How to Deal With Your Husband's Ex-Wife

Frustrations With Husband's Ex-Wife

When I first met my husband's ex, we were pleasant to each other. She also once told me in an email that she "liked and respected" me.
When I first met my husband's ex, we were pleasant to each other. She also once told me in an email that she "liked and respected" me.

If you are married to a man who was once married and has children with his ex-wife, or if your husband has a "baby mama," then you may relate to this kind of "baby mama drama."

First, I'd like to make it clear that I don't believe that all exes are "crazy," or any other similar word, for that matter. I'm also an ex. I also realize that some may say, "You knew he had an ex and that you were going to have to deal with this. You knew what you were getting into," and so on. Well, to a point, this is true, but let me just say that things were fine before we got married. It was not until after we said our "I do's" that things with the ex started to get crazy.

Unfortunately, I don't know if this information will actually help anyone who may be in a similar situation, but this was a good way for me to vent out my frustrations, and I would like to invite anyone else who would like to vent theirs to feel free to leave a comment.

Meeting Husband's Ex-Wife

My husband and I have been together for almost five years (married for four). He has three children with his ex, ranging in ages from 8 to 12. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, who is 11. We also have two sons together, an eight-year-old and a three-year-old.

This woman (his ex) is unbelievable! I think she may be bipolar, psychotic, or something of that nature. When I first met her, it was okay. We were pleasant to each other. She also once told me in an email that she "liked and respected" me.

The pleasantness that I displayed was:

1) for the sake of the children;

2) to help prevent her from giving my husband problems in seeing his children; and

3) just because I had no personal reasons not to be pleasant (at first).

I'm still unsure of her motive in being pleasant with me. At first I thought that maybe it was genuine, but after a while, I began to wonder.

Things were okay in the beginning. My husband was able to see his kids without problems. We would have them at least every other weekend. Sometimes we would have them every weekend for several weeks in a row and sometimes during the summer when school was out we would have them for 3-4 days at a time. Because my husband was working and I had just had a baby and was pregnant again, I wasn't working. Sometimes it was just me with all the kids for several hours. It wasn't always easy taking care of five kids, ages 0-9, while being pregnant. I didn't mind much though because he has awesome kids. His oldest daughter and my daughter love to help out with the baby.

I guess I will just cut to the chase and start with the first events that took place. I could go on forever about the first year and a half.


Major Conflict With Husband's Ex-Wife

As I said, things were decent for a while. She and my husband got along at first, but I have since learned that she is the type of woman who only does things for other people if she's getting something in return. It's her way or no way. If it doesn't benefit her, then it's not worth it to her. She's the most selfish, spoiled brat I have ever met in my entire life! But it was always okay for her to call my husband anytime she needed something. Once, she called because something was wrong with her plumbing. Another time, she called him because she was having issues with her "boyfriend of the week." It was as if any little thing happened and my husband was the first person she would call! "Oh, you're at work and 45 minutes away from my house? But my car battery is dead and I need a jump. So, why can't you help me?" What?! Like this chick doesn't have neighbors or something?? Please!!


Things Start to Go Sour

I had all the kids, plus I was pregnant and not feeling well. When we called and asked her to pick up her kids, she said she couldn't because it was her nanny's weekend off!
I had all the kids, plus I was pregnant and not feeling well. When we called and asked her to pick up her kids, she said she couldn't because it was her nanny's weekend off!

Now for the first "event" that completely soured our relationship.

First, let me say that we continuously did favors for her, mostly to stay in her good graces for the sake of my husband and the kids. You could listen to the following story and say, "So what? Why was it HER problem?" But keep in mind that we were mostly upset because we constantly went out of our way for her and she couldn't do this one little thing to make things easier for us this time.

I had all of the kids. My husband was at work. I was pregnant and started not feeling well. My husband called his ex (this was about 9:00 in the morning) to ask her to come pick up the kids because I wasn't feeling well. (It wasn't his normal weekend with them in the first place.) She told him she would call him back. About an hour went by and she had not called him back. He called her again and this is what she said. Ready for this? She said that she would not pick up the kids because she couldn't find the au pair (for those who don't know what an au pair is, it's a live-in nanny). That's right, this spoiled brat had a live-in nanny. She said that it was the nanny's weekend off and that she had a bachelorette party to go to that night, so she would not be able to pick up her children.

Well, I was in a lot of pain (in my abdomen), so my husband called his mom to come watch all the kids. He took me to the emergency room. I was only six weeks pregnant at the time and we were worried that it may have been an ectopic pregnancy (which, obviously now, it wasn't).

The next day, she sent him a text message asking how I was. Being pissed about the events the day before, he answered her text message with something like, "What do you care?" This started and huge texting war. She took a lot of shots at him, calling him things and saying things.

She had been hot and cold the whole time I had known her and I had been biting my tongue for long enough. I was sick of it! Plus my hormones were moving full speed ahead. I grabbed my phone from my husband and sent her a text of my own. Basically I said something like this: "I'm so tired of your bull*&#^. Stop blaming my husband for all of your shortcomings." She fired back with something along the lines of, "Oh I've been in your shoes, sweetheart. You just wait." Blah, blah, blah. My last text to her went like this, "You've never been in my shoes because I'm not a f-ing c*&t." Apparently, according to my husband, that is her least favorite word, so she called him after that text. She was crying and said that she would come to get the kids. He told her that she could come, but that no one would be there because we had plans to go to his dad's house to go swimming, which we did.

She called the police and said that we had refused to give her her children and that she was afraid that we would take the kids and run. Okay, first of all, where are we going to go with all those kids?! Second, it was just the day before that we couldn't get her to come pick up those kids if our lives depended on it!

The police called my husband's cellphone and he told them that she knew where we are and that she could come pick the kids up from his dads house. This chick shows up with a state trooper escort. Talk about a drama queen! The only reason she did that was have a police report on file that she could use against my husband in court. He had court dates two or three times a month after that.

It turned out that the kids didn't want to go with her. They never wanted to go! They always tell us how they don't want to go home and how they want to live with us. (I'm sure that kids say that a lot to the parent they don't live with full-time, because they miss them.) The kids were crying, tears streaming down their precious little faces, as they were ripped away from their father. This happened about three months before I wrote this. Since then we haven't seen them. About a week after that incident, she filed a PFA (protection from abuse) request, stating that she didn't want me or my husband anywhere near her or her children. Until the court date to process her request, we couldn't have contact with the kids. Now, here are my questions: Why did it take her a full week to file the PFA if she felt threatened? Why did she need a police escort to come with her to pick of the kids when just the day before, she refused to pick them up when we asked her to? I'll tell you why: The PFA benefitted her, while picking up the kids when we asked her to would not.

She Travels and Treats Herself, Leave the Kids with Us

In just one year, she traveled to Italy, London, and Mexico.
In just one year, she traveled to Italy, London, and Mexico.

On top of it all, she gets over half of my husband's paycheck every week. (Of course he should pay support and help take care of his children, but the amount he pays is ridiculous.) My husband doesn't make an extremely large amount of money to begin with. We struggle constantly to pay our bills, and here she is, getting her full salary plus more than half of my husband's salary. She has an au pair. In just one year, she traveled to Italy and London and took a month's vacation in Mexico. She had the money to do all of this, yet she continues to file paperwork with the court to request more child support! I'm not kidding!

Every time we see her, she's got new name-brand clothes on, yet she sends her son over in flip flops that are falling apart. She tells her kids to ask their daddy to buy them new shoes. Obviously that child support money isn't supporting the children, it's supporting her!

I don't buy myself anything! I make sure that my kids have what they need before I buy myself things. I mean, isn't that the way it should be? Shouldn't that be a real mother's instinct? Provide for your children FIRST!

Tell me, please, am I the only one that has witnessed this type of behavior from an ex?

For years, I have hoped that the B.S. would end and that we could all get along for the sake of the children and everyone's sanity. Let me tell you: It's been years now and some things have gotten better while some have gotten worse. I don't think things will ever be "normal."

I've done some research and read up of the subject. I think she may have something called PAS, or Parental Alienation Syndrome. Apparently, this type of behavior can be used against the offending parent in court. Here are some links in case anyone would like to look into it further.

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Comments 437 comments

concerned 8 years ago

Oh my gosh...do you know my husbands ex wife...she is the EXACT same way...she is mad because I help her kids out with there homework..that she doesn't do...WOW!! There is really more of these"MOTHERS" as they like to call themselves out there huh...sad..


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NikkiSpangler 8 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Yeah. Apparently, there is a lot more of these "mothers" out there than I even realized. I don't know what fuels them to be this way, it's just a shame that they don't want to put their kids first.


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mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

My Sister's boyfriend's ex wife is the same with his kids, but she has succeeded in poisoning them against him, at least until they want something!

My Husband's ex was fine until I got pregnant, then she got jealous and complained to the Police about my Husband not having returned a 'Robbie Wiiliam's' CD etc to his Sons. Sadly I had a termination, and then she relaxed a bit, but it was still psycho to react like this !


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NikkiSpangler 7 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

It's crazy, isn't it?! More events have taken place since I wrote this hub. She's relentless! She acts like my husband cares or something. She's trying so hard to "hurt" him but she's only hurting her kids.


mary anne  7 years ago

I swear I would believe that you were talking about my husband's ex. You just can not be nice to these kind of people. I was nice at first to her and then she did some very cruel things to my bio son, I mean extremely cruel, especially to a child. Every time I would try to get along with her, she would do something that would leave me dumbfounded, and I used to work in the legal system and saw some pretty horrible divorces and child custody situations. I would be just left in amazement that someone could be this greedy, manipulative and cruel. To this day (my hubby and I have been married 6-1/2 years), she is using her own children as pawns to get more money from my hubby and to run him around all over the place, of course, for the sake of the kids. It makes me sick!! Believe me, you are not alone.


Worry wife 7 years ago

Wow! I guess I was not the only one going throught this situation.I'm going through the same exact problem but little be more tense. I live with my inlaws until my husband gets back from deployment(navy) and its been a total mission. They have just a set of pictures when they got married and have it as an altar I should say. i asked why do they do that knowing that I'm here, yet they respond: she is the mother of my grandchildrens so she will always be there. I know that but knowing she is basically destroying our marriage and still have pitty for her. She is definatelly making my life so miserable and so are his parents.I'm really stressed out and considering talk to my hubbie for a solution or may be we shouldn't be together after all. i don't have her to hunting our life the rest of my existing


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NikkiSpangler 7 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Worry wife,

Don't let her ruin your marriage to your husband. If you two love each other, that is all that should matter. I know it's difficult, believe me! More things have arisen since I wrote this hub and it's been difficult but I am not going anywhere. Don't let her win! Hang in there!


Jen T 7 years ago

I'm in the same boat as you guys are!! When I first got with my husband, we had his little girl (at the time she had just turned 2) all the time! I was raising her while my husband was getting over his "addictions". Well when my SD was about 4, her mom decided she wanted to be a mother again and pretty much just came in and swooped her away after 2 years of living with us. My SD is now 5 and lives in North Carolina with her mother and goes to school there, so we will only get to see her in the summers if that. As for the whole bipolar thing and mental issues...it's all there. I just came home today from running errands and there was this nasty message on my voicemail stating that "she needs to talk to us, it's important, and she was glad it wasn't an emergency because we never answer the phone or call her back" SHE HAS NOT CALLED US IN 3 WEEKS. What is she talking about?!?! When she does call, she was calling to see if my husband had started his new job so we could send her money. This is when she makes DOUBLE what we bring home. We have so many past due bills and she wants US to pay her! To top all this off...she had got married to a military man..had a baby with him..now they are getting a divorce and he's getting the same treatments! She has both the kids, loads of money, in the navy, while the rest of us suffer. YOU GUYS AREN'T ALONE...I deal with it everyday myself. GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF US, dealing with these weird o people!


Courtney 7 years ago

Right there with you! All of you for that matter!!! This is actually the first time I have even researched 'ex wife/ child support' etc. And I end up right here and find this article that paints the same ugly picture that many people are buying right now. And to be even more honest, the only reason I was searching around today just so happens to be because I had a run in with 'her' and this time I almost blew it. We get the kids in the Summer and don't have to pay child support. So when September 1 rolls around we have to pay child support and also alimony and also our school fees. So add it up here. $1800 in child support. $500 in alimony. and $8272 for school on SEPTEMBER 1!!!! Im sorry but that is not realistic so of course we skipped the alimony and decided to catch up next payment. This bitch gets so worked up and says that is unacceptable she has bills to pay.... Im sorry. Anyways I know all of you get my point. Well she called me today to gripe about the money since this month I decided to split the payment in half so I was to pay her $1150 on the first and $1150 on the 15th well I paid all of that and completely forgot about the last alimony payment we had to pass on, so she just called me about an hour ago...and now I am here talking to you lovely ladies. :) Oh and by the way, she doesn't work, she broke up with this guy last Christmas, met a new guy, got pregnant by him in April, and didn't tell us this until 2 weeks ago. YEAH lovely huh????

Have a good one.


2ndwife 7 years ago

I am so glad I found this website. But it's so diheartening to know there is no real solution.

My husband and his ex have 4 kids from ages 10-23. We took the 2 oldest for over 5 years before they each turned 18. Before that, we paid her $1600/month, often paid her car payment, bought all the kids clothes, took them every weekend, etc. etc...

Currently, she has 2 (10 and 14) still living with her. Since splitting from my husband, she has been through 1 ex husband, 3 ex fiances and numerous boyfriends..all the while looking for a meal ticket. She refuses to work. She moves from state to state exploiting welfare benefits until her time runs out. She has lived in 4 states in 6 years. My husband pays court ordered child support, but none goes to her because she gets state benefits. She is trying to use extortion-visitation for money. She is manipulating the children and impedes my husband's rights as a father. She uses her kids to live off of. Without them, she would get nothing.

My in-laws feel sorry for the children, I understand that, but their support of the kids is enabling the mother to do nothing. And here I am, the 2nd wife and I have 3 little ones all under 7. I live and do everything with my kids in mind. I am so conflicted about my husband's previous children and the entire family dynamic.

His previous children have learned how to manipulate and use just like their mother does. I feel like when they do come over, they are just spies from the enemy camp. We even get phone calls accusing us when their mother thinks we bought something we should't have with the money WE WORK FOR.

We get threats and worry constantly. Its gotten worse now that she has moved to the same state we live...right down the street from MY mother-in-law. The kids are always being dumped off on my in-laws. It makes me sick that they are allowing the ex to use them. Where is the loyalty to their son/brother? Even knowing that the ex is constantly threatening one of their own, they are all nice as pie to her and never confront her. And even though they were separated for several years before I was ever in the picture, the ex blames me for everything, says that my children don't have the right to exist. This situation has pretty much destroyed my relationship with my mother-in-law.

I just don't know how to take a deep breath and step back. I can't find peace with any of this. I just can't see how any good will come of any of this. I feel like moving...


marie 7 years ago

WOW!!


GKnight34 7 years ago

OMG! I am just not use to this! My husband and I have let this woman come between our marriage and love for each other. Grrrr!


Amy 7 years ago

Honey, you are not alone. I have dealt with this type of crap x 10 for 8 yrs. Every time we take her to court for OBVIOUS contempts on her part. The court throws it out. This only reinforces that she is right in her mind. I am going to right a book. There is just too much to tell you on this blog but just know your not alone.


SalterM 7 years ago

Oh wow! I am dealing with the same kind of stuff. His wife does have issues and takes meds for it but at the same time he has a hard time standing up to her. It irritates me to no end and I often wonder if it is even worth it to continue on. His kids have learned how to play off of them and we have to do the 50/50 custody... every other week because neither parent wants to give up rights. It is constant turmoil and I am at the end of my rope!!!!! She has continually caused problems and lives above the law. He is continually "nice" to her to keep he happy and I am fed up! When do I have a fair chance in this marriage to be number one????


Naya 7 years ago

I thought it would make me feel better to know that I wasn't alone on this issue but instead I feel more confused than ever. Confused for the fact that I don't know how much more I can take. My husband's ex went as far as to move the kids (#2) out of state. In their divorce it was actually stated that she was not able to move so many miles without a 90 day written notice. We received the written notice 30 days before she moved. We assumed we had 90 days to fight it We filed an emergency injunction for her to bring the kids back.(After she moved them in the middle of the night) The judge denied it and said that he would not force her to bring the kids back! What good are the rules when she doesn't have to follow them. That was 4 years ago and with may issues in between she has now turned the kids against us. I mean literally! We have not spoken to them since July 08. The kids are now 11 and 9. We have attempted many times with no prevail. The last time we did speak to them was back in July and they were very disrespectful. They said they hated us, never wanted to speak or see us again and they didn't have to. They even went as far as to say they would run away if they had to come visit. The ex wife tells them they don't have to see us or speak to us. She tells them we don't support them emotionally or financially. We finally told the kids that we payed child support to their mother to help take care of them. They did not believe it and then we get a nasty email from the "new husband" (#4) saying that what we did by telling the kids about the child support was very disturbing and was putting them in the middle! Are you kidding me! The ex wife also poisons both kids by saying we like one of them more than the other. That we "play" favorites. That we spend more money on one than the other. We get them things by what they ask for not how much money it costs. If this doesn't show the ex is money hungry....? What I realized in the last few months is that the kids are exactly like her. My husband said it best when he said they are like puppets with strings. They do, say and think exactly what she wants them to. The sad part is there is nothing we can do about it!


PAULA OLIVERA 7 years ago

WOW I FEEL YOU SO VERY MUCH IM DEALING WITH AN EX JUST LIKE YOUR HUSBANDS SOMETIMES ITS SO HARD TO HOLD BACK AND SPEAK YOUR MIND BECAUSE OF MY HUSBAND AND HIS KIDS


Ansley 7 years ago

I feel better knowing that I am not the only one having to deal with my husband's ex-wife. Are all ex-wives bipolar? She just makes me so crazy. I can't stand to look at her. It is as if she thrives on pissing me off and making my life miserable. I am also 90% sure she still wants to be with my husband, so she calls him any chance he gets. I have another 9 years before my step-daughter turns 18, and I can't wait until I never have to hear from her mother again! I'm counting down!!!


Kathryn 7 years ago

I agree with you all as my husband's ex is exactly the same. I think she gets it from her mother as she is exactly the same. There's a good website called www.bullyonline.org which although is not about mad ex-wives gives good descriptions of bullies and basically states that they have personality disorders. That's what I thing about the pathetic excuse that is his ex. The sad outcome will be yet another child deprived of contact with its father and will be totally F****d up who will no doubt carry on perpetuating this diabolical behaviour towards friends, family and those in relationships with them (that's if they can sustain relationships). the courts and the Government need to sit up and take notice that this is one reason why society has deteriorated as the children caught up in this behaviour are taught to be everything that is abhorent to normal people all for the sake of getting one over on an ex partner that has had the audacity to walk away and not be controlled. We no longer see my stepson because of this behaviour and had Christmas cards returned to us. We don't know if my stepson has seen them and considering his behaviour up to 12mths prior to the ceasing of contact I don't know if his behaviour has deteriorated further and if the PAS mentality from his mother has set in. I feel very sorry for him as the brainwashing she is subjecting him too will at some point become apparent to him and the trouble will start all over again when she starts demanding that we have involvement to combat the result of her. I totally agree with the statement that she does things to suit her or what is best to support her stance. These people are experts on being deceitful and adept at pulling the wool over people's eyes and isolating the father from the child's life. That way they can say anything they want to anyone as they will never know the truth. I too can't wait until my stepson turns 18 because we won't pay any more CSA which means there is no longer any financial "punishment" or "control" in anyway from his ex. We have decided that losing contact is terrible but the lesser of 2 evils as it at least gives some stability. It prevents any manipulation by anyone and no stress from weekly tirade of text messages etc. My only hope is that my stepson has the best part of his father in him and asserts himself over the next few years to re-establish contact because that's what he wants rather than doing what his mother wants. All I want is for him to be a well balanced person who doesn't grow up to be spiteful and vindictive. You know what they have said about serial killers in the past having issues with their mother's which affects their relationships with females in particular!


jackie 7 years ago

Huney its the same way here. Except for my husbands child is handicap and that makes it worse


Anya 7 years ago

I have a similar problem to this. Everytime we go to his ex's house to get the kids i stand in the doorway waiting with him while she get's them ready. We always tell her when we are coming so they should be ready when we get there but they never are and i think she does this so she can throw cheap shots at me in the doorway while we wait.

She has a husban of 5yrs now and another kid on the way and she seems to love bringing up ols shit from the past where she specifically get's to say"my ex-husband" and on and on! He never married the bitch so what the hell? I hate it when we r on our way there and she say's for him to swing by tim's and pick hei up a coffee! i let it happen about 3 times before i yelled at him and said "are you f***ing kiddin me? If you get her that coffee and continue to let her control you then you better drop me off cuz i am not and will not put up with that bull**it! I was furious! So then things got better for me as he refused her order time and time again.

Then she got nasty about it and began to laugh with her friends infront of my husband and myself in the doorway about where my husband takes me for dinner! That was low but he thought is was all in fun which just made me even more upset so i said "I don't really mind where we go for dinner" and i walked out the door to wait in the car. He want's me to be a part of the kid's lives and i really love them but i told him never to ask me to enter that doorway again.

So he calls her up after i let him have it in the car for not defending me, he asked her what her problem is with me and she said she has no problem as she plays miss inncoent and she asks why? what is her problem with me? She thinks she can make me look like i am tearing the family apart and trying to make things hell for my husband and the the kids! Newsflash! He left her 5yrs ago cuz she was sleeping around with the man she is married to now!

So i am completely at a loss with this and i'm afraid if i say anymore thaN i have already than she will take the kids away all together.

I just wish he could see what she is doing and stop telling me that if i have a problem with her than to hash it out over coffee with her and leave him out of it. I really need sum kind of leg to stand on cuz i feel so alienated by him when she decides to act like a bi**h.


Anya 7 years ago

I wunder if my husband will ever defend me rite in the moment as she is doing this stuff? I makes me sorta wunder if maybe there is something between them or maybe i am just being stupid. I mean he didn't ask me what i think we should get his son for his birthday, he called her instead and that really hurt me. He want's me to do my best to get along and playnice and be involved with the boys but he didn't involve me with this. I think my husband needs to grow a backbone and do what he needs to do to save us or i think i'm going to just throw my hands up and leave.


unknown 7 years ago

well i can kind of relate .my fiancé has been together for 3 yrs now and he has a 4 yr old by one of his ex girlfriends and she causes problems between us and just won't leave his family alone. like still coming over to visit them but sayin she is bringing the child to see them . but i think she does it to try to get to me . bc me and his parents really don't get alone too well. at first we did and me and the baby mama got alone to . and they really didn't care too much for her but then they found out that we got alone ok with each other then they changed their attitude towards me as like they don't like me anymore and just loves the baby mama now . me and the baby mama gets alone ok i guess we have our times we argue a lil bit but we try to bare with each other for the child.now her and my fiancé have problms more than most the time whivh really bothers me bc they still just treat her like she does no wrong when they should be like if you cant treat my son in good manner then were not you... but it different instead like i was saying they trreat me like that when im the one they should try to get alone with.. but if it was 'nt for me talking him into taking her to court he still would only get to see his child when the mother saaid so which that was nt ofton. now we got her every other wkend and more in the summer months.but we also now got our own child and were happy until somethin comes up with the inlaws or baby mama .. and she tries to find lil things to start arguments with us with which i think is just ridicolus..


KBUTTRY 7 years ago

god do i ever know what you mean. the worst part about situations like this is everyone thinks it' the other persons fault and the problems never get resolved.My husband is a wonderful man and father, but his xw makes him sound like the scum of the earth.You have to be hopeful that one day these girls will get what's coming to them,it's not like you even have anything against them at first, but after a while their true colors show and your stuck in the middle.Lets face it ladies, most of us end up picking up the pieces to our husbands first marriage and that truly sucks because then it becomes the battle of the bitches!


anya 7 years ago

I know and i came along years after they split up and had nothing to do with any of it and suddenly i get treated as though i caused these issues and her mental instability. His aunt is sort of a bitch too cuz she won't ask me for help, she phones the ex! At the dinner table she actually said "i wunder who will feed my pet's when i'm on vacation" before i opened my mouth she said "oh i bet **** will come and do it" I wanted to throw up! Please! Oh well they can have her! I have my husband and i'm sorry but a slut is a slut and once you see someone for who they really are "a nasty manipulative and trashy individual" I don't think she can redeem herself at all to say the least. To me she is just a uterus donor. I am mad and saying these things cuz i can't lash them out at my husband or he will think i'm loosing it! mabey i am. I just have to keep my feelings about this secret from the kids because one day i'm hoping things will get better.


unknown 7 years ago

I can relate totally, I'm from both sides of the fence. I have baby mama drama with my current husband's EX and I have and an EX husband who's wife seems to be the one that conceived my daughter with me. I am very nice to her because my love for my daughter is far greater then the hurt my ex has caused me. Either way you look at it....anytime you get involved with someone that has children, you have to have an enormous amount of patience and understanding. I did not always know this and was not always at peace with this concept, however through my growing relationship with god he has revealed this to me. If you desire peace in your heart and an everlasting marriage to your husband you need to turn to god, through him, all things are possible.


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no body 7 years ago from Rochester, New York

I think I am the first man to comment here.  I was on the other side of this issue.  I felt so sorry for my wife while she dealt with my ex. My stories would make the stories you tell pale in comparison.  I am convinced that no one else would have stayed with me but my sweet lady.  We are going on 11 years now and my youngest turned 21 last year.  I am sorry for you women and for your husbands that straddle the line between baby momma and step momma.  The concern that the kids will get the wrong idea about you and that maybe the new wife will get tired of it and just leave.  My ex called for me once when I was not home and let my wife have it.  My wife told her that she WILL respect her man and that she is the wife now.  My children did indeed believe the worst about me from I was not loving them and holding back money from them, to stories that I was gay and having sex with animals.  I tried everything to keep damage to a minimum but the kids pretty much stayed away from me all of their childhoods.  There was nothing I could do because the kids themselves decided to stay away to keep their mom happy. They would not even talk to me even in the smallest way. When they got older they told me they eventually realized that their mom had problems but I'll never get back 10 years of them growing up and all of those important times I missed.  They went from kids to adults that I had to learn all over again when they finally said they wanted to see me again. Their mom was none too happy but they stood their ground. I'm glad God keeps track of these things and I don't have to worry about payback.  I feel for you all and will pray for all of you.


mari5ol 7 years ago

I feel deeply for all of you. I am going through the same thing with my husband's ex wife. I have a daughter froma previous marriage and one daughter with him. He has two daughters with his ex. I guess the whole thing is with child support. She always runs to him when she's in a problem and always asks for money in advanced and then asks again after 2 weeks of already asking for money. It is just so frustrating!!! He then gets angry with me because he gives her gas money and I ask why are you giving her gas money....Like I said he yells at me and throws in my face the my ex doesn't pay CS. He also says that why didn't I say anything when he filled up my sister's gas tank. I am very glad that there is this hub page and that I can vent with you all. Thanks for listening. :) I wish you all the best and wanted to say you are NOT alone.


Barbie Patterson 7 years ago

It is so nice to see that others are dealing with crazy women also. I have had an ex-wife "natural mother" in my life for over 11 years. The only consulation I can give each of you is that the children eventually become adults. They have some of each of the parents and step parents traits after years of living with us all. After the children have left home we find them spending more and more time with us, the calm parents who love them unconditionally. It was hard though because things that came out of their mouths as they were growing up came straight from their mothers point of view. Try not to let that put a gap between you and them. They are only children. Try you best to let your husband deal with her and then just pray alot for your heart to be healed from the things she has said and done to your whole family. The constant fact that the children were being hurt broke my heart and made me very angry. Now I only have less than a year left with having to deal with her. Yeah. She is nuts and we are sane. Luckly she has not been able to kill our spirits. I wish all of you the best. I am currently writing a book on blended families also. What a mess it has been. Keep smiling and enjoy your kids.


Melissa 7 years ago

I have been dealing with some of my own issues regarding the same type of behavior from an ex wife. It can be very damaging to a new relationship and to all involved. My 1st search online led me here and I plan to look into what was posted further. Thank you for sharing. It is a painful situation to be involved in but I now see I am not alone!


charex 7 years ago

I am my husband's first wife, yet I am dealing with the psychology of being his second wife when it comes to matters of my husband's son with this woman. This woman is a lesbian and grew up with my husband as good friends. My husband agreed to donate his sperm to her, before he and I ever started dating. We began to date seriously about a month after she became pregnant with my husband's child. She always acted snidely and possessive, telling my husband that she does not want me around. But she has her lover. She demanded that he gives her a second child, but he was married to me by then, and I was pregnant with our first child together. She became very ugly behind my back, but every time I saw her face, she was too friendly to me. I should have known something was up. When my second daughter was born (both my first and second girls are 18 months apart) they came to my hospital room bearing gifts. I had no idea that they were very jealous and when my husband walked them out of my hospital room, she demanded that he donate sperm for their second child, and he refused. Then she blackmailed him by not letting their son come and stay with us for a week during Thanksgiving, and I was feeling so out of it from my c-section and a week in hospital for my 2nd daughter's jaundice. A couple weeks later, my husband confessed to me that he had been going over to her house to "donate sperm" ever since before we got married because she threatened him by not letting him see his son, so he spat in the cup and passed it off as his sperm and for two years, she was unable to get pregnant, so she went on clomid and pressured him even harder. I laughed when he told me that he spat in the cup, and told him he should have just ordered bull sperm and pass it off as his sperm. Anyway, I was reeling in shock that for the past three years, this bitch has been two-faced to me, acting all kind, and behind my back, ordering my husband over to her house every single time she's ovulating because she is using their kid as a tether to jerk him around. Because of that, I developed severe post partum depression because I felt he should have been able to tell me what was going on, and I could have helped him work through the problems. He has been helping out with everything financially, voluntarily. She had had the temerity to tell him that our marriage does not make sense. I have nothing against lesbians, but how dare she pass judgement on our marriage and thinking that she owns exclusive rights to his sperm. My husband has the right to marry the woman he loves and to create his own family. To throw a wrench in this whole mess, my in-laws know the troubles and yet they do talk to her and act as if there's nothing wrong with her. It just depresses me and makes me doubt my own place in this family. It is certainly unfair to me and my husband. Even if I do say a word, I am scolded. I feel as if I'm not allowed to have an opinion. But dammit, I am the first wife and yet, I'm being made to feel second-class. He married me, not her, and because of how she used their son, he has trouble loving his son, yet he feels so guilty about his feelings toward his son that he overcompensates and often ignores our daughters in his son's presence which only encouraged him to act out in such a selfish way. I don't know what else to do. I'm just thankful that we are moving away to another state, and hopefully just concentrate on our own little family.


7 years ago

i am very sorry for all the turmoil you ladies are dealing with.

i am an 'ex-wife' though, and sometimes it can be just as bad on the other side.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 7 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Yes, it can be just as bad on the other side. I'm speaking from both sides, as I am an ex-wife and a second wife... From my experience, the second wife experiences have been much worse than the ex-wife experience.

Thank you everyone, for all of your comments... please keep them coming!


christianmother27 7 years ago

I can completely relate. It sounds eerily familiar to my situation. My husband has been divorced going on 3 years and has 3 kids (13, 11, 9) with his ex and I have one 4 year old with my ex and am pregnant with me and my husband's first. His ex is absolutely psycho. First off when he had his 6 weeks summer visitation, that was when it went downhill. The oldest ran out of welbutrin, a week before we were going to drop them off (by the way the ex only gave us what she thought was 2 weeks worth because she didn't expect they'd stay more than that...) Turned out the supply was 4 1/2 weeks worth so it almost lasted the whole time (we were only going to keep them 5 weeks because he ended up having to go out of town for work towards the end). I was going to take them home that weekend. Monday we went to the pharmacy to get a refill on meds but they had to transfer it and told me that would take 24 hours. So we went back the next day and they weren't ready. They were finally ready at 8 that night so we went to get them but then found out the pharmacy didn't take out of state medicaid and the meds would cost almost 150 bucks out of pocket. Obviously I didn't have that kind of money, and so I told my husband about the medicine problems. He said well I was taking them back that weekend anyways so it'd probably be ok till then. The child in question was not acting poorly or anything and even though I'm not a psychaitrist, it seemed that if she was ok after 2 days off of depression meds then she would be ok for the other 3 days of the week. Well the ex found out the next day that she was out and that we "weren't getting refills like we should have". So she demanded that I meet her halfway and drop them off. First off, halfway is a three hour drive there and a three hour drive back. Secondly, I work at home and wouldn't have been able to leave till 4 pm at the earliest. Third, they weren't packed, clothes hadn't been washed yet (I was trying to put it off till closer to time to go), and fourth I was pregnant and tired all the time and didn't really want to make a 6 hour car drive at 4 pm. Not to mention that the ex's "6 hour car trip" to our house actually took 10 hours. So there is no telling how long I'd have been waiting at the "halfway point". And finally I didn't get paid till the next day so I didn't even have the money for the road trip at that point anyways. I tried to explain that I couldn't just pick up and go like that but she got all pissy at me and said she was coming to get them and they better be ready. She comes at 2 in the morning with cops banging on the doors and such to get them, saying how she HAD to get the oldest her medicine. Note that she did not come WITH medicine and she could not purchase medicine until they got back home because I had their medicaid cards and the whole out of state medicaid issue. To excuse for why she had to come at 2 in the morning was her husband couldn't miss work the next day. Well I find out later that they stopped on the way home at a motel and slept and didn't get home till like 4 or 5 pm that day... So yeh she's insane. So fast forward to the most recent incident. My husband and myself have recently moved back to the same state and city where she is (his family lives here so that's the reason, not because of her). And we are currently staying with his mom while we look for a place of our own. Due to this fact and the fact that he and I have been sick for several days, he didn't want to get the kids for his weekend this weekend. A lot of the issue is the space issue. There just is not a lot of space at his mom's with us there. It's me, him, my daughter, his parents, and his brother, in a 2 bedroom house. So yeh it's cramped. He told her and 2 of his kids he wasn't going to get them this weekend. So today she drops them off anyways. Me and my husband weren't even in town. We were visiting my dad 2 hours away and getting the rest of my stuff from his house that I still had there. She didn't even come into the house either. She just dropped the kids off and left. For all she knew the kids were there alone. When we got back into town my husband tried to call the police to get her for abandonment but they said it was a civil matter. So now we're going to go see a lawyer and see what we can do to stop this nonsense. As an extra special kicker she thinks she's going to pick them up before Sunday at 6 because it's convenient for her. I will be happy to have this nonsense resolved.


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NikkiSpangler 7 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

I hope everything works out for you guys, Christian Mother... let me know how everything works out with the lawyer.


Monawrites profile image

Monawrites 7 years ago from Surry, Maine

Oh Nikki,

*Sorry this is so long, I just couldn't leave any of it out......

You have my most sincere condolences, and my utmost support. I can only relate to you my personal experience with this situation.

My husband's ex-wife, I finally realized, after jumping through many of the same hoops that you have, especially the 'be nice to keep things okay and everything intact in my own family' hoop, and I finally realized that A. She was still holding a torch for him, B. there is a psych syndrome that dictates that it's okay for the first wife to leave their husbands, but once the husband gets involved seriously with someone else, it's not okay anymore (I didn't say that it was rational!), C. ESPECIALLY when we get married to them, as that is a very final, 'see ya' from our husbands to their former wives, and it becomes most clear to them that they have lost an element of their manipulative control that was for whatever reason MOST important to them, they tend to flip out in many major ways.

AND speaking of manipulation, you know how it takes a woman to really understand another woman, as in men don't get us the way that we get each other? Well, think about this, if she is, and SHE IS manipulative, chances are she always has been with him, and she is threatened by you on MANY levels, but this is probably the biggest one, YOU will be on to her crap and OH NO! You might TELL ON HER, blow it for her, and as she comes to realize that you have in at least SOME ways probably made him aware of her sneaky behavior, even if you haven't and he has figured it out for himself, she will try anything to hurt you and especially DO anything that she can think of to get between the two of you, her plumbing? That is such an old trite trick, so pathetic that it's almost funny, and really, really sad.

That one was just to freak YOU out, to try and see if she still-if in reality she ever did-has the power to make you jealous, to be the threat to you that she perceives that she was in her mind. At one point, she probably thought that she did, as women who act out like this tend to think of the world only as it exists around them, and they see themselves as special, and very, VERY powerful in that scenario. As far as they are concerned they have the right to any information, no matter how inappropriate, about anyone at all. But NO ONE, not even the courts, as far as these women are concerned, has the right to know anything like that about their personal business, and especially, no one has the right to doubt them or put them down. It's a legitimate form of mental illness. It's a personality disorder and it's called Narcissism.

And know this, the lesson that I and many of my pals who are also 'subsequent', but legitimate wives all the same, have learned is this: that WE actually hold all of the cards, because, in fact our husbands love us, they have divorced that other one, she thinks that she can still finagle a way to make you think that she still matters to him and she's right, IF you give it the attention that it doesn't deserve she WILL get to you and make you feel crazy, drive you crazy, so you have to pay ZERO attention to her. If you do and you succeed at maintaining that attitude toward her, you will fry her, make her really mad when she finally realizes it.

But she will also learn that you are not easy to intimidate and that you are confident of your husband's love for you if you ignore her pathetic attempts to get attention from him. She is the mother of his (in your case, you lucky girl, SOME OF) kids, and she is primarily as a last ditch effort going to USE her children (pretty sick huh?) to get to him to pay attention to her, and come between you guys.

BUT remember, YOU hold the cards.

NO is a complete sentence that you are in fact, capable of and allowed to use. As soon as my husband's ex wife realized (took a while) that he was listening to me, -and that was primarily because I wasn't saying a lot, just doing things differently than she did them, if she got pissed about having to do something, I'd just smile and do the opposite, or whatever I freaking felt like doing after a while!

I was quieter, not so much of a pain in the neck to him. I became clear with myself and then with my husband about what my boundaries were and why they were what they were AND that they WOULD NOT under MOST (and I ALONE made the decision regarding when they would, I didn't let her intimidate me into anything, simply by ignoring her) be negotiable, as I was his wife and I was the one who was trying for everyone's sake to make things work. Eventually, all I had to do was to point out one or three of her vindictive hijinks and what they were really about to him and he saw it, clearly, he even looked back into his marriage to her (without my having to ask) and realized that she'd been doing it to him and their kids for years and years!!

I also didn't let the money thing bother me as much as I could help it, and my husband saw me as a 'good sport', not whiny about what I couldn't have because of that 'spoiled witch'.

I tried HARD to look at it as though (even when I KNEW she wasn't using it for them, because I figured that the truth always comes out eventually) it was for his kids, who I love, and I just kept on working sincerely on my closeness to his kids, and all of the kids closeness to one another as siblings...they don't to this day (and they are all in their 20s now) call each other step or half anything, they say this is my sister...or this is my little brother....and they see it that way. I worked hard to achieve that.

Anyway, what ended up happening was because the kids felt safe with me, and close to me, because there was less animosity in our house than in their bitter mother's house, because I NEVER (mostly) said anything negative about her in front of them (althouh I'm sure that they overheard me saying plenty to my husband sometimes if we were talking about it in our room....kids!) and because she, being the bitter old prune that she is, never could help but carry on to anybody who would listen, I mean ANYBODY, if they were around her they heard it constantly, and she did it to them too.

WE ended up getting full custody (NOT that I necessarily wanted five kids on a daily basis, but I do love them, and HEY it's a good thing!) of her children at their request. Because when they finally got close enough to me and fed up enough with her mouth (I don't know if her bitterness was the exception, but she burned a lot of bridges and even lost a lot of 'their former friends whom she'd initially worked her BUTT OFF to 'win'.....) and the tension in that house. They went to the courts, with our help at their request, and told the court appointed shrink that they felt closer to me than to her etc... and the shrink told in her report that I was considered by the kids to be their 'emotional parent', which the judge read, and then hands down we won, she had to pay child support that was HIGHER than the amount of alimony he paid her, and get this, when she went back to court to try and have the alimony changed (raised) the court LOWERED it because our circumstances had changed and we now had FIVE kids to support, not two! SHE and her mouth, did that to herself!

She just got madder and madder and a lot nastier and pretty mouthy about it. So, finally the kids began to refuse to go to visitation, she tried to take us to court over that, claiming the usual, but the kids stood up and told the judge in chambers that they didn't want to go because they loved my husband and I, and couldn't STAND her badmouthing us constantly. Interestinly enough, she stabbed herself in the back again, because it turns out that in the state of California, where we were living at that time, it's considered CHILD ABUSE to make an attempt to alienate one parent from a child by the other parent, so she got nailed on those charges and it was better for the kids when they had visitation because the visitation became SUPERVISED at a location named by the court (county social services office), which the spoiled witch went crazy about IN COURT (she ended up getting lectured by the judge abo


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 7 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Mona... I love it! I'm so glad everything worked out so well for you guys! I will take your advise and see how it works out for us. The kids always say they want to live with us and stay with us and that they don't want to go home. The youngest, one time, even said, "I hate Mommy!" What 4 year old (5 now) little girl says that about her mom?!?! That's gotta tell you something right there! Thank you so much for the comment... I love long comments, though I think yours got cut off at the bottom. Thanks again!


Monawrites profile image

Monawrites 7 years ago from Surry, Maine

Well it kind of speaks for itself.

It ends up the way you'd expect. She's in her mid 60s now (a decade on me, and also older than my husband), alone, bitter and because she spent so much time obsessed with us, she is completely alone. She burned far too many bridges, even with 'friends' of long standing because she let her bitterness get the best of her. It's sad really, but her daughter, who is entering law school this year, doesn't care, she learned a lot about as she puts it 'how NOT to mother and what not to be as a woman'. She's a beautiful, brilliant young woman with a bright future and I deign to think what she might have turned out as growing up in a petrie dish of bitter....we just celebrated our tenth anniversary and we are truly still happy, we are all 7 of us a strong, happy family, we even have three grandbabies now, and the issues continue to be issues for the ex because she never really learned (my ex husband, same deal, he just found a woman just as vindictive as he is, and we treat them the same way-she attempted to villify me when she first came along about 5 years ago, and hasn't fizzled out yet), she's just now trying to figure out how we 'stole' the kids from HER HUSBAND!! I am now trying to figure out what it is about them that makes them so blood hungry that they'd ruin their own lives over such stuff, I'd love to write a book about it, but have a great deal more research to conquer prior to that happening!

You stay in touch with me and let me know how things are going, also know that I am a BIG believer in support, and I am here for you if the times get tough, they will, but you CAN do this, it works, and you will never ever regret it. Neither will your children. It's hard when a little child who probably only knows the WORD hate because he or she heard it from Mommy, expressing such a strongly negative emotion when what they really want is comfort and safety, so start there, be that little one's comfort zone, the place where she feels safest, she will never forget you or stop loving you for it, EVER! That much I can promise you.

Take care, and thanks for your kind words.


Jessica 7 years ago

I'm a newlywed and his ex is pretty bad...but not that bad. I hope it never gets that bad either. Good luck!


JD5715 7 years ago

I'm hoping someone can help me figure out whether I am doing the right thing or not. 2 years ago I met my boyfriend. He moved in right away into my home. I have a 10 year old boy and a 3 year old daughter from previous relationships. I thank god, I have a great job, and I have been working in my company for 17 years. I make a descent income and support both my kids without any child support. Anyhow, I met him and he apparently did not have a great relationship with his kids from his previous relationship. He has a 9 year old daughter and 13 year old boy and a 15 year old daughter that he left behind in another country. He met her when she was born and left to the US and never looked back. Never sent her a letter, never called, up until he met me and I found out about it. Being a mother I was heartbroken for this young girl and pushed until he finally touched base. Since he’s been with me he has reconnected with her and has seen her 3 times. His x wife the mother of his other 2 kids apparently didn’t have a good relationship with him and the kids didn’t have a consistent schedule with him. I also helped him in working on that and we have since scheduled every other weekend stays with his kids as well as half summer ,they live with us. I play my role as a part time mom to his kids. I purchased bunk bed furniture’s for the kids so that when they came over they would feel comfortable and at home. I treat all my kids equal. However, lately, his son has been giving his mother problems with school... such as he doesn’t complete his homework, he arrives late at school he has numerous absences ( this is her fault) . She is complaining that he doesn’t take out the trash , that he talks back at her and that he doesn’t get along with his 2 other sisters ( she has another daughter from a current relationship) . She is complaining that she arrives late from work and that she just can’t handle it anymore so she thinks its best that he comes live with us. I have to say, that I am somewhat in SHOCK at her quickness to give up on her kid and just send him off. I don't feel comfortable with the situation. WTF I deal with those issues day in and day out and the last thing on my mind is let me pass on the problem to my ex... These are my kids and I deal with their issues. I have also been a single mother and to me this is not enough of a problem for a mother to lose control over and give up on the responsibilty she has with her kids. I feel that she just just doesn’t want the stress. I'm bothered. I like my privacy. I love his son but I am not ready for that type of responsibility which belongs to her. Why should I have to carry her burden? I have 2 kids of my own to deal with. If I wanted 3 I would have had 3. I know it sounds selfish but I have already taken away from my kids to give to his and I don’t mind it but at the same time. I don’t think I have it in me to give his son the warmth that his mother should be giving him. My son is very quiet, he keeps to himself - he's very peaceful respectful, but when the kids come over the weekend- There is fighting arguing and what not... and I feel that now I will have that constant stress. My boyfriend has been laid off for the past month or so and is considering bringing his kid to live with us but I just don’t find it right and I don’t feel comfortable with him living with us for many, many reasons that I am not detailing here. I feel that by him living with us- MY Responsibilities will grow. I will have less time for me. I have my hands full with my kids and why should she let go of her kid so that she can have a stress free day and pass on more responsibilities to me?. Therefore she has 3 - and I have 2 and now she wants to send me her son so now I have 3 .I know I sound a bit nutty and selfish but I truly don’t feel that there is enough merit in her reasoning to send her son to my house for me to have to deal with. Not too long ago, my daughter threw a toy and it him on his head - he snapped and hit her. I told him not to ever hit my daughter - to keep his hands to himself. His sister told me that he hits his other little sister at their home. I explained to him that he cannot go around hitting people and less his sisters or any girl for that matter. I truly love him and we get along very well but I don’t once again feel that this is enough of a reason for me to have to carry that responsibility. God forbid something that his mother be sick or something would happen that my boyfriend would have to take on his kids- I swear that would not be a problem but I feel this lady is taking advantage of my situation. She probably see that my boyfriend now is in a stable relationship and has stable home and thinks its okay to make that decision. I don’t want to lose my relationship but I feel that if he accepts his son living with us I am considering having him then move out of the house. There is so much more to the story but I just don’t find peace in my heart with this scenario. I feel bad for I don’t want to reject anyone’s child but I also don’t think its right for her to give up on her kid. When I decided to have my kids - I made the decision based on that I would be able to raise them on my own as well. Please help me understand if I am wrong for feeling this way.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 7 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

JD5715, I was a terrible teenager. My mom and dad have been divorced for many many years now. When I was 15, my mom couldn't mentally handle the stress of what I was dishing out to her. She sent me to VA for a year to live with my father, his wife and her son. I was so mad and so upset because she didn't even tell me that he was coming for me, when I came home from a friends house one day, he was there for me and had already started packing my stuff into the back of his truck. I was even already enrolled in school, in VA! I did meet a lot of good friends there... some of which I still talk to on a regular basis. My behavior was also better there as well as my school work. My mom and I now have a great relationship and there are no hard feelings on either end anymore about the past.

I don't think you're wrong to not want the son to move in with you guys and I don't think you're being selfish by not wanting it. I do think that if he is being physical with people and having all those problems that he may have some underlying issues and should probably talk to some type of cousenlor or therapist. I don't know what your relationship is like with the mother but maybe you could suggest something like that to her. I don't think her sending him away is the answer. Hope all goes well... keep me posted!


shespeaks 7 years ago

Oh, and watch out for when the ex gets bored...it can come at anytime and anywhere. They can even remarry and all of a sudden you find out that all of those "important" calls to your husband came while the ex was creeping on their current husband. You know, and it still hurts the kids the most. They usually end up with the Mom, even when going through all those Daddies because Mom's a hoe is so unhealthy. Gotta feel sorry for the kids, all you can really hope for is that Dad's around and has a better family lifestyle that the kids get to experience than Mom is willing to commit to.


SeekingSanity 7 years ago

How comforting it is to know there are others like myself dealing with ex wives and ex lives. But how frustrating it is to read all the baby mama drama. I feel the need to vent about my situation with my man's ex and two kids. He is a good man and loves his kids as do I. The kids show great affection and respect towards us both. The problem is that the kids are dealing with extreme parenting measures between us and the ex-wife. And so, they act one way with us and completely opposite with their mother. We enforce rules, responsibilities, and mannerisms. Of course, aside from being serious we involve a fun, playful side too. As for their mother, she is the total opposite. She buys their love and lavishes them with whatever toys they want. She lets them behave and act in whatever manner they feel or say. Ultimately, no boundaries or rules set for the children and so they act like little spoiled kids when they are around their mother. When they are with us, they listen very attentively and are very well behaved. It's so conflicting for the kids and frustrating for us because we are all not on the same page about the kids. On top of that, my man can sometimes push me over the line with his over nicety acts with his ex. Such as giving her an extra key to our place (he says it's for the kids sake when she needs to drop them off), walking around in a towel because he thinks its okay, making useless talk over the phone with his ex when it should just be child related, extending invites to our place for xmas or whatnot. Mind you I have told him that all the above is not okay in my presence and that he needs to stop the over nicety acts and keep it like a business relationship and keep it short on the phone. He has adapted to my requests but the only thing that bothers me is when she still steps foot on my place every so often to drop or pick up the kids. I have made it a point to him that he needs to take it elsewhere and pick and drop off at another point because I can't stand seeing her face let alone in my house!


sammy  7 years ago

believe me this is only the begining of the rest of your life with her in the shadows of your life.get used to it the shit never ends .wait until all those special moments in his and hers childrens life. either you go and fell uncomfortable the whole time or you choso to stay out of all the events which will make you feel left out . losing end. it sucks there is no braidy bunch. some times i wonder should of gotten a harley instead


Mother of 4 7 years ago

LORD HELP US ALL ! I am going through the same stuff. Its so hard, cause we as loving people try to be the best Wife, Mother and Step-Mother. What the Ex's don't realize is just how many people that are out there that could be just for the Husbands and could care or less about the kids. I treat my Step-Children as if they were my own. They are mine in my eyes. I love them dearly. I have made several mistakes in this marriage. One, cause I have never been a Step-Mom before so you kinda have to learn as you go. My situation is all the same. She is jealous, misreable, and all the above. All I can really do is pray for her. I have two girls from my previous marriage. Me and my ex don't have these issues cause I tell myself I will not put him or my girls through all this mess and drama. I want them to enjoy their Dad and Me, and the Women that he is married to. I don't want my girls pulled. On the other hand its not like that on my Husbands side. They only got married cause she got pregnant and they never had what you would call a marriage. Its was together for the kids sake. They have a Son and Daughter. When he tried leaving her afther their son was born she tried killing herself so he went back and she got pregnant with their second child. There for the longest everyone kept telling him that she had messed around on him that the second child is more than likely not his. But, he being the GOOD MAN he is don't care if she is or not. He was there from day one and that is his baby girl regardless. These women are sad and I think that the courts need to look and research further when it comes to divorces and they automacially take the Womens side and that is what is wrong with this world and children today. These women mess with these babies. We are grown and know how to deal with things, its not easy and we make alot of mistakes dealing with issues but these poor kids that have no choice in the matter they are the ONES THAT SUFFER. I really like "Monawrites" advise. I was sitting here at work after having an issue with my Husbands ex this morning trying to work and worried about my step-son and what all he has to deal with and your article really helps me put things in perspective. THANK YOU !! We have the same money issues, her running her mouth constantly, bad mouthing us. The even sadder thing about this all is after her and my husband got a divorce. When he and I decided to get married a week after we did. She married a guy whos wife had died. She hadn't been gone one week and she moves into their house moves all of her stuff out. Would not let their grandmother being the wife that dieds mother have anything to do with the kids. She would not let the mother have any of her won daughters belonging. SAD !!He and his wife had 4 boys. They were married 13 years. She was a great women and mother. One of the boys was just a baby, she moves in while this man and his kids are grieving and uses them all. Pretends to be a SO CALLED Mother to his kids. She ruins his credit puts him through the same hell she did my husband. My husband and I both tried to warn him not to marry her but he did. He was a lonely father of four who needed a women to help out. Well he puts her through school, she had bad credit getting with him. Runs bills up in his name and yes puts bills in My Step-Sons name using his social and he was 11 at the time. Never paying the bills on time. He is now 13. She is a mess. When she gradutats school after being with this man 5 years. She ups and leaves him and his boys. Come to find out she never paid the bills and companys started repoing everything they owned. Now this man lives in a trailer with his 4 boys cause his once was good credit is shot because of her. The good lord will see that she pays. Thanks for all the good advise. GOD BLESS US ALL. Any feed back will be greatly appreciated.


SeekingSanity 6 years ago

Dear sammysays,

I completely hear you out! I had to suck it up on several occasions when their son would have special school nights and we had to attend with the ex wife and ex mother-in-law present. I totally hated it but had to put on my cordial face. However, one event stuck out. My man actually had the nerve to extend an invitation to this woman for Xmas. And she had the nerve and face to show up. It was the worst first xmas moment ever in my life because the LOSER that she is, she had NOBODY to spend Xmas with and my man had to carry on useless conversation with her until he felt "SORRY" for her and therefore invited her over without my approval *rolling eyes*. I'll just say I stayed in another room that day because we had already got into an argument. I may of lost out but I think I got my point across that she was NOT WANTED. However, this woman is so insanely dumb that she will never realize how much I hate her guts and that I don't ever wanna see her face much around my presence.


brown_eyed_mommy 6 years ago

Wow, I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who has to deal with their husbands crazy ex-wife. When my husband and I first got married(we were pregnant as well) and his ex found out she told him that if he would leave me and go back to her that they would take the baby away from me and raise it as their own, lol. Which is really funny since she's the reason why her parents had to take their son away because while DH(her's at the time) was deployed(he's active military) she wasn't taking care of their son and leaving him in nasty diapers, not feeding him, not bathing him, he was a mess. She didn't even take care of their second child but DH(hers at the time) was around more to take care of the child.

His ex is crazy, she swears up and down that they are still legally married, and starts that crap everytime she knows I'm pregnant. She tells his family that they are still married and some of them believe her but it isn't true, the military would catch on very quickly if one of their members was trying to get benefits for a new wife when he wasn't divorced.

She has alienated him from his daughter and has kept their daughter away from most of his family, espcially his Mom. The ex uses that child, who is 13 as a pawn to get what she wants which is always money. She receives almost half of DH's paycheck, she's able to go to college and not work, while DH and I have to put our degree's on hold and sometimes have a hard time making ends meet.

DH and I have two girls together and the ex says that my children are not her daughter's sisters. She has also told me that she wants her daughter to have nothing to do with people like me because I'm a "husband stealer" which is crap, they had been divorced almost a year when I met him. She's jealous that he was able to move on and move on with someone 10 years younger than her, lmao.

I could go on and on about the things she has done and said to DH and myself but I don't feel like writing a novel.

I just know that, that woman is so selfish and vindictive and is a total beeotch. I can not stand her or the ground she walks on. You try to be civil but she's always got some nasty remark to make and it just makes me sick.


clau 6 years ago

I married my husband almost 3 years ago I moved to the U.S. and give up everything I had in my country for him, I used to be business owner of an Engineer Contractor Company but I decided was time to love someone and enjoy my life with someone but and we have been going up and down in our marriage. When I meet him he was divoced for over 5 years ,he told me his relation with his ex-wife was a disaster swearing all time, she was in drugs for years and try to kill her self after that seems like now she wants to fix her life and be close to the kids she abandoned years ago.My husband rised the kids himself, he used to drop off 5 am in a daycare and pick up them around 4 pm, no guidence, no rules, no manners, he used to do everything for them and please them with everything they want. He didn't have good clothing or shoes because all the money he spend on the kids, he used to work a lot and the mother wasn't around. When I first meet the kids the house was so messy food , toys, clothes everywhere, the didn't make their beds, the never wear pijamas, etc The girl was 9 and the boy was 6 , and my daughter was 10.When I moved here I decide to help this kids give them some guidence, teach them a routine like brush their teeth, take shower, eat breakfast,etc and the didn't like because they never had to do anything, their mother wasn't around and my husband support me at that time, he realize they need structure and a lot of help. We used to work togheter and things were going OK, the kids grow now his kids are 13 and 10, my daughter is 14, and the kids's mom show up after rehab like a devoted god's daughter , she become Baptist and now my husband thinks is the best mother in the world, something is weird, he start acting different she demands many things and he let her do it, he is not taking decisions with me at all, like buying a cellphone for his daughter with unlimited minutes and texting and I have to help paying the bill. He is so concern his ex doesn't have a job so he has to pick up and drop the kids everytime she wants anytime, if we have any plans she call and demand something he just do it, and off course I complain so he says I am a difficult person he lost respect for me in front of the kids calling me names and making fun of me, I still loving him but I don't see him respecting me or loving me like his wife. I work from home and I travel once in a while and he is always jelous I get to go places and meet people, for me is my work when I go to conferences or business meetings , of course know different cultures.

Well now I make 40%more salary than my husband, we built a beautiful house bacuse I had savings, I feel he uses me and I am so blind, he and his kids and his ex are the same, disrespetful people, thinking in material posesions before feelings I don't know what to do???


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 6 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Perhaps if you sit down and speak with your husband about what you are feeling and how he is making you feel. Also, ask him what he is feeling. Make sure it is just the two of you alone, no kids around. Maybe suggest trying to go out to dinner together and start talking then.

Nothing is going to get resolved or figured out until there is some talking and feelings from both you and him.

Once you have your talk, then you should be able to figure out where you should go from there.

I hope everything works out for you! Keep me posted on your progress!


MMM 6 years ago

I can not believe that other people experience the same...

I have been married to my husband for over 3 years. Together for 4. He has three children 6-9.

We have one together.

His Exwife is the most selfish and undeserving mother to have that title. A mother does not act the way she does. We spent 4500.00 in court fees this year and still are having her pull crazy stuff like. Our visitation time is all christmas break. She is trying to deny us the break time and say we are not allowing her kids to see her husbands parents for christmas. Every other year is the visitation time for Christmas. We live far away so we look forward to it. She is trying to be manipulative saying we can have them if we give her 5 days of our time. UGH! Since when does she not have to follow court orders.

Sad thing we lost one of the children this year he was 8. And my husband and I had life insurance on the child. So we of course ended up paying for the entire funeral. And all the medical bills. Sad thing she still continues to be rude. Court documents say also when she comes within a certain distance we are supposed to have time with the kids. She just doesn't tell us when she comes. UGh! again. Since when does punishing the kids right for them?

I am not sure what modivates her to act this way. My husband is so great we pay child support buy over 10 outfits a year for them. And pay for all the travel when we go and get them every year. Weird that she moves and takes them out of the state and we pay....


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 6 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

MMM,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine losing a child.

These women are relentess. What can I say, I don't think there is too much that you can do. She's going to be the way she is, for what ever reason she's being that way. Hopefully she won't need to be dealt with once the kids are adults. Unfortunately, that will be a while but I guess all any of us can really do is wait it out...


Anna 6 years ago

Now I'm scared.

I am engaged to a lovely man with a daughter to his ex-wife. The daughter is lovely and she gets on beautifully with my daughter. She loves me and I love her. Sounds good? It's not. The ex-wife undermines us at every turn.

The ex threw my fiancée out 5 years ago as he'd given her a child and it was all she needed from him. But still it wasn't enough. She took the house, furniture, all assets etc which he happily handed over for the sake of his daughter. 5 years later and he's still paying off her house etc.

To make things worse she has driven a wedge between my fiancée and his family, by lying about him. He has never defended himself or his position as he doesn't want his daughter to experience any fighting or ugliness. His family barely speak to him and blame him for being a terrible husband and father. She claims that he left her broke, but we have the banking records to prove she's lying but still his wealthy parents pay for everything for their grandchild and also continue to pay off credit card debts she runs up. My fiancée pays $360 a week in child support plus any extra's his daughter needs, whilst we struggle financially. We can barely afford groceries most weeks and my daughter is suffering.

My relationship with my "in-laws" is compromised by the ex-wife always assessing my parenting skills and reporting on them and my motives are regularly being questioned.I have to perform perfectly at all times as does my daughter.

I treat the ex-wife kindly and respectfully as I don't want to be the bitchy-new-wife. My fiancée and I are excluded from all family functions and she goes in our place, to his family celebrations. His brother and sister in law refuse to meet me or have anything to do with me as I am the enemy. We've been living together for a year already and things are getting worse.

What do I do? I love this man but I don't know if I can live with his family situation the way it is. Too much time has gone past for a decent resolution and as my fiancée has never called her to account, no-one would be willing to listen. Anything we do would be seen to be nasty and having been driven by me. I feel sick over the situation and can't stop crying. Do I have to walk away from this man because of his ex-wife?


Jayne Fowler 6 years ago

Let's face it, all ex wives are bitches. No matter how much money their ex husbands pay in child support and extra curricular activities, it's just NEVER enough for them. I have yet to meet one who works a normal Monday - Friday 9-5 job; why should she? She's living off the ex husband's money. Let's talk about the term "Child" support. Since when are 20 and 22 year olds considered children? When does it end? My husband's ex wife is still a bitch and a pain in the ass even after I have been married to him for over 15 years and have been with him for 18. She claims that he treats our 2 children better and forgets that he has 2 other daughters. I am appalled by the laws that cater to ex bitches who do nothing but make it impossible for the ex husband to start a better life with a new wife. Get a real job, bitch!!! Start supporting yourself!! Be a real woman, you poor excuse for one!!


