Advice on Dating - Does she like me? Approaching Women

Tips and Techniques for Guys on How to Approach Women

This is every guys nightmare: You spy a beautiful woman you'd love to meet, so you nervously work up the courage to go talk to her. You swagger over, doing your best to look calm and collected, but before you know it, she's already rejected you. You didn't even have a chance to use one of those well-thought-of pickup lines you've been waiting to use.

It's just not right. In fact, it's just plain immoral.

Now you're left standing there feeling like a fool. So what went wrong? Why do I have so many problems meeting women?

A lot of times, the rejection had nothing to do with you. You might not even consider it as being rejected. Maybe she already has a boyfriend, maybe she was just having a bad night, or maybe she's lesbian. It doesn't matter, it had nothing to do with you.

Still, there are those times when you know that it was you. Maybe you've always had a hard time approaching women, or maybe you have no problems with it, but just want to improve things a little. Men are always looking for ways to be more successful with women. This article will explain the basics of meeting women and securing that highly sought after first date.


Advice on Dating: Approaching Women
Advice on Dating: Approaching Women

Aside: Building Confidence

Before you can successfully approach women, work on your confidence. Everything in our lives is affected by confidence.

In order to build confidence, you must force yourself into situations where your confidence can be improved. There is no easy magic formula for this, it's simply something that you have to do. Make it a goal that you have to talk to one girl every day, no matter if you're interested in her or not. The more you do this, the easier it will become. Pay attention to what works, and learn about the things that interest women. Soon enough, you'll realize how easy it is to talk to women.

Once you've learned this, then make your goal a little more difficult. Instead of just talking to a girl, try to make the girl laugh. Again, tease her. Keep doing this until you find out what works. Everytime someone responds positively to you, it will help increase your self-confidence.

Doing this isn't easy. It will take time. Sometimes, a lot of time, but it's worth it. It's up to you to take control of your life, so set your goals and go after it.

Advice on Dating: The Five Rules of Approaching Women

  • Women are drawn to men with confidence. Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives. Without confidence, you won't get the job, you'll never try new things, and you definitely won't get the girl. For a moment, try to think like a woman. Would you be interested in a guy that was quiet and shy, almost intimidated by you, or would you be interested in someone who made you laugh, and who made you feel good about yourself? Chances are, she's going to be attracted to the person who makes her laugh.
  • Forget about flirting. That's right, forget about flirting. In other words, flirt, but don't consciously think about it. The reason that most people get nervous about approaching women is because they tend to over-analyze things. When you start to think about how beautiful she is, or what words you're going to use to "make" her like you, then you've already lost half the battle. Instead of thinking about flirting, just do it. Once you start to gain confidence in yourself then the flirting will become natural. Approach the woman as if all you wanted from her is friendship. Focus on getting to know her, making her smile, making her laugh, teasing her.. These are the things that build attraction. Again, forget about flirting and let things happen naturally.
  • Have a good sense of humor. There are two main things that women are attracted to: Confidence and a good sense of humor. Once more, before you try to approach women, stop and look at things from her point of view. If someone walked up to you and started a conversation, but the conversation on their side was dry and boring, would you really want to hang around? Chances are, no. You'd be out of there like the Pope at an Eminem concert. Remember, you're out to have fun, so have fun with things.
  • Tease her. This is the one piece of advice on dating that you absolutely must understand.  Things really haven't changed that much since we were kids. Remember cooties? Chasing girls around the playground? This really isn't much different, it's just playing at an adult level. Don't ever be afraid to tease a girl a little. Poke fun at her, but not so much that you turn her off. Before you try this on some cute girl that you're attracted to, practice first. No matter where you are, tease every woman you encounter. Try to make them laugh. While you do this, take note of what works for you and what doesn't. The more you do this, the more comfortable you'll be with it. This is also a great confidence builder.
  • Above and beyond everything else, Always be yourself. Sure, it sounds cliche, but who else would you be? There are thousands of tips and techniques for approaching women, but they are all meaningless if you don't use them in a way that is uniquely you. Think about this, after you meet the girl and start going out on regular dates with her, are you really going to be able to keep pretending to be someone you're not? Learn what you can and use what you've learned to build upon who you are.

