anyway THIS IS HYSTERICAL! I love the "watch Misery for maximum effectiveness" LOL! Funny! Well, I've not seen the video yet, but will in a sec. This is my tactic and it's worked for 30 years. I made my bf fall totally in love with me. Then I turn into the B* from h.e.double hockey sticks! So, yesterday he calls me, we have a brief argument on WHY I DON'T WASH OFF MY LAPTOP UNDER WATER because I spilled soda on it. Um, well since you won't learn how to TYPE, and I've been to college for computer, HEY HOW ABOUT TRUSTING THAT I KNOW YOU DON'T SUBMERGE ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENT UNDER WATER???? Ya think that concept might apply? I finally said, fine, when you get down here and I let you drop my old laptop in the bathtub, and you no longer have one, and I WON'T LET YOU USE MINE, then it cost you $1,500. to replace my old one that could have had a $30. replacement board, MAYBE YOU'LL SEE MY POINT. As soon as he said "listen, take the key's off" I said, I have to go. LOL he shut up and changed the subject by saying "You are always so stubborn".. I said after 30 years, GO WITH IT THEN. I'm not changing! HELLOOO?? lol. He said he'll stick to painting, I stick to computers. "AH, FINALLY YOU'RE GETTING IT, I WILL NOT TASER YOU, *YET" lol.

I like your thing with Dave "Dump her, I'M HERE" philosophy! Of course pretty much however I want things to go, he's going to do it or I won't speak to him and he HATES that! Tries pulling the "boo hoo is me" crap! Uh, no, that might of worked years ago, now.. um, no.

Oh, I liked your answer to my question thing, did ya see BBG's? LOL "because I CAN HAHAHAHAHA" LOL! Then the jerk who hates me (and voted my hubs down) he posts "Oh, it's the ego maniac striking again." I wish we could post back because I want to say IF YOU WEREN'T SO DUMB, YOU'D LOOK UP AND SEE THAT QUESTION WAS DIRECTED TO ONE PERSON! A NAMELESS, FACELESS PERSON WITH NO FOLLOWERS, NO HUBS BUT FOLLOWS "ME" THAT'S IT.. I think I had every right to ask that question! So I have the mystery stalker.. I really want a taser LOL! Now him.. me and Misery Queen would have some good common fun! lol! Thanks for the idea's btw LOL! Now.. off to watch the goon who I'll probably go off on! LOL! (I seriously think Scott loves me because I'm a sarcastic snob who is ALWAYS RIGHT) LOL!!! hahaaaaaaaaaaaa heheh.. :)


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

After video comment: Nobody can make someone who is NOT attracted to someone if they are not! If the guy falls out of love with you, he never loved you to begin with. It's obvious that true love last forever because, the man who loved me when I was 20, loves me at 50, and spends WAY more of his time on drawing me, painting me, writing to me, and calling me back after I hang up on him to say "I thought about it and you were right, I did buy you a watch the first birthday we were together".. and I say I TOLD YA SO WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO WITH IT IN THE FIRST PLACE! lol, then he gives the boo hoo attitude, and I apologize for yelling at him, and we start from square 1... again.. and again... and again. :) lol.

Even when I wouldn't speak to him for a few years,.. "i was going to move on".. he never could. He still says, no matter how mean or stubborn you are, I'll always love you, you're my everything. Then I tell him to cut the crap, and we're back to happy again. lol. Once he was going to just LEAVE ME! He left and went to his dad's in Florida. Then called me. I was like "YOU'RE WHERE?.. NO NO NO, COME HOME NOW" then I start crying. He didn't even bother to catch a train, he HITCHIKED home and left his friend there who could have drove! LOL. For some reason this crazy man falls prey to my tears, and my fears and will still, always be there to catch me if I fall. I dunno, true love don't come on video! It just finds you.. like my hub said. And it will keep looking until it finds you. (kinda like the final destination series, you can't cheat death.. you can't cheat love, cos it's going to find you) :) Great hub RH! No wonder your a superhero.. totally stealing a man.. you didn't.. he already was attracted or you couldn't of done it, he already wanted you. You just had to make it clear to him, cos men are dumb like that. :) lol


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Kat - you are hilarious! But right - Carter is a loser. The only time I ever found a decent guy is when I wasn't looking for him. Meeting a guy is not like studying for a test and taking notes. The guy is just peddling common sense. You could learn manners and it is the same tactic:)

Haha - yes after I knew Dave for 1 year, I decided I really did like him. His girlfriend wasn't his type! She wasn't smart enough for him. My kids think that it's hilarious that I made him break up with his GF:)!

