Cougar Talk

Cougar Tales

Hi, I'm Isabella,

It seems that my friends are determined to make me share the experiences I've had with the younger men in my life. I was blissfully ignorant of my rising stature in the world of cougars. The word used to bother me as I felt it had the connotation of being predatory, but I've since come to terms with it. It is what it is, a name and let's face it, it's an attractive animal so why fight it. My 28 year old companion informs me that he is a cub so I'll take his word for it. And yes, before you start, he is a little younger than I am going to recommend. But there are exceptions for every rule and he is an exception.

It is not that I came to be this icon of cougarism, it all happened very innocently and without forethought. Women in my age group know the unfortunate truth. Good men our age are rarely single and if they are they either have issues with performance/endurance, are selfish, have no humor, live with their mothers, have addition issues, are workaholics with no time, and most importantly usually make less money than me. This usually translates to a range of reactions from outright hostilility or fright to them having a vague sense of feeling uncomfortable. If they are as financially successful, as I am, they want a trophy wife or mistress (by definition very young).

Believe me, I've been to enough of those Executive Retreats with all the VPs etc. running aroung and checked out the women. They were a few long term wives there, but mostly it was a sea of young blondes with very large breasts. So the question becomes, do I sit on the sidelines hoping for the perfectly appropriate man by society's standards or do I get in the game. For me, I found that the traditional online dating sites brought out the younger men and although I didn't actually take up very many on their offers, it did open my eyes to a whole world of adoring men out there that want a chance to be with a quality woman who doesn't play games, bring drama into their lives and have so much to share with them. There is more than one young man out there that has become a successful and polished businessman because of how I helped develop the best sides of themselves. It isn't just about the good sex. It's about having someone by your side that truly admires you, encourages you and brings out the best in you. In return, they have a champion to build their self esteem, polish their image with a healthy sheen of sophistication and give sound career advice. There are no losers, especially if you have the proper expectations. I'm not necessarily talking about finding a husband or even a companion for the rest of your life, although there are many instances where this is what is found - take Demi Moore for example. But instead, making a friend of your lover and sharing two different worlds and finding a new one together that melds the best from both.

I will be updating this hub or new hubs with detailed stories of my funny, sad, eye-opening, sometimes humiliating but always real experiences and hope I can impart some insight for both cougars and cubs out there. For the rest of you, enjoy and live vicariously through my experiences. You're bound to snicker and laugh and occasionally raise your head in disbelief ad call out: "hey honey, you're not gonna believe this one...".

I thought I should share my first experience with a much younger man. It might give you some perspective on both the positives and the negatives. And yes, despite the negatives I did not make it my last.

I had a normal account to which a very young man responded. I got the email on one of those days where the world was bleak and I suddenly wanted to throw caution into the wind. I find that although I get many inquiries, I'm really somewhat of a hard catch. I love my solitude and my own company and it takes a lot to get me out of my shell. Don't get me wrong, my co-workers, employees and friends will tell you I'm the life of the party. But when it comes to dating I'm very careful and at the time could take it or leave it. Work was so all consuming that quiet times were a welcome retreat. But sometimes you just feel spunky or adventurous, and when I feel adventurous - watch out. So I met this young man. I'm embarrassed to say he was a mere 24 years old, worked for the airlines and was just so so hot to meet me. We met at a local sports bar. Lots of people, always trying to be safe, I ventured inside and he spotted me almost immediately. To say he was feeling amorous is quite an understatement. He had real trouble keeping his hands to himself, and I'll admit I was flattered. It was nice to feel that attractive and desired. I will also grant that we probably didn't have much in common. His level of sophistication was very low and honestly there would not have been much hope for improving it anytime soon . Oh well! What he lacked in sophistication he tried to make up in enthusiasm. His confession, months later -that he was the most envied man at his workplace, is probably accurate. He apparently conveyed his experiences in detail to his co-workers much to their delight. Frankly, he was energetic and wanted to prove he was worthy. He literally would call me and beg, "please let me come over again, I promise I'll try to keep up this time".

Sure - it didn't last long, but it was a learning experience for myself and obviously for him. I ask myself frequently why God would design us in such a way to make a woman her best after 40 and men their best at 18. It sounds like a cosmic joke.