Leann 6 years ago

You think she has PAS? There is absolutely no truth to PAS and it has been used as a theory to take children away from good mothers as well as fathers and give them to abusive parents. In my case I am the first wife and my husband's second wife is obnoxious. I try to call to speak with the kids and I have to listen to her bitching. I try to take the high road and avoid the harsh words and just ask if I can speak to the children and the more nice I am the more she becomes hostile. Arghhhh I'm in a way a second wife myself as well. My husband has a daughter with another woman and it is no picnic with her either so I understand both sides of the spectrum. Good luck to you


anonymous 6 years ago

Reading these comments made me feel better because I thought that I was the only person dealing with this kind of stuff. The better of a stepmom I am, the worse I get treated by my husband's ex. Rather than being happy that I am a responsible person that loves her child, she is jealous of it. I have to remind myself that she is bitter and jealous of the fact that we are so happy. She is remarried to a guy who is psycho and I think that she now knows just how good she had it with my husband. She literally makes me sick. The best revenge is continuing to be happy and not react to everything that she does....by reacting, I am just feeding into her behavior.


Sharon 6 years ago

I think we need to start some sort of club, because I'm in the same situation. I feel like I have no one to talk to about it.


Julie 6 years ago

My husband & i have been together for almost two years, married for 3 months, and I have never delt with so much drama, arguments, and frustration in my life like i have dealing with his baby's mama! She left when the baby was 5 1/2 months old, and wouldn't let my husband have anything to do with him, then blamed it on him like he was the one that moved 15 hours away. We finally got to go and see him after fighting for custody for the past year in a half. She was completely civil while we were there, but as soon as we got home, she started pulling the same sh#! she's become famous for. She's jealous, & that apparently makes her do scandelous things. She pretty much holds that child over my husbands head in order to get what she wants. So what it's come down to is when she texts him pictures of herself, or flirty texts, i get to sit back and take it. We want her to move back up here so we can see his son more than once a month, but i'm so scared of the problems it will cause then. I've been trying not to let her get the best of me, but all my husband & i have done since we've been back is argue. He is afraid to say anything to her about her crossing the lines when it comes to our relationship, & the relationship he has to have with her in order to see his son. She's crazy & will use everything in her power to get what she wants. I don't know what to do, but im glad i found this discussion board cause atleast now i know i'm not the only one!!


Michelle 6 years ago

Julie: I dealt with the same problem w/ my husbands ex. she would continually be forthcoming with him and try to play him so she could get what she wanted. He thought he had to "go along" with her so he could see his son and not have problems. Tell your husband (from experience) this is going to cause damage to your relationship, be civil with her but don't give in to her excessive demands


been there 6 years ago

I am a long time in this and ex's get a new sweety, new sweety really wants old family to die, but never says that outright, instead they take the innocent children over the coals year in and year out. The Courts are useless, so what you have to do is move on, move up and make it better for yourself and children....You ask from them, then you give away your power, leave the ex behind you are not in his thoughts, your family cannot go away, as he wishes, so he sicks the new sweety on the old family. Fast forward 10 years, new sweety kid ends up dead in a car accident...So, you have to realize things do get paid back, but again the wrong people pay.....I have stopped wishing, started doing and just let it be and fell so much better about myself and kids. The kids get older and then they can build a relationship with the missing parent. That is their right. Hopefully all you lovely moms out their really trying to make a new home and new family can just get on...Remember, they can only hurt you if you let them. Do not plan them in your life leave the ex just hug the kids, welcome the kids his mine and ours you will be happier in the long run....I hope this does not sound trite or condescending it is not meant to minimize the struggle I am not I was in Court when the Judge lowered my child support, and I raised my hand and asked the Judge, "Which meal I could let my child do without, because that is what is coming to and I wanted everyone on the same page to have meals for my child." End of story, I was going to be held in contemp! There is no Justice it is JUST US! Hug your kids and let it go they none of them are worth the pain.

gurr


Lucy 6 years ago

Well, this is my story... I have been with my husband for 12 years and have married for 9 years. I had a son from my first marriage and he had a son from his first. Both boys were 3 years old and 10 months apart. Like all of u we had the drama, on the crazy ex. A few months into the relationship she decided she no longer wanted to be a mother and left her son at my sister in laws for her and her husband to raise. ( oh did I fail to mention that his sister is married to my husbands brother!) Needless to say my husband was very upset, especially since they had just gone to court, to increase visitation rights, that she was protesting. So back to court we go. At first my husband had agreed on no childsupport, which she was more than happy to ablige. However the judge refused, and ordered her to pay $ 120 a month which wasn't much but he didn't care, he just wanted his son. Years went by and she was seldomly around rarely picked him up. Then couple of years later, we decided to get married and guess who decides she wants to be a mom again? My husband always said it wouldn't last and he was right. The every other weekend lasted only a few months. She we found out she was pregnant again. My husband was annoyed and decided to take her back to court since she had never pd a dime of childsupport. He told her if she could support another kid in this world then she needed to support the one she already had. At first she petetioned the court stating the order was not for her since it hadn't included her whole name. So how was she to know that it was her court order. I guess one can forget that they gave birth to a child! Well, long story short we go back to court judge orders double the amt and insurance. Now she's pissed we get her poor sad story from her and from his sister my inlaws and even her grandfather...my husband is feeling bad about the whole situation wants just to cancel the whe court thing. That's when I put my foot down and say NO! She would have taken him to back to court the first mo. he didn't pay. Plus that was her responsibility! She brought this child in the world and it was only fair she help support him. I had been dealing w my sons dead beat father. And she was just the same, but a dead beat mother. 12 years later I still have to see her at every football game every party my sister in law throws and now my inlaws have joined in the band wagon. My inlaws had her for my SIL birthday dinner, Xmas and now new year. My husband feels bad and opted not go to new years bash w his family but he knew I was not going. He wasn't happy but I had to make my point. Life is to short to be mad, and if his family chose her over me. I'm ok w that. I love my husband and my kids but I don't have like his family. His sister even had the balls to ask why he couldn't go and why I didn't want to. She just couldn't understand. Well here it is. I don't want to be her friend. I have my own friends, that have morals and respect and I dont want to be friends w somebody like her.


PR 6 years ago

Hi, I have the same problem with my husbands ex. She is such an annoying cow! If only there was a way we can delete them from our lives:-)

Anyways, my husbands, ex is a really bad women, she had him thrown into jail just for seeing his own son! Even worst she tried to make it seem he is a violent vicious person, she even went to the extreme and wanted him thrown into a mental institution!!!

The women is phsyco and really needs a good beating lol... how i would love to be the one to do that!!! haha


Jessica 6 years ago

wow.....Iam also glad i have found this. My husband x is nutso as well she doesn't follow the rules for dads time the cops are always involved my daughters are 9 and 14. me and my hubby have 2 boys together.lies to the cops.we were supposed to have them for x mas guess what it didn't happen.its just like you said if it doesn't help her she doesn't want nothing to do with it. I am so sick of my 9 yr. old daughter telling us that she doesn't want to go to school on wed. mornings b/c she doesn't know when she will see us again. that brings tears to me and my hubbies eyes. i mean what type of person puts kids through that? my 14 yr. old use to pull her eye lashes out and has stop about 1 year ago but now she is starting to pull her hair out on the top of her head.we do have an attorney working for us but inside it feels like i am dyeing inside along with my husband cause things need to happen fast.we have been dealing with this for obver 5 years. she has a boyfriend but he is going through the same mess and doesn't make it any easier in his as well as her life either. my girls always have something to say as a story that happened a moms, like she throws things around yells a lot slams doors tell my daughters everything that goes on with child custody and the divorce its horrible.I have tryed so hard to be strong for my family sons daughters and myself ............... I JUST DON'T SEE WHY THESE TYPE OF SO CALLED WOMEN CAN NOT JUST PUT THE KIDS THE X THE NEW GIRLFRIEND LOVER WIFE IN THESE BUT MAKE THEM SELVES LOOK SO DUMB SAD LONELY HELPLESS. DO THEY NOT REALIZE THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEIR BABY DADDY FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES? what happens when the kids get married or have school functions and other activities


Sar 6 years ago

Wow, it is so great to know that I am not the only one. I knew that, but have never had anyone to relate to about my husband's ex.

However, my issues go even further that "michelle"(the ex wife) is dating "jon" (my ex husband)!!!! Talk about a mess. She gets her big butt in mine and my ex's business and then takes it out on my husband and the kids.

If eveyone was sane, it could be the best of both worlds. But she is crazy and bipolar and threated by me, so it is the worst of both worlds.

Her son has special needs. I wanted to meet with the Dr. so I could have a better understanding of what I can do to be the best support for him. She threw a fit and threated not to pay for his meds if I went. And that is just one issue....there are so many more like that.

Patience and kindess are all I can do. The kids see it and love being at my house. I just hope it is enough to help them become mature adults and no where near what their mom is.


mt 6 years ago

same here my husbands x wife is a degenerate gambling broke ass pill-popping secret psycho herself.


Dewey Cheatem profile image

Dewey Cheatem 6 years ago

I read this and thought wow your husbands ex may be my ex's sister. The selfishness. The constant calling with her troubles as if your husband should care. I have the same problems. I have joint custody and I take care of the kids about 80% of the time. I hope things have gotten better for you over the last 16 months. My ex's actions have greatly affected my ability to establish relationships with other women. The women I meet think that I am catering to her. What I tell them is that I do things that maybe other men would not do because it is in the best interests of my children. I will continue to watch out for their best interests. Good Luck and Happy New Year. I believe you are absolutely correct. Your husband's ex is bipolar.


Missy Poo 6 years ago

Ms. Fowler,

Not all ex-wives are bitches. I know this is site is to help the new wives/girlfriends/fiances deal with the ex's, but there are some truly genuinely kind ex-wives out there like myself. I have successfully moved on in my life. My ex-husband does not pay any court appointed funds to me because I can take care of myself and our 3 children. I do have issues with the new girlfriend, not because she is with my ex, because in that situation, I couldn't care less.

She is so determined to be rid of me and my children (because she doesn't have children of her own and wants one- my ex had a vasectomy after our 3rd child) she went to my ex's job claiming to be ME and filed a complaint. My ex is a cop and any domestic issues can cost him his job. She even went as far as attempting to file a PFA against him in my name. When the investigating officer called me to confirm some information, I told the officer I had no clue of what he was talking about. I went in with all of my identifcation to prove that I was whom I was. I felt for my poor ex because he was about to be placed on administrative leave w/o pay pending investigation. What kind of woman would do this to someone she claims she loves? I just know that as an ex-wife, I haven't done anything to deserve being called a bitch when I have done everything to protect the father of my children and a man I still consider a great friend. Not all ex-wives are cut fromt the same psycho nut cookie cutter.


Tiredofitall 6 years ago

I am in the same boat! I am comforted that I am not alone. One of the most important lessons I have learned to deal with her negative degrading comments about my husband is to hit End Call. I do not have to tolerate this kind of behavior. I have to love her because she is one of Gods children...but I do not have to tolerate this kind of behavior. I want her to be happy so the kids will be happy. So, I think I will let go and let God get her.


Kaye 6 years ago

I've been married to my husband for 5 months now, he has 3 girls from another relationship that fell apart 2 years ago. when I first met his ex she was very nice to me but given the things I had heard from his friends and family alarm bells rang, but I thought maybe 2 years is what she needed to change. Oh but then he proposed... All hell broke loose. she stoped him seeing the kids. Which broke his heart. after going to a lawyers to try and gain joint custordy, but unfortunatly we do not apply for legal aid and we can't afford to pay for it our selves all he could do is visit his kids at her house (which she proposed after a month thinking i would say no, but i love my husband and i trust him). so he arranged a date, thankfully his dad wanted to go and see the kids to. I say tahnkfully because when my husband arrived she held a knife to his neck, his dad was there to calm things down and call the police. The last time we saw his kids was at christmas when we had them 7 weekends in a row which we did not complain about we love having them over. she then decided that we shouldn't see them again... the reason his 9 year old found a pregnacy test (which is kept just in case, we are not trying yet, because we would like to have our careers stright first) She told my husband he has enough kids to worry about (?) and when he told her that she has no right to tell him about how we should live our lifes. Fair comment right? To this she said the most unspeakabul and discusting thing any woman could say to another... I hope your wifes barron also known as (I hope you can never have children). I have put up constant phone calls and we have moved 2 times just so she can not turn up in the early hours of the morning screaming abuse. I've been putting upwith this abuse since I said I Do and since I have suffered from depresion and stress. We have decided to start putting money away for christmas and birthdays, and my husband is writing letters every time he thinks of them to give to them when there older so they know they are missed and loved. I just hope and pray that they do not grow up to be a mini psyco ex.


Fed up  6 years ago

Wow this has been very helpful! I had no idea a website like this even existed. I am so glad it does! I am so sorry for everyones pain and suffering that has commented on this! I know EXACTLY how you all feel and it sucks......My husband and I have been together for 3.5 years and married for 2. We have a little boy together (1) and he has two sons with his ex-wife 3 and 6. We have shared custody and switch off weeks. My husband and I have been together since the youngest was 5 mos old. His ex-wife and him separated as soon as the baby was born....We have a wonderful marriage together and are so happy except for the ex-wife drama.......I could go on for days...At first I was the terrible person and she called my husband all the time and wouldn't leave him or his family alone. Then she decided she would talk to me and I have always been soooo nice because I am from divorced parents and know how it is and I did not want the children to suffer....Now she says I try to be the mother and overstep my boundaries and I am causing all the problems and am ruining everyones life......It drives me crazy! THe things she tells the kids about me and says and does. And her crazy boyfriend threatens me and cusses at me and stalks my family.......I feel like it is never going to end and sometimes I just want to take my son and walk away from it all. I love my step-sons as much as my son and to me they are my children. I do everyhing I can for them and to help them and I feel it is always thrown in my face. Now that the kids are getting older I fear that they will hate me because of what their mother tells them.....I try to talk to my husband about it and he is supportive but I feel like no one but you guys truly no how it is and understand....I wish everyone luck and I will take into consideration some of the things that you have posted...I must say that it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life......


stepmom in MI 6 years ago

My husbands ex wife has been nothing but a two faced bitch from even before my husband and I were together. She was raised with money and feels like everything should be handed to her. I met my husband shortly after she had cleaned their house out of all of their belongings and moved all of it including their two children together to a neighboring town about twenty miles away. And she did it all one day while he was at work. He came home to what was left in the basement and I'm assuming she only left that stuff because she was too lazy to carry it up the stairs. She filed for divorce a couple of days later and I finally agreed to go out with him. When she discovered he was dating someone she decided she wanted him back. She began showing up randomly to his house, sending him text messages, begging him to go to a religious retreat with her.

When her attempts failed she began to get angry and claimed my husband had beat her while they were married. She claimed he molested his daughter and when that didn't work she claimed his two nieces ages 7 and 9 had molested his daughter. She had it court ordered they could not have a significant other around their children until the divorce was final, and my husband had to refile about six months in so I went an entire year without being able to be around the children... So I couldn't be there for birthdays or holidays with the rest of my husbands family either. She called me a homewrecker and would try to find out information about me from anyone she thought knew me. She would hang out in the local bar I am a bartender at and use the state issued child support card to buy her drinks with and I would have to be the one to run the card even though I knew it was my husbands money. She lost her job as a teacher during their divorce and claimed in the newspaper it was because of her home issues. Later we found out she told a special education student that she was going to drag her to the office by her weave. After she lost her job she lived onwelfare for almost two years even though she is college educated and her family is quite wealthy. During the custody battle my husband submitted to a drug test, which she refused even after she admitted to smoking marijuana and they still got joint legal and physical custody. She finally got a job and now she has been trying to keep us from finding out where because she and my husband share debt and his checks have been garnished for the last year and a half because she was not employed. I've had former friends of hers tell me they are afraid of her. she hyphened her name when she married my husband and then refused to use his name while they were married. Now she only goes by my husbands last name. I could go on for days...


BABY MAMA DRAMA 6 years ago

SO HOW DO WE GET THE KIDS AWAY FROM THESE CRAZY MOTHERS ?? DIVORCES DON'T RUIN KIDS...CRAZY BITCH MOTHERS RUIN THEIR KIDS !


Another 2nd wife 6 years ago

I know they where other women like this but I didn't know how many, my husband's ex tired to kill him when he said he was leaving,she took out a knife and went to stab him thank God he got away with just a cut on his hand,she even said that she tired to kill herself she rang him and told him to pick her up at the hospital,she done everything you can think of,she was harrasing us and she went to the police and said we where harrasing her,and she is still using the kids when she don't get her own way,she asked my husband to go to the school of their son for 10 mins and she lives 120miles away when he said no because he had to pick up our son from school I had to work she got pissed and told his soon that our son was more importened then him (bull S!!T)she is the one that moved 120miles away,well that weekend his soon didn't come,after 5 years won't you think the ex would get a life but i quess not,I put it down to been jellous because they still want the man back but he don't want them and they can't stand it,but for how long do we have to put up with it.


The Almost Wife 6 years ago

I did not know about this site! Was just visiting my fiances sister today and had a heartfelt chat with her and her husband. I've had to deal with a Narissistic, selfish, disgusting ex-wife for four years! Part of my reasoning for not getting married when he and I planned. The silly thing is she cheated on him and left him! He has two children from this paternal mother. I think I have been more motherly than she ever has and I don't have my own children!

I too have treated them like my own when he and I lived together as did my sister and her family. After reading a lot of what others said on here~it is crazy how once the man they didn't want gets a new woman- she tries to act like he still belongs to her!! What's worse is my fiance's mother babysits for the ex when it's her week to have her kids. Why can't her own family help her out-oh did i tell you she moved back in with mommy and daddy and is 34 years old and makes plenty of money where she works to afford to have her own place and find her own babysitter? She also has always expected my fiancé to work around her work schedule and take the children whenever she needs him to regardless of his own schedule even though court documents state 50/50 custody. Yes he has his children every other week thanks to me offering to help him do that since at the beginning he only had them every other weekend. Because of her poor parenting skills I even at one point offered to help him get full custody. She almost let him!! Who volunteerily gives up their kids?! I think she realized she would have no control over him any longer and decided not to for her own selfish reasons. She too is a mother who buys them expensive things (meanwhile sponging off her parents and his mom) to make up for lacking being a good mother. I now live by myself though the children have often wanted to come over and stay over nite with me which I of course allow. I feel like I have gotten no credit for anything I have willingly done and I also feel he enables his ex to ask him to help her with what she needs to take care of herself!!! They have been divorced for four years and unfortunately never seems to be able to keep a boyfriend around enough to keep her from bothering my fiancé!! I feel his mother enables the ex from being responsible for her own children, so I am at wits end here! II love this man but am teetering on the edge of giving up! I don't think the situation will change. I have had to put my foot down on several occasions for her texting him or calling him for any small reason. He can't seem to stop giving in-he claims he is doing it for his children and fails to see how manipulative she really is! I'm so hurt and don't know if I should even try anymore.


What the Heck 6 years ago

My ex is the same way. She is nice, then the next minute she is extorting money from my wife and I. She plays the martyr. If we go on a vacation she calls up and cries that she doesn't have enough money to put our daughter through dance class or something. I am not behind in child support or anything. Honestly, my wife and I cannot do anything, put nice flowers in front of our house, buy a new TV, or go on vacation without being raked over the coals of hellfire and damnation; the ex-wife is always there to point the finger of shame and cry about how she doesn't have any money. She and her husband have newer vehicles that we do, and more expensive! We have a rusty Chevy s-10. She was married 3 times when I married her, she is on her fifth husband right now..... Tells you how smart I was at the time...


TJ 6 years ago

I cannot believe I'm reading all this...I'm in the same situation except I'm not married. We've been together ten years, he has two children 17 & 12. We recently bought his parents house which is just a few blocks away from her house. I've been here for eight months and I'm ready to move. She's a nut case! I don't need to explain it, since everyone is commenting, we all know the situation!


Fighting new wife 6 years ago

OMG!!! I thought that I was the only one with the "B-tch from Hell" to deal with! I'm glad to know that it's not only me with the problem. She's remarried and cheats on her husband and still tries to control mine!!!!!!!!!!!!


candice 6 years ago

My hubs ex is the same way..Will not do a damn thing if it is benificial to her.She does not spend CS on the kids,but it goes to her husband,and her bill.ie.her cell phone bill.She has made the same threats,called CPS with made up alligations,well that turned on her,she was found upon the interview and the written report that she was trying to interfere with hubs new wife and new life and just doing it,to basically to be shitty,it happended as we were in midst of custody and CS modification to. She drug my stepson out of our home after she agreed to let him live with us,cuz she got pissed I was selling what she thought was her sewing machine.She got preggers by her bf of a month,and then had the gawl to ask my hubs via txt to bring her doughnuts and milk,to her,and she was living in government housing at this time LOL..He did not do it,,told her oh well bascially,it was her bf job.iT is her way or no way at all.If we piss her off she keeps kids away or makes it very hard for hubs to see is own kids..It kills me these women and I use that word losely,that they think they made these kids on their own..LOl..I guess they think they just one day woke up preggers!! They do not use CS on the kids,and dare ask us for more money for extra things they need,we cannot and will not nor afford to take care of the kids both at her home and ours..LISTEN UP YOU EX WIVE GET A JOB AND START USING THAT LITTLE CARD WITH MONEY ON IT THAT IS CALLED CHILD SUPPORT ON THE KIDS AND STOP USING IT FOR WHAT YOU THINK YOU NEED!!!!! YOU CANNOT BE CALLED A GOOD MOTHER BUT AN egg DONOR!@!


Ben Alfie Oliverio 6 years ago

Ive heard these kind of mother's before. These kind of cases are very common in our place especially if their ex-husband have a good job and salary. they usually use their children for their own intentions and happiness. these mother's are very immature and self centered. they don't care if their children are okay and so.


lyndley 6 years ago

omg this is great i thought i was alone.


Teresa Kirkpatrick 6 years ago

My story of ex-wife abuse is so long, I could write a book. My husband and I have been married 26 years, and he was briefly married to a woman in another county (4 years) back in the eighties. He divorced her at the advise of her psychiatrist, who was also their marriage counselor. He says that he knew that she was not in good enough psychological shape to handle the responsibility, but she wanted to have a baby, to have someone who would love her unconditionally. He urged her to continue birth control until she worked out her brain chemical imbalances, but she decided to stop taking birth control without telling her husband (now my husband.) Long story short, she is from a wealthy "old money" family from the south, but she has totally used the court system to punish my husband. After his divorce in the eighties, the Reagan recession hit, and he lost his architectural practice. For a while, he was devastated, and lost everything. She was awarded everything in the divorce- his 10 acres of lake front property, which is now worth a small fortune, the house he designed and built, his father's handmade chandeliers, and his parents antiques. She also got full custody of their daughter. This was before the supreme court ruling which says that alimony had to take the estates of both parties into account before a judgement for spousal financial support could be made. My husband was ordered by divorce decree to pay $500.00 child support and $500.00 spousal support, which was a lot of money back in the early 80's. After losing his practice, he was penniless, and had to declare bankruptcy. His payments continued to mount, and he didn't know that he had the right to "petition the court" for a divorce decree modification. At first he got unemployment benefits, and paid her what he could, and he arranged for he and I to go down to her house and work for her in leu of paying the money. I will never forget doing carpentry work and repairs on her Japanese bridge and her boat house deck while she relaxed in her hammock sipping iced tea and acting like the queen. What was I thinking? I just tried to be nice and civil, and tried to focus on enjoying the physical activity. She did not report to the Tuscaloosa County DHR that her ex-husband was driving 150 miles on the weekend to do carpentry and repair work on her house. Not long after that, she filed a lawsuit against him for contempt of court, and he had to serve jailtime. She is from a politically powerful family ( her uncle was a state representative for the district at the time, and in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, the county government is very much run by the "good 'ol boy system. After that, my husband's health began to fail, and he developed diabetes, congestive heart failure, high blood pressure, and circulatory problems, which caused him, often, to not be able to work at the design/build company he created after his firm collapsed. He tried for social security disability benefits, but without an attorney, it is really difficult in the State of Alabama to achieve this sort of thing on one's own, because our state legal system is so complex and understaffed. Anyway, she finally remarried, and took him to court again, but this time, my husband was afforded a divorce decree modification, which worked to his advantage, and he did not have to go to jail. We live in a 700 sq. ft. house with one bathroom, in a lower-socioeconomic nighborhood, and she lives on Lake Tuscaloosa in a wonderful, contemporary home, built be my husband, on ten acres of prime-lack front property which has increased in value ten-fold since the divorce. The irony is, her uncle took my husband to breakfast one morning before they married and he urged him not to marry her, because, in his words, "She was mean, spoiled and mentally unstable." My husband didn't get to see that side of her, however, until after the wedding. Today, twenty-seven years later my husband has finally paid off his child support debt, and his social security check ( his only source of income at age 67) is being garnished to pay her back alimony. The interest is being charged at 12% and although he owes her less than $30,000 in spousal support, the interest has accrued to over $178,000. In the state of Alabama, one cannot have a driver's license or a passport if he owes more than $5000.00 in child support. He has paid that off, but still owes the interest. The interest is considered part of the arrearage, we found out the hard way. Because our State Departments do not answer the phones, and do not respond to voice mails, he decided to go to the License Dept. to see if he could get his driver's license, now that his past child support obligation is paid off. That is when he found out the hard way that interest is now considered part of the "arrearage." Because he missed a payment back in 2003, he had a warrant out for his arrest, which he knew nothing about. He is in jail at the moment. We still can't afford an attorney to deal with this, but I would love to file a class action law suit against the State of Alabama for undue stress and unfair penalty interest which can never be paid off in ones' lifetime because it accrues faster than one can ever pay it off- just like credit card debt. In the meantime, he and I have a twelve year old daughter at home, and she is emotionally distraught at the thought of her father being in jail. The last time he hired an attorney to appear in Tuscaloosa Count civil court at one of the hearings, the judge said, "If you can afford an attorney, you can afford to pay your child and spousal support debt, " and he was placed in jail again. The irony is, while he was in jail during that time, he could not work, so he got deeper and deeper in debt everytime he did jail time. Once his ex-wife told me that, "If she couldn't have him around her daughter as a Father, then at least she could have him close in jail." Several times I got credit cards specifically for the purpose of helping my husband pay back child support, and that got us in deeper debt. His daughter mostly lived with her Grandmother growing up because her mother was so unreasonable and verbally abusive to her. She lived with us briefly, after she called and asked because she said tht her mother was abusing her. Later, she went back home to live with Grandma, who by the way is like a saint. His daughter is now 26, he is still paying spousal support out of his social security for those first few years after he lost his architectural firm due to the first big recession, and he is currently in jail, while my daughter and I stuggle to make it alone. All these years, she has totally used the court system to punish her ex-husband, and she nor their daughter has ever gone without any comfort or designer clothes. On the other hand, we have driven one car for 12 years, still live in a one-bedroom, one bath house, have no savings, and I have driven my husband anywhere he needs to go over the past seven years because his license was revoked. For better or worse---


smhigginbotham profile image

smhigginbotham 6 years ago

Oh my gosh... I just laughed my butt off!! I feel your pain, but I can actually top it! My husband's ex-wife has a nanny too, that MY HUSBAND PAYS FOR!!! They've been divorced for years, but he still dishes out money left and right, and although they are to have 50% custody, I have their kids 80% of the time and I don't have a choice in the matter. I get stuck with his kids, my kids, and our child...with no money to even go to the grocery store with while she's going to Vegas and has a paid for nanny!! I'm so glad to hear that I'm not alone!! Thank you for sharing this personal post. It made my day!!


me too 6 years ago

I am very new to all of this. I am a very calm and rational person, but my Fiancee's exgirlfriend makes me want to speak without thinking, which is something I never do.

My fiancée and I met at work almost two years ago. He was with his ex at the time. They had broken up and she was suing him for things she paid for during their relationship when one drunken night she got pregnant. He moved back in and stayed in an unhappy relationship and tried to make it work for his unborn son. Since Ive known him he has been miserable. Out friendship grew little by little and in November he told me he was leaving her. Our relationship started at the end of December. Long story short we are engaged and very happy. His son is two and I adore him. This is all great except his ex is such a B&#^h. She constantly has texting wars with him calling me a C*&^, Whore and homewrecker. She says we are living in a fantasy.

I think she was the one in the fantasy. she got pregnant and was supposedly on BC.. and stayed with a man 9 years younger than her, had a baby, and let her daughter from her previous marriage get attached to my fiancée like he was her father, all the while knowing he did not want to be with her and refused to marry her. I know shes jealous and I'm sorry things went down the way they did but from what Ive read on this blog I guess it will probably just get worse. P.S. she has no idea we are engaged and she is still treating his mother and brother like her family because her family doesn't help her with shit. I dont know how crazy she is but I think I'm in for it. For now I can deal with the name calling and child support and selfishness. lets hope it doesn't get worse...


gaylegirl 6 years ago

It is really remarkable how many of these stories are out there. All of these stories are scarily similar to mine, with the exception that the kids are grown, 18 and 20, and still the madness continues. So the kids becoming adults is no guarantee that crazylazy ex will disappear or change (crazy because you know why, and lazy because she has not held a job for more than 3 months in the past 10 years or so).

Sadly, the only way the ex will "behave" is if hubby sets definite boundaries and makes sure everyone sticks to those boundaries.

Unfortunately for me, hubby is not mentally or emotionally strong enough to do this. For whatever reason, he feels guilty. I try to make him see that he is no longer responsible for her well being. Of course he doesn't see it. Lately, whenever I say anything, he immediately becomes defensive, and once in that stance nothing sinks in.

For the past few months, I've been refusing to fight or comment, and just observe. I've made up my mind that I am fighting a losing battle. How much longer can I keep banging my head against this brick wall? I have to think about whether I can live like this for 1 more week, 1 more month, 1 more year, or the rest of my life. Can I continue to put my child through this?

It's really bad when you have to face the reality that things will never change, and at this point, even though he is a very wonderful man, has given and shown me love like I have never seen or experienced, I would rather be alone than continue to live in constant conflict, not to mention the lesson I am teaching my teenage daughter. I never want her to be in a relationship like mine. I don’t want her to think this constant conflict is normal or acceptable. And, after 5 years it may be too late for me to teach her different.

I also find that I am building resentment in my heart, with each new day, with each “call about the children”, even though they are men. I resent him for choosing someone like that in the first place. I resent him for having 2 children with her, that kept him in that relationship for so long. I resent him for taking so long to leave, giving her a chance to sink her claws all the way in and get to know him so well so she can better manipulate him later on. And although we didn’t meet until just over 2 years after the divorce, I resent him for letting me believe he was free to be with me. I resent him for the years I spent, coddling him, encouraging him, supporting him, sometimes to my own detriment. I resent him for the years I can’t get back, now that I am faced with returning to the dating pool in my 40’s.


kickherinthegut 6 years ago

well, its less unsettling knowing that I'm not the only one having these experiences. I don't have the desire or energy to rant about this person because in all reality she's really not someone worth my thought or speech...but she holds something significant that I can not break...and she knows it. I've been married to my husband for almost two years and we just had a baby. In any case, this chic has been the devil's spawn from day one. They have a severely disabled child that my husband gets for short periods. Given the nature of the situation with the child I decided that I would not be involved in his care etc because this disgusting mess (the mother) had started using law enforcement etc to file false claims against my husband and I. Apparently he's been accustomed to these antics and has playing into for many years. I, on the other hand, come from a peaceful background and was not about to be in the middle of any trailer park madness. So I politely documented her tendencies with the powers that be (each police department that she created a false report with)...as well as her beloved "lawyer"...making it very clear that her time was up with that angle. She still gives him difficulty but quietly...she was also made to understand that she could NOT call my home under any circumstances because its my line for business. So that cut any further opportunities for that. He makes whatever communication possible on his own and that's fine with me.

My problem is that I resent the fact that I have to be even associated with a situation like theirs. I resent the financial losses and difficulties I've had to face accomodating my husband's attachment to this child (almost obsession until I eventually called him on it two weeks after our child was born). I resent having to worry about my kids when this kid and this woman will forever be covered by the state/government and she's even had the nerve to go on vacations when she's barely ever with the child to begin with. We are in the process of buying another home and there's all this tension because even though I love him...I CAN NOT stand his baggage and its causing a major problem between me and him. For a while I wouldn't even be in the same room with him and the child but I've come around concerning the child. The child is innocent and as a person of faith I have to know that that kind of resentment is just awful and wrong. So I'm just really trying to move forward. We are moving a far enough distance to accommodate what I need finally and enable me to earn the kind of income that I need and utilize my talents and degrees.

I think that's one of the most upsetting things, having some meth head trailer park chic calling the shots randomly when I've worked my behind off in my life to accomplish things just to be stifled and feel limited in where in the world I can live because I'm married to a man with a disabled child and a gutter chic who happens to be the ex-wife and mother of that child. I know that I'm wrong in some of my attitude. Its just really difficult and we now have started our own family together. I want my children to see the world...if I choose to raise them anywhere in the world, I would like to be able to exercise that option and not be stuck because of this woman or the child. Its entirely upsetting and everytime (whenever the subject of this individual comes up) I get extremely angry with him. I think it would be best that he not involve me or talk to me about any of it...since he can't seem to put his own foot down about his situation with this person. I'm not interested in being dragged down by or into their drama. I wasn't there when their situation happened so I don't need to be involved. The only time I'll have anything to say is if she brings that bs to me. Otherwise, it just needs to be non-existent.


Kathleen 6 years ago

My heart goes out to you. My husband's ex-wife is a self-centered, unhappy, irrational whack job! She left him and said she never wanted to get married again and that she only stayed with him as long as she did because of their son since he was a "surprise". She never wanted kids! As soon as I came into the picture, out pops Ms Multiple Personality!

She was already remarried since she found out the grass wasn't greener and didn't like supporting herself, but for one of her many demented reasons, it wasn't okay for him to get remarried. She started telling lies to his son, trying to drive a wedge between us. The list of crap she pulled goes on! Everyone knew that she was the boy's mother but her. The thought of him having a step-mother that he may actually like being around freaked her irrational mind out. That witch willingly jeopardized her sons emotional stability to have total control over him. How sick minded is that . Thank goodness he is grown and she can't pull that crap anymore because he'd figure her out.


fern24x7 6 years ago

Hi. We've been married for the past 5 years. My husband's marriage broke up 11 years ago when she walked out on him with a 2 year old daughter. After no contact with the child, who'se now 13 and the ex wife, he suddenly gets an email from the child a month ago.

Well, to cut a long story short, the ex wife sent the child to spend 5 days with us. It was a trying time for everybody since the child being at a rather difficult was confronted with a lot of her online activities. Now the child has gone back to her mum, but the ex wife and my husband continue to keep in touch by email or phone. This is quite hard for me to accept, though to all external evidence they're only talking about the child. To show him I could be quite mature about this I had emailed his ex wife just expressing friendship, to which she replied with an equally friendly email.

I don't know whether I need to worry about what's happening. Maybe my fears are that my husband will have to start getting more involved in the child's life, financially especially and the demands on me may increase.

HELP!!


jacinda 6 years ago

OMG!!! It is an epidemic in this country!! Not all women but a lot of them are acting this way? What happened? Ive been on both sides of the fence, Im an ex and a second. I just find myself asking the question, who raised these women? My mother would skin me alive if I acted like that!

Yes, we should start a support group for women who are dealing with baby mama drama. Then we start a legal fund to help people (especially dads) maintain their legal right.

We are almost 10,000 in debt just trying to get my husbands son safe from his crazy mom. Now, Im looking at another 4,000, to fight off my abusive alcoholic ex off and to top it all off, he has another baby mama in ca who has refused him ANY TYPE OF CONTACT (no phone, letter, nothing) because she has decided that she wants another man to raise her daughter. (But please keep the child support coming!)

I work 6 days a week and have no money. My husband is now staying home with the kids, who can afford daycare? But dont worry, she's got a brand new travel bag that matches her wardrobe. Me, Ive got shoes on that are almost 9 yrs old and are causing me pain. The kids, will NEVER be hungry, will NEVER be cold and will NEVER feel unloved by me. NONE OF THEM, ALL 5.

I cry every day.

maybe we should start up a support group!


chanelmink 6 years ago

I carried a locked and loaded gun during my pregnancy because I was completely convinced my husbands ex was going to cut my baby from my belly. She hired a PI to follow me, my husband and our attorney. SHe told the boys that daddy never loved you. The court evaluator found that she was incapable of a loving relationship with any person and she was (the type of liar where you don't know fact from fiction) but that she was the better parent and I was actually the reason for their relationship demise.

So yeah I deal with a woman that I live in constant fear of hurting me, my baby or my husband (she tried to kill my husband at least three times that we know of).


CHRISTY 6 years ago

MY HUBBYS EX IS THE SME WAY BUT WE DONT GET TO SEE HIS DAUGHTER MUCH THE EX N HER MOTHER HAVE TOLD THE LITTLE GIRL THAT IS 10 YEARS OLD THAT IM GOING TO BEAT HER OR SOMETHING SO WE GET TO SEE HERE MAYBE 1 TIME EVERY OTHER MONTH IVE NEVER HURT A CHILD N NEVER WILL I HAVE 2 BOYS OF MY OWN WITH HIM N WE TRY TO GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS N TEACH HER RIGHT FROM WRONG AT THE SAME TIME BUT ONE WRONG WORD N WE DONT SEE HER FOR MONTHS I TOLD HER NOT TO HIT HER LITTLE BROTHER THAT IS 2 AT THE TIME N WE DIDNT SEE HER FOR 3 MONTHS OR EVEN TALKED TO HER OVER THE PHONE I HAVE TRYED EVERTHING TO BE N THIS LITTLE GIRLS LIFE N NOTHING WORKS SHE COMES OVER JUST TO GET HER DADDY TO TAKE HER SHOPING OR GIVE HER MONEY N GIVE HER MOMA MONEY N THEN GOES HOME TILL SHE WANTS SOMETHING ELSE N YES HER MOMA GETS CHILD SUPPORT BUT STILL CALLS US FOR MORE MONEY LIKE IT GROWS ON OUR TREES OR SOMETHING WE HAVE 2 BOYS TOGETHER AGES 3 N 1 WE CAN BE GIVEING THEM BOTH MONEY ALL THE TIME ITS JUST SO HARD HANDLEING A EX WIFE


MJoyG 6 years ago

I knew there were others out there, I just dont know any personally... so thanks for sharing! I met and fell in love with an amazing man. He is a 34 yr old divorcee with 3 kids. (5-9) The ex wife had an affair with a 24 yr old pizza boy from work and divorced my fiance. The divorce was over 2 yrs ago and the ex has had a baby with the new guy since. The ex was asking my fiance up until we met last summer if he would take her back, even with a new baby and he was honest and told me in the beginning that he had considered it because he hated not living with his kids. Fast forward 8 months later, he proposes and I get along with the kids well. So well that she even sent me a message thanking me for being so good to her children. Then we find out her and the new boy are breaking up.. a few days ago my fiance left his email open on his laptop and I saw more than a few messages from her. I know its terrible but I looked at them. 90% were standard normal emails on kid pick up times etc.. but there were two that stuck out. One where she sent him a "hey" email at 11pm and he responded the next morning asking what she needed. She tried being evasive "nothing, forget it" they went back n forth with him asking what was wrong. I think the part that bothers the most is him being so concerned but yet never asking if the KIDS were ok. The other was a few weeks after he proposed and she was looking for sympthay again and they had a little "talk" He told her that he might have taken her back before me but that time is gone and she kept saying "i dont think you would accept new baby and i know you love seeing me miserable.." After this, things just feel different to me. It almost feels like I dont know if I should be here. Do they still love each other? Does he still love her? Why would he care to see her unhappy unless he cares? He is a great man, a great father and the most incredible man I have ever met. I have dated two men in my life that didnt have this baggage but there was still a lot of problems and not as good to me as him. I'm so confused..


Jenni 6 years ago

I feel so much better now that i have read all these similiar stories. I never thought there were so many crazy, psycho ex-wifes that were so similiar to my husbands ex.

I am also an ex but have never had any drama like this. Im pretty laid back so if you are with my ex husband and treat my son right then I am fine with you!

However, I am the 2nd wife of my husband, he has 3 children from his first wife, i have one with my ex and we have one together. At first i didnt bother myself with her drama but the more it went on and the more i saw her manipuation tactics with my husband, i started putting my foot down. Not to her but she knew the reason she wasnt getting her way was because of my influence on him. She would tell me to shut up in front of the kids and would cuss me on the phone if she didnt get what she wanted or if i even said a word so i tried to avoid all contact but she continually started crap all the time. She is definetely a Narcissist, no doubt about it. She thinks she is above the law, doesnt have to obey any court orders or any laws. She up and moved the kids 90 miles away, didnt tell the kids, did it when they were visiting us and broke the court order. The courts did nothing but change the visitation so she wasnt held accountable. She has put dentists bills in his name and her address and we have had to contest them on his credit. She recently used his medical card that is for his children for herself because the daughter and her have the same first name (pretty pathetic, get a job!). She used it to get free perscriptions for herself by using the medical card and her daughters medicaid card and date of birth (narcotics and birth control, my step daughter is 12). So she not only is defrauding our insurance company but also medicaid. She got medicaid on the kids because she refuses to work. She has had more than 8 jobs in the 5 years I have know him (hasnt worked in over a year and half lately), multiple vehicles (at least 8, some we know have been repossesed). i dont know how she pays her bills. Her water has been cut off numerous times and the kids have to go to neighbors or friends to take showers, power has been cut off and phones cut off multiple times. You cant believe anything she says, she continually lies about everything even if you have written proof right in front of you. Its a drama fest every day. And there is nothing we can do to get custody of the kids and they are going to turn out to be just as manipulative and decietful as she is, it has already started. Very sad situation and it gets to me and makes me miserable but I am going to try to do what Monawrites suggests. Sometimes its just too much to take and she nevers seems to be held accountable.

I believe in Karma but dang where are you karma??? She needs a good swift kick in the gut and her reasoning is that she does what she has to do. I guess that means breaking the law too. She disgusts me in ever way and the fact that someone like that is allowed to raise children.


idahofarmgirl 6 years ago

I can relate to you. My husband's ex is a WHACK job. She has control issues and is always trying to get $$$$ out of us. My husband is current in his daycare and child support, but his ex is always demanding for more. It would be great if the ex would just ask nicely, but thats not how she operates. She is CRAZY...LOONEY...BIOPOLAR. Of course, at first we had a fairly decent relationship. I was friendly to her because I really had no reason not to be...until the ex started showing her true colors.

Get this...my husband's ex was with the army national guard reserves...met and started dating "Ken". The ex found out that she was going overseas, so her and Ken decided to get married so she could get more money for "dependant pay." Well, six months after she was overseas...the ex decides to file for divorce from Ken because Ken was cheating on her. How did the ex know that Ken was cheating on her while she was overseas? It was probably the other way around. During Xmas the ex called me and told me that there was no way that her and Ken would get back together. Plus, her mother "Lindia" had told me that there was no way that the ex and Ken would work things out. I felt bad for everyone...especially Ken's daughter and son and also for my husband's son. This is the kicker...Ken and the ex got remarried and then 6 months later renewed their vows...WTH?! Is that messed up or what?

There are days I wonder what my life would be without the ex...peaceful, quite, calming and NO DRAMA.

My husband works hard and has always supported his son, but the ex refuses to let my husband see, talk or have vistation to his son. Granted my husband got into some legal issues awhile ago, but that does not mean that his ex has the right to refuse my husband his visitation rights to his son.

The only time that the ex calls is demanding MORE money and to complain that my husband is bad father. The ex has written emails to my inlaws stating, "you are to have any contact with my son because you are the parents to my ex husband." But, the ex will call my inlaws before his bday and Xmas...she will let them know what the kid likes, size of clothes, games, etc., that he is into...WTH? The ex gets upset when she doesn't receive anything and then demands to know why...come on...can't you remember or did your biopolarness kick in?

If I could have my way...I would make an island were all the crazy and DRAMA ex wives had to live...which of course is far and away from all of us!


Enduring 6 years ago

My story is similiar to many I've read. I met my ex-husband when I was 17. He was 20 and had two children out of a previous relationship.

Despite the warnings, I made the decision to be with him and get married. Then everything went downhill. The baby mama started demanding more and more child support, and no visitations. - like the money is good but how dare the boys have to be seen by their father. She lost. Shortly thereafter we had our first son. During the time I was pregnant with him, so was she. She swore up and down that my ex-husbands brother was the daddy. He took her to court to prove otherwise, and he won. So what happens - she says the baby is my ex-husbands and he just allows it. - so proof of him cheating on me number 1.

She also tried to tell the courts I abused her kids, which was so shocking to hear someone lie like that about you under oath - it was another dose of how improper people are - and I was pretty young and had lived a pretty sheltered life before meeting any of them.

The judge disagreed with her on that from listening to social workers that had talked to the kids and threw that accusation right out, but she never gave up telling her kids that I abused them and to this day the oldest one tells everyone I abused him and he is 20!!

I dealt with the humiliation, and try to make our marriage work and we have a second son 3 years later. Lo and behold she ends up pregnant again with a daughter. Which she says is my ex-husbands. So we go through the drama again.

Meanwhile, his parents are trying to do the 'right' thing by having her to every holiday because she's the mother of their grandchildren & humiliating me all in the process because I guess this mother of their grandchildren who is married to their son means nothing.

My ex-husband repeatedly cheated on me with her and they had several miscarriages.

On Christmas Eve my ex husband cheats again, but this time tapes it... so I can see it on Christmas Day!! so I leave for good.

While we were separated and living in different homes - for 3 years before our actual divorce- I had thought I found a 'real' man and proceeded to have a relationship with him about a year before we actually divorced. We ended up having a child.

Of course my ex-husband couldn't believe I would 'do that' to him, like I'm never allowed to be happy or move on in my life so he made sure that my third child was 'legally' his because we were still married. All the while he had her pregnant too and she had another kid a few months after I did.

Almost immediately after we divorced, he married the other baby mama stating he it was so he wouldn't have to pay child support.

We live in a very small community and the entire situation was very overwhelming and distraughtful for me.

We have joint legal and physical custody with no child support because that is the way we wished it.

I ended up moving out of state for 3 years, with me having the boys in the summertime because of schooling and on holiday breaks. Which was also a decision we made. Now I've been back in the same state for over 5 years, and the childrens father, the other 'baby mama', and her older kids have drilled it into my boys head that I abandoned them -even though they came to stay with me and we had constant contact.

My ex-husband is already divorced from the other 'baby mama' so that didn't last too long, but the fact that she feels she is entitled to more rights on my 3 children than I am is really getting under my skin -because she 'raised' them in those 3 years or so she says.

Of course my ex is finding this all too enjoyable I am sure. And he is now making it a point that we have to split our holidays with her as well as if two different schedules weren't enough.

And to top it off his oldest son, who is supposed to be an adult now, had the nerve to get in my face the other day in front of my young children and tell me that I am lucky that his dad allows me to see my kids because I abandoned them. I told him he was not to talk to me that way in front of my kids and obviously they have no idea what abandonment really means.

These people are really disturbing and all the emotional turmoil they continue to put me through and keeping my kids from being able to have a happy normal life is really getting to me.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 6 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

I just want everyone to know that I read and have read every single comment that you've posted and I feel for you all. My drama continues as I always knew it would... I should be finished my next hub shortly if you would care to read it. It's entitled: Dealing with your husbands ex-wife - The Saga Continues.


gaylegirl 6 years ago

I know how you feel "kickherinthegut", all I hear is "oh she's mentally ill, she's this, she's that..." and the pity for her continues. He forgets that I was pretty much homeless myself, suffering from a severe bout of depression, with a small child, and I managed to pull myself up, through pure will poor and determination, without the help of medication or any of the many other choices she had at her disposal, that he provided for her. I went from homeless to buying my own home, with no co-signers or help otherwise, in 5 short years. But he feels sorry for her, some one who didn't hold a job the whole 20 yrs they were married, and who, knowing the relationship was coming to an end a good 5 years before the actual separation and divorce, didn't even try to go into some kind of training program, or school, or anything. Because in her mind, she is the mother of his children, so she feels entitled to whatever she wants.

My husband got a promotion a few months back, and this nut wants to take him to court to modify child support - did I mention the kids were 18 and 20. I've told him to see a lawyer, just talk to one, to see what his options are and to make sure that all her threats are BS (which I already know). He refused, still in fear that she will try to take part of his pension, which he has tried really hard to keep her away from.

But last week something changed. I don't know what did it. Maybe it was her continually calling and me not reacting, which just made her call more. She only stopped when I threatened to call the police and have her arrested for harassment. Or maybe it was the night she called at 3:30 am, ranting about some none sense about the children (again, they are 18 and 20) and in the process calling me the "f*@king c@nt you sleep next to every night..." (which made it quite clear the call was ultimately not about the children at all, but about her lonely, miserable existence).

(It was super quite, it being 3:30 in the morning, and her yelling into the phone, so I heard every word she said)

I think it was that night that may have changed it for him. Hopefully he had had enough. But I think, probably it was knowing me (almost embarrassed to stereotype myself as the "hot blooded west indian" but in this instance it fits) and that my next step was going to be to invite her over to the house. Having worked in the state's attorney's office (or D.A. or prosecutor, it differs from state to state) for years, I knew that once she crossed my thresh hold, just one foot, all bets were off..... although I don't condone violence, I had had enough at that point. 3:30, and not being able to go back to sleep (after beeing startled out of a deep sleep) on a morning that I had to get up at 6 to get the kid to school and me to work.

The next day (or rather later that day), I don't know what got into him, but he called her and went up one side and down the other. Which I thought was just great (about time), until the call from the older son, because of course, he heard the story with her spin on it. He later made the appointment to speak to a lawyer. I have to say, this is the most "airy", uplifted (I don’t know any other word to use) I have seen him in a long time. For the past few days he actually looks like he was carrying a 500 pound weight on his shoulder, and now there is a bounce in his step. He smiles more freely. Even people at work have commented on his new, happier disposition.

He got confirmation about what I've been telling him all along. Working in the court system, I know how things usually go, and now judge would take more money from a hard working man, who was left with barely enough to live on, and give to a lazy, parasitic, leech who needs to get a job. And I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that the kids are 18 and 20.

I have to say, I have so changed the way I look at him now. In my previous post a few weeks ago, I was on the verge of packing it in (actually started to save the printer paper boxes at work). I was tired of being more of a “man” than him when dealing with this situation. He has shown me the mental strength I thought he was lacking by finally see that attorney. And I am pleasantly surprised by the emotional strength he’s shown too, by not backing down after the conversation with his eldest. Maybe the counselor was right, I needed to be the man, until he was ready to take reigns. Maybe he finally learned that he could depend on my strength, that I meant it when I said I was quite willing to be the rock he could lean on that would allow him to be the “big, strong” man he needed to be.

This is a relationship and story in progress. We’ll see where it goes from here. We still have our issues, like her just happening to pick father’s day for the graduation party (when the last day of school was 2 and a half weeks ago), and him believing it was an oversight, “because it was the only day left because the boy wanted to go to the other parties”. Her picking a fight the week before to ensure that I would not attend, but you know what? I can live with this….it is a big day for their son, and I don’t mind him being around the boys on father’s day, knowing there will be ample “buffers” around that will prevent any big blow ups between the hubby and the ex. And I know he will enjoy a nice afternoon BBQ with the boys, time that he rarely gets to spend with them.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 6 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Gaylegirl, I'm glad to hear that things are starting to look up!


Suzi 6 years ago

Wow, nice to know I'm not alone! I've only been married a short time, but my husband has been living with me for over the past year. He moved in with their two boys (well actually, one is his...the other is his ex wife's with another man, but since the son doesn't know that...my husband keeps raising him). Since we have the kids, we obviously pay no child support...but guess what...either does SHE! Instead, we pay her alimony, her motorcycle payment (although it's in my husbands name because she can't get it in hers), her cell phone, a dental bill (for get this...her false teeth because drugs ruined her own teeth), and ALL the joint bills from their marriage (credit cards, loans, etc.). In all it's over $3,000 a month. To top it all off, the courts awarded her this much because a) she can't hold down a job, and b) she said that's what she needs for rent, food, utilities, etc. They not only didn't make her look for work, but she lives with her boyfriend who completley supports her (even my step sons say so). My husband makes decent money, as do I, but I can guarantee we don't have the free money that she does every month.

To make it worse, she's never there for the kids. They go to her house every other weekend, but she's out all day and night, leaving them with her boyfriend. She does drugs, sleeps around with everyone in town (to the point actually that her boyfriend is contemplating leaving her and the kids are worried because it's the only thing from keeping her homeless or dead). She drinks and uses drugs, drives the boys recklessly on the back of the motorcycle.

We don't know what to do. Financially, we struggle to pay bills. Not to mention, between the two of us we have five (5) children...two mine, three his (2 of which are from this woman). If she recks the motorcycle or seriously hurts someone, they could come after us (since his name is on the motorcycle) and because of community property laws, I could lose the house thats in my name. We also not only fear for the boys safety, but about their future. She once told her oldest son, she didn't have to work...his dad was her paycheck. He thinks this is okay and has already begun making plans (he's 16) for when he turns 18. He's going to abuse the same system, welfare fraud, mooching off people, he even said he'd work, fake an injury and get workers comp. The younger boy (14) came to my house as druggie. He has since cleaned up and is doing really well in school and everything...but I'm afraid to death that her influence will bring him back down.

This past week, her oldest daughter (21 I think) from get this....yet another guy (yep, 3 men, 3 guys...and several abortions) needed food. My husband and I being the Christians that we are took it to her. She also can't get public assistance anymore (because of welfare fraud) but she's pregnant and we felt bad. We go there and she's got a house full of people and it appears they were using drugs in the bathroom. I am conflicted. Conflicted between my Christian beliefs and just saying "enough is enough." These are people who refuse to help themselves. They lie, cheat, and steal. HELP...needed to vent and could use advise.


CYNTHIA 6 years ago

Where is the protection from these types of women. The police, courts and attorneys have no idea. These women have no boundries. They hurt everyone in their path. My pain is with the children of these families. They become numb, desencitized and will pass these terrible behavioral habits and miss givings to there own children. These mothers should be ashamed of themselves.


lauren 6 years ago

i have been doing the same with my huband's ex. she has called CPS on us twice and accused my son(7) of assaulting her son (8). when that didn't work and cps closed the case she called again saying my son was being abused....needless to say that case was closed too but it is constantly one thing after another with her. She tries everything in the book to come between my husband and I. she will text me things like "tell your husband to stop calling me at night" she has even had her friends call my work to tell me they are still talking. she gets 1600 a month in child support but can't pay the bills that she got in the divorce so now my husband's credit is shot. then she takes us back to court for more money because we bought a new home and a escalade....well because these things are in my name she got nothing and is now not leting the kids see their father. the oldest (8) has called us at 3am before crying for us to pick him up because his mom is getting drunk and acting stupid with her boyfriend while the other two (6) and (4) are there watching her. its ok for her to keep the kids out all hours of the night but if anything happens at our house she calls CPS!! one of the kids stepped on a piece of glass while with us and i take him to the dr, she shows up with CPS, cops screaming and yelling that i did it to him. I know she is not all there that is why my husband left her in the first place. the counslers that the kids go to have even said that they don't need to be there that they are adjusting well despite all of this and they have recommended her for counseling. i just don't understand these women. My ex husband and i have a child together and it is totally opposite. I don't ask him for child support and he provides for his son and if he were to need anything all i have to do is ask. I don't put restrictions on when he sees his son and my ex just had another baby and will be getting married in december and i am nothing but happy for him. why do some women use their own kids to hurt the ex?? it is sooooo frustrating.


jennshealthstore profile image

jennshealthstore 6 years ago from Florida

I actually wrote a hub on how you should get along with ex spouses new husband/wife, especially if there are children involved. I am on the other side of it. I am the ex wife and he has a new "wife", they are not married but have 2 children together. We get along great and I know that this person is going to take care of my child when she is with them, so for my child's sake, we should get along. It has a lot to do with power and insecurity. The ex, most of the time feels as if something was taken away and wants to get that power back. Just knowing that somebody else can make your ex happy is hard on the ego for some people, so they decide to make the ex's life and the new spouses life hard. I do not think it is right, and she should be worrying about the children feelings more than her own.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 6 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Jennshealthstore,

I agree completely. In a perfect world, everyone would be able to get along. I have an ex-husband who's ex and I got along great. She even did my hair for our wedding and attended it. I have another ex who's new wife is a nightmare and my now husband's ex is a nightmare. I think I've experienced all angles of these situations.

I hope things can change for the better but some people are just impossible. It must be a team effort from all parties or else it won't work properly.

Thanks for your comment!


Portia 6 years ago

Okay I thought I was the only dealing with a B*%^# from hell! My husband never married his ex, she just got pregnant to collect child support. She did the same thing when I met her in the beginning, did the fake nice act in front of my husband but became jealous, manipulative and competitive once we got married and had a baby. This lady has brainwashed their daughter from day one to hate/disrespect her dad, myself and now our son. Unfortunately my husband is too scared to challenge his ex because he hates confrontation so his ex and their daughter walk all over him and I have to stand there and not say anything! I'm so frustrated with this situation. This has been going on for 13 years. She uses the child support on herself (major plastic surgery!) His daugher just comes here to go shopping and then leaves, never spends quality time with her dad, just views him as an "ATM machine". Its really hard to sit in the sidelines and watch this happeneing but I know I'm the type of person that will blow up one day then lookout!! We only have 2 more years of this and I know it wont be the last.


Jen 6 years ago

I have been dealing with a psycho ex wife for over a year. I am with her ex and she is with mine, so I can't get away from her. She is mean to my kids (and hers for that matter). Her oldest son lives with us because he can't stand her. Her 13 yr old daughter acts like her and has nothing to do with us because she has brainwashed her and we see the 6 yr old every other weekend and every other Monday when it's conv. for her. She is a controling bipolar Bi*&^. She has put my kids in her basement for hours at a time while her kids are upstairs, she let her kids pack their lunches and not mine, she makes my 9 yr old do her laundry and she don't even work! They don't let any of the kids call us when they have their visitation and took my daughters cell phone for 9 months until it came time for my 2 wks of vacation time with the kids. But get this, I am blocked from my own daughters phone and her fathers. I have been for a yr. Anytime they are sick or I have an emergency, there is NO communication and we currently have shared parenting. I have filed for custody! A month ago the ex's gf called my kids fu*#ing brats and told them all to get the hell out of her house and my ex still stayed with her. Our children are a mess over this crazy bi*%$. How can a father allow his children to be subject to this type of environment and do nothing? To top it off, I took a vacation day this past Friday to take all of the kids to an amusement park and my boyfriends ex wife showed up and tried to take her 6 yr old from me while she was in my care (dad vacation time). I had to stand in front of her while she and her 13 yr old screamed in my face and I shoved her away and the shit hit the fan. We ended up on the ground and have to go to court for disorderly conduct. I hope she feels stupid because I got to leave with her daughter and she made an ass out of herself. She had the nerve to try to show up at our house later that night to pick up her daughter again. This psycho don't care about the law, she thinks it's her way or no way. Now she won't stop calling us. UHHHGGGGGG!!!


Candy 6 years ago

Read this one! X-wife keeps showing up at the door with all 5 kids homeless....HE keeps taking them in to LIVE with us..and I am the mean one because I want HER to leave!!!!!


Anna 6 years ago

OMG! I'm not alone! My husbands ex manipulates the kids so they are "busy" and can't come over when it's his time to have them. The oldest is almost 15 and totally her mothers daughter. It's sick to see the path she is on. My husbands ex had multiple affairs while married to him and has a child with one of them. He continued to pay everything for her until I came along and that pissed her off good. She's unbelievably controlling and manipulative and teaching the girls the same behavior. I liked the kids in the beginning but they purposely talk continually about their mother when they are here. My husband is so whipped that he doesn't do anything because he's so afraid he won't get to see the kids at all. I could never imagine being so horrid to my ex.


Wife#2Wendy 6 years ago

Wow...it's amazing how many of us are going through this BS. There is just tooooo much for me to write here, but I'll share some. :)

My situation is bad as well. The ex manipulates and controls my husband to the point where I don't know what to do. They have 3 kids (8,7,5), and they're essentially her money tree. She has a master's degree in nursing, yet she hasn't worked since I've known her, all the while drives a big huge SUV that she just got, has another new car as a spare, lives in the house from their marriage in a nice development, etc. Then she has the guts to ask him to buy the kids clothes, shoes, send food home for them (which she then eats herself), etc. She doesn't work...we can't figure out how she pays for her lifestyle. He pays her a lot for child support, but not nearly enough for all the things she has like extra cars, a live-in nanny...

The really bad part for me is, hubby will NOT stand up to her ever. He lets her control his schedule, take the kids extra time, etc. I'm all about spending time with them, but we have them every other weekend now plus 2X during the week. On our off weekends, she has her mother or his mother watch them...she NEVER has them on a weekend. Her social/drinking life is way too important for that. She constantly verbally insults me when we go to pick them up to the point that I have just stopped going. I can't stand it anymore, b/c he won't say anything to her. She even sends texts to him saying I'm a "stupid f***ing b****", wench, whatever evil BS comes to her tiny little mind. If things were reversed & my ex was doing that to him, I would put a stop to it. But he never says anything. I've been over & over it with him, and yet, he allows it. It's like she has a hold over him still, after they've been apart 5 years and we've been married almost 1, and he doesn't want to insult or anger her -- at my expense.

He also doesn't take my advice. I am a great step-mom, and I tell him things about the kids. He won't listen, and then she'll say the same thing later, and he'll be like, "Oh, okay...she said blah, blah, blah...so that's what we'll do." The same thing I told him before, but it's like he doesn't listen unless it comes from her. That drives me INSANE.