Your too much Kat - that's why you are a super hero:)! too funny!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Funny you say that because I broke up with a guy cos he wasn't smart enough FOR ME lol (egooo??) and when I'm talking to my friend comparing the two, I'm like "I can SOO never get this past Scott cos he's too smart." lol

Actually it scares me sometimes, because he might be late on things like how a computer works, but he's by far more street smart (well we both are because we're from Detroit lol) and more like me than anybody I've ever known.

I don't know if I'm going to let him have any Super hero-ness cos it'd go straight to his big head LOL


Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

Very funny stuff....and a great response you have gotten....voted funny...keep up the great work


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi and thanks a lot Cogerson! This was a fun one:)!


d.william profile image

d.william 5 years ago from Somewhere in the south

I loved this article. Very funny. Also liked all the comments. Good job. I am looking forward to reading more of you stuff. dw


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

D.William - thank you very much! This was a really fun look at how some things have changed! I could hardly believe it myself when I found the first two dating scams! I figured I could make up my own too! Lol!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana

Excellent. I had 3 marriage proposals in the 12 months I was single after my divorce. I didn't realize there was a "strategy". Wow! To think I could have been getting PAID to turn guys down!!

This is funny, funny stuff.... and a little sad. Being single seems so much more complicated than it was 15 years ago!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Sue! I've missed you!

Too bad you didn't know those guys were supposed to pay you! You would be rich by now! Haha!

I am so glad I'm not part of that rat race. It is really sad - but it doesn't have to be! Just ignore the new dating ideas and resort to the old ways of meeting a guy and falling in love - at first sight - across a crowded smoky room! Haha!


Chuck RitenouR profile image

Chuck RitenouR 5 years ago from Front Royal, Virginia

I've always heard "if you want to keep the bird, leave the cage door open". The world is full of lonely people and full of those willing to advantage of that loneliness..great hub...voted it up.

Chuck


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Ha! Smart Chuck! I love that saying and am going to use it on my girls! It really is so true! Thanks for adding that nugget and for the votes too!


gr82bme profile image

gr82bme 5 years ago from USA

Loved this. You are so funny. I am looking forward to reading more of your hubs.

I do not want to feed, bathe or clothe him. Then he will want it all the time!

Oh, by the way, what were the foam blocks for?

Misery was one of my favs

Tina

voted up and the other thingies too


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Tina - thanks! For the visit and the votes:) oh foam blocks are for sound proofing! I meant to explain that better! you wouldn't want the neighbors to hear his screams for help! Ha!

I loved Misery and Kathy Bates in general. She is great!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Did ya read the book before ya seen the movie? omg.. creepy! I love Kathy Bates too, she's super great! OH, if you've not seen her in Relative Strangers.. omg HYSTERICAL... not for my movie hub tho.. but she's married to Danny DiVito.. imagine that! :) hehe.. they put marriage in perspective. :) (only different lol)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Kat - I did read the book first - but I have to say - Kathy Bates brought it alive! The, ah hem - sound effects were so relistic! I hate that!

Did you note my comment on barbergirl28 hub somewhere that I watched Zombieland? Lol! Too funny!


dablufox profile image

dablufox 5 years ago from Australia

Maybe I'm a little o'l fashioned but isn't this all a little extreme.

Very funny, dating can be a minefield these days. If I was a parent with a daughter starting to date I'm pretty sure I would turn to the bottle.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

No you aren't old fshioned dablufox - this is all extreme and the only reason I could easily turn it into a hub - it's ridiculous!

I would drink with you too! LOL

Thanks so much for the read and fun comments!


Jrandol62 profile image

Jrandol62 5 years ago from Where ever the road takes me....

Dearest housewife....LOL I'd knock this guy out if I had the chance. What a scam this nutjob is....I have a mallet, regular hammer, sledgehammer, and what ever else you may need to put him out of my misery...LOL Thanks for the good read, I wish you the best and also your 22 year old daughter! It's tough dating at my age, set in my ways, but treat ladies as ladies always....Take care friend!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Jrandol62 - thank you so much for your hilarious comments! Yes - I couldn't believe it was true! What a sicko - to take advantage of people who are so needy of love. Shame - he must be some kind of sociopath!

I'll remember who's got the hammer next time I run into one of these guys;)!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Ya know, my first thought was WHO in their right mind would name their kid Misery? LOL.. It kinda left him open for someone to get back at him for putting a poor fictional kid through that j/k lol!! But yeah the book :::CRING:::: owww...

