College Horror

College Days
College Days
Black Clouds of Fear
Black Clouds of Fear

I awoke every hour on the hour. I thrashed in my bed. How could I get that vision or incident out of my consciousness? I looked at the picture of Jesus on my bedroom wall. I could only see the outline of the picture, but it still gave me peace. It was three o'clock in the morning and pitch black outside. I shook in my bed re- living the memories from the night before. How could that of happened to me? Those kind of things only happen to other people. I felt scared and confused. I felt so ashamed. What did I do to cause this?

My twin sister and I were getting ready in our bathroom, putting on our makeup as Patty walked in and said, " I just found out our favorite band is playing tonight at the Marion Pub." This band was so popular at the time and any college was lucky to have them play. Night Ranger at Stout, how much fun would this be? We all giggled and talked about how the night would play out. We would Eat at the student union, and continue on to the Marion for some great live music. I could not wait to hear my favorite song called, " Sister Christian." The phone rang loudly in the living room and Linda said " Laura telephone, it's Patty." I picked up the phone and listened as Patty had our plans all laid out for the night. She said her and a group of her friends were going uptown to listen to the band.

As we all talked and listened to the great music, I remember feeling gratitude for the college experience. This was such a great time for me and life was my oyster. Here I was, at Stout University, studying psychology, working part time and loving it. A real bonus was living off campus with my twin sister and some other good friends that I knew from the dorms.

There were about eight of us in the group that night. We talked, laughed and danced to the great music. Patty's friends seemed nice enough, although I did not really get the chance to know them well. Patty and I were planning to go home after about two hours since we had a lot of studying to do. I was surprised when after a couple of hours, Patty announced she was going to her boy friends place. She told me her buddy Tom was willing to drop me off. I didn't know him well but she reassured me, that he was a really nice guy. I was shocked and told her I felt uncomfortable. He was a handsome man who stood about 6 feet 4 inches. He had the build of a football player.

I thanked him in advance for bringing me to my apartment as we walked out of the Marion. We got into his blue green Chevy and proceeded to drive home. I told him my sister was waiting for me and I had lots of studying to do. Half way to my apartment, he turned down a road that was unfamiliar to me. I said, " Tom, this is not how to get to my apartment, where are you going?" He stated that he just wanted to take me to his apartment for a drink. I thanked him politely and restated that I had to get home. He got quite loud and told me firmly, I was going to his apartment and he would have me home soon. The energy shift was palpable. It had changed dramatically. The air was filled with anger and hostility. I was very frightened. His voice was stern and demanding. I knew I had to play as If I did not think something horrible would happen. He stopped in front of his apartment and pulled my arm out of his car. I tried to act as if I were not scared, but how I wished I could call out to my sister at this time. This guy was a first class creep and I was not sure as to my game plan, but I knew I would be OK. I prayed silently asking the lord to keep me safe.

"Please sit down and I will get you something to drink. " Oh, I'm not really thirsty and I really do have to get going." Now I was really scared, because he sat right down next to me, so close that I could feel his breath on my neck. He talked to me in a mocking tone saying things like " Oh, you don't want a drink, well what do you think I brought you here for? He just kept getting louder and louder and started putting his huge hands all over me. I told him I didn't even know him. He laughed at me in a cruel condescending way. I knew this situation was trouble. I kept thinking, if only Patty did not leave me tonight, I would be OK. I knew she would feel really horrible, but I was mad. This would never have happened if she did not ditch me.

He was built like a brick shit house, so I knew I could not physically win him over with my 5'4 height and 120 pounds. I thought I would have to totally play the game and psyche him out. I was a psyche student, and knew I could come up with a plan. He now had my arms pulled back behind me on the front of his sofa couch. I will never forget the smell, it was like mildew and must.
He started talking loud again and now was using curse words. He then put all of his body weight on top of me and unzipped his pants ." No no," I said to myself, "please God don't let him touch me." I was pure and could not imagine a man like this taking something so precious away from me. No way no how. He threatened to hurt me if I did not do what he wanted. I will let you go as soon as you make me feel good he said.

