Cheating: Exercise your right to be informed or simply move on?

Are you going to believe me? or Your lying eyes?

Not long ago I found myself watching a daytime episode of the TV show “Cheaters”. For those of you who have never heard of the show and are unaware of what it is about: essentially it involves people who suspect their significant other or spouse is cheating on them. They contact the producers at “Cheaters” who dispatch detectives to follow their mates and in some instances set up cameras in the home if the couple lives together. Each segment concludes with a confrontation between the betrayed person, their cheating mate, and the person they are cheating with. Why do they call?

Alarming Behavior

The reason why one suspects their mate is cheating is because of a sudden change in their behavior which they do not like. Unless you are paranoid by nature odds are you are probably right if you suspect your mate is cheating. Even if it turned out that you were “wrong” and the (behavior) you disliked remained it’s doubtful that you would jump for joy!

Justification

Oftentimes people (need) their mate to cheat or abuse them in some way to give themselves permission to leave an unhappy marriage or relationship. In their eyes simply being “unhappy” is not a "justifiable" reason to leave. If you are miserable in a marriage it doesn’t really matter whether if it turns out your mate is cheating. Having said that one has to really know whether or not they consider cheating to be a “deal breaker”. You cannot (control) what another person does. Therefore if you have no intention of leaving what is the point of investing your time and financial resources to confirm what you suspect in your heart?

Vindication or Jedi Mind Trick

For most people it’s (ego) gratification. They want to see the look on their mate’s face when they show them how smart they were to figure out what was going on. They want to see them squirm and offer up reasons/excuses or beg for forgiveness. None of which are guaranteed results. It’s not uncommon for the cheater to use their discovery as an opportunity to finally end the marriage or relationship.

In this particular episode of “Cheaters” when the man confronted his cheating girlfriend she said: “I had to do it in order to make sure that you were the one for me! I now know that you are the only one that I want.” I have to admit I never heard that one before! Needless to say her boyfriend told her she needed to get her things out of his house. She then responded by saying, “I’m not going anywhere and neither are you! We are going to find a way to work this out and move on with our lives.”

In conclusion the boyfriend decided to give her another chance. Wow! That Jedi mind trick stuff really works!

Blame Game

Another episode of “Cheaters” immediately followed the previous one. This time around it was the guy who got caught cheating. He reacted angrily to his girlfriend for exposing him in front of television cameras. He seemed to being saying it was her fault that he cheated because she is hardly home and is “insecure”. She began to cry, scream, and curse as he continued to walk off with his newfound mate. He told her she brought all of this on herself. It was as if he were saying, “If you trusted me you wouldn’t have busted me.”

Time Out

Some people offer their cheating mates “instant forgiveness” because the thought of being betrayed and going through a divorce or breakup are too much for them to deal with. Very often these people offer forgiveness without their mate asking for it or truly demonstrating sincere contrition.

Overtime many betrayed people discover they really can’t forgive or let go of the pain no matter how much their mate attempts to make amends. Some of them end up having an affair of their own or ultimately decide to walk away. Ironically it is now the “reformed cheater” who feels betrayed and lied to. That’s why it’s so important to take a “time out” to decide if you really can forgive your spouse or mate cheating.

Investigate or Evacuate

As a relationship partner you have a right to know whether or not your significant other is cheating on you especially in these days of lethal STDS such as AIDS. The two options are; seek confirmation of a betrayal or simply trust your instincts and move on: If something doesn’t feel right to you it’s probably not right for you. Would you spy on your mate? Would you hire a detective or the TV show “Cheaters”?

Perhaps the bigger question to ask oneself is: Why would you want someone around whom you did not trust?

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Comments 14 comments

Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 3 years ago from Oklahoma

I hadn't heard of that show. I don't have cable and don't watch day time television.

You have to realize that reality shows are staged and even though their name implies "reality" they are in fact made up so just because people look like regular folks they are paid actors.

People cheat for many different reasons, some are just not monogamous material and nothing you do can change that. They aren't worth wasting time on unless you are only looking for a short term arrangement.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

Pamela, Thanks for your comment. Generally speaking I agree with you about reality shows being semi scripted. However this show is sometimes violent and the pain exposed by those who are cheated on is very raw. Having done a little acting myself eons ago if these people are actors they definitely aren't following any craft techniques! LOL!