I don't get it. I don't know why she's such an evil, nasty excuse for a person, and I don't know why he keeps putting up with the things she does to us. She's made a lot of miserable times for us, and caused a lot of trouble. I want to move on, and with the youngest kid only 5.5 years old, I have to deal with this for 13 more years. Not sure I can last that long!!! At some point, I will probably just give up and surrender. How much do you take and still feel that it's worth it?


stacies29 profile image

stacies29 6 years ago from Washington DC

I understand exactly what u are talkin about, Please read my situation, can u give me some advice please

http://hubpages.com/relationships/Moms-VS-Step-Mom


2ndwife 6 years ago

Update: It's been about 20 months since I last commented on this page. In some ways, a lot has changed, in others not so much.

Here is the good news:

Since I last commented, we have gained custody of another of my husband's children, his daughter (the youngest son is the only one left in the ex's custody). Her life (based on her own words) is so much better than it was when she lived with her mother. She was of the age that she could make that decision, so her mother couldn't do much to stop her. She has fit in with the family very well, but it was difficult to "reprogram" her. She lived her whole life hearing garbage from her mother about her father and me, but I think she knew deep down it was just a manipulation.

Her mother is still jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend, no stable home, no job, no transportation. Nothing has changed there.

My husband's mother and sister are till enabling his ex-wife. They secretly arrange for visitation with his ex and the son, lying to us the whole time that they have him. They even had him during father's day and didn't have him call his dad for fear we would "steal him away". They had him for 3 weeks this summer without saying a word to us. It's a twisted dynamic. They would rather the child stay with their incompetent mother so they can continue to make under-the-table dealings with her than be with us in a stable and nurturing environment.

Here's the vindication part. You're gonna love this. We had to go to court to make the change in custody for his daughter official. My husband filed the paper work: stop child support, change residence that's all. The mother drove up (6 hour drive) just for the hearing and demanded that child support be recalculated. She actually thought she was going to get something! She was not working, but could not prove she was disabled. The judge actually warned her about proceeding, but she bulldozed on. Since we had split custody of the minor children and we have 3 of our own, she actually ended up with a judgement to PAY US child support!!!! It was the best feeling in this awful mess. I know we will never see a dime of that money, but to have the pendulum swing in our favor for the first time was fantastic.

Here's another twist:

My stepdaughter went to visit her mother a couple weeks ago. She called 7 hours later and begged for us to come get her. Apparently, her mother and new boyfriend were drunk and arguing and dragging my stepdaughter into the fight. The new boyfriend kicked their mother out the next morning. And where did she go? Back to her previous boyfriend. Does this woman sound like a user or what? We made the 6 hour drive and picked both of kids up.

As we speak, my husband is filing papers to get emergency custody of his son. Hopefully, we will be able get a hearing to prevent her from taking him back.

I have struggled and struggled with resentment, sympathy, spite, a gambit of emotions. Even though we have very little space, the expense, and the sacrifice, I know we are and have been doing the right thing. My kids adore their half siblings. When we are together, all is right with the world.

I hope someone will get some hope from what I share here. For years, we lived in a hopeless situation. We were held prisoner by the ex's demands. We watched money go down the drain in child support, legal fees. I keep thinking to myself, when the kids turn 18, the ax over head vanishes. There's nothing more the ex can do after that. Just decide for yourself is the dream worth this? Do you trust that your husband has your and your children's best interests at heart? Never forget that both sides have power in this struggle.


Jenny 6 years ago

I think we need to start a club. I feel them same way as everyone here. My husband's ex-wife is so narsasistic (sp)and self centered it drives me crazy! She is so fake and has that really squeeky voice when she says hello. I have been married to my husband for 3 years and he has a daughter whom I absolutely love. I had no children coming into the marrage. The EW was on her best behavior before we got married then the S**T hit the fan. I make a realy good living at what I do and she was working at a retail clothing store 2days a week, while she was looking for the next rich guy to marry. I take on all the typical "mother things" with the child. The EW always says to the child she doesn't know how to do things and "Jenny" knows better. What? The child is going through adolesence and I am the one getting her educated and answering all her questions. I pay for health care, braces, and help with homework. The ex doesn't work and is now married to a rich man and buying a 1.3 million dollar home! We still have to pay her child support and the child lives with us. I am so frustrated because I am a very candid and assertive person...for the sake of the child I nver say a bad thing about her mother. My husband is the best father any daughter could have and they have the closes relationship. We just received an email telling us that the EW can't pay for the child's ballet lessons anymore ($100) a month because she can't afford it. This is after she just bought a brand new audi, returned from italy and bought a 10,000$ diamond? Please help.....


sophia 6 years ago

Wow I read all stuff of u guys because I am not alone, I could feel that feeling from you guys. I am not from US, I am Asisan. I am going through in this problem. I love my husband but I didn't think about his ex wife will effect me in future then I got married and moved to here. Until right now I don't know Is this a good decision? Because I feel tired, sad, stress, frustrated...It will be easier for u guys because this is your country but not me. I came here because of loving to him but his love is sharing for his sons. It is okey to me because they are dad and sons but sometime It is really hurt because I am lonely AT HERE. I don't have familly , friend ..I gave up everything I have in my country to come here . His ex wife is drama and I don't belevie my husband were married to her. She cheated on him 3 times, then she want to go back to him after dirvoced, about 9 years after that happend . That is crazy, and got 5 times marriaged. I am really tired of her action. She got more child support because she just got fired from f.u...ing the customer. So my husband has to more childsupport because her income is down. She moved to another city with her boy friend who is drunk all the time. She wanted us to take after my husband 's son couple months then she will send the child support back for us. I really don't want to live with his sons, it doesn't mean I don't like them, I feel not good when I have to take care of him all the time. And Do you think I am only older than his sons 4 years and 5 years. After that happened She didnot send enough money to us because she took them to haircut and baught clothes haha I don't see that stuff, just heared from drama husband's ex wife. Moved kids to her city then she changed her mind in one month, sent the kids for us for coouple days but she did not want to pick them up. My husband was crying for the kids. Wow this is an awesome person and really meant. My husband paid more child support and we don't have money for saving in emergency, money everymonth is enough for food, bill.. and right now food and money to hang out at weekend.That time I just moved to us so I couldnot find a job as well because my paper work was waitting. I will through my hand up and leave if He cares his sons more than me, because i don't have familly and friend here so I need him so badly, but He seems don't understand my feeling as well. I can't live with dealing of his ex wife, his sons. I hope he will understand me more


Alis 2nd wife 6 years ago

Well, I actually feel very good about reading your posts and comments. My thing is not as bad, however I am struggling very much with it, I am very stressed out, and of course it is starting to create stress between me and my husband. We have been married for almost 5 yrs, his wife has been in the shadows and I have been ok with that. Their son got married three years ago and he asked me to attend, as uncomfortable as I was I did. Yes it was weird, we said hi to each other stayed for a while then left. I thought that was going to be the last, but of course it never ends. His son just had a baby, his wife's son is a controlling little witch, and her mom is best friends with my husbands ex. Yes the three witches from the west. Well now we have been told that we need to go to all of the family functions, bdays, fathers day and such. My husband feels he was not a very good father in the past so now I think he is trying to mend the wrong he did, so when the are having a bday for his son or gson, he goes.

I want to think that he is doing something for his children, and that is something innocent. I can't help it but think that she is behind all this and that she is just doing this to have control over him. She in the past used the two kids as leverage, so I just think she is doing this to control him still. I have chosen not to go for the las celebration , fathers day, i did feel left out although I thought I would rather feel uncomfortable than feel like she is controlling me too.

His grandsons bb is coming up in October, I know he should go, I just hate how I feel. I wish I could matured about it, and think that yes he left her and now he is with me. I just wished he didn't have to see her.


cricket 6 years ago

I can so, so relate. My H's ex-wife is the same way. Vindictive, insecure, can't do shit by herself so needs other people to help her -- all the while whining like a victim about how hard it is to be a "single mom". Uh, hello -- you aren't a SINGLE mom. You're a divorced mom who gets loads of child support and whose ex-husband has the kids 40% of the time. I am sickened by her lack of autonomy. MOVE ON already. YOU were the one who filed for divorce.


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NikkiSpangler 6 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Cricket... I SO agree! She is the same way about the "single mom" BS. You may be single, you may be a mom but you are NOT doing it solo. Ya know?!

She's a school teacher and her school was on strike this past school year... she took the kids to the picket line and they were holding a sign that said, "Single Income Family"... HA HA HA HA!!!!!! Single income my ASS! I wouldn't call her job, plus her side work that she does, plus 55% of my husbands unemployment money SINGLE INCOME... the sign should have said, "Single and 1/2 Income Family."

She is always trying to play the "poor me" card like she gets no help in any way, shape or form. It's ridiculous!


Katie 6 years ago

My husband and I solved the "ex" problem like this: we stopped seeing the kids. The courts awarded physical custody to the mother w/ my hubby getting shared legal custody, He was heartbroken, but I told him we could make our own family and that little piddly amount she was getting was worth it to keep her away from us. At first it was hard for him to not see his kids, but he got stronger every time she demanded that he came to see the kids and he said no that he was taking me on a trip or cruise or vacation she would just lose her mind. Plus, it never occurred to the silly woman the courts couldn't FORCE him to do anything but pay support, which he did and always on time. Meanwhile, she couldn't handle working full time (cause the courts ordered her lazy ass to work) and being the main caregiver and not being able to bang every dude in town. 15 months later, the mother had screwed up everything (went to jail on a suspended license) and now the kids are ours and she has NO legal visitation or rights to them anymore.

The best "screw you" ever. We just let go and gave her enough rope to hang herself. Most people don't have the resolve to forgo temporary pain in order to receive longterm joy, which is why these battles with crazy exes continue.


aussie yak 6 years ago

Hello everyone. I am very new to this situation, and am in now way as bad off as some of you ladies but i love my fella so much I just need help knowing how to deal with this situation. So any advice would be greatly appreciated!! I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year, haven't met the children as they are in the other side of the country. He has 3 biological children under 9 and a 14 year old that he's been dad to since she was 6 months old. The ex doesn't work, lives off government and child support payments. The ex wife always uses the kids against him if she doesn't get her way, by taking away time with them, or taking the phones off the kids so they cant talk to their dad. He loves them heaps, and I know it hurst him to see how they are growing up just like his manipulative ex. I'm not allowed to meet the kids, but she has men in and out of the house and kids lives on a monthly basis, and has moved 4 times in the last 2 years, changing the kids schools everytime. I have tried not to pass judgement, but sometimes hearing some of the things she does i'll end up putting in my 2 cents with him. Yesterday the 15yr old (who has dropped out of school, no job prospects for the last 6 months) got a tattoo, which i dont like tattoos. The ex wife was getting one also with her and her new partners name (she's been seeing him for 1 month now, already moved the kids into his house) and out from my mouth flew "oh she is such white trash" then immediately appologised. He has taken it extremely personally and now thinks that i think he and his family are all trash. How do you ladies deal with talking to your man about his ex wife and kids? Especially when you know they're growing up in a toxic environment, which he can't do anything about. Have you found that it's better just to not comment at all? I am always supportive but sometimes I can't help myself.


cmoore1019 6 years ago from California

Well I know what it is like dealing with a ex-wife. My boyfriend ex is allowed to come to the house once a week to visit the children and stay overnight. It is very difficult dealing with this and my boyfriend thinks its not a big deal. One time she and her boyfriend stayed at the house without my knowledge, I threatened to leave because that was just going too far and he put an end to it. Im just wondering if anyone else had to deal with this issue and how they felt about it. I am beginning to feel a bit taken advantage of


Songbird 6 years ago

My ex husband ran off with a Thai girl 30 years his junior and left me with 3 little kids. Anyone ever come to think that maybe running off with a father of 3 kids might be a bad idea and that his wife might be a little bit pissed off that she was abandoned? Most women are so damned desperate to nab a man that don't care what he's done to his previous family but think again. If he did it once, he'll do it again. My ex was already divorced for 7 years when I met him, having already dumped his first wife and 2 kids. But no, it will NEVER happen to US, or so I thought. Think again, ladies. Lots of nice guys out there with no emotional and/or familial baggage. You're just not looking in the right places.


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NikkiSpangler 6 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Songbird,

That's terrible what happened to you. I hope you and your kids will be okay.

Sometimes men just don't think with the right head and some women just don't care what happens to someone else, as long as they get what they want. That's horrible.

I hope that he will at least still take care of those kids with you; if nothing else, at least financially.

Good luck to you!


Shay007 6 years ago

I hate to break it to you but ex's never back off. I thought I would be done with that crazy freak after their daughter graduated....no such luck...the b!@#$tch is back. Now attending a family wedding on his side - his family encourages her and they know I won't attend. We have been together 20 years, married 14, have 2 children together and I'm thinking that I just can't do this crap anymore. She has ruined family vacations, bought herself lavish gifts w/ child support (Speed boats, big new 2 story garage to store her new toys, nice vacations, cars), married had another child, then divorced and apparently is now bored again and ready to cause more strife. What bothers me most is he wasn't even going to tell me she was going to the wedding as I was booking the hotel...and he knew that I wouldn't go because his family has never welcomed me. So many regrets with the exception of my children.

Any advice?


gaylegirl 6 years ago

cmoore1019, that is unacceptable. My husband's ex is barely allowed to pull up in the drive way, much less spend the night. I put my foot down. I know he had a life before me and I have to accept that. I know she'll always be a "presence" because of the kids and I accept that too. If she was a nicer (saner) person, we probably could have been friendly towards each other if not friends. But she is an evil, lying, lazy, manipulative..... you know what comes next. My house, my home, is the one place in this world where I should be able to feel comfortable, where I don’t have to “cater” to or curb myself for anyone. If you can’t relax in your own home, where else can you feel comfortable??

Aussie yak, I’m right there with you. There have been so many times that it has been in me to be truly mean and hurtful, and I have to bite my tongue. Because after the moment passes, it’ll just be me and him, and words are weapons, that once used, can’t be taken back (words of wisdom from my grandmother that have served me well in recent months). I do get my “licks” in from time to time though (the childish, petty side of me) by making very indirect comments, or by commenting on some similar situation on TV. The children are a touchy area, because although they may behave badly due to the influences around them, ultimately, they are still his children, and no matter how sh*tty they may behave, he will always choose them- as it should be for any parent. I guess you’ll have to join the rest of us in waiting for them to be old enough, and mature enough, to see and understand the situation.

Like I mentioned before, ours is a story still in progress. As much ground as we gained a couple of months back, he is starting to slip again. He gets into a place where he’s comfortable and happy and carefree and he lets stuff slide. In his mind, he’s waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. In the next few years, when the kids graduate from college and the alimony and child support payments end, this miraculous thing will happen where he will be able to move away and move on with our lives, and she will move on with hers. I try to tell him he has to start setting the stage, setting the boundaries from now, bitterness and misery won’t die so easy, or so timely. She’s not going to just get up one day and pouf, things will be great and she’ll disappear beyond the horizon. But, for now we are content, and comfortable, and sometimes that’s all you can ask for- things could be worse.


Judy 6 years ago

What do you do when you gave you're ex and his new wife everything they wanted, yet the new wife still keeps harrassing


Karma 6 years ago

Songbird.. I hear ya. After 20 years of controlling my life Not allowing me to work, get an education etc, my ex ran off with a gold digging floozy. Together they managed to leave me penniless,and home less for six months. Because of him I was left on my own with no job history, job skills, formal education,and since I was kept at home all the time I really had no friends, references, or formal communication skills. Then to make matters worse the knew wife (who claims to know all about me) started writing all kinds of blog and articles about me being lazy, mentally ill, over weight, you name it she wrote it. No problem, I know why she does this. She needs to hide her own faults which out number mine by a long shot.(She's an embezzler how has stolen ten of thousands) Even though I could be a bi*tch let everyone know who she really is, church, homeowners association, employers, I won't. That's her game not mine. Besides at least I know who he is stuck with. He lost his daughter's love and respect, and I know for sure that once she bleeds him dry she'll leave him. He is gonna die a very lonely and broke old man.

Anyways, keep you're head up. You are too good for him, and Karma will make it's play.


cmoore1019 6 years ago from California

Thanks Gaylegirl at least someone understands that this is a crazy situation and to accept it is very difficult. I dont even feel like this is my home. Yet he thinks its no big deal, while I think it is very disrespectful of him and her. She decides to move out of the area where her children are, yet we have to accomodate her? I think it is b.s.


Pip - Australia 6 years ago

It's sad to read about so many children being thrown under the bus by their mothers. Makes me ashamed of my gender.

My story: I am mum of 1 (14) and the stepmother to two (11&8). I married my husband last year after a 3 year romance. My hubbies ex is now a lesbian and has had several internet interstate relationships. Her most recent saw her buy a house to live in 1500kms from where we live. The kids didn't want to move so we fought for them. Even the court appointed shrink said they should live with us.

She pulled out of court at the last moment after costing us a fortune - she was never going to win. She really only wants the 8 year old girl. She negotiated to pay child support but then reneged because apparently legally she doesn't have too. Oh, and we have to pay for the children to visit her four times a year. The only time they travel there.

She blames everything on me - even though I had not met my husband until they were separated for a year. I am sure she blames me for the fact she is overweight and smells too (sorry - just had to get one in there)

She's a feminist lesbian deadbeat. She does not pay for clothing, her parents covered the costs of court and a very expensive barrister she flew in from another state - even though they supported us and wanted their grandchildren to stay here.

She lies constantly and plays the victim. Before she moved she was paid privately but then rang the government agency and made a false statement stating she had never received any child support - never - then retracted it several days later. Bank transfer paper trail idiot.

I'm waiting for karma to catch up with her but for the sake of two little souls I have to turn the other cheek and sit back as her and her lover think it's funny to rip us off and use the kids as pawns. Oh, the lover facilitates courses on parental conflict resolution but since she came on the scene 12 months ago we have travelled at warp speed into conflict. She's the man hatter type. For the record my older sister is gay plus several uncles and a nephew. I have no issues with who she chooses to love.

On the other hand I am lucky - my ex husband and I have a great relationship and I never have to hassle him about a thing. He dotes on our daughter and we split everything 50/50 and she lives with us 50/50. We keep an open door policy with each other because we love our child and if we couldn't give her two parents living together then we are giving her two parents who would lay down their lives for her and that means putting our crap behind us.

I love Dr Phil. He says every family needs a hero. He's right but it's sooooo hard!

Hugs to all you loving step-monsters (lol) keep up the good fight.


Erin 6 years ago

To Teresa Kirkpatrick and all the others. Tonight I have both laughed and cried at your stories of the dreaded deadbeat mothers. I too am an ex and a 2nd. Even though we have custody of my husbands two kids the dramas continue. My ex counsels me to stay strong because he and my husband are friends. We are pretty easy to get along with but this bitch tests my compassion and decency.

There are times when I want to ring her neck for the problems she causes. I am sure that even though she is a lesbian and in a relationship - if my husband said 'let's give it another crack' she would.

She knows nothing of good will - she is morally and spiritually bankrupt. A pathological liar. Her sister in-law has befriended me and we help each other out. The ex lied about her to family and used her as a babysitter and would 'forget' to pick the kids up. How's this. The ex would go to her nieces birthday parties (same age) and not take the kids because they were with us. She told them we wouldn't let them attend. WTF!

I get this distraught call from the sister-in-law 'why are we so mean?' we had a very deep and honest conversation and for the past 4 years we have an arrangement between us.

One day my stepson told me he didn't like going to my hubbies sisters house with his mother because his mother spent the time talking bad about daddy. I rang my sister-in-law and told her she had the right to be friends with whomever to chooses BUT if she wished to shit on her brother I suggest that she respect her nephew and niece and do it without them in earshot. I also told her that there are two sides to a story and I could show her the emails, txts and bank statements if she wished to have an educated opinion of her brother.

My husband is very successful and the sister has a chip on her shoulder. That's her choice and I still invite her and her family to lunch once a month. Kill em with kindness my mother says. But with the ex wife my cup of compassion is empty.

There have been several triggers for me. She's a bit muchausen sydrome - there's always a 'medical' reasons for something. She claims the little one has asthma so used other peoples medication then took her to buteyko technique. This requires taping the childs mouth shut at night to teach them to breath through the hose. This kid has a high allergy to dust mites and she is a pig. Try vaccumming once in a while darl. I contacted the asthma foundation, the health department and also the buteyko practitioner when I found out to get a better understanding - the practitioner had a fit. She had only attended 2 classes out of 10 and was not qualified to tape her daughters (not to mention the sons who had not attended) mouth shut at night. I discovered this after my stepsons 9th birthday dinner when she told me the little one was sleepwalking and throwing tantrums. I said that none of that happened at our home (we had a week about arrangement then). She sent an email and said this was my fault because I fed her apples - and her body was full of toxins - WTF!

On the other hand, I have the pleasure of raising her two wonderful children. When I first met these precious babes when they were 6 & 4 they were scared of their own shadows. The ex loves drama (frustrated actress I fear) - so created unrealistic fears. Frightened of the wind and the rain. Scared of animals. Lied to the little one and said that she was allergic to animals and it would kill her.

My dad gave us a pup from his last show boxer and he kept his brother. The little one screamed so much when we went for walks and refused to play in the backyard that I had to send him back to my parents farm. That was unfair to the dog so he came home. She was quite the bully to her older brother and my daughter (now 14) - and she spent a lot of time in time out to learn respect for others. Their mother condoned this behaviour because she is 'special'. I told them all children are special and no more special than the other. I also told her that as Harry was our dog we are a pack and the only one she is the boss of is the dog.

After 4 months of terror the light bulb flickered and within an hour was in the backyard ordering the dog around who was quite happy to obliged. They are the best of friends now and she also loves his brother.

I hate that she has cost us a fortune for years. That she lies even under oath. This is an educated woman from a fine family and they know she is a liar and they also know she neglects her children. but they are family.

My family love my stepchildren and they now belong to an even bigger family - I have 5 siblings all with big families. My stepkids love all their older cousins who include them in everything. My father has taken a particular shine to my stepson as their birthdays are a day apart and they are so similar. Quiet, shy, unassuming, gentle and loving.

I pity her that she chose to move away from these wonderful beings and this decision will cost her one day. I talk to a friend who I met in the first year of high school who's mother walked out on her and her brothers. She guides me with advice.

She does not think she has a financial responsibility to the children because my husband makes a pretty good living - but - we have had to pay a huge legal bill which destroyed my savings and my husbands.

She is a greedy woman who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. But you know, it all catches up with us in the end. Her current partner is learning the hard way that you should be open minded and not believe the horror story a bitter person shouts from the hilltops. She has 3 children of her own and has now had to get a better job to support the ex and her own children. Her bank account shrinks through the nickle and dime mentality of the ex. She can blow a grand on nothing and then lies - bank statements dickhead.

To Teresa Kirkpatrick - I wish you love luck and happiness - I hope you win the freakin' lottery babe and live a great retirement that you and your husband deserve.

To rest of you mad ladies (me included) it such a strange world - my parents just celebrated 50 years - all of their kids are divorced except their only son - cause he and his partner of 21 years refuse to get married.lol I have seen the damage done to kids through my sisters. So screwed was my eldest niece she has 5 kids (started at 17) and is married to an abusive man - just like the creature that used to beat her mother and tried to rape me when I was 15 - the kicker - my sister was recovering from a brain tumor operation. I kicked the arsehole in the balls and told my dad. Who paid a visit with my uncles.

I suggest all these idiot wives are bitter, depressed and need the attention to feel relevant somewhere.

I have a friend who's ex of 18 years still carries on like a turnip. She bullied him into marriage and into kids and then when he finally left bled him dry. Having a grandfather that was the commissioner of police didn't hurt. He lives in the mountains like a hermit and was alone until I recently introduced him to another of my friends. I had wanted to for years but he needed to heal and she deserves a whole man. The best thing is she is loaded and boy are they are great match. ahahahaha karma

I try to remind my self there are always people worse off - just turn on the news.

Is somebody going to start this second wives club?

Be good to yourselves ladies!


Blue Devil 6 years ago

Feeling your pain. I'm divorced from my first wife, and she was just as intolerable as your husband's ex. Here's some good news: You don't have to deal with her nonsense. My ex pulled the same kind of stunts: Calling the cops for every stupid little reason, trying to threaten, guilt-trip and/or strongarm people into doing her bidding.... You know firsthand, so I don't have to explain. It's infuriating. But, once you actually bring your grievances to the authorites (preferably a Family Court), you'll find that the judges will always see right through the crazy person's motives and side with the reasonable party. You and your husband might even make a strong case for getting custody of his children because the mother is the one causing the emotional harm.

Also, your husband should *never* have to pay more than half his paycheck in Child Support. I suggest if you haven't already, he should petition Family Court for a recalculation. Three children should cost him no more than 25% of his gross income, give or take. If his income is already low he may even get a special adjustment that lowers his minimum obligation. Even the courts know you can't get blood from a stone.

Take heart, psychos like his ex always wind up self-destructing.


Jaded 6 years ago

I can relate to this issue. Admitting I have an issue is the first step, right? Errr.

My Boyfriend ex is *insert any vile thing you can come up with here*. They have a son together and she uses it to her full advantage, believe me. She uses him as an excuse to call, drive by the house, go see the neighbors she used to know, leave things in the mail box, try and keep in touch with his family, ect. Sad thing is she has two other children, both by different fathers, that she has pawned off onto other people that are not even the other parent OR part of her own family because she can't get child support from the other fathers. My boyfriend pays child support faithfully every month, but every time we get his son (the sweetest little boy EVER) he is always filthy, sick and his clothes are two small or ripped and we never see any of the clothes we buy him on him.

Currently, my BF keeps our life seperate from his EX as in I have never met her and have agreed that he should handle the situation in his own terms. He never calls her and picks up his son from his mom as he cant be around her or she is always trying to find ways to get him back and there is a history that involves her manipulating him to come back to him after we had been together for about a year and those scars still rip open everytime she leaves a voice mail trying to ruin days she knows he'll be spending with me. for example, Valentine's day - she faked having to go into the hospital and told my BF he had to take his son and she didn't know when shed be out, we later found our from him mom that she said she never went. His moms birthday and mine are a day apart and we plan weekends and the whole family goes - she called and said she had to go out of town and he needed to come get him again

(this after having him for two straight weeks because she worked nights and had no one to watch him and needed to sleep) We both work, I have two kids by a previous marriage and him a daughter from a previous relationship that that go to school and his son is 3 so we had to set up daycare for him during that time. Holidays are the worst - she is relentless to the point of none of my BFs family wants to even speak to her about anything because she is always trying to get details about our life. His mom doesn't take anyone with her to get my BF son because his ex will think its an invitation to start having a relationship with his family again. Everyone, including my BF has her number blocked now because she calls crying to everyone that her life is so miserable and she needs them to still be in her life. Shes stopped bad mouthing me to his family after my BFs father took the phone from his mom and lit into her and told her that when they wanted to talk to her, they'd call her and to stop calling them.

Last straw was today when I found out she just moved down the street from a house we were plaining on buying as our first home together in the town his whole family lives in.

An hour ago I did a search for "I hate my boyfriends EX" and found this.

I'd ask if it ever ends, but I already know the answer(s) - it's multipal choice. it's eaither:

A) She leaves the country

B) We leave the counrty

C) I choose not to let it bother me that shes crazy and trying to ruin my life

or

D) I hit her with my car

there are days that D is tempting. And I know where she lives now.

Thanks for posting this - venting is good.


STRESSED OUT STEPMOTHER AND WIFE! 6 years ago

What happens when your husband tries to play peacemaker all the time and takes her side over yours? If she needs to get an oil change, flat tire, etc. And my husband is always saying that people look down on her because he is with me. WHO CARES?


Lost 6 years ago

Wow! This actually scares me! The 'ex' is horrible, she is fine if she is in a relationship but as soon as she isn't she is trying everything in her power to get with my husband. They had a son together (I love him with all my heart!) that doesn't mean that they are for ever bonded...no he is forever bonded to his (our) son. I don't understand why she wont leave us alone. She is constantly calling to say what is happening in her life and calls to have my husband do things for her. I can't stand it. I just wish she would find someone to be with (who can stand to be with her) and leave us alone. My husband seems to always have a 'need' to do all of this in fear of loosing our son. By reading a lot of these it has really helped...thank you for sharing your stories, its nice to know Im not alone in this.


Mindy 6 years ago

Wow all these stories seem just like mine also..I pretty much had enough of my husbands ex wifes crap. She brought in social services and tried to say that we are nothing but alcoholics and all that crap. So of course the social services worker wanted to talk to my children too. Which in turn pissed off my ex husband! This woman is constantly bad mouthing me and my kids. My boys are 10, 9, and 5...what the hell kind of person tells her kids that a 5 year old is a little A**hole? There are some crazy women out there and I have no idea how they become the evil ones that they are!! I finally told her to shut up stop talking crap about my kids and my ex husband told her the same thing too..CRAZY WOMAN!!!


Julie 6 years ago

So, so glad that I am not the only one dealing with this.


Shan 6 years ago

Wow, I read all this and WoW! Not all of us ex's are crazy. My ex's current wife is crazy!! My childs father and I broke up before I had her, we lived in another state and decided to raise her together. He then convinced me to move to another state, so we could raise her together. Mind you he was NOT paying any child support. But it was ok because he was there for my daughter. After a few years of his crap I took him for cp and his lawyer talked us into 50/50 custody, which was fine because I wanted my daughter to see her dad. After a few years more of his crap, he up and married a crooked adoption attorney, and moved 80 miles away to another state. The judge thought it would be ok for him to drive my child back and forth to school on his days mind you 80 miles away. The judge thought this was going to be ok?? Really?? We were suppossed to have a trial like 8 months later, bu after discussing with my husband I decided it was not in my daughters best interest to be treated like a rag doll. He was willing to fight all the way just because he is a selfish person. He did not even want my child. I decided to let my daughter move with him and his aging wife, yes she is nearly 50 he is 35, to top it off they just had another kid. Lol. This lady is nuts!! She is crazy with Jelousy because she really thought if they could just move my child 80 miles away I would just go away. Lol. None of us talk we use a parent coordinator. My baby daddy and his old lady no pun intended are above the law and rules don't apply to them they are constantly late, they pay no attention to my daugter, she gets very sad on Sundays when she has to go to thier house. It infuriates me. My daughter is not allowed to even say my name around them because they are so friggen jelous. I thought when they had another kid they would cool off. But they are just demanding more then ever asking for schedule changes ect. Postpartem depression and menopause do not mix because this lady is a evil bitch. I am tired of her. I am nothing but nice and polite to these people and I have come to the conclusion that his wife is insanely jelous, and my ex is jelous of my husband because he is more of a father then he will ever be, and he knows it. His wife in my opinion is not ethical many websites talk about her, and now a quick google search reveals that he was roped into he unethical adoption practices. I guess when my daughter who is 9 does a google search of her dad in a few years she will learn just what kind of person he is and I never ever had to say a unkind word about him to her, not that I would.


Carrie 6 years ago

You seriously sound exactly like me. I deal with the same bs with my Husband's ex-wife. Except they have 1 child together and we don't have any - YET. She took his son and moved him 700 miles away without his consent a week after she punched me in the face at a bar and got charges pressed on her. Some women really do not know how to control themselves.


CFSP 5 years ago

It is such a shame that there are so many of these despicable women out there that call themselves "mothers". My husband's ex is the same way. Luckily, it hasn't escalated to this severe of a situation. But every time i encounter her, I think after wards "Shouldn't you just be concerned with what is best for the baby? Not on making my husband and me miserable?" It's obvious that the baby (no names on here) is happier in our home. We actually play with her and care for her and feed her. Is money the only thing important in life? Ughh It's just so upsetting. my heart goes out to everyone here. i'm sorry these women exist.


Frustrated 5 years ago

I was married with my ex for 10 years and we had 3 kids together. We divorced 8 years ago and it was a difficult time for my kids. My kids now are 8, 10 and 14. We divorced in 2002 and agreed that we would share legal and physical custody 50/50 and split all costs with the kids. We had that arrangement for 4 years until my ex wife got engaged and decided to move in with her fiance who lived 30min away. She took me to court to get full custody of my kids and won. During that whole custody battle i met someone and just recently married her 1 year ago. 2 years ago my ex's relationship ended and she moved back to our neighborhood and I requested to return back to the 50/50 custody and she refused. During these past 2years my ex has really complicated my new relationship to the point where my wife and ex have verbally exchanged comments towards one another as well as text messages, it has gotten so ugly that now my wife FORBIDS me to communicate with my ex. Not that I communicate with her about anything but my kids and only when its absolutely necessary. Now that my wife and I have been married for 1 year my ex contacted me and stated that she is unable to handle our kids on her own, espeacially our 14 year old daughter. I asked her once more to revert back to our 50/50 custody and she agreed but now the issue is my wife does not want me communicating with my ex what so ever even when it has something to do with our kids. I dont think that is right and it has caused some really major conflict between my wife and I. I have always wanted my kids to live with us 50% of the time but now that my ex is being reasonable my wife is being difficult about me talking, texting or emailing my ex. I forgot to mention that my wife also has 2 kids of her own from her previous marriage but her kids are 19 and 17. The reaction of my wife to all this has lead me to believe that she doesnt want my kids to live with us. She makes comments that the kids should live with their mom but I disagree. I tell my wife that this is a win win scenario for everyone but her emphasis on me communicating with my ex is whats got us disagreeing. And to top it off my ex is now wanting to retract our verbally agreed 50/50 custody because of how my wife is reacting to all of this. My kids also really want to spend more time with us but are also confused and unsure of whether their stepmom wants them around. Keep in mind that my wife has never treated my kids badly but she also has not gone out of her way to make my kids feel as if our house is their house. My wife and I love each other dearly but I cant live with someone who does not put the best interest of my kids first. Am I wrong or is my wife right to forbid me to communicate with my ex? Feedback please......


Never Second 5 years ago

I wish I had found this website 15 years ago! My husband's ex-wife has made our life hell ~ to make it worse, part of the time she was a deputy, at least, until she got fired. She used their two daughters as pawns in her little war of manipulation. It was heartbreaking to watch. Unfortunately, my husband (like most men) doesn't always recognize his ex's actions for what they are. Men just don't fight like women fight. He used to think her snide remarks were her way of joking until their younger daughter (at the age of three) made a remark at a family gathering that he and her mother had never been married because her mother hated his guts. That opened his eyes. It has pretty much been open warfare ever since.

BUT the younger child turned 18 last month. Both daughter's wound up living with us (their choice)until they turned 18. They both tried back with their mother because she had no rules for them to follow.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang in there. Hold on to each other and to your love for each other because in the end, your children will go on to live their own lives ~ and you don't want to be stuck living your alone! Don't lose the love of your life because of some bitter loser manipulating the situation!


Summer Wolf profile image

Summer Wolf 5 years ago from Cashmere, Washington

Well, I must first say, thank you for being here. I thought I was going a bit nuts, but then I read thru these posts and now I'm concerned that I'm going nuts a little too soon. I'm a 3rd wife, and thankfully the first EX is so out of picture it's like she doesn't exist. The problem of course is with the second ex. Hubby and I met Jan '08, married Jan '09. He's got three grown kids from first wife, a 16 year old son from second wife. They met while they were both getting divorced. Since they were going thru the same thing they got intimate, she got pregnant, and even though he didn't love her, he married her anyway. That lasted for 10 years. I'm the second woman he's been with since the marriage to her, and we got married. When we started out, things were polite, but nice. No serious problems. Until we got married. The more I was in place as the wife, the more she started with her BS. Now we get the calls for money, the middle of the night ride to emergency (I was puking myself literally and he took her to emergency for her back) can I store my stuff at your place because it's bigger, can you fix my van, and the newest thing, she's been evicted so now my husband had taken on the responsiblity of getting her and his son moved. Now she's got our pick up truck for the week. And when she's ready to actually move her stuff, he and his older son will be there to help her. We've talked about the united front thing, she's got to know that we are strong together. We've talked about how when she affects his life she is also affecting my life. But it doesn't seem to matter when the stuff hits the fan. When she needs him to do something for her, if I am able to I will go along too. She's now started this 'can I have a hug' crap. I asked him if she ever does that when I'm not around. He says she doesn't. He'll hug her by the way. It's a one armed hug, but still. I mentioned to him just recently that she still loves him. An unhealthy love, but still. He says he knows this. Yes, he says he's afraid she'll cause problems where the kid is concerned. They agreed when they got divorced, about 5 years ago, (she left him for someone else and that didn't work out either) that in leu of CS he would help her out as much as he was able too. Well, that's fine, but she calls here several times a week asking for money (which we are broke most of the time ourselves just living, no extras here) or something and he just does it. I have told him that we are married now, he can't just run off and tend to her needs. Our needs come first. Well, now his opinion of me is that I'm the mean one and I'm the one who can't show compassion toward another human being. I remind him that I also was a single mother and that I practically raised my son alone. I didn't call his father all the time and have him take care of me because I wasn't able to take care of myself. His ex can't seem to take care of herself at all. "Take me to the store, take me to the bank, do this for me, do that for me!" ARRGGHH His son doesn't care to come over regularly. Not because of a poor relationship with his father, just he's a teenager and has other things to do. I don't mind her calling when it actually has something to do with the kid, like the night he didn't come home after school, yea, that's important, but for nearly every freaking simple thing. Her van still doesn't work by the way, but she lives right on the bus line. I know, because I DRIVE THE BUS!. She isn't far from the grocery store. And at times I have strongly suggested she take the bus and he will tell her to take the bus. So anyway....glad this is here. I have no one to talk to about this. I feel like I've lost all control when we deal with her. Someone posted that we have all the cards, but everytime I think I do, we get a call and my house of cards falls down. I realize that he has been put in the middle and I'm sorry for my part in that. He in frusteration says he wishes her and I just get together and drive off the nearest bridge so he doesn't have to deal with either one of us. I've signed up so I'll check back here every once in awhile to see how you all are doing. I'll try to find more patience as I can see that it could be a lot worse. But then we all have to live with the challenges we have to live with. Take care. And thanks again.


Summer Wolf profile image

Summer Wolf 5 years ago from Cashmere, Washington

Haha...I re-read my post. Not that it matters, but my husband and I met Jan '09 and got married Jan '10. But it certainly seems like we've been together for a long time.


amiable 5 years ago

as i am reading your story it seems like i am reading my story.....totally the same situation.when i first met my husband's ex...she was fine...nice and calm.so i was thinking it is going to be a nice realtionship between us for the sake of their child and for all of us.but everything turned into bad when she started to feel jealous because their child like me...and she saw that we are happy everytime me and my husband go out with the child.the all she had to do is call my husband even he is at work and ask about money..money..money..my husband always give childsupport..she even get a nanny!!!i never complained coz i know it is my husband's obligation to the child but the thing that she no longer want me to go with the child and my husband when they go out really pissed me off.i never did anything bad to the child.infac, the child even told my husband that he like me.so,one night when she called my husband and asking money...money..money i called her BITH... and she was mad at me.she even told my husband that i married him just because for green card!!WTF!!!SHE IS PSYCHOTIC..OR MAYBE INSANE!!!!!!she is nothing but a bitter one knowing we are happy and my husbad love me so much..we are even sweet in front of her...so she is jealous....selfish....what ever word describe her.


srthnbella 5 years ago

Ok, I found your blog and now I am hooked!! I too have a PEW-Psycho ex wife. I have put up with everything you can imagine from her calling and singing "thier" wedding song on the voice mail to being "friend" to repeat court visits for anything and everything. My Hubby and I have been married nearly 4.5 years. The PEW got married last year (we celebrated) however, when her 2nd marriage went to pot she wanted my Hubby back...never gonna happen. So since she has been back "in love" with my Hubby, we have been putting up with almost constant contact by her. Calls, emails, friend requests, even putting the kids up to calling -- we finally gave her full custody after a bogus OCS charge against us. The girls are 16 and 12. It was just too much war to endure. I FINALLY gave in to the harrassment and went nuts texting her one night. Nothing too ugly, no four letter words, no threats but, I was UGLY. So, I was arrested last Friday for Improper telephone communication. Yes, I said arrested. Bonded out for $5000. Today, I called my boss to explain myself (I am a nurse) and she told me that the ex-wife had already made a trip to see the CEO, HR director and the CNO!!! Letting them know her side of the situation first. I nearly fainted!! Now I have an appointment with our lawyer to get some kind of harrassment charge on her as well as a restraining order. Any suggestions before tomorrow?? I really have tried all the proper ways of dealing with her but, now I need some advice on how to legally shut her up. I don't want to lose my RN career over this PEW!! HELP!! (I am in Louisiana)


MenAfterDivorce profile image

MenAfterDivorce 5 years ago from Sydney

Kids really are the pawns of parents stupid emotional games.

The only way to deal is to do whats best for the kids ... which is hard when you just want to throttle your ex.

Kids first - deal with the ex later.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 5 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

srthnbella,

I think you're doing all you can do at this point. Go talk to the lawyer and see what he/she says. I think trying to get her to back off of you any way possible, legally is a good idea. Be careful though. I knew a man who got a protection from abuse order on his ex and she drove up in her car and sat outside his house yelling at him, etc. He called the police and they came and he said that he has an order in place against her and that she legally wasn't allowed to be doing that stuff and the police were basically like, "Oh well." They didn't do anything about it when technically, they should have arrested her. So, just because you have that paper, doesn't mean that it'll always work out the way it should. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you though. Good luck!!


srthnbella 5 years ago

Thanks. I feel like I have hit a BRICK WALL!!


momsince90 5 years ago

I am new on here. For one.I feel all your pain. I have to deal with my husband's ex as well. I work 40 hours a week. I have 2 kids of my own and his ex doesn't work. Whenever my husband's kids are out of school..his ex will call and cry and he will take the kids..drop them off with me and then he will go out running around while I am left to babysit. He gets upset if I go in the next room with the kids there..he gets upset. His daughter lives with us..and every time his ex calls..he drops everything..and picks the kids up..brings them to me so she can get a break ...he also will hug me around the kids. and his ex calls at all hours and he does nothing. He is still paying her child support for his daughter and she lives with us. When we bought our home..his ex wanted to help me decorate it..I told her no and my husband got mad at me. I am almost done with him too!!


Dave Thompson 5 years ago

My ex has been stalking and harassing me for the past 2 1/2 years. She has a restraining order against her enjoining her from so much as contacting any member of my household, yet the orders of a court are beneath her. She has committed contempt with regard to visitation no fewer than ten times, and went so far as to alienate my son from me for seven full months. The GAL of record said (quote) "this is the worst case of alienation I have witnessed in twenty years of practice."

I have yet to see any let-up in this insanity. I remain calm and professional, and file motion after motion after motion with a "court" whose ears are deaf to anything from a male litigant. She gets away with theft, identity theft, harassment, refusal to facilitate visitation, harassment of my family and emotional abuse of my 6-year-old son. All the while, she proclaims from the rooftops that she's a "great person" and a "wonderful mother".

Beware of anybody on the North Shore of Boston, this "mother" is posing as a psychoanalyst, and is practicing her quackery on school children. She epitomizes borderline personality and narcissism, and will stop at nothing to try to hurt me, a 2 1/2 year ex, including at the expense of a 6-year-old boy's emotional health. It's disgraceful.

She's an abusive, manipulative cunt with nothing but ulterior motives and excuses. What can be done to put this bitch in her place once and for all, get her to leave me and my real family alone and start showing even a modicum of respect, if not for me then at least for "orders" of a court?


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 5 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Dave,

I totally get where you're coming from! My husband deals with similar things. His ex thinks that she's above the law. Anything filed against my husband must be upheld yet anything against her means nothing. The courts are totally for the mothers regardless of what kind of crazy bitch she is. The fathers continuously get the shaft.

I think that your ex just doesn't want to see you happy. If you're happy with another woman and other children that pisses her off. If you're not alone and pining for her then she's going to do everything in her power, even if she has to be the bad guy, to try to make you miserable. She wants to see you miserable because she is miserable. If she can't be happy, then in her mind, neither can you. She hasn't moved on and until she does, I'm sorry to say, she will continue to do the things she does. Professional help for her probably wouldn't be a bad idea either.

When I first wrote this hub, I had no idea how many other people there are out there that have been affected in the same ways. I initially wrote this blog as a way to vent my frustrations. I'm so glad that I wrote it so that others can vent as I did.

My husband was being taken to court so much and his ex kept telling him, "just give up your rights." Over and over again. He finally had enough and as much as it killed him to, he gave up his rights. Of course that doesn't remove his obligation to pay child support (but he never really cared about that anyway). Low and behold, once he did it, she stopped taking him to court all the time. He doesn't get to see the kids as much though (only when she is desperate for a babysitter - and he is always her last resort) But his sanity is a little better since. Of course, once he did what SHE ASKED him to do after bugging him about it over and over, she told people that he did it and he doesn't want to be their father, etc. Which is such bullshit. It was her idea and she begged him and even though it was the last thing he wanted to do and his last resort, he did it. Now he's the bad guy for doing what she asked him to do???

I'm just glad that we're happy and I know that pisses her off (which isn't my goal but it's not a bad perk!) :)

Hang in there!


Ex-wife too 5 years ago

With all due respect to the new wifes, you have to understand that when you marry someone with an already made family you are going to get baggage. Once two people are married with children they are usually stuck in each othes lives for the remainder of their/children's lives. Not that it means you all need to take abuse however, I notice many new wives try to play the heroin, saving the man from the evil woman.New wives involve themselves in the baggage and conflict. Basically, what you know about the first wife is what you have seen and heard. You all don't really know what went on in that marriage before you came along.What brought on the conflict? It's always easy to write it off as being "bitterness" and rush to blame the ex-wife but,you all have to rememeber there are three sides to every story, his side, her side, and the real truth. Get to know that truth, find out the real underlying issues, encourage mediation, between all parties in place of the conflict. Yes, it takes work but, combined families usually do. Face there is no such thing as the Brady Bunch,if you all were willing to take on the baggage of a combine family, you're ganna have to learn how to carry it.


Amanda 5 years ago

Oh my goodness. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. This article sounds so much like my life. I also got along with my husband's ex-wife at first. She repeatedly cheated on my husband and they got divorced. We got along fine until she decided she wanted us to have her son ALL the time (every weekend, all summer- she had him 3 days, several days during the week) but we were still to pay her. She makes what my husband and I make together. She doesn't care anything about my step-son except for money and making public appearances with him. It is so sad. We have BEGGED her to let him live with us full time aka go to the school where we live, and we offered her to pay us NOTHING! She makes our life a living hell. She goes on vacation after vacation without her son and puts pics on the internet so he can see them. He is so emotionally damaged at this point it's not even funny. We can't afford to take her to court and she always ends up on top anyways. Please email me if you have any advice. I'm on the edge with this situation!! Amanda4166@aol.com


Alicia 5 years ago

I've been dealing with an aged ex who continues to use her 8-year old son as a pawn in a futile effort to spread her self misery to our family. The key here is to realize where the hatred and misery comes from and ensure happiness at home. In my case, the ex is a self loathing spiteful person who sees only doom and gloom in this world. She clearly suffers from PAS and has attempted to keep me from marrying my husband/soulmate for more than two years. I was so friendly despite my distrust and dislike for her. That all ended when she decided to attack me verbally for no reason other than her own self hatred. The secret to my success is the love and happiness both me, my husband and daughter show our son/stepson -- which also happens to really aggravate the ex. Death by kindness is such delicious victory!


Cat's eyes21 5 years ago

I realize this is a forum for the new wives to tell thier stories, but with your permission I would love to tell mine and possibly give you all some insight on an ex-wife's side. When I married my husband back in 1986 he had just lost his job, his family wanted nothing to do with him, he was broke, and almost homeless. We married and within the first four years we had three beautiful girls. On a mutual decisison we decided he would be the bread winner and I would raise the girls. Well basically my husband was married to his work. For 15 years he would leave everyday before sun up, and returned back sometimes past midnight this also happened on week-ends, and some holidays as well. He did not recieve payment for all this overtime however, he would say "I'm doing this for us, all this hard hard will get me somewhere someday". The times he was home he was emotionally abusive, and negelegive to not only me but also the girls.

Needless to say it was very straining on our family and marriage. We were living paycheck to paycheck, I was lonely and depressed and the girls practally father-less. The only time he would spend with us would be spent cleaning. At family outting which were few and long in between he would talk only about work, or spend the entire time starring at his watch. If he found a co-worker her would leave us and spend the enter outting with them, depite anger from coworker's family too. Our pleas for change always fell on deaf ears. My Ex was very self focused, and convenced himself we should and would understand.

This situation made it very difficult for me to find work for myself. I was married right out of high school, had no formal education, no work history, or special skills. In our small area of the world, most jobs for women required a degree. I did attempt to wait tables, which I did love, however the only shifts open to new comers was evening or graveyard. With my husbands unpredicted self made schedual. It made it impossible to do. Baby-sitters are expensive and it would have been pointless to work eight hours, make the kids be parentless, and hand all my pay over for child care.

To make this twenty year nightmare short, I spent 20 years lonely, broke, and depressed. Our house was falling into disrepear and the girls grew distant from him with almost no emotional connection. In the year of 2000, his big break came. He was offerd a great paying job out of town. Once again we both mutually agreed he would work out of town, and would come home on weekends, so we wouldn't up root the girls from school where they were doing great. A year later he found a better paying jobe here at home.

Well, things seemed to be looking up. we started living and fixing things that needed to be done and he even started coming home a 5pm. However, the job went to his head. Being a boss at work, we treated us like his employees. He expected prefection, the house was never clean enough, the girl's grades were never high enough, (even though they were A&B students) My depression had got the best of me and I gained over 100 pounds through out the 20 years. I was now an overweight, uneducated embarrasment to him. Through the years of 2000, to 2004 I attempted many times to return to school, however he always seemed to find some way to sabotoge it. eg( calling me during calss, pestering to clean when I was doing homework, etc) One of his favorite saying was " You don't need an education you don't need to work, and your not going to".

Ok fast forward in the year of 2005, after one of our usual fights about his abuse, he left. Two days later he sent me an E-mail stating he was divorcing me. He had no intensions of paying me allimony, spousal support, or helping me get on my feet. He did say he wanted to give me the house, but with it came the mortgage. Of course I hired an attoney and things became ugly. He made good on his promise that if I fought him on this, he would drag it out till there was nothing left to fight about. Not only did I have to fight him, but I had to fight his new wife to be, her family, and her family's in-laws. yes, they were all in on it. They had been planing this for three years, and made me look like the devil's daughter I lost everything I was broke, uneducated, no job history, no job skills, depressed, and of ovrwieght, and homeless. The best thing that came out of this was my girls, who have stood by me.

Everthing he did to me he claimed I did to him. He claimed I refused to work, or go to school, he claimed I turned the girls against him, he claimed I turned his family against him, he claimed I trashed the house when it was in disrepair to began with. ( exception of a little fixing we had done)Of course I lost it, and acted way out of character, at time may have seemed mentally ill, and in some ways pyscho. It's not something I'm not proud of but it happened. I'm just saying please try not to be so judgemental on the ex-wife, till you all know the story behind her behavior.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 5 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Cat's Eyes21,

As I have stated before. I am an ex-wife as well as a second wife. I come from both sides. I don't think that anyone on here has claimed that ALL ex's are this way. These are all personal experiences from our point of view.

You, of course, are welcome to be here and tell your story/vent, even if you're not a second wife.

I hope that things get better for you and work out for you in the end. You have your girls and they are behind you. When you're at the bottom, things can only get better, not worse.

Good luck to you!


La st profile image

La st 5 years ago from Somewhere in the midwest, USA

Oh my. My boyfriend's ex drives a Jaguar and wears all the best trendy clothes, but sends her children to us in dirty rags. She claims she has to live with her parents now because she doesn't get enough support. She works full time AND gets half of my boyfriend's check every week. She lives with her parents so she can use her money to buy herself clothes and pay for her expensive car. I'm like, "hey, crazy... why don't you sell the car and start shopping at Target instead of Saks!" Well... that's what I'd say if I didn't have better couth. I actually just bite my tongue and let my boyfriend say it for me. Reading this made me glad I'm not alone.


tj 5 years ago

Soory girls but it wont end there My husbands ex is still looking for the money. I have been with my husband for 13 years and married for 10 1/2 of them I tried to be friends with his ex doing every thing from asking her to spend ex mass mornings while the children open gifts to going to birthday parties for the children on his side of the family which she would not go on less I was not there. However she did come to one of my daughter baby showers but then she got rid of her second husband and became best of friends with my huband and things got sticky he started taking her out for breakfast or dinner telling me he was spending time with his children but then I found out that they were playing happy little family. I would a full time job away from the company that we own to make sure their children had medical insurance and my check went to her for the childrens childsupport. While my husband gave her a job under the table because poor patti could not get a job of her own because she would loose her SSI know that his children are 24,23 and 19 she still wants to be paid, even though she has a new boyfriend living in the house that she took from her last husband. So ladies they never go away I would say that 99% think that the first husband should take care of them forever


pinkrae25 5 years ago

Um - am preparing to marry a guy with two kids from a former marriage. I don't have any of my own. He pays child support every month and yes his ex is a b*&^%. She is diffuclt, vindictive and wants to take him to the cleaners every time she can. She also doesn't work.I am just confused by some of the responses. I work full-time and am planning to have one child. Just one, because with the responsibilities towards the other children, it is what we can afford. I will continue to work after the baby arrives. I am confused because many of you complain about the support payments while having multiple children and staying home. Does it make sense that your man can support 5 children under two separate roofs on his salary alone. You knew what you were getting into.


theresa 5 years ago

See if you get this much response, please tell me that all of us women should do something please!

My husband owns a television production company, how hard is it to really expose the truth?Dont you think we all have had enough.

*the court dont listen

*most of the are mentally unstable

I could go on and on. I have a story that smokes everyone's. But we are all just tired of it. "WE" are the one's that get it.

Try a detective as her new husband breaking all the rules to

keep themselves out of hot water. using the states computers for information "his job". Try calling the police and telling them who they are and then finding out they are protecting his ex-wife and her detective husband.

They "police" where shaking hands in my driveway?WHAT? NEVER was any report ever filed,Never!

This is wrong just wrong.

where do we stand, when will we be reinforced by "real cops"

My heart goes out to all of you. Stay strong and just smile, It will make you feel better:) we are all beautiful women. lets not be like them.


Allyson 5 years ago

I am reading this site because my 12 year found it on my ex husbands new wife's computer. I am a full time working mother of 3 who has to deal everyday with minusia that his new wife (who is motherless and jobless)pushes onto our lives. Her day consists of making mine miserable and pointing out all my faults as person, mother and an ex wife to my ex husaband and to my children and to his family. She keeps a three ring binder with all of coorespondance on the counter for our children to read. My ex husband put her in charge of the children during their visitation and she has gone as far to go to our children's school to see what I pack in their lunches and record a log of the contents and change physicians because she has personal issues with the Dr.'s her husband and I chose when we were raising our children together for 12 years. She also takes the cell phone I pay for from my 12 year when they are there. She pracitces a "this is your father and I's time and you are not to have contact with you mother" while on our time theory. She has had me blocked from e-mailing his work address and set up a family e-mail address which she checks. Several items pertaining the children's schedules are overlooked because she has not thought they were important enough to share with her husband. All of the children's instructors, teachers and friends parents have been caught in the cross fire and it is not healthy for the well-being of our children and I am constantly having to smooth things over. She has even lost friends because they have expressed their opinions that she is obsessed with proving our marriage failed because of my faults. What I have learned in the last 24 hours from reading the various blogs pertaining to the subject of how to deal with ex wifes is please take the advise on all sites and the kids come first. An ex is an ex for a reason and learn to trust your husband. If your husbands ex is single understand that a majority of single women with primary custody do struggle finacially. People don't have kids thinking they are going to divorce and their lives are going to change but single mom's have to adjust and NO child support doesn't make up for the loss of income lost in a divorce. In essence, what I see happening two years into my divorce and dealing with my ex husband is he has begun appreciating me more and now resenting his new wife for her accusations and the embarrassement that she is putting all of us through to point out what she feels as my short comings. My children are also becoming more protective of me because they do not like anyone attacking their mother. In closing, I am happy he my ex has someone in his life that helps him with our kids, however, I believe it is important for the new wife to respect the role of the children's mother. The children will only have 1 mother ( and 1 father) and their dad may have more wifes in the future if this pattern does not change. I too, have a boyfriend with 3 children and I have not had any of the problems mentioned above or that I have experienced because I trust him and I know what is acceptable. His children respect me and their dads relationship and I feel his ex wife is thankful that I help make their lives better by helping him make good decisions. Afterall, the children do come first.


Cat's Eyes 5 years ago

Nikki: Thanks for the responds. I think the main reason why I wanted to post here was to give some insight on the other side. In my case it is the new wife that is psycho, but them again she may be normal and just naive to her new husbands past.

It seems like her goal was/still is; to punish me for all the wrongs "I" did to her new love. Punishing me for a past that she has no idea or clue about. She claims I was and am lazy. According to her all I did was lay on the coach, watch t.v and eat Bon Bons for 20 years. She also claims I used my ex as a 24/7 ATM card. I'm sure all these accusations came from him; the manipulating con artist.

Facts are: I wanted to work, I wanted to go to school I had a dream and life before I met my ex. He was the one who manipulated life to fit his twisted idea of a normal family. Plus, we all know how hard being a stay at home home is, my girls are very close in age. The first two are a year apart, the third came 2 years later. Although they were and still are; my world and love of my life, this was very exhausting work. (She is childless, so she will know).It was so exhausting that after giving birth to my third child I was hospitalize for four days due to exhaustion. (Condition had nothing to do with birth, she came easy with 30 minutes of labor) I did everything by myself with the girls, sports, school meeting, parties, dentist, doctors, etc. I have no regrets because, all these times have fund memories attached, but to have a stranger claim to know something else is crazy.

As for the 24/7 ATM card that is a laugh in itself. my ex didn't have dime when I married him. He didn't have any money till he got his break in 2000. For 15 years, I wore yard sale clothing, purchased one pair of shoes per year, ($45 Nike')items like makeup and perfume were luxuries that I rarely had. I cut my own hair, and never dream of spas or manicures. I didn't even have a wedding or an engagement ring. Despite being broke and all the abuse and misery he put me through, I stood by him. Let's just say I was there when he had nothing else. If "Miss Know It All" would take the time to research before talking, she would know the truth through tax records, ex coworker etc.

Now lets get back to her. she claims I used him for an 24/7 ATM but, she is the ones sporting the $7000 ring, designer clothing, big fancy house, expensive trips every year, trips to spas, and weekly manicures and pedicures. Whose the one who swipes that card 24/7? It wasn't me. LOL

Like I said I admit I did do some crazy stuff when I found out he was leaving me for her. Not for the fact he was leaving me for her, but the fancy he had planned on leaving me with nothing from the marriage, just so he could support her fancy live style. Also having to fight her family was tough. Plus what was that for? Her family had no business in it (the new wife's mother, her brother, her brother's father-in-law) These people knew nothing about me yet they sat in court like they did.

As for your question, yes, I'm doing better,(BTW Thanks) I have my girls, and thanks to him I have survival skills. I know how to live on a tight budget and his abuse has made me strong. Thanks for listening


AnaniMoose 5 years ago

Well, I wouldn't find this page if I wasn't desperately trying to seek help for my own situation with my husband's ex. A little spoil brat she is! She always gets what she wants especially when it comes to financial support for the kids. They are adults now, making a life for themselves. My husband helps them every now and then, but the ex won't even contribute. Sure she can buy signature clothings, bags etc, goes to the casino almost everyday, but when it comes to saving some money for the kids, she comes running to my husband to bail them out. I hope I'm not being selfish; it is just that she claims to be "the best mother in the world" but she won't lift a finger to help her kids out. Can't even cook for them etc. And here I am, quiet and holding my horses. I'm really really sick of her! Help! :(


nazan 5 years ago

ok l have a question what can we do to stop this womans ruening our lifes. thats what l want to know. l read some of writings every one have allmost the same problem me to. l need to find out what can wwe do to stop this pls some one write me back thank you... l am getting crazy


Codi Nowacki 5 years ago

Wow - I totally understand. I am so sorry that other step-moms and new wives are dealing with what I go thru. I would not wish my husbands ex on my worst enemy - but at this point with her lies and back stabbing games she IS my worst enemy. There is nothing we can do, I really feel like there is no hope at all. For them - or us.


sarahmerbear 5 years ago

Okay wow I knew ex wives were bad but WOW... Now my story.

Me and my man have been together for a little over two years. And what a wild ride it has been. First of all I have to say that our relationship has been pretty solid even with all the drama that has happened and is still happening.

To start it off my honey's ex is mentally disabled (brain surgery)she's bipolar ups and downs. And so is MY Sister, will explain later... So anyways in the beginning of our relationship he was still living with her but she knew about us.(she knew pretty much right from the beginning a week later) anyways I called her and wanted to meet her, so we did. And we sat at the park for several hours just talking about our lives and her husband that is also my boyfriend. She would call me and be so calm and collected. My boyfriend was telling me how trashed the house was so I offered to go over there and clean, and I did. Me and her talked while I clean and sorted. His ex was so nice to me and my kids.

My boyfriend started moving in with me and there went the niceness and the sanity. She came to our place of work and had her friend throw out some of his stuff right in front of all our co-workers. She came over to my apartment in the middle of the night and broke in saying she needed to talk to him. (was nothing of any importance)Then the letters started coming.....She started sending them to my work,home, my mother, and even the corporate I was working for. Calling me at least twice everyday.She filled up my voice mail box.I have over a dozen letters at-least three pages long describing how bad he is and how he will never love me as much as he loves her, etc etc. She became obsessed.

One day she called him wanting some money and he told her no or later, so what did she do you ask? She came to my mothers house with their daughter and daughters friend demanding some paintings His father painted. When he told her no she lost it. She started slamming him against the outside of the house and hitting him with her cane. So he went to leave in his car and she went after him in her car. She t-boned his car with hers in my mothers front yard twice. With the kids in the back seat mind you. When he got out of the driveway his car started running out of gas and she rear ended him then took off down the road.