Be it as it may, that's reality and we have to come to terms with it - each in our own way. I've learned a lot since that first experience. Primarily that you can find true quality experiences with a younger man that transcend the more obvious advantages.

I have, however, found a lot of other pitfalls that I want to warn you about. The primary ones are as follows: The stalker, the Conman and the younger man at work. I haven't had experience with the latter one because it violates one of my golden rules, but I have enough third pary stories to curl your toes,

And the controversy begins.....

Well, I certainly didn't anticipate the heated discussions that would arise at my household when my last post was published. And it was about the most unexpected topic. It appears my cub (his term) disagrees vehemently with me about the "sexual peak" of women vs. men.

It is his firm assertion that men do NOT hit their peak at 18 but are at their peak anytime later in life (not including those who have physical issues) and hit it anytime they have someone in front of them that they want to have sex with again. In other words, it is all mental, if they want to impress a woman they can perform anytime, anywhere and with all the impressive vigor or finesse required to make her want to come back for more. Furthermore, their lack of impressive performances later in life is purely a symptom of boredom with their wives or partners. They sowed their oats when they were young, tried all the various exotic twists and varieties and therefore have very little that excites them at that point other than perhaps a hot, young nimble thing that they can lust after. Women (ladies), on the other hand, are handicapped early by the norms of society and are not usually inclined to engage in the free sexual explorations that they might like to because it would stigmatize them as "sluts". Furthermore, with age they become bolder and care much less about what society has to say and can finally make up for lost time. Finally, women are now in a unique position to do as they like and get away with behavior that, as he puts it "if I did that, I'd be labeled a pig". It's a cool trend now, according to him, to be a cougar or a cub.

Now I really thought I was on firm ground, medically and psychologically, when I made that "sexual peak" comment. I still believe it, but I have to be open to the possibility that his argument could hold some merit. I mean, I see major holes in that theory but one has to give pause and ask yourself "Do men really think this way?". Is this just a minority opinion? Or is this a pervasive impression that men have? I'd really like some feedback on this. Could men just have trouble with the thought that most of their lives they are losing something while women are gaining? Or is that just a self serving concept for women?

This conversation led to an interesting follow up discussion regarding how the young men who are attracted to older women rate them. There are apparently distinct characteristics that are considered more attractive to these men and I've tried to pull them all together in a cohesive fashion for your review. Feel free to disagree, I love the input and am always looking to refine my data. If you're interested in How Cubs Rate Cougars please go to the following hubpage: or are you wondering about those really bad moves to avoid when dating a cub, then check out:

Stay tuned for more adventures and tales from the cougar.


Comments 17 comments

Elizabeth 4 years ago

I am living with a man who is 13 years younger than me. He is 27 and I am 40. We have been together for 2 years and it is truly wonderful.I have more in common with him than any other man of my own age.

Hubbleme 4 years ago

Your hub is a must to read and your thoughts eloquently spoken. This facination for younger men is now more prominent and prevalent in western society. It is big boost to younger men as they(cubs) master their sexuality with mature sophisticated and liberated women. But what is the cougar looking for a toy boy, a sexual machine, a hard body or simply a warm body when needed. I would suggest that mature male would be more knowledgeable, more patient,more refined,moves deliverately to make it a memorable sensual experience as your equal (giving and receiving) partner. I still believe in quality over quantity. Someone who might still cuddle you and whisper sweet nothings, after his done. I guess the choice is always the "Cougar's"

privateye2500 profile image

privateye2500 5 years ago from Canada, USA, London

It's about having someone by your side that truly admires you, encourages you and brings out the best in you.

I LIKE that!

R3dcougar profile image

R3dcougar 5 years ago from Ireland

I am glad I am not alone! Someone told me recently that being a 'cougar' is actually very negative - that it refers to a predatory mature woman who snags younger guys for one-night stands. I think we have 'Cougar Town' to thank for that. But I have always thought it just meant an older woman who actively seeks to date younger men. And I that is what I am, whatever anyone wants to call it!

40Guy 5 years ago

Men's sex drive most certainly slows down at some point (for me it was in my mid 30s), and thank god too! There were times in my 20s where I wished I had a switch to simply shut down my libido, it was that distracting. Testosterone is a very, very powerful hormone.

