Could she be cheating on you?

So this is a touchy subject. I do not want to ever be accused of running from controversy. And friends, this "is" controversy at its finest.

I wish this was a story about Dr. Seuss, but sadly, it's not. This is a story about a common event that takes place everyday, every night, and almost every minute. The ageless plight of guys who never think. Never suspect that their "sweetie," girlfriend or wife, who rates a 12 on a scale of 1 to 10, could ever look at another guy, much less cheat on you with him. What do you call these guys? Gullible. Good-hearted, trusting to a fault, but gullible.

And the story is not new. Nor is the subject. Who knows the human heart and what it wants? The only thing I can lend to this subject of "Could she be cheating on you," is that "I" am no expert on this venue. And the signs I am listing below to tell the gullible guys to watch for in their relationships with their "hotties," are not conclusive. They can vary from couple to couple.

Okay. It always starts out innocently. You and your best friend, "Thad," who has been your best friend since high school and college, are sitting in your living room watching The Super Bowl like guys do all across America. You two are laughing, talking, zinging each other like best buddies do, sipping a few cold ones and just having a great Sunday afternoon.

Then like changing acts in a Shakespeare classic, you have to visit the bathroom to relieve yourself of the beer you have guzzled. Nothing strange about that. But while you are in "the head," something mysteriously-hot is about to happen in the living room. Oh, if you had held your beer for another five minutes.

"Thad," is fully-engrossed in the football game on television. And now the sparks fly. Your hot wife, "Ginger," dressed only in short shorts, halter top, and high heels, (and it's January for decency's sake), for that's how she dresses at home, strolls from the kitchen to where "Thad" is sitting and trips on the torn place in the carpet sending her falling clumsily into "Thad's" lap. If only you had fixed that torn carpet two weeks ago.

"Ginger's" eyes meet "Thad's." Talk about awkward. This is awkward with a capital "A." "Uhh, excuse me, 'Thad," for being so clumsy," "Ginger" says sounding like one of those sultry voices on those telephone sex numbers.

"Ohhh, uhh, haw, haw, err, that's fine, 'Ginger,' it was more my fault than yours. I was sitting too close to the kitchen," "Thad," who has kept his linebacker body in shape since he graduated from college says with an innocent look on his face.

"Ginger," takes her time in getting off "Thad's" lap. "Thad" is now acting uncomfortable. Aroused, but doesn't show it. Sweat pops out on his forehead. "Ginger," stands and smooths out the wrinkles in her short shorts and says, "do you need another beer?"

"Uhh, yeah, please," "Thad" mumbles wiping sweat from his forehead.

Then "you" walk back into the living room from letting your kidneys act. You can sense a change in the atmosphere in the room. You don't say a word. You take a sip of your beer. Ask "Thad," "who's ahead, the Patriots or Giants?" "Giants," "Thad" hurriedly answers triggering your suspicions even more.

From there it's a game of "cloak and dagger," with you and "Ginger." She changes right before your eyes. You notice the drastic changes in her and each time you try to talk to her, she cuts you off, snaps at you and leaves the room. Yep. "Ginger," is losing, or has lost her attraction for you.

But don't beat yourself up. It really wasn't your fault. You did all the right things. You courted her, romanced her, paid her all of the attention a woman can enjoy, took her dancing, dining and to shows. You bought her expensive gifts right and left, and still, she found a spark of something she liked in your best friend, "Thad," but now you cannot help the situation. You can only be cool, level-headed, and pray that "Ginger" comes to her senses and wants to "talk things out" with you.

My friend, you should have read this list of things that ask . . ."Could She Be Cheating On You?"

If your hot girlfriend or wife displays any or all of these signs, then be concerned. You might be left alone one day and feeling very dumb for not being prepared.

1. DOES SHE change the subject when you ask, "who was that you were on the phone with at two this morning?"
2. DOES SHE say another man's name when you and her are making love?
3. DOES SHE get really dressed-up hot when your best buddy drops by to give you back the monkey wrench he borrowed from you eight years ago?
4. DOES SHE invite her "bestie," "Judy," over to talk to her. And spends the next twelve hours talking about "having affairs," but when you accidentally walk into the bedroom, she changes the subject to "produce shopping"?
5. DOES SHE insist on sitting near your best buddy on the love seat when he visits you to watch sports on Saturday?
6. DOES SHE find reasons to touch your best buddy on the cheek, arm, and butt?
7. DOES SHE volunteer to ride with your best buddy back to town on a "beer run," and says to you, "you have worked hard all week. "We" can get the beer."
8. DOES SHE and your best buddy spend six hours "buying beer," when the nearest package store is only five minutes from your house, and when they return, she only hands you a six-pack?
9. SHE INSISTS that you buy her a private cell phone plan of her own. And doesn't share her number with you?
10. SHE URGES you to go on a weekend fishing trip when it's not even fishing season.
11. SHE EMBRACES your best friend when he picks you up to ride to work with him and gets stuck in the driver's side window of your best friend's truck.
12. DOES SHE always invite your best friend to come with her to the bedroom to see the new lingerie she has bought?
13. DOES SHE GET MIFFED if you do not take her along when you and your best buddy go out drinking after a hard day?
14. DO YOU CATCH HER throwing your best friend kisses across the room?
15. DOES SHE BRING SHAME ON YOU by wanting to sit in your best friend's lap at Denny's restaurant?
16. DOES HER VISA CARD show thousands of dollars worth of purchases of men's clothing for your best friend?
17. WHEN SHE CALLS YOU from "work" she says, to let you know that she will be running late, and you hear a man answer the phone in the background, "Good evening, Holiday Inn Express?"
18. WHEN IT'S JUST YOU AND HER at home, she continually begs you to call your best friend, who is out of town, and find out when he is coming home?
19. WHEN IT'S JUST YOU AND HER at home and you want a romantic evening with her, and she falls asleep at 7:30 p.m.?
20. WHEN YOUR BEST FRIEND eats with you, she insists on taking him home and doesn't come back until 2 a.m. the next morning?

Guys, and you know whom you are, if any or all of these signs fit you and your relationship with your girlfriend or wife . . .

wouldn't you agree that something's wrong?