Dating Tips - Best Ways to Meet Compatible People

 

My single friends whine and moan about not finding good people to date. They try singles bars, online dating, personals, and even dating services. They complain that though they can meet good lookers, these one-shots aren't compatible, don't share the same interests, or are dull as rocks. And the complaints are the same whether the dates are men or women, gay or straight, college students or senior citizens..

If you're in the same boat as my friends, listen up because you can jump ship with a few simple steps.

 

1. Make a list of what you want in a date.

Most folks start off with physical traits: height, weight, hair color, physique, which is fine. But concentrate on intangibles: character, personality, hobbies and interests, etc. Write as many of these down as you can.

2. Cross off the physical.

Of course, physical is important. Who wants to be stuck dating a dog? But the physical stuff's obvious and easy-to-see, so you know right away if someone meets those requirements. And the physical only gets you as far as your date opening his or her mouth. Then you actually have to find something to talk about.

3. Arrange what's left in order of importance.

The stuff you don't obviously see usually makes or breaks a date: personality, inner character, interests. Hopefully, you have a few of these on your list. Arrange those in order of importance. Remember that you're just looking for a good date right, and not eternal happiness (though one can lead to the other). So right now, can pay for dinner is a more important quality than owns a single-family home.

4. Turn your general list into specifics.

This is probably the hardest though most fun part of the process. You want to break your general requirements into something that's specific and easy-to-observe. In other words, what things does a person say or do to show he has a trait on your list.

For example, let's say funny is at the top of your list. How do you know that a person is funny?

  • Does she laugh at everything you say?
  • Does he tell jokes?
  • Does she make funny-looking art?
  • Does he watch comedy movies?

Be as specific as you can here, using numbers, dates, objects, colors, etc. For example, a specific list might include:

  • tells three dog jokes in a row,
  • crochets funny sock puppets,
  • Or does amateur standup comedy.

5. Figure out where people who do the specifics hang out.

Where can you go to find people who do or say the things on your list? Again, be as specific with this list as you can.

  • For example, someone who does amateur standup comedy would probably do it at a local comedy club. But you can even be more specific with Improv Club on 5th Avenue on Wednesday open mic nights or Beginning Comedy Class at City College.
  • And someone who crochets funny sock puppets might be shopping for materials at the Fabric Warehouse at 1415 Union St and might be selling her creations at the Springtime Craft Fare on Sunday mornings at St. Andrews Church.

6. Hang out where those people hang out.

If you like people with certain traits and interests, the best place to meet those people is where they hang out. Not only can you watch them strutting their stuff, you automatically have the location or activity in common to talk about.

This is fairly obvious and simple advice, isn't it? Then why do people hang out in bookstores, if they like people who dance? Or hang out at the gym, if they want people who like to read?

Yes, I know, good dancers go to bookstores all the time. But you won't see them dancing there, so how do you know they're good at it? And while some people at the gym do read on the treadmill, most people are there to work out.

Does this really work?

When I was single, I used to attend and then teach dating workshops because it seemed an obvious place to meet people who liked to go out on dates. One of my dating students asked me out after attending my class.

We're still together 14 years later.

The Single-Sex Alternative

This only works for people who date the opposite sex.

Suppose you're a guy, and figured out that your ideal date likes to attend knitting classes, which will probably consist solely of female students. Or what if you're a girl whose ideal date hangs out at the auto supply store, which will probably have only male shoppers.

Should you be intimidated and not go to those locations?

Absolutely not. If anything, you should see those locations as dating goldmines and go there first:

  • You'll automatically attract attention if you're the only man in knitting class or the only woman in an auto supply store.
  • You'll have no competition.
  • You'll probably learn something new from folks who are willing to teach you.

A Request

Please let me know in the comments if any of these dating steps worked for you, and feel free to add your own.

© Copyright 2011 by Aurelio Locsin.