So after that inncodent. I got scared that she just might do something worst to me or my children. I told my sister about this incodent and she told me that i should get a restraining order. So I did. She showed up to the court date wanting to fight the restraining order. So it got postponned til a later date so she could get a attoreny. Of course she never got one so i got the restaing order.

Did the restraining order stop her..no...And yes I could of called the cops but I didn't because they have a daughter together and didn't want her mommy to go to jail. My sister kept on saying "she's crazy you should call the cops on her ass they won't let her out cause shes crazy." i kept telling her "no i can't do that."

Couple months later we moved across the country. Then she started calling my cellphone everyday 'have him call me"or belittling me. I changed my cellphone number but that didn't stop her she called my boyfriend cellphone provider and got my new number. Got into his email account emailing all his friends. got on my myspace and facebook emailed all my friends. She's was going non stop. She even posed as my boyfriend, in a email and broke up with me, whats with that?

One day me and my sister got into an argument over so family stuff and haven't spoken since(10 months ago). Sometime before that my sister and her daughter got into it and my sister kicked her daughter(my niece 16) out and brought her to my mothers house.

Well where we moved to wasn't working out for us and he was missing his daughter. So we moved back were my mother was living but my mother was moving out.So we were trading places with my mom sort of speek.And my niece was going to be living with us. Well my niece and her mom havent had contact in 5 months. My niece was going to be home alone for 4 days then we would be back home with her.

So what happened?.... DFS got involved and put my niece in foster care. SO here we are go to a meeting with DFS where me sister is supposed to be, does she show...no. But she is on speakerphone where she begins to tell the social workers that i am unfit parent because I "do drugs and party" Not thinking about her daughters well being shes in foster care....geeeez.

The next week my boyfriend goes to his ex's house to pick up his daughter and who is there MY SISTER!!! She has befriended my boyfriend ex. Now isn't that low. So now I have two women that hate me with a passion living together. My nephew and his daughter are there and they have to listen to all of the bashing of my boyfriend and I. So we go to court where my sister tells the court she wants my niece to stay in foster care because i "do drugs' so couple days later i have to get a hair follicle test done to prove that I dot do drugs.

Meanwhile my boyfriend keeps getting these calls from his ex saying I'm a witch like literally broomstick kind of witch. and couple days ago she calls my phone asking to speak to my boyfriend and he was at the house and she had the nerve to ask me for my house number i told her no and wow did she ever get pissed off she said "that's fine b@*#ch!!!"

Now she's posing as my sister emailing my niece everyday. I just have my hands in the air because I truly want to get along with the ex. My boyfriend has a daughter with her. I am one of those people that don't want to hate or be angry because I feel it hurts your spirit. So I try to wipe it off my shoulders and keep moving forward. So that's my story I feel better venting it out. Thank you for reading hopefully things will get better and ill be able to update you all with good news.


thelaststraw 5 years ago

I feel relieved reading these comments. I try not to talk to my girlfriends about these issues because I find it embarrassing….they would think I was a fool for putting up with it. My husband's ex is evil, to her core. Like many of you said, she's only civil when she wants something or scheming to get something. She uses the kids (two daughters, 12 and 9) to manipulate him at every turn. When my husband told her he was getting re-married, she went to a notoriously unethical attorney and tried to set him up to “react” to her unilaterally changing the 50/50 parenting schedule…she called the police, sent a letter to the school lying about being in “litigation”; she got so desperate that she tried to say he abused her while they were married. She told us she was intentionally dragging us through every step of litigation so that she could eventually get her own way and he would “run out of money and give up”. She wanted the kids 100% of the time, and for him to write her a check. She pulled out all the stops and spent half of her 401k doing it, only to get ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. She initiated it, dragged it on, bragged about it—then when she got nothing, she complained to him that she didn’t have money to split extracurricular activities for the children. ??? It has been 6 years, and she still hasn't moved on. She kept our lives in such terrible turmoil from day 1 with litigation, which incapacitated us and we certainly could not think about planning our own lives/future. I feel like the 6 years has been a blur, I feel like I’m in a nightmare and can’t escape, or like I met someone (which we all do on a day-to-day) but can’t choose to be away from them—I would never associate with someone like her….Recently after her millionth psychotic episode, I reached the end of my rope and told my husband I'm not going to live like this for the next 9 years. She works in a cycle of 3 months--always a new drama, lots of lying, sneaking, changing stories/rules. The girls are always in the middle, because that’s all she can do to control him. I feel so sorry for them, like they have to play both sides just to survive—they are learning to be master manipulators like their mother—I wonder what kind of people they will turn out to be. Neither parent wants to relinquish their custodial rights (hers is more for “ownership” purposes—sick as it sounds-- and his, because he can see she abuses and uses them and he loves them and wants to offer some stability regardless of the personal cost to him). I can see that going back and forth on a 50/50 schedule between houses is not working-she is so extremely opposite to us-- disorganized, unsanitary and negligent. We buy everything, take care of everything, and manage homework and responsibilities. Most of the time I feel like I’m just being used. I have a son from another marriage, and when his daughters come here I feel like I don’t give him any attention because they are so starved for attention and constantly demand mine. Even as a realist, this is definitely not how I envisioned things, and there never seems to be an answer, or a solution. I’m not looking for a miracle, just some peace.


frankie45 5 years ago

I am so glad I found this website. It is SO GREAT to know that I am not the only one going through this shit. I dont understand how you can be married to someone and have childern with them and then all of a sudden want to make there life a living hell and keep the kids away from there father. These stupids bitches are even lucky that the dads are around and paying something. My boyfriend's divore isnt finall yet and he is paying his ex wife 1600 a month. He doesnt have to pay her ANYTHING yet he chooses to because of his kids. Yet that dumb bitch blames him for everything god forbid she ever did anything wrong and she still asks him to pay for things all the time. HELLO you get 1600 a month get a job!

Anyways thank you ladies for sharing your stories I feel better already.


CarteBlanche4u profile image

CarteBlanche4u 5 years ago

Hi I am a soon to be ex wife and I can't wait. I have a child outside of the marriage. My husband and I never have problems with MY ex. My ex and I have respect for one another as well as our children and will not disrespect one another's marriage. I have never subjected my husband to that sort of ignorance. On the other hand I hate my husband and his baby's mom because of the situation that he puts me in. I have stood around taking everyones crap for years, as a matter of fact I don't believe he was even aware I existed until I exploded today and put his ass out.

There are TWO (2) sides to every story. I have put up with his baby momma calling, texting, emailing porn, writing long hate letters and sending them to our home in the mail expressing how she hates me because he gives me money (?) as well as a host of other things that have absolutely nothing to do with the children at all.. She uses those kids as pawns to get what she wants and its disgusting.. He pays her child support his mom pays her rent IN FULL every month in addition to her receiving child support, her mom also pays her CELL phone bill every month, this lazy welfare recipient ***** never gets finish begging, and they never tire of running to her rescue.. she calls every week saying her lights are cut off.. I feel like this disrespectful ***** lives in of our household. His mom calls every other day saying how different men are sleeping on her couch in front of his children (?) .

Did I mention we never get to see the children? She wont allow him see nor speak with his children unless she needs to get something out of the deal.. I am so sick of seeing my husband soon to be EX running to her rescue. When it comes to her there are no boundaries..

Today he mailed her money to get her car fixed, and I just snapped. It has been building up for 7 years now.. people love saying it's all about the kids, if that's the case don't ever get married until your children are adults, wives shouldn't be tortured, neglected, nor disrespected at the expense of a baby momma's happiness and comfort.. I want my husband out of my life so that I get with a man who knows how to set limitations for trifling attention seeking *****s like that.

I tell my husband all the time that his children WILL grow up and will develop a family of their own, his children WILL put their family first " before him" as they should, and when they do, who will be there for him to grow old with, and spend the rest of his life with? once he has run every woman off by always putting her in second place.

No One wants to, or should be treated that way.. I know because I am a mother and would never put our children before my husband.. When our children become adults & marry I will be happy for them. I will tell my son to always put his wife first before their children, to come together as parents and raise those kids to respect others, to treat people like they want to be treated. After all is is the golden rule right?


Jessica 5 years ago

I know exactly what you guys mean! My husband and I are taking his ex to court to try and get residential custody of his 4 year old daughter. As of right now we have to split months and holidays were voided which means whoever has the child that month spends those holidays with that parent. Our month to have her is December and our weekend also falls on Christmas. She is supposed to pick up my step daughter tonight but she says she will not be there because we "promised" she could have her for Christmas. Just this year she has had her for Halloween, Thanksgiving, my step daughter's birthday, Easter AND the 4th of July. Halloween was our month but she slimed her way into us giving her up. She also sends my step daughter in hand-me-down clothes too big and worn out shoes too small. So what do we do? Send her back in clothes that fit and shoes that are almost brand new (we never get ours back so they are new) and she throws a fit because she wants "her" clothes back. But refuses to hand ours over. I am sure we have spent hundreds on clothes we have seen once. But what can we do? Send her right back in those clothes?

Another wonderful thing she does is she will NOT cut This little girls hair at all, then she gets mad when we do. I mean come on! She has to see right? "But girls are supposed to have long hair, and if you cut it again I will take you to court" Bring it!

The list goes on and on haha but I will stop there.

I am soo glad there are others out there fighting like we are to help these children. They deserve so much better than what they get half the time. Thank you all. :)


what_next? 5 years ago

I can relate to a lot of what has been said by everyone and feel for you all. I find myself second guessing her and yet after years of them living apart and he and I beig together she still doesnt get it and I still cannot second guess her next move! I wonder if you can. The latest nonsense has been a friend of theres coming to say with my partner. I should explain we have had a long distandce relationship for three years now. He lives in his flat alone when he is working up there and he sees his teenage kids who are at school around the corner (although she kept them away from him for a year but that is now sorted) and I live down south in my house, we spend a lot of time travelling. Every now and again we talk about moving in and moving area but I cant quite move my boys (three sons and one with special schooling requirements) and he cant either. So the friend who knows them both is visiting from out of town and asked to stay at my partners flat. The ex then tells my partner that she will need to see him too and will be sleeping there too in the spare room and that the children will be in their rooms...they have rooms at both houses. WTF? He said no way. So now, a few weeks on...more relatives....who I know well....they have stayed in my home several times...but they are going up to stay in his flat and I cant be there so what is she going to plan....whats the pattern with these women who cannot let go? Even when he has spelt it out...he once said that even if I died he would not be geting back wiht her. She hears bla bla bla..how are you...oh he asked me how I am, he needs me and wants me back? Always texting ...several every hour...wanting to meet for coffee, a swim or a walk or a go xmas shopping...endless chasing and harassing. When one of his siblings died recently she retended not to know where he was so the attention would still be on her. She needs his attention all the time. When they were together it sounds like he did everything for her and her way....and so she has fallen from a very great height. She doesnt want anyone else....just wants her best friend back. We have been through all the classic behaviour I know of...hystrionics about me...her phoning late at night and saying how fat and ugly I am and are we shagging (of course we are!)...she is obsessive about what he is doing and what I am doing and god forbid if we appear to be going on a 'fucking holiday' or a concert or anything fun. She has plenty of opportunities to do these things with him but just made him feel bad about himself and now she wants him back. She says she doesnt but her obsession with him says differently. She supposedly had cancer for a while and then she didnt. She is always ill it seems. I just want to know what is next on the list of mad behaviour ...there must be a list of things angry exes do? Help :-(


what_next? 5 years ago

Oh shay..I have read most of the posts but not in order so just read yours about the family wedding. Dont you dare give in to her. Next time you go to the wedding and hold your head up high! I can see that your husband should not have kept it from you but he probably wanted a quiet life..it will not be that he wants to spend time with her. But I think you should explain to him how this has made you feel and maybe reverse it....how would he feel if you were going to a wedding and your ex was there but you didnt tell him, especially if he had caused a lot of trouble in the past. Exes who cant let go seem to think they have more pwer than they do and it is all about anger and revenge. The thing is...so she has won a tiny battle but YOU have wont he war because he choses to live with you and love you every day ...hope this helps...hugs to all the long suffering new wives out there...we all deserve bloody medals!


what_next? 5 years ago

OMG the laststraw...you have hit the nail on the head...I just want some peace too. It may not happen but I am guessing boundaries. At first I used to distract my partner so that when she sends (truly hateful) texts that destroy him he didnt have his phone on...we would be in the cinema or theatre or anywhere so there was some respite from her constant barrage of horribleness but real life and children means you cant always do this. It feel likes bullying on a major scale but disguised by the poor me routine or whatever histrionic panic over car, heating, computer, children it is that week. It sounds like you have your hands completely full. Fine some time for your lovely boy too...do something nice just the two of you. They will all survive without you one in a while. I was talking to a teenager recently who sounds similar to your husbands girls and she said (talking about the step mum) that she had been consistantly kind all the way through even when he mum was making things difficult. She played, as you said, both sides to survive but children know who has the kind heart and it is you they will rate quietly among themselves. All you can do is guide them as youa re doing but remember to take a little bit of time for you wont you. I feel sad reading all this but also good to know kinda that others are going through similar stuff. It si like living with permanent stress and you kid yourself that one day she will stop but as the woman who had been the new wife for twenty years pointed out..it may never stop and that is a daunting prospect!


1st&onlywife 5 years ago

I would think if you got your own husband and not another womans. None of you would be having problems with the ex wife!!


Pissy In Augusta 5 years ago

Is it me??? I am the second wife, recently married to my husband 4 months ago. We have a great relationship but his ex has been munipulative the entire duration of our relationship. I have a problem with her coming in our home. The last time she came in our home she "busted" in without an invite because she was pissed that I had "spent the night" before we got married, so she came in uninvited- snatched the kids up, cussing and screaming and acting like a raging fool. Since this incident which was about a year ago, I have made the comment she is not welcome in my house. She has not been invited in nor has she seemed to take interest in coming in until right around Christmas. Since then she recently came in picking the kids from their weekend visit (which mind you it is 10:00 and I am in my loungewear not to mention I have to work the next day), one of the kids want her to see a toy, so she comes in and chats with the kids about what she has to do the next day and where they are going to go etc... I mean seriously, I was pissed- because number 1- its late, she is already late pickng them up- #2 I really dont want her in my house anyway, and 3- she could have had this conversation with them on the ride home... Am I being a bitch about this or do I have a legitimate complaint here... is she being munipulative again. I have not said anything to her yet, I really dont want to start any drama but I really want her just to stay the hell out of my home, so I guess if I need to say something I will, but I really wanted to hear what other people thought before I take that road. Any advise would be helpful and really if anyone thinks that I just need to get over it please tell me, but I dont think I am being irrational.


Dara Kirk 5 years ago

Oh my goodness, this sounds like LISA!!!!! I can't believe it to be true, although the ex wife you deal with sounds much nicer than LISA CHES&%%!!! Let me tell you, she has her daughter Kayla lie for her, she lets her daughter Kayla know that she does drugs, lets her daughter watch her do drugs (Kayla is 13) She gave Kayla up to her dad John and then a few months later decided she wants Kayla back..so sure enough she files a PFA to take her daughter back, a bogus pfa that she made her daughter file against her dad, she is a screwd up BIOTCH. I can't stand the woman and she is teaching Kayla all the wrong ways in life to deal with stuff, seriously she has issues that are beyond believable. She needs serious mental help and so do her parents Kathy and Tim!!!! He goes around acting perfect when he is the one who raised the monster I call Lisa, now they want custody of Kayla thinking they can do such a better job with Kayla! HA good luck~!!!!!! He raped all his sisters and has all kinds of issues, but thinks he is "well" enough to raise his granddaughter!!! BULL SH!T!!! Dirt bag better never lay a damn finger on my husbands daughter. The family that we need to deal with all have major issues and seems the only normal one here is my husband who never lies to his daughter, never harms her, never asks her to lie for him, never speaks bad about her mom or grandparents to her (her mom and grandparents always speak bad about dad to Kayla), has Kayla in school everyday, makes sure her homework is done, bed time, showers, clean room and just normal things. Well Kayla hates him because for the past 13 years has been told nothing but lies about him from her family. She recently moved in with us (like I said mom gave her up) now mom wants her back so everyone is back at it with lies, pfa's, custody battles, you name it. It's insane I'm about to break, I can't stand how Lisa, Tim and Kathy all use Kayla as their own little pawn. It's bull Sh!T and I'm tired of it. I'm just rambling and yet I have 10 years of stuff to say but yet I only talked about 1 month of it. HA Freakin' HA. I know Karma is a biotch and one day Lisa, Tim and Kathy...you all will get bit in the arse by karma!!!


SOONTOBENEWWIFE. 5 years ago

I can totally relate to all of these stories, which im not happy anyone has to go through this but im glad im not alone!

I am actually getting married to my fiance in 9 months & he has a 19 month old with his ex. We have been together since he is 6 months old. I have been around through alot of his first & last & i love that little boy as he would be my own. Well this girl is CRAZY! She dislikes me because she still loves my soon to be husband - Reason i know this you ask ? About three months ago she got really mad when she threatened him for the last time before i stepped in. She told him that he would never see his son again because i am not his mother & will not act like it, (i think if he was my son id want someone to treat him like there own for his wellbeing) So i went off. I told her exactly how i feel and been feeling for a while now. She then goes and files a Restraining order on him ! He never said a single thing to her because i didnt give him the chance! She lied and told the judge that he slapped her & everything! I wanted to slap the stupid out of her SO BAD. Well anyway, so latley since he is not allowed to speak to her myself and his mother have too. Which i dislike ALOT but gotta do it. Well some days she is nice as can be, EVEN bought us a christmas gift this year - BIG SUPRISE! Well we just recently had my soon to be stepson this past weekend. When we have him we try and do alot of different things with him, from going to the park to play dates with other friends kids; so my fiance felt that his hair was needed to be cut so we brought him, thinking that it was fine & she wouldnt have to pay for it if we brought him (she is also on every welfare Louisiana offers, even a freaking government cellphone - SERIOUSLY PATHETIC! && gets child support every week & works a full time job) Mind you she never sends this child in new clothes, or shoes - or even anything decent looking - always run down, old & dirty clothes - we really try and keep him in nice clothes cause everyone likes to look nice even children! Well needless to say she had the never to call his mother & say that she is pissed off that "I" brough him get his hair cut & that it was messed up! She had this child looking like Justin Beiber for christ sakes. She would have never tended to it, just like she pawns off her child to everyone else around her so she can run off with her flavor of the week but she has nothing but rude and sh*tty things to say about me & him. We do nothing but help & take care of this child. He is the world to us & we dont want it anyother way. So we filed with a lawyer to go for atleast 7 & 7 & discussed it with a friend who went and gave her a heads up, so now she is being a different person for like a hour, then back to her BS ! Im really tired of it, & may slap her REALLY soon !!!!!!!

Just glad i got to vent (:


Theresa 5 years ago

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's a little relief knowing that I'm not the only one dealing with this type of situation. I myself have been going through very something similar for almost 12 years. What a strain on every member of my family including a huge strain on my marriage. I had no idea I signed up for this when I said "I do" that's for sure!

This looks like it was written quite a while ago. I was wondering how you were doing and if things have taken a turn for the better or worse.

Hope all is well as could be.


bren 5 years ago

Unless u want to be miserable.. stay away from men with ex wifes and children.. I am sorry to say this but I have been married now for 2 years and prior to my marriage the ex wife was tolerable.. since my wedding it has became intolerable.. she tried for more child support and decreased visitation for us... she lost. Thank god . But the stress caused problems in my marriage.. I love his 3 kids but they are manipulative just like the mom.. and she is a nut case. Its a hard life


Polie 5 years ago

Wow, I am not alone.

Some ex-wives are just paranoid over their ex husband's fast recovery.


1st time mommy 5 years ago

i have been dealing with my bf's crazy ex babymama for over 2 years now. & now im pregnant & i know its just gonna escalate the situation once she finds out because she is still obsessed with him & also constantly throws low blows & comments at him it irritates me to no end


slee 5 years ago

Please advice,,

I will share the story and help me I need advice....My husband this time was married to his wife way back 1999. he is a manager in a store during that time and his wife was his supervisor. Years past by the wife steal money from the store and later on she was caught because my husband that time always think of his 2 children who will take good care of them he plead the guilt even if he is not the one who do that even the police said No we want your wife to make the story short my husband shoulder the burdens supposed to be his exwife...the wife wants him to fight but he didnot because he did not wants to be in jail for 14 years or more he paid charges and everything i think less than &40,000 until this time he is still lacking less than &19,000.to make this short so they still leave us husband and wife.years past by my husband catch that his wife was cheated him and it happens a lot of times so they lived in different house for 3 years before they got devorced....

My husband give financial support to his exwife but not too much. But its just fair after the burdens she made for my husband this time.... we get married this year dec.2010.I am asian.First time we met of her ex-wife shes okay but later on shes fighting for child support.....my husband was unemployed for more than a year now because of felony charged that was made by his exwife so hard for him to find job....

I need help ....I want that her exwife will shoulder the burdens she had maybe 10 years ago but I dont know how.... about the child support my husband still paying until this time what shes did.... I am waiting your advice thanks...


??????????????? 5 years ago

How the hell is it that there is nothing that can be done??? It is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. I have a son with my ex eife that is now turning 10. She and Split when I found out she was sleeping around with multiple guys 8 years ago. I paid my support and then she stopped it and said that she could do it on her own and blah blah blah. So after 2 years she decides to open the support case again and guess what? I am now behind something like 20000.00 in support?????? My current wife and I are blown away by this. I have now become a bad guy who doesnt pay his bills and on top of that I am about to apply to the California highway patrol. How the hell is that ever going to happen being behind in support. She has ruined my life. I have 2 daughters with my current wife and we struggle every month to keep a decent life going for our kids, I just dont know what to do. The law is so one sided it is horrible. Something needs to change. I cant believe that there are no lawyers out there trying to fight for the fathers rights in these kinds of cases.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 5 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Slee,

Any "advise" I give is really only my opinion.

I'm unsure on what to tell you. I don't have many answers, as I myself still have problems dealing with an ex myself. It has gotten better for me, but by far is it gone. It's definitely still an issue and probably always will be.

I must admit I am a little confused by your story. Did he take the blame for it voluntarily or did his ex place the blame on him and he was unable to get out of taking the fall because it was her work against his and she won being in a higher position at the store?

If he took the blame on his own accord, I'm afraid he has made his bed and will have to lie in it. If he didn't take the blame, yet was blamed anyway, I truly believe there is such a thing as karma and that it will definitely come back to bite her in the ass. Even when karma does get her, that still doesn't help your husband out of his situation.

Was the financial support he gave to his ex documented through the court? If not, then again, it's her word against his and if there's no proof that he paid anything then the court won't care. Also, if the financial support was not through the courts yet there is proof he was giving her money, I'm afraid some courts might consider that a "gift" to her unless SHE specifies that it was to support the kids. Again, these are only my opinions and I'm not sure how the court system always works. Also, different states work different ways. It's even more complicated if you live in two different states.

I'm pretty sure what you were saying is that your husband took the blame voluntarily in which case, I'm afraid that there's really not much he can do. The ex wife knows that she is truly to blame for the theft and he's paying the price. Even if he's paying a fine for what happened, he's still obligated to pay support regardless. I know that it gets frustrating when there is more money going out than what is coming in but I'm not sure much can be done about it.

Maybe, you can get a free consult from a lawyer to see if there is any way your ex can appeal what he took the blame for previously. I'm not sure if it would work, but maybe he can get the charges removed if he can prove that it wasn't him??

That's really all I can think of. I'm sorry you guys are in a tight spot but husbands with ex wives can come with a lot of "baggage". Whether is was known before or after you married him. It's pretty much inevitable.

Good luck. I hope things eventually work out for you.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 5 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

????????????,

What state do you live in?? That is ridiculous that they would retroactive two years of support payments that were supposed to be closed! It was closed through the courts, wasn't it? I don't know how they can do that. That is definitely not fair.

My husbands ex told him that when she starts to make six figures a year, that she won't want his child support any more. That is such a load of crap cause she is so money hungry that she always wants more, more, more!

I'm pretty sure though, that if your ex agrees, that she has the power to "forgive" the "arrears". However, it doesn't sound to me like she's the type of person that would do such a thing.

Even me being a woman, I think that the courts should stop siding with the woman all the time. They really need to start digging deeper. I think that maybe they have so many custody and support filings that they just rush through them to get them out of the way. There should be more lawyers out there for fathers rights and perhaps that would offer discounts or in some cases pro bono work for fathers who are having a really tough time when the ex gets all his money.

Keep all of us posted as to any changes, good or bad...

Good luck to you!


christianmother27 5 years ago

This site has had some good information. I swear, I think my husband's ex-wife is clinically insane. Now if only we could prove it ... He has three children with her, they were married because she got pregnant in high school. They divorced because she wanted it - she got what she wanted from him (he paid for her to go to nursing school) and then she left him. She has been remarried several years and he has always had to play her games. He met me and we got married and he has since realized he doesn't have to play her games. That doesn't mean she isn't playing them.

First, all three of her children are in therapy and on medication (and I personally believe this is due to her emotional abuse of them). I have a daughter from a previous marriage, and one daughter with my husband and another due any day. His oldest three children love my children. Yet the ex is always trying to incite jealous between them. For example, my daughter and my husband's second daughter share the same birthday... so when we had visitation with them on that day we decided to have a joint birthday party (something I have been doing with my cousin whose birthday is 6 days away from mine for years). The ex told my husband (within earshot of his daughter) that she deserved her OWN party and her OWN cake and she shouldn't have to share with my daughter, etc etc. Just something to stir up drama. I am hearing stories now about how the children feel jealous over my unborn child already, and given what I have actually witnessed, I have no doubt in my mind that the jealousy is stirred up from the ex.

He pays his child support, which coincidentally is more than we can comfortably afford as he makes way less now than when it was initially set up (it is literally 2-3 of his 4 paychecks a month), and as a result we are sharing housing with his parents, and are on public aid just to be able to provide food and medical care to the children we have living with us.

We are currently in court trying to change how the ex thinks she can do whatever she wants. She punishes the children for activities they engage in while they are on visitation with my husband. She constantly calls them while they're here and make them feel bad. Now she is trying to use them to get even MORE money from my husband. Just today she called my step daughter and told her she needed to ask her dad for money for more minutes for her cell phone... Yes I can't feed my children and he's going to buy minutes for a cell phone... right. Luckily my husband is in agreement with me over the issues. Before he met me he was manipulated into giving her all this extra money. She obviously isn't using his child support to support the children. She is using the public aid system as much as she can (SSI, medicaid, etc). She is a very very greedy person and it actually infuriates me because I just see money as a tool used to get by. I don't have any high dreams of visiting foreign countries or buying luxurious cars and houses. I just want to be able to live my "happily ever after" with my husband (as when he is not dealing with ex-drama that's exactly what it is).

As bad as it sounds I dread visitation with his children because of the drama that always seems to either happen during the visitation, or follows afterwards. He was actually chewed out for an hour on the phone by his ex for not buying the children enough Christmas presents... Mind you we bought what we could, we tried to make it as nice a time for them as we could, and we had even taken them bowling a couple of weeks before Christmas as kind of a treat. But apparently that was good enough, and what we DID buy for them we were told wasn't good enough, we should have just given them cash instead of gift certificates, etc. Oh and we also found out that she had confiscated some of the things we sent back with them because according to her they had "negative spiritual energies".

I actually spent most of December in a constant state of depression, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to eat, etc because of all the drama she was introducing into our lives (and this wasn't a real good thing considering I was in month 8 of my pregnancy).

By contrast... my two children are happy, friendly, and seemingly not afraid of anything - and this has been commented to me many times. In fact the ex made a complaint to the judge that our house was dirty and full of cat crap (it's not, until this past week when I am too sore from pregnancy to navigate around much I have kept the house very clean), and so the judge said DHR was to come out and conduct a home study of our house. Well the DHR lady came out, looked around, talked to us, etc. She made a comment that my oldest daughter was so confident, so friendly. It is like night and day seeing my children and seeing his children. I only hope that some people in an official capacity will see what I see. They are terrified of their mother - or rather of disobeying her. Even at the ages of 11, 13, and 15 they get spanked/beat/whatever with a ping pong paddle.

Me and my husband are leery to even say ANYTHING to the children now because we are used to being able to be open and honest, but with them we can't be. A comment my husband made in response to my step-son's question about what would my husband do if someone broke into our house morphed into something completely different. It turned from saying he would take care of an intruder to he was planning to lure his ex onto the porch and shoot her, which totally was never even said. As such, the ex got a PFA against him and we didn't even see the kids for nearly a whole year. Even though we missed the kids, it was actually quite relaxing... no drama. Then we had court this past December and the judge removed the children from the ex's PFA and restored visitation (coincidentally this is another reason we couldn't lavish Christmas gifts on the children... we didn't even know we were going to be SEEING them till so late and as I had been laid off we just didn't have a lot of extra money floating around). That's when the drama started. The children being conscripted to ask my husband for more money, the calls from the ex telling my husband he's not good enough, etc.

The hilarious thing is.. and the DHR lady was shocked when we mentioned this to her... the ex IS remarried! She shouldn't be messing around in my husband's life. I am an ex-wife as well and I don't feel this burning need to make my ex-husband's life a living hell. Whenever he wants visitation with my daughter I let him, with as little conversation as possible. When he calls I don't even answer, I give it to my daughter for her to answer (gogo caller id) and I let her call whenever she wants. I don't see why my husband's ex feels this need to try and push her way into his life except that she's crazy.

Anyways sorry for the crazy long post, I just had to vent a little!


Tiredandhopeless  5 years ago

Wow, i can't tell you how good it feels to know i am not alone in dealing with such horrible women. i can't tell you how many tears i have shed how many panic attacks i have had just knowing that i have to face my husbands ex. My husband only had one daughter with his ex they were never married they just lived together for 3 years till they finally split ways. My husband and i have been married for almost three years and for our entire married we have been to court over his daughter about 2 or 3 times a year if not more, my husbands ex was very much like yours when they first when to mediation because she refused to let my husband see his daughter for over 3 months so while we are sitting in the mediation office after a few hours they finally come out of the little room and she comes and sits by me and introduces herself to me (????) She had seen me several times and never uttered a word to me. ( I later learned it was all for show in front of the mediation officer) She sits there and says "since you are going to have my daughter i want to know who you are" Then starts just babbling she then tell me that if the little girls wants to call me mom then that would be fine that means that i would be treating her the right way, But then she says that she is her mother, Finally we ended the conversation and they went back to finalized the paper work.... Sadly to say the mediation didn't last long at all, she wouldn't let my husband pick up his daughter like the mediation order stated, So then we were back in court.... This has been three long years! I am now pregnant and can't imagine going through all of this once our little baby is here... How can i put my child through this stress? I don't know what to do anymore, we are now on our way back to court in just a few weeks because she wants more money... we have no savings because we have spent it all on attorney fee's and no extra money for our baby on the way. I don't know what to do..... Tired and hopeless.


Kishaj 5 years ago

Im glad Im not the only one dealing with a crazy ex-wife. Here is my story. Ive been with my husband 4 years we a 5 month old and I have a 10 year old from my relationship, he has 3 children with his ex-wife ages 13-18. she put childsupport on him just to do it because she is stil mad that they are not together. She told him she dropped support so he was giving her money. He recieved a warrant in the mail for non-pyament of support because it was never dropped. He got layed off from his job..so paying has been a struggle he constantly asked her to drop it because he's on unemployment and taking care of our house and trying to pay child support. we have the kids every weekend which I think she does on purpose because he was suppose to be every other weekend so, if they are with us we dont have time to have a moment for us.when we cant the kids she calls back to back several times to our home to argue curse and threating him with everything from giving up his rights to calling to increase child-support. Then she wants 20 dollars a week for the kids lunch money food for her house, and child support money! I think she has lost her freaking mind!!! I can deal with her anymore...I usually try to stay out of it but Im losing patience with her. He is a really good dad and if he could do more he would, but I think she feels because this was once her husband she can do whatever she wants and be able to get whatever she wants. She's always saying things like tell your girl to give you the money, she getting her income taxes or take her car and get the kids...just so much drama, that I just cant take anymore. We have our financial struggles since he's been layed off so she is just trying to suck us dry and if she can take from us in anyway to hurt him she will do it. This is all because he did what he did and that was move on!! CRAZY


Hate the Ex 5 years ago

I should never have married a man with kids and an exwife. I hate the entire situation. I hate having to go to Disney for Christmas instead of Paris or somewhere else. I hate having to look after kids that are not mine. I'm a professional woman who has chosen not to have kids so I shouldn't have to deal with somebody else's. I hate myself for not thinking of all of this before and not being strong enough to let him go. I would recommend to never marry a man with kids and an exwife. You deserve better.


Jen 5 years ago

It is great to know that I am not alone. I am not even married to my man, he sucked me into falling for him after even telling me no marriage or babies. Here we are, 3 years later. He has 2 kids by DIFFERENT moms. Child support is insane ($2000/mo while employed) and he is now unemployed. Here in NV they "lowered" it to $312 (18%) plus still stuck him with the $335 daycare every month. And, if he is to become employed, the judge is imposing arrears to be calculated up to 18% of what he makes, therefore, if he becomes employed next year, they will calculate 18% and increase the arrears!!! CA lowered it to $350, finally. And just took our bank acct last friday, even though he was just down there to modify and they received over $12,000 from his tax return. I have two kids myself, and their dad has no idea how good he has it. He has lowered the amount and dictated my life. He barely sees them, to the point my youngest doesn't even want to go anymore. We are now trying to make sure our home and cars are protected, because they reduced the arrears to judgment and he now owes around $10,000 here, due to the judge flat out not liking him. It is crazy to me how these money hungry exes can take all of a man's assets and even come after assets belonging to his new wife/girlfriend. That judge told us that I was "obviously contributing more than I was stating" and would not lower the payment, including my income even though we are NOT married. And I make $12/hr and have two kids who I support... This bitch makes $20/hr, takes like 45% of my boyfriend's income and complains it isn't enough.

She is the reason he ran out and got a vasectomy after they divorced, and now I am unable to have a baby. How fair is that?

And you can't help who you love...

But, realize what you are getting yourself into...


Aimz LewLew 5 years ago

It's calming to know that these experiences are happening to people other than me.

And i think the common thing here is that as much as we (the new wife) stay out of things, it makes it so much harder to watch them manipulate and hurt our husbands.

I know that is the cause of all my anger towards his EX.

I understand that i am 'not' the mother of child, however i would give anything and do anything for that little girl. and when i do, its not ever good enough.

You love them like your own, but theres always that constant reminder that you are nothing but a baby sitter. (in the exs eyes)

I consider myself a fair person, i havent come from a broken home, nor to i have the faintest idea about separation. At times i have to calm my husband down and some times defend his ex (very little does this occur). But as much as i cant stand the woman, i would be the same if i was in her shoes.

Having said that, there has been times where she has been completely selfish and an absolute Bitc#!- Her main focus is on $$$, child support, so even though we have court orders for custody purposes, she will attempt to take the days that suit her.

We are not allowed to have her on any extra occassion, as this will "affect the amount of child support" she gets from my husband. We are allowed no extra days, only swap days. I am not allowed to pick her up, but she can send any god damn person to pick her up. We are not allowed to see her on Christmas Day or any other holiday day. Even though the orders state we get half the day. She will take off on an overseas trip, miss her daughters birthday, and not allow us to take care of her while she is away.. She leaves her with neighbours or anyone else other than us, because of the possible adjustment of child support. Last time she was left at a neighbours house after she couldnt look after herand we had offered but were told no, she had a serious head injury that required hospitalisation and over 40 stiches to her forehead. Is this the best interest of the child? She could have been with her father instead of being palmed off to random people all the time all for the sake of a few $$.

Not to mention the text wars in between all this. I have been called every name under the sun. I must admit that i do get my back up when she calls my husband a legless father, coz he isnt. Always slagging him all the time, i always respond and say, if he was such a bad person/partner, why did you spend 6 years with him and make him the father of your child? (it gets her everytime!)

Above all else, we have an appointment with a Family Law Solicitor to discuss future plans for court orders. They are never adhered to, and are only manipulated to suit her needs. Mind you this is the 3rd time that we have requested a change in orders, but she still breaks them. This time we are going for 50 % custody to keep things fair, we feel we have enough evidence to prove that the current isnt working.

My advise to all step mums/dads out there......

Hang in there! Tomorrows another day. Always support your partner when dealing with their ex, never take your anger out on them. Explain to them how you feel about decisions or scenarios. Try not to argue over the ex either (she is not worth it).

And in regards to the most important thing.... that child is #1 in your partners life. Your partner will love you for loving that child with them. But when that child is around you are number 2. If things get a bit hard, avoid taking any anger out on the child or your spouse. Tell your partner and take some time out, go visit a friend, go shopping do something that will allow you to get a clearer head and allow your husband to spend some alone time with their child. At the end of the day you will have him all to yourself after the child leaves..... and their ex will always be jealous that you got the one that they let go!


birdswife 5 years ago

SOOOOOOOOOOOO glad i found this site, my fiancee ex-wife is a toxic, spoiled and selfish b&*%$#. We were friends for 6 months prior to her knowing about me and I never ever heard from ms.piggy(she is 350lbs by the way) no offense to any one but she constantly talks about me and has never really held a conversation with me. Now, oh she has gots make her presence known, to show me thats is entitled to call, text and appear at his business. We had to go to court for visitation because upon me being in the picture the kids were not allowed to come over, so now its all about the money again, she thinks my fiancee is in debt to her for LIFE because she has two kids for him, whoopy-doo sweet heart women have been having babies since the beginning of time! I have two as well and their father owes me nothing! He does owe his kids and nothing more. Now, she has threated to have his business audited because she thinks he makes more money than what he reported to family court, she also has tried to have him put in jail for being two months behind in CS, but he keeps the kids more than the court order and spends liberally on things they want often. I am sick to my stomach with this crap, any tips on how to make it stop? He has tried creating boundaries, but to no avail. He has manners and is always polite and she uses this ti her advantage, we are head to a cruise in April, I am sure she has a few things up her to do before then.


stressed! 5 years ago

my husbands ex keeps dragging the court order out, and we finally went to court yesterday and everything went in her favour.

i bought him a car because someone burnt his out and she is trying to get half of it even though its not his its mine. my lawyer had no clue what she was doing so it basically was a waist of time because we didnt get anywhere.

she wants half of his super, which he has worked hard for, for more then 14 years.

he has 3 kids with her but he is questioning that they are not his because she slept around.

she plays games with the kids heads, and always has to have control with my husband.

the kids used to come down but now they dont because she said he doesnt want anything to do with them. WHICH IS A LIE!

i have 6 kids of my own and my ex and i are divorced and i would like to move on with my life but we cant do that because of her.

only 3 of my kids live with me and my husband treats them like his own.

his ex and her new husband just recently had a baby and she tried to use that excuse not to come to court.

his kids dont go over and see his parents and they only live down the road from her.

his kids don't want anything to do with me anymore because of her, when they used to come down they always expected that we would take them out all the time and spend my money on them. THEY DIDN'T APPRECIATE ANYTHING!.

everything we said or did when they were down they would report back to their mother.

we had to watch what we said and did in our own home. WE ALL WERE WALKING ON EGG SHELLS!.

this is killing us mentally and physically and we just want it to be over and done with so we can move on. she doesnt want him but she doesn't want anyone else to have him.

he wants to do a DNA test on his kids because he doesn't think they are his. but then maybe he has to pay for her legal cost.

we are trying so hard to finalise this but the bitch wont let it be over.

the house he bought with her has to be sold but she will try and drag it out so she still has controll.

if she does not sell it there is a posibility she can go to court because it was a court order.

karma will come around and she will have her day.

and i can not wait for that day to come.

i just fell like ringing her up and blowing the shit out of her, but she will use that against us at court.

because she is a muliputive little BITCH!!!!!!

have a good one :)) xx


Kaeli 5 years ago

OMG!!! This sounds exactly like my husbands ex, like to a T!! I'm so sorry it seems these narcissistic bitches can't just let it be. There seriously need to be a change in the wealth fare program. I feel for you...


1st time mommy 5 years ago

i am going on 11 weeks pregnant and we still haven't told the ex!! yet when she found out she was pregnant it was announced to the whole world >_< im so pissed. we are waiting til he starts back up at work though so he has money to go to court. the situation as of right now is he only sees the kids on sundays WITH HER THERE because im not allowed around them out of pure jealousy. he hasnt been alone with either one since they were born. & so help me god but that woman will not be allowed around my child either. i do not feel comfortable she is crazy she has threatened to kill herself after he left her and etc, taking the kids if he ever had a baby with someone else. thats what we are preparing for. none of this custody has been arranged by a court but if he wanted to see them alone she would flip script. i really wish these women would find some professional help with coping on living without making our men's lives hell!!


feeling the pain 5 years ago

ok i,m a man

my ex and i have been divorced for five months and seperated for almost eight. we were married for 20 years and have three kids together ages 16 18 20 my son who is 18 is handycap so i know as long as she keeps him in her home she will suck the life out of me. i get my visition on time and some times more when it is conventant for her. we have 50/50 coustdy but she is all ways putting in the kids in things without talking to me about it and expect me to pay half not asking if i can afford it or not. oh and by the way i put her through school and she makes over 120,000. a year as to where i make about 40,000 if i have a good year our plans were to have me go to school when she was done but as it turns out she didn,t need me any more after she got her big paying job i'm not arueging my child support or anything to that. but she makes sure when i tell her that i can't afford dance lessons for my daughter that run 900.00 a month that my daughter knows im not paying and as far as for my son she wants me to pay half of a 1900.00 bill for him to get an evualation done so she can take me to court for sole gaurdianship of him i told her she was crazy i will not pay for her to stripe my rights from me because she knows i can not afford to fight her in court over this. so she gets what she wants all the time not to mention the fact that she got the house and everything in it. i left with my clothes and some personal belongings and that was it. she makes sure that she throws any thing up in my face if i do not comply with what she wants and is allyways dragging out the divorce papers on anything that i do. she is allways nice when she is around other people but makes sure i hear about it when noboby is around i hate the B with all my soul and can only hope that the kids will see her for what she really is before its to late. i am seeing a wonderful woman now annd she has helped me through some rough times and hopefuly will still be there for me in the future. i want to say thank you to all the women that have to put up with our exs and i am truley sorry for how they have treated you i can only hope that one day buildings will fall on all those nasty women and make all our lives better lol if we only lived in a perfect world right.


shirley  5 years ago

We've been married for 23 yrs & have a 21 yr old son in college. My husband's ex wife is a psycho she has 2 adult children with my husband 51 & 49. She's been married to 2 other guys & still goes by my husbands name. She always has to be the center of attraction at every get together. For years I put up with her & her rude parents & finally got so sick of her antics I refused to show up for 3 yrs to any family get togethers. My husband's sons wife is also a bitch who loves to gossip. It's a very dysfunctional family who I chose to stay away from. My son is the same age as my husband's son & all the grandchildren are in high school so it's no big deal for them.

I think the best way to shut these bitches up is ignore them, if they're invisible you don't have to deal with them or make them a part of their life. After all that's why they got divorced because they are losers


annonymus 5 years ago

it sounds like my husband's ex-wife too...holy cow, I think you have her twin!!!!

EXACTLY TO THE TEA! wow, it's like you are telling my story..except for she and I just never got along, I never bothered she was always a thorn on our side, she was a real B**tch on wheels from the very begining


starrinthesky 5 years ago

I am new here and frankly, frightened. I'm in a 4 month relationship with someone - we are soul mates. We love each other and for the first time I know what that means. However, his (still wife) - is a nightmare. She has borderline personality disorder/narcissism I believe from the research I've done. I won't go into all the details but suffice to say much of what you write rings true. Just trying to get the divorce finalized is a nightmare. I thought things would get better over time - we plan to get married when he gets divorced. But now I am freaked that they could actually get worse! They have a 9 year old and she is precious. Of course I'm not allowed to see her right now. He took us on a bowling date for me to meet her and she freaked out and came to his house afterward - after her dropped me off - accusing him of being drunk (WHAT? he doesn't drink much and certainly not when we're out on a bowling excursion with his daughter) and then she insisted on taking the daughter home. She was jealous and taking it out on him. She screams and yells tells him he's worthless, she wishes he were dead, etc. Then a week later she turns to her religion, she knows God has forgiven her, she's sorry for all she did to him when she was mean, etc. She verbally and physically abused him. Now of course he wasn't perfect but she was realizing the mean emails and texts weren't working so she turned to the nice one and blam - he responds - thank you for your email, I appreciate your kind words, I made mistakes too, I only wish the best for you. Great - in a normal amicable divorce this would be wonderful - closure is important. But I don't trust that woman as far as I can see. I have nightmarish visions of her using every tool she can to get him back then resorting to her tantrums when it doesn't work. He wants nothing to do with the marriage but he continues to give in - GIVING HER the house, plus half his retirement (military), etc. Guilt from leaving? I don't know. He is a kind loving man and I know he doesn't want to not do what's right and I have no desire or right to his money; that's not what it's about. It's about her crazy control. Trust me she does not need this much money. He loves me and always tells me how wonderful I am and he is extremely patient, warm and caring. I don't want to be a bitch - but sometimes I need to vent! I am so scared now - scared this divorce will drag on forever and that she'll never get out of the middle. I would love to build a relationship with his daughter but understand it may be too early now. So I'll wait. I am doing my best. Hugs. Sigh.


ash11 5 years ago

My husband ex also the same, she called my husband every day. When their son at our house she called every second. We pay a lots for her alimony and child support ( they only have 1 son) but she still asking more money every month. We pay 90% for their son medical still she asked my husband to pay half of his tutor, school field trip, etc. Loos alike all the child support we gave her is gone to her personal expenses. She is very envy person, my husband work nee to travel a lots and we always go together ( that is the only way we can spent time together without going to vacation, we can't afford for the vacation). Every time she knows my husband leaving and bring me together she jump through the roof get soo crazy using unpleasant words, calling me names in front of their son because she jealous I am leaving together with him. She told my husband that she will do everything to ensure that my husband will not bring me together every time he need to go outstation. She is very manipulative person, she manipulate my step to hates me, she makes him called my husband saying that his dad pissing him off if she cannot get something from my husband what else except money. She even makes my husband son (he got another son from previous marriage) go to jail for a long time. She didn't want my husband to have any child beside her child, she want only her son to be in the center of attention. I don't know until when I can handle her, I feel so stress and we always fight.


grace 5 years ago

hi i need help real badly...........i need tnwo how to deal with a girl that tells me shes ma boyfriends girl....the thing is ive always been right by him and never treated him badly never cheated n im just tired f seeing these girls that come around n try n snach a guy thats already mine like pls some1 help me devise and evil plan on making her pay pls


Amanda 5 years ago

WOW if I was pregnant I would think that we are the same people trapped in some mirrored universe. I can't tell you how much I sypathize with you!! There are many "moms" out there like this. They use the children as some pitty party to make themselves feel powerfull! I am not yet married but am engaged to a wonderful man that has to deal with a pyschotic bipolar B****!!!! She repeadelty trys to make out live a living hell....But then when she sees us out at this pub in town she has the balls to come up to me and hug me and tell me how we should be such good friends and take our kids on play dates together!! WHAT WHAT!! I dont understand it but I hope everythings works out for you!!!


Stressed 5 years ago

I feel very sorry for all the men out there that do the right thing by their ex's.After we went to court the other week,a court order was put in place that the house of my husband and this ex,was to be put on the market to be sold.

But we are still waiting for this to happen,she is dragging it out even her solicitor isn't pushing it.Her parents are living in the house and not paying rent, and she is living next door in their house,she stated in her paperwork that she informed my husband that they were swapping house for the sake of the kids but that was a "LIE",she moved into her parents house cause she was pregnant with her boyfriends baby and needed more room.My husband found out when he rang the kids as they where in the process of moving their stuff over.

She has done nothing but try to break us up,but she might as well give up now cause no Bikie trash sl.. will come between my husband and I.

All decent women and men need to make a stand against these manipulative and controlling so called women to show them that we will have the last laugh,the best way to do this is to live our lives to the absolute maximum and give the special person(man or woman) in your life all the love,attention,respect,and most of all joy and laughter,be each others best friend,cause the sort of people we're dealing with hate anyone to be happy and loved.

My husband and I have a wonderful relationship we are best friends and we're extremely happy.

We all tend to let the other side consume our lives at times,but as a dear friend said to me once."Look at what you have in each other the love you share,the smiles you bring to one another,the home you have made together,the plans you have for your future,look at these things and enjoy them"!

The advice to you all is! "Don't let the ex's consume your whole life, enjoy what you have, because their aim to make you both miserable.

Try it you just may be surprised.Have a great day god bless.


soo.loverly 5 years ago

I googled the topic on how to deal with my husbands ex-wife. I started reading this page and found myself in tears because it is exactly what I have been going through for the past 3-4 yrs. & well, still going through it.

The most recent event...my husband works 30-40 minutes on the other side of town. His ex-wife lives 4 blocks from where we live. My youngest step-son had left his eardrops & antibiotics at our house from sleeping over the night before.

I don't get home that night until 8pm. I'm rushing to feed my son after his basketball practice, get him showered & ready for bed. I call my oldest stepson, 12 yr. old, to let him know that his Dad is working late & let him know that his mom can pick it up before my stepson, 9 yrs. old, has to go to bed as well. So, I had already said that my husband wasn't home from work..it's now 8:30pm. She gets on the phone & said she's not picking up her "own childs medicine" that she will just have my husband bring it to her. LITERALLY THESE WERE HER WORDS.

I called my husband & explained the situation. Now, just a reminder....my husband works 30-40 MINUTES away from our house. His ex-wife lives 4 BLOCKS. My husband leaves work 9pm. and comes home, gets the medicine, and takes it 4 BLOCKS to her house.

I am at a loss for words. I'm hurt that my husband didn't support me in this.


Krissy 5 years ago

Wow, this web site really helped me feel better. My husband's ex is really not that bad after reading about worse ex's wives on this site. thanks to you all.


Gypsy 5 years ago

I have been with my husband for almost 4 years married for 2 months, I deal with a ex that tops you all, how about calling my husband on what would have been there anniversary to say happy anniversary, how about their 3 kids coming to my house with head lice (11 times in 2 year & counting) how about sending her kids to my house with ring worm (I have kids to & we have one together) how about seeing my husband bought me jewellery & telling him he had no choice but to buy the kids shoes, when he said I dont have the money she guilted him into it, saying well you can buy her jewellery & not buy for your kids...We pay her 1024 a month she is re married & has a fulltime job. How about if you dont buy my kids coats their going out with ripped old winter coats cause she refused to buy her children nessissities of life. How about making her kids call her new husband Dad & his family grandpa & grandma & so on, how about calling or texting my husband just to tell him how much of a bitch I am cause I wont surrender like she wants, (I blocked her from messaging) how about having to change you email address, block her off facebook, block her from calling my house & cell phone...She didnt get any of this from me she snooped her daughters stuff to find my info, how about calling 30 times in a night from her cell & home hitting redial on both when he wouldnt anwser her, how about telling my husband about her pre-marital problems like her new husbands family doesnt like her (REALLY LOL) how about her telling me I"m a cum waste, how about callingthe cops on her 2 times in 3 1/2 years only to be talked out of it cause my husband & I still want to see the kids, how about threating court every chance she gets, she extorts my husband blackmails him, bully's him & forces his hand into doing whatever she wants. How about telling me her kids dont like me cause of the way I treat her & involving her kids in adult conversations, this woman is a NUT JOB & I"m almost to the point where I"m packing & leaving if this shit doesnt stop, she has something called BITTER EX WIFE SYNDROME


wifey4eva 5 years ago

I guess you could say my husband and I are in the early stages of this-it's a long complicated story, but we're married for all the right reasons. He was never married but his ex is...child-like. I don't look forward to the next 18 years. I hate to think about what I would do if this situation became worse with my husbands daughter. And it breaks my heart knowing that he wants to be there, but realistically he cant because we live 12 hours away. His ex expects him to be up in Jersey every weekend-and it's just not going to happen. On top of that he's a marine. It s a pain in the butt putting in leave papers. But I'm not giving up on him or this situation. She is not going to break our pockets, she is not going to pull us apart: she is not going to win. As I was listening to the radio the other day, I heard about this book called "Boy, Drop That Child Support" by Cathy Middleton Lewis lol I'm thinking that this will help because his daughter is so young. My husband is a sponge reader-whatever he reads he learns. He's deployed right now so he's got nothin but time. Here's the link!

http://www.cathymiddleton.com/


Muffin 5 years ago

I always knew I wasnt alone in dealing with this stuff, but it helps to know for sure. I'm an ex wife as well and I like to think that I wasn't that bad. I never pushed for child support because I knew he didnt have it to give. I didnt like his Girlfriend but tried to keep my thoughts to myself because the fighting is hard on the kids. The only thing I ever pushed him for was for him to actually visit and do things with the kids. I'm now remarried my kids are 17 and almost 16 and my ex husband passed away almost 3 years ago. But he and I were friends. Now I'm dealing with my husband's ex. If her name is mentioned in the house their girls go home and tell her I said something mean about her or that I said I was better than her at something and she gets all huffy and has her current husband call my husband and threaten court and a VPO (victims protection order) against me. And now apparently if I post a msg on one of the girls FaceBook page and not the other's page then I'm leaving one of them out. I mean come on. So if I wish one happy birthday I have to leave a comment on the others page as well. She gets her child support before we pay any of our bills or rent. Plus we pay for medical vision and dental and whatever the insurance doesn't pay we cover as well. And then there is her past bills that keep coming to our house instead of hers that she expects us to pay. And my husband pays it all and does whatever she wants so that he can see his girls. And now I'm expected to do the same. I have gone out of my way to be nice but I'm tired of being walked on but if I stand up for myself and my husband she threatens to keep us from seeing the girls. I want to smack her. I know it won't do any good but I hate the way she treats my husband. He does everything he is supposed to and more and she just keeps wanting and taking more and more and more. Their girls are 8 and 13 so we have a ways to go before this is over. I just want my stress free life back. And I don't want to have to walk on eggshells every time my step daughters come for a visit.


GGGRRR 5 years ago

MY BOYFRIEND'S EX IS THE SAME WAY..ITS FUNNY HOW WE ALL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS, SHE CALLED ME AT WORK AND ASKED ME NOT TO TALK TO HER DAUGHTER EVER AGAIN!! BUT I STILL TALK TO HER CAUSE SHE IS JUST JELAOUS..AND ON HER DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY SHE WAS FUMING CAUSE I BOUGHT HER CHILD A NICE GIFT!! SO REALLY I CAN GO ON AND ON ..

SHE WILL EVEN CALL MY EX..TO TAKE KIDS DOG TO A VET OR BUY FOOD FOR THE DOG..I MEAN I DO HAVE AN EX ALSO BUT I DONT BOTHER HIM WITH HER GIRLFRIEND, I PREFER TO HAVE PEACE THAN DRAMA..OHHHHHHHHH GOSH, NOW I WANT TO ASK HER FOR THE KIDS TO COME OVER FOR DINNER ON EASTER AS SHE WONT LET THEM SLEEP OVER WHEN I AM AROUND AS SHE SAYS WE DO FORNICATION IN FRONT OF THE KIDS AND THEYA RE (16 $ 14!!) AND I AM ALREADY NEVOUS OR HOW SHE IS GOING TO REACT..


Fed up 5 years ago

Well, I have been married for 5 yrs now with my wife. we have 2 boys and they are from 2 different dads. One is 16 and the other is 8. the oldest dad passed away and the 8 yr old dad is still around. I dont have a problem if he comes to the house to pick them up but this fool comes inside my house without inviting him in and sits down. WTF! are you kidding me? my wife sayd not to do or say anything in front of the boys but this ALWAYS happens. So whos head should i chew off? This guy had no respect for me in the beginning, he followed me a couple of times in the street, left my wife NASTY messages and bad mouth my wife to her own kids. I dont know if this has anything to do with it and i am NOT a racist but he is a Filipino. I cant stand this guy. Is he still hurt? I know for a fact he still loves her and wants her because she had confessed to me that he had told her before he really loved her. I just want to live a happy and peaceful life with MY FAMILY which is not his any more and like i said, his son will always be his son and i will never take that away from him but common, respect me and my wife in our house.


You said it Sista! 5 years ago

I hate to say I am glad I am not alone... these crazy women! What is wrong with them! I have been dealing with very similar nonsence. I am too old to play these games... AND she is 12 years older than I am! She needs an "off" button.


ohwearenotalone 5 years ago

I believe you wrote this after my life. lmbo.. Not really funny because I went throught it all. Good news is she is getting married and it has relaxed SOME, but she still gets a hair up her butt from time to time and then it's like, HUH? Did you not take your meds today? lol She holds taking him back to court over his head all the time for more support, she does this to control him, it doesn't work like it use to.. Oh do I count the years till they are old enought to come live with us, two boys, they are Daddy's boys by the way. Then maybe the support and BS will be returned. NO way, I am not crazy like her. But it would be nice to.. HE HE..


Unreal 5 years ago

Read this! Me and my husband have been married for 14 years and right after his marriage to his first wife of 10 yrs we found each other. Well this lady harrassed, threated and intimidated and cause physical harm on me also slashed my vehicle tire. I called the police everytime but because we live on an indian reservation and this lady is indian we could not do much because there was no code for harrassment and i could not prove she slashed my tires......this went on for a whole year and she would call me every word in the book. They had 3 kids of this marriage and the kids were back then were ages 9, 11 and 12. Well the harassment it finally stopped after a year and we would hear from her when she need or wanted something or the kids didn't like our rules and they went back to mom....so now it is years later and i have not seen this lady except twice at a birthday party. the oldest son has two grandchildren. Well she doesn't say a word to us but she does try to small talk with my husband but he just ignores her. Now this lady has come to my work years later and got a job in the same building as me. She tries to act like she is my BFF but I know better. Her daughter is over 21 and has no job but wants to live off us. I feel she needs to go back to her moms house because her mom raised her and all the other kids to be bumms. They all live on welfare and cps has been called on the sons kids. To me why in the world would this lady come get a job at the same place i am working at....there are many other jobs out there but, now i have to see her face everyday at work and she acts nice to me in front of others but when no one is around she doesnt say a word! If she says something to me work related to work I do answer her but if it is personally I just ignore her and she walks away....How could a person knowing what they did years ago try to be my friend and want to work with me....I dont get it. Is she psycho or what? How would anyone out there handle this situation? I also informed my boss on her just incase she tries to start anything at my work.


kadie 5 years ago

stressed..

I believe you are absolutely right!!my husband ex gets ok then bad then ok..This last situation made me realize i have to stop reading the emails told my husband to block her from text messages...i think these women write and call and message nasty things about us women because they want us to walk away or cause conflict in our marriages or relationships..my stepsons tell me they love me all the time..we are trying to get pregnant and i may have to have ivf which is hard , but i am dealing with it..when i say sometimes i always wanted to have kids, the boys look at me and say you have us...makes me want to cry..so i have told the kids no negative words from their moms house, no more me looking at emails, block the texts and just live my life..she wants to take kids out of daycare and i told my husband no way..she will want us to take the kids more on our alone time..she wont let us get the kids more because of her child support so we have to leave it..he agrees and i am not trying to be bad i promise i just no what a hassle it will be..everything in the convenience of her...well just wanted everybody to know...lets make a pack to be happy ....i am going to try it, i know it will be hard but got to try...


CC Smith 5 years ago

I so get this stuff! My husbands ex wife has just started that money stuff. We are now beind sued for back child support and her 2 boys came up to me the other day saying "Mom wants to know when you baby is due so we can come to the hospital and see her". What kind of malarkey is that!


CC Smith 5 years ago

Im sure that it has something to do with her taking him back to court to raise the child support. I just hate how she uses the kids! If you have questions, cant you just ask?


cinmn 5 years ago

I probably would have posted one of the negative comments a few years ago, but fortunately things are changing. I have been married for 5 years to my husband who was previously married and has two sons from the previous marriage. We also have one daughter together. Until 4 months ago, I never had any contact with my husband's ex-wife. I thought it was best to let them handle all communications, drop-offs, etc. However, I think it simply made everything worse on all sides. My husband would never talk to her around me, yet of course had to coordinate plans at some point. He would lie about where he was picking them up because she could often talk him into doing it closer to her house (we live over an hour away), etc. SInce he only has visitation, with them visiting every other weekend, holidays had been so difficult. Anyhow, in January I actually finally reached out to her via Facebook. My stepsons had given me a thoughtful small Christmas gift, and I know she was the one who took them shopping for it of course. So I sent her a thank you message and just telling her how blessed I feel to have their sons in my life, how all of my family loves them, and how they a true joy to spend time with. She messaged me back, and we've been talking/messaging regularly ever since. We've also all hung out as "family" on two different occasions, with my husband as well. She and I have found that we have a lot in common so we really talk like old friends or family who simply want the best for the children who are in our lives. It's made everything better for all involved. I'm really looking forward to more holidays because it'll will be so much easier! I think she and I both had to mature individually before even knowing how to handle a situation like this. You have to really let go of the emotions. I simply can't focus on the inequities involved, such as her family being rich, giving her a house, kids go to private school etc. and I can't even put my daughter in a school or dance class or get haircuts, new clothes, etc. That stuff used to drive me nuts! She's actually not a bad person at all, not any worse than I am. In fact, I really like her. We all know life isn't fair but it's definitely way too short to dwell on that. I'm just going to make the best I can of our situation and role-model for our children.