@Jrand: Ya know, I personally think he could of done other things to free himself.. when he was writing and at the chair, he could of still hit her more times with the type writer! and saved his fingers, and WHY piss her off more by killing off her best loved person.. DUH.. "let's not piss off females named Kathy" it says that in a NUTshell hehehe LOL


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

There is NO comment box on Dave!! Whhuuuuu? Oh man I SOOO didn't even get the chance to say "is that a blonde jab" LOL!!! "Break up with her you're on a time limit" LOL!!! Now Since I'm not married (yet) what do I get to be in on? How I captured my ex? It was more like he wouldn't leave me alone LOL and he beat up my boyfriend LOL who Im back together with! hahahaaaa


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh I'll fix that! Thanks! I totally didn't notice!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Ah. lol I thought you were teasing anyone with a come back I mean I have so many questions!!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Bombs away:)! Haha,!


Jeff 5 years ago

Ladies, I hope every one of you finds a good man....If I see this nutjob, I'll do everyone a favor (Insert ANY hammer here)...LOL Oh, what's that dude?...Did that hurt?...It's ONLY a flesh wound you putz!! LOL Tipping my hat to you ladies...and he rides off in the sunset, on a horse of course.... ;-)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Jeff - it sounds like you are the real deal and my kind of guy! Thank you so much for your awesome contribution here - lmao! Hammer time!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

LOL hammertime!! I don't have the right clothes for that! But yes, Jeff that was nice of you! I have my man safe n' sound right where he belongs I'm like RH in a way, I captured him and caged him. :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

So what Kat - you're a good cook and he probably likes it! I mean look how you treat the dog! LOL


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

OH the dog comes before anyone LOL (i'm not kidding lol)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I know! Lol!


Jeff 5 years ago

HAHAHA.....Poor guys, caged up. Kath, does he get to come out sometimes or do you slide his plate through the slot? LMAO!! Real HW, backatcha!! Hammertime!, need the baggy pants, and the weave though. (Moving across floor like MC) Bahahaha! OOPS, just tripped over my pants....That's gonna leave a mark! LOL LMAO Ladies!! Goodnight fair maidens! ;)


Jeff 5 years ago

RHW....Read my blog on here if you want an interesting story...I add to it weekly, or will follow it up with another one...Just started on here....Have an AWESOME weekend! Give your hubby a high five and tell him he did well...VERY well!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Jeff - you could skip the weave and go for a do-rag:)! Lol! Don't fall down - you won't be able to read our hubs if you are unconscious!

I will tell him thank you so so much! I think some days I am a handful for him!


Jrandol62 profile image

Jrandol62 5 years ago from Where ever the road takes me....

Help! I've fallen and I can't reach my friggin HAMMER!!! Not enough fro for a weave anymore by the way....LOL Hence the hat...hehe Get along little filly....LOL ;)


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

OH Jeff if I only could say on here, but I won't.. you have no idea how close to home you hit with the slot statement. You're welcome to read my latest hub if you want and maybe you can figure it out ;)


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

OH I keep a blog to if it's on blogger you can monetize them to adsense


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

@Jeff - I'm interested in reading your blog - bit can you give me a link? Thanks!

@Jrandol62 - haha! Is that J for Jeff?


Jrandol62 profile image

Jrandol62 5 years ago from Where ever the road takes me....

Let me see if I can get the link...You should be able to click on my user name by my photo and go there...Shouldn't you? That's what I did to get to yours....And yes, I'm sure you could be a handful to him....I'll leave it to that. Sorry, but I need a cig friend, and I don't EVEN smoke!..MerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrCY! ;)


Jrandol62 profile image

Jrandol62 5 years ago from Where ever the road takes me....

Ummm....yes, the "J" would be for Jeff, not jerk, jacka**, jerk***, jerimiah johnson, jellybeans, etc...Just Jeff! LOL

To Kath, your long comment above had me crying! Laughing so hard, tears came to my eyes, too funny! Now I see why your hubby, or BF is caged...Too dangerous to let him in public I see...Duh! Imerse computer in tub, blow nads off!! LOL


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

lol I need one too J


Jrandol62 profile image

Jrandol62 5 years ago from Where ever the road takes me....

