Conversation with the opposite sex

Serene Lonely is peaceful

 

A conversation with the opposite sex, he considers himself to be up front and blunt about what he feels and what he needs to say. He stated that it was because he was not from here but from France, lived in New York and now Jacksonville.  The conversation got me to thinking, am I happy with being alone? Could I be psychologically messed up with the horrors of my life as a child? Am I paranoid because I take baby steps with the men I meet before jumping into a relationship?  Deep down inside the anxiety that built up inside of me exploded. It happened suddenly after the conversation came around to a cross road of good girl vs. bad girl and honest vs. sexually uptight. A good girl I am not, well at least I don’t think of myself as being a good girl. I present myself one way but I can act in another. I am 100% for two consenting adults acting as such, for life is to short and we aren’t promised to live forever. Live life to the fullest and enjoy every second of it is my motto. I will admit that I haven’t been in a relationship in quite a few years, that doesn’t mean I have lived those few years in celibacy. Then there was the sexually uptight comment he made and the story he shared about a woman, very beautiful with a teenage daughter who wanted to wait to have sex after she was married again for the 2nd time. His response to her “hell no”, of course I agree no one can force their life of celibacy on another person. But then again if that person was truly meant for you, then it would all make itself right for everything will fall into place.  Well of course I had to be honest and blunt because that’s me sometimes a little to honest and blunt, but yeah I spilled the beans. I told him exactly where I stood with my sexuality. Then there it was, he threw at me “well you weren’t a grown up when it happened and you can’t say did I do something wrong to deserve this?”  I thought what the hell does that mean?   I was confused and ready to just block this guy out of my mind. No one ever deserves to be abused sexually.  I told him no one gets passed it for in time they will heal but it will always hold a place in their minds and hearts. He confessed to me of his baby sitter doing things with him when he was 7 and he proceeded to say “and it didn’t affect me mentally in any kind of way.” Wow what? Unbelievable this guy are you seriously going to tell me how I should get passed something mentally and physically in comparing yourself with me and what I went through? I don’t doubt that I have lived a life of paranoia and placing my daughter as the wall between the relationships I have or haven’t had with the men that have entered into my life. Not every guy is a child molester and or perverted freak looking to ruin me and my daughter’s life, of course they aren’t. I just tend to want to protect my daughter from ever having to go through what I did, at some point the cycle has to be broken. “I don’t think I could ever do what women do to take care of their children. Placing their lives on the backburner to raise their children, for men we live a different life of physics.”  I just rolled my eyes, yes he’s not the guy for me must move on, being blunt and upfront will wean out the ones that aren’t meant to be in your life. Why not show all your cards at the beginning of the game before you get in to deep, when all bets are off.

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