Dean 5 years ago

It really is tragic how many divorced parents damage their kids with this infantile behavior. It was sickening to hear my ex-wifes banter come out of my kids mouths. I want to believe that taking the high-road is truly the best way. But I feel that my kids are gone forever. I haven't seen either of them in well over a year, and all their contact is exclusive to requesting money. The youngest one just told me his got accepted to a $300 K private school and alerted me of the tuition deadline. I want to believe that they will indeed, figure out things for themselves, but I am losing hope. Now my only condolence is knowing that I am and have always done my best for my kids, and what they do with their lives is their choice as is the consequences of that choice.


That Fired ME UP!!!! 5 years ago

Girl, I was reading this thinking "Holy crap I would have freakin freaked out and called child services on her!!!!!! Isn't it always like that though, unfortunatly no loner can adults keep their composer and just learn to get along. I am divorced and my ex and I of course have disagreements but hence divorce we don't get along, however at the end of every fight it is always said ok "I hate you, you hate me, but our kids deserve us to try and get along". Now I'm not saying I hate anyone but geez what a pain in the butt he is sometimes. My boyfriend however does have an ex wife that is banana sandwich....she is one of those materialistic, fake blonde, everything has to be her way or no way kinda gals.....yes she is an absolute blessing (kidding). Anyhow I just back up as best as I know how and stay the hell out of their business. Does it frustrate me to watch the madness unfold, well sure, however there is two sides to every story, I just think her side has become edited over and over and over again.


FED UP 5 years ago

Wow like many other post I thought it was just me. I have been in a relationship with my husband for 3 years and 4 months and we have been married for 6 months. My husband and ex-wife share a 9 year old son. But get this the 9 year old lives with me and his dad. So you think it wouldnt be so bad. NOT>>> She is constantly calling and texting when her son is in school so that gets on my last nerves. I know she knows what she is doing but my husband who tries to keep the peace with her and with me tries to play naive. He lies about what she wants when she calls him wanting him to either bring her son to her on the weekends when she clearly suppose to pick him up. Its always something wrong with her car from not having gas to brakes are bad. She constantly calling needing any type of help. She has had two other children since we have been together. So you would wonder why she doesnt bug the other kids dad. I am so tired that I am seriously thinking about leaving and getting a divorce. Mainly cause he is not standing up to her. He claims her tell her to not call all the time. But since he has lied before I dont really trust him anymore. There is so much more but I would be here all night writing. I am now trying to decide it all this is worth it.


EMERGENCY 5 years ago

UNUSUAL CIRCUMSTANCE: Last month, I saw a pic on a soc network page of my husband's ex girlfriend. A kid the age of the kid they WOULD have had together was there, looking much like my husband. She had told him THEN, that she had an abortion. He tried to talk her out of it, and she persisted in staying away from him. He inquired about her, and it was well known that she was using heavy drugs and spending time in nasty hotels with men, etc. He assumed, as did all, that she HAD the abortion. She had been set on it from day one. Low and behold, she gave the drug addicted and malnourished baby to a relative, and the kid has known about most of this for half (kid's) life. Upon confronting the woman, she admitted it readily to my husband, which we thought was ODD. You wouldn't expect someone who could do that to ADMIT it right away...

Since then, we have been speaking with and seeing the kid regularly, without problem. Supporting the kid financially, and taking things at a comfortable pace, after all- it's only been a few weeks for us and OUR kids! Everyone in this family is so nice that it has been a wonderful experience. The relative that took the kid assured me over and over that the birth mother has NEVER had anything to do with the kid, including visiting and holiday presents, the birth mother showed zero interest. Even after the kid was told who she really was. Zero interest.

Enter my husband and I, this woman is at every pick up and drop off, and event! I am now told by the relative that she is jealous of us, and wants to be part of the kid's life all of a sudden.

Our side of the family/friends keep telling me that I should be suspicious of the entire family's sincerity, because this woman is after my husband. She had two failed marriages, and another kid she does NOT take care of either.

I don't want to infect my marriage with un-necessary worries and insecurities, because my husband couldn't live without me for a day, and loves me relentlessly. He spoils me and lives to make me happy every day, we've been together 8 years. It was me who convinced him that we can handle this with quiet dignity. He was quite upset in the beginning...but we are going forward with open hearts and arms for all, until we are given an absolute reason not to.

This woman has already given my husband the impression that she still has feelings for him...which disgusted him more considering her abandonment and neglect of their child.

My dilemma is this-we live on the border of two states, my husband is buying me a house with quite a bit of land, and I am considering putting a house there for his new "kid", and the relative who cares for the kid. That way, the kid gets a better education, and lives in a better area than now. Preliminary discussions between the relative and myself leave me believing this to be a good arrangement for all the kids involved.

DO I BAN THE BIO MOM OR NOT?! Am I being a petty bitch and risking my step-kid's development by excluding her with an obvious and outright ban-especially as we will be in another state...or should I wait until I have a reason to do so? Either one of these could have consequences if I am acting unjustly... Advice please?!


YL 5 years ago

Ok so i am basically dealing with the same bull*%$! but my boyfriend and i arent married. His ex wife is an obnoxious coniving B*%$#! thats 30 years old( hit on my bf when he was 17 and she was 25, my boyfriends 22 now and im 19) and still thinks shes 18. she has a 2 year old son now and needs to start acting like a mother. she drops the son off as soonest possible when the regular time to drop him off is 9. its like, are u seriously trying to act like a horrible mother???? on top of that, shes cool with my bfs mom, which makes matters worse. shes always over!!!! and flaunting her new louis vuitton purses and the nicki minaj ticket stub from the night before and etc!!! I wanna smack her up side her god damn head! ive been trying so soo hard to have that poker face when im around her but i swear i cant control my rolling of the eyes sometimes. Shes hurt too. UGHHHH. these girls get on my lastttt nervesssssssssss. i still wonder how he managed to go through those painful excruciating 4 years with her. he claims shes one of the most unbearable human beings out there on this planet. I just want justice! hope she loses all her gambling money and finally starts acting like a real mother for once in her dam life.


ecirtaeb 5 years ago

Very helpful this topic! Scary but more than intersting... I am a future second wife :-) Didn't meet the ex till now but it's not far this day. "Hate the Ex" has an advice: never marry a man with EX and children (and she is not the only one)... but when we are talking about love ??? I live a very special romance with my future husband! We were in love when we were teenagers, then he decided to move to USA (I still live in Europe) and after a few years we stoped hear of each other. But last year he have found me and I was wery happy, he came to visit me and the flame was the same, he brought me the scarf I have gaved him 25 years ago... I can't say how happy I am, I have always wanted him, is so natural, so comfortable and of course he is very happy, too. But he has an Ex and four children, he was married for 15 years and of course she is exactly as the other Bxxxx. I have only one question: which is the best way to avoid those problems with his EX ? He is a loving father, but she want to make his life miserable, even if he left her 85% from everything, almost everything and they have had a lot together. She don't want to let him to involve in his childs life, not even see them. What can we do for those innocent childs ??? How will be our life ? We love each other, my son adores him. What is better for the childs: we take into consideration to move far away from the place she lives in but in the same time we don't want to lose the contact with his childs... Any suggestion ??? Many thanks and may God be with all of us!

Congratulations Nikki, you have had a great idea with this topic ! In my country doesn't exists EX's like these... Once your divorced is finito ! Separate ways and just good things for kids... So simple. Here seems that the EX still lives only to harm the others, especialy the EX husbands and second wifes, and that's simply insane... Thanks!


TooMuch 5 years ago

Wow...there is more of you suffering from witches like these. I have the same issue with my husband's x-wife. She has a princess attitude and has him running around after she manipulates him with his kids. Incredible!


help 5 years ago

I have been going thru the same drama. My husband and I have been together for 4 and 1/2 years and married for 8mths. He has two kids by his ex-baby mama whom he never married. At first he and I started out as friends, he needed a second job because she was pregnant with the first baby, keep in mind that I knew her but she didn't know me. I hired him at the restaurant I managed, the baby was born and she and him would bring the baby up to the job and that's when she and I met. He and I got together after their break-up because I told him I would never talk to him if he was in a relationship because I wouldn't want to break up a happy home. She confirmed that they were no longer together so he and I started dating like 2 mths after the beak-up and we got serious with each other, well she found out, threatend to never let him see his daughter and she had him by the ropes and little did I know he was going back and forth with the both of us and baby two came up, that;s when i broke it off, we seperated for 3 mths and we got back together then she tried to pull the same stunt as with the daughter but this time he hired a lawyer and went to juvenile court and he now has visitation thru the courts and we have this place we go to where shwe brings the kids and the counselor brings them to us and she is now mad because she can't manipulate him anymore. You would think that she would stop but the kids are now 4 and 3 and still the drama continues. She has hacked my social network page, hacked my email page, she keaves voice messages and text messages on MY phone and I have had to put a restraining order against her, is she ever going to stop?


Can't Take It Anymore 5 years ago

It's good to read that I'm not the only one that deals with a "Baby Mama". It seems that my husband always sticks up for her. She has made my life with him miserable. I've been married to him for three years and have put up with her crap for that long. She just recently served him with papers and dragged him into court for the 4th time. Unfortunately he made a big mistake in getting her pregnant. He's an old man with a ten year old kid. I think these woman get pregnant as a means of control over the man. I thought that this was going to be easy and that she was a "nice" person. She has called on and off for the last three years with sobbing stories of how she doesn't have money for gas, etc. She has told him that if she needs help in anyway, he was coming to her aid. She told him that he was a bad father and on and on. She sends her kid here with her hair in mats and her clothes dirty, stained, two sizes to small and not ironed. She has sent her here sick and I've gotten sick. She has sent her here with fleas and I've gotten bit from head to toe. She has refused to take her cats to the vet and get them spayed resulting in cats having cats. I just saw her in the store and she wouldn't even look me in the eye. Now I've got my husband calling me delusional because he claims she doesn't do these things. I've called her names and he said that I needed to stop. That I need to pray for her. It was my fault for not seeing all the red flags before I said "I Do". When I met him he had the keys to her apartment and she would call him and he'd go running all in the name of his daughter. On our wedding night, his daughter (then 6 years old) slept in my bed while I slept on the couch. I went through breast cancer and when the doctor wanted to talk to me about the cancer spreading, she called saying that her check was bouncing and the electricity was going to be shut off. He went and took care of her first because heavens forbid his daughter didn't have lights and I had to drive myself to the doctors. He came in later...big deal! He says that I need to see a psychiatrist. I probably do because I feel VERY USED. So now I'm crying and upset because I've been told that I'm not allowed to address issues with the baby mama about the childs clothes and hair while she is with him. I also was told that I wasn't allowed to go to court with him. My only advise to all of you wonderful ladies out there is to really think, ask questions and don't let your emotions get in the way of making wise choices for yourselves. In the end you'll save yourself from a lot of heartache. The other woman is never out to make your life nice. It's even harder when they don't move on and all they want to do is stick in financially to your husband so that your left with nothing. The courts are really unfair in this. It takes two to make one and if one doesn't want it, why does that person have to be forced into anything?


Ajbabee 5 years ago

Wow there a lot of baby mama drama horror stories!!! I have one of my own. My husband and I have been married for 3 years and together for 4. I have been dealing with this chick ever since as well. They have 2 children together 6 and 4. She has been from shelter to shelter with those kids in different states. Til one day she said she needed help with taking care of the kids. So she just dropped the oldest one with us which was 2 then and never came back for him. So my husband and I raised him since. He knows me as his mom pretty much!!! She barely called or even and him anything. Long story short, my husband and I got stationed in Alaska. Well tell me why after four years this crazy chick moved here to try and fight for custody of the one we raised all this time. Mind you all this time she had raised the youngest and we couldn't see him because she was no where to be found nor did she want us to know. So we been in court since December of last year. She has lied in court about both my husband and I trying to make herself look like the victim. She always makes about me or my husband but mainly about me instead of the children. Anyway, in April this dumb hog wanted to go out drinking got herself arrested for DUI and child neglect. She left her youngest child in the house alone while she went out. What a dummy!!!!! So CPS took the baby for about a week and placed him in our home. So now we have both of them!!!! Lol. This chick came all the way out here only to get in trouble and loose the one child she did have. But that don't surprise me about her because it what she does. She can't do good for too long without messing things up for herself!!! Then has the nerve to blame me, my husband and everybody else for her life being all screwed up!!!!


Christin 5 years ago

My husband's ex (we are married for 1 year now) is the same way. She's suffering from paranoid schizophrenia. She would call him every 2 day to tell him that agents are following her around.

It drives me crazy!!! But the problem here is my husband actually. Because he always takes her calls - even at 2 AM!!


wishing for a traditional home! 5 years ago

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years, he has two kids with his ex 13 & 14, I have 1 who's 11. We all have shared custody 50/50, Same schedule and there's no alimony or child support. It definately isn't easy! His ex always seems to have an excuse to call him for help...My boyfriend is very knowledgable and she calls him for everything. Pipes busted in her house, she calls, her vehicle got stolen, she calls, furnace isn't working, she calls! GGRRR! And he tends to all her needs and schedules! She doesn't check with us if it's ok the kids come by, they just walk on home without asking. She drops them off for sleepovers during her week because she's got some remodeling to do! Well guess what, remodeling can be done when it's our week with the kids! My bf never says anything to her, it's like she's controlling our schedule and life! I love my week without the kids, it gives my bf and I private time and also this is the week I get to relax because it's pretty hectic the week we have the kids! And we also have some remodeling to do and we are in the process of moving into our home. You would think she'd have the decency to ask first! Sometimes I think his ex doesn't think! Of course if I say anything he defends her....I am hoping to learn to have patience in regards to all this because my boyfriend means the world to me but one can take only so much....


Reba 5 years ago

My daughter and her soon to be x-husband will not let her see her own children, finally we went to court and she gets them every other week at 6pm for now. the x husband cheated on her right in the own bed, and my granchild heard them she hates her father now she is 11 and wants to come live with mom and the youngest does not understand what is going on yet he is 7 they have been married for 11 years. The children do not want to go back to there Father house because the girlfriend cuzs at them all the time that is all her children do is cus and they do nothing about it. The girlfriend does not watch her own children and does not care about my grandchildren either it comes down to the money father does not want to pay child support and wants to clam them on income tax. Please pray for us my daughter is going to get her children we go back to court on june 28 at 230 pm.


susan 5 years ago

Its not easy being the ex either. My partner is a bully who cheated and got mad when he got caught. I have 2 children I'm raising basically on my own now. He doesn't spend much time with his children anymore because he has his new girlfriend. He doesn't care. I'm on my own with my kids because my ex husband is immature and selfish.


jackie_wisniewski profile image

jackie_wisniewski 5 years ago from PETALUMA, CA

I like reading your story. You are tough woman, Nikki. I've been married for 10months. Everything is great except for the EX issues with regards to child custody. I am stepmother of 2kids ages 7 and 5years old and they are both great kids. WHY is EX is always pain in the ass? They should be thankful to all stepmoms that we take good care of there kids, we share our love to them even we are not the real mother and nurture them. Most exes I know are mostly selfish, self centered, its all about them. In my situation right now, the ex is also drama queen, liar, and self-centered. We are seeing the kids every other weekend which the ex break the custody agreement in the first place. We are trying to coordinate the summer schedule and the school year schedule for this year but all we get is her thoughts and option. No consideration with my husband's thoughts and options which is so inconsiderate.

Recently, we found out the the ex has been snooping on my husband's email for 3years before and after there marriage been dissolved. That's a psycho act which is unacceptable. The ex sent my husband a sorry card which she reveal and accepted her wrong doings. Now, that we are getting unfair treatment regarding the child schedules and all that inconsiderations. In fact, we just want to have the kids every weekend but the ex doesn't consider that all. So, my husband decided to press charges against the ex breaking the California Penal Code 502 which is felony and fines for $5000 and imprisonment for a year. Hopefully, this will give the ex a lesson for being greedy, inconsiderate with what we are asking.

TO ALL STEPMOMS OUT THERE, I SALUTE OUR STRENGTH!!! I AM PROUD TO BE STEPMOM :)


Claire 5 years ago

I am a second wife and in spite of everything I had done, I feel that things are not fair. When things are not good between my husband's kids and their mom, my husband and I gets dragged. Sadly, although I have nothing to do about it, at times, things are being dumped onto my shoulders. I tried to help the kids to have a nurturing relationship with their mom. It seems though that the problem is emanating from their mom. Her name-calling and swearing at the kids has to stop. I mean, we can get upset at our kids and make it know to them what they had done wrong, we can always scold them without putting them down. How they are being treated by their mother affects their relationship with me, and my relationship with my husband. We would be on the road, the car is flying because the kids were screaming over the phone and my husband would jump in the car and get to them as fast as he could, only to realize that the kids and their mom were just having disagreements over something. It happened many times from the time that we were not married until now. Wherever we are going, he will turn the car around.

Do the kids and my husband have a good relationship? Well, probably better than what they have with their mother. At least, they don't call their mom 10 times a day to complain about their dad when they are with us. I don't find however, that they have enough respect for their dad. When they don't get their way, they fight with him. It gets ugly though esp that his older daughter uses words I only heard from her and I had never spoken. The 2 kids can't stay in one room without getting into a fight either. I can't think of a day that we had them and that it went smoothly. I would say, they treat me better than they treat their own parents. I don't fall for their games and I made it know to them, including his ex.

As for my relationship with my husband, we are ok for the most part. We are not financially stable, he lost all his assets from the divorce, including his house. He was trying to get back on his feet a year before we got married, but few months after we got married, he lost his job, then lost his house. We stayed in a rental house which until today, we still are renting. I was working then and receiving a wage just above the minimum and so, to make both ends meet, I took 2 shifts. After almost a year, he got another job. Money is always something that is not enough for us especially that he still overspends. I remind him about things that had to be done so we don't get charge so much. 5 times is not enough to remind until he will close the door to my face and I will start to raise my voice. He likes to be surrounded by his kids, but when he gets into a fight with them, he leaves them to be taken cared of by me. They are high maintenance and are too much to handle for most of the time. I had always said that if everyone will just pick up after herself/himself, it will be of great help. But all 3 of them leaves their stuff and I get to clean up, and I have to cook, do their beds and keep the house in order. I feel that sometimes, I am burned out. When my husband is away for a business trip, and I would ask for a weekend that they won't be dropped off, he gets upset. One time, he had said, "I will look for someone else as a mother figure for them." There are days that I was left wandering, "What did I marry into?" I don't feel happy sometimes and doesn't look forward to going home after work no matter how physically tired I am. I feel that I am being taken for granted and that this is not the life that I deserve. Shall I work on this marriage? Any advice is appreciated!


Advice for "ecirtaeb" 5 years ago

It is my first marriage as well and as for my husband, second. He had paid her enough money so he doesn't have to pay for alimony. So much that she was able to purchase a house without borrowing money from the bank. My husband and I make sure that the kids' needs are given when they are with us. There had been so much sitting-down for the three of us even to better-up on things. The kids had come a long way with their relationship with me. I am trying to help the kids, my husband, and her ex, have a nurturing relationship. Call it a dysfunctional, functional family. Mind you, as a second wife, I had done far and beyond anyone's expectation, even I can't believe I would have such patience. My husband and I are not financially stable at the moment. He had lost almost everything after the divorce. Why did I marry him? Call it "Love". We were friends before we got married. We dated for 4 years. Made sure the kids were on board for our decision to get married.

The question is, are we happy? Well, my husband says that he is. He says I am so different from his ex in a very good way. If you are to ask me if I am happy, right now, I honestly don't know. There are times when I would wish that I have a traditional family. I wished that I we have more freedom in making decisions. We can't really leave town or go to a vacation with the kids, for instance, without asking for his ex's permission, much more getting into a battle with her (one time, she lawyered up) because she thinks the kids are not going back to her. She seem to have this behaviour of saying something to her kids, just stir up the pot. I don't understand! If I know that it could mess-up the kids' minds, why will I utter such? Then when the kids get mad at her, they would ask us to go and get them, regardless as to what time it is. We get dragged into her household problem.

Well, this is the kind of thing that you are signing-up for. I didn't listen to my friends then who I know cares so much for me. All I saw was a boyfriend who is very caring of me and his kids, who had a not so good life with his ex, and that my boyfriend deserves a second chance to be happy. But then, I seemed to have forgotten to ask myself if this is the kind of life that I wanted? I know I am a strong person. But I find that this is not enough!

You mentioned that he has 4 kids? Well, that means, more money to get out of your pocket as well for the child support. Child support doesn't end with your husband giving money to his ex to share for kids' basic and extra-curricular needs. If the kids are with you, you can't help but to spend money for them. They are growing-up and the fact of the matter is, their needs are expanding as well. Mind you, we don't go back to his ex to ask for a refund of what we had spent for buying clothes or shoes for the kids when my husband and I decide to take them shopping. But listen to this, she does! When we don't give what she is asking for, she takes it out on the kids and the kids come back to us angry because we didn't give their mom money that we are suppose to owe her. They even go beyond saying that we don't really give them anything anyway. We send money to their mom without telling them but she tells them about money she thinks her ex owes her to her kids.

Some say, draw a line. Well, I am. I don't put up with head games. But I find that when I put my foot down, when the kids are involve, my husband and I get into disagreements. Your role is so broad and confusing. They say, play the role of an aunt. But then again, your husband and somehow if the kids are upset with their mom, both your husband and his kids would expect you to play the role of a mother-figure to them. If the kids don't like the way you are running the household, they are going to resist and may made you to feel as an outsider, even though you had done a lot of good things for them. I know this for sure, because I am in this situation. Their mom is around, therefore, when things don't go with the way they expect it to, you are the enemy.

My husband and I agreed to showing a united front to the kids. However, there are times when my husband and I argue because he gets carried away emotionally, "he feels bad for the kid/s" even though it is for kids' own good in the long run.

When you enter this relationship, especially if you live close to the ex and kids, forget about most of your needs and wants. Your life is going to revolve around everyone else, very little of which to yourself.

The decision is up to you!


Dealingwithloserex 5 years ago

I have similar issues. I had it out with the trashy ex wife while I was in the hospital after giving birth to my child. Few days later she calls the cops and let's her kids see her stupid ghetto ways.

She doesn't want her kids, gave them up to my husband yet has the nerve to get upset when I expect her to take some responsibility. Oh and she pays no child support. It's sad to see so many of us dealing with it. But I do feel that the men need to step in and put the ex wife in her place. It's important that the ex knows that she is no longer and never will be a priority in his life. I think the ex wives who screwed up feel jealous to see their lives stuck in a rut while their ex husbands have moved on to much better things.


JoJoBo 5 years ago

I'll start of with a funny story simply because humor is my best defense. She called my fiance' drunk one night. She ranted and raved about this, that and the other thing. Eventually she got to why she called. It was to disparage me. She screamed obscenities to him about me and he then said he needed to hang up. Her parting shot was "fine, go sleep with fat ass girlfriend". When he hung up the phone, I said "honey, I don't have a fat ass. It is just round." Well, I thought he was going to fall down laughing:-)

Information and understanding the family law system plays a critical roll in dealing with psycho, broomstick ex-wives. I have had one of those in my life now for almost 7 years. Lucky me!

The PAS all started in 2006. My fiance' and I own a home-based business together. The business was growing and we needed a bigger place. Due to his ex ruining his credit (we got it straightened out in 2008) he could not get a mortgage. So, I bought the house in 2006 and also bought the $100,000 piece of equipment we needed in order to take our business to the next level, also in 2006. So, I own both!

Well, needless to say, she tried sueing him twice that year for "alleged child arrears" and then again for a modification of additional child support. Guess what, she lost both. Oh, she also tried to sue me in 2005. It never went anywhere because I simply did not respond to her attorney's demand for my financial statements and 3 years of tax filings. Remember, I'm not his wife. I'm his business partner and girlfriend.

So, in October of 2006, after having her *ss handed to her in court, she told the oldest daughter "that house should be mine!" She still to this day thinks he bought the house. To bad.

For the past 4+ years she has been very diligent in turning is very bright and intelligent daughters against him. It has worked, to larger extent, but not quite. See, unconditional love always wins. Even if you don't think so at the time. Those girls are deeply conflicted and psychologically damaged. All I can say is "of course they are". That's what happens when a fit and loving parent is removed from a child's life.

Fast forward to today..... The ex married a man that almost killed a family of 4 during a drunk driving violation in 1998. He has proceeded to add 3 more DWI's since then and an open bottle. Not to mention all the DAR's and driving with no insurance. This is all public record that I got from two court houses. As of today she has 6 judgements against her totaling $15,000 (her last judgement is for the attorney she got to sue my fiance' for more child support!) and her drunk of a husband has a $17,500 judgement against him and a foreclosure in 2008 (he was drinking himself to death with the child support money!). The girls eventually told us he was in the basement drinking all day and night and started turning yellow. It's so sad they had to experience this:-(

So, in theory, the ex's new husband got sober in 2009 (he was in ICU in October of 2009 with a BAC (blood alcohol content) of .46.

Well, now the ex, her husband and the children are planing and scheming a move to Florida (they have a place and have paid first and last months rent) without my fiance's consent or the courts consent. So, for the first time, my fiance' grew a set (of balls that is!) and hired an attorney to stop her. He's done with her and her narcissistic and selfish ways. Finally!! The move to Florida is supposed to be July 1, 2011 (this is according to the children). She is being served a restraining order today or tomorrow saying she cannot do this without a hearing. The attorney is setting the hearing for July 5th. However, there is a threat of a state government shutdown here (Minnesota) on July 1st. So, if that happens, the hearing will not take place for some time. More than likely the judge at this hearing will call for an evidentiary hearing. If that happens, the ex, the drunk of a husband and his daughters (13 and 15) will be depositioned. Let the war begin! Two young girls futures are at stake.

So, we will just have to see what God has in store. My motto, always follow your hearts desires and the rest will follow. In other words, be true to yourself. This has always worked well for me.

Good luck to each and every one of you. I understand.......


BoJoJo44 5 years ago

I'll start of with a funny story simply because humor is my best defense. She called my fiance' drunk one night. She ranted and raved about this, that and the other thing. Eventually she got to why she called. It was to disparage me. She screamed obscenities to him about me and he then said he needed to hang up. Her parting shot was "fine, go sleep with fat ass girlfriend". When he hung up the phone, I said "honey, I don't have a fat ass. It is just round." Well, I thought he was going to fall down laughing:-)

Information and understanding the family law system plays a critical roll in dealing with psycho, broomstick ex-wives. I have had one of those in my life now for almost 7 years. Lucky me!

The PAS all started in 2006. My fiance' and I own a home-based business together. The business was growing and we needed a bigger place. Due to his ex ruining his credit (we got it straightened out in 2008) he could not get a mortgage. So, I bought the house in 2006 and also bought the $100,000 piece of equipment we needed in order to take our business to the next level, also in 2006. So, I own both!

Well, needless to say, she tried sueing him twice that year for "alleged child arrears" and then again for a modification of additional child support. Guess what, she lost both. Oh, she also tried to sue me in 2005. It never went anywhere because I simply did not respond to her attorney's demand for my financial statements and 3 years of tax filings. Remember, I'm not his wife. I'm his business partner and girlfriend.

So, in October of 2006, after having her *ss handed to her in court, she told the oldest daughter "that house should be mine!" She still to this day thinks he bought the house. To bad.

For the past 4+ years she has been very diligent in turning is very bright and intelligent daughters against him. It has worked, to larger extent, but not quite. See, unconditional love always wins. Even if you don't think so at the time. Those girls are deeply conflicted and psychologically damaged. All I can say is "of course they are". That's what happens when a fit and loving parent is removed from a child's life.

Fast forward to today..... The ex married a man that almost killed a family of 4 during a drunk driving violation in 1998. He has proceeded to add 3 more DWI's since then and an open bottle. Not to mention all the DAR's and driving with no insurance. This is all public record that I got from two court houses. As of today she has 6 judgements against her totaling $15,000 (her last judgement is for the attorney she got to sue my fiance' for more child support!) and her drunk of a husband has a $17,500 judgement against him and a foreclosure in 2008 (he was drinking himself to death with the child support money!). The girls eventually told us he was in the basement drinking all day and night and started turning yellow. It's so sad they had to experience this:-(

So, in theory, the ex's new husband got sober in 2009 (he was in ICU in October of 2009 with a BAC (blood alcohol content) of .46.

Well, now the ex, her husband and the children are planing and scheming a move to Florida (they have a place and have paid first and last months rent) without my fiance's consent or the courts consent. So, for the first time, my fiance' grew a set (of balls that is!) and hired an attorney to stop her. He's done with her and her narcissistic and selfish ways. Finally!! The move to Florida is supposed to be July 1, 2011 (this is according to the children). She is being served a restraining order today or tomorrow saying she cannot do this without a hearing. The attorney is setting the hearing for July 5th. However, there is a threat of a state government shutdown here (Minnesota) on July 1st. So, if that happens, the hearing will not take place for some time. More than likely the judge at this hearing will call for an evidentiary hearing. If that happens, the ex, the drunk of a husband and his daughters (13 and 15) will be depositioned. Let the war begin! Two young girls futures are at stake.

So, we will just have to see what God has in store. My motto, always follow your hearts desires and the rest will follow. In other words, be true to yourself. This has always worked well for me.

Good luck to each and every one of you. I understand.......


Yolan 5 years ago

OMG!!! My husband's ex girlfriend is the same way except I never thought of her having PAS but Narcissistic Disorder. She is so controlling, pathological liar,always in denial,always blame my husband and me for all the drama leading up to her taking him to court recently for more money poisining his head that he ignorerd his responsiblity as a father to their child ever since 'I' got in the picture and that I encouraged his failure to take care of his responsibilites. She tottaly ignored the fact that he was taking care of their child since her birth even after they broke up and that the only time he started slacking up was when he lost his job and couldn't get another one. She wanted him to leave our home and be her babysitter to their child since he wasn't working even though they live in different states. She has been our worst nightmare with her exaggerated claims and her devaluation of my husband's credibility as a dad. She needs to be stopped and we don't know how because she tells so much lies and the child support system gives her power to reign terror on us. She got sole custody in court because she lied and said that my husband is hard to contact in case of emergencies when she's the one who cause him to be that way cause she's always harrassing us.


longer breath 5 years ago

This is crazyness and insanity all at once! I have had to deal with a greedy bipolar miserable ex wife for five years now. My husband has a daughter with her who will turn 18 in two years (Yay!), but I knew her since she was 9 years old and got totally brainwashed over my husband and me. I was still living in another country by then, but everytime i visited, the child turned on all evil there was inside her, planted by her jealous mother. She was so hateful and agressive towards him and me. I tried not to get bothered by her too much, but I saw clearly that the ex b..ch had strong influence on my then boyfriend, i thought that's CRAZY! She played with his feelings and guilt for having left the child (and her alltogether). I was so shocked when I learned that even after their divorce he still had her on her account to take care of finances while he was stationed abroad! (I changed that one quickly!) She was very nice and friendly to me while we were dating, but she just wanted to show what kind of a 'good wife' he had. I saw the trouble on the horizon and I was thiking hard if that man was worth all the upcoming wars. I told him that I will probably never have a good relationship with his daughter in case I would move in with him and getting married. He seemed to be o.k. with that. So I went on. And as with all the cases before, the ex turned into a monster! She tried everything to disturb, to be the center of attention. I am a very patient person and try to be reasonable. It takes a lot to get me fired up. So I was setting back and watching. When I learned how much men in the US have to pay for child support I nearly fainted. 900 USD for a 8 year old child? That's almost as much as I made back home for myself and lived from it. How can a 8 year old child possible need 900 USD/mo??? On top of that she got some out of his military check. She almost didn't have to work. Of course she was using it to pay for the house and an expensive lifestyle. She made her mother her live-in nanny and even treats her disrespectful to the maximum, that even her own mother was crying about her daughter to my husband and me! I had to deal with phone calls from her telling me what kind of a horrible man I just have married. I listened to her nicely, smiled to myself and reacted very calmly to her. I just ended the conversation in a very well mannered sophisticated way, which must have pissed her off even more not being able to get to me. :) She then tried to file for more money in court (EVEN MORE? haha). When my husband told me that, my first reaction was I laughed out loud! I thought: Nice try! No court on this planet will ever give that greedy broke Psycho more money! My husband was concerned though and thought he could fight it off himself. 'No way!' I said. I went online and found the best family layer in town to shut that ex off forever. It was a male layer, and he was brilliant. My husband was excited and thankful for me finding that guy forever! He nicely fought that crazy nasty B..ch off and let her look stupid. At the same time it taught her a lesson not to mess with us ever again! She lost 1500 USD to her loser layer. lmao! The best thing that we could have ever done was to move across the continent! Wow! How peaceful! After she nicely opened my husbands eyes herself by being such a greedy horrible troublesome ex, I had no hard time convincing him to having just the most necessary contact with her about the daughter. Everytime she threatens not to let her come out here, he threatenens her not to pay any CS anymore. It's the only language she understands. Once I got into a real messaging war with her. Everythime she tried to throw new crap at my head, it gave me just another opportunity to open fire at her and FINALLY had the chance to give her a piece of MY mind after all those years of swallowing her BS and keeping still! She already started to think i am insecure or weak just for letting her slide off my shoulder all the time! How wrong she was! Wow that felt so good!!! She gained no ground and looked even more dumb afterwards! haha. She still tries to show she plays a role as by demanding extra roles before sending her child across the country to see her father, but we always refuse her requests, which makes her wild! Now she tried the other way again by being extra slimy to my husband, but I am always one step ahead and open my husbands eveys about her manipulative ways. Thank god my husband is so smart and loves me dearly. I never hold back with my opinion and if he wouldn't be so understanding to my situation, I wouldn't hesitate to think things over. I just count down the days until his daughters 18th b-day. Fortunately she already recognizes herself that her mother is mental and even gets anoyed by her herself. One person can just take so much negativity and badmouthing! This time when she comes over I will try to be her friend and come out from the background where I was hiding from those two brads for way too long. I stand my ground and set the rules. I am the one to set the roules at least in my little world. In the end I would recommend to any lady who wants to tie the knot with someone who has a child and an evil ex in the backpack to watch closely how blindly he is towards her and how much he can stand his ground. In any doubt I would say: Don't do this to yourself unless the man is REALLY worth it! The law in the country I came from just changed and I wished all men here would write letters to the W.H. to stop this insane payments to the exe's. In my homecountry the ex husband would not have to pay to ex-spouse support when the ex has a job, cause this will take a way life quality for the new wife who would have to be underevaluated and the chance would have been taken ayaw from the new family to start a new life. The amount that have to be paid to the exe's over here are just rediculous!!! Some may be tempted to make this their career path. That's so sad. Let's stand together our ground against those shadows from the past!


Stephanie Symes 5 years ago

HI, I am new here and at risk of sounding like a broken record I too am glad to know that I am not alone. My situation is not exactly the same as the rest of you but definitely similar. I met my husband after he had left his wife since she refused to give up her boyfriend. After we started dating and I found out I was pregnant, we moved in together to allow his children to get used to me before I brought their baby brother into the world. Any ways, his ex was always very hot and cold with me as well. And she still constantly calls him to talk when she needs a friend. The children have been moved back and forth between our houses every year just about until this last time when I put my foot down and made it stop, of course it was after we got them back because she couldn't afford to keep them and her job had her working such odd hours she was unable to be there for them. It wasn't good for the children. From day one, I have been expected to keep the piece so as not to make things harder on my husband and the kids. She is one of those people that will take offense to anything that she possibly can, which constantly starts fights. And when I try to talk to my husband about her he jumps to her defense! Shortly after I moved in with him about 3 years ago, she stopped paying her mortgage and didn't tell us. Actually I had convinced him to stop paying her mortgage since we had 2 of the 3 of his kids (there was debate on weather her boyfriend was the father) So, she never really started paying it after that and didn't tell us. We found out when we were looking at buying a house down the street from her, so as to keep the children close to both of their parents and make it so I didn't really have to deal with her as I was pregnant and could not tolerate her BS as well. We were declined. We were confused because we had employed a credit repair company about 4 months prior so that we could get a house. OUr credit wasn't too bad but had mysteriously been falling. We checked the credit report and discovered that our credit was suffering because she was not paying on the mortgage for the house he bought her, and left for her to live in. We finally managed to rent a new house that was bigger for the kids about 5 months after I had my son. We lived there for most of a year and were making ends meet. I wanted desperately to marry him ( I am from a southern family, and constantly heard crap since he wasn't even divorced from her) So, a year and a half ago they finally got the divorce and we planned our wedding date for May. The child support came and we could no longer afford the rent on our house because she was getting half of his paycheck even though we had split custody and the courts ordered us to have the kids 50% of the time and pay FULL child support! And she was still asking for money half of the time and the kids were still going to school in falling apart shoes and clothes. When we had them we had enrolled them in Tae Kwon Do, We told her that the child support meant that she needed to pay for it, so she stopped taking them. So she still wasn't taking proper care of them and we were forced to move, we had no place to go so we had to move into my fathers basement until we could find a place, we knew it would be hard as we had to break our lease to move. So, here we were virtually homeless, our credit was crap, and we couldn't get out of it, and we couldn't even keep the kids because we had no place for them. We even had to file bankruptsy because of her and to be fair, my husbands poor financial decisions. Please remember that this WHOLE time no matter what I had to be nice to this woman. And every time I extended that olive branch for my husbands and childrens sakes I felt like she took it and hit me with it. She has even been the cause of MANY fights between my husband. She even tried to win him back from me when I was 8 months pregnant! What kind of person does that? Any ways we have since found a house that was big enough, and she still cant manage her money so we got the kids back full time, this time all 3 of them as she had dumped her boyfriend for another man. For about 6 months after we got the kids she was still getting half of our paycheck because of the court system. Now to be fair I will state that she gave a lot of that back. We finally got the courts to get rid of the child support. My husband refused support from her as she couldn't even pay her bills even though both her and her boyfriend had full time jobs, of course he was sending half of his paycheck to the wife and daughter he left for her. Since January she has barely seen her children because she works such odd hours and we enforce a schedule for the kids own stability. She doesn't even call them and then complains that she misses her babies. For the children we have even told this woman that she is welcome to see them at any time. And I am constantly trying to make excuses for her behavior to the kids because I don't want them hurt by her behavior. My husband was finally stopping with defending her, and I thought we were making progress. Now the one good thing I will say about his ex is that she always makes sure the kids have fun when they do get to see her, although half the time we have to arrange her visits. I even go out of my way to make sure that she is invited to family functions, because I know it is important to the kids that we get along. And when I took my SD to get her ears pierced I made sure to call her and make sure that it was not something that she had been planning on doing with her. I was told it was ok. ANyways, My son adores her. And since he is now 36 months and potty trained I let my husband talk me into letting him go with his siblings when they went to her house this last weekend. I had been waiting till we had some money to take my baby to the zoo for the first time and to take him on his first train ride since he adores trains. I found out Sunday night that she had taken him to the zoo. I was hurt and had an emotional reaction. My husband yelled at me and basically said I was over reacting. I was just needing to vent because I felt robbed and I wasn't allowed to. The next day we discussed it and I though we had come to an accord. LAst night I discovered that she had also taken him on his first train ride that weekend. I was heart broken and when I tried to vent my frusterations again it caused a huge fight. And last night I told my husband that I just needed to be able to vent and get it all out so I could deal with it and move past my emotions. At the end of the conversation it was concluded that I cant even vent to my own husband! I am so hurt, and I dont feel like I am getting what I need from this relation ship. Everytime I try to vent my (I will admit, very volatile) emotions so that I may deal with them he tries to council me and psychoanalyse me. I have told him that in that moment that is one of the worst things he could do and he had agreed to stop. He hasn't. I am sure you girls understand that sometimes we just need a friend to listen to us gripe and support us in that space. And yes sometimes agree with us that such and such was really messed up and we have every right to be mad and let it out. But I cant do that with him, and I dont know what to do. I dont feel like I am getting what I need from this relationship, and we have both been wondering if we made a mistake. He has even stated that he no longer thinks we are right for each other! I dont know what to do. And I don't even have friends here that I can vent to.


Angel 5 years ago

Wow! I thought I was the only second wife dealing with this kind of situation. My hysband's ex-wife is a total psychopath. My husband and I are together for alittle bit over three years and married for one year in two days. His ex-wife would always threaten and call us every bad word in the book. She has made my life miserable since day one. My husband and his ex share two children that are 9 and 10 years old. I have an 8 year old from a previous marriage, and if she wasn't in the picture we would be the happiest family in the world. My husband and I get along so well, we have a perfect relationship, except having her in our lives. I love all of our boys but I feel betrayed when they go back to thier mom's house and talk trash about me and sometimes even make up lies. I know that they are only children, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when they talk bad about us to his ex, especially when my husband and I do everything for them. I just don't understand why the boys do that when they know how she is going to react. Anyway I can go on forever. The last draw was when she came to pick up the boys a few days ago and wedged her foot in my front door of my home and started punching me in the face, after that she proceeded to push my head down, punch me in the back, in the ribs and when I went to push her face away, she tried to bite my finger off. I was so confused and couldn't believe what had just happened. My husband was on the phone when the assault occurred, but all he could hear was me saying that" we are adults and the children are here, can you please stop banging and trying to break my door down?" After he heard me say that, my phone was knocked out of my hand, and the phone went dead. I am sure he was in a panic at that point. It all happened so fast, she has threatened us soooooo many times before, that she was going to beat my ass,she has called cps on us ( but everytime they come to our house they see that the children are well taken care of), that she is going to call the cops and make a false report just to get us in trouble, this is just a few things that she has done.I could go on forever if I list everything that she has done. I just can't understand how someone would have this much time on thier hands to be so evil, especially when you have a newborn. Yes, she just had another baby. I am at my wit's end with all of this and I don't know what to do anymore. After that incident we had called the police, and made a report. Today I have to go two blocks away from her home while the police meet me, so I can serve her with a restraining order. I just wish that she could just be civil, but she is just not that type of person. For all the woman that wrote on this site, thank you for letting me know that I am not alone.


anonympous 5 years ago

HELP!!! MY HUSBANDS EX IS LYING TO THE COURT SAYING SHE ONLY HAS 1 JOB MAKING LESS THAN 17YR BUT LIVES IN AN EXPENISVE APT AREA AND I HEARD THROUGH THE GRAPE VINE SHE HAS ANOTHER JOB WORKING OFF THE BOOKS HOW DO WE CATCH HER IN HER LIES? pLEASE HELP


acase 5 years ago

so happy to have stumbled across this! while it makes me feel better that i'm not the only one going through the EXACT same stuff, it truly terrifies me to know that there are thousands of women like my husband's baby mama out there. It's sad how these women use their children to impose power over the father and stepmother. They have little if any real control over their lives or the shitty things that have happened to them (she became pregnant with twins out of wedlock when my sd was 2-she blames it on Murphy's law and not her irresponsible sex habits) and use the child to prove they're in control.

The last time we got my stepdaughter (after driving three hours to go get her) my husbands ex flips out on us and demands we bring her daughter back because she doesnt want her around me. She threatened to call the cops for kidnapping! Through the conversation we found out that MY mother-in-law, my husbands own mother, had been lying to her and twisting things that i had said to make herself look like the victim to my husbands ex. Mind you-baby mama falls under the 'tried to trap my man by getting pregnant' category. She was NEVER a part of his family and his mother insists on talking bad about us to her. All these problems with mother in law began because soon we will be moving closer to my husbands daughter and want to change our visitation from every third weekend to every other weekend. Mother in law has made it known that if we get sd every other weekend then that will cut into her time with my sd. So she has aligned herself with bm i guess because she thinks bm will stick up for her after shes proved her disloyalty to her only child! Ironically enough, his mother hated babymama until i convinced all of them that its in the childs best interest that everyone in THEIR family get along. Classic case of anything the stepmom does, no matter how good the intentions, will always come back to bite you in the butt. Of course babymama still thinks im a liar and manipulative and wont listen to anything we have to say on the situation.

I have come to the conclusion though that women like this are irrational and you cant reason with an irrational person. Im attempting to remove myself from the situation by having minimal contact with her. afterall, its only for another 14 years. ultimately, i feel sorry for this woman. she truly believes i stole him from her. she even went so far as to corner him in her apartment three days before our wedding telling him that their relationship was never really over and she has so many what ifs about their relationship(they broke up three years before this) and then she posts on her fb 'i wonder if i ever cross your mind, for me it happens all the time' AHHHHHH three days before our wedding. she will never be the woman i am because she lacks the ability to a. take responsibility for her own actions and b. maintain a healthy relationship and c. make her dreams come true because shes so focused on ruining mine and my husbands life and relationship with his daughter.


Tori 5 years ago

Been there done it all for 7 years! Then at age 18, still in HS, the crazy ex threw my husband's son out, over money. He and the dog have been with us 3 yrs. now. He graduated HS, 2 yrs. college, has good job and nice GF. The ex is still crazy, lives in a 1 room home for the elderly, despite being only 51! She's miserable and we live well, the best revenge there is! It gets better, everyone hang in there!


his2ndwifey!! 5 years ago

I hate hate hate my husbands ex!!! I wish she would fall off the face of the earth!! I am so glad I found this page.. Let me tell you about this desperate a** b***h... First of all she gets child and spousal support.. My hubby only brings home 150 a week because of this broad..She has exposed his daughters to several different men over the past three years.. this time last summer she was pregnant by some random guy.. two months prior she was with another man.. then not even two months after a "miscarraige".. she moved in with another man.. the girls have come over on four different occassions telling us she is getting married (a different man each time).. someone please agree with me that this will impact them im some kind of way.. she lives off the government.. lies about how much money she makes.. and still complains that she deserves more.. she wont get a real job.. I HATE THIS WOMAN!! SHE IS RUINING MY MARRAIGE.. I find comfort knowing that I am not the only one.. I could write a book about all this tramp has done.. we have struggled the whole time we have been together and cant take her to court because we can't afford an attorney.. its to the point that I have just called dhs.. hopefully they will shed more light on the problems going on that my husband doesnt want to except!! I just want this nightmare to be over before my marraige is.. does anyone know of anywhere we could turn to.. to find legal help/advice for people who can't afford it??


gretchen c profile image

gretchen c 5 years ago

I have been living with this same situation for the past 9 years. My husband's ex-wife discovered the chat room 12 years ago when their son was 11. She would start out just chatting and then it progressed onto cyber sex, even going so far as to spend the night with these men, but as she states, "I am a Christian woman and will never have sex until I am remarried" What kind of man is going to put up with necking all night, getting excited and wanting it to move to the next level, only to have the woman tell him that she won't give it up! I'm amazed she never got raped! She would also drag her children, one with a disability that keeps him in a wheelchair all his waking hours, across the country, meeting these men she met on line in hotel rooms. She has even gone so far as to leave these children alone, with no way of getting in touch with her if there was an emergency. And their dad was 3000 miles away. Does she really think that nothing bad will befall her? Then she tried to change the subject and say that she is a sex and love addict. Excuse me, but doesn't an addict, by the very nature of their problem(I refuse to call it a disease-it's a lack of self control)want sex all the time? Yet when she was married to her ex-husband, he was lucky if he got it once every two months. I tried to bring the whole family together by requesting spiritual guidance from the church we all were attending. The lead counselor told us that there was no way this woman would ever subject herself to deal with us on the subject of raising the sons. She also told her children that the reason Daddy was leaving them was because he had another woman that he was f***on a regular basis. One month after we were married, she broke into our house and stole furniture, used our computer(and deleting my husband's novel in the process) but never acted like she did anything wrong. She had left her ex-husband three times and all three times he allowed her back into the home for the sake of the kids. She went so far as to move out to a singles apartment, leaving the boys with their Dad. This lasted until I showed up and then she didn't want the children to see their father "living in sin". She kept the children from us on our weekends but when she needed to go out of town for a "job", we took them, without any thought. She does not know how to tell the truth. She has been caught numerous times in bold face lies but never seems to bother her-that's why she is crazy.


FilamMommy 5 years ago

I don't think all ex wife are like this, because honestly I'm an ex wife and I do not try or want to make my ex husband miserable.

I learn that I have to keep the peace with him it's better for the kids. I want the best for our kids and I want him to be happy. Because parent's are the first role model. If our kids sees us happy with someone else the sooner and easy for the kids to cope with the divorced. plus it makes our kids happy. my 3years old daughter is too young to understand with this whole relationship reality but I was so amaze when she say a compliment that she like "my fiancee" because he make mommy happy and she is happy! then she say I'm happy when mommy is happy. I started busting my butt crying. I was so touch by it. :)

I'm going through same thing when my fiancee's ex wife. she is not too bad. but, she has her days. I am also an ex wife and I do not want to be like the way she act. she make poor decision when she is angry with herself or with others then she think she have right to take out her anger toward my fiancee and isn't fair.

It's also very upsetting she ask money from my fiancee whenever she want it. sometime she use excuses like it's for medical and my fiancee tell her that he do not have a problem paying part of the payment but he do want a proof because sometime she ask ridiculously amount of money and it's unbelievable. then whenever my fiancee ask her with proof, receipt etc. then she throw a feet and just go crazy and start harassing us. :(

Sometime I try to be the better and bigger person. But, some days are so hard to hold my composure. I just want to scream and curse and tell her off!!! :(

My fiancee ex wife is older then us. she also dress like my mom and she look older because she always have this angry face. My fiancee says try to just ignore her because she always try to pissed us off. Because she have a very slow self of steam and she is jealous with a lot of things, like our relationship, her seeing me looking good all the time. which I do believe that she is insecure I am trying not to boost up my ego. But honestly, hell ya I look better than her. I wear size 1-2, she wear size maybe 12-13. I don't follow fashion but, cute Guess clothes always look good on me. lol

Other than that my fiancee have to treat her like how we talk to our kids because she don't understand with a word of NO!!! She either understand it but play dumb, when she's stupid enough already.

I feel good knowing i'm not alone with the whole ex thing. But sorry ladies we have to go through with this bullshit when we don't deserved it.


Kathy 5 years ago

Well ladies, I have a bit of advice. I've been married to my husband for 10 years, and believe me it has been hell. But you have to look ahead. I know it's not always easy, especially when your dealing with someone who's unreasonable. My husband used to stick up for his ex wife because he didn't want the fights.. I finally told him that she is his ex wife.. I am his wife, and if he can't find it in him to stand up for me than this marriage won't work. We still have plenty of issues, and a weekly fight but as long as you and your husband are on the same page then you can get through it. Fortunately we live in Canada, and have a court order that his ex wife can't move outside the city we currently live in. My step daughter now lives with us, as is her choice and the courts respect and uphold that decision. We currently have little contact with the other two children from his previous marriage, as she's found a way to turn them against us. We came to the conclusion, that we have allow the kids the opportunity to make the choice. My step daughter fought tooth and nail to live with us, and we supported her decision and fought right along side her. My 16 year old step son won't even speak to us, and we decided to let him make that choice and he will either come around or we won't. I see most of you have smaller step kids. As long as you stick to your guns and show the kids that you really do have their best interest at heart they will see that eventually and see their mothers for what they really are. The stronger you and your husbands are, the less she can get away with. Ours has tried to get me fired from my job, tried to get my husband fired from his, has tried to accuse me of abuse, threatened to kill me, it's been a 10 year nightmare. And my marriage was rocky at the start. Once we decided that regardless of what the ex tried to do, we would continue to do what was best for the kids, and continue to battle this as a team, it only strenghthend our marriage and the relationship we have with our kids. The third child from his previous marriage still is undecided. She comes to see us when she wants to, and is also slowly starting to see that not everything her mom says is the truth. We have a battle royal this evening, because my SD is coming home from her visitation, and her mom wants us to give her extra money for school clothes. Which we refused to do we already have 4 kids living here plus 1k a month is support we pay to her for the two that she has with her. Eventually she gets tired of ranting and raving, and leaves and things settle down. I'm a firm believer in Karma, and Karma came around last winter when a jeep drove into the front of the ex's house, and landed in her living room. (no one was home) 180k in damages and she didn't have insurance. She tried to go after us, but upon trying, she had to admit that she was collecting benefits for my step daughter while she's been living with us. So not only is she about to lose everything she owns, she has to pay a whack load of money back to the gov't, and has been order to find employment and begin paying us for support for my Step daughter. I have got 10 years of stories, and not one ounce of sympathy for her. hang in there ladies.. it's worth it to keep the family and the husband that you love so deeply!!


faithrichards profile image

faithrichards 5 years ago

Wow, this is clearly a forum for the other side. You might want to check out ex- wife stalkers for the real deal. It's amazing how many comments you have. Alot of hurt and alot of lies.


Daisy 5 years ago

As previous comments state, it's disheartening to know there is no real solution. I loved the comment which said we are beautiful and didn't need to be like the ex wives. I hope I can aspire to that state of calm. My husband's ex wife has gone out of her way to make life miserable. She tried to prevent us moving house, sabotaged our first wedding date, accused us of all sorts of things and the way in which she speaks to my husband is appaling. She is volatile and abusive at times then sucking up to him and being ultra friendly at others. The woman has no shame. Through all of this she uses her children as leverage. I too get frustrated with my husband as I feel she gets away without being brought to her account for her actions. Neither of us want the children to suffer and so we keep quiet. I have no recourse to action and feel as if I have been a punchbag at times. I do know however that emotionally happy and healthy people do not behave in this way and the fact she has to interfere in our lifes to this extent shows she is not happy in her own despite having a fiance, good job, nice home etc etc. She is a liar, a hypocrite and a nasty piece of work. Her fiance doesn't live with her (wonder why). I too agree, and believe she is mentally unstable. I suppose then she deserves pity. The best revenge is for her to see us genuinely happy and enjoying life, providing a loving home for all our children (his and mine) and relegating her to the depths of nothingness where she belongs...ex wife? Ex wife who?!


needadvice1981 profile image

needadvice1981 5 years ago

My boyfriend and I have been together since July of 2010 and I moved in with him and his son in December of the same year. He and his ex-wife have been divorced since March of 2009. They have shared custody of their son, with his Dad from Saturday‘s through Wednesday mornings and the remainder of the time with his mother. My boyfriend is wonderful and his son is also wonderful. His son’s mother? Not so wonderful.

They divorced because she was unfaithful more than once. Because the state we live in is a “no fault state” she actually walked away from the marriage with a large lump sum of money, child support and left him with all of the debt they built together trying to upgrade their home. She left my boyfriend, the home they built together and her son. She made no attempts to take her little boy with her. What type of a mother just leaves her child? It’s something I’ve never been able to understand and leads me to believe that she is a very selfish and self-centered individual. They are supposed to have shared custody. Which means they are to split the week. My boyfriend and I definitely have his son more than his mother does. I love that we have him more and I wish my boyfriend’s son lived with us full time.

When my boyfriend and I first got together, apparently his ex gave him her “stamp of approval” in regards to me. He keeps the piece with his ex for their son. I wish I could say the same for her.

Over the last 14 months I’ve seen emails with her verbal abuse towards him, heard stories from him and have personally experienced her verbal abuse. She has on multiple occasions made threats to my boyfriend that she involves their son in what is going on between them.

One Friday afternoon my boyfriend and I got out of work early so that we could see his son before his mother picked him up from the house. At the time she was still allowed to pick him up from where we live as we thought she could be trusted. Not the case.

We got home to find that she had already arrived to take their son. We pulled in the driveway and she was NOT waiting in her car. We walked into the house to not only find that she was inside but on the second floor of our home.

That’s when the “rules/boundaries” began. She portrays herself to be the kind of person who does something only for the attention or if it benefits her in some way. Definitely not a “do-gooder”.

My boyfriend began altering his schedule, leaving work early and making accommodations to meet his sons mother just so she wouldn’t go to the house.

Before I was in the picture she would go into the home where she once lived with her son and her ex-husband and would take things such as kitchen appliances, various photographs, linens etc. My boyfriend advised me that he arrived home one day to find her not only in the house but on his computer. I guess the son would let her in because she claimed she needed to use the bathroom or give the child any excuse to let her in. Of course he’s going to let her in, that’s his mother.

Now she is claiming rights to the 2 dogs that she also left behind almost 3 years ago.

When she is told no, she retaliates like a little kid that doesn’t get her way. She sends verbally abusive emails, text messages calling my boyfriend a loser and says that “everyone” knows that he’s a loser, among other things. Who “everyone” is? I have no idea. I can only imagine what it’s like to watch this adult woman stomping around after she has been told something she doesn’t want to hear or is stripped control of a situation. She tells my boyfriend that she tells their son that he does not save money for him, that he doesn’t buy him things and basically that he’s not a good father. After we discovered that she was entering and wondering around the home on her days to pick up her son, she was advised that she is no longer allowed to be at the house unless my boyfriend and or I are present. She told my boyfriend that she told their son “your Dad said I’m not allowed in the house”. Why would she tell him that? Is that her way to try to make their son dislike his Father? Does she have any clue that she is only hurting herself? Someday this extremely intelligent little boy is going to see that his mother is certifiably insane and that all she did was feed him lies about his Father when he was growing up. Their son just turned 14 and is at a very impressionable age. At no fault of the son, by nature, he’s going to side with the parent that is communicating these things to him. If she chooses to tell him this stuff then why not tell him the entire story? Tell the poor child that she was unfaithful…………. TWICE and that’s the kind of person she is and will always be. I can only hope that he grows up to be a sweet hearted person like his Father is and learns about his mother’s shortcomings and is able to continue to have a good relationship with her.

My fear is that he is going to turn into the terrible person that she is.

On an afternoon after work, my boyfriend and I met her at the usual meeting spot to drop of things for the child. The child was not present for this exchange of clothing and sporting gear, thank goodness. We got out of the car to find out that the child was not with her. When we asked about the boy she shouted “he wants nothing to do with either of you”. As I handed her things, she looked at me and said “did you hear me? I want to make sure you heard me”. She then shouted “you’re a C*%@ and you’re affecting my son!”. Honestly, all we did was get out of the car and hand over her son’s things. I do not engage in this behavior and I really feel like she was looking for an argument. I was NOT going give her one. My theory is…… arguing with an idiot makes two idiots.

She teaches her son that wealth and status are everything. I feel like she had a child just for attention and maybe on some level she does care for him but it’s not healthy. She is a parent to this child when it’s convenient for her.

At the age of 13 he decided that he wanted to go to school to be an orthopedic surgeon. While this is an excellent goal and this child is more than an excellent student, what child at that age would come up with a something like that? He calls neighborhoods that his buddies live in trashy and I he doesn’t like something he claims to “hate” it. It’s very sad.

I’m having a very difficult time standing back and watching all of this, and so much more, go on and not be able to do anything about it. It’s very difficult to have to sit back and watch people you love be treated this way.

Recently the ex-wife was told no about a meeting at a certain time and she threw, yet again, another fit. Over the past week or so she has been showing up at our home, unannounced and after she’s been asked not to, to pick up her son. We attempted to file a Harassment Protection Order to keep her away from our home but it was denied. We visited our local police department to see what our rights are and basically she can’t come on the property. How can we prove that she has or hasn’t been on the property when she wont wait for someone to be home when she sneaks over to the house to pick up her son? I don’t understand this behavior. She has every right to pick up her son and to have a relationship with him but what happened to manners? I could see if she were still sour if the shoe were in the other foot and she were the one that was cheated on but this is the situation that she created. She left!

We have recently decided to involve the authorities and the courts as we did not want all of this to impact the child but at this point there is no other way.

Any advice?


Nai 5 years ago

i am a child of a wonderful family. no ex's involved, but if they were and did that, i would run back to my family. NO ONE should be allowed to do the kind of thing physco ex did! they don't look at the child's reaction! put them with the person who loves them and wants to take care of them. you can tell by there faces where to put them. PUT THEM THERE.


gdj 5 years ago

Oh my can I relate to all these post. All I can say is im dealing with an ex wife to whom thinks she can tell my boyfriend of 3 years what to do! She always holds the kids over his head, threatens to take him to court to increase the support that is already more than anyone should get? It amazes me and I feel for all women who have to deal with an ex like this. I am an ex as well, my children are young adults now, but when there Dad and I divoriced we put the kids first no matter what and put our emotional selves aside. And we both have a life after divorce. I could really use any advice in how to deal with controlling, mean spirited, and manipulating women.

G


Cindy 5 years ago

I have been with my significant other for 2 years and his ex is a nightmare from hell... she uses the kid as leverage all the time... where are his rights in all of this..?


hate the ex 5 years ago

I have gone through the same shit if not worse. My stepchild was found asleep in the bathroom floor at school because this crazy woman didnt feed him dinner or breakfast and sent him to school on just a few hours of sleep. My husband continues to be all "buddy buddy" with her no matter what she does. She has ruined my marriage. I waited until I was 30 years old to get married and now I wish I hadnt. Ive not even been married for a year and he has already moved out and we are discussing dovorce because of all the white trash drama. Its miserable.


An opinion please! 5 years ago

This may be too long, but if I don’t start at the beginning, you may not understand why I am asking for your opinion about the present.

My parents divorced when I was 2&1/2. They are better friends than married, they say. They come to all special occasions, with my step parents, & have a great time catching up. I thought this was the way it was supposed to be. My Mom still jokes that my Dad owes her $16.50 for Child Support.

I was a rebellious teenager. I became pregnant at 19. I told my sons father & he moved out of town that night! I stopped drinking & smoking immediately & decided that, even though I was going to be a single Mother, I’d give him enough love for both of us. When my son was 4 his father decided to contact me & he, his wife & step-kids wanted to meet my son. She disbelieved this was his son because he didn’t come with papers (like a dog)! I didn’t ask for child support because I was afraid, out of vengeance, they’d want visitation & didn’t want my son treated badly because she didn’t like me. His father called again, when my son was 14, wanting to meet him, then discontinues contact with him, with a lot of broken promises & again left me with a hurt son.

When I was 30, I became a 3rd wife to my now ex-husband. He had full custody of all 3 of his sons. I got along great with them & their Mother, & so did my son. Just before my son turned 13, my husband became very abusive. Once I realized he was abusive to my son I went to my, out of town, family and asked for help, so they told me to move into a shelter. A co-worker helped us sneak out while my husband was at work & he thought I was working. We had 2 suitcases, one with clothes, the other toys. By then I was clinically anorexic (from stress & neglecting myself) & had cervical cancer for 2 years. I had surgery while living at shelter, & by the grace of God, I no longer have cancer BUT still can’t gain weight. I don’t regret marrying him, after all the trouble he caused me because I am such a stronger person now, & my son is a survivor. Since then I promised myself to NEVER settle for anything less than I (we) deserve in a partner.