The primary reason why a person cheats is to hold onto all that is good in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side.


SandCastles 3 years ago

I saw an episode of the cheaters show and I didn't like it at all. Even if the person was cheating, why would a person want to advertise one's private business like that? A person could hire a private investigator but why get the media involved? It seems that these people want attention. Why else would they do it? It sounds like Jerry Springerish.

I don't like it when people lose it on camera; it is for show. Maybe it isn't acting but I'm sure many are hamming it up for the camera. Watch Carol Burnett's skit, "The Kidnapping" on youtube; it illustrates my point about someone overdoing it (overacting) for the camera.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

SandCastles , You make an excellent point. I too don't believe it's "actors". However I do know you have to sign a release form on these shows to have them show your face. I suspect one of the reasons people choose this show to bust their cheating mate is because it's (free) to have the investigation done as long as they agree to have it air on TV. Most of the people who appear on the show also seem to be very low income earners.


SandCastles 3 years ago

Some people probably do just want to know the truth and I feel for them. They know something is wrong but can't prove it and they can't afford to hire a detective. They have to be pretty desperate to air their problems on television though. It means they are so miserable they don't care anymore. I think others simply want to be seen. They want their five minutes of glory and those are the people who don't really care about their partner in the first place.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

SandCastles , I agree with you on both fronts. Some really can't rest without having "concrete proof" there mate is cheating while others like you stated want their few minutes of glory or "fame". Thanks again for your comments as this hub is not "featured" due to low quality standards. lol!


d.william profile image

d.william 3 years ago from Somewhere in the south

Great article. I don't watch this particular t.v. show anymore, as i find it hard to believe that these situations are really true, or made up for t.v. sensationalism. If they are in fact true, i think that those who want to air their dirty laundry on public t.v. need some kind of counseling.

But most of all, i believe this is done strictly for the profit of being on such a silly program, and these situations by the participants are staged for the show.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

d.william, Thanks for stopping to read my hub and post a comment. Some of the stuff seems so over the top that it has to be true! LOL! Not many writing professionals could come up with many of the off the wall scenarios. However like you stated it's not as those "Cheaters" is out to (help) these people. They're doing it to make a profit off of their pain.

Some people want to embarrass the person who cheated on them. Needless to say they themselves don't come off looking much better when they fly into a rage yelling, cursing, throwing things, keying cars, going after "the other man/woman" who may not have known the cheater was "spoken for".


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Cheating off course causes many issues in relationships and not forgetting STDs from one partner to the next, you have shared an interesting insight to this show I haven't watched it and is not a kind of show I would pay attention to, thanks for sharing such opinions here.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

DDE, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. I suppose the real question is: Is it worth it to invest time and money even if a television show footing the bill to confirm one's suspicions that their mate is cheating? I suspect people are (rarely) wrong when they believe in their heart that their mate/spouse is cheating.


loveofnight profile image

loveofnight 3 years ago from Baltimore, Maryland

I actually enjoy watching this show, I don't know if I would go as far as other that I see but it is a learning experience.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

loveofnight, Thanks for your comment. Like you, I probably would not go as far as to hire a detective even if the services were "free" with permission that I allowed it to be showed on national television. Odds are if someone has gotten to the point of considering hiring a detective they have gone beyond the point of not trusting their mate. They're looking for proof.


Foodeee profile image

Foodeee 2 years ago from Pennsylvania

I have seen this show Cheaters and now when I think about it I cringe. For whatever reason I get very embarrased for everyone involved. I can't stand to watch things like Maury or Cops or shows that brings TOO much light to peoples personal lives. My feeling is that either these people feel the opposite as I do or they don't have the money or other resources to get to the conclusions they are looking for on their own. It may make for good television but not in my opinion. Your hub is appreciated.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

Foodeee , Thanks for taking the time to read and post a comment on my hub. I also suspect some people just want to be on television even if it means airing out their dirty laundry. They're all seeking their 15 minutes of fame.

Otherwise I for one do not know how Maury continues to find guests . As a man if me and my wife just had a child and then she suggested we go on the Maury Povich show because she has a "secret" to tell me.....You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that she is going to say to the world that the child might not be mine! :-)

The only reason for me to go on the show would be because I wanted to be on TV. One man's opinion! :-)

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