A sudden calm came over me. I knew what I had to do, it was all so clear. I said, if you let go of me, I will have a drink with you. I made small talk. He seemed happy and relieved that I was going to stay. His grip loosened and His voice became calmer. I thought all was well when all of sudden he thrust-ed his large penis into my mouth making me participate in fellatio. I thought I was going to throw up, but I knew I had no choice. When he decided it was over he moved off me and made some crude remark. I wanted to run right then and there, but I knew I had to play my cards right. I told him I wanted a stiff Bacardi and Coke. He let out an eery laugh knowing I planned to stay for one drink. I giggled nervously as he walked into the kitchen. I again told him to make it a good one. I pretended to look as if I was not horrified. My body language said I was happy. I had to act as if. This I believe I did well.

I said a quick prayer of protection and darted out the door. I ran so fast, I was falling over myself. I need to get to the student union. I made it and frantically called my twin sister crying. She tried to calm me, but I screamed, hurry and come get me, I have just been sexually assaulted." He would of raped me, hurry Linda, please." I thought Linda would die. We are so close and I knew she felt so worried she would not get me in time.

I drifted into a deep depression for several months. I was not myself at all. My dad and twin sister could not stand to see me so sad.

I still think about the sexual assault I endured at college, but If my story can help one person, it is all worth it. I have worked through this in therapy. I can forgive him, but I will never forget.

Bless a thing and it will bless you. Curse it and it will curse you...If you bless a situation, it has no power to hurt you, and even if it is troublesome for a time, it will gradually fade out, if you sincerely bless it. --Emmet Fox

© Laura Rogers Arne



Comments 45 comments

Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago

Dear God Healing Touch! Dear God. This life is so crazy. I tire of the violence, the deceptions, the bullying. I tire of powerful people getting their way.

God bless you dear Healing Touch. God bless you and lift you up. You are a light and wonder of this world. I love you dear. God bless!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

I don't understand how a man can do this. Normal men instantly lose all desire when a woman says she's not interested. The man who gets his satisfaction from forcing himself on a woman is a dangerous freak.

I'm very sorry this happened to you. It is my firm belief that such sex offenders should be locked up for life, first offense. They will always be dangerous because the violence is part of their desire.

This is a courageous Hub and a much needed warning for other young women. Don't allow yourself to be placed in such a dangerous situation. Call someone you know and trust for that ride home. Stay with the crowd. Don't be a victim.

Thank you Healing Touch. We have a daughter in college, and I'll make sure she reads this.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Mickey Dee My great friend,

Thanks for the valued feedback. I am with you, NO MORE VIOLENCE

Bless you


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Will star

Thanks so much for the great feedback. This was scary to write for all to see, but if you can share this with your daughter it would mean a lot to me. I was naive and believed in humanity. It is sad we have to be so protected but such is life. God Bless You


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

What a horrible experience! I know all about it – it uproots and displaces a girl/woman momentarily. I can write a book about this. “It could have been worse,” we always tell ourselves afterwards, and yet, even that not-so-worse changes our destiny and handicap us for years if not for ever. We do develop survival-techniques – to prevent it from keeping us in the darkness of depression, and one of it is to convince ourselves that we have forgiven the scoundrel. Then comes a day when we realize that forgiving is merely a rule we try to obey – in vain.... But we keep on trying until it doesn’t matter any more. Laura, I hope the writing about this was like cleaning an abscess in your soul for the last time. Sterilize that wound for once and for all... let it never get inflamed again. Only best wishes from me to you.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

MartieCoetser,

Bless you dear friend. I want you to know that writing this was sooooooooooooooo healing. I knew I had to do it, I just could not write it till now.

I hope we both have joy filled lives and no violence in the future.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota

Dear Dear sister-Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I write this. This is one of those memories from the past that is so hard think about because I love you sooo much. I wish I would've gone to that concert that night and walked home with you.

That guy was a maggot and although we chose not to call the cops, I hope that when he did this again to another woman (which I'm sure he did) that they called on him and sent him to prison. I saw and felt your fear when you and I walked on campus the years after the assault and once or twice we had to see his face. You are my courageous sister and I love you so much. Your a survivor and I am so glad you wrote about this assault for you and to help warn others or heal others that have been victimized. HUGS/HUGS/HUGS:)


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

MT, thanks sweet sister. Yes, it is so hard to think about. Remember the time I saw the dude on campus and fell off steps cuz I was so upset. You all brought me in to get stitches. My head was pooring out blood. Thanks for the love Hugs back


K9keystrokes profile image

K9keystrokes 5 years ago from Northern, California

HT~ Damn-it! As I read your story an inner anger evolved within me. Even as the event was in your past I wanted to rip this guys head off! I am again full of amazement at the depth of your courage. So sorry you had to be placed in harms way. I give this creep no power, you are the powerful one here. He is nothing but a spec of unclean filth left to live darkly among the ugly hateful things within his mind. You have come out of this a beautifully clean agent of love and goodness. The bravery you offer in the telling of this night will brighten a safe clear path for young women of current time; this gift you offer is one of noble value beyond that of golden coins. I am once again honored to read your work.