I met my current BF (boyfriend), of 2 years, at my work, as I care for his Grandmother ( he & kids would talk to me on my break). He was also in an abusive relationship, only more physical than I was (she throws tools at him, etc. & he punches holes in the walls as not to hit her). All this as their 4 children (aged 2-9) watch on! I was his shoulder to cry on, as I told him they need to get help & if that doesn’t help separate for the kids sake, they don’t deserve that! If they both already took anger management & this is how they behave, I’d hate to imagine what it was like before.

One day he knocked on my door & said she kicked him out again, so he actually left & had no where to go. So I found him a place to stay until the trailer park opened & he could move into his motor home. Eventually our friendship became more and both our ex’s became very jealous. My ex went to my BF’s work & threatened his life (also went to my BF’s ex’s house & told her we’d been cheating on them for years (untrue), so I immediately stood up for my BF & took my ex to court for a Peace Bond (restraining order). I didn’t get it, but my ex knew I was serious & left us alone. His ex, on the other hand, just never gives up ( I think because he never stands up to her). It’s her way or no way, then she with holds visitation & he is naive enough to believe everything she says.

When he moved out, he left everything the way it was. She had full control of his paycheques (with the exception of $300 he took for gas & groceries when kids came, otherwise all he ate was toast & Mr. Noodles). She wants cash for child support & rarely provides receipts. She got house & everything in it (with the exception of his tools, dresser, TV, vehicles & motor home) & he had to fight 18 months for them, while his kids ask why he is stealing from Mommy! Within 7 months, she spent his (up to $1,100 monthly) paycheques, vacation pay & $50,000 (visa & line of credit) & still couldn’t pay her bills ($800 in NSF fees in approx 2 months)! So she convinced him to sign to consolidate mortgage (or he’d have to go bankrupt) & house has no equity, not even enough for an agent to sell. He signed because he didn’t want the kids to have to deal with moving as this is the only house they have ever known. She’ll show him no proof of mortgage payment, even though his name is on the mortgage & refuses to pay house insurance because she doesn’t like this company anymore. He doesn’t want to pay a penalty to sell & it probably wouldn’t sell as it is so dirty. She wants the house one day & when she finds a boyfriend she doesn’t want it & move into her BF’s town, than changes her mind. He also, kept her van in his name because she couldn’t afford a safety or insurance. She wants him to pay for dance (which his daughter doesn’t even like), buy presents for Christmas at her house, pay for them to go on vacation, she has no gas money, buy her a sticker for van, kids need “whatever” can you go buy it? Where does the child support & all the extra he gives her go?

At the time he lived in his motor home I wasn’t allowed to ever be there because they bought it for the kids enjoyment & I wasn’t part of their family, & he had to find a place to stay when she wanted to use it. I went against her wishes then he asked me & my son to sleep in the truck in the parking lot! I work afternoons & he works days, She arranged for his visitation on all my days off & since I wasn’t allowed around the kids, (or she’d get a restraining order on me & have security remove me), we never seen each other & if he ever moved in with me, he wouldn’t see his kids other than supervised, if that! I started showing up when his kids were there, so she switched visitation weekends to the weekends I work so I wouldn’t be around them. When she has a BF she needs hours to prepare the kids for being around me & when she doesn’t have a BF she doesn’t like me around them. She says come pick kids up, when we are there she changes her mind (sometimes 3 times a day when she says to show up) & they are not allowed to come. She says she is going to call the Police on him as her truck is stolen & he is driving it & it is in his name only!

She contacts, multiple times, daily…..fix plumbing, foundation, van broke down, “pick me up, I need your car, fix my van”, “I am in the area, want me to visit on your lunch?”, need compressor, jack, pruner, etc. She opens his mail, gets all special occasions, tells kids she hates me, “If you don’t call me right now, don’t bother picking up the kids & I’ll assume this means your also declining your parental rights”, “Your son is having a temper tantrum, you need to come and control him”. My BF had to stay at her house, (while she went to her brothers wedding in Korea with the oldest 2 kids) or she’d cancel her trip to stay home with the 2 youngest & send the 2 oldest with her alcoholic sister & mother!

One more problem I have, my BF & his ex believe that as long as their kids are happy, they can do whatever they want! These kids sometimes get to the point where they physically abuse each other, disobey what they are told & don’t have any rules, respect or manners. They treat me better & respect me more than they do their own parents (when parents aren’t around). I try to teach them this but my BF always over rides my decision, when they don’t like what I say. When my BF is gone & I am the only one with them, they are better behaved cause they know I’ll give them a time-out & he can’t rescue them BUT as soon as he returns, so do the out of control wild animals! I do love his kids & treat them the same as I treat my own son. So I just stopped being involved in their lives, when they visit I do my own thing. Is that wrong? My son also avoids the house, too chaotic & dramatic for him.

They frequently look like orphans when they come over, their clothes are too small & shoes so full of holes, it’s isn’t safe for them to play. I buy new clothes/sho


Same Situation 4 years ago

I walk in your shoes everyday......my husband goes through the same thing. Court all the time. we actually gained custody of them a year ago and now she is filing an appeal...she pays no child support and she has been labeled many things by therapist...yet there isnt anyone who can stop her.............


acase 4 years ago

one of the most detrimental things a mother can do to her child is introduce her to multiple men. my husbands ex has had their child call no less than 4 other men (one of whom the bm had sleep in the bed with her and my sd) 'daddy' and she just turned five. its abhorrent that any woman would subject their daughter to a slew of men. parents are supposed to show their children how to maintain healthy relationship, and by introducing young girls to multiple, they are setting their daughters up for major relationship problems as adults. i had an aunt do this to my cousin. she began sneaking out of the house to have sex with men at the ripe old age of THIRTEEN and by the age of 20 was having sex for drugs. i wish more than anything we could get custody of my sd so that her mother will quit subjecting her to this irresponsible behavior.


Christie 4 years ago

Does anyone ever feel angry with their husband/boyfriend for putting them through all this stress. I feel so much bitterness and stress and it's so hard not to be angry with him for bringing this into my life. His ex cheated then moved to Scotland (abandoned their children) to be with her beau. Says a lot about the kind of man who would even want a woman to do that. We have the kids full time while she lives fancy-free in downtown Glasgow. She pays nothing and barely makes an effort to phone the kids and/or email them. His daughter idolizes her. She says it's better for her mom to be there because she is so happy. Twisted! Brainwashed!


beyond annoyed 4 years ago

I SO know how you feel!

My boyfriend (of 2 1/2 yrs) has a crazy ex wife. The only reason he married her (and this is his 'version' of it so it may not be totally accurate) is because she got pregnant w/their now 4 yr old son (whom I call my step son). Now I know for a fact that she took herself off of birth control 3 months into their dating relationship after only one conversation about children (I am very close friends w/my bf's best friend...to whom she told all this to and to whom she would call constantly when she and my bf would have issues).

They separated in late 2008 and divorced mid 2009 (after we had started dating..we had been friends for roughly 3 yrs before we began dating). Now I understand that she "was still in love w/him and wanted to work things out" but when someone tells you continually that they do not want to be with you and that they want a divorce why would you fight it? This woman has made our lives hell for nearly 3 yrs now.

Just a few examples of her craziness: 1) She stalked us all the way to the movie theater and proceeded to get out of the car (which was being driven by my bf's other ex gf who is also nutso and had a restraining order against the ex wife for assult the summer before) run in and get into my face. 2) She would drive by my house DAILY and would call him non stop when she saw his car there (we had to hide his car in a totally diff neighborhood at some points because of this). 3) she assaulted me infront of their child's daycare in 2010 after she asked me to meet her their to pick up their son from her because she refused to take him into the daycare and I was running late (as I didn't get out of work on time). 4) She would claim (during the time he was filing for divorce) that she hated him and wanted the papers so she could sign then 24 hrs later state that she loved him and wanted to grow old with him then turn right back around and state the prior. (I could go on and on but it would take me DAYS to tell everything).

She continues to reek havoc in our lives. She has told my step son that he can't love me because I'm not his mother (yet she has been IN my home and has told me on more than one occasion that she is so thankful I am there for her son and that I care so much about him), has continued to claim that my bf is cheating on me (simply because he cheated on her in order to get out of the marriage as she refused to allow him to do so) & state that I am a naive little girl who has no clue what he is up to (I know my bf's daily schedule/routine...and he has NO time to cheat on me nor would he want to). She can't keep a job (she has had 4 jobs in the last 2 1/2 yrs...3 of which she walked out on/quit simply because she couldn't stand either her manager or some other co-worker), she has moved 8 times in 2 1/2 yrs (2 places out of which she has been evicted), has recently tried to go after MORE child support (divorce decree states he pay $75/mo although they have 50/50 custody...only reason is that is the ONLY way this b**** would sign the papers) because she has no job and refuses to go get one (yet she can go get her hair colored, go to the bars when she doesn't have her children [she has a daughter from a prior relationship before him] & can go shopping and eat out regularly [yet sends their son to preschool in clothes 2 sizes too small for him when she has the money to get him clothes while we use our last dime to make sure he has proper fitting clothes].

I can not STAND her and wish daily she would fall of the face of this earth. Her children would be better off with their fathers...each of whom can provide a stable living condition for them.

I do the best I can to keep my mouth shut (I'm not perfect by any means) but Lord help me because one of these days' I'm going to blow. My bf and I have fought many times because of her bs (mainly because he usually gives into her..she calls him for EVERY little thing and it drives me nuts...however recently he has told her unless it deals w/their son he could care less and to leave him alone) but I am trying to do everything in my power to understand where he is coming from & try to support him. He has recently given me a promise ring and also has bought an engagement ring (I have no clue when he is going to pop the question) so I know that this woman will be in my life for many years to come. I just can't understand how any "mother" would put their child in the situations that she has w/her children. I will never understand her nor respect her but I will do my damnedest to be civil w/her for the sake of the child.


Ruthless 4 years ago

I'm so happy to learn that I am not alone. I have been married for almost 2 years, living together for almost 3. I have 2 wonderful daughters from previous and he has a 6 yr old with whom I refer to as Satan. She has 2 other children from her other previous marriage. She continues to use her children as pawns to try to control what her ex does with his time of visitation. She has put our 6yr. old (and yes- I do refer to him as ours, he is like one of my own) into Baseball and sais we can only have him if we will take him to baseball. We had him previous to that and still pay for Taekwondo, which we all do as a family. We are in a legal custody battle because of her constant manipulations to the visitation order, so best scenario is that we get full custody and save our 6yr old from years of torment with her. She abandoned her other 2 children when they were very young, left them for an affair with my current husband. Then they got custody back of those 2 kids. When my husband left her (she was already cheating with someone else), she abandoned those 2 teenagers for the 2nd time. She now has a 19yr. old, unwed mother of a baby with no baby-daddy and a 17 yr. old whom is being tossed from father to mother because of behavior issues. I do not want to have to deal with that with our 6yr. old. I want him to have a home (A steady, safe, home) and never be tossed around or manipulated. She already tells him things that make him so confused. She says to him "Isn't it terrible your Dad won't take you to baseball, or on vacations, etc" meanwhile it is her fault- she should not be putting her son in the middle of all of this. We ask for him to take him on vacation and she pulls Sh** at the last minute and says we can't have him or wants to change our days around. Well I have 2 daughters that I have to plan for as well, so it is not all about her and her needs. AHHHHHHHHH feels good to find a place to rant and rave a little about all of this. I pray for peace some day soon. and now I pray for peace for all of you as well. I have told my husband I do not want to give him an ultimatum, but I have decided, whatever the outcome of our court case (November), that I will not allow her to continue to manifest her way into our lives and continue to disrupt it. Even if that means not being involved with our 6yr old, until he is older and sees her for what she truly is. I know that sounds awful, but I can't deal with all the drama and stress.....Any thoughts...or other options????


Ruthless 4 years ago

My advise to many of you is to find strength within yourselves to know that this is not someone you have any control over. This is not something you have done personally. Ex's like this will lash out at anyone, they are like serial killers, they are psychopaths. They are absolutely mentally disturbed and need help. Unfortunate for many of us, they don't ever get the help they need so they use the poor children as they scape goats and pawn along their ex-husbands as much as they can. Step up, be strong and don't allow them into your lives. I truly believe they are the will of Satan- if you allow them they will destroy your marriage, self-esteem, confidence, etc. Your husband should deal with this and face the consequences. Either find a way to make peace in your home, or leave her & her children until the children see her for her true self, hopefully they won't be too screwed up by then.


An Opinion Please! 4 years ago

(CONTINUED FROM ABOVE):

They frequently look like orphans when they come over, their clothes are too small & shoes so full of holes, it’s isn’t safe for them to play. I buy new clothes/shoes & she gets them. He keeps saying, “she’s not a B***h like that” then she does it & proves him wrong & he is shocked. He keeps giving her “just one more chance”, he breaks promises to me to keep promises with her, because I freak less dramatically. My son, now almost 16, has his first aid, & babysits 5 of 7 days a week but can’t babysit my BF’s kids cause she says, “I don’t let kids babysit kids.”

I feel like a 3rd wheel…..a 3some would even feel better as I’d be getting some attention & respect. Lol This has been going on for two years now, & as I promised myself “I’d never settle for less again”, it feels like I am. I can’t blame it all on her cause he always gives in to her. He asked me to marry him but I declined until his divorce is finalized BUT he hasn’t even been anywhere close to court yet! Not even for a separation. Both of them are a book of empty threats & promises! HELP…..opinion, I love him & so does my son. When is enough, enough? Should I stay or go?


gretchen c profile image

gretchen c 4 years ago

I commented over 2 months ago and there have been over 200 comments about how crazy the ex wives are and only 1 comment( from faith richards) about this clearly being a forum for the other side. Even an ex husband has come to our rescue! I can only imagine she means the ex wives. Then she tries to entice you to her hub and ends up with "a lot of hurt and alot of lies". How can there be over 200 liars?


beyond annoyed 4 years ago

Ruthless: I really hope things work out for you and will send prayers your way regarding the court battle.

I have also wanted to give an ultimatum...however I would feel like the worst person in the world for forcing my "step son" to live and deal w/his bio-mom 24/7. I am just praying one day when he is older & can understand he will see how manipulative/caniving/selfish she truly is & will realize how much his father & I have done to try to make his life easier/more stable.

I'm trying so hard to keep the peace but it gets harder and harder ea day as she continues to pull the same bs and my bf continues to allow her to do it w/o saying a word (he always lets her off the hook & constantly makes excuses for her which drives me nuts!). I hope one day he wises up and uses the parental rights he has and takes her to court to get full custody. But I'll be honest...I'm not holding my breath.


Same Situation 4 years ago

Yes...it can be very hard to deal with the ex and yes sometimes there is bitterness. Even though it is not his fault. I know that he didnt choose for his life to be this way. Yet there are days where I am just so overwhelmes with how she talks about him, us our kids....She has the Im so perfect attitude. Does not help support the kids at all. Spend all her money spoiling them on her two weekends buy buying them stsuff and taking them out to eat. I have never hated anyone....and maybe hate is too string of a word. But I dislike her so much for what she has put my husband through, his family through, the kids through and us through. It is a daily battle. It never ends. There is always court, always emails, always text and the phone rings off the hook....especially when she knows he is not home and Im here with the kids. I soemtimes wonder how I am going to make it till the last one turns 18....which is way off. Then will it end? I seriously doubt it. I hate how she gets her way. How she whines and complains. How she lies her way out of things. She is by far the worst person I have ever met that states she is a christian in every sentence. She has done so much and yet feels no remorse.....how can someone like that be a mother....someone who makes her kids fel guilty about being happy, feel guilty over EVERYTHING! Another thing if two court ordered therapist, cps, DHHS social workers and two judges think she is unstable, why on earth is she still allowed two weekends a month?????I don't understand.....I just dont understand...... Yet here we are paying thousands upn thousands defending ourselves everyday of her lies....and she gets slapped with little fines for filing false information and wasting courts time.....someone please explain to me how such an evil person can be free.....


Eleni 4 years ago

Well..from where should I start? I read all this because I dont know how to feel about all this complicated situation. I am married to a man that has 2 ex wifes, 1girl-12years with the first ex-wife and 2 children-7 and 6years old with the second ex-wife. It is very difficult for me sometimes I feel I want to give up and just leave...but he is a good man and I love him a lot.

I so difficult not only with the feeling but also with economic issues, 3 children cost a lot. Well I am requesting from all of you who are more experience in this kind of situations to give me advices...so I can stand the hole nightmare. Also I realized that I will be able to make my own kid when I will have good salary, couse my husband can manage another kid..and I am almost 30 I feel like clock is ticking and the time is passing.

I will wait your advices, and sorry for my english mistakes. Wish you all better days! Kind regards!


Eleni 4 years ago

I forgot to say that the second exwife doesnt like her children to spend time with the 12years girl from the first married. And I am trying to make all the kids to feel like brother and sister, like family. Also the second exwife recently changed she appears more calm and she always says that she doesnt have any problem with me playing with the kids...but the kids are saying other things, one I give something they dont take it because their mother will yell at them...and many other things that as I could see here happens to a lot of you. So what to do and how I should feel about all these. I feel like I am fighting with me, half of me says I should stay, and the other half says RUN AWAY!


Sad Wife 4 years ago

Im reading all of these comments


fedup 4 years ago

i am in the same situation... We should have some kind of self help group targeting the issues we go through


Mae76 4 years ago

Unfortunatly, this is something us wives of married men with children will have to deal with forever!! I have been married 13 years, and it is the same thing.. all the time. I swear my husband's ex is still in love with him, and her morning routine includes coffee, marlboro 100's a call to child support, and a call to my husband. She says her kids are starving, but yet when her kids come here they make comments like there is better stuff to eat at home, or mom will only smoke marlboro 100's. He is court ordered to pay 100.00 a week, but the kids are 20 YES 20, and 18. One is not in school at all, no college nothing, uses drugs, goes everywhere and gets everything he wants, and the other is a senior in high school, who she won't allow to even cross the road alone! She says he has autism, but won't provide documents to us to prove it, honestly I think she is trying to make him look like he does, by not letting him have a life, cause she thinks if he is disabled she will get support on him for life.

She is constantly calling my husband, harassing him, over money and court problems with the oldest. She calls and if we don't answer she calls every five minutes. She tells my husband he is a terrible father, amongst other things... The 400 a month he pays obviously isn't enough. She doesn't work, never has had a job, lives off the system with housing and food stamps, HOW? Now she is on disability for "anxiety" but she doesn't have this problem, and acts her part to WORK THE SYSTEM!!

This is tearing us apart, my husband won't tell her to not call him, THE KIDS ARE ADULTS!! I want to leave so bad, but feel for the 12 year old twins him and I have together.. anyone have any advice???

THEIR KIDS ARE ADULTS AND THIS STILL CONTINUES DAILY!!! He pays his child support, and we have the boys every weekend.


New.Wife.VS.Ex.Wife 4 years ago

Sho I thought my issues with the exwife was bad but reading all these comments makes me realise that i can still manage her.... why do the exes get like this?? i promise that i think if they moved on first that they wouldnt overreact like this.. all of a sudden the new wives are the crappiest mothers and not good enough and all that.......


Jane 4 years ago

I'm on this page because we are dealing with the same situation. I feel very helpless.


Gisel 4 years ago

I so feel you pain. I am here rocking back and forth in the same boat. She drives a Lexus and lives in a $700K house and owns 3 daycares and we are on foodstamps. But you know what deep down she is the miserable one. She fills there brains with sooo much crap about us, it's sad. Why can't they just move on.


mia 4 years ago

hi every one I have the same problem I been praying its hard for me been married 2 1/2 years to my husband both of our first marriage. He have two children before me 5 and 8. I hate the fact that she use the kids as her crutch to hurt him. He constantly tell me he feel bad he is not raising his kids he want to move back to his home town so he can be a part of their life I feel bad. I feel like why cant we get them and bring them to our place we have together it is so much some one please give me some advice. I feel like I am ruining my marriage by not dealing with it. I dont wanna move near her I feel like it can be problems I understand he wanna be with his kids but I feel he can still be a part of their life on holidays and so on without living in the same town.Please respond tell me what you think


Nicole M 4 years ago

The ex wife stopped my husband from speaking to the kids for a second time after much effort to reconnect. We called CPS for help (the kids are wearing unwashed clothes with old food stains and stank the last time I saw them!) Oregon CPS refused to even look at their living conditions. We made sure the children understand the situation and they know their dad loves them. We don't have the money to go to court over parental alienation. We decided to move on. Its been 4 months now. Personally I am grateful that this is how things have turned out. Good riddance.


Dee 4 years ago

There are so many of us dealing with the Ex-Wife! I dealt with my husbands Ex for almost 10 years, she is also bi-polar or something. She made my life a living hell! She turned my step-daughter from me & her father, but she is an adult now, so it's her wrongdoing now, not her mother's.

There is a bright side, the kids do grow up, and when child support is no longer an issue, the Ex finally moves on!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love my husband, we've been together for almost 10 years, but I would never choose to live this life again. It was the hardest 10 years of my life.

By the way, all Ex-wives are not the same, I am an Ex as well. I always made more money than my Ex and never took one dime of child support from him. I love my kids, I am only interested in what's good for them. Taking child support from someone who doesn't have a great income, doesn't help my kids at all. It causes stress for the kids.

Good luck Ladies, I really hope it all works out for you all :)


Hormonal Preggo 4 years ago

It's sad that I'm even having to research this topic to figure out how to deal with my situation, but here I am... I have been with my husband for over 3 years, and we just recently celebrated our first wedding anniversary. I have always tried to be as nice as I can be to my husband's ex despite how I feel about the things she says/does. A few years ago my step-son was in the hospital, having surgery in the town SHE LIVES IN mind you, and she barely was there at all and took credit for the "long hours" with him there... honestly, that's besides the point but it gives you a bit of incite. My husband and I stayed by his bedside the entire time he was there, worried and scared to death. The morning of his surgery she shows up (LATE) and decides to chat with me since my husband is asleep. Keep in mind this is the first time this woman and I have had a conversation besides "hi" and "bye", and she decides to discuss when they were married... and by this I mean how hard it is to wake him up in the mornings, yadda yadda... the last thing I want to be thinking about is my husband lying in bed with his EX!! I blew it off because I just figure she doesn't really know what to talk about... but it comes up again and again. She likes to randomly remind me (in my opinion) that she slept with my husband.

I have kept my mouth shut over and over to keep from causing him any issues in seeing his son, even though there are many things I'd LOVE to say to her! What I'd love to remind her of is the fact that they only married because his mother pressured him into it when he got pregnant "supposedly"... I definitely have my doubts on the paternity, but I would never want to hurt him! And they were not even married a YEAR...

To the current issue, my husband and I are pregnant with our first child together. I found it rather nice of her that she congratulated us, but I should have KNOWN she was going somewhere with this!! She asked me how far along I was, and OF COURSE, she found out she was pregnant at the exact same time frame... okay, nice to know, I guess? Now I am nearly five months, and she calls my husband to discuss their son. One of the first things she wants to know is my due date and do we know what we're having. He tells her my due date and then lets her know that we found out early that they are almost 100% certain it's a girl. And she proceeds to remind him that their son was "a girl" until the last month of her pregnancy... I honestly wonder if she just makes this stuff up!! If this were true, I'm sure I would have heard this story before now... I honestly wish he would have refrained from telling me because he knows I get agitated!

Why does she constantly have to make MY life all about HER?! She's remarried... why can't she just focus on the son, and quit trying to get to me! I am just at a loss... I don't even know how to feel or where to go from here...


Lori P 4 years ago

It doesn't really matter who said what, or who did or didn't do something. What really matters is how you feel about yourself at the end of the day. Nothing others do is because of you. They have their own agenda. Stay out of court. Don't mistake equal for fair. Bite your tongue. Everyone is posting similar comments. And I can relate, because I don't always agree with decisions that are made or what is going on in other peoples lives. And this makes it very hard to cope most times. So set some personal boundaries for yourself. Try not answering the phone if you're having me time. Love yourself and those around you. Practicing these things helps me cope better.


GoBronson 4 years ago

I can't believe that this has been a 3 year long discussion! It just goes to show how crazy some people can get! We're going through the same BS with my husband's EX - not even ex-wife, just EX! Luckily they never married but they do have a kid together and he is giving her over half of his paychecks in support and paying through the nose for insurance and we're struggling so bad as I also have a son from a previous relationship but my ex pays me NOTHING so we have it from both sides!! Hubby's kid doesn't get any emotional stimulation from his mother and is a lot happier here but they won't give us custody in a million years because she has other children there with her husband.

They live in luxury with 4 cars, a big house, a couple of kids and run around in all this high end expensive get up and buy big while we can barely put food on our table.

It bothers me NO END! Especially when all we want is what is FAIR and even that is hard to come by.

She is so selfish she won't even let my husband have the kid over the summertime, even though I'm a stay at home mother! Instead, she would rather put the kid in daycare ALL SUMMER and make my husband pay the WHOLE bill!!!! We'd rather the kid be here, be entertained and emotionally interactive and what not instead of sitting in a daycare all day, but no, she won't have it because, of course, that would be too nice for us!

Their child has so many problems and issues right now and the first thing she did was put him on meds instead of changing HER ways! Now he can't function in school, has nightmares and sleepwalks (we think due to the meds) but she is making it out like the meds are necessary because he is violent - which he has NEVER been here!

There is a LOT more to this but basically, it is heart breaking. Financially we can't afford to live, but emotionally it is hard to watch a wonderful, loving, child have to go through so much BS when there is a very easy solution.

I know not all ex's are bad people. I gave the world to my son's dad and I am on the other side of the fence because he is screwing me over financially and yet i still bend over backwards to be nice because my son deserves to know his dad!!! Its like you're damned if you're a good person in these situations!

I wish more people would just think about THE CHILDREN!

As someone smarter than me once said though, children come home to roost, so whatever the wrong done to them is, they will remember it later and know who did the right thing by them!

Im pretty sure most of the ex wives don't really get how much of a hardship they put on their ex bf/husband and don't realize that a lot of the dead beat ones are unable to do all the crap they want them to do because they are being put down financially - I shake my head at it.

Everybody, hang in there!

xxxx


Stacie 4 years ago

My husbands ex wife is a lune just like that. Takes lots of money for child support for the 3 kids that are his, her oldest that isn't his has been taken away from her for abuse, when they were divorcing he was given custody but she didn't like that so made up false allegations against him with sexual abuse of her oldest daughter that isn't his, no proof, just a written letter form her to her attorney who persued it, small town, small town mentality, if he's accused of it he did it, he was sentenced as a registered sex offender..the daughter that this supposedly happened to doesn't know anything about the allegations and is in foster care. The mother has been in jail last xmas for 30 days..Here is my question if the accusations she made were true, there would be no way in hell I'd let my other 3 daughters see their dad, contempt of court or not..She asked us to take care of the 3 girls while she was in jail and lied to them about it of course. Now a year later she has corrupted the oldest of the 3 to not want to come visit, the daughter won't talk to her own grandparents or family at all...she is 14...the mother's own parents and sibling have disowned her because she is pyshco...we have had to block her from texting and phone calls to my husband because she is constantly dreaming up bullcrap, lies and whatever else she can come up with , she even accused me in a text that I was molesting her daughter and that's why I she doesn't come over anymore...my husband hasn't seen her in over a year and is afraid of even taking her to court because he knows she will pull the same thing again and he could end up in prison for something he is innocent of..I truly believe this...He has never done anything to his kids, I would know as my own son really was molested...there are signs and uneasy feelings...There is always some drama with her..I am not allowed to be with my husband when he picks up the kids and if I am she won't let them go...how stupid of a mentality is that...once he brings them home they will be with me...hellooo dumb ass. I am so tired of it...Divorce does not mean rid of...I would never suggest any woman remarry a man with an ex and children...


cruz 4 years ago

its crazy meeeeen!


AtPeace 4 years ago

The best thing I did was give up my 3 kids. I am a mother, was a stay-at-home mom for 14 years. I watched my ex's divorce filing ruin my kids (all of them now have depression and anxiety issues with one daughter believed to be bipolar). My ex would badger my kids relentlessly after they had spent time with me. I have let them go and they can return and see me when they are adults. I am at peace, even though I'm now paying child support. I had to grieve and move on with my life -- best thing I could have done for my kids and myself.

My current fiance has 2 kids and a truly insane ex-wife, so I refuse to marry him. We have lived together for 2 years and I will not marry until his youngest is 18 in 6 years. I refuse to meet his ex, so I am still at peace.

We must not stand for drama of any kind. If you are having problems, it is because you are allowing it. We can all choose to ignore the crap and move on.

Love your kids enough to let them go (so you can both thrive), and they will eventually come back to you.


cc 4 years ago

Ok - so I have never posted before, but wow, am I glad to find this sight. We have been together for 13 years, his ex dated someone and married them the entire time. She just got divorced again after 8 years, and decided to take our last name. yes there are 2 teenage kids, but really now why would you do that. The kids don't care and no one in this family wants anything to do with her, but somehow she thinks she will always be a part. The kids are but sister you are not. bi-poloar has to be part of the ex life. She too pretends to like me, but it is just to keep my husband happy. Really....I am not that stupid, but you must be. I decided long ago it would be a cold day in Hell for her to come between us, and I have had my moments, but I will not let her win, and I show no anger to her. She wants me to respond to her stupid tricks, and I don't, but I do have tricks of my own. REally you come in my house and try my shoes on that are at the door. No-that is not cool, not even if you asked is it cool. She brings trash in so she can walk through the house to the kitchen and look through our things. No bitch, I can get that for you. Stay at the front door. Just because you have kids together, does not mean my business or our business is yours. I too don't understand why the guys cannot stand up for us. They say it is for the kids, but I really get tired of hearing it. I told him one day I will bark back, and he better have my back if he is not going to do it now. It will not be a pretty picture either. Karma is a bitch, and she just found out she has breats cancer. Great! I had some sympathy for her, but not have the last stunts. Her new ex is still living with her so she can use him and the sad thing is he is letting her. Stupid.--His mom told me to consider the source and she is unhappy and a miserable person and just jealous of us and will try to do what she can to manipulate any situation. Wow, I totally needed this. So many people who are not in our situation just don't get it. Thanks for the ear and time!


Insanely annoyed!!!!! 4 years ago

Ok i need help. I'm reading all of your stories and they're scaring me. I've only been dating my current bf for 6 months and his ex wife's already driving me crazy. I ask myself if I'm overreacting or if this wrong. We've been talking about marriage alot lately but honestly I don't know if I can deal with this for the rest of my life. I moved in with him when we were dating for 4 months... I know its quick but we fell for each other. Soon after she went insane. Stating that her son would never be around me even if he and I got married I could not have contact with her child. Am I going to go through things like this forever with her? My mom keeps telling me to leave him but I love him. Honestly I'm tired of arguing about it. He says he feels like he has to choose between us and I hate it. I hate feeling guilty for wanting to be happy. Someone please tell me this will get better.


Sally 4 years ago

Today is the new year day but my husband told me that I lied to him when I told him I accepted that he had children, that I only married him to get things out of him just like his ex-wife, and that he will "fix" that for us by filing divorce.

We love each other so much and the only reason for this to be happening is because his crazy ex-wife. They were divorced 2 years ago and visitation has been a constant pain. Every time my husband (then we were still dating) had to file something in court to get some supervised visitation in her house, a phone call, a dinner, or some time with his children. He has spent $100,000 on legal fees for divorce and for enforcing parenting time. His ex got several Contempt Orders but no other sanctions. Every time she would come up with excuses like the children feel uncomfortable, the children have schools, the weather is not safe for driving long distance, they don't have the money to transport the kids when they receive $2000 a month in child support and it apparently supports the 2 children of my husbands, the ex and her live-in boyfriends, and their child, and 5 of the live-in boyfriend's children!

My husband is having his attorney filing things again this month for the lost parenting time in Xmas that didn't happen bc of the ex-wife. No doubt it will cost us almost $10,000 again. This happens 2-3 times a year! We were married for almost a year and I have been dealing with this financial and emotional stress for 2 years. I wish he could just walk away from his children.

I know it is very dark for me to think like this and I did tell him that I accept he has children. But at that time I didn't know this crap will haunt me forever! His youngest is only 3 and there is 15 years to go!!!

Last night I told me about my concern for future litigation fees again. He was very sick of me worrying about the money and eventually he broke out and yelled at me saying I lied to him, I used him, and he wanted a divorce, and he would never want to marry again.He says I am a princess and I don't appreciate the comfortable life that he provides me.

I really love him and I am so attached to him now. But I feel very lonely and feel less and less about myself. I don't know what to do. Please help!


Sally 4 years ago

where did my comment go? I was looking forward to some help... :( Is it being reviewed for release? Hope so...


pixiezero13 4 years ago

I just read this book I Hate His/Her Ex, I loved it, it really helped me as I was having loads of problems with my partner. You can get it on Amazon, kindle or other places. Definitely worth reading :)


pixiezero13 4 years ago

I just read I Hate His/Her Ex by Alex Cooper. You can get it on Amazon or other bookstores. It helped me to deal with so many issues that I had with my fiance’s ex - who I really hated!! Now, my relationship is perfect :) xxx


Candace 4 years ago

I am going through a similar situation. In all honesty, it just seems that the ex cannot get over what has happended and the fact that he has moved on with his life. Chalane continually tries ways of causing problems both financially and maritally. we ignore her like the plague, at the end of the day how do you reason with someone that has no brain?


DeannaKeenan profile image

DeannaKeenan 4 years ago from Malvern, Arkansas

Insanely Annoyed,

I totally understand what you're saying & I only wish I had thought about the long term of the ex before I married my hubby. I have considered leaving a million times, because I don't want to live like this. His ex is horrible! However, if you do leave...she wins. That's the only thing that keeps me here some days, to be honest. I'm too stubborn to let her win & dang it I LOVE my hubby & I LOVE those kids! A wise woman who was once in my shoes recently told me...she's jealous of you & she's jealous that you & your hubby have something that she didn't have with him. Just keep that in mind. Also, it's easier to keep peace if you just stay out of it. Hard to do & your hubby will tick you off by making the wrong decisions sometimes, but for your sanity...just take a deep breath & let him deal with his ex all by himself. It's his problem. I tell myself this alot, & dont follow my own advice alot, but when I do things are alot smoother. You will ALWAYS be the witch in her eyes, no matter what you do.


DeannaKeenan profile image

DeannaKeenan 4 years ago from Malvern, Arkansas

Sally,

I do so hope that your hubby has changed his mind & was just frustrated when he said he wanted a divorce. They get frustrated too. I've told my hubby I want a divorce many times, and maybe I thought I wanted that at the moment...but 5 minutes later I realized I was just mad.


jessica 4 years ago

i did not read all the comments

my fiances xwife comes around his family and brings he new man and daughter and has his family call her niece etc... im so pissed... what can you ever say or do to make your family loyal to you? they seem to not care that they are hurting him but just worried about offending her and only ask to see her when she has the kids for parties and holidays arggggggg


trang 4 years ago

My husband is a good person but his ex is terrible person.

they are divored 10 years.But when she is living with him she had pregnant with other man.And my husband look after her son as his son.She know about that then she always used her son to cotrol my husband.When she met me with my husband she is very nice person.But in his back she talked to me by evil's voice.She played many games to me and everybodies around me know that.But my husband -he didnt believe that she did that to me.Because he alsways think that she is very good person.And now she still asking money and suggest the presents but she still contact to the real father is her son and she had other husband now.I felt sick when I met her.


wow09 4 years ago

I deal with the same problems!


beyond stressed 4 years ago

I deal with this kinda stUff on a daily basis as well. I am actually going to see a counceller about it as it is consuming my life. I have a SS whom I adore, but I am starting to begrudge him as his mohter makes my life a living HELL. My husband feels guilty for not being there, when he has been there as we have the chikd 70% of the time. I am so frustrated...HELP


jez 4 years ago

wow. incredibly sad to see so many people experiencing a similar thing. i live in fear of the next time 'she' decides to blow up. i'm a fairly confident person but am utterly terrified and completely intimidated by this woman who is just 26 years old, 6 years my junior. my boyfriend is in the army and she threatens to contact his seargent, she threatens to contact social services and also those associated with the army. she refers to me in hideous ways, although i've never even met her. we are accused of lying all the time, she twists and contorts the truth which throws me since no matter about the details, i feel our lives are our personal lives and nothing to do with her. i recently had to go to hospital and as always at the end of my boyfriend's leave (when i look forward to sharing a few days alone with him) she called him to say the nanny was unavailable and he had to take his 5 yr old to school each day and pick him up and act like a chaufeur service as she wanted him brought home to her in the evenings. he explained he couldn't this week as he had to take someone into hospital. she screamed down the phone at him, if i find out in 45 minutes that you're lying i will make you pay for this. so i told him not to worry about my operation, to do what he had to do. to make it good with her and take her a bottle of wine to wish her a happy new year. he took it to her saying 'let's have a better 2012' and miracle of all miracles, apparently she even smiled! i went through my horrific ordeal alone. i am still recovering for another 4 weeks and my man of course is back at work and away for some weeks now. we have had some really nasty texts from my boyfriend's mother (she often uses her as the messenger of her nasty threats and accusations). this time, 'i know you were making a mockery by bringing me a bottle of wine, i am smarter than both of you put together and i know you were lying about taking someone to hospital'. i emailed my boyfriend's mother to set her straight about it being me in hospital and me that had the idea of wine and that it really was to try to make some kind of better relationship between us all. despite my having NEVER met her. well, not properly, she saw me in a shop once and marched up to me to say 'xx was lying again about being at work wasn't he, i knew it'???? i had no idea what she was referring to. again she was making accusations about things my man had never said. This is a small example of what i've experienced. the list is endless. she calls me up and screams nasty words down the phone at me. i would have her and my boyfriends mum for harassment but of course that will achieve nothing and i mustn't ever jeapardise the life of a mother of a child, let alone the mother of my boyfriends little boy. i am at the end now. i have little time with my man as it is, and anything left is always stolen by her with an excuse about twisted ankles, cancelled trains, being stuck in yorkshire, anything any time. my man has turned up at my house 140miles away before and had to leave later than night to go back and get his son on her whim. but she leaves him no choice and we always want what's best for the child of course. he was being deployed to afghanistan for 6 months once and he went to see his little boy (pre-arranged) for the last 2 hrs before going. he waited outside her house in the pouring rain for those 2hrs until he had to go and then called me up in a rushed panic to beg me to call her and say he did turn up and he did wait but they weren't there. it was absolutely heart wrenching. none of my business so i called her to give her the message and she just said, 'well you know how it is, some chorse ran over'. she must be very messed up to feel she needs this power trip. and i do feel for her. but i'm starting to lose the plot and feel as though my life is dictated by her and i have no control anymore. she stalks us on facebook, i've no idea how and reacts to photos and events we go to. she sees us out in town and apparently has walked up to my boyfriend and abused him and me verbally whilst i was in the bathroom. it's endless, it's terrifying and i wish it would stop but my hands are tied. i love my boyfriend and want him to grow a pair, but at the same time, it tears my heart apart that she will again stop him seeing his son. she has left it months before allowing him to see him. we've taken it through solicitors and then again, through magistrates. so it happens sometimes that we stand our own, but with the joy he has he needs to cheris any time she allows with him. i know i won't wait until he's 18 to know when i can and can't see my boyfriend due to the distance and his unprescedented having to drive a lot to get his son. i love my boyfriend so much and am sure he's the man i want to be with, but how crazy that it's starting to not feel that way any more because of her! all the best to all of you. terrible shame we are so many. if only these selfish girls could see what they are doing. i call it bad up-bringing through and through. keep smiling people


4 years ago

i came to this website as i was searching for online help. I feel envy that most of you have carried at least a child together with your husband despite the hassles created from his ex.

I am married for 1 year and 1 month now. It is only a short period, but a lot of things have been happened during this period, and i have never cried so much when i was single.

My husband has 2 children from his ex-marriage which he was divorced 11 years ago. I am envy that the ex who is manupulative, irresponsible, uneducated and ugly can have two beautiful and smart children whilst my husband does not want to have child anymore. First, he has got two children (1 boy and 1 girl); second, he doesnt want to go through the pain that he has been dealing with in the struggle with his ex.

His ex filed for a divorce whilst the boy aged 2 and the girl aged 1. Two years ago, she asked my husband to have the children to live with him as she thought her responsibility of having raised the kids for 10 years is over. She has gone even mad when she learnt that my husband would be re-married.

Although the daughter was like dog and cat with the ex as the ex has been scolding the daughter with nasty words, the daughter was brainwashed by the mother that the father no longer loves her since the father is re-married with another woman and took side to the mother.

While the kids lived with us, the ex had been treatening such as she would kill all of them, burn our house. Although the kids know the character of the mother, they ended up chose to take side of the mother especially when the mother was demanded by the Police/Court to stay in mental hospital for two weeks as she was attacking my husband with dining knives in a restaurant and wanted to kill herself when she was challenged by the son that she had not been taking good care of them and instead she had been using the monthly child-support money paid by the father to buy more properties for herself instead of spending on them.

It hurts me that even though i have been taking care of the kids with care and love, and the kids do know the mother´s character, the kids had been coming back with the mother to our house and took things away from our house when the father was away.

In the beginning when i moved over and got married, the mother thanked me through calling our house for having been taking good care of the children. Later, when she felt that she might lose her children over times, she put the image of an "evil step-mother" on her children. I did explainedto the eldest son once that i do not have the intention of being their step-mother although i have married to their father and their mother is forever their mother, i prefer them to see me as a friend.

Unavoidably, I am also angry with my husband although i do sympathize him over the pain and struggles he has been going through for having made a mistake of marrying such lady and indeed letting her to give birth of two children together with him. I am angry with my husband how could he be so stupid although he said he was young at that time - 28 years old which in my opinion is already an adult. I am also angry with my husband that he preferred to let each of the children to hold our house-keys when they lived with us, as my husband believed it would be a form of mutual trust in between us and the children, and also let the children felt that our house is their home. I am angry with my husband as he did not see that letting the children to hold our house-keys had allowed the children to come back to our house with the mother and took things from our house when the father was away for business trips since the children would eventually submitted to the mother´s pressure.

I am also angry with my husband that he has allowed his ex-wife to have two beautiful and smart children of him, but he does not want to have children anymore.

When i told my husband it is not fair for me, my husband couldnt take it as he thinks it is unfair to him as well. Before we got married, we spoke about our thinking over having children. At that time, it was me who did not want to have own children as in my opinion, having children is a life-time commitment; whilst my husband said he did not want to have children for the moment, but he might want to have in the future.

However, my feeling changed by itself soon when we are married. Sometimes i would imagine it would be nice to have our children together although i still see raising a kid would limit our freedom as well. My husband does not allow me having such illusion. He said i better get rid of that imagination from my mind.

Thus, overtimes, i chose to swallow my bitterness as voicing out would only lead to quarrels.

My health now is affected due to accummulated emotions.

Till now, i see my husband is my soulmate and i am very gladful i am able to have married to such a decent and trustworthy man. However, i am living in pain that i didnt deal so much with before my marriage.

His two children have moved back to live with the mother for 5 months now as the mother pressured them to write emails to the Youth Council that they preferred to live with the mother.

I miss the two children as my husband and i rarely be able to see them nowadays. When they come back to visit my husband who is their father, i feel sad seeing them wearing smelly and sometimes worn-off clothes. I feel sad when i see those clothes my husband and i bought for them previously are mostly gone, as they had taken those things away.

Indeed, the ex has been issuing legal letters actively claiming for more money with the legal costs borne by the government as she claims she is not educated and she does not have income although she officially ownes 1 shop and 3 apartments under her name, and also few properties in her home country.

Although i sympathize the two kids for living in a separate family, i am bitter that they have chosen to go back to live with the mother and have been letting their mother to manipulate them to go against the father.

Indeed, my husband would always unavoidably put his children as first priority.

I am a master-degree holder. I had a good career before i get married. I dont have a job now as i have married to a man who is from and lives in a foreign land. I feel i have lost my own life, and instead only live in the life of my husband.

I feel my life is over. I tell my husband that i am very depressed and i sometimes would think of ways to committ suicide and to end my life especially when we quarreled and he left me on my own on the whole night. My husband said he does not know how to help me. He also cannot take it seeing me unhappy. He said he should support him knowing the huge stress that he has to deal with over his job, his ex-wife and his two children. I told him that i am not an angel, i am merely a human being who has emotions.


ms. ll 4 years ago

I believe you all know my husband's ex-wife. I saw her in so many of the comments posted. I really thought that I was alone on this. I am an ex-wife myself, so I thought that if I was a good one that if I was ever blessed enough to get another husband and he had an ex that she wouldn't be so crazy towards me. Boy,was I WRONG!!!!!!! Not only is the ex nasty to me but she talks trash about my kids and expects me to take care of hers. She calls (a lot) and says awful things while putting the kids on speaker. Too much to write but I really don't know what else to do at this point. I can totally relate to the lady who elt like she had spies in her home


DRAMATIC BABY MOMMA 4 years ago

I have the same issue!! My husbands ex is a psycho!! I didn't know what I was getting into, we both have kids from previous relations and now we both have a baby together. I just want to know what I can do to get her away from my husbands family..its been 2 years and she can't let go of him or his family. I don't understand why these girls just can't let go??!! I had nothing against her in the beginning but then she started talking about me, my family, and my fiance. His own family knows all the bad stuff she does to him and says about him and they still don't stop talking to her. She goes more to my in-laws house then I DO! The sad thing is that I genuinely try get along with my in-laws but they prefer her...they even invite her to family events before me.


keowa 4 years ago

i didnt ever get to read all of this because what you are going threw is so much like i am going threw and i dont really have anyone to talk to about it so i want to rant.

ive been with my bf for allmost 2 years now (we did break up for a few months but still lived together it was pretty much like we were still together)

anyways he has an almost 4 year old son. (i'll refere to him as Jr.)

my bf and i started dating right after she broke up with him (they were engaged for a few months, he thinks the only reason she went along with the engagement is cause that was the only way he would be ok with buying a house with her.) she had cheated on him a few times and he stayed there with her for the sake of his son. finaly after the last time he said that if she breaks up with him agin it will be for final.

about 2 weeks after they moved into the new house he was sleeping on the sofa again. then a week after that she broke up with him for one of his "old friends"

we worked together and he was shyish (he didnt like talking to girls cuz his now ex would give thim the 3rd degree) he would only talk to me if he had to about work, after he was put back on the sofa he started talking to me more and a few days after she broke up with him he invited me over to watch a movie. the next time he invited me over he let me meet his baby he was so cute, i was sitting on the sofa and Jr climed up right next to me and kept saying hi how are you (altho at the time i didnt really know what he was saying lol)

my bf ended up moving in with me and we got a house (rented) at first his ex was decent about everything, he said she wanted to talk to me and i decided it would be a good idea cuz if i ever had a kid i would want to know who he was around and be able to talk to them. the first few chats were alright we talked about work, hobbies religion. exc, it was after we got the house that she turned into a pshyco b**** she would text me crap about how they are going to get back together and she called me litteraly every horrid name she could think of. then she started keeping jr from my bf, texting me saying that he is a horibble father and is not going to see his son unless its court orderd exc. my bf didnt see his son for a few months cuz of her. and now that the court order joint custoy, he is supposed to get his son ever wednesday and thursday and every other weekend.

as of right now i dont think my bf has seen jr for about a month, i usualy leave when she drops him off to avoid drama and i havend had to leave for awhile. plus the only time she askes him if he wants to see jr is if she needs a babysitter. and thats how she refers to it. she will text him and say can you babysit this day... not do you want to see your son. exc.

my bf is ok with not fallowig the court papers cuz his new job he works night the days he is supposed to have his son and would sleep while he is awake. altho i keep telling him he should sstill fallow the papers cuz i can watch jr or his dad or brother or his friends, that way she cant screw him over and say that he is not following the court orderd and get him in trouble or cause him to loose joint.

wich gets me to the fact that she just got married (wich i am ok with lol cuz that means hopefully she wont try to get back with my bf.)and they just had a baby

part of the court orderd stuff is she is not to let jr think any other man is his father not to let him call them daddy exc. she has posted on her fb post involving her and jr and tagged her husband in it. when she postes stuff about her new baby and dose not tag him.

also she posted a pick the other day of jr readding her husband a story and it sayed "Jr readding daddy a story"

this is wrong on so maby levels it just makes me sooooo mad!!

and i guess jr almost broke his nose a month ago, an she just now told my bf about it, and she kinda snuck it in in a huge text of her complaining about me.

ugh idk i know that there is alot of stuff i didnt say, ikinda jumped around cuz there is sooo much she has done!


Lori 4 years ago

Hmmm...My husband's ex did the same thing and still does...she is so jealous...she will never be happy...all I have to say is...jealous is a sickness...get well soon bitch!!!!The kids involved in our case will never been the same!!!


cathy 4 years ago

I have read all of your comments and I am almost afraid to jump in because I am an Ex Wife. A woman who believes to be a loving and nurturing mother. Very gentle and kind hearted. I have been divorced for three years and I left my husband because he was domineering and controlling.

We do have a child together and remain in the same area and have split custody. There was always that anamosity between us but it seem to be better when we got back together for 8 months in a "no strings attached relationship". Communication was great. Spats were had but were soon forgotten. I held out hope that their may be a chance to pull our family back together even though there was that agreement. When I spoke of us having a chance he walked out never to come back again. In fact, I was very down at the time of discussion and he told me that I was no longer his problem. Two months later he entered into a new relationship with another woman. Even as the months went on from there he still communicated well. 8 months later, he had her move into his house, into his bedroom with him with no commitment. He would throw her in my face and push her into my life as much as possible. He told me that I would no longer be in charge of caring for my son after school as I have been doing since age 5, that his girlfriend would be in charge of this. I told him that my schedule would allow me to pick up my son and he had the nerve to tell me that he needed to discuss this with his girlfriend and get back to me!As the weeks continued, she would interfere with conversations and my ex husband allowed her to take my son places and care for my son while he was away without my consent. She even gave my son a video/game book which gave full description of war games including assassination, terrorism and blood shed. If I have that to my son, My ex would have turned me in but because it was his girlfriends, he just blew it off. It's hard not to be resentful. I do not want to be angry but I'm the mother not her. When I civally address my concerns about co parenting with my ex, he just disregards the issue at hand and talks and defends his girlfriend. It's sickening I have not even met her. She could have at least apologized for her mistake. The offer was on the table to meet her at one point but my ex wanted my son to be witness to it so that I would remain cival. Who puts a child in the middle like that? Every day has been a nightmare. Last week, at our drop off spot, he wanted to discuss two issues with me, his girlfriend taking my son on the following day off and how he wanted me to drop my son off at my house that weekend so he could take his girlfriend away on a mini trip. He knew it would upset me. He's mentally abusive and waited for me to anger. Turns out, at the end of the week, he told me that my son wouldn't be with me that next day as there was no trip.

I don't want to be the hated ex wife as I have read on here. I want to better understand this world of second wives so I can better deal and embrace it all in the future. My only concern is my son and I do want the best for him. Please be patient and understanding with me as I have been understanding of all of your posts. I do want the best for everyone.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Cathy,

I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from. The point of my post was not to "bash" ALL ex wives. I too am an ex as well as a step-mother. My post was only a way for me to vent my frustrations in my particular situation and to allow others with the same problems vent theirs. I honestly had no idea so many others had the same problems that I do. You are absolutely more than welcome to post your situation here. It's not just for new wives/girlfriends.

I'm sure some people have read my post and think that I think all ex wives are crazy and the husbands are totally innocent, but I know that it's a two-way street. No one is perfect and even though I've had problems with my husbands ex, I also know that he's not perfect. I'm sure there were situations where she was right and he was wrong about some things. The things that I wrote about are only what I have been around for and witnessed first hand. I didn't write anything that was a she said, he said situation. It's all things I have actually witnessed. I'm sure that his ex isn't always as bad as these situations have made her out to be. We all have bad days.

I must say that your ex sounds like someone you wouldn't want to be with if he's controlling and domineering. Sounds like you're better off without him. I know a lot of people out there look past the bad and try to work things out regardless of their own happiness, for the sake of the children. I honestly believe that people shouldn't be together "for the children." Kids know when a home isn't a loving one and having a child in a home that's not happy just to have both parents together is worse than having a split family that is happy. Happy parents who are split will make a happier child than parents who are miserable together. If you're unhappy, the child will be as well. You can try to hide the bad from the children, but they know. Kids know a lot more than we sometimes give them credit for.

I'm not sure how far you've gotten, if at all, with working arrangements out in court, but I would definitely go that route if you haven't yet. If you've both made the decision to co-parent and he's trying to call all the shots, you might want to have a 3rd party helping you to get your time in as well. Him calling all of the shots is NOT co-parenting. There is the option, before seeing a judge, to go to a mediator. If that doesn't work, I would go before a judge then the judge will decide what he/she thinks is best. I know it sucks having a stranger tell you how you're going to divide time and responsibility with your own child, but if you aren't getting anywhere on your own, it might be the best thing. If your ex doesn't abide by the court order, he will be found in contempt of the order and there would be consequences. But, that would also hold true for you as well.

If you do ever meet the new girlfriend and she is anything but nice to you, don't let it get to you too much. Just think back to all of the things that you don't like about your ex and all of the BS you've gone through with him and think to yourself that all of those things are going to be her problem now. Of course you will always have to deal with him to a point because you have a son together, but the rest of your life, your personal agenda and decisions are now yours and yours alone. To that extent, you are free.

Do you know if the girlfriend has any children of her own? If she doesn't, the video game scenario could just be that she really just didn't know any better. If she doesn't have kids of her own, she might not have seen the problem with the content because she doesn't have those motherly instinct of protection for a child. Or, she's just nervous and just wants your son to like her, so she gave him something that his parents normally wouldn't in order for your son to like her. It's tough to say, but it could be that it wasn't something that was done intentionally to upset you. It could have just been that she was ignorant to what she was doing. I don't believe you gave your sons age, so I don't know if she thought he was old enough to have such a thing or not. I agree, there should have been an apology from her though.

I have had situations with my ex's girlfriend where she would say things about me in her emails to me or blame me for things from my past that had to do with my relationship when my ex and I had still been together. Come to find out, she thought all of these horrible things about me because that's what my ex had told her. He had told her lies about me. Said that I had broken couples up and was a home-wrecker. When in fact the couple that I had allegedly broken up, he had slept with the girl while the couple was still together, not me. So, he could also be telling her lies about you. I'm not saying he is for sure, just that I had that happen to me. I do believe that she found out the truth on her own when she contacted the girl herself and had my side confirmed. I hope she then realized not to believe everything he said.

Just try to stay out of the "drama" the best you can if at all possible. Don't let the little things get to you. Ignore what you can. The only things that should really concern you are the things that have to do with your son. Everything else is probably just them trying to entertain themselves. The less you play into it and let it bother you, the more bored they'll get with it and cut back on it.

In your situation, it sounds like he might try to make you out to be the hated ex in his girlfriends eyes regardless. I would say just do your best to have as little to do with them as you can. Only communicate when it directly involves your son. He can say all he wants about you to his girlfriend but really, she only really KNOWS FOR SURE what she witnesses herself.

I wish I could be of more help. I'm not sure if I really was able to give you what you wanted; perspective from the "other side." Every situation is different.

I wish you the best of luck. Feel free to post again in the future. I would love to hear an update of whatever happens next. I hope it works out in your favor! :)


Lakesha 4 years ago

I have been with my husband for 13 years and only been married for one year. I have dealt with the drama of stupid women and i still do. Within the thirteen years I have watch my husband baby mamas send him to jail because he wouldn't do something for them. What make it so bad I was always the one that done everything when the kids needed this or that I went to the store or whatever. Keep in mind I have kids of my own and not once did the tramps come and help me.

My point is the husband or boyfriend whatever he maybe can put a stop to alot of the bs if he man up and stop pleasing those that are out to ruin their life.

Its okay for them to be happy but he can't be with his wife and kids. Its just as much blame on the men as it is the women for the simple fact, don't feed into the bs especially when you know it is duhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!


veronica 4 years ago

well,i'm in the exact situation and realized no matter what i do she will not leave us alone.....so we decided to stay away even phone conversation unlless it's an emergency,,,,, but everyone is wondering why i did't pop her face when she came to my door n started yelling....my toddler was present n did not want her or my step son to experience anything like that.besides i thought why lower my self but i had the opportunity when she was at my home n now regreting not doing anything to her ,, see if she gets it through her thick head to leave us alont maybe that'll stop her.....reality check,,,,,


Loving Mother 4 years ago

I am an EX girlfriend (not wife), and my ex and I share a little boy together. I am now married, and my ex has been with a new girlfriend for about a year now.

I really don't know her very well because I've only met her a handful of times, but I know that they live together. My ex and I do NOT get along what-so-ever. Honestly, I'm kind of glad the girlfriend is around because I don't think he could take care of my son by himself. The problem is that she gets WAY too much alone time with my son. She is the one always picking him up from daycare, and she is the one that is always dropping him off at daycare. I don't work and I can stay home with my son so he doesn't have to be at daycare so much, however his father refuses to let that happen. My son was sick and couldn't go to daycare while under his father's custody so I offered to take him for the day, but he refused and made his girlfriend take off of work to stay with him.

I'm glad she's there to help him, and I'm sure she's great with my son, but it is so worrisome to me that she is spending SO much one-on-one time with my son. The reason it worries me most is because my son is going to get very attached to her, and then his father will break up with her, and it's only going to hurt my son. Second of all, my son should be spending more time with his mother, not spending most of his time with his father's girlfriend. Also, it's the father's custody time, and he isn't using it. He's pawning off all of his parental responsibilities onto his girlfriend, when I could be using that time with my son.

I have no hatred toward his girlfriend at all. However, I'm sure she talks about me in the same way that you all talk about your boyfriend's ex as well. She doesn't know me at all. All she knows is what my ex has told her about me, which I'm sure, isn't pleasant.


Mary-Lee 4 years ago

I have read almost every posted comment and feel, here and there, it could be her, my boyfriend's ex. There is maybe nothing new in this post, but, like most of you, I neet a vent for this anger I am feeling right now.

I met my boyfriend I as he was still married. They had been together for 18 years, had a daughter (she is 20 now) and a wealthy life. But loves comes sometimes to an end. And so was it for them. When I first met him, I wasn't expecting anything. I was not looking for a married man in order to sneak into his life and be a marriage-breaker. I wasn't looking for anything.

He was 18 years older than me, we lived in different countries, he was married and I had break up with my boyfriend. He became a good friend. We emailed a lot. He wrote about beeing bored of his wife, about beeing just "roommates"... I'd tried to get him discuss it with his wife, but it didn't work. At this point I think she was also bored, but she couldn't speak it out loud.

We fell in love. We became lovers.It just happened. And we broke up after a year because he didn't want to be a cheater. He tried to make things up. It didn't work.

So we saw eachother in March, and in April he decided to leave her. We moved together in December, and that's when it went crazy.

I don't really know how to handle it. She "forces" him into "family dinners", won't go to mediation meetings, puts the daughter against him and lies about me, even though we never met. She tells him, the daughter (she is 20! and doesn't live with her) would still cry about their separation, she'd felt treatened because he forced to meet me (I haven't seen her yet), friends would be mocking about him having a younger girlfriend.....

I know, the stories you told here are worster than mine, but I feel I am seeing just the beginning of a war and it sucks! I have nothing against this woman, I do not want to hurt her in any way, but sometimes, when I see my boyfriend sitting in the corner with this really sad expression I just want to punch her for beeing so mean.

Is it my fault,it didn't work out for them as a couple? She had in for 20 years, why didn't she try then to find other ways to be next to him, if she was so in love with him? I'm so f*ing tired of beeing the bad one in this story... She should blame him and herself. There is no chance a third part causes a separation if they still love eachother.


SpecialkP 4 years ago

I am so glad to find this hub. I have been married for 25 days and his ex is on super bitch mode making life difficult. So frustrated and angry and only him to take it out on!!! Poor guy. I'm trying to be cool and not worry, not let it consume my thoughts but this woman actually was able to break us up once and I'm scared how much she will put us though . She is the most unreasonable person I have ever dealt with and really wish she would just find her own happiness and leave us to ours!


chickymomma 4 years ago

It's nice to hear the stories here that make me realize I'm not alone. I have been married for 6 yrs and have had times where I've felt like maybe it's not workable. I've thought maybe we were crazy to think we could bring this family together and all be happy. I hate the drama of it all and it sucks the life right out of me at times. I'm a little paranoid to say anything hear because what if someone who knows us sees this. We have a fairly unique situation so I'm worried about that. Thanks for all of your sharing though.


mommyof5 4 years ago

check out the golden uterous syndrom as well. i'm an ex wife with kids from a preious marriage and am nothing like the see you next tuesday I have to deal with. she seems to be bipolar, ok one moment but the moment I'm mentioned or seen she snaps. Get over it and move on! I'm not going anywhere.


jean 4 years ago

Nikki...my fiance's ex is exactly the same way...it is her way or the highway and if it does not benefit her then she will throw a tantrum...they are sociopaths...my ex and he were married 9 years and have three small children together and it was a rough break up....she has always been a problem for us and uses the kids as a pawn....she gets 75% of my fiance's paycheck and she does nothing all day but talk on her phone and sit on facebook and the kids have holes in their clothes but she is dressed to kill and drives around in a brand new Hummer ....she is unemployed and has a new boyfriend that she lives with and he is nasty to the kids and puts hot sauce on the 2 and three year olds tongues and verbally abuses all three children and punches holes in the walls and hits her in the face...she is only with the man because she has nowhere else to go and does not want to get a job or have to do anything, if she were happy with her boyfriend then she would not be bothering mine all the time..... but he has friends that work for children and youth so they would not help us when we reported it and threatened my fiance that he will be charged with mental abuse of his kids for lying!!!!....my fiance is filing for primary custody but i doubt he will get it because she is a very good manipulator and liar


liz 4 years ago

its exactly the same i felt today...the worst is she keep calling my husband in our intimate climax moment, just to say can you help me out my car battery and hows the trip being with the plan?...and my gosh..my husband cannot even say NO or resist answering her call because he doesnt want that his-ex wife will take away his children..im feed up !..i want to go back to the place where i belong...its so disgusting and annoying this kind of a woman...


