Dating Horror Story Chronicles, Part 2: 15 Women You Should Avoid

As I meander down the treacherous corridors of dating, I am motivated to create a shield for readers to protect themselves against future relationship harm. Since I just covered the bases for types of men women should avoid, I figured it would only be fair to do the same for our male counterparts.

Which of you men has not wondered what women you should avoid at the first clue?

Well, here I am to guide you through the frightening maze of prospective women out there. So with the copious knowledge I've acquired about women to avoid-- both from my own observation and studying the rantings of men-- I give you my top 15 list of "women to avoid".... not to be read in the presence of underage children.

1. High- Maintenance Mama. Think of Maria Carey or Cher. Not just the fake nails, the professional hairstyles and the designer water for the work trailer. These women are more concerned with appearances (their own) than anything else. Unless you're looking for a "trophy wife" and don't mind investing in the young blood, skip the divas during the concert tour.
2. The Desperado. She will be hanging by the phone waiting for your call, text, or email. She has no real life, so your interaction is what her whole world depends on. Consider her like a ball and chain. And yes, she will weigh you down.
3. The Manipulator/Gold-Digger. Some women just look for men for attention, affection, gifts or favors. Then there are those women who base their lives on marrying up. Meaning, they're looking for a meal ticket to escape from the reality of being independent (and paying their own way in life). This will work if you're looking for a woman to keep at home and look good through her personal trainer. The same guy who might be doing her while you earn the money to provide for her.
4. Miss Cry-Baby/Emotionally Unstable. This woman will cry from scraping her knee, breaking a nail or missing an episode of her favorite drama. Either way, she has issues and it won't take much to set the water-works in motion. You will also feel a sense of fatigue trying to figure out what you did wrong, how you can fix her, or just keep treading on eggshells. She's no fun when you come right down to it.
5. Insecure Betty. That's the type of woman who will ask you the unthinkable questions like, "do these jeans make me look fat?" Really? Yes, you look like a blimp, since you asked. And while I'm at it, your insecurity looks really ugly, too. Skip her.
6. Talk Radio. Yes, we all know that women like to talk. But it can get tiresome after a while when you realize that the listening is one-sided and you're always ears. If a woman can't spill the beans to her BFF and leave your ears in peace, you might want to move on.
7. The Drama Queen. You know her by her many appearances on Jerry Springer. She steals the show with her constant dilemmas, ranging from the lack of Pork and Beans in the pantry to why her sister is sleeping with her dog. Some women just have an "issue cloud" following them around. Once you see it, run to dry ground!
8. The Princess. She was raised on Disney princesses and believes whole-heartedly in fairy tales. If you burst her bubble before the last petal falls on the rose in the glass of the Beast's castle, you will have Ursula to pay! By the way, she is possibly the hardest type of woman to please because if you don't measure up to her "Prince Charming" expectations, you will face the wrath of her pet dragon.
9. Miss Independent. Sure, you guys like a woman who has her sh*t together, can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, but she forgets you're a man... all the time. She's so bent on looking for her equal (although he would have to be Superman), that she judges you like Simon on American Idol if you don't measure up. If she has no room in her structured life for a guy who's slightly flawed, you might want to set her off on her career ship of fools.
10. Debbie Downer. No matter how hard you try, some women are just happier playing the victim card than accepting your love. Don't waste your time with a woman who constantly complains about why her friends dis her, her coworkers hate her, your friends don't like her, the sun doesn't shine over her head and there's a run in her pantyhose.
11. The She-man. She may look like a woman but when you spend some time with her, you start to feel like her b**ch. She'll take over with date planning, tell you how to fix the plumbing and will come after you like a b**ch in heat. Leave the testosterone for other men and go for the woman who gives off her feminine vibe. Otherwise, you may end up in a study for ED or penis replacement.
12. The Agenda Specialist. This woman is keeping tabs on her ovaries and is looking for the right candidate to step into her game plan. She has a calendar of events that include marriage, kids (and how many, and when), her excursions, white picket fence and retirement locations picked out. You may like her organization skills (initially) but it will wear thin if you suggest an alternate to her plans.
13. The Hoarder/Lazy Woman. There are women who procrastinate, are lazy or can't let go of junk even when it affects their health. Some women are all of the above. This type may start out as a woman who starts packing on pounds over the years (lazy about fitness) and will eventually let it spill into their home environment (hoarding). If you walk into a woman's place and there's piles of dishes in the sink, piles of boxes in the living room and no clean spot to sit down on, RUN!
14. Telepathic Channeling Expert. I'm sorry it's the truth, but some women choose to avoid confrontation and hope that their telepathic communication skills will be enough. Meaning, they want you to read their minds and know what's bothering them without the need to open their mouths and tell you. Then they get upset when you don't speak their silent language. Skip the fortune-telling women.
15. Trapper-Keepers. These are an embarrassment to good women everywhere, but they exist: Women who use unplanned pregnancy to "trap" men. It's another version of gold-diggers (#3), but still naive on all counts. They don't have any other redeeming qualities to keep a man around so they resort to faking birth control to trap a man into vowing marriage. It doesn't guarantee a man's proposal, but these insecure women will settle for life-long child support payments. Pathetic at best.

Are there any other types of women you've learned to avoid? As a bonus, I'll add "Miss Frigid." As much as men love sex, a woman who abstains unusually too much is like road kill to relationships. FYI: the sex will NOT improve once you get married!

As a woman who has served her due time trying to please a narcissist, I understand how frustrating it is for men to deal with the above 15 traits. For a ray of hope, I'll let you know that there are GOOD women out there. I'm one of them. I know dozens of others-- many of them are single!

Give women a chance (even the ones you might have overlooked, like single moms) and you might just find the right one you've always hoped for. Good luck in the game of love and stay clear of the problem-women forest.