What You Must Know Before Dating An Older Man
Hollywood's unsuccessful love story
Why Women Choose Older Men?
We all remember 27-year old Ashley Olsen who was in news for reportedly dating 47-year-old Bennett Miller - director of Moneyball.
And before we all get sexist, yes, I know younger men too date older women. Kyle Jones, a 31-year-old Pittsburgh guy, was in news for having a relationship with 91-year-old great grandmother - Marjorie McCool.
So I am not getting into a sexist view here. But this article is about younger women falling in love with older men.
And I don't mean a few years older. Traditionally, it has not just been customary but also advisable for girls to marry men who were a few years older - maybe two to five years older. There are biological as well as psychological reasons for marrying older men.
Biological - 1. Girls enter puberty sooner. 2. Girls' bodies get ready to have children sooner. 3. Girls' bodies remain fertile for a limited period.
Psychological - Girls mature emotionally sooner than men.
In fact, statistics prove that on an average, American men marry younger women. In a study by Thomas V. Pollet, Sophia E. Pratt, Gracia Edwards and Gert Stulp, it is revealed that married women were 4.1 years younger than married men in the United States.
So I am not talking about a minor age gap between partners in marriage. I am referring to a much wider age gap in relationships.
How big an age gap?
See this - successful men featured on the Forbes list married women 7 years younger, according to the same study. In fact, the numbers get more interesting. When these super-rich men remarried, their subsequent partner was substantially younger, 22-years younger on average.
That's the kind of age difference in marriage I am talking about.
So why do girls date older men?
Material benefits seems to be the obvious answer and I will get it out of the way straightaway.
Yes, money matters. Girls get a head-start by marrying older men, as it affords them a similar or better lifestyle that they were used to while living with parents. After all, girls' parents would have secured a commendable standard of living in their middle age, and the girl would like to ensure that she gets similar comforts when she marries.
If she were to marry a man same age or slightly younger, they both would be starting out together, and would lead a life of struggle initially - at least before they are able to plant their feet firmly in their respective careers.
So, having an affair with an older man secures the girl financially straightaway.
Now that we have talked dirty (about money), let's get deeper into the reasons why girls marry older men.
There are complex psychological reasons. As they say, a girl marries a guy that reminds her of her father. Girls are used to be protected and cared for by their father. Such caring and loving attitude is usually found in older men. Men her age typically (though not necessarily) are as mature or even less mature than the girl, and are not yet ready to take the responsibility of a partner.
Another psychological reason is social acceptance. Girls want to grow up fast, and they feel all grown up with an older man who socializes with similar-age-group friends.
Finally, it is easier for younger girls to relate with older men. In their early twenties, young girls are still trying to come to terms with their identity. They are still dealing with their emotions. They need a strong anchor, and older men provide that emotional stability.
Dating Online Exposes Younger Women To Older Men
Why The Trend
It is becoming a trend that young girls are marrying or getting into a relationship with older and/or richer men, because of dating websites.
Many online dating sites have made things easier for women to find men of all varieties - single men, divorced men, rich men, and even married men. In fact, many dating sites are full of profiles of married men pretending to be single or divorced. Likewise, many wives or married women are seeking love on these websites.
Because such websites attract more men than women, there's always high demand for women to join these dating sites, especially for young women to date.
These websites are keen to attract such women looking for men, and in their effort, many dating sites offer free registration.
Most of these sites are very discreet too, and do not reveal the identity of the women at the beginning.
Abundance of such websites has made it easier for young girls to find rich and, often, older men to date and have fun.
What You Must Know Before Dating Older Men
Girls must consider a few things before marrying an older man or even getting into a relationship with an older man.
1. Physical differences: The level of physical vigour that an older man will have will be different from a young woman.
2. Emotional differences: simply by being in a different stage of life, the emotional needs of an older man are very different.
3. Social differences: The social circles - including family and friends throw up its own challenges.
Because of this, I believe it is a bad idea for young girls to fall in love with older men.
Why it's a Bad Idea To Date Older Men
Finally, let's get into some of the trouble areas that a couple may face when the guy is much older.
To get an idea of possible challenges of living with an older man, you only have to read the experiences of women who have married old men. The tragic stories are all over the internet.
So, I will be very blunt in my list below.
1. If you are having an affair with a man who is way too old for you, physical compatibility could be an issue. You will be in the healthy years of your life. While you will be spending hours in the hospital with your old man's sickness, your friends will be sharing stories about their baby-showers and their children's sports activities.
2. If he is married, then you will be his second choice. His wife and his children will always be his priority. Which is why he is still married and you are his mistress.
3. If he can cheat on his wife for you, he would be cheating on you with even younger girl.
4. If you wish to start a family, there are emotional and physical barriers. An older man's sperm usually cannot produce healthy babies. Physically he may not be able to do all the activities with your child that are expected of a father. Emotionally, he may not be ready to create competition for his children from the first marriage.
Hollywood's odd-age couples
Will You Date An Older Man?
If given a choice, would you like to have an affair with an older man?See results without voting
How To Make the Relationship With Older Man Work
The advantage and benefits of dating an older man are very few, and most fathers would have a hard time if their daughters begin to go out with older men.
To be fair, there are couples who have successfully lived together despite age gap.
Three Cs: Here are some of the tips to make your marriage work:
1. Communicate: This is the number one game-changer in all relationships and applies particularly well to older men. Despite all differences, it is the willingness to communicate that keeps the flame burning bright. Talk to him, listen to him, share ideas. Talk about things you like and dislike. Talk about your future plans. That's one good thing about marrying an older man - he listens better than a young man. Read a lot so that you can discuss politics, entertainment and sports. Yes, that's my next point.
2. Common interests: You must develop interest to watch sport with him, if that's what he likes. I know it's a stereotype that men like sports. Most do. But whatever it is that he likes, develop an interest. Also, get him interested in doing things you love to do. Doing things together improves communication - my previous point. But my next point is going to contradict with this.
3. Comfortable space: Yes, you should find things to do together. But also give space so that each of you could do things on your own that the other doesn't like. There's no point trying to force your man to go shopping with you, for example. Let him catch up with a buddy over a beer while you go and spend his money. You will need to find a good balance between doing things together.
Laura shares good tips
What Do You Think
- Women marry older men for financial, psychological and social needs.
- There are many pitfalls to watch out for when dating an older man.
- Overall, it's not a good idea to marry someone who is much older, but you can make things work following tips mentioned in this article.
What do you think? Do you have a first-hand experience of being in a relationship with an older man? Or do you know someone who does?
Share your thoughts in the comments section below.
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