Ashley 4 years ago

My bf's ex is something else. She has harassed me non stop now for 6 months!!.. She sent over 134 text messages to my phone and all of them were the most vulgar and rude things (not once did i respond in a bad way only to tell her to please stop 3 times) well i finally blocked her on my phone and she called me from her 6 year old daughters school and left me a voice mail. I called the school and informed them. Then she hacked into my bf's facebook and said a whole bunch of nasty stuff to his family and friends. She sent me a huge message on fb so i blocked my fb to everyone who isnt a friend. Then she got a guy friend to text me I blocked him, then they both emailed me and i blocked both of them on my email, then they both made ANOTHER email address and i had to block them again. She even send notes in her daughters school bag. She had sent an email to my bf saying she had sent him a picture considering what he has at home and she wanted to know why he didnt tell her he liked it (he had blocked her from just texting him but she could call). Along with the bundles of phone calls she would make (im talking 26 times in 4 minutes every 30 mintues to every hour ON A GOOD DAY) she would also harass my bf on his work email which had to be shut down and a new one made. Since he switched jobs she knew she could text him and she sent him a NAKED picture of herself!!! and said "LOL oops wrong person" YAAA RIGHT B***H we all know that she did that intentionally. She always brings me up in their fights NON STOP, I dont get why she is soooo obsessed with me. It has become alot and my bf and i relationship is hanging on a thread because this is becoming to much. She never ever stops its 24/7, she texts and calls non stop. I can see there are alot of cray ex's on here but sometimes i feel that i am dealing with the worst one. .... Oh one more thing shes 40 years old I just turned 25 a few days ago. I am supposed the immature stupid one but yet here is the 40 year old "mother" that refuses to stop.


jean 4 years ago

ashley, i went through the same thing with her harrassing us on fb and through text so we wen to the authorities and they warned her to either stop or she would be charged with harrassment and fined...she stopped to an extent after that with the fb bull crap...she needs to understand that just because she is bitter the law still applies to her


Amy 4 years ago

Nikki, thank you so much for posting this so many years ago. I think that this topic is going to become more and more common for people like you and I. I am in a very similar situation and I look at these blogs and posts every once in a while when I get extremely frustrated. It is so hard to keep ones sanity with all of these issues. In mine, the ex wife was an only child,raised to be extremely spoiled, and the one child they have together has been trained by her. We have severe parental alienation syndrome in our situation but cannot afford to keep fighting her legally. We have already won plenty of court battles with her but she couldn't care less about what any legal court orders tell her. She knows that we can't afford to go back to fight it anymore. I have good days, and bad. This is a bad one. She decided that yesterday she would inform my husband that she has blocked his emails and that she will no longer receive any from him. (Even though this was the court ordered form of communication for them regarding plans for their son) She said that she will only communicate via phone conversations, no texting. Obviously this is because she wants no "paper trails". Ugh!!! I dont know how long I can deal with this.


Cynthia 4 years ago

I studied up on personality Narcissistic syndrome, hired a lawyer and was going to sue my husbands ex wife for child abuse and guess what..she settled because these crazy women can't see their shame and she didn't want to go to court. We are rid of her forever with a savings and $75,000!!!


acase 4 years ago

ashley,

you need to save every single bit of the harassment and naked pictures. If you ever in end up in court with her that will be great evidence to get a fair deal!


Cynthia 4 years ago

These women use their children to get narcissistic attention. It can be fought but you have to be brave and educate your self about their personality disorder. Whatever you do, don't be like them and play the victim game. So fight for the truth. I did and won big time. My husbands ex- wife who used their 3 children for manipulation and abuse settled because we where going to sue her for child abuse. Print this because people have to know that these women can be challenge in the court system (its called setting boundaries)! Good luck to every one.


AtWitsEnd 4 years ago

There is so much to read and I hope each one of you along with me find the answer to our problems.

My situation of course deals with the crazy ex wife 2 step children and my husband (of 9 years). I have always attempted to be the "level headed one" helping the kids with anything they needed being their friend even went as far as being the xwifes friend. BIG mistake. She decided that was a way back into my husbands life and he obviously didn't mind. So many things have happened to me ranging from being cheated on to stepchildren posting facebook comments about me that aren't true lieing to their mom saying I walk around the house naked(fyi I have 2 kids with my husband and I don't even get naked in front of him!) then the stepkids saying they along with their mom have planned for years to break me and my husband up and they won't stop until its done. Well I had enough because my husband says "they are just kids" well I have been in their lives for 13 years now(they are 15 and 14) and it only gets worse. Recently the stepkids went to church and before we got there told the congregation that we were getting divorced!!! Cant just blame the kids because the x fuels the fire and lies to them and their dad(my husband) doesnt know where my anger is coming from and continues to talk bad about me in front of his kids, then says he's sorry and only wants me but when i finally said his girls are not welcome here anymore he brings them anyway so he doesn't have to fight with his x wife but continues to let them disrespect me in my house. I dont think anyone out there has the answer for me and we may all have to find the answer within ourselves. I want out he obviously loves them more than me and must still want part of his old life back with his x but after 10 years, 2 kids, a house etc etc together it is hard to get out. Financially and emotionally. I don't know what to do anymore.


Mea 4 years ago

So I'm not alone, But I bet I'm the only one loosen my mind behind this s***! Because the court system and lieing, manipulating bitches that use children as there hussle because they can't find there own! When I first walked in the picture my man was a single father raising 2 boys. And a teenage girl who was not biologically his belonged to the ex. The mother had been m.I.a. for 2 years in and out the picture trying to pursue her law career on becoming a lawyer while studying psychology and didn't know the b**** was going to practice on me! Obviously she didn't make it and her man was taken whom made $???,000.00 A year with A1 benefits. No I didn't know this in the beginning on our first couple dates he drove his beat up truck. I had already become whipped before he took me to his home. But let's talk about me and what's she's put me through which is nothing compared to what he has and still is suffering cause I'm ready to Rae Carruth this H**! But never let an idiot drag you down to there level and beat you with experience...Now here comes the move in and where all hell began. #1 She tried taking the kids away involving the police but Failed, constantly disrespect our home while I was working, by kicking, screaming and banging on our door. I had told myself there's a woman out there for every woman who think she can't be beat the first opportunity I had I slapped her up a few times didn't want to hurt her just show her who she's f****** with which didn't make me feel good cause kids are involved but I had to do it for my respect. She called police and tried to get a restraining order but failed. #2 A Month later followed behind my vehicle then threw a bottle at my windshield while sticking out her tongue.smh. Silly B**** Trix R for kids! I couldn't stop the blackout produced the s*** became personal and I Hit her car. And again no I do not agree with my actions, I just don't call the police. But she did. Wtf! How could a person start the shit then call the police? But failed, I didn't go to jail Physically she left me alone. This is only a sample. Everyday something new she was just granted 45percent of his monthly wages while I'm on unemployment. We had already had our own personal problems draining us while I'm type 1 diabetic insulin 4xdaily, hospitalized due to stress. This relationship has lost its breath... We can't even hold a conversation w/ arguing while sleeping in different rms. The easiest thing to do is leave so do I stay? I'm 28 years old.


Ashley 4 years ago

Everything on my part is saved! I have everything saved since day one. She honestly 100% thinks that the court will sympathize with her, and that they will only see her side. She said because she sent a text after saying "LOL oops wrong person" we will have no grounds to charge her cause we cant prove she did it on purpose.

AtWitsEnd - I hope you can find it in your heart soon to see what the right thing to do is. No one deserves to be treated the way you are or to feel the way you expressed. I feel great sympathy for you and wish you the best.

Mea - I know the feeling of wanting to leave all to well, but in the end you need to do what you feel is RIGHT for you to be happy in the long run. ( I know easier said then done right?). I have wanted to throw in the towel so many times, however I know that if I do then I am giving the ex exactly what she has always wanted and in the end she really will win. My bf and I used to get into sooo many fights because of her and we hit a point where we needed to try really hard not to fight and to try being there for one another instead. Its great that you admit that you responding to her was wrong but you gotta remember she loves when you give her a reaction. I know its hard to control yourself when your that amped up, as I myself have 3 times slipped and made the ex cry just by a good yelling on the phone. Then I realized that when I did that she was happy she got a reaction in the end and would try to find new things to get another rise out of me so she could try to go to the cops. Personally if I was you next time she is following behind you and she is really close, slam on your breaks so hard and let her rear end you. Good luck and If you guys really love each other you 2 will come out of this even stronger knowing you survived the ex.


DeannaKeenan profile image

DeannaKeenan 4 years ago from Malvern, Arkansas

Wow Mea! I have also gotten physical with my hubby exwife. I do so wish I had not now, but whats done is done. It's not very lady like. I tell myself now that SHE is their Mom, NOT ME! It sucks, but it's the truth. If she wants to make a total idiot out of herself by raising heck, then so be it...it's not my place to do anything about it. My job is to just enjoy my hubby & these fabulous kids. The road has been so rocky though getting to this point, & I hope that with my new outlook things will get better & better.

To the ex-wives on here...I am one of those too, so I know why you're here. I pride myself on NOT being like my hubbys ex. I get along with EVERYONE on the planet, but his ex just hated me from the moment she met me. She admits that. I have read several books, & I keep reading that we are hardwired to dislike our hubbys ex as well as they are hardwired to hate the new wife. I can sort of understand that. There is another woman taking our place with our kids & with our ex. You feel like you cant be replaced, & seriously with your kids...you CANT! No matter what ladies, these kids ARE going to side with their Mom in the end. I did when I was a kid too...no matter if she was as wrong as she could possibly me...she was my MOM! So, unfortunately...as a stepmom, you have to have the courage to step aside & let that devil woman be their Mom & you just be there for the kids when you can & ignore whatever frustrates you...because YOU are NOT the one responsible. This is between your hubby & his ex. If they wanna fuss & argue, just let them have at it...but whatever you do, STAY out of it! It's NOT your battle! Your job is to LOVE & ENJOY the kids & YOUR hubby! That's it! That's all you can control! So, love them with all your might, enjoy every second with them, & let them feel just how much you care. One day, they will look back & see what all you did for them. I was also a child of divorce, so trust me on this one! You will earn more respect from these children by staying off the battlegrounds.


Sindy 4 years ago

Yes i am going throught the same thing.. long story short.. i have an ex but i have always left him and his girlfrind alone.. well now i am married to my husband and his ex has never left him alone..i feel that she wont ever stop.. he pays his child support and gets him every ohter weekend..well she just needs to leave him alone and look at herself.. she had 3 kids with 3 baby daddys all within a year apart.ughhhhh I hate her!!!


Ex wife 4 years ago

She obviously still loves him. I'm going through a divorce and the thought of my husband re married makes me crazy. I definitely relate to the ex. She obviously needs help. Sounds like your husband and his ex need some closure on the marriage.


itsnevertoolate 4 years ago

mia.

run for the hills. your life and happiness is not worth all that drama. its never going to end. she will always be there.


Ella 4 years ago

It is good to read all this because it sounds so awful and you can't say to anyone in real life that y you hate her. But I do hate her. I think accepting that the texts and emails and histrionics will carry on is half the battle. It is how you react that can change. Not giving her unwelcome space in my head is what I try to do. She no longer emails me now as I blocked her but he gets it daily. For many years his children have made it clear they do not want anything to do with him and support mum. He is so sad about this. We tried getting on in the beginning but although she was nice to my face she wrote hateful things bout me in emails to him - get rid of her and thn you can see your kids etc and she wrote hateful things about him to me. Divide and conquer. It didn't work as we still love each other to bits. She sends him texts at midnight saying things like she dreamed he was in her bed. I think she wants to hurt me as much as possible. I can't work out if this is it or if she still loves him - she sends so many messages and texts she must be obsessed. I know it is wrong but I have deleted several messages before he gets them as we use same computer. Damage limitation is how I see it. He rarely replies anyway but they still hurt. His now adult children have been turned against him. They are missing so much from their wonderful Dad. All she is doing is hurting er own children but she cannot see it. Apparently the oldest said please dont leave us with her. He did leave and I guess they are so cross about their parents relationship ending they cannot forgive him. Good luck to everyone here - god knows we are gonna need it! I too am an ex wife and have three sons from that marriage of 25 years. It works as well as it can. I leave him and his new partner alone. I buy a Xmas pres from the boys for her and that's it. I have met her once and she is clearly kind to my children and makes my ex happy so that's ok. I cannot understand why the happy shopper ( like many here she too likes labels) can't leave us alone :-(


Trish 4 years ago

I'm not sure if the comments here make me feel better or worse. My husband was raising his kid practically on his own for five years before we got married. His ex hated how involved I was in his kid's life and resented me for it. She didn't pay child support and threatened to accuse him of abuse every time he took her to court to collect. She finally figured out that she could get him to pay her child support instead of the other way around if she had custody. The only time she actually kept her word was when she had charges of abuse (assault) brought against him. So it didn't seem like she was doing it for her personal gain, she convinced the kid to accuse him of the abuse. Even without evidence he was found guilty. Luckily in our state the first offense is given community service. Any subsequent accusations undoubtedly would've gotten jailtime.


MSH 4 years ago

OMG I feel for you I am a built in babysitter lmao my husband has 1 son with this woman and paid $80 child support every week if we were even an hour late giving it to her she was on the phone callin us get this though Stepson has lived with us for 3 years and she never helped out with anything for him not a penny from her she never called to check on him she would see him maybe once a month if she wasn't to busy at the bars now he's been living back with her for less than a month and he gets off the bus at our house I watch him till she picks him up sometime after 5 or calls to say he's gotta stay here and if I have to work I have to pay the babysitter because she won't she 100% refused when she picked him up and was told it how much it was she said I'll let them know ! WTF she only wants him when it's convenient to her ! she gets him lets him get out of control sends him back to us to get him back acting like a human ! I swear I'm through being the babysitter all the time


strongforthefamily 4 years ago

Look, I am not advocating crazy, vindictive behaviour, but I am asking folks to look at the other side. I see that several of these posts involve very young children and new marriages. Doing the math, it looks like several of these guys didn't waste any time getting a new hook-up. As for exes, not everyone can move beyond the hurt of losing a man that fathered their children and was to them the same source of comfort and warmth and hope for the future that you now experience with him. The hurt runs deep. Sadly, some of the ladies here are going to be in exactly the same boat some day. It's true, the honeymoon doesn't last forever and some guys just can't stay put for too long. I wonder how many marriages were ruined by men that were suddenly bored and looking for something new and exciting rather than working on the situation they were in for the sake of the children. How many men just threw in the towel for some pretty little thing because of a midlife crisis? Stop cutting up the exes and start checking out the motivation of your husband at the time of your getting together. It would answer many questions if you wear the other shoe for a moment. Sure it's a free world but the cost of freedom comes at a high price when it comes to the children being schlepped back and forth...and the addition of women that sweep in to play mommy and sex kitten. Try that on for size and see if you don't get a bit sick inside when you hear of an engagement or a baby on the way. Marriage counselling does work if both parties are willing. You surely would want to go that route if things between you and your new husband went sour, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you want to salvage things if you could? Unfortunately, some of the original marriages didn't have a chance to try reconciliation because there was a distraction already in place... yes some of you were instrumental in that whether you want to admit it or not. It's all about convenience and freedom - but not so for the kids.


tired of her shit 4 years ago

I swear you must be dealing with the same ex that we are. Personally I don't think my husband has taken enough action against the spoiled selfish bitch. I just hold on to the thought that one day "hopefully soon" that it will turn around and she'll get hers.


acase 4 years ago

i posted a few months ago..since then we've taken the baby mama to court and the papers are almost signed so here's hoping!!!

now that this huge problem that has been consuming our lives is gone, it feels like our relationship just isn't the same...

anyone else dealt with this??


MissDBeech 4 years ago

OMG! This is my boyfriend's ex down to the freakin letter! THE PFA, the police escorts, the drama, drama, drama! I have whiplash from turning the other cheek so much!


Kristina 4 years ago

I guess it's nice to know im not the only woman going threw all of this! My husbands ex-wife uses their little boy to get whatever she wants and keeps his son from him for months at a time. Her and her mom have harassed us since the day me and my husband got together. I've been threatened, cussed up and down, called every name in the book, and had my vehicle vandalized TWICE! This has been going on for 3 years! Please someone tell me it will stop eventually... It's hard because if you do what she says she still makes things hard on us but if i get tired of it and say something all hell breaks loose. It makes me sick that the only person really getting hurt is their son, because she wont let us see him unless she doesnt want it, and wont let us talk to him on the phone and when we do he cries wanting to see us and it breaks our heart because we've done everything we possibly can.


rita 4 years ago

my fiance was married for 9 years to his ex and tehy have three kids together....she is extremely bitter over the whole situation.....she has primary custody of kids because he works and she does nothing at all....she now has a boyfriend (that she is using for his money and luxury vehicle) and they have moved three times and the oldest son who is 6 has been pulled out of school and put into other districs 3 times in the last year , the kid is devestated and does not want to be with his mother and cries to come live with us.....the children have giant holes in thier clothes, they are afraid of her boyfriend, and he physically punishes the 2 and 3 year old......we went to children and youth but her boyfriend knew someone that worked for them and the case was closed......the oldest son told us that he beats the mother in fornt of him and punches holes in the walls and verbally abuses all of them, and the oldest son (6) has to babysit the youngest two ........my fiances ex has major mental problems and is prescribed to xanax and haldol but does not take her meds but she is such a good manipulator and liar that she continuously gets away with everything...he takes her to court but he is running out of money to pay his lawyer....our greatest fear is that something bad is going to happen to one of the kids...we are so lost and need advice


needadvice1981 profile image

needadvice1981 4 years ago

I'm so sorry to read all of these posts but at the same time I feel like I have you all to relate to. It's very unfortunate that there are people in this world like the ex's we are speaking of.

I also feel like my boyfriend's ex will never go away. Now that I'm expecting she's getting even worse by telling my boyfriend that his son feels slighted by my boyfriend's "new life". She clearly is sick and needs help but will not get it. I'm afraid that my step-son will resent me because of how his Mother may or may not tell him to feel. At the same time I also fear him resenting her because f her actions. There is no relationship like a Mother and Son. If she's not telling him the terrible things that she is communicating to my boyfriend then her son must feel her anger towards me. She left them (my boyfriend and their son) in 2008 for her own selfish needs. Now she is claiming to be looking out for his best interests? I wish she would just focus on her life and her 3rd fiancé.

She is engaged to a man that has a son that is the exact same age as her son. Her fiancés son's Mother died. Where something like this would be devastating to my step-son, I often am very envious that she doesn't have to deal with an ex.


4 years ago

Well, I was with a guy who had an ex wife and it was a total pain. She owuld call him all hours of the day and night and remind him of their good old times.I got sick of it and told him it was disrespectful to me. I found out that he was staying at her house when he went to visit his mom and he became my ex. Now he expects his new wife to take care of my child. She graduated from high school when my son was born. Every other word on her FB page was f**k. She also contacted my ex's other kids and said bad things when she was mad at him. She was a mess and I didn't trust other one of them with my child. It really changed my perspective.


BlueWonder29 4 years ago

I seriously hate my husbands ex baby mama. Now that we got married it seems like she has gotten worse. Theyve been split up for 14 years! She just had a baby, (she has kids so she doesnt have to work; then doesnt even take care of them; example: 12 year old son has to wake up younger sisters and get them ready for school, leave for school himself and the little girls 6 and 8 go to bus stop alone!!!! She thinks she is "rich" she lives with her boyfriend of 13 years he works 10-12 hour days comes home cooks dinner then gets up with newborn. She think she is entitled to everything. Sits on fb or yahoo games all day. She gets child support, and after the birth of her last baby, she called the other night it needs to go up for their child together. They just had a modification. She took the child out of state, is supposed to pay for half of the airfare, which she doesnt. Owes money to hubby for over payment which she hasnt paid, supposed to pay for half of extra curicular activities, which she doesnt. She gets some type of assistance for their son, as he had to be taken off our health insurance she cant afford the co pays. Yet shes had 2 babies since then. Poor son comes here and cries about how awful it is having to take care of his siblings and maintain his grades, which he is failing. And all his clothes are too small. I asked him about it; and he said she told me i was ungrateful for asking for new clothes. MY GOD THE CHILD HAS GROWTH SPURTS. Im so sick of her calling and demanding things. Yet she knows she gets her way. Everyone around her cant stand her but they give in to her. I cant wait for the day we dont have to hear her screaming whining voice. she doesnt talk she screams! Then she gets on sons fb and looks at our fb to see what we are up too, and if we wrote something she always finds something to call and itch about. Therefore putting us into a mood. Ive learned to block the son from som status' i dont want to; i love him as well as much as my own. I just dont know how much i can take of this; and when we go to visit she follows us like a lost puppy. My husband hates talking to her he avoids her at all costs, but hes going to do right by his son. Then she will belittle him as a father when shes the one who fled the state! Im so sick of the manipulation. Im not stupid i know the game, and thats what she doesnt understand. She always screams for money.


LifeIsTooShort 4 years ago

I have 2 daughters with my ex who is remarried. I appreciate their new stepmom, because he never took good care of the kids. The women have to do it, either in cooperation or not, when the wonderful men we love/loved do not support and do what good men should.

I have been living with my boyfriend, who is not divorced yet, for 5 years. He has a son with his ex, who is an alcoholic and far worse than a Narcissist is BPD, undiagnosed or treated because her family is rich and it would embarrass the family name. (Like she doesn't shame & disgust with her awful psycho behavior anyway - I really fail to see how they have achieved saving face...)

Anyway, she has his 6 year old son, and has her claws in him si deeply I have come to despair of a future with him. He is constantly demoralized, depressed, overwhelmed.

Ladies. I can only say that the reason we are posting here is because we have made a choice: to carry the burdens of men who are not, whatever the Excuse may be, dealing with their business. This is the first mistake. Do not get married to a man who has not cut the strings. If he can be manipulated, whether it be thru threats regarding the kids or by pressure from friends and family who has been recruited to war against you, no matter what the ex's mental issues are, it is going to chew you up and spit you out only when the sweet taste of your suffering is replaced by something tastier.

The social/moral expectation that this is an acceptable "norm" that we must just bear up and live with is Not True. We each make choice to be with men who split their loyalties in the name of children. They act as though they don't have any other choice.

We all do. And the fact is, kids are smart. They may be poisoned for a time, but they grow up and assess and make up their own minds. Kids are more open-minded than adults give them credit for. I was when I was a kid. And so are my own kids. So they are fine, and will be fine the vast majority of the time.

What is not fine or ok is that the minute you get into a relationship with a man who continues to service the needs of his ex, it doesn't matter whether he is divorced on paper or not. You are essentially in a polygamous family situation, where you are the favored wife for his physical needs and she is the bitter, angry first wife who calls all the shots.

I am currently waiting for a decision in the form of both words and actions on the part of my boyfriend. It is easy to give them no ultimatums because we don't really want to lose them. But if she remains the driver of everyone's activities and decisions in life, then you never really had him and never will. I'm not waiting another 5 years to find out where he stands.

Actually, it's already plain to see, but I harbor a last shred of hope he'll choose me. When he does, she'll go berserk-which she does anyway so why is that a deciding factor? If not, I'll cry, wash my face, then move to a nice peaceful place with no phone - alone. And tend to my own potatoes.

Life is short. Choose how you invest your time carefully. Measure the return on investment, and most of all the impact on your health. If you want him that bad, and are that masochistic, go ahead and be the martyr. We all have a choice.


The Ex 4 years ago

I don't mean to offend anyone with this post, but as an ex wife, left to raise 4 kids alone after a seemingly perfect 12-year marriage, I have a different perspective and resent the notion that all exes are "bitches." my ex husband & I got together in undergrad sophomore year, got engaged, I got pregnant, & a mth b4 our 1st daughter was born we got married.

Times were hard with us both being ft students & he was a bit closer to graduating than I was, so we mutually agreed that I would work full time & raise our daughter until he graduated , then I would return to undergrad when we moved for him to go to medical school. Along the way, I got pregnant again even tho I was on birth control twice per day due to irregular cycles. He was bogged down with med school so I had to keep working to help ends meet as he relied on student loans & help from his dad only. We decided I would finish undergrad, then go to med school after he finished his residency training.

2 more kids came along the way, & I worked a govt job, a pt job, & ran a home biz to support our fam so he could finish all medical training, including an extra 2 years of unplanned specialized training. As soon as he moved us out of state to work his 1st job as a surgeon, he leased a 425k home for us then decide he said he no longer wanted to b a husband or father bc he felt we got married too young, & that he knows he's going to hell but he's in love with a nurse. He became physically abusive w me n front of our kids, withdrawn from me & the kids, but didnt want me to leave. He became an alcoholic, started using drugs, joined a fraternity & started flaunting his mistress in front of me & the kids. When he finally agreed to leave, he wud come back at will, force himself on me sexually, & have fits of depression & rage, saying he was gonna kill himself. He took my daughters bottle of anti depressants right n front if her & said he would never see them again, causing her to scream uncontrollably. I tried to get him help but he refused. Eventually I had to file a domestic violence restraining order against him bc he was kicking my doors in & the kids & I were scared to go to sleep.

When he moved us & left, I was unemployed for the 1st time since we met, & was new in town so I had no friends or fam to turn to. I looked for employment but have 4 kids so couldn't afford daycare & after school care. He drained our bank accounts to wine & dine his girlfriends, & took them on elaborate vacations while me & the kids had no food. I had to file for child support.

After 2 years of mind manipulation of him possibly coming home, numerous live in gfs, & an extra baby with a different nurse, we finally got divorced. I won alimony but his lawyer was a lot better than mine bc I had no $, so I didn't get as much as I feel I shud have.

Over the past year he moved a new gf (an ex stripper) in his 2br apt knowing our custody orders said during his overnight visitation w r kids there can b no overnight stays w gfs. He had r kids pick out furniture for "their room" at his place & after 2 years of being voluntarily M.I.A. from their lives, they were excited that he wanted to begin spending time with them. Until 1 month later the current new gf moved in. He gave our kids' room to her kids, & took their clothes out & said they weren't allowed back n that room. My kids were devastated. Plus there could b no more overnights bc the gf moved in. He took them to cheap hotel rooms a few times, then gave up. I loved him dearly & still do, but was not willing to keep putting myself & kids n danger bc of his wreck less behavior. Somehow he always manages to pull himself together for work as he's an excellent surgeon. I just think he needs psych help but he refused. Since then he has bn forced by his job to enter rehab, & has bn more normal with his gf & her kids, treating them better than his own kids. He has resentment towards me bc I filed for support. I don't want him to take care of me my entire life, but seeing that he only wants the kids for 4 hours per week & usually cancel 2 of those hours, it's hard for me to get a ft job that pays enough for me to keep the kids at a fraction of the lifestyle they're accustomed to, and myself. The judge awarded me alimony that covers my bills until I finish school with not much left over. Child support is ok but not much.

He harrasses me by bringing the gf to my home to pick up the kids, wiping feces on my checks b4 mailing them, & balling them up. The gf helps, & has called me on differt occasions to accuse me of using him for his $, & saying I don't do a good job with my kids hair. (she's a hairdresser).

Have any of you thought about what may have driven the exes to b the bitches you think they r? Sure, your man presents himself to b great to you, that doesn't always mean he was great to his ex. He could be lying to you about the real reasons they broke up & usually men learn from their 1st marriages & want to do better rather than focusing that energy into repairing the marriage they already had.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Dear The Ex,

I feel for you, your situation sounds terrible. I hope things get better and work out for you. I just wanted to point out that at the beginning of my hub, I said, "First, I'd like to make it clear that I don't believe that all ex's are "crazy" or any other similar word for that matter. I am also an ex."

When you said that you resent the notion that all ex's are bitches, I'm confused as to what gave you the idea that that is what is being portrayed here. Was it in a comment left by another reader?

Blessings to you and your family.


Bonnie 4 years ago

I cant believe how many of us there are out there, im dealing with a manipulative woman (my hubs ex wife) and she is begginning to mess with the oldest daughters head BAD...all your stories help me realize that im not looney and that she is completly crazy, we have full costody and she see's them every other weekend but she cany handle them (being 2 girls 1 is 11 and 1 is 13) and they argure, duh they are siblings and she refuses to take them both at the same time because she cant handle them fighting...ugh what ever. so now she is taking the older girls hormonal moodswings into her own hands and feedign her full of bs....and this darlign girl is feeling awful because she thinks she needs to bend over backwards for her mom, and these feelings come from her mom messing with her head....now it "you have lived with your dad for 9 years now its time to come live with me" well any normal person knows that you dont say that to kids, its not right to put that on them, she has been crying and stressing over something no 13 year old should even be thinking about. breaks my heart to see her hurting and all i can see is her mom snickering to herself in a corner...ugh she is such a witch! thanks for liestening. hope everyone is getting all there issues startightened out or at least in control so we dont feel like our own marriage is falling apart beacuse of some crazy jealous ex!


Rucude 4 years ago

Whoaaaa ladies.... My wife's ex husband sounds like all the exes on hear. It is not just limited to ex-wives.


needadvice1981 profile image

needadvice1981 4 years ago

Dear The Ex,

My Mom is also an "ex" and was victim to my Father's behavior when my Brother and I were children. I understand that there are 2 sides to every story and it's not always the women. Unfortunately in my situation the woman happens to be the terrible person in the picture.

I too hope things get better for you.

Another reader made a very helpful and wise comment on one of my Hubs reading "Keep your chin up and remember that the best revenge is living a good life."

Living a happy life is the most important thing for you and your children as hard as it sometimes may be.

Take care and good luck.


cathy 4 years ago

Nikki,

Thank you for your site. It is a big help and support to many. Have a good week.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Thank you, Cathy!


Amber 4 years ago

OMG, This is unbelievable to know there are so many going through the same thing. The ex I deal with is crazy too. It started out with her being sooo nice, complementing me on how nice I was to my husband. She hoped we were happy etc.

She felt she could call him and just rattle on and on about whatever, unnecessary stuff. Another words she tried to used him to get anything she wanted more money or whatever it might be. That had to come to an end !! It all took a turn for the worse when her child support got reduced, yes I said reduced. All H*** broke out then and has only gotten worse in the past year. She has a love for "money" and high dollar clothes and felt WE should help support her needs. "WRONG" At one point she turned my husbands daughter (14) against him and we didn't see her for 5 months. The youngest (12) we went about 3 months without seeing her. Denying she had anything to do with any of it. Which we found out differently later from the youngest. She resently sent him an email I wish I could post, but better not...asking him for total forgivness in her failures and with that she can move on. REALLY!! she's been remarried for 10 years. Obviously she has moved on or she needs to get a life and get out of ours. She also talked about how she didn't think I was right for him and I wasn't going to treat him right. My words to her would be "just because YOU treated him like s**t doesn't mean I will" She has totally flipped her lid now that she found out we are looking to buy a house. She is so jealous of us it's unreal. She's the type that spends, spends, spends and doesn't pay her bills. Now I think her and her husband are at war due to that. There's no need to go into detail about all the events following up to her loosing it but One good thing about all of these is the girls have had enough of her crap....the girls want to come live with us now. Need I say more???? All her crap bit her in the seat of her pants !!!!!!!!!! GOD is good.


guest 4 years ago

I understand completely. My Husband is constantly being controlled by his ex, and she doesn't think about the children or what is best for them. she tells the children daddy doesn't want them any more (which is a massive lie as we both want them to live with us). She tells them she is going to move away and not tell daddy where they are, which makes them panic, and when they told us we had to spend 30 minuets reassuring them that mummy can't stop them from seeing us. she has a boyfriend that hurt his son by dragging him across the carpet when he was being a but naughty before bed time causing a big carpet burn on his shoulder, did she defend her son and stick up for him? no! because she is so selfish and warped. This on top of a billion other things she does, it makes me sick that in the society we live in, the courts or government can't seem to realise that sometimes kids are better off living with their fathers. It should be based on income, life style, parenting styles and all-in-all what the children want most and what will benefit them the most.


Emma 4 years ago

Wow what a long thread. This comment is for the woman who started the thread about her husbands ex wife being not a nice person. I notice u said ur 5 yrs together and have a 4 yr old together u werent long getting pregnant. Ur husband isnt ur husband at all when u think about it he was married and had kids with another woman despite their problems he like most couples end up drifting into someone else for a while but with ur quick pregnancy that all changed. So put urself it her shoes he has responsibility to her first. So what she didnt want to take her kids back the husband left them with u and ur pregnancy is his responsibility not hers. Shes entitled to have a life. Now ur thrashing her all over the net meanwhile ur husband/ her husband is in the middle he caused this mess. Leave his wife alone u have done enough already if he can move on so quick from her he can do it to u. Anything she has done is emotional so it doesnt matter. Why u couldnt have gone for a single man beats me. Hope kids will be ok in all this drama ur causing....


EVELYN 4 years ago

Wow my boyfriends ex wife is the same exact way..he has not seen his daughter since xmas day, she even spent $199 on an ipod for their 10 yr old daughter and then asked him foe money because she couldnt pay up on aloan she had smh. it has been 9 yrs and it looks like she still cant get over him and she does not have aboyfriend and has not have one since they got divorced.


Emily 4 years ago

It's nice to know that there are other women that go through this as you feel like sometimes your the only person in the world. I don't even talk to my friends about it don't want to sound like I want pitty from them, I am in a situation where my partner has 2 children in which we have full custody of as the mother has chosen drugs and men over her children. I gave up a good paying job in which I loved as this person the flesh and blood of her own children dumped them and turned to drugs and men and my partner has his own buisness so it worked out that it would be better for me to give up my job my life my money I have given up everything for this person so I can take care of her children don't get me wrong I love them and would not want it any other way but I sometimes get angry that I am the one left to fill her role. To add to my already complicated life my partner has another child to a lady that lives in the same town (this was after the first crazy ex left him) her friend later revealed that she had been trying to fall pregnant and was not on the pill and she didnt care who the father was my partner was crushed as he was not only looking after his 2 children already every second weekend and all holidays plus a child that his crazy ex had to someone else but know this other THING was having a child don't get me wrong it is not all her fault he is to blame too but what single girl sleeps around trying to fall pregnant not on the pill but as soon as she had the baby she was taking him to court for child support. So here we are paying child support out for a child to this girl plus taking care of his other 2 children full time with no child support from the kids mother and we are expecting our first child together in a month. I know I have made my partner out to sound like the biggest loser but there is so much more to the story that if I could write it I would. So this is my first child I have not been able to experience the excitement that most first time mothers feel to me I feel like its just like another child for my partner I have not got to experience the excitement of first time parenting and having a guy want to do everything for me or want to know how I am feeling or constantly touching my belly and getting excited as our life is so full on with his other children I have not been able to rest as I take care of the crazy ex's children while she is in emergency housing getting government benefits with no responsibilitys I feel like I am about to have a breakdown and I am starting to freak out on how I am going to do all this I feel like my life is s#it and I am so angry that this fuc#ing person is so selfish and brain dead that she wants nothing to do with her children or is not willing to get off her arse and clean her life up I find myself wondering how my life would be if I was with someone that had no strings attached a man that has no children a man that I was his only priority and it makes me upset. I know what you think but when we first got together I was aware he had children but they lived with their mother and she was not mentally unstable and we had them every second weekend and school holidays I was not aware of the other woman at this stage and how was I to know how much life could change because of this one selfish drugged up person or thing that does not deserve the title of a mother. Thank you I feel so much better just writing this down.


Jenine Jessica DiConti 4 years ago

What I am trying to figure out is who was the angry person at the onset of this situation. The best thing to do is diffuse and accept a situation. I understand you were hurting. It also could have been an etopic pregnancy but sometimes we must bring our children to the hospital with us in an emergency situation. I try to be a considerate and kind ex. Even that is sometimes misconstrued as manipulative. It appears to me that you were the one that ignited this fire. You were not satisfied and became upset because she couldn't help out due to plans which is why your husband took care of the children on his "off" day. I think your response with the "c" word was the match that lit the fire. It was not going to diffuse the situation. Your comment about he Au par (nanny) was irrelevant. She would need to have an Au Par if she wants to go to this bachelorette party. The kids were not in danger and that is her only concern. She was being honest and civil before you called her a "C". I would not liked to be called a vagina for saying "no". I suggest you put some thought into your words. Next time be more calm and reserved and accept all the information given to you even if you don't like it. Don't show anger or you will come out the bad person in this. The first one to display anger is the loser.

It is always better to be kind even if you don't feel like it. Your husband could have told his ex "Okay" sorry we bothered you. We will work this out somehow. Enjoy the party. At least that provokes thought. Suddenly an interested mother becomes concerned about where her kids might be taken. She is the one who opted out for a party and certainly would have no say about where the children are dropped of.


Ali 4 years ago

Nikki,

I am so glad to know that there are others out their dealing with a situation so similar to my own. Sometimes I honestly do not know how to deal, but knowing that I am not alone really helps.

Thanks!


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Dear Emma,

My HUSBAND had been divorced from his EX-WIFE for years before I met him. I may have gotten pregnant early into the relationship but he WAS SINGLE and had been so for some time. WE ARE MARRIED and have been for almost 4 years now. Somewhere along the line, you must have gotten your information mixed up. I am only assuming, but seems to me that maybe what you have accused me and my husband of, is probably what you have experienced in your own life. I could be wrong, but seems to me you're feeling very strongly about what you thought we did and it seems like your angry is stemming from your own personal feelings and issues.

I hope you are able to move forward from your own tragedies in life as I and a lot of them other women who have posted on this blog have and are trying to do.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Dear Jenine,

Thank you for your comment. I do see where you're coming from, however I feel I must let you know that I was not the one who ignited the fire. I know on these things we cannot always get out all of every situation as I would take so long to explain every detail that the typing would be constant and forever flowing. The ex was the one who had started the "battle" with her words. I had been nice and sitting on the sidelines never opening my mouth to her until that incident. Sure I could have continued with silence but there is only so much a person can take before they snap. I'm sure there was a point in your life at one time or another where you have snapped out of tiredness or some other sort of reason. I think everyone has reached a point like that in their lives at one time or another. I didn't call her that because she said no. I called her that after her constant rant of nasties.

Sure everyone deserves a break and a party sometimes but this is a multiple times a week thing for her. Now, without the au pair, she just leaves the oldest at home ALL OF THE TIME to watch the other ones so she can go party. She even leaves them home alone overnight so she can party, get drunk and sleep at her boyfriend's house. Every time we video chat with them, they're home alone and the oldest is "babysitting" her siblings.

Thank you again for your comment. I hope I shed a little more light on my point of view of the situation.


needadvice1981 profile image

needadvice1981 4 years ago

Dear Nikki,

I can relate to your situation but my boyfriend and I are not married. We have been together for 2 years and I am expecting. When my boyfriend and I met, he and his ex-wife had been divorced for 2 years. She was unfaithful twice and left everything behind. Her husband, at the time, and her son.

She has found a reason to be angry about almost everything that my boyfriend and I do. Last summer she was mad at us for going to a baseball game with friends. She lashed out at me verbally in a parking lot. The courts in the state that I live in wouldn't do anything and claimed that she was physically violent so I basically I had no case for harassment. She was clearly filling her son's head full of BS because the next 2 months with him was very difficult. It required us having to reprogram him when he would come home. The custody is supposed to split in half. We have him Saturday morning or afternoon, whenever she feels like dropping him off, no structure, all day Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday mornings before he goes to school. She picks him up Wednesday afternoon, Thursday afternoon, Friday afternoon and typically brings him home Saturday morning or early afternoon. I really would rather he stay at home with his Father and I 100% of the time. Anyway those 2-3 following months after her little melt down in a parking lot was very difficult. My step-son seemed to come around after some time went by but I continue to wonder what she fills his head with. Biologically he's going to believe his Mother. At that age why would a child look at either of his parents and think "you're crazy". They look to the parents for guidance and advice.

Now she is well aware that I am expecting. My step-son seems excited, or as excited as a 14 year old boy can get, about having a little brother coming soon. The ex continues with her games. Now she blaming my boyfriend for being irresponsible for getting my pregnant. Not that it's any of her business but we planned this. We are not married because almost every marriage I know has ended in divorce. We are happy and if marriage happens in our future, wonderful. I just don't want it right now. I love my boyfriend very much and his son as if he were my own. I just don't think I we need to be married to please her or anyone. She continues to point the finger and blame my boyfriend for being irresponsible? She is certainly not the poster child for RESPONSIBILITY. She cheated on her husband and family in the work place, lost her job, got another job, cheated again with a different man, left her family and moved in with the man that she cheated with. She advises my boyfriend that their son has taken a back seat to my boyfriends new life. That isn’t the truth at all.

I don't care if she thinks we are responsible or not. And I really don’t care what she thinks but I do care about what my step-son thinks. It’s very important that he form his own opinions of everything in his life. If she is telling how to feel or is pressuring him in any way to do, say or feel a way that she wants him to, that’s not right. I suspect that this is what is going on and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

Those who live in glass houses should NOT throw stones.

Nikki, thank you for sharing your stories. I hope to see more posts/comments from you. It's therapeutic to be able to relate to others that are going through similar experiences.

Thank you for the opportunity to vent.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Dear Needadvise1981,

You're welcome, and thank you for commenting. I'm glad my post is able to help people in some type of way. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Hope you're doing well.

Nikki


Chelsea 4 years ago

Dear Nikki,

Wow! It's so great to know that I'm not alone in this. My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for 4. He has 3 kids from his previous marriage (a son and 2 daughters) ages 10, 12, and 14. I have a 9 year old son from my previous marriage. Also we have a 2 year old daughter together. His ex-wife is an absolute nutcase! First of all, she got engaged only 3 months after their divorce was finalized. But get this: she got engaged TO HIS EX-BEST FRIEND! Look, I know that some people move on quicker than others and everyone is different, but 3 months and to his ex-best friend? Really?? She obviously didn't think about the fact that the kids were still trying to adjust to the life changes they'd just been through, and maybe seeing their mother with another man so soon would make things more emotionally difficult and confusing for them, especially since they were so young at the time. And to see their mother dating someone who used to be a close friend of their father's and who'd been around almost their whole lives, can you imagine how confusing that must have been for them? She was clearly only considering herself in this matter. Also my husband had already been betrayed enough by this guy in the past (hence them not being friends anymore...) and then she decided to marry him because apparently my husband's feelings didn't matter anymore since they were divorced. Also, I hate to assume, but her jumping into a relationship with this guy immediately after her marriage.ended, indicates to me that maybe there was something already going on previously between the two. Or, they were always secretly interested in each other and didn't waste any time once the opportunity arrived for them to be together. Anyway, she married the guy 3 months after the engagement which was only 6 months after the divorce.

I met my husband later that year and by then she had become even more of a hellish ex-wife to him. She was taking huge portions of his paychecks and just being a selfish, demanding b*tch. She wouldn't co-operate with him on anything, and everything had to be her way. Whenever my husband chose to do something his way, she would accuse him of being selfish and doing the "bare minimum" to help her out, when in fact he was doing more than enough to be a supportive, excellent father.

Things weren't instantly sour between her and I...she seemed okay at first. Of course I wasn't a huge fan of hers based on the things I'd heard about her, but she hadn't done anything wrong to me and there was no reason for me not to be polite, so I was. The first time we met she was actually quite pleasant, a little annoying but nothing bad. Despite things being a bit awkward, it wasn't terrible meeting her. Anyway, my husband and I had been dating for about 2 months when the drama between her and I started. Here's what started everything: One day my husband needed to pick something up from her house, something one of the kids had brought there but he needed it back (I can't remember what it was). He was called into work early that night so he asked me if I could get it. I felt a little awkward about it but I said I didn't mind. He called her to let her know I would be coming over. She was very pleasant when I arrived, and I just said a quick hello because I wasn't sure what else to say because I felt awkward, so while she was talkative and lively, I remained somewhat reserved and quiet. Then she told me I could step inside if I wanted to, while she went to get the item from the other room. I didnt see the point since she would be back in literally 10 seconds and it wasn't that cold out, so I just pretended I didn't hear her and looked down at my phone pretending to text. When she came back to the door she seemed insulted that I was stilling standing outside. Anyway, when I got home I didn't think things had gone badly...I was polite and so was she. WELL, then my husband called and told me there was an angry message from her on his phone. She said that I was rude to her and I'm stuck up, and she didn't appreciate my snotty attitude. I had done absolutely nothing wrong to her, and it was laughable to me that she would say that because there was no reason for her to be upset with me at all. But I decided to not let it bother me and I just told my husband that I'd rather not interact with her alone anymore. I didn't dislike her yet at this point, but I didn't understand what her problem was.

So about 2 weeks later, my husband and I attended a friend's surprise anniversary party. Well, guess who else was invited? Yep, my husband's ex-wife. Because the person who the party was being thrown for was a mutual friend of theirs, from when they were married. Anyway, we didn't really see much of her during the evening because there were so many people there. Then at the end of the evening my husband and I were walking to his car, and his ex was walking toward us (I didn't even notice her because my husband and I were chatting) all of the sudden I felt somebody side brush me quite hard, bumping right into my shoulder, as if trying to push me over. My husband and I had our arms linked so he felt the jolt too from my other side. I looked over to my left and saw that it was his ex who had bumped me. She continued walking past me with a proud smirk on her face. All I could think was "What the hell? What is her problem?" but I didn't say anything because I didn't see the point in starting more drama. I just snickered to myself at how ridiculous she was behaving. My husband wasn't even sure what to say, but he was appalled by her behavior. Since then she has made every effort to make me seem like the b*tch and make it seem like I'm the one who had a problem with her first, which is not the truth. I didn't dislike her until her pathetic attempt at trying to shove me, when I had done nothing to her! She is constantly accusing me of hating her (I don't HATE anybody), and she is constantly twisting my words around whenever I speak to her....trying to make it seem like I meant something offensive. I'm getting sick of being constantly refered to as snotty, arrogant, cold, mean, and everything else she says. In the past there have been times where we've tried to have civil discussions so that we can make things better, because the tension between us can sometimes stress the kids out, but it always turns into an argument. So I decided to stop trying to reason with her. I've come to the conclusion that she's crazy, and I try to avoid interacting with her whenever possible. Also that way she can't complain to my husband about what an "attitude problem" I apparently have. This has been going on for 5 years and seems never ending! It's just so childish and immature! She just can't seem to let go of arguments that have happened in the past and she's always bringing up things that happened years ago! I don't even know what her problem was to begin with. Anyway, sorry about this post being so long but I definitely needed to vent. Take care!


Samia 4 years ago

OMG I really thought that it was only me I'm serious thank God i found this Nikki stay strong as wives we took on so much and most of the time all an ex girlfriend have to do is use the kids (I do love the kids).. it really breaks my heart. God put the marriage together so he is on our side. an ex-girl-friend is like a bad smell


Anthony 4 years ago

Can a man post a comment?

Why is it that some women do this and can justify it in their heads as protecting the children? I have been researching PAS and believe all the research! “It is the most heinous form of child abuse" This form of abuse should carry a heavy penalty such as prison or permanent removal of the children and given to the "Targeted" parent. I believe that if it was a "CRIME" parents would not do this and divorce could be a little more civil.


Missy Mu 4 years ago

First of all, I'd like to say, thank you for putting that all out there. It is like reading my life story, and even though it's sort of 'revelling in others misery' it is still comforting to know that we aren't alone. My husband's ex is a psycho. He keeps a magnet on our fridge that says 'it's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho forever'. So true.

Thank you, again.


ASTEIN1062 4 years ago

I believe that this behavior in women can only be stopped when this act of child abuse becomes punishable by law. Therapists already think of PAS as the most brutal form of child abuse and will not stop till law makers make this punishable by loosing the children or jail time!

I am the "Targeted" parent and when we separated we sat down with all three children and told them that we loved them very much and that this was an issue between mom and dad and had nothing to do with them.

Shortly after I moved out she retained an attorney and filled for divorce. I was then issued an order of protection and subsequently arrested twice. The first time was going to her house to pick up equipment for a job!( She owned the company and I worked for her ) My helper got out of the truck and I sat in the truck in the street and this violated the "Stay Away" and the second was an email about visitation and I ended the email with " I hope you can stop hurting the three people we love the most and move on with your life and find happiness as I did" This violated the no contact outside the children and the business.

I have had to deal with CPS, Law guardians, substance and DV evaluations (I was not recommended for either) and I get to see my children only one hour a week in a supervised setting. To date there has not been one bit of evidence that was "Founded" and I was forced to fire my second divorce attorney as his lack of legal fighting has rendered me into a situation of temporary support that is just ridicules. I do not know anyone that can support more than $6K a month in support and maintenance.

The money aside I must understand why she is doing this and no one can stop her.


Bonnie 4 years ago

My husband and I have been married 28 years and just this weekend, we had a blow-up with my step-son involving the x-wife, his mother. Even before we got married, she issued an order of protection against me because she didn't want me in the car with my husband when he came to pick up his kids for weekends or during the week. She has pulled every stunt in the book, being gone when he came to pick up the kids for the weekend; not allowing the kids to go to school functions because their dad would be there to watch them; ruining the home that the owned together so when it was sold it was worth nearly nothing and on and on.

I have two children, he has two children and we ended up going to court and winning custody of his two boys. Our kids love each other. The hatred from her has never ceased, nor the hateful things she does, over all these years and we have just tried to ignore it. We now have grandchildren from my children.

The latest blow-up occurred because my step-son and his girlfriend took my grandson with them to shop for a new TV. We were happy, the grandson is troubled and a very good kid but got into drugs and his mom and my husband and I are all struggling trying to get him on the straight and narrow again. My husband told the stepson about it and made it clear we did not want the x-wife to know of our grandson's problems. He washes dishes where she works as a waitress and she is still very volatile and one never knows what she is capable of doing.

The step-son and his girlfriend of about 2 1/2 yrs came over the evening after they had been shopping. He began talking about their day and mentioned his mother asked my grandson why he was grounded and he told her. I was immediately angry, how could my step-son allow his mother in on my grandson's problems when we specifically asked him to keep this from her. He also had my grandson hookup her new TV and fix her garage door, then mentioned that my grandson told him that he doesn't like my daughter and her boyfriend going our drinking all the time, all in front of his mother or so I thought.

We were watching a TV program together so I waited until it was over and then I said that I never wanted my grandson and his mother together again and certainly never wanted my grandkids business discussed in front of her. He began to say how he could understand and respect how I felt and his girlfriend broke in to defend the xwife. I told her no, stay of our this, you don't know what she is capable of and I was getting angrier and angrier. She kept going and would not stop. I had to stand up and turn my back on her and she still wouldn't stop, she came after me. My husband told them it was time to leave and she kept yelling and me and I yelled back but nothing more than she should stay out of it and just be quiet.

My husband and I are going to see a family counselor now because we are in our 60's now and this kind of emotional roller coaster just has to stop. I think we have to set limits on all of our kids about what they do and he just doesn't know what to do. The step-son immediately wants his dad to leave me after 28 years of marriage and many many good times, but this is how his mother has poisoned his mind. It will never end unless my husband get help and figure out what we can do to end this black cloud over our marriage and family.

Would love to hear any support that anyone can offer. Thank you.


F.C.M. 4 years ago

I'M GLAD TO KNOW I'M NOT ALONE!! SO SORRY TO HEAR U WENT THROUGH ALL OF THAT! I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW SOME"MOMS" CAN BE SO SELFISH! I'M GOING THROUGH SOMETHING SIMILAR.. WE'VE HAD MY STEP SON FOR A YR AND MY HUSBAND CONTINUES TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT.. SHE EVEN HAD THE CHILD DECLARED DISABLED.. SINCE HE WAS ABOUT4! HE IS 12 NOW... AND WE DIDNT EVEN KNOW THIS. SHE WAS IN HOUSING, SHE GOT CHILD SUPPORT, SSI, WELFARE, AND THE CHILD NEVER HAD ANYTHING NEW.. EVERYTIME SHE WOULD BUY HIM SOMETHING IT WOULD BE FROM GARAGE SALES.. NEEDLESS TO SAY SSI IS GOING AFTER HER FOR FRAUD AND I HATE TO SAY THIS BUT SHE DESERVES WHATS COMING!


she is driving me to divorce 4 years ago

I understand. I am both the mother of children with step mom's and a step mom. I was a little upset at first, when my daughter started "hanging out" and "loving" her "other mom" BUT I also know that I am the only "MOM" she ever wants to be... JUST AS MY STEP DAUGHTER FEELS HER MOTHER IS. I mean, no matter how much better I feel I am as a parent, I can never replace her MOM. Unfortunately. I feel that this woman is the bane of my existence. I seriously feel like divorcing my husband because she keeps taking him to court. Doing more damage. Making shit up... It's EXHAUSTING! I can't take it. With my own 4 kids (one being a year old) and all this shit, I just want to END IT! It's too much!! I don't know how to deal with it. You can't argue the FACTS. Because these women are insane. I just want to end it. All. .... sometimes death seems the only option. But I can't even do that... I NEED to support my family. NOBODY ELSE CAN OR WILL! It's the suck.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Dear She is driving me to divorce,

Please DO NOT EVER consider death as an option. Don't let this win out over you. When you feel all is lost and you're at the very end of your rope, please think about your children; especially the 1 year old. Your children need their mom, not just for monetary support. Be strong for your children. Show them what a strong person you can be so that they can also become strong people. Your children will respect and look up to you so much when they see what you have, can, a will be able to overcome in your life.

I'm praying for you!


ASTEIN1062 4 years ago

The best way to get these people to stop is to always let them know you are happy and NOTHING they do can get you upset! When confronted with children's games you can only act as an adult and when those kids get old enough they will see the truth. Karma is the best revenge.


Laurel Caylor 4 years ago

Wow! Let me just say this hub, and comments makes me feel normal. My Husband's ex is a selfish monster as well. We are going on our 2nd year married, and our 3rd year together. She has been one giant ball of confusion. When we first got together we had a long distance relationship. I moved here to this area for him, un aware that this was the town they grew up in, they meaning him and the ex. The day I moved here, she showed up in the neighbor hood I was moving to. When confronted she lied, (as she does about everything!) said she was lost and had to turn around, yeah with my step daughter duking down in the front seat. Every week it was something. They share joint custody of their two kids, and I have full custody of my two. At first the schedule was dictated by her. It was hard on us and the kids, two days at our house, one day at moms, three days at our house, falling on EVERY weekend. Despite this, I came into the situation being nice. I would offer to help out if she needed, say hi when I saw her, wave if I passed her in the car. Then I realized that every week the kids or her needed something and he was constantly running over there. I finally pushed to get a more structured schedule, and eliminate his trips to her house. I don't think she liked this much. It meant she would have the kids every other weekend. The kids also bragged about how well I cooked, and did things. She is the type that has fake boobs, lots of make up, hair always done, huge jewelry, lacks intelegance and everything is baised on her and her outward appearance. That being said you would think the kids would be dressed well, and more put together. Not the case, at first everytime they showed up at out house the 8 year boy would be wearing 4t clothing, the girl totally miss matched, and everything we sent that fit, she would keep. This was the first small bits. We had announced we were getting married, and in public she would actually even act excited, and happy for us. Then she through a curve ball when I moved in, she tried to have the custody papers read that we could not sleep under the same roof with the children unless we were married. We ignored her plea, and he threw more money her way, that's all it was really about. She was so used to commanding attention from my husband she couldn't get it any more. So she began showing up to things dressed well, like a stripper. 50 degrees outside with strapless shirts on. My mother fell ill with cancer, and I had gained 29 lbs. and was traveling to and from 8 hrs every other week for 8 months. When my mother passed the ex did nothing to help out with her own children. Typical things like during baseball season, she wouldn't wash the boys uniform, she couldn't feed them before the games, and even on the days she had them wouldn't send a drink to practice or games. But no less she'd show up with Giant bling on and brand new clothing. Finally one after noon, she calls and ask me if we could grab the kids to get them to the ball field on time. I of course said yes, we did however have to re arrange to do so. That night she concocted some idea that my husband skipped her son's game to watch my son play. (Mind you we coached her daughter's team, and never missed any of the 4 kids games up to this point.) What she didn't know is he had to go home and work on something for work the next morning, that previously he would have had done if we hadn't done her a favor. My self I was at night school. She actually text and said, "oh so now you're not coming to your own son's game!" Needless to say her texting went on for 3 hours. This was typical of her tantrums. After a year of this sort of stuff, I had enough. I waited until I encountered her again, and let her have it!!! I informed her that she should be so bold to attack us when she had her facts wrong, as usual, and that he wasn't her husband and it was no longer exeptable for her to text him like that any more. She has sense stopped. Karma has played out in every way too. I dropped all my weight, and she's picked up 80 lbs. She has man after man around the kids, and can't keep a steedy relationship. Her daughter has voiced she wished I was her mom....In between men, her focuss is turned on me, she follows me around the parking lot were we pick the kids up from school, and stares at me. She goes as far as to escort the 16 yr girl to her car so she wont say hi to me. She even be friended his crazy sister that hated her out wardly for 15 years, so that she can remain in contact with that side...whole nether crazy story. She calls here over every little thing, they got sick, they got a scrape, and over reacts, like she doesn't know what to do, but If I take the phone and give her advice when she gets off the phone, says to the kids, does she think I can't handle my own kids? Uh yeah you called, so no you obviously can't. Lately the kids have been sick, on her duty, she waits until their with us, then pesters us to take them to the doctor. Last week the daughter got a prescription written for a UTI, and had to return to moms, so we dropped it off, and informed her she needed to pick it up...she never did, a week later we are finding out. She fusses at even spending 12$ on a prescription, for HER kids. Yet we pick up the tab for the actual doctor's visit's. He pays her support even though we have them half the month 50/50. She won't buy the daughter clothing unless, it's what she want's and can wear it. The selfish list goes on. She sit's drinking by herself when their there, and ignore's them. Doesn't feed them until 9 or later, when that's bedtime. And the 6 days straight she does have them, they spend with her father, he has them all after noon. They have been so neglected by her. If you meet this woman you know clearly how deep her selfishness runs by looking at her. Only my confusion comes from she gets horribly jealous everytime I do something for the kids. Last one was the daughter had a military ball to go to...she came to me and asked me to buy her a dress, and get her hair done...expressed she didn't want mom to...so I did. Now here's the thing, if I had said no, let you're mother do it...I would have been a stinking rotten step mom any way, instead she threw tantrums all week long and faught with the child. I can't do anything to get this woman to leave me alone...she even moved down the road from us, yes you heard that right, and drives by our house a few times a day. It puts my husband and I on edge all of the time, and a tremendous amount of strain on the kids. I ignore her now, I don't wave hello, I don't do her favor's and I certainly do not go any where she may be. Most normal people would be happy that the kids got a step mother that is always there for them, and provides well for them. Instead I got jerk who is always jealous, and looking to find flaw. My hope is she'll re marry, and experience an ex wife like her self, and karma will then come full circle.


needadvice1981 profile image

needadvice1981 4 years ago

I'm also praying for you and your children.

I've not yet had my first child but I do know what it's like to feel like maybe giving up would be the best road to take.

Try to stay strong and hang in there.


crazyness 4 years ago

My boyfriend has an exwife of going on 13 years! I said it! THIRTEEN YEARS! She is beyond crazy & delusional! She thinks hes still in love with her ?!? He despises her! She'll say something and turn around and deny it ever came from her mouth. She always say's that "her & his daughter are his family" . Creepy. She wants him to be the punisher but then yells at him when he punishes. If he so much as raises his voice to his daughter for her disgusting behavior, hell rises from the ground. The ex blames our relationship for the lack of time he sees his daughter and blames everything wrong in her life on him. Its impossible to have a relationship with his daughter with the ex in the picture! She puts things into this young girl's head. She has dragged him in and out of court along with restraining orders and more lies! Yet she turns around & goes out to bars (sometimes bringing her with ) She had her out at a bar until the am ! & admitted to it! Its terribly frustrating and my heart twists for my boyfriend who is such an amazing person and father but never gets the chance due to a person who is jealous and spiteful. He has had a steady job for many! years with a healthy, stable, beautiful home for his daughter. She has never had anything stable and lives off using people! I feel the pain of anyone going through this! It sucks having to bite your tongue to not cause more drama. She makes things up on a weekly basis and we basically have it to a tee when a nasty text or phone call is going to come through. We both are adults about it and have learned (him quicker than I) to ignore her childish and crazy comments. It honestly never ends. I often wonder how someone can live their life in such spite and hate toward one person without moving the hell on! This is crazy! I love him so much and can't stand to see him being treated like this! She always tries to convince him "I'm a great mom! I do everything for her!" She spends a lot of time talking like that which goes to show shes only trying to convince herself! Not long to go but the damage for his daughter is done and I just hope the future sheds some light to her on how her mother affected her childhood and her relationship with her father. He has copped to his mistakes! But nobody else seems to be able to grow up!


Jenn 4 years ago

I have one of these crazies - and my ex has a new wife who is just as bed.. I can handle it, I just want to know if it ever gets better!? They have me reading self-help books to see what I am doing wrong!