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Comments 18 comments

Marisa Wright profile image

Marisa Wright 4 years ago from Sydney

My husband freely admits he only took up dancing to meet women. He met me, so it worked!


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA Author

What a great story. Thanks for sharing it.


formosangirl profile image

formosangirl 4 years ago from Los Angeles

School is the best place to meet a mate. Nobody cares about money, status, clothing, etc. And you find out whether someone will set aside time for you. Everybody remembers to jobhunt, but there will be some who forget to hunt for a mate and then they are set in their own ways.

Voted up and useful.


Trsmd profile image

Trsmd 4 years ago from India

For the forthcoming valentines day..this will be useful for those who want to spent with their partners..Thanks for sharing:)


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA Author

Thanks for reading my hubs.


ishwaryaa22 profile image

ishwaryaa22 4 years ago from Chennai, India

You offered very useful tips on dating compatible people. I have heard of break-ups or some people complaining about the flaws in their partners. This is a wise and sensible hub. I am happily single and I let time take its course and wait patiently for the right man to come into my life.

Thanks for SHARING. Useful. Vote up


molometer profile image

molometer 4 years ago from Cambridgeshire, England

How did I miss this hub, it is brilliant and so true. Maybe we should start a dating website :)

Really useful and interesting information and very funny too. Liked this a lot.

All 6 votes and sharing this one socially.


anusujith profile image

anusujith 4 years ago from Nilambur, Kerala, India

GooD topic... And well explained hub...


Angela Brummer profile image

Angela Brummer 4 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

This is such great advice when you know what you want it is much easier to find the right person until I had the list prepared I always ended up with Mr. Wrong. Now I am seeing a man that is everything I have listed. I most likely would have never dated him simply on looks. But, because we have so much in common down to values and interests he is my best friend. You never tire of your best friend. I am sharing this with hub following, twitter, google+, Stumble upon!


ComfortB profile image

ComfortB 4 years ago from Bonaire, GA, USA

This is really great advice for those looking to get 'hooked'.

Is 'hooked' the politically correct word to use here, or is it 'hitched'?

Well, alocsin, another great hub! Thanks for sharing. Voted up and useful.

Where have you been anyway?


iefox5 profile image

iefox5 4 years ago

Does this kind of plan really work? I doubt this. Anyway, good hub, voted as awesome.


Y Battle-Felton profile image

Y Battle-Felton 4 years ago from Maryland, US

Good advice; I like that your tips still keep you doing what you want to do, that way you are focusing on having fun and meeting interesting people; versus one or the other.


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

Alocsin, these are great dating tips. Wish I'd known these a few decades back. Lol! I am happily married.

Voted up, useful and socially shared to let the guys or gals out there benefit from your tips.


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA Author

I've actually been on vacation, ComfortB, but am back now.


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 4 years ago from Houston, Texas

My husband and I will be married 42 years in a few months met on a blind date...one of the few I ever went on. A fellow nurse had met my hubby's best friend and they were dating and they both thought that we would like one another. Guess they were right! :))

Your tips of going to places that you also enjoy are valid. Volunteering is another good way. Obviously volunteers care about that specific charity so would have that in common for starters.

Up and useful votes!


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA Author

Congrats Peggy!


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 4 years ago from Houston, Texas

Thanks! Finding the right person to spend your life with is so wonderful. He is also my best friend.


Duchessoflilac1 profile image

Duchessoflilac1 5 months ago from Johns Island, SC

My boyfriend and I met in college at a basketball game. Funny thing is I ended up dating his roommate and he ended up dating mine to begin with. It was only when we broke up we, took notice of each other. We have been best friends for over 40 years. In those years, I've raised a daughter. He married and had two daughters and is now a widower. Funny how life has put us together and we realize we have loved each other always. Have I seen him during those years? Yes, his wife and I were friends. His daughters are as much mine as they are his and it works the same way with my daughter being his, although biologically she is not. I think people work too hard at dating and not hard enough at getting to know people. Look around you, there are people. Meet some of them.

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