Love Stories:Cousin Vincenzo and his virgin bride;Wedding night...

This is the story of my almost perfect cousin Vincenzo and his stunningly beautiful bride Maria...who was as pure as the driven snow.

Vincenzo grew up tall and strong working in his fathers vineyard.He was so attractive his looks bordered on being pretty...though there was no doubt of his masculinity as many a young lady could attest.He may have looked boyish but he performed like a man.

The local girls often wandered by his father's vineyard in hopes of glimpsing his muscled chest and washboard abs as he stomped grapes shirtless.They nick named him Backus,god of wine,after the ancient deity of Rome.Curiously enough however,Vincenzo never drank wine;He said it diminished him at times.

Vincenzo had a magnetic effect on women of all ages.He was their god of wine and erotic fantasy.One could see the wistful look of 'fantasy fulfilled' as girl after girl recounted her time with him...every intimate detail.Vincenzo was always upbeat,confident,and[understandably]the life of any party.His dark luminous eyes,Romanesque hair,and perfect white teeth were reminiscent of Michelangelo's David...except for one minor flaw he never spoke of...nor could it be seen while he was dressed.His lovers kept his secret for fear of not being with him again.

A few years earlier,Vincenzo'd had a terrible accident at work.A large part[almost half]of his left foot had been amputated in a wine press accident.A slight swagger was the result of his accident,a swagger that accentuated his narrow hips and tight butt.

Vincenzo took on a sort of subdued humility soon after his brush with death...which only served to increase his affect on woman.It was a Devil's bargain,the trade off of half his foot for that sexy swagger that made him irresistible.He however,had transformed;He truly believed in himself now as an average guy enjoying the gift of life...and so he spent much of his time with one or another girl because of his compassionate nature and their constant need for his 'comforting' .Was he experienced?Yes...yes he was...

Maria,on the other hand,was raised just the opposite of Vincenzo,she had been sheltered all her life.Maria was a petite,naïve,dark,Italian beauty;She was the sparkling jewel in the ring of her Mama's pride.Maria was athletic,graceful,sensual,and diminutive all at once.She had an exotic quiet soft presence,a presence so soft and alluring a man could get lost in it if he wasn't careful.Maria's family also held a fair share of the land surrounding the village of Troia which made her even more desirable.

Maria was an athletic young woman as well.She exercised daily helping with house work,doing her P90X,and horse back riding.She always saved her horse for last;She'd gotten him as a gift when she was very young and he was just a pony,so they grew up together.Maria loved the feeling of sitting astride such a powerful,muscled,creature;Nothing else made her feel those butterflys deep down inside ...as though her bodily connection to him was somehow stimulating and satiating at the same time.She couldn't put her finger on it but Gabriel[her horse]seemed to have that effect on her whenever she rode him...she rode him often...and hard.

Despite Maria's incredible allure,and judging by the number of boys trying to attach themselves to her,she had never so much as glimpsed a male body unclothed...not even the legendary chest of Vincenzo.To make matters worse,her father had passed away many years ago precluding any advise from him;And her Mama[Who had not remarried]thought it a sin to inflame Maria's womanly passions by discussing Eros,let alone a mans 'part' in it.

The annual all saints day festival in the piazza of Troia was the first time Vincenzo and Maria laid eyes on each other;They knew instinctively they would marry.Yes,it was lust and love and lust at first site.The families knew each other socially and as tradition dictated both sides agreed to the marriage.Arrangements were made for the two to meet and Vincenzo courted Maria for a respectable amount of time...always with a chaperon or two of course.The families weren't foolish,they would not take chances.

Maria's girlfriends teased her about what would happen on her wedding night.One girlfriend laughingly suggested she buy a 'how to' manual.All of her girlfriends held their peace however,and refused to go into the details of how Eros works though their teasing and innuendos were endless none the less.Maria laughed nervously,a touch of fear flashing ever so slightly across her lovely face.She feared she would make a fool of herself on that momentous night.She'd also heard rumors of overly large men hurting their wives in their rush to consummate.Vincenzo however,was not overly tall or heavy so she dismissed her fear...not knowing what 'overly large' actually referred to...still,her nervousness grew...

Maria's anxiety became so great she cornered her Mama and made her promise to sit down stairs of the couples home on their wedding night.She argued that having Mama close would give her comfort in her hour of need...not to mention advise as to what to do upon losing her virginity[the how of it that is]. Mama reluctantly agreed to make her all day all night special Alfredo sauce downstairs while Maria and Vincenzo consummated their marriage upstairs.Mama would start her Alfredo sauce the morning of Maria's wedding day.After all was finished at church it would take the rest of the night...her sauce that is.

Mama smiled as memories of losing her virginity came flooding back making her feel a bit randy herself.She had developed quite the appetite for Eros after her first time;To say she was experienced was an understatement...a rather large one.Some neighbors quietly joked that her 'Need' for it was the cause of her husbands demise...it had been quite some time since she'd felt the warm embrace of a man.She was also aware that the first time can be difficult for some girls.It would not be a problem for her little girl,she would be just down stairs should anything 'arise' that frightened her beautiful Maria;Her baby was marrying one of the wealthiest handsomest boys in the village of Troia...and that made mama very happy.