Thank you for sharing--Godly love covers your precious being.

~Always Choose Love~

K9


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 5 years ago from Canada

Healing Touch, you are courageous and a survivor, just like your sister said. It took courage and strength to grab the window of opportunity that you created to run for your life. I understand how you feel as I still look over my shoulder. When the door bell rings, I freeze for a moment in time. Keep your power -- it belongs to you and no one else. If I were within arms reach of you, I'd be hugging you like a life long friend. {{HUGS}} Peace and light. xox (and Enya is one of my favorites as is Shepherd Moons!! :) )


stars439 profile image

stars439 5 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

Dear Healing Touch : Dear Heart, I feel the same way K9 Keystroke's feels. You have the power. You are the angel, and God's delivered blessing to everyone who know's your heart. I pray with all my heart that God the Father of Heaven deals with that awful insect. I also loved Will Starr, and Mickey Dees comments on this. We all love you, and cherish you , and God cherishes you. What was done will not go unpunished because vengeance is the Lord thy God's, and protects all of his angels and loving babies. God Bless You .


amybradley77 5 years ago

So glad you shared your story here, I know what kind of courage that takes. I have been through some tough things myself, violence is so hard for us to forget in any form. I absolutely agree that you do need to forgive for your own sake, for your mental and emotional healing. Not for the person who does these things, just for yourself, it's the best and strongest way to move on and heal. Love this page, voted up!! A.B.


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

That is really frightening! I am not sure I can save myself in that situation! You are so brave and your mind is so strong to be able to handle it right. That is real nightmare.

Thank you for sharing your story. I think we should teach our young generation to save them from this kind of incident, and to teach them how handle it in the right way when they have to face it anyway.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

K9- Your comments heal me more than you know. I feel so loved here on hub pages. Bless you sweet, dear friend and many hugs to you.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Beth100

My dear friend, I know you understand. I am sorry you understand. I wish we lived in a world of peace where all people treated us like gold. Your the best.

Thanks for the great comments. Love and Light to you


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Freya Cesare

Bless you for coming by. Yes, this hub is to help others. I hope it can help anyone that feels they have no power.

I appreciate you saying that I knew what to do. I still feel I could have done more, but I know hindsight comes later. Bless you


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

My goodness, such an awful event. Such mindless monsters running out there make you wonder if there is any humanity left.

Thank you for spreading awareness.

I will tell more people to read this.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

QudsiaP1

I really appreciate you sharing this as we need to keep our kids safe and prepared for what monsters CAN be out there.


Cari Jean profile image

Cari Jean 5 years ago from Bismarck, ND

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You are so brave for sharing this and being so transparent. Even though your experience was awful, I'm glad nothing worse happened. I truly hope you find complete healing from this horrible experience.


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

HealingTouch, anything to spread awareness, you have a strong voice, it must be heard, young people must know.

P.S. Part 5 of the Changing Lines is published, do let me know what you think of it. :P


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

carijean

Hi , I really felt much better after writing this. Quite cathartic


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

Life is to complicated. But I hope the best for you. Thanks for writing this. God bless you.

Prasetio


mulberry1 profile image

mulberry1 5 years ago

What a truly awful experience. I had friends in college who had similar experiences. I'm guessing this young man probably repeated this behavior, until he was prosecuted at some point. It's hard when we encounter such vicious people. Trust is so important in human relationships, and trust can be hard to regain when someone like this robs us of our peace of mind. This is definitely a good thing to write, not only for you, but for young people who need to try to keep themselves as safe as possible.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

prasetio

Thanks so much for stopping by. Yes, life can throw us some curve balls, but it is those painful times that make us grow so. God Bless You


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Mulberry1

I am glad you feel the hub was useful for others. Thanks so much


Ghost32 5 years ago

This hub is useful for MANY others--most of whom you'll likely never know you helped.

My formal education is also in psychology, as was some of my career work during my "working years". One thing that impacts me often is the level of sheer inner strength many women do find under extremely difficult male-imposed circumstances.