Approaching women is easier than one might think. As with all things, the more you put yourself out there, the easier it'll be. Everything really comes down to attitude. Charles Swindoll once said, "I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ..." There's strong truth in that statement. Remember that, for the most part, women are just as nervous as you when it comes to meeting men - they're just better at hiding it.

There are no rules for dating.  There's no set formula that will ever provide you with a guarenteed way to meet women. Nobody can tell you specifically how to pick up a girl, what to say, or what to do.  That's all you. Simply put, take control of your life, live it, and love will find you.

As always, I wish you the best.

As a personal aside, I thought I would include the before-mentioned quote here in its entirety. This quote helped me to change my life, and realize that life isn't always as serious as we make it out to be.  For all of the advice on dating that one may find, nothing will ever help you approach women until you have taken control of your own life first.  Read this quote, study it, understand it, live it.. once you do, you may very well see a major change in your life.


Attitude

by Charles Swindoll

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

"Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.

"The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

"The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."

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Comments 7 comments

classicalgeek profile image

classicalgeek 6 years ago

I am a geek, after all, but I like the shy guys. And if a woman is rude enough to treat you with disrespect when you approach her with respect, she's probably not good enough for you.


LSpel profile image

LSpel 6 years ago from The Murder Mitten

Although I don't personally need help attracting woman (haha) this was a great article! Very true as well. A lot of men do ruin their chances by standing there unable to speak. Confidence is the best quality a man can have, and a sense a humor falls shortly after that.


Urbane Chaos profile image

Urbane Chaos 6 years ago from Wister, Oklahoma Author

LSpel, I hope ya don't need help with attracting women, that may be a little weird...but then again - we won't go there.

I believe that confidence is the key to life. Without it, nothing can happen - and it's so easy to learn how to gain confidence. And yes, a good sense of humor is good as well, unless you're a millionaire.


Jean Bakula 5 years ago

I haven't been in the dating world for a long time, but my friends that have like a man who just begins a reasonably intelligent conversation. So many guys flirt and use the same old pickup lines. And you already have a good sense of humor. Woman are pretty aggressive too, so if you are being polite and she's rude to you, she isn't worth your time.


mbsunlimited profile image

mbsunlimited 4 years ago from Trenton,NJ

I like the tips on the right attitude. With the right attitude you can find success in anything,especially meeting women.


Elizabeth 2 years ago

The confidence thing isn't always true. Sure, a guy who's clearly confident with himself does make you want talk to him, but, unfortunately, a lot of the confident guys are jerks, and are rude, obnoxious, and self-centered.

Also, the two most important qualities that girls look for in a guy- whether just as a date or as a boyfriend- is whether or not he's friendly, and if we ladies feel we can be ourselves around him, because let me tell you that we girls have WAY more self-confidence issues, no matter how effortless we seem. ;)

Beyond that, this is really good advice. And don't worry guys, just go talk to the pretty girl, if she's immature and rejects you right away, forget about her. A girl worth your time will realize that you're human and you're nervous, just like she is.

Yes, the girls might initially flock to the super-confident guy who's naturally good with the ladies, but really, we're not looking for a perfect guy, we're looking for a guy who is nice, likes to have fun, and is going to make us happy. :) hope this helps gents!


Urbane Chaos profile image

Urbane Chaos 2 years ago from Wister, Oklahoma Author

Elizabeth, well said. The biggest thing is to be who you are, not try to pretend to be someone you're not. When you do that then the attraction isn't true, but based on a lie.

But still, you misunderstand what I say about confidence. Confidence does not equal cocky, nor arrogant, nor any of the above.

Confidence is all about knowing who you are and accepting who you are. If I was a chick and met an over-cocky bastard, I wouldn't give him the time of day. But, if I met a guy that at least partially knew where he was going in life, or was a complete wuss but still knew himself, then sure, I'd give it a go. Even those star-wars freaks - yeah, you know the type - they may be a bit off their rockers but hell, they still have confidence in who they are.

But, say you meet a dude that still loves at home and has no plans for the future other than playing video games, well, that's a different story. It's clear that that guy has no confidence in himself or in the direction he wants to take.

It's not all about being cocky, or funny, or good looking - it's about being who you are and being PROUD of who you are. That's confidence.

Don't be afraid to step out and be yourself. Chicks get that, they want someone who isn't afraid of their own shadow. The trick is to get out in the world and live; be who you are and be confident in who you are.

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