DEFINING SUCCESS

Lisa Iris, Gossamer Wings

One Single Mother's Triumphs

I am not truly a "single" mother, because I am technically married (at the time of this writing). But I have been separated for nearly a year, and even when I was still with him, his contributions financially were laughable. He made money, but he would waste it in spurts of frivolity, and he would hide any large sums he received.

It wasn't until I decided to leave him that I realized how important money is in my life. I have three small children, and I have to be able to take proper care of them. I was paralyzed by fear for years and love that made me blind to the possibilities. It wasn't until a good friend gave me the idea to stuff money into a safety deposit box myself (I mean, why not? He was hiding money from me, and what's good for the goose....). It took two years to get what I needed together, as I had to do it a little here and a little there to avoid detection.

In that same vein, it also took quite some time to find the right house. I subsequently found the perfect house for myself and these children. At first, my alcoholic, verbally abusive husband tried to trick me into thinking he had gone for help with his drinking problem, but then it quickly became apparent that he was simply trying to get me back where he wanted me: an imprisoned spouse. Well, no, thanks.

So I gave him six months. Ten months later, he decided that I wasn't worth his trouble. At first I was hurt by the irony of it all, but I digress...

At this point, I had already earned a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and the Social Sciences at the local university. Prior to that, I had spent eight and a half years in property management. I had previously worked in a wide variety of jobs, including a job determining eligibility for cash assistance, food stamps and Medicaid. After working for the state determining eligibility, I had started my own business in the accounting field (another ironic twist in my life.....).

I had written and recorded songs, had poetry published, and dabbled in artistic endeavours as well. But I felt no measure of success, because at the end of the day, I had a miserable (THIRD!) marriage to a man that I felt was a bad influence on my children and had never treated me right.

It took more courage than I ever thought possible to walk away. I was always in doubt as to whether or not this was the proper time or that was a better time. I put it off for many months after I was ready financially, primarily out of fear. It wasn't until he ruined my Christmas, and I had finally found the perfect house, that I knew it was time to walk away.

I don't think he believed me at first when I said I was leaving. I had threatened repeatedly to leave during heated arguments over the years. When I showed up with three men and a van, I think he was a little shocked. But he knew enough not to give me trouble. I took whatever would not cause an argument, and I bought myself whatever I still needed.

I have taught accounting software to small businesses for a few years now, and I have been able to support my children with that income. Recently, however, I thought to myself how nice it would be if I could get back into property management, as that was the job I had been the happiest at.

Shortly thereafter, the property manager for my building offered me a job as an independent contractor doing the same thing I used to do. I accepted. He has, since then, paid for me to go to real estate school, and I passed the test three days ago.

I am in Heaven. And this feeling of euphoria, for me, defines success. I am on my way to making my place in the world. Someday, I may just see my name in lights WITHOUT having to call myself "EXIT."


All Four Are "The Square of Life" per Florence Scovel Shinn.

Do you feel you have found success in your life? In What Area?

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Comments 13 comments

wesleycox profile image

wesleycox 7 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012

This is a nice upplifting story, and I am proud of you for doing what you felt was right. Life usually works itself out for us though we may not know when or how.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Hi there. I saw in my inbox you'd published a new hub. Had NO clue it would be such a song of triumph! I am in AWE of whatyou have accomplished for yourself and kids. Hope that once the dust settles and you're a real estate mogul you are able to find TRUE LOVE in your life to cap off all the other great achievements.

This really is an inspiring story. Every step of your path. Bravo and many hugs to you! MM


advisor4qb profile image

advisor4qb 7 years ago from On New Footing Author

Thank you, wesleycox and Mighty Mom, your words brought tears to my eyes!


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 7 years ago from Upstate New York

I'm also proud of you for doing the right thing, like Wesley. The kids are better off, even if you had to take a little chance on yourself financially. I'm glad you pulled through, came out the other side, and now are in the winner's circle. Congratulations, my friend.


advisor4qb profile image

advisor4qb 7 years ago from On New Footing Author

Thanks. Now that we are apart, and he is so mean to me and acts like he doesn't care, it's like a daily reassurance that I did the right thing!


Kulsum Mehmood profile image

Kulsum Mehmood 7 years ago from Nagpur, India

I too am proud of you dear. Keep your courage live and I Wish the Very Best in Life to you.


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 7 years ago from Chicago

I love that Lisa Iris art!

Congratulations!!! What great news. I know you have struggled mightily. You are a success. I am so pleased to read this news. :D


advisor4qb profile image

advisor4qb 7 years ago from On New Footing Author

Thanks, Kulsum!


advisor4qb profile image

advisor4qb 7 years ago from On New Footing Author

Hi James! Thanks for reading! Yes, it was definitely a struggle. But I made it!

PS I LOVE HER ART, TOO!


loua profile image

loua 6 years ago from Elsewhere, visiting Earth ~ the segregated community planet

Quite an expression of manifest destiny...

Experience is the design of life without which there is no pattern...

The story makes for a great motivational tool on how to be focused an undaunted by the gauntlet life throws at us...


advisor4qb profile image

advisor4qb 6 years ago from On New Footing Author

Thank you so much for reading. "Undaunted by the gauntlet life throws at us..." I love the way you worded that.

Sometimes it seems as though it is solely an uphill battle. But then that is how I know it has been that I am thinking upstream and my destiny is manifesting in contrast to what I want.

I love the way Esther Hicks explains it through Abraham. It has been that I was always trying to swim like the salmon, upstream, and bringing all of these things that I did not want into my life. I was trying to force things and bend people to my will. Then, when I thought I had what I wanted, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Unfortunately, the same applied to people who thought they wanted me.

Now, I simply outline what I want in my life. Sometimes I put it into writing. Sometimes I just speak it (there is a great deal of power in the spoken word) or visualize what I want to happen. I don't focus on what means it will come to me by, but I focus on the thing I want to happen. It doesn't always happen the way I want to have it happen or in the way I expect it to happen. But it happens.


Shirley Pisa 6 years ago

Congratulation. You are a success story. It is good that you shared your story. It is going to be an inspiration to may women who is the position where you were before.

Wishing best things for you.


advisor4qb profile image

advisor4qb 6 years ago from On New Footing Author

Thanks! Glad you dropped in!

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