That said, older men who care about their partner can (if they keep themselves physically fit) do every bit as well as their 18 year-old selves ... but unlike an 18 year old, you'd better let them recharge for a day (-;

Ludolph L. Misher III 6 years ago

Isabella, You speak the truth on the subject of Cougar Women...for many years I have had the honor of dating several wonderful MATURE COUGAR WOMEN...I find that they are no different than younger women,except that they don't need approval form anyone...including skeptics.This is one of the true advantages a mature woman possess.For those women who see cougar women in a negative light...they should realize that the rocking chair still works for those who beg to differ.Keep up your ranting!

Ludolph L. Misher III 6 years ago

Isabella, You speak the truth on the subject of Cougar Women...for many years I have had the honor of dating several wonderful MATURE COUGAR WOMEN...I find that they are no different than younger women,except that they don't need approval form anyone...including skeptics.This is one of the true advantages a mature woman possess.For those women who see cougar women in a negative light...they should realize that the rocking chair still works for those who beg to differ.Keep up your ranting!

stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

Interesting Hub and more power to the Cougars. God Bless

S.K.Renee 6 years ago

Hmmmm Lot's to think about here. I'm thinking you remind me of a dear friend. As a married and faithful wife, I am limited to her tales and adventures. They are great, as are yours. Keep them coming!

Eva Hansson 7 years ago

Fascinating, well written hub, Isabella. I've yet to date a much younger man, but I may just make that transformation after reading this. Thanks for the entertainment and knowledge.

IsabellaRothchild profile image

IsabellaRothchild 7 years ago from Orlando, FL Author

Scott, low thirties is certainly still in your prime, especially if accompanied by experience and little if any loss of performance. I'm glad dating older women enriched you and made your present experiences richer for it. Enjoy this as I'm sure your lovers do.

I was actually referring to men well over 40, if not 50 who do often struggle in this regard. There are always exceptions, however. Thanks for your input. Please keep in touch. Always needing the male perspective.

Scott.Life 7 years ago

I would have to agree with your cub, I am just starting my thirties and as far as ability, stamina, and knowledge I have far out distanced anything I did when I was 18-25. I am now convinced that this decade will be just the beginning of my prime years so to speak, and I have found that women are very receptive to me at this age as if I have undergone some kind of transformation. I believe that as a man matures he becomes more comfortable in his own skin and is free to concentrate more on enjoying sex as a whole not just the end result. For most of my late teens and twenties I dated older women and am grateful, what I learned has enabled me to become a great lover, and partner and every man who's woman I steal agrees. Women want men no matter what age, they are, and the spoiled grown boy routine is getting old.

marsha 7 years ago

I have been told that I am a "Cougar" and will admit to dating men 10 yrs my junior (I am now 44). Many men who are even younger ask me out but I am not interested. When I became single again (with two small kids), it seemed that a "cub" would be fun and was flattering to say the least! I went for it but to be honest, he was hot but not my equal in any way! He helped my self esteem and we had a hot time! Afterwards, he didn't understand why I didn't want to see him again. I had to be honest and explain, he was hurt and was not used to a women "ending " it. Since, I am still dating men of all ages but 10 yrs younger, mature, gainfully employed, living on my limit! As for the sexual peek ..yes at over 40 it is here! The younger men do have lots on the older ones, in my experience anyway.

Steven Scott 7 years ago

All men are different, just like all women are different. Very interesting hub.

Monica Grant 7 years ago

I think, Isabella, that you are indeed a "Cougar Icon!" Keep these hubs coming, I can't wait for the next one!

Incognito030707 profile image

Incognito030707 7 years ago

Well I have only heard that theory about male sexuality from a few men before (about sexual peak timing). It is my opinion that these men are simply in denial about the fact that men peak sexually between 18 and 26 (or there about). Saying that a man can sexually peak at will is quite humorous, and ignorant. While I wouldn't say that a man's sex drive is totally diminished in later years it is usually less. As far as physical performance.....your cub is way off. If his assummption were anywhere near correct there would be no such thing as viagara. Men who believe things like that WANT to believe them, even though there is overwhelming proof to the contrary.

Sherri Cortland profile image

Sherri Cortland 7 years ago

Very interesting hub! This is interesting for "cougars" and Non-cougars! Being a cougar isn't just about sex--it's really about women being empowered to take control of their lives, and that is something that even married women like me can support 100%! I'm looking forward to reading more about Isabella's adventures and insights.

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