Click my name and it will take you to my hubpage...Is someone tazing you ladies?!! Is Christian standing behind you with a tazer gun?! Where's my hammer?!! LOL Gotta hit the hat ladies, oops...hay....haha! Sweet dreams to you!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Kat is hilarious and she has her own way of using symbols alone to make you bust a gut:) yes - check his hub out Kat - you'll love it!


Jrandol62 5 years ago

Thanks RHW! Too kind! Yeah Kat, check it out! hehe


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I did love it Jeff!


Jrandol62 profile image

Jrandol62 5 years ago from Where ever the road takes me....

Keep eye out for more coming soon to a local hub near you!! LOL ;)

For everyone...I hope Chaz (Chastity) Bono catches the idiot in the video, and gives him what he deserves....LOL


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

....well at the age of 53 I have never been captured or caged - yet - lol - maybe I am just an untamed beast although I'm certainly not a confirmed bachelor by any means - just looking for a rich smart funny independent woman - is that too much to ask? lol

As always you hit the proverbial nail on the head with your wit, your style, your irony and your nerve and verve - you've got it all as a successful writer - and I like it - a lot !!!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Epi - well with the divorce rate as it is - you are probably richer and happier to have not been caged yet:)!! Lol

Thank you so much for your awesome comments!


mythicalstorm273 profile image

mythicalstorm273 5 years ago

This was hilarious!! I loved how you put an obvious scam into such a great piece of writing!! This reminds me of one of those jokes you tell and somehow manage to keep a straight face while totally laughing your butt off inside your head. Great and joyful hub!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Myth - thank you! That was a fun one to write - I mean what a jerk, huh? Lol I was laughing the whole time I was writing it - mainly thinking - wait until barber girl sees this one! Haha!


mythicalstorm273 profile image

mythicalstorm273 5 years ago

Haha... Yes this one probably really caught her eye :-)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Yep! And I swear sometimes that is one of the most fun things about hub - knowing one of the other hubbers is going to laugh with you;)


mythicalstorm273 profile image

mythicalstorm273 5 years ago

Too bad I'm not really a funny writer, I guess I won't ever really enjoy that :-( Oh well... I enjoy my topics anyways :-)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I think you should just write whatever interests you. That's why it's good - because you write about what you love. I couldn't write an interesting hub about history - in fact so good you won a hub nugget!! How sweet was that? I got a vicarious thrill out of it:) so keep writing smart stuff - I'll write the dumb stuff. LOL (just kidding:)


Hear Me profile image

Hear Me 5 years ago from Somewhere in Florida

I am glad he wasn't around when I was single.. but the handcuffs may still have some potential! Great read!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hear me - (hey I love that name btw:) I am so glad I am not dating now either! Isn't he pathetic? Some people will do anything for money! And since when do we need dating coaches? I think a few pointers might be good but a program? Yes I hope no one spends a dime on his scam.

Hand cuffs - are very useful! Maybe we need to use them on Christian Carter! Lol. Thanks so much for the comment!


Yaduvanshi profile image

Yaduvanshi 4 years ago from Bharat Vrse

Does it really work that way


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Yaduvanshi - I did kind of blow it out of proportion but I'm sad to say Christian Carter is real and in business last time I checked and "name your price" is a real site too! I can hardly believe ti myself:).


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 4 years ago from USA or America

Hey Kelly, you know the really sad part is people will take him up on his offer and be gullible enough to use his advice. I mean it's sad that someone like this would put himself out there as an expert in what men think? And, especially using "psychology" as a lure to draw in those who are desperate. Someone should put him in a cage and lock the door, and throw away the key. People like him are dangerous. Not to mention, can be a menace. LOL! However, on your article- TOO FUNNY! Voted up! :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Cagsil - I know! It really makes me sick! I tried to research this guy - he uses two names by the way. he has had many complaints about his scam and I truly believe he is taking advantage of people who are just looking for love in all the wrong places. I've seen women that will testify to this guys achievements and it's all bull. You are exactly right - people fall for his b.s. He doesn't even have a degree as far as I can tell....when I watched the video - it's creepy how they say stuff like he uses his profound knowledge of human behavior and psychology! Translation = he's in to himself and knows how to manipulate chicks! Lol

Thanks for the votes! This was a fun one!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

I laughed so hard reading this. This is awesome advice - your advice, I mean... not that lame Christian guy. All this time I have been going about things the wrong way. I have been single too long. Now, I just need to get my hands on a taser...


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 4 years ago from Close to Heaven

Great hub! Hilarious.


Jrandol62 profile image

Jrandol62 4 years ago from Where ever the road takes me....

