What You Must Know Before Dating An Older Man

Hollywood's unsuccessful love story

George Clooney with his younger girlfriend Stacy Keilber
George Clooney with his younger girlfriend Stacy Keilber | Source

Why Women Choose Older Men?

We all remember 27-year old Ashley Olsen who was in news for reportedly dating 47-year-old Bennett Miller - director of Moneyball.

And before we all get sexist, yes, I know younger men too date older women. Kyle Jones, a 31-year-old Pittsburgh guy, was in news for having a relationship with 91-year-old great grandmother - Marjorie McCool.

So I am not getting into a sexist view here. But this article is about younger women falling in love with older men.

And I don't mean a few years older. Traditionally, it has not just been customary but also advisable for girls to marry men who were a few years older - maybe two to five years older. There are biological as well as psychological reasons for marrying older men.

Biological - 1. Girls enter puberty sooner. 2. Girls' bodies get ready to have children sooner. 3. Girls' bodies remain fertile for a limited period.

Psychological - Girls mature emotionally sooner than men.

In fact, statistics prove that on an average, American men marry younger women. In a study by Thomas V. Pollet, Sophia E. Pratt, Gracia Edwards and Gert Stulp, it is revealed that married women were 4.1 years younger than married men in the United States.

So I am not talking about a minor age gap between partners in marriage. I am referring to a much wider age gap in relationships.

How big an age gap?

See this - successful men featured on the Forbes list married women 7 years younger, according to the same study. In fact, the numbers get more interesting. When these super-rich men remarried, their subsequent partner was substantially younger, 22-years younger on average.

That's the kind of age difference in marriage I am talking about.

So why do girls date older men?

Material benefits seems to be the obvious answer and I will get it out of the way straightaway.

Yes, money matters. Girls get a head-start by marrying older men, as it affords them a similar or better lifestyle that they were used to while living with parents. After all, girls' parents would have secured a commendable standard of living in their middle age, and the girl would like to ensure that she gets similar comforts when she marries.

If she were to marry a man same age or slightly younger, they both would be starting out together, and would lead a life of struggle initially - at least before they are able to plant their feet firmly in their respective careers.

So, having an affair with an older man secures the girl financially straightaway.

Now that we have talked dirty (about money), let's get deeper into the reasons why girls marry older men.

There are complex psychological reasons. As they say, a girl marries a guy that reminds her of her father. Girls are used to be protected and cared for by their father. Such caring and loving attitude is usually found in older men. Men her age typically (though not necessarily) are as mature or even less mature than the girl, and are not yet ready to take the responsibility of a partner.

Another psychological reason is social acceptance. Girls want to grow up fast, and they feel all grown up with an older man who socializes with similar-age-group friends.

Finally, it is easier for younger girls to relate with older men. In their early twenties, young girls are still trying to come to terms with their identity. They are still dealing with their emotions. They need a strong anchor, and older men provide that emotional stability.

Dating Online Exposes Younger Women To Older Men

Source

Why The Trend

It is becoming a trend that young girls are marrying or getting into a relationship with older and/or richer men, because of dating websites.

Many online dating sites have made things easier for women to find men of all varieties - single men, divorced men, rich men, and even married men. In fact, many dating sites are full of profiles of married men pretending to be single or divorced. Likewise, many wives or married women are seeking love on these websites.

Because such websites attract more men than women, there's always high demand for women to join these dating sites, especially for young women to date.

These websites are keen to attract such women looking for men, and in their effort, many dating sites offer free registration.

Most of these sites are very discreet too, and do not reveal the identity of the women at the beginning.

Abundance of such websites has made it easier for young girls to find rich and, often, older men to date and have fun.

What You Must Know Before Dating Older Men

Girls must consider a few things before marrying an older man or even getting into a relationship with an older man.

1. Physical differences: The level of physical vigour that an older man will have will be different from a young woman.

2. Emotional differences: simply by being in a different stage of life, the emotional needs of an older man are very different.

3. Social differences: The social circles - including family and friends throw up its own challenges.

Because of this, I believe it is a bad idea for young girls to fall in love with older men.


Why it's a Bad Idea To Date Older Men

Finally, let's get into some of the trouble areas that a couple may face when the guy is much older.

To get an idea of possible challenges of living with an older man, you only have to read the experiences of women who have married old men. The tragic stories are all over the internet.

So, I will be very blunt in my list below.

1. If you are having an affair with a man who is way too old for you, physical compatibility could be an issue. You will be in the healthy years of your life. While you will be spending hours in the hospital with your old man's sickness, your friends will be sharing stories about their baby-showers and their children's sports activities.

2. If he is married, then you will be his second choice. His wife and his children will always be his priority. Which is why he is still married and you are his mistress.