My 6th ex-wife (no, that's not a typo) and I had to travel to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan shortly after we began dating in 1992. Her cousin, a fine man, had been murdered; she needed to be there for the funeral.

The cousin was engaged to a sweetheart of a lady. It was--as happens far too frequently--the estranged husband of his fiancee who laid in wait for the engaged couple in their own home...and then shot the victim with a .30-30 hunting rifle.

As the wounded man lay dying, the killer grabbed the gal and drove into the deep woods. She knew his deepest intention was to murder her and then kill himself. Sex, at this point, had nothing to do with it.

Yet she held him together, talked him down to the point that--as police were closing in on them as they stood beside a lake at dawn--the shooter lifted his rifle...and threw it into the water.

He surrendered quietly to the police just minutes later.

I would never underestimate the power of woman to endure...and, as you state in your own comment, to "grow so" from the curve balls life throws her way.

May the blessings be.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Ghost32

Wow, I am deeply moved by that sad story you wrote about. I bet her life was never the same. What A strong lady. I think it is beautiful the loving power you see in us women. Really, 6th ex wife???? I could not stop myself. Ha. God Bless


leabeth profile image

leabeth 5 years ago

You are such a brave woman. Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure writing about this helped in the healing process. God Bless.


Healing Touch 5 years ago

Leabeth

Thanks for the support on my writing on this ordeal. Blessings back to you


healing touch 5 years ago

Leabeth

Thanks so much for reading my hub. I hope it helps others.


Jan Fowler profile image

Jan Fowler 5 years ago from Valencia, California

Dear Healing Touch, How brave of you to share this story and how brave you were at the time to run. I cannot imagine the feelings of having a man force himself on you, someone so much bigger and stronger. You should be proud of yourself for taking action to save yourself! I hope this can serve as a warning for women that they need not be a victim. Thank you!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Jan, I really appreciate your nice comments. Yes, I hope people share this to help women become more educated and think before this happens and try to stay with the group and never let anyone you dont really know take you home.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago

Thank you for posting this hub!

I am certain it will help others.


Healing touch 5 years ago

dashingscorpio

Thanks so much for thinking it will help others.


Seeker7 profile image

Seeker7 5 years ago from Fife, Scotland

Hi Healing touch,

This took so much courage to tell this part of your life, you should be so proud of yourself. Life can be so full of absolute creeps but then someone else will come along and make you smile again. Great hub and a wonderful piece of writing!!


Healing Touch 5 years ago

Seeker7

What a nice thing to say to me. It really means a lot to me. Peace


Bail Up ! profile image

Bail Up ! 5 years ago

Very courageous of you to talk about and kudos to your keeping calm enough to develop a strategy to get out of there. Unfortunately, we live among scum. I hope life has dealt this guy exactly what he deserves.


Healing touch 5 years ago

Bail up

I so appreciate your comments. We do live among some bad apples. Take Care


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

....well for one of the first times ever at the Hub - the epigramman aka Colin is speechless and dosen't know what to say or write - but I am sincerely very sorry this ever happened to you - or a similar story to so many other poor women. You are brave - you are a survivor - you have your friends and family - everyone here at the Hub is so proud of you for telling this story -


Healing touch 5 years ago

Colin,

I have you speechless, wow, thanks for the support. I am ok, I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR :-P


Mrs. J. B. profile image

Mrs. J. B. 5 years ago from Southern California

Your inner strength and beliefs helped you overcome this horrific violation.


Ms Dee profile image

Ms Dee 5 years ago from Texas, USA

Wow! Thank you for your courage in sharing your story, and grateful to God he has enabled you to be free of it through forgiveness.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Mrs.J.B and Ms Dee

I really appreciate both of your words. Healing is for ourselves so we can live on, not for the monsters. God helped me forgive.


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 5 years ago from Texas

This was a terrible experience you lived through. I have a granddaughter, and forever worried about this world we live in. Thank you for having the inner strength to share and teach.


Jenn 5 years ago

I can not imagine going through something like that, how absolutely awful. But thank you for telling your story because if it could help at least one person, you are right, it is worth telling.

I think you are lucky in that you knew what to in order to get out of that situation. I can imagine many women do not know what to do...and they would fall victim and not be able to run. Thank God, you knew what to do!! It could have been so much worse.

Many hugs to you for sharing, and I hope someone reading benefits from this :) Cheers, Jenn.

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