Cheating: My Rant on the Victimization of Cheaters
Being Cheated On
I haven't been given permission by others involved to publish my own story but I still would like to write something for those who have been cheated on, particularly women. When I was cheated on, I had no one there for support. My family and friends had long ago decided to walk away instead of giving me comfort because they didn't like the man I had fallen in love with. They're actions revolved around a sort of "I told you so" attitude that they all still share, since I am still, amazingly, with this same man.
This is why, with no one in the real world to turn to, I turned to the internet for information and guidance when the cheating occurred. It is also why, now things are said, done, and resolved, I am willing to address the issues that I found in these articles, which do more harm than good since they are in no way informative or realistic.
Surprisingly, through all my searches, what I mostly came across were articles by men saying that men had the right to cheat because they're more susceptible to temptation since they are more easily aroused than women. I read that women were to blame for men's cheating habits because they are the temptation, whether they do so purposely or not, and that wearing short skirts or low top shirts will always make a man forget that wife or girlfriend sitting at home waiting. They claimed it was all natural and that the female victim should just wake up to reality.
This article is for those who see through the bullsh*t and want some real advice.
Cheating, more than anything else, is a selfish act. No matter how a cheater spins it, that's the way it is and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. They will never admit it, but when they see that low cut blouse and that hiked up dress, they don't forget you, they just push their memories of you aside, using that old "men are designed to be polygamous while women are monogamous" argument to further their cause. It sounds relatively scientific so they think they can sneak it by you and you'll just bow your head and accept it.
Remember that women cheat too. It seems that most people forget that but in my experience through my network of friends and family, I know just as many women as men who have cheated or still do. If the science of these cheaters is true, then why are these women also cheating with their men loyally waiting for them at home?
There are plenty of men out there who are just as monogamous as these articles claim women to be. They just don't get as recognized because it's only the cheaters that are interesting to read about, not the loyal Romeos. Please, ladies, don't forget those good men out there. They deserve as much recognition as the loyal wives and girlfriends.
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Excuses for Cheating
Another argument furthered in the internet is that the cheater does what he/she does because there were problems in the relationship. These problems include not enough or infrequent sex or boredom. When I see this, I wonder why the person writing this article believes that this is a justification for cheating. On the one hand the cheater, recognized as only ever being male, is defended as one who follows their natural instincts to spread their seed and sleep with women who are all temptations. At the same time, they are also given this excuse that they weren't given enough by their wife/girlfriend so they had to get it somewhere else.
Personally, I gave every second of my time and gave up all my friends, family, and reputation for my boyfriend and he still tried to use this excuse with me, only to take it back and admit the real cause much later. It's easy to blame the person that was cheated on for their mistakes instead of taking it upon themselves. What they prove through their act of infidelity is that there was something wrong with them not you. Obviously, if there wasn't something wrong with them, they would've addressed the issue or just broke up with you but they decided to be sneaky and malicious instead. Not your fault they chose a nonsensical, roundabout way out.
If a man is all these other stereotypical, shallow things those articles say about them being more prone to polygamy and all that, why can't Mr. Cheater stand up like a man and tell me like a man that there's something wrong? That things need to be fixed or they need to end right now? How does going out and sleeping around fix anything? That's why this excuse doesn't work, even following the magic scientific excuses they come up with. Also why you shouldn't listen to them and let them bring you down.
So, if you follow the majority of articles I am referring to, you, as the one cheated on, need to learn your place as woman and realize that you will always be loyal and follow him while he will always follow his penis and chase other women. Also, it's your fault for being too boring and not having enough sex with him. You should have been able to read his mind when he started to stay out more often and not talk to you. Shame on you.
That's only partly sarcastic because that's really the nutshell version of what I read and why I turned off my computer and dealt with it my own way instead. If cheating is a solution for a natural instinct and a remedy for issues in a relationship, shoot me now or let me turn lesbian because those are the most ridiculous excuses even though I see them everywhere.
If you are one who is prone to cheating, let your partner know so that he/she can get out while they still have a chance and don't get too deep. If it's natural, then there's no reason to lie and if you end up alone and with an STD sitting in a dark corner one day of some dark and desolate place because you can't afford a nice one with all the child support then that's your fault for following your urges, never resisting temptation, and never communicating with your partner about what's wrong in the relationship, since it's natural and all.
If there are problems in the relationship and you can't say it to your partner's face then deal with it. If you can't deal with it, then get out. If you can't get out because you love this person so much then suck it up and resolve it instead of going out to some other woman because that's just a roundabout way to destroy it all and completely goes against the idea that you actually love her.
For those who have been cheated on, there is no excuse. You can either choose to forgive (never forget) or to just leave. Sometimes leaving is the best because then the person can know what is most important to them. If it's you, they will come back, know what the relationship is all about (monogamy) and be better than they were before. If not, you'll find someone much more awesome. Articles may say every man is a cheater but I know that not every one is so there is always hope.
© 2012 LisaKoski
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