3. If he can cheat on his wife for you, he would be cheating on you with even younger girl.

4. If you wish to start a family, there are emotional and physical barriers. An older man's sperm usually cannot produce healthy babies. Physically he may not be able to do all the activities with your child that are expected of a father. Emotionally, he may not be ready to create competition for his children from the first marriage.

Hollywood's odd-age couples

Cary Grant paired with much younger Audrey Hepburn in Charade 2
Cary Grant paired with much younger Audrey Hepburn in Charade 2 | Source

Will You Date An Older Man?

If given a choice, would you like to have an affair with an older man?

See results without voting

How To Make the Relationship With Older Man Work

The advantage and benefits of dating an older man are very few, and most fathers would have a hard time if their daughters begin to go out with older men.

To be fair, there are couples who have successfully lived together despite age gap.

Three Cs: Here are some of the tips to make your marriage work:

1. Communicate: This is the number one game-changer in all relationships and applies particularly well to older men. Despite all differences, it is the willingness to communicate that keeps the flame burning bright. Talk to him, listen to him, share ideas. Talk about things you like and dislike. Talk about your future plans. That's one good thing about marrying an older man - he listens better than a young man. Read a lot so that you can discuss politics, entertainment and sports. Yes, that's my next point.

2. Common interests: You must develop interest to watch sport with him, if that's what he likes. I know it's a stereotype that men like sports. Most do. But whatever it is that he likes, develop an interest. Also, get him interested in doing things you love to do. Doing things together improves communication - my previous point. But my next point is going to contradict with this.

3. Comfortable space: Yes, you should find things to do together. But also give space so that each of you could do things on your own that the other doesn't like. There's no point trying to force your man to go shopping with you, for example. Let him catch up with a buddy over a beer while you go and spend his money. You will need to find a good balance between doing things together.

Laura shares good tips

What Do You Think

IN SUMMARY:

  1. Women marry older men for financial, psychological and social needs.
  2. There are many pitfalls to watch out for when dating an older man.
  3. Overall, it's not a good idea to marry someone who is much older, but you can make things work following tips mentioned in this article.

What do you think? Do you have a first-hand experience of being in a relationship with an older man? Or do you know someone who does?

Share your thoughts in the comments section below.

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19 comments

Mini Em 2 years ago

The article is so helpful. Yet, the decision of marrying a 24 years older man is suffocating me! I can't imagine myself getting married of a 51 yrs man while I'm still 26!!!! In my society, divorced women doesn't have a variety of options; like me. Getting divorced in a young age made life harder; I stopped dating, I refused socializing, until I realized that I have been living in a cocoon that I have created. I am a mess right now. Marriages are fixed in my society. I was once fooled and married a man I never knew before (because this is how things are here) but I had a say in this marriage ( Thank God). Yet, I were meant to marry him for a reason; lesson learned. Thinking of starting the whole process all over again, is hard to think of. Again, thank for the points u mentioned, really really helpful!


Rebecca T 2 years ago

I got married young to the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We were both 21 and had been together for five years. After just over two years of marriage he out of the blue decided I was no longer the one for him. I was devastated. I work long hours and away from home a lot which was his reason for leaving. Fortunately we didn't have children and I have my own career. Not long after we separated a man I work with "John" was very kind to me. We had worked together for three years and although I always found him attractive I had never considered him. One night when we both got off early we decided to meet up. Everything was effortless the conversation never stalled, I never felt uncomfortable. Quite the opposite, I felt exhilarated. Not long after we began seeing each other physically. The sex was the best I've ever experienced. I've never felt love like I do with John. Unfortunately he's 20 years older then I am and stuck in an unhappy marriage. I feel terrible sleeping with a married man, but I suppose you can't help who you fall in love with. I don't think age should be a barrier unless you're looking for the wrong things out of a relationship. If you want an older man because he make your whole and happy go for it. If it's for his money you should reevaluate your priorities.


Jess 24 months ago

I have been in a relationship with a man 25 years my senior. As someone who has had her fair share of terrible exes, I was amazed how infatuated I was with him at first. Everything just seemed to click. Now we have a home, a family, and my parents love him, too (although he's old enough to be my father). Years later, I can say it was the best decision of my life. But please make that decision with your heart, not your wallet.


23 months ago

My fiancé is 15 years older than me (I'm 20, he is 35) and none of the issues you put in the "cons" list apply to us. We seem to match in ever way, even physically. He's still plenty young enough to have children, he has a good job, and he's never been married. he's had his fair share of long term relationships, though, so I'm lucky to be with someone who knows what they're doing in a relationship and can recognize why his others failed. Even after meeting online in a video game, crossing literally the entire world, and the age difference, we get on amazingly and we both feel that we're perfect for each other. We plan to marry, and begin to save up more money and have a child together. We share many of the same viewpoints and the age is really not a factor to either of us, it seems to matter more to other people actually.


