Dating Over 40
On Line Dating
Having friends who are over 40, single or divorced the trend is non-commital. Recently after spending countless hours of discussing the on-line dating scene I have came to the conclusion that there are many single people out there who create a profile looking for love , provide there interests, hobbies and life but when they meet up the stories completely change.
I went on a journey with a couple of my single over forty friends, tagging along as they met these potential men in a neutral location. The men of course did not realize that they had a friend that was sitting directly across from them, watching there every move. In hand I had a copy of the picture, and what they had stated on there profile. One gentleman I will call Steve noted that he was 6'2" lean mean hard machine. Steve recognized Linda but Linda certainly did not recognize Steve nor did I. This 6'2" lean mean hard machine was a 5'7" overweight balding middle aged man. He claimed he was an engineer, only to find that he was a car salesman. Linda is 5'10" and curvy I am not saying there was anything wrong with Steve as a person as they both ended up having a really good time but why would a man have to lie on his profile to meet a woman? They ended up dating a couple of times after that but she could not get past his misleading information needless to say it ended quite quickly.
The second journey I went on was with my friend Maria she had been married over 20 years and figured that on-line dating was the way to go. She enrolled on eharmony.com as the commercial says they will find the perfect match. She began to fill out the questionnaire and at the end it told her that there wasn't anyone in the database that would match what she was looking for. Maria had been looking for sometone with a sense of humor, college educated , with or without children made no difference to her after all she had 3 grown children of her own. Was that a lot to ask for? She proceeded onto a free on-line dating service and started to chat with several different potential men. One gentleman caught her eye,we will call him Glen. We took separate cars and met Glen in a neutral territory who explained on his profile that he was a well-known surgeon, his name to me sounded familiar but his height and weight did not match the well known surgeon I had dealt with. Glen claimed he was 6'4" a little on the heavy side, non-drinker who love listening to oldies. The surgeon I knew was 6'1" and was well-built not heavy, not lean. I again had picture in hand, profile information and proceeded to take notes even involving myself in conversation with both of them just like a stranger would. Glen was 5'10" , receding hair line, and had a missing tooth which he claimed , he had an appointment with the dentist the following day. Being a stranger in the converstaion I asked Glen where his residency was, how long had he been a surgeon, what primary hospitals did he practice in, he was baffled. He ended up being a construction worker who's dream was to become a surgeon but never achieved his goal, needless to say this did not work either especially after finding out that he was still married and was not in anyway getting a divorce. He was looking for a little action as he put it when he e-mailed Maria. Why lie?
What is it that men are really looking for when they are on-line dating? This is the question asked by my single Divorced friends. Why is it so hard to commit after 40? Are there any men out there who are actually looking for a long-term relationship?
Having this discussion with Maria and Linda I also realize that women as well play the same game , what is the purpose behind all of the lines and lies? What is the fear? Being married I do not have any idea what could lie ahead in the coming years but I certainly hope that I am still married , if the games that people play in the dating pool over 40 is like this, I simply would not want any part of it. There are other ways to please ourselves besides going through the pain of picking through the cherries, only to find the pits.
If you are single tell the truth my perception is it may be easier to find someone and they will accept you as you are, then to find out later on a date that it isn't what you are looking for.
If you find someone who lied about there size, height, looks meet them and be cordial simply tell them it wasn't what you were looking for, don't disappear into the darkness be a man or woman about it, they are on the same journey you are.
Provide a current picture not one from High School we all change through the years and you certainly do not want he/she to be shocked when they meet you.
I hope that my divorced friends find someone that is compatible and equal to what they are looking for , maybe they should go back to the old-fashioned meeting someone in church, grocery store, library or any other public place at least there you can see them face to face without lying on a profile.
copyright © 2009
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