The big day finally arrived and exceeded everyone's expectations;The night promised to be even better.When all the wedding festivities were over,Maria,Vincenzo,and Mama retired to the young couples home.Mama made her way into the kitchen[making sure to stay in range of maria's voice] to attend to her sauce.Vincenzo,ever the romantic,swept Maria up in his hard muscular arms and climbed the stairs to their wedding bed...here's the best part.

Vincenzo removed his shirt which sent Maria scurrying from the room.She ran down stairs,eyes wide open,and said

"Mama,he's-a Got a Real Hairy Chest with-a Hard Bumps!"Mama just smiled,patted Maria on the head,and said

"It's-a OK Maria;Vincenzo,He's-a gonna take-a care a you...you gonna be Sooo Happy"Maria quietly returned to her husband...where upon,he removed his Pants and stood before her wearing only shorts and socks.Again Maria shot down stairs,arms flailing, and said

"Mama,Mama..."Holy Cow-a,he's-a Gotta some Real Big Hairy legs...and-a One more Bump!"!Almost laughing,Mama said

"Maria,don't-a be so scared.Vincenzo,he knows-a what to do.He's-a gonna make-a you a Bambino,so go to you husband".

And so,back up the stairs Maria went.The moment she entered the bedroom,Vincenzo[still wearing his shorts...with bump]removed his socks...revealing his half amputated foot.Maria screamed and literally tumbled down the stairs.She entered the kitchen with a confused fearful look on her face.Maria's voice caught in her throat and she stammered for a moment.Finally getting the words out,she said...

..."oh my GOD-A Mama...He's-a got a Foot and a HALF!"..........................Mama stopped stirring her sauce,a rather misty look coming across her face.She took Maria by the hand...gently sat her down on the sofa...and started slowly...and with purpose...up the stairs.

As she began to climb...Mama turned toward Maria,raised her finger to her lips,and whispered

"Shh-Maria.THIS is a job-a for Mama".

.......feed your funny.......


More by this Author


Comments 15 comments

rdcast profile image

rdcast 4 years ago from God's Green Earth

You took a long way around a dirty joke, didn't you?


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 4 years ago from Malaga, Spain

Loved it.... thanks

John


KevinC9998 profile image

KevinC9998 4 years ago

Wow, that was quite a build up to the punch line but worth every minute. Voted up and funny! Thanks, Kevin


cheaptrick profile image

cheaptrick 4 years ago from the bridge of sighs Author

Hi y'all,thanks so much for visiting my latest cheap trick hub Ha!

@rdcast...yes,yes we must delve into"Tawdry"lol.Lest we forget!

John my old friend,your comments always hit the spot,I do appreciate your visits.

Kevin,this is a quick jaunt through silly,thanks for your up vote and don't be a stranger.Some of my other hub's are even sillier!

Dean


rdcast profile image

rdcast 4 years ago from God's Green Earth

don't get me wrong, the carnal did chuckle out loud


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 4 years ago from California

HA HA HA ..........DEAN! This made me really laugh!!! How are you?!! G


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 3 years ago from Chicago

That is awesomely funny dude! I love it. Great story. Thank you!


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 3 years ago from Yucaipa, California

I don't see any old Italian women commenting on this hub! So is this autobiographical and your mother in law is still in the kitchen? Or not? I read the story quite rapidly trying to reach the climax and I was a little stunned! But it was a fun ending and maybe you could write several variations. There's that whole genre, called choose your own adventure. Like Vincenzo has a heart attack like Mama's old man! Anywho, a lot of guys commenting here. Not sure what that tells us! But a good zesty spaghetti and meatball story. Love it


cheaptrick profile image

cheaptrick 3 years ago from the bridge of sighs Author

Hi V.Sorry I missed your quip when you posted dude.

It's Great to see your still around!Thanks for the visit.


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 3 years ago from Yucaipa, California

I'm still here, writing and writing and everything else, like making my bed once in a while, brushing, flossing once a week, picking my nose, and laughing my ass off with some really good friends who support me like I have never been supported in my life. Have you read The Traveler's Gift by Andy Andrews or the The Four Agreements by Dom Miguel Ruiz. Traveler's Gift, in particular, is one of those books I coulde not put down. Short, relatively speaking, but can have a life changing effect as well as the four agreement if you let them! They both helped me focus on this particular time of my life to go for all I want to go for and to be responsible and accountable at the same time!! Anywho, Great to chat with you!

Vern


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 3 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Absolutely hysterical...oh my, this laugh felt great. Voted UP and FABI.

I would probably qualify as an " old Italian woman", by the way...


cheaptrick profile image

cheaptrick 3 years ago from the bridge of sighs Author

Well thanks for the thumbs up marcoujor and thanks for the Pink Floyd hub,loved it.Those old Italian women pretty much rule Italy...and it's an unforgettable experience being with one...I heard :)


Oztinato profile image

Oztinato 9 months ago from Australia

Raising a dirty joke to the high levels of literature. Bueno magnifico and bravo.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 months ago from Queensland Australia

Very funny story. Thanks for the laugh.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

vrbmft......What's that you say about not seeing any old Italian women here? 3 years late, here I am. This is pretty funny. It would be funnier to me if I didn't know it's a complete fantasy story.....

The reality is....50 years ago, my dear Italian mother would not have been my choice as a coach or protector! Oh, I loved my Mom, no doubt. She simply wasn't qualified to give lessons nor advice in particular categories.....if you know what I mean?

LOL.....Just the thought of this scenario made me laugh! Very old joke but a great new twist for your story.

I really like your style........Peace, Paula

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working