Daniella 22 months ago

My husband of 7 years is 61 and I am 37, we have a healthy 5 year old boy. We give each other space and we share a lot of interests. This is truly the healthiest relationship I have ever had.


Danielle 21 months ago

I am 27 and my boyfriend is 50. I was very slow to let him in my life because I was so concerned with the age difference and the inevitable scrutiny from others. There was no denying our chemistry and once I let him in, I discovered a whole new world of love I never imagined even existed. We have been getting to know each other for a little over a year, and I have grown and become better thanks for his support. He is a kid at heart, and I have an old soul. He keeps me interested and inspired, and I hope I do the same for him. I have never developed a specific type, especially toward older men, but a lust for excitement and connection. I never expected to fall in love with a man 3 years younger than my father, but there is no going back. He listens, forgives, does not judge... all the things I have always valued. We have so much fun together, and I can't imagine ever growing bored of this one. I know he wont live forever, and I thankful each day to enjoy time with my Silver Fox ;)


Tanya 19 months ago

I am 40years old, single with no child, presently in love with a 73years old married man. Though it took me some years to give in but honestly, I don't have any regret that I did.

He said to me he has just found his soul mate. I have never experience love this way either, he appreciate everything about me.


Andi 19 months ago

I am 21 currently in love with a man 58 years my senior,he is so freakin awesome! He is so sweet ,and funny,he's simple and country, kinda like me.He calls me his kindred spirit,and we r so close .He is so beautiful.


janny 19 months ago

I am 21 years and my husband is 60 to 61 this year but he is the sweetest man i have ever seen. Sweeter than young men when it come to be bed

Young men lie a lot .but my man take me to different countries when he is at work .i love him


Janie 18 months ago

This as crap. Your 3 reasons are crap. You left out the vital one I was looking for.. you just connect and fall for him as a person. I recently got involved with a man 14 years my senior. I don't want an older man, don't want his money, don't have daddy issues, no social needs. I just feel for him, we just flow, we just think the same, its just there. While you had a few good splashes in here, intentionally or not, your article comes across extremely degrading to women. Its all about what we need or get from it.. ignoring it might just have been all love and a lot of what you claim as what the woman wants is actually not important to some of us. Don't write anymore on this, you don't know s**t.


ivan 18 months ago

Yes, really bad writing on a sensitive issue


lyoness913 profile image

lyoness913 18 months ago from Overland Park, KS

I've been married twice and both men were (are) 8 years older. My present husband is 51 and he has no libido. I think if I could have done it differently I would have chose younger, LOL! Great hub- good points. :)


lisa 18 months ago

I am 24 and my partner in life is 65. We have been together for almost 6 years and He has been a great blessing in my life. He understands me in most things, and I understand him. The most difficult thing of dating an older man is that if you ever separate and you are my age, you will not feel the same with guys your age.


Tracy 13 months ago

I am 46 my children are all adults . i am dating a 68 year young man. He is not married. I know what my future looks like. I will be there to help him to the bathroom and keep him clean because i love like that. We will all need help some day and that is a FACT


Scott 11 months ago

My fiance' is 22 yrs. my junior. I'm 54, she 32. She found and pursued me. I had an issue with the age difference at 1st, but now 6 months later, I don't even see it. She is not the 1st woman I spoke with of this age. All were from overseas, and all told me young men don't know how to treat a woman, and that is why they pursued older men. Women from overseas are taught to take care of their man, unlike American women. We have common interests, I have a young heart, she, an old soul, and we both feel we have found our soul mates. The author does bring up some valid points, but as someone earlier stated, she's not looking for me as a daddy figure, I don't have money. She wants a man to love and care for her. To provide stability and protection. It will work, but communication is the #1 thing that has to be addressed for the relationship to work.


Dee 10 months ago

You are absolutely right.


Jan 6 months ago

What many people won't tell you is that even if a man is in good physical shape, after 50, many men loose their libido since their testosterone levels drop drastically. It's the same for women after menapause.


Carmen sytes 6 months ago

I am 35 he is 80 , a very good looking 80 year old who is healthy and fit


Mat 3 weeks ago

I am 20 , dating a man 18 years my senior. I really love him and he makes me very happy. The daddy issue is true to some extent, I feel protected and safe around him. The main issue at hand is convincing him that I am totally comfortable with the age gap. We plan on moving to Asia soon but I am still fond of Africa how do I convince him to stay in Africa?

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