Dates That Don't Turn Out as Planned
Men Who Like Women
What's the worst date you can remember? For me, a number of them come to mind. I dated one guy who, it turned out, wasn't into women at all. When I was single, finding someone who liked girls was a real plus.
You Should Be Dancing
Coworkers and Duties
I was freshly free from a disastrous relationship with a musician who had more than his share of bad habits. After a couple of crazy years trying to make it work, I pulled up stakes and started over in a town where I had lived years earlier. A good friend introduced me to the manager at the salon where she worked as receptionist, a friendly, married guy who hired me on the spot.
Working as receptionist I met a guy who seemed pretty normal, that was, in comparison to some who worked there. He was a hair stylist and straight, which automatically put him into a category of contenders.
There was a nearby disco lounge where the stylists liked to hang out after work. It featured live music seven nights a week; a great place for disco dancing. At the end of my shift after the salon closed, I took the bank deposit to the night drop which conveniently took me right by the place where I often joined my coworkers.
Pulp Fiction Dance Scene
Brunch at the Lake
Wayne and I shared a table with our coworkers and after a few dances, he seemed like a fun sort of guy. At the end of the night, he invited me to his house for brunch the next day where he promised to show me around the beautiful lake where he lived. He failed to mention that he lived in a nudist colony.
My first clue was when we stopped at the entrance gate to the property. I tried to avert my eyes from the guy who raised the crossing gate at the entry wearing only a hat. He was no youngster and not in the best of physical shape with a hairy paunch of a stomach. It wasn't the most pleasant visual attraction, let me confide. As I grew more nervous, my date assured me I wasn't required to take off my clothes, for which I was truly grateful.
While my date cooked eggs and bacon in his lovely mobile home, I heard the roar of a lawn mower and I ventured a quick peek out of the window. The guy mowing the lawn had on nothing more than tennis shoes. My thoughts strayed to the danger of dangling appendages and flying objects.
Believe me, I couldn't wait for that date to be over. I spent the entire morning wishing that I had driven my own car. That was our first and only date.
Haven in the Woods
Surprise, surprise, surprise..."— Gomer Pyle
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Dinner and a Movie
Up until that point my worst date was in high school when my parents introduced me to the neighbor, a guy more than twenty years older than me. He asked their permission to ask me out on a date. The big surprise was that they encouraged and allowed me to go out with this guy.
We went to see the movie, "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" after a nice dinner at a seafood restaurant. That was when I first discovered my allergy to scallops. On the ride home in his '65 GTO, my stomach started to churn and I began to feel nauseated. I was too embarrassed to ask him to stop, so I rolled down the window and tossed my cookies out of a moving car. You can imagine the results. And, no, we never went out again.
Things That Come Out in the Night
Assorted Brutes and Cads
There was one dinner date that I'll never forget which involved a brute who didn't take no for an answer when he decided to serve me dessert. Actually, there were several like that but none that I'll describe here. Suffice it to say, these were valuable learning experiences during which I decided that a Karate class might be of considerable value.
There was one fellow who decided that he would jog to my house and pick me up for our date. He arrived out of breath and sweaty insisting that I could drive us to the movie theater in my car. Still in my teens, I was foolish enough to agree. We saw the movie, "Wild in the Streets", a cult flick where anyone over the age of thirty was not to be trusted. That was our first and last date as well, but not because of the movie. He only wanted to date me to make another girl jealous.
Oh, the itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout...
After my ex closed our business and moved away to another life with another wife, I started dating one of our former employees with whom I'd become friends. Having married as a teenager, this was among my first ventures into the world of dating for nearly five years. The guy was, let's say, several years younger than me, full of life and vigor. His blond hair and blue-eyes were matched with the sweetest smile I'd seen in a long time.
He arranged to pick me up for our third date after we both got off work one Friday. When he arrived at the house, he was wearing a soiled shirt emblazoned with the Texaco logo from his new job at the gas station. He promptly let me know he had been too busy chugging a dozen beers to change clothes before driving over.
Sensing his state of intoxication, we took my car and I drove to the restaurant where I had also started a new job. At this fancy and expensive restaurant, my date's booming voice and erratic behavior served to embarrass me in front of my new coworkers and even my boss who came to our table during the course of our meal.
This was the end of the line for that guy, too.
Deceptions and Jocks
There were a series of other less than adequate would-be partners over the years. One contender for the worst date ever was a guy who took me on a date to the Twenty-four Hours of Sebring race in Florida. I grew to remember it as the twenty-four days of Sebring.
Following a four hour drive to the event, we found a campsite with a group of his friends and there we camped for three day event of time trials and race car preparation before the race began. The only bathroom was a port-a-potty, a stinking plastic box with a waiting line that seemed miles long.
When the race finally ended, we began the journey towards what I envisioned as a refreshing and much needed shower. Instead, my date drove us directly to a soccer field where he joined his team mates as their captain. Apparently there wasn't time to take me home first or he would miss running around for ninety minutes with other sweaty guys. You would think I had enough of him, but no, I gave it a while longer. It wasn't long before I discovered that he never filed for divorce as he told me. Liar, liar, well, you know about the pants on fire. That was the straw for him.
"I have had enough of YOU!"
The Other Woman
There was a time when revenge seemed the best choice for one guy. That was when I found out he was dating another woman and telling us both he broke up with the other one. With her help we pulled a fast one on him.
One Friday night when we were scheduled for a date, I invited his other girlfriend to come to my house. She arrived well before he was supposed to get there and hid in the back bedroom until just the right moment. When he started in with a string of lies, she made a grand entry into the living room and we confronted him together. You should have seen the fireworks. Yes, it was fun, as well as a bit sad. That wasn't the end of him, unfortunately.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.— Klingon Proverb
First dates can be really rewarding or they can turn into disaster. What I learned in nine years of being single was to be on guard for any sign of trouble. Sometimes in the most innocent circumstances we find ourselves vulnerable to the psychotic or the would-be masher. Like a good Boy Scout, we must truly be prepared for anything.
© 2015 Peg Cole
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