Hey all....Glad they caught this nut job finally!! My hammer is still ready and waiting to blast him though. You ladies crack me up though. To the poor caught and caged guys out there....Run Forrest Run!!! Bahahahaha! I'm caught now, but she leaves the cage door open so I can go when I want. I know I got it good, so she has nothing to worry about. Would die for my sweet baby. Served in USAF back in the 90's and just found her again on FB. Things happen for a reason for sure. She IS the one...I ain't scared!! I'll walk through fire for this one....any day of the week! Well, Saturday I have plans so hopefully she won't be needing me that day...hehe :) Hope 2012 is great for everyone here!!! God Bless!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Haha! Hi Jeannie - can you believe that dweeb? Lol. And I have to mention that he's so full of it - when I was watching the video - it looks like they are ready to burst out laughing at themselves! Lol.

Right - just get a taser and any guy in the world can be yours! Ha! Thanks so much!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Caroline - thank you so much! I really could not believe this guy! I couldn't miss the chance to exploit such a creepy guy:) lol


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Jeff - im so glad you found your gal again on FB! That is so cool! And I'm more glad you have the hammer still - you just never know when another dude like this might need the smack down:) haha!

Hey best wishes to you for 2012!


Jrandol62 profile image

Jrandol62 4 years ago from Where ever the road takes me....

LOL...There's many that need the SMACK DOWN, and just as many women too...LOL I'm looking forward to 2012 and what it offers...Lord willing, it'll be a good one!! Later friend!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

No kidding...I always look at a new year with one eyebrow up! What history making monents do we have to come for the books this year???? lol


Jrandol62 profile image

Jrandol62 4 years ago from Where ever the road takes me....

Well, Lord willing....Myself, and my awesome son will be celebrating our birthdays (Sept.) together as we cage dive with Great Whites down in Guadeloupe Mexico!! He'll be 26 and I'll be the BIG 50!! I'm looking forward to being with him and sharing that experience with him....Just to be THAT close to those beautiful creatures is an honor!! It's ALL in God's hands, so it's ALL good!! Make it a great year friend!!! :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Jeff - that sounds SO cool! Wish I could be there! Pretty cool when the kids grow up and can enjoy doing those kind of adult things isn't it? lol My 23 year old moved out a few months ago...so weird...she called and asked me if I wanted to go play Bingo with her...LOL It is so weird because she would never have asked me that before...I saw her everyday. Now I see her trying to carve time out of her schedule so she can be sure to spend some with me....what a great kid!

Sounds like you have a lot to be happy about - I hope 2012 is even greater than this year for you!!


Jrandol62 profile image

Jrandol62 4 years ago from Where ever the road takes me....

Yea, kids are too big for you when they are growing up. Can't be seen with my parent, that's not cool type stuff, but once they're out on their own.....they see that they had it good, and miss mom and dad. My son is cool, and I'm blessed that he loves me like he does. I was strict with him when he was younger, but I didn't want him to get in trouble when he was in school. He has made me proud many times over since joining the service and serving our country. Now he's married to his HS sweetie,with a two year old...pretty cool, and I love being a grand dad to the sweet little girl as well. Make time to play Bingo with your daughter, it'll be a memory you'll cherish!! When you win, yell BINGO out loudly though, ticks off the blue hairs...LOL :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

HA HA! That is funny (I mean ticking of the blue hairs)! I bet it would! lol I told her to let me know if she still wants to after work. I was kind of strict too - and I don't regret that at all! Now she says, she doesn't either even though we fought so much! Now isn't that music to my ears...my hunch paid off! Laaaaa! haha! You must thank you son for serving our country, please!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

Well strap me down and call me happy! LOL I love your sense of humor, Kelly! This cracked me up. Thank God I don't have to date any longer...Bev captured me and I no longer have to play the silly games that people play nowadays. Loved this hub my friend. An oldie but a goodie.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I forgot all about this one Bill! Lol.

I see this stuff and wonder if people have gone mad! Seriously, we need Christian Carter or dial a date now days? I'm so glad I'm not on the meat market too:)

Thank you!!


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Hi Real Housewife. You're so right! The dating scene gets harder and harder especially when there are so many men out there who don't want to settle down. I'm actually subscribed to Christian Carter's site. The relationship expert advice that he gives is great, but I no longer read it since I'm the love doctor. lol Great hub!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Love doctor - you can be much more influential than that ole Christian Carter! He just sounds like a joke....and for someone who claims to be an expert about feelings? Come on! Where are the credentials? I wanna see the letters! Lol

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