Rene 4 years ago

Oh my word, I cld not believe my eyes. Do they clone them? I am an ex wife too, did not want the divorce my ex did, but we have no kids so it was a clean break. My husband was cheated on as well and had the rug pulled from under him, yet she comes out of this squeaky clean, never held accountable for anything. Even went to lengths of telling the kids she was having an SMS war with me yet I was not texting her at all. Got everything in the divorce and she still wants more. She told the kids that I earn enough to look after us and my husband salary should come to her.


a_wife_and_stepmom 4 years ago

My husband's ex girlfriend started acting spiteful when we got married too. She was bad enough before but us getting married put her over the edge. I realize she's jealous because he always told her he would never get married and he proposed to me within 3 months of dating. So it's clear he just didn't want to marry her. Unfortunately they have a child together. I say unfortunately because I met him way before she ever met him and she pretty much trapped him into being with her for 5 years because they didn't live together and barely knew each other when she got pregnant. He was miserable the entire time he was with her. Broke up with her once and we started dating, but when she found out he was seeing me she flipped out and scared him into getting back with her by threatening to keep his kid from him and forcing him to pay out the a** in child support. So his mom always told him to get rid of her. She couldn't stand the girl and said she knew he wasn't happy and he couldn't stay with her just for their daughter cause his daughter would still be in his life. She told him this for years but after she passed away a couple years ago he finally took his mom's advice to leave the girl. We started dating and after a couple months moved in together. The next month he proposed. He didn't have a child support order but I told him he should get one written down because he was paying her wayyyy too much. The first month after they broke up he gave her 1200.00! He spent most of the life insurance money he got from his mom paying the greedy witch. As if this wasn't bad enough she told him he could only see their kid every other weekend but there was no official order or anything. Of course she lived with her mom and dad and didn't have any living expenses. She also had a car with my husband as the cosigner. He told me his name wasn't on it anymore but he was wrong... and not only that but a few weeks ago I found out it's STILL not paid for even though she bought it in 2005. She is constantly late on the payments and is dragging my husband's credit through the dirt so in turn is effecting my credit since we are married. It's tax time and she only owes 4000 on it so he told her to pay it off and he would sign the title over to her. Or refinance in only her name. Or give the car to us and we would sell it. She made him sign something that said he would sign it over to her when she pays it off but lied and told him it was signing for her to refinance without his name on it. She has no intention of refinancing it. She's late again with the payment this month. A week after we got married she filed for child support even though he'd been paying her. I was glad he would have a set amount and wouldn't have to give her money every time she text which was pretty much every day. But worried he'd have to pay back child support for the whole year since they broke up. Luckily he didn't have to pay any back support. The judge asked if their kid was in day care to put that into the equation and they said no because she's not. His ex works from home 2 days a week and the other three days her mom watches her since they live with her and she's retired. But when they told the judge no he said, you just saved yourself a lot of money right there. So I was pregnant and my husband asked if he could get credit for having another dependent but the judge said he'd have to wait till our baby was born. So after our daughter was born we filed for a review to have it lowered some based on having another dependent. That wouldn't bring it down a lot but it would help a little because we can barely meet our bills paying her 475 a month to her when she lives with her mom doesn't pay rent and spends all her money on dumb stuff and drinking. Well this made her mad that child support would go down a whopping 60 dollars a month so she is trying to say child support should be raised to factor in day care since the judge told her that. But she's just being a greedy witch because their daughter is not in day care and never has been since starting school. She's just flat out lying about it all. She's also filing for custody. She's had her daughter full time and we've only gotten her every other weekend but the weekends she does have her kid she sends her to my husbands step dads house so she can party. Oh and she's completely stolen my hubby's family from him by telling them all kinds of lies about him. So his step dad and step sister no longer speak to him. Or we don't speak to them because if we tell them stuff they run back and tell it to his ex. It's ridiculous since she was never even married to him for them to be treating her like family and treating my hubby who was part of their family for 20 years like crap. We have to go to court thursday for his child support review... I just hope the judge sees that she is being greedy and trying to squeeze all of his money out of him and that she's lying about the day care. I keep praying cause if we can barely afford 475 a month we definitely can't afford 700 something to her for her to blow on alcohol.


Jan 4 years ago

oh my gosh,she sounds just like my fiance's ex.She has put us through alot of emotional hell within the last 9 years.

And I am really tired of the whole going to court thing for more money.How is it they say it takes 2 parents to raise a child,but yet she collects ssi,doesnt work,has remarried twice,going through her 2nd divorce,just got back from a week vaca in los vegas,and yet it seems we have to pay for that.We are struggling just to pay rent and have a 4 year old of our own.I am just beside myself and don't understand how the courts registrate the amount of money given to the custodial parent.The non custodial parents life has also moved on from the ex and have expenses of his own,shouldnt that be accounted for when adjusting a payment.Also I was told if we marry,his child support goes up because they can add my income into their adjustments...Really ridiculous,we are barely making it as it is.So I am not getting married anytime soon I am disgusted to say.Tired of the court system,would write more but I am at work and should be working,can't write at home because I can't afford the internet....go figure


Michelle 4 years ago

Hi ladies,

I am the "evil" ex wife that you are all complaining about. My ex husbands current girlfriend speaks of me exactly as you speak of your husbands ex wives. I wanted to give my two cents, because it saddens me that divorce and subsequent re marriage has to be so ugly. My ex husband and I divorced over six years ago. We share custody of our two children. He began dating a new girl about 3 years ago. I don't know her well, because my ex husband and I do not speak (we only text) and we exchange our children in a grocery store parking lot. Therefore, she does not really know me either. Together, they have made my life hell. She hates me and calls me names to my children. My kids come home crying because she calls me a whore and a loser and a money hungry gold digging bitch. On the rare occasions she has exchanged the kids with me, she has spit on me, called me a drunk, and refused to kiss my daughter good bye because my daughter kissed me and "your mommy is a dirty whore who sucks ten dicks per week". It makes me want to throw up. Exchanges have gotten so ugly my parents now exchange for me. My kids are so torn up over the constant turmoil they are in counseling. My daughter cries and hides when it's time to go to her fathers house. My son is violent and hits walls swearing he will kill his father if he ever has to see him again. My kids are 7 and 9. Clearly, there is a problem.

About me. I don't drink, therefore I'm not sure why she calls me a drunk. I have never drank, it's not my thing. I went to college on a full ride scholarship for being the president of "teens against drinking and drugs". I lost my virginity to my ex husband at the age of 22. We divorced when I was 29. I am now 35 and have dated three men (therefore been with three men) since our divorce. I don't believe that makes me a whore. I work full time making relatively good money. I am currently engaged, and yes we have a nicer home than my ex husband, but we both work very hard for it. My ex husband makes more money than I do, but not significantly. He does pay me child support. For those of you feeling your husband is being "taken" by a horrible woman for all he is worth, my guess is you don't know the whole story. I am called a gold digger because my ex husbands check is garnished every month for child support. Please allow me to tell you why. When we divorced 6 years ago I had sole custody of the kids because of their ages. He was ordered to pay me $900 per month in child support. He never paid. He has never paid me for anything to do with the children. Has never paid medical, has never paid any part of day care, has never even bought them Christmas or birthday gifts. Up until 2 years ago, the only clothes they had at his house were clothes I bought. Three years ago our daughter got sick and I was stuck with a very large medical bill. Over $18,000. Yes, I carry medical insurance on my kids. The $18,000 was what I owed for her medical bills after my insurance topped out. I could not make the minimum payments for the medical bills and was struggling. I begged my ex husband to help me pay a portion of the medical bill. He refused. Our court order says he has to pay me for 50 percent of the kids daycare and medical. Not to mention our child support. My credit got destroyed over the medical bills. I continued to beg. He continued to treat me like a welfare recipient who was too broke and too disgusting to pay a simple medical bill. He literally kicked me while I was down. While I daughter was sick, not once did he take her to a medical appointment, nor did he visit her in the hospital. He would go for months without seeing our kids. He had scheduled visitation he never used. He was in effect a deadbeat dad. Around this time he met the new girl. Who hated me even before meeting me. Her first time meeting me she refused to shake my hand and said I made her sick. I tried for months of her treating me poorly and calling me names for the children. My ex took me back to court to get partial custody. In my state unless a man is a murderer, moms and dads always share custody of the children. I did not fight him on the custody. Because he broke so many of his visitations previously, the judge gave him 30 percent custody and me 70 percent. While we were in court, the judge asked my ex husband for check copies or receipts proving he was paying me the court ordered child support. Because he had never paid, he could not supply this. He was ordered to pay me $320,000 in back child support, in addition to an ongoing $600 per month until our children reach 18. Because he failed to pay in the past, the court now garnishes his pay check. Child support is not something created by a drunk mother to support her drinking habit. It is based on a strict formula using both parties incomes. Because of the substantial back pay my ex husband owes, a lot is garnished from his pay check. I take every dime of back support I get and put it into a trust fund for my children for when they get older. I use my current support order to pay the medical bills and take my kids on great vacations once a year. I don't think this makes me a gold digger. I struggled for 5 years sacrificing my needs for my children's. While my daughter was sick I sold my home and moved in with my parents so I could pay her medical bills and take her to her appointments. I sold every brand name purse I owned, even my wedding dress and my engagement ring so I could pay the bills. While I did this, my ex husband vacationed, bought a new porsche, a new house and nothing for his kids. He couldn't be bothered to pick up a prescription. Now I am getting what was court ordered and should have been paid 6 years ago. I don't feel bad that I get child support, and to you ladies who are angry your husbands have to pay it, consider this: if you divorced and he refused to support your children, would you be upset? If you had to sacrifice eating so you could pay for your daughters chemotherapy and your ex husband helped with nothing, would you be upset? I lost 59 pounds while my daughter was sick because I couldn't afford to feed them and feed me. I have a masters degree and work full time and have worked full time since I was 22. I am by no means lazy. Now, thank god for laws and the court system, I get the money I should have gotten years ago. I have plenty of money to do nice things for my children and myself. And I don't feel bad, because for a long time I struggled in a way I am guessing a lot of people could not possibly understand. I am called every awful name in the book by my ex husbands new girlfriend. She spits on me and makes my children cry. It makes me sick to my stomache. I'm a good person who loves my children dearly. I am so tired of fighting with my ex husband and his girlfriend I don't even respond. I stand stoic and quiet when she spits on me. I am asking that you ladies consider there are two sides to every story. Your ex husbands wife may be getting what she is getting for a good reason. Realistically, no woman wants her child raised by a woman that treats her poorly. The idea of this woman having anything to do with my children scares the heck out of me. In the past when I have acted out, it's because I was scared that a woman who would spit on me and call me a whore in front of my kids would have a say in their well being. I'm human and I get scared. I'm guessing you are all human and get scared as well. I'm asking you to walk in her shoes. Maybe she is not the devil you believe her to be. And lastly, get smart. If you are getting all your information about the ex from your current husband, consider the source. My ex husbands girlfriend has no real knowledge of me. Everything she knows about me she learned from my ex husband. Who clearly said more than one lie, because the stories that I am a whore and a drunk are blatantly untrue. I am a good mother doing my best to raise my children into healthy happy adults. Perhaps that is all your husbands ex is. And maybe some of these exes really are awful. But in my experience, when woman act irrationally and ridiculous in these situations it is due to a lack of knowl


ASTEIN1062 4 years ago

I am not sure what state you live in but I can answer for only NY State. Support/Maintenance is based solely on the husband’s income and has nothing to do with your income. I would consult an attorney in your state or call legal aide in your states family court to be absolutely sure.

I love this site as it has enabled me to understand that I am not the only one with a vengful ex that uses the children to get what she wants.

It might be worth saying that if we start an online petition for reform of the family court and the support system it may be a great start to get the ball rolling!

We should also start a petition for a change in the law for child abuse and have Parental Allienation made a crime for both men and wommen. If it was a crime they people doing it would not and the evil divorce lawyers would not enable their clients to go in that direction to gain an advantage in a divorce.


Orchida 4 years ago

A am also an ex but i never claimed anything from my ex husband, it's like been buried alive when he remarried. I am not fortunate that after 7 years trying to move on, finally I fell in love with someone who is haunted by his ex!! I couldn't agree more when there is a saying that the ex has a lifetime access to your man's life.


Horrible New GF 4 years ago

I know that anyone who reads my comment will think I am a horrible new GF but this goes out to those who say there is no solution. There is indeed a solution and that solution is that no matter how much it hurts, do NOT allow the children's mother to use the children as pawns or a bargaining chip. My BF and I have been together for 14 months. In that time, the child's mother (we do not refer to her as his "ex") has withheld Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, vacations, you name it, etc. At every exchange she would get out of her car and berrate my BF about their adult daughter who refuses to grow up along with arguing about all kinds of other things. My BF and I grew tired of it. He finally told the mother that he would NOT pick up his son until she agreed to stay in her car and not speak toh im. For 2 months, she would text and ask if he was going to pick up the son. For 2 months, he said "are you going to talk to me? If you are, then I'm not." After 2 months, she finally gave in and agreed to stay in her car. The key to these situations is don't involve yourself with a weak man and don't let the children be used as pawns. If the man in your life can't do this and put his new life with you first, then it is time to move on.


Vera 4 years ago

"Horrible New GF", I completely agree. I am not currently in this situation (never have been), but my mom is with her BF...she & my dad split after 30 years of marriage, and her BF did with his ex-wife. His daughter is grown with children of her own, and is just as weak as he is. She wants to get rid of my mom in order to control him with money. I agree with you when you say don't involve yourself with a weak man. I wouldn't; I'm not going to suffer for someone else, when they make a choice to not put a stop to the bs.


ResponseToMichelle 4 years ago

On this site, people are just sharing their personal experiences. It's not an "ex-wife bashing site" as you might think. There are plenty of fathers who do not take on their part as a parent and shame on them. But personally, to have to deal with an ex-wife who is delusional, makes things up, would rather be at the bar than at home with her child (& has brought her to a bar until wee hours of the morning), is a terrible influence, spends her money frivilously, & blames our relationship and my boyfriend for everything wrong in her & her daughters life regardless of the fact that these problems were problems before I arrived makes me crazy. On top of it, will drag my boyfriend in and out of the dirt and claim he is a terrible father when all he has ever wanted to do is support, care for, and put his life aside to be a father (no babysitters, never had a girlfriend or brought a girl around his daughter for 9 years,never went out) & now has a teenage daughter who barely speaks to him because of the brainwashing from a miserable, spiteful, disgusting excuse for a mother I've ever seen. He would go to the end of the world for his daughter but is never allowed. She doesn't give her any structure or boundaries, no punishment for bad behavior, and no solid parenting. She is more worried about being her friend to cover up for her irresponsible behavior. My boyfriend can't so much as raise his voice without an anger problem accusation and a huge blowout fight. So while you may be a great, responsible mother who is in a shitty situation, this site is not aimed at "you" or "ex-wives" in general. It is aimed at those ex- wives who spend their time making lives miserable because they are unable to grasp reality. You may just be in a similar situation just flipflopped. Good Luck :) We all need it


Little Devil 4 years ago

Nikki,

This has been a great read, my wife and I thank you deeply for posting this thread and the links above are gold. If you were here, we both would give you a huge hug. To all the parents oot there struggling, just do what you can and be the best parent you can be. In the end, they remember that.

RT & ESS


Parental Alienation Support NJ 4 years ago

Yes, your story sounds exactly like mine. Typical Parental Alienation Syndrome, combined with common conflict within a blended family. It certainly sounds like you are dealing with a Narcissist, who are most commonly the Obsessive Alienator. Good luck, and stay strong and peaceful. www.passsupportnj.org


Aussie mum 4 years ago

I met my fiancee a year after his ex wife left & divorced him, taking their son. He never got over her. Mind you, she moved only 4 houses down on the same street on the other side of the road. She gave me such a hard time for the first year & i tried so hard to be civil & nice, even to their son who we had every wednesday evening so fiancee could take him to school on Thursday mornings & every weekend. She used to ring him every day, message him porn, ask him to come over to fix things "for their sons sake" & come into our house when i wasnt there. Fiancee did all of this scared that if he didnt she would threaten to not let him see his son. She worked in a bank & still sorted out all his finances & had access to all his accounts. Shes manipulitive & didnt want him but didnt want anyone else to have him either. We had countless arguments over boundaries & finances & me not feeling respected or ranked lowest in the family. His son treated me the same way she did & wasnt taught to respect me by his father. Hes very spoilt & ruled our household. Whatever he wanted he got, i would cook dinner & hed tell me its not how his mother makes it & his father would go buy him takeaway. Don't get me wrong, like all of you, i love this man with all my heart despite how badly he was treating me & dreamt yhings could improve if we could just work harder on our problems. If we could just set some bounderies or get the ex out of our lives. The son was a token child for her, she doesnt show love easily, wont hug or cuddle him, doesnt cook so they live on junk, never toilet trained him (son still wore a nappy to bed @ 11 yrs old-alarm bells!) & wouldnt screen adult conversation from him. The son has been brought up in an adult world, has all the choices in the world but not capeable of making decisions, is obese & has no friends, can't interact with children his own age & gets bullied @ school & isnt made to contribute to any chores around the house so cant even put bread in a toaster. My friends & family, his & even hers warned me that their relationship was inappropriate but i made excuses for him, i loved him. Two years later i had a son with him, but he startex taking my new born with him to pick up his son from her house on a saturday morning & dropping him back on a sunday arvo & staying there for two hours. Leaving me alone in a big empty house without my baby to play happy families with his number 1 family. Even as i write this i can see how stupid i look. I eventually gave him an ultimatum, her or me & 2 weeks later he asked me to leave. I left with nothing except our 3 month old son & had to go live with my parents for 6 months until i could save for some furniture and a bond to rent a place. While @ my parents, 2 months after he kicked us out i started chemo for an incurable cancer. I've been so strong for my beautiful son but so sick. We've been living in a place for just over a year now but i still have an overwelming sadness & a broken heart, which makes me feel guilty because i feel i cant give 100% 2 my son. My ex & his ex have recently got back together (she has still until recently maintained that she didnt want him) my ex has our son every second weekend which breaks my heart because now he stays @ her house & she takes great delight in boasting to anyone who knows me how great their family is & how she just adores my son. She doesnt want her own son, what the hell does she want with mine? I have a horrible feeling something is not right at the moment. I've maintained a civil & kind relationship with my ex but the last month he's frozen me out & not communicated well. I have this niggly feeling that they may take my son, interstate without telling me just from a few signs & things that dont seem to add up recently.... My suspicions were right during our whole relationship, i hope im wrong about this gut feeling but ive ignored it for too long in the past, not sure what to do, we have no legal custody order.

So...... She won. The ex wife came between us. Im sure if she were not on the scene he would have loved me & had a very different life. I know you think im lucky to escape but im a 35 year old single mum, heartbroken & living with cancer. I wish her Karma & i wish it would come quickly. Or i wish her love, some other rich man would sweep her off her feet & into another state with her son so shes far away & out of my life...... Is it too much to ask that i catch a break?


Merai 4 years ago

There are exwifes that are narcissistic tendencies, self centered, greedy and S***!. I have 5 stepchildren, they are wonderful kids. Their mother have some issues of her own. She needs help. I dont know what it is but she needs help. PRAYER. Children will become adult and you dont have to deal with her. Be strong.


Kate 4 years ago

There are two sides to every story, you are only hearing the step mother's side. There are probably many factors that have been left out from the perception of the mother here. Not that it excuses their behaviour, just consider that you don't have all the facts if you only have one side of the story.


Miranda 4 years ago

I have to say that being Bipolar myself is hard enough without having all the baby mama drama. However, my ex's wife and I had many issues. Of course I feel that a lot of it was due to me not being of sound nature in the beginning. Now however I realize how much better all of our children our doing. This didn't occur to me overnight. I had a long time to discover this. It was difficult for my ex's wife I know. We talk now about life and our children. She is terrific and understanding. She told me that it's hard for her to trust me and I do understand because of the past. I'm still thankful for her and all she's done. I know someday she will be able to trust me now that I've finally found peace, love, and medication!!


Lcsk 4 years ago

I go through the same bullshit everyday


Kallie 4 years ago

I started having this very problem . My husband and i been married for two weeks now, we lived together for two years, before i came into the picture, everyting was ok, she never complain or harressed him, when she found out that we had moved in together, it started to get to her, she started coming into our front yard and cursing him and me calling me a whore and the worst names, every month he pays her child support (he has 2 boys with her) yet she sends over the kids with the worst clothes and shoes, whenever she takes the kids out she dresses them in nike and converse sneekers and aero clothing, but when she sends them over, they never have good clothes to go out. She came tonight and stood in the yard for the neighbours to listen and started calling us names and saying bad tings, my husband closed the door and left her outside qurelling cause he says if he gets angry he'll do somting he'll regret. She was the wrong one when they were married, she started having an affair with someone she worked with, he had built a million dollar mansion which they both lived in with the kids and he left it for her and the kids and he moved back into his parents home, about a year and a half ago she sold the house ( which he built with his own bleeding hands) and moved next door in a rented apt, she ended up gambling away all the money, when she sold the house, he left her with a car she sold that also now she lives in a little wooden structure and paying rent. I hope and pray that this problem go away soon, my bible, my lord and my husband keeps me going everyday, i am afraid of having kids with him because i don't want her kids hurting my baby, she already put bad stuff in their heads against me, cause when they come over they always give me a hard time, i am invisible to the younger one (9yrs old) , my husband isn't hard on them because he only sees them on weekends and he pets them, I have faith in knowing that all this bullshit will come to an end... I am so thankfull that i can relate to someone, even if its on d internet..for all u new wives out there, there's a chapter in the bible psalms :91, read it, also there's a book called the secret, it is a very good book, it teaches u how live and think positively...for all u bad ex-wives, go fuck a bong...


janice de almeida 4 years ago

i am in the same situation, dont let your ex take your joy of living, unfortunately my husband is totally commanded by his ex and i sometimes feel he is using me to support his family and that i am his second wife.


ajs11 4 years ago

Thank goodness I am not alone! I've book marked this sight to read the comments the next time I am dealing with my fiances ex...we had a nice texting war today because she will not pick up the phone and call me...she hides behind her texts threats and accusation.


needadvice1981 profile image

needadvice1981 4 years ago

Miranda,

I just would like to say that it's wonderful to hear that your life and relationships with your ex and his wife are happy and healthy. Your post gives me hope that my step-son's mother will hopefully chose the path you took. I'm not craving a relationship with her but it certainly would smooth out some very jagged edges to be able to be cordial with this individual.

Thank you giving me hope.


db 4 years ago

I am not quite in the same situation as most of you; however, to me, it still a discerning situation. I work and provide the support and benefits for us. My husband's ex does not work and is supported by her current mate. He recently found out that he is going to need major surgery and just told the kids (38 and 40 years old) last night.

I don't know what got in to me this morning. I told him I did not want his ex calling our house if she finds out and that he should prepare for what he is going to say. I know she will find out, because on of the kids can't help but tell her. Well she doesn't work and has all day to make phone calls.

She used to call until I made a big stink about it apparently my husband doesn't have a problem with it.

There is already a lot tension in our house due to circumstances, this would just be icing on the cake.

The crux of the biscuit is, I feel taken advantage of and if this happens and he allows it to happen it will make me feel worse. After nearly 20 years of marriage I feel close to ending the relationship already without any additional prodding.


billysmom1997 4 years ago

I just happened to stumble across this site and started reading. I was not going to post or reply but it bothered me and I feel as though I have to say something about this topic. AS Kate said a few posts ago, there are 2 sides to every story.

With that said. I was the new wife and now I am the ex wife. I met my husband when his daughter was 2 yrs old. He was paying his ex a lot of money each week. I remember complaining about it to him because I thought it was not fair to us. I had to have a job the entire time I was married to him just to subsidze the money he was paying to the ex for child support. While I didn't mind paying child support, it is the law, I like most of you complained about it. There are a few things that was ligitamite about me complaining about the CS. One thing, the custody agreement that he and his ex had. We had his daughter every single day of the week and every other weekend. We would pick her up at 3 pm and she would be with us until 7 pm. On the weekends we would have her from 3 pm Friday until 7 pm Sunday. If you do the math you will se that we fed her dinner for 10 straight days, then her mother would have to fed her for 2 days. So in a months time, she had to feed the child 4 times a month. She went to school so all she did was send lunch money for her. Ok, if that wasn't bad enough, the child was always dirty, hair dirty and not combed, her clothes were never clean. There was a time when she had no clean panties so her mother put a pair of shorts on her and took her to daycare. She would send her to school in 32 degree weather without a coat and in 80 degrees with a winter coat. She would send her for the weekend with 1 pair of panties, 1 sock (not a pair) but one sock. Not enough clothes for the weekend. My ex refused to buy her clothes because he said he paid her child support he shouldn't have to pay for anything else. I went out and bought supplies of these things because she needed them. I didn't care about the money that I had to spend for her. I did though have a problem with what she did with the money she got for support. My step daughter is grown now and I haven't seen or spoken to her since 2007 when I left my ex husband.

Now, I am the ex wife. Background, in 2007 we bought a new truck together, we did $40,000 of remodeling in our home and was on our last leg of getting the house done when I found out he was cheating on me. He would not leave the house and when I went to an attorney he suggested that I just pack what I need and go stay with my Mother. Of course I took my son who was only 10 years old at the time. So, not only is his parents getting a divorce, he is now leaving the only home he has known his entire life. One week later I went to my marital home to take pics for homeowners and there was a strange car in my driveway. Long story short, in one weeks time he moved his 23 yr old girlfriend and her daughter from another man into my home (btw he is 51, she is 26 now). It only took him 1 week to move her in. Of course I was going to be a physco. Imagine pulling into your driveway, her standing behind the door (with it locked) and you cant get in. Oh, I was pretty hot. So, we go to court, all I want is my half of the house, my belongings and to be done with it. He fought me all the way, trying to give me what little he could. I had years and years of things in this house. Little things that you don't realize. All my bed sheets, my towels, my pots and pans, everything. I GOT NONE OF IT.

Now remember, my son and I are living with my Mom. We don't have any of our belongings. We had to share a bed for 3 months until I could afford to buy him a bed (he has a brand new bed at my marital home that I bought him). So, instead of trying to just finish this divorce he drags it on and on until we actually have to go to trial, yes trial. Neither one of us have a pot to piss in and he is taking this to trial. So, after 3 yrs, my divorce became final April 2010 (I left October 2007). My attorney bills that he forced upon me where over $30,000 dollars. His were more because the judge kept awarding me attorney fees because he kept fighting everything. So bottom line, he had to give me 50% of the house (I asked for 40%), he has to pay child support, he has to pay alimony, he had to give me $19,000 from his 401K and now I get a lifetime amount of his pension. I get a good portion of his weekly paycheck. He cries poor all the time and sometimes I feel bad for him. However, he brought all this on himself. His new wife does not get any child support from the father of her other daughter and she (the wife) refuses to get a job. My son is 15 now and absolutely has no contact with him. He feels like his father picked his family and he is not part of it. I do speak to my ex about our son. I have no contact with his wife (I have no need to speak to her). It is not me being a bitch. He has choosen his path and this is where it took him. So, like I said at the beginning, there is 2 sides to every story. I am sure his family and her family thinks I am this greedy bitch. But remember, I had to start over from ground 0, I had nothing to start my life over with.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Billys Mom 1997,

I totally feel for you! And you as well as Kate are totally right when you say that there are two sides to every story. Actually, I believe that there are 3 sides to every story: His side, her side and THE TRUTH. No ones version of a story are ever 100% accurate in my opinion. It may be that a story is 100% of how the teller has perceived it in their own mind and they are not lying when telling their story because it's accurate to the point of what they remember and believe it to have been.

Like I said in my original post, I have not judged from any "stories" that I was told about the ex. My venting had stemmed from what I myself had witnessed. And my side of the story is accurate to what I remember and believe it to be (like I said, 3 sides to every story) and though I didn't lie about anything, I'm sure there is a more "truthful" version out there somewhere.

I don't judge anyone until I have my own experiences to judge from.

As always, thank you for your comment, it was more than welcomed! Sounds like though it was a rocky road for you for a while, things worked out in the end. I believe in Karma and I always try my best to be a good person and to treat others the way I would like to be treated. Like everyone though, there is a side of me that can only take so much from a person before I give it back...

Blessings,

Nikki


billysmom1997 4 years ago

Nikki, I was not directing this post to you in general. There are people always making the "step mom" or the "ex wife" look like the evil bitch. I just wanted to share my story. Believe me, this mixed family situations are not easy for anyone involved. I remember watching a Dr Phil episode and he bascially said that a step parent has absolutely no rights whatsover. Step parents should fade out of the picture when it comes to discipline. Fade out when it comes to anything to do with the child. Here I am screaming at the tv. That is absolutely bs, especially when the parent leaves the child in your care. Now, with the situation reversed if my ex's wife ever said anything to my son I more than likely would have gone after her. She is 26 years old and my son is 15, my stepdaughter is 22. She has no right or authority to say boo to my son. I know you said that there is 3 sides to every story, however, not in this case. Anyone involved will relate the facts as I presented to you on this page. My ex's attorney was the most ridiculous, stupid person in the world. I will give you 1 example, which just happens to be my favorite. As I posted, I only asked for 40% of the house. I did that to keep my attorney fees low. We presented to him and his attorney. They agreed and we went back to court. The judge (who could not believe that this divorce was not settled) sent us out of the room into mediation. While in mediation, his attorney tells us that my ex agrees with the amount, however, he can't get a mortgage on his own. She proposes that he buys me out for $40,000.00 but she wants me to sign onto a new mortgage with him so he can keep the house...Really! She actually said this to the judge who could not believe what she proposed. That is just 1 example of his attornies stupidty.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Billysmom,

I agree completely...

Thanks again for sharing your story. :)

Nikki


Concerned and Feeling Like a Second Class Citizen 4 years ago

Wow, I am glad to know there are others out there! We tried to be kind and courteous in the beginning for everyone's sake, especially the children. He has two that we see every second weekend and I have one that lives with us. He pays $3000 a month in child support and she still wants more money to buy things like new bicycles (when they grew out of their old ones). She thought we should pay help pay for car insurance on her vehicle once my step-son was old enough to drive. It never ends! We hosted my step-son's graduation and confirmation with ex's family and new husband's family and all at a party afterwards. When it was my step-daughter's graduation and confirmation, the ex forgot to tell us about the party.

In addition, the kids have just become more insolent and dis-courteous as they have gotten older (now 16 and 18). You arrange to go and see one of their sports games only to get there and find out they played earlier in the day but forgot to let you know. I have to think some of this is coming from the ex (whether she is being open with her comments or they sense her disdain).

The only problem is that this is causing a real problem in my relationship. He often thinks it is just easier to give in that deal with it once and for all


Wendy 4 years ago

I think we're talking about my husbands ex as well. She is getting a breat augmentation tomorrow...but, she wants $600.00 a month to keep things out of court because that will "BENIFIT US?!" Bull. I wish the courts would spend sometime in gettin to know the fathers and see that there are fathers out there that should have FULL Custoday. Especially since my step son is a child with aspergers and needs one on one attention.


DENAZ 4 years ago

It would be interesting to see this exact same story from the ex-spouse's view point. Nothing is ever black or white in these situations and I have found out that everyone seems to have their own agenda.

Just remember, Sears and Nordstrom takes anything back.... words can never be returned.


Mary 4 years ago

I just need to write it down, guys, I head is full of this ex-wife-sh..... I am so tired right now. We have been together for three years now, and I'm still not aloud to meet his parents or his daughter (20) because this could hurt her feelings. We moved together in December (same city now), I gave up my job, my career, my friends, my family to be with him in the same city. And what do I get in return? We don't go out on the weekend because we could be seen by her or by friends of the former couple. I am not aloud to go to events where she could be, because this could hurt her (well, the thing is, we studied the same, we share similar interests... how is it going to be in the future). Today he went to a lecture on Hegel, where I was not able to go because of her.. I am so ANGRY!!!

We had planned to finally visit his parents on May. Well, after her histerical emails and callings to him, his parents and her daughter, this is not going to happen. How much more do I have to accept? I feel trapped in this city while she gets not only the attention she wants, she manipulates him to get him done, whatever she wants... I even spent Christmas alone because of her complainigs.... And yesterday she told him, he has to spend Easter with their daughter, so he should abort any travel plans with me... I am so f... tired of this...


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Mary,

Wow! This is just my opinion, but what you are living, is NOT A LIFE. If I were you, I'd move back to where my friends and family are and forget about this guy. If he really loves you and wants to be with you, he would stand up to whom ever he needed to in order for you to truly be a real part of his life. Seems like you're just the invisible girlfriend...

Best of luck!


stepwhatever 4 years ago

I feel badly for the women who get screwed by their ex-husbands because there are truly horrible ones out there. I am a new wife to a man who has a crazy ex-wife and an 8 year old boy. I say the ex-wife is crazy not because of what she does to my husband but because of what she does to her son and how she neglects him. We have him 1/2 of time according to custody agreement but we have him way more than that because she is always changing custody arrangements and asking us to take him on her nights so she can go on vacations, go to parties, visit her out of state boyfriend in hopes of snagging herself a big "cash cow." My husband truly is a good father and does everything for his son and it hurts me to see him so upset at how his son is treated when he's at his mom's. Granted, she doesn't sell drugs and isn't a prostitute, at least not that I can prove, but come on can't a person be made to take care of their own child? She allows her new boyfriend to sleep in the bed with her in her bedroom while the son sleeps on the floor in the living room. It's disgusting. Has anyone experienced anything like this? I guess I want people to know that mothers aren't always the better parent.


billysmom1997 4 years ago

Mary, first the daughter is 20 yrs old, not a baby or teenager. I would think she is grown enough to understand what is going on. Especially since you have been together for 3 yrs. You said yesterday the ex told your man that he HAS TO SPEND EASTER with his daughter. I would like to know what kind of hold this ex has on your man. Again, the daughter is 20 yrs old and the ex has absolutely no right to tell him where and how to spend his holidays. I think there is a little more going on here that you are not telling us or that he is not telling you. This is a bizarre situation that you are in. I agree with Nikki. For Easter, go visit your family don't worry abt what he does. First and foremost, you need to take care of yourself, physically, mentally and socially. It sounds as if this man is weak and he can't stand up to the ex. Is this man from a wealthy family? Prestigous? Political? That was the first thought that went through my mind when I started to read your post.


Ellouise 4 years ago

My partner is about to suggest a divorce as they have been living separately for many years now. Still her nonsense continues. I am hoping that divorce will be a clear message that he is never going back and that she may then be able to move on a little at some point because she wont be obsessing and needing his approval about work and emailing about the past every few days. I am hoping that if she moves on the children may not have to listen to how awful their dad is as often. But my partner says she will never stop, that she has an eating disorder and mental health problems. He feels it is the right thing to do but that I should not expect any change in her behaviour. He is also concerned that it will drive a bigger wedge between him and his children..not that it could be any worse and they dont have any contact with him. I dont know but I cant see why teenage children would want their parents to stay married if they have been living apart for years. Surely clarity is better. Do I have it all wrong. I guess I can only go on my own kids who now see a happy mum in a great relationship and they have a strong relationship with my partner as well as their dad. I dont get these women who just bad mouth the father of the children to the kids in order to influence and keep the children all for themselves. Isn't it just hurting the children in the long run to alienate them from their own dad? Things have come on in that he now no longer reads her long emails and text messages and is never bothered by anything she says ..in the past it hurt him, now it doesnt...he just think she is an idiot going on and on. He skims them and replies with one line answers so he is not seen to be keeping that emotional door ajar. She has little information about our lives any more so most things like facebook etc blocked which means she has no new information so it really is just repeating the same old stuff. I think she feels that by letting the children know how unhappy she is and how it is all his fault this will bother him and in turn bother me. In fact it does not bother me at all. If his kids dont want to see him then it doesnt affect my life one bit. It suits me really because the words they use are hers and they are so bitter that I am not sure I want them in my life really. They have been brought up having labels and everything to the point of getting into debt and they cannot forgive their dad for leaving their mum even though they must remember how unhappy he was for years being bossed about and belittled. It has been really helpful to read all the stuff on here and stay a step ahead. Thanks.


Anna 4 years ago

hi, i have been married to my husband for the last 1 year and he is 3 adult children. Im not sure how to explain this but here goes. my husband’s ex does not visit our house often but when she comes to drop our youngest one off at times she just walks into the house. Also the children invite her in if there is something we have bought or built new… for example, we got our youngest a drumkit for his birthday. i planned a party and invited the ex who promised to attend and then didnt and left no message. the next day i walked into my lounge where the ex was standing with the kids chatting excitedly around her about what happened the other day. there was no apology. i feel disconcerted about having his ex coming into my house unannounced and uninvited by my husband or me. since then anything we do goes straight to her and she has always been there, in someways nosy. but the children invite her into the house and my husband and i feel awkward to ask them not to do that or ask the ex not to just come in when they do… i dont know what to do. I also have become distant with the children who live with us most of the time, as they dont talk to me unless they want something from me. i have noted that the eldest daughter is pretentious and arrogant… none of the kids say thank you or please and there is a lot of swearing around the place. i have tried to be cheerful and approachable for the last year but have now given up. may be not right but it gets frustrating


DLS 4 years ago

I feel so much better after reading all this. My story differs a bit that my husbands crazy ex wife is now dating my ex. In the very beginning she was so nice and wanted to come to my house to meet me and bring her children so they could meet me. Well, that was a mistake. It only took one weekend my husband had his kids (he has two by the way and I have two as well) it was the 4th of July weekend and we were out watching fireworks. She kept calling my husband and sending text messages to have "her daughter" call her NOW!!! When my husband didnt respond I guess fast enough she started calling and sending text messages to my phone that if "her daughter didnt call her right away she was calling the cops. Well she did and we werent home so they really couldnt do anything. She drives by my house when my children are outside and with her own children in the car yelling (basically name calling) out her window and drives off. That really dont bother me but she came to my house about a month ago which was a weekend that we had his children I happened to be in the shower and my 6 year old little boy says mommy someones at the door so I jump out the shower but a towel on and my god its her. I made sure the door was locked and closed the blinds and called my husband because he was at work. I went to find out where my 6 year old was and he was in his room hiding underneath his bed crying because he was scared. How sad! She violated his "safe place". My 6 year old sons father is now dating the psycho bitch how they hooked up I have no idea. Not only is this a wierd situation but my son and I do not feel safe around her and my sons father does not realize this. I now am in comtempt of court and have a court date coming up because I am not letting my son go for his visitation with his father because he is scared to death of his girlfriend. I just went and got a civil protection order on her and listed my sons name so my sons father could not take him around her and the judge lifted his name off of it because she has never threatened my son. So how am I as my sons mother supposed to tell him that I cant protect him? I have filed another motion and have paid a tremendous amount of attorney fees just to try to protect my baby. We go to court this Monday to try to get it where my son cannot be around her. I just dont know what Im gonna do if his name is not put back on the protection order. I feel helpless.


CATHY 4 years ago

Hi NIKKI,

I told you that I would check in again and keep you posted.I like your concept of three sides to every story. That is true. I have read up on divorce and how it is such a tragidy and loss. It is true. It is very hard for me because even though I am over my ex husband, I still have to deal with him via email or text weekly and at least see him every weekend for the drop off of my child. One day last week, we bitched back and forth via email all day. That was too much. He is still present and instead of being kind and understanding, he continues to act so arrogant and domineering and throws his live in girlfriend in my face. He has worked very hard at keeping her away from meeting me for the last 7 months since she has moved under the same roof as my child. However , she still works hard at interfering and it is frustrating. She has never met or spoken with me and she only hears his side of the story. My ex husband causes much emotional drama in my life as much as he can and it has been draining and down right depressing. I have a long list which I brought to court hoping for an order of protection. I did this only as a means for his actions to cease. I recently withdrew my court petetition if he agreed to go to mediation or communication counseling. He agreed on the comm. counseling which will start soon. Drop offs have been much easier as we do not speak or approach one another. I don't want to be bashed but it is still hard on me because not only has he moved his girlfriend in, but he has stopped the religion that we both have practiced all of our lives and promised to raise our son up in. I now have to raise and teach my son alone in our faith which has been most heartbreaking. I also have a hard time not knowing what my son's life is over at his father's. I feel strongly that his father and girlfriend who is so materialistic and never been a parent that they are setting bad examples in which I have no control over. But it's frustrating because it is my child! I want him to model good values and morals. I want to move on but it is hard to because I feel like I have "a knife stuck in my back that I can't get out".

Take care.


The "Step-mother" 4 years ago

I know EXACTLY how you feel! My husband's ex is like a freaking monster! Her and my husband have 2 biological children (girls) and 1 that he raised from birth (boy). She is CONSTANTLY telling him she doesn't want me to do ANYTHING for them and even accused me of beating her kids abusively. First off I would NEVER discipline those kids unless my husband is not around to do it. Even then I don't "beat" them I correct them right from wrong. She uses the child support that she gets from the biological father of the boy on herself. She had abandoned the children AT LEAST 5 times since me and my husband have been seeing each other for 4 years. She uses the money to go to different states to meet men she talks to over the internet. To prove how bad of a mother she is truly being at this point...her mother even fought AGAINST her to gain joint custody of the girls with my husband. In case you didn't follow that, HER MOTHER and my husband have joint custody of the girls...not her. She is constantly threatening to take her son and leave the state because she still has full custody KNOWING that she has nowhere to stay, nothing to eat, NO STABLE ENVIRONMENT for this child. She is pathetic and we recently found out she is pregnant again. Yes...a fourth child for a spoiled brat of a mother who I might add insists that my husband cannot claim the children unless he gives her HALF of what he gets back in taxes. Thank god that in the divorce her custody of the girls was revoked meaning she can't claim them or has any rights to ANY money he gets back in taxes. I just recently got things semi-straightened out and hoping it stays this way for a while. Kind of peaceful! :) I wish all you other women the best of luck with the god-awful exes. May God be with you and hold your temper the best as possible! ;)


Farnoush D. 4 years ago

Hi everyone!! It's funny how we always think we are alone on this battle .. unfortunately we are not. From what i read on most of the posts, "the best" way to deal with this kind of situation would be to stand up for yourself. I have been going to therapy and what I've been informed is that ignoring is the better, because one day she will eventually get tired and move on.

My situation: We are married for about 6 months, but together for almost 2 years. He was separated from his (now) ex-wife for 2 years already. Since the beginning of our relationship she was creating problems. For me was a big red flag, but I decided to keep on going with the relationship, first of all because I had deep feelings for him, and because I didn't want to give her the best of me and just give up.

My husband has 2 kids from that marriage, 3 and 6 years old. Very smart and sweet kids.

The ex-wife finds every excuse on the book to call or text him. It's been a nightmare! She lives a voicemail saying that it has to do with the kids, but as soon as he calls back, she insults both of us, threatening, making absurd comments.... Well, I'm thinking on getting the divorce, because I can't handle this crap any longer. My husband says that he ignores her.. but I know how that really affects him.

My question: What can be done LEGALLY?? Is there anything that we can do, by law, to force her to keep her distance? As far as I know, we can not file for a restraining order, because I have no prove that she is violent... but she has, in fact, made threats against me. I just didn't do anything about it for the sake of the kids.

Any ideas?? How can I deal with this bit**? I'm sick of it!!

Thank you! Good luck to all of you!


cathy 4 years ago

Nikki,

Where are you? And how are you these day's? I have done everything an ex wife can do by excepting his live in girlfriend and my son's mixed feeling about her without complaint. I have been dealing with him dropping the religion we brought our son up in and raising my child in the faith alone which is tough and heart breaking. (that's my personal feeling)I agreed to go to communication counseling but he continues to be the rudest and most arrogant person on earth. I am trying so hard. My patient and personal strength is wearing very thin. My mother asks me to be patient and just pray but nothing changes. Well, I realize that the changes are what I make of them.

The night before communication counseling, the ex, unfairly and abusively bashed me on a nice email I sent. It was unbelievable.I said no more and cancelled the counseling. I think that it is best to have no contact what so ever. It's sad but I will do my best to raise my son the best I can, on my weeks, alone. I just don't understand how the girl living with him is blind to all of this?? She actually works with the public and those who are victims of abuse. She doesn't see this? Maybe she ignores his behavior due to the fact that she is 30 and he has everything and all to offer her!?

I could use your support. I know sadly that many of you are out there and in the same shoes. PLease respond. Most grateful..Cathy.


W29 4 years ago

My husband son started lying about being abused any time anyone disciplined him. Well the ex decides to take him to a psychiatrist because she knew he was lying and wanted to get help for him. Well she tells my stepson that something is wrong with his brain and he has to go to a doctor. My stepson tells us that his mom , told him to say I was abusing him to the psychiatrist . First what kind of mom tells their child to lie and then tells that child something is wrong with his brain? Second if you think your child is being abused the first thing to do is call police, take your kid to the doctor, refuse to let that person see that child. Well she admitted where there son got the story from and my husband confronted her and she admitted to all of it. She had let him watch a very nasty DVD that was unedited and unrated version of jersey shore. My husbands ex is the devil. But I,ve got what she wants and that's my husbands love. She has tried several times to come back but my husband refused to hear it. She cheated on him several times with a friend from work. I love my stepson but our relationship with him has suffered. I don't think that we will have a close relationship with him. He had is dad in tears during Christmas he told my husband he didn't love us or care to see any of us . Not even his sister in the hospital. Parental alienation. Is abuse.


Second wife 4 years ago

Hi I was so glad to read your post! I am going through a similar situation! My husbands baby mama is crazy and the most selfish woman i have ever met!!!!!!!! She recently decided she wants to start taking my income! Do you know what you are allowed to black out on joint income tax papers before giving them to her? like you she already gets an enormous amount of my husbands income and she is always wearing fancy new clothes when his daughter has worn out hand me downs... its so unfair and i am at a loss for what to do...we need to go back to court but we would have to pay our own laywer which would be very expensive while she gets legal aid because, yup you guessed it she doesnt work, and wait- we way day care for his daughter...


sonja nieves 4 years ago

OMG im so glad im not alone. My husband ex, is crazy,,,,, they have 4 kids and we have been together for 2 and married for 5 months. this woman has barged into our house, ( i called the police ) she has called me, facebooked me, emailed me, texted,,, all saying that that is her man... now he is in jail (on a charge she put on him a few years ago) and at visitation last week she shoved me into the wall and called me a stupid B*&^%, then sunday there was a ugly not on our car.

I am trying so hard to be civil because of the children (who i love). Last time i saw them one of them ran up to me and hugged me and told me he loved me,, this was back in Sept... Im sad i dont see them anymore, i wish we could all get along like me and my ex do, He has a new wife, and I have no issues with her. they have both been to my house at the kids parties, etc... I feel like sometimes i wont make it through this......


Summer 4 years ago

Oh god we are not even married yet with my boyfriend his ex such... we have been steady for 5 yrs already his ex is the one who filed the divorce but she could not accept the fact that my boyfriend has someone else i was thinking wth it is some kind of joke to her or just trying to scare my bf when she filled the divorce Until now she can not accept that my bf is already happy she still waiting that someday they will get back together and that makes scare me sometimes and on top of that they had a son and they can meet each other all the time by the way we had a long distance relationship we see each other twice a year, his ex would ask my bf brother and his family to help her out to reconcile with my bf his ex said that he still loves my boyfriend and still crying every single night i feel like i am the reason of their break up don't get me wrong he has another girlfriend before me she was blaming me for everything she even ask me to ignore my boyfriend so that they can be together so i was just being nice to her but in my head F*** who the bleep are you to order me and by the way it is your fault why he doesn't love you anymore why didn't you treat him right when he is with you the instead of being a drama queen for all these years and blaming someone else for your effin attitude and calling names such as mistress and everything she even said that who am i and what it is on me that my bf cannot leaves me she is also the reason why we broke up once i showed them that i am not affected i can move on easily while she was posting pictures with my bf she even tag her feet yes her feet you can't even see her face just to show me that they are together but too bad my bf came to reconcile with me.. We decided to stays in his place but as soon as i get there we are moving somewhere else because there is no way that i have to deal with his bipolar,drama queen ex i rather not have him than to deal with him and there are some extent that i allow him to do but please i dont want her to come in my house anytime she wants and use his son.. i hate those kind of people i don't blame if a guy doesn't wanna go steady for her if she shows that she does not care about the person or if she was humiliated with his bf attitude. I dont get here at all my parents are divorce and my dad remarried i never saw my mom called my dad or makes my step mom's life she was so nice that she even invite them in our house or she would come to celebrate special occasion.. I don't know how she do it but i can not do it to share your times with his ex mine i don't want my siblings to experienced any of it.. i might be selfish but its life and for sure i am not the only who does not want to deal with your bf exes..


Cam 4 years ago

I can't believe that we are all in the same boat, EXCEPT


harleygal05 4 years ago

ok I met a great guy 14 months ago ,,,,he is a honest man and was seperated from his wife for 6 months and had already dated another woman for 3 months before meeting me, he was married to his ex for 25 years and has 2 children 23 & 17 the 23 year oild daughter is married and has her own life the 17 year old son lives with his mother but wants to live with us but his mother is a lazy ass and dont work so she lives off of the child support and the goverment and has brain washed him to stay with her ,,, long story short he has ask me to marry him and are planing to marry next month,,,she has always tryed to interfear with our relationship and now that she knows were getting married next month she is always calling him and it is now causing big problems,,, I have takin this for over a year now and I cnat take it any more,,, he says that I am letting her "WIN" when it comes to upsetting me,,, she shows up at his new job today and he introduces her to his new employees ? I am at my wits end... his son is 17 and we have 11 more months till hes 18 so does it get better after they turn 18? she constantly calls and text and I feel he needs to put a stop to it... I understand that they have to have contact because of the children but his son has a phone and can call his dad so why can he put a stop to some of this? I do know she wants him back and is very jealous of me and our relationship. I just dont know if I should go through with this marriage because of her constant contact? I do love this man he is a great person.


billysmom 4 years ago

Anna,the ex has no right whatsoever to be in your house unless YOU invite her in. My ex's ex did that a few times. Once she came in and asked to use my bathroom. I was grossed out. What I started to do was make sure my step daughter had all her stuff with her, her coat and shoes on waiting at the door for her Mom. The Mom was always on time so it wasn't like she stood at the door for hours. As soon as her Mom pulled into my driveway my step daughter went out and got in the car before her Mom could get out of her car. Funny story..my driveway was a horseshoe so we could just pull in, use the back door and go around to get out. We had put our trailer on the one side so you had to back out now. Well, she back out..right into a huge tree branch that went straight through her back window. She never pulled into my driveway again.

DSL, I feel bad for you and your son. Your child should never feel scared. I am not sure what state you are in but I have 2 similiar stories from friends (NJ). One friend has a daughter who had visitation with her dad on Wed and every other weekend. The dad was flying through woman (the daughter would meet a new one ever time she went to the dad's house). The women would sleep with the dad only a curtain separating them from the daughter. He also was doing drugs and drinking and driving. This friend didn't care about that, just not in front of the child. The dad would drop the daughter off after he had been drinking all day. This friend went to an attorney to get the visitation stop. She went through the process for months and owed a lot to her attorney. She even paid for a hair folical test to prove that he was doing drugs. It didn't matter. The judge did not take away his visitation. They had to appoint someone that both trusted to drop off and pick up their daughter. The dad also had supervised visitation. Well, the person that was appointed was his sister (my friend had no choice)so you know she was superiving these visits. How this ended I can't tell you..this friend left her job and I haven't seen her.

Another friend has a son with a guy that while the son was little they attended a bbq. On the way home the dad (who was drunk and on drugs, which my friend did not know)hit a house. The son until this day has mental/head issues. He goes to therapy (both physical and mental). This friend did everything in the book to not let the dad take him for visitation. Same thing, he was still on drugs (couldn't prove it)..girlfriends coming and going. Didn't matter to the judge. He did not take visitation away. Again, someone was appointed to drop and pick up the boy. But in this case the judge did not order supervised visits.

I am not telling you this to discourage you from doing everything and anything you can to protect your kid. I am just trying to prepare you for what may be a long battle. Don't give up though. Good luck to you.


Deedee 4 years ago

OMG! I am soo glad to see that i am not the only one having to deal with this! Although, my fiances ex does actually have bipolar!


Chris B 4 years ago

Before long most of you will be ex wives too, because if the man couldn't stay committed the first time, more then likely he won't the second time. Second marriages are more likely to end in divorce then first ones. I'm not sure why anyone would want to marry a man who has already proved he doesn't mean what he said when he said to death do us part the first time.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Hello, Cathy. I've been around but it's been a while since I've been online. I've had a lot going on with end of school trips and things with my daughter. Sorry it's been so long...

I'm so sorry to hear that things aren't working out the way that you had hoped they would. Some people are just impossible to get through to.

I think you're doing the right thing, the only thing that you can do at this point, which is to raise your son the best way you can, alone, while he's on your time. I'm sure he's a good kid who knows right from wrong. A mother is probably the strongest influence in a child's life. Just do your best and I'm sure that your son will admire your strength and appreciate your sacrifice's on his behalf.

I know that it's seems like the easy thing is to give up when you feel as though you're spinning wheels. However, I believe that you are strong and for the sake of your son, you will not give up.

I feel so strongly that as long as you keep on keeping on for yourself as well as your son, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and that will make you feel so good inside that you will know that you can continue to push forward. Concentrate on yourself and your son and no one else. Do what you need to do for the two of you and I know that your son will be so proud to have you for a mom.

As always, I wish you and your son the best! Keep in touch!

Nikki


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Don't file your taxes jointly. File married but separate. That way, she can't touch YOUR tax return... This works especially well if he has any arrears owed and his return will be intercepted and given to her. If you file jointly and he owes arrears, they will give her your portion of your return as well.

Not sure if this is really what you were getting at or not, but that's one situation I have had to personally deal with.

One question though, why would she have any right to get a copy of your tax papers? That's not something I have heard of as of yet...

Take care.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 4 years ago from Pennsylvania Author

Chris B,

It may be true that some of these second marriages may also end in divorce, but divorce rates are the highest they've ever been regardless of whether it's the first, second or third time. In my opinion, I would think that second marriages would last longer than a first considering that the issues and people from the first failed marriage lets a person know better what they are and aren't looking for in a partner and in a marriage. The second time, you are more prepared for knowing what works and what doesn't, if that makes any sense.

Also, it would be a terrible way to live for both people in the marriage if you stayed in a miserable marriage just so you could say that you stayed committed to the "till death do us part" clause. furthermore, some of the above posts are from people who's husband's ex's were the one's who didn't stay committed or who ended the relationship. It's not always the man, it's sometimes to women too.

I don't believe that anyone who has posted on this site has tried to make their men out to be perfect in every way possible. No one is perfect. I don't believe that you have any real experience in what the people on here are going through/have gone through. I don't think this is the site for you...

Unless someone SPECIFICALLY ASKS for your OPINION, please only post what you KNOW as FACT. These people are going through enough in their lives without people like you coming in out of nowhere, judging them and talking crap about their lives which you know nothing about.

You have something to say to these people about their lives and their decisions, yet you've shared nothing about your own life... enlighten me, Chris B...


KelliRipple 2 years ago

My Ex- husband owes me a bunch of money per our divorce which he refuses to pay. I work my ass off to support and take care of my kids and barely scrape by. I buy for my kids first and do everything I can for them. While my ex takes his girlfriend to Mexico, France, buys new truck, motorcycle, travel trailer but claims he can't afford to pay the money he owes. Not to mention he accuses me of stupid shit that isn't true all the time. But according to him I am just the Bitch ex-wife who supposedly doesn't let him speak to the kids. NOT True! There are three sides to every story. hers, his, and truth. I have the opposite of you ladies and I could care less about his girlfriend. As long is she is good to my kids she and I wont have a problem.


ashley adams 2 years ago

I am married to my husband I get along with his first kids mom but not his sons mom ... My question is .. is it wrong that when my husband is not home that I have the right to grab his son for him ... She think he should be here all the time to pick him up when he works


liz s 2 years ago

Im sorry you went through that. Im getting ready to marry in 2 Weeks. My fiancees x still calls over any little matter. They have two kids together. My fiancee, have them all the time. She supposing keeps youngest but he wants to stay here except maybe couple days every couple Weeks with her. She pops up anytime of the day she wants to drop him off or pick him up......unanounced! It was up to 3 times a day. She would pick him up for 30 minutes and bring back..its really getting to me. My fiancee told her to call before she came...that lasted 3 days....she is still doing it...he says he cant control what she does...any advice please?


Stressed out Ana 2 years ago

Hi would really appreciate some advice from anyone on here.

My partner's ex blanks me when she sees me. We do not see each other often, however when we do, it is always when her children are present, at drop offss etc. I am always polite to her. I always smile, make eye contact and say hello. I opened the door to her the other week and invited her in as she was coming to pick up her children. She ignored me and stayed standing on the doorstep. My own daughter had given her youngest a doll to take home. I explained this pleasantly to the ex. I may as well have not spoken. She busied herself with the child and did acknowledge me.

She came to the house last week and I purposely stayed out on the garden for approximately 30 minutes whilst she was in my house. This was the first time she has come into the house whilst I have been there in months. I was pleased she felt comfortable enough to come I and I thought maybe we could start building a positive relationship. I saw her the following day whilst we went to pick up the youngest. I was sat in the car with the door open. She came a few yards away from the car with the little girl. I smiled and said hello to both of them. Again I was ignored.

I also bumped into her and the youngest daughter in public toilets 2 days ago. I made eye contact with the ex, smiled and said hello. I was blanked. I then said hello to the little one and the mother grabbed her and made her wash her hands before she could even respond.

The ex has never liked me or spoken to me but has become worse since knowing that I am pregnant. She herself has just recently had a baby with anew partner. She has made access very limited or difficult at times for my partner. She has accused me of several untruthful allegations, such as making her daughter feel fat and suggesting that her daughter watches fat in foods! I offered to meet up with her to discuss these allegation however she never responded to my partner's text. I don't want to make things difficult for my partner who just wants to see his children. However I do feel increasing anger at being blanked. I also realise that this is not a healthy example for the children to see. I am sure they all pick up on the tension. I want us all to be civil to one another for the benefit of all the children involved, including my daughter. Am I right to push my partner to address this issue with his ex? Or should I just put up and carry on being the bigger person? My personal feeling is that if he addresses this issue once with het and she still continues to blank me, that I have the right to say she is not allowed to come to the house. I will still continue to be polite every time I bump into her or have to see her at social occasion linked to the children, however I am not going to be disrespected I my own home. Does this sound reasonable to others? ? Or should I just be the bigger person and let the whole issue lie??


Same boat however with wife's ex 2 years ago

Same boat dealing with wife ex he is a convict pot head drug addict alcoholic worthless, he uses her son against us doesn't pay bills lies to ODJFS where he lives, lier and scum. We take care if the two girls and he calls them names, ten he curses my wife out and I can't say anything. He does what your husbands ex does worthless he doesn't take care of them we do. Just tired I love my wife and step children and I do everything icon clean the house I take them to appointments teach them to drive. I didn't have kids, and I never buy me anything I am made to get a haircut or to get takeout because they ddnt have anything when he was around. I worked hard and now disabled vet, I try hard not too argue or say much and everyte he calls he gets us into an argument. I just stand or sit and say hardly anything she is a wonderful person and now she said I am not a nice guy because I don't like him. To me ex is and x for a reason, stay away. I am a cherokee and respect all I give and share and lately I feel excluded from my and and step children


Cas 2 years ago

My husbands ex wife has gone on for trips this year bought a new house and a new car. All of this with the 3089 in support monthly. Meanwhile we are eating beans and rice and have not had one trip or vacation in four years of marriage. I pick my step daughter up from school and she has not had a shower in a week. My stepson has two pairs of shorts to his name. This is just the tip of the iceberg! The support is for her unfortunately not the kids! If my husband is obligated to pay it the. She should be obligated to spend it on them.


Johnf120 2 years ago

Hello! Do you use Twitter? I'd like to follow you if that would be okay. I'm undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts. bgkbaddcekgf


POmega 24 months ago

Nikki I felt like I was reading my life and experience! Luckily my hubby never married his Ex -psycho! Here's a bit of what I dealt with - she trapped him after 2 months of dating thinking he had a lot of money and they would well off - wrong! Then her real evil personality came out and he was stuck at this point. He was working like a dog to give her everything while she was pregnant but after the baby arrives she expected him to wait on her hand and foot, take care of baby and work long hours while she stayed at home. Little did he know he would be dealing with her evilness moving forward. After the baby was a year old she gets her boobs done and thinks she's all that and leaves him and gets full custody by lying to judge that my hubby's dad sexually molested his grand daughter and accused my hubby of taking drugs. Fast forward 2 years later I meet my hubby and she's pregnant with another's guys kid. She flips out that he's dating me and his ex is a very jealous and competitive person. She's pregnant with a new guys kid but is pissed my hubby is dating someone new and my hubby at the time tells me she's pissed because he said to me you look better than her and she would be happy if he was with someone overweight and unattractive. I didn't think nothing of it because I just met my hubby. They end up moving away to a different state and prior to this I met his daughter who was 3 at the time and I saw her for 4 months every other weekend and she adored me! I thought I can deal with my hubby's daughter and if it gets serious it won't be bad. His daughter comes back at 4 yrs old with major attitude and disgust for me. Apparently her mom brainwashed her into hating me and at this point I'm engaged so there's no turning back. So fast forward 17 years that I've dealt with nonstop drama with his ex asking for more child support and more money on top of that. Problem is my hubby is very nice and accommodating and she knows that and has taken full advantage. The crazier part of this is she's asking for money to pay for plastic surgery and it gets WEIRD! She had a different hairstyle and dressed differently than me when I first met her. What I've seen happen in the past years first she started dressing like me then she copied my hairstyle and now she's had plastic surgery done and now she looks like me!!!! I'm so insulted! It's like get your own style! His daughter is now 20 so he pays his daughter the child support but the problem is his daughter is exactly like her mom! So my drama continues! She learned from her mom how to use, manipulate her dad from her mom! I'm so frustrated! Also with her daughter she has competed with me since she was 4. She also has copied the way I dress and similar hairstyle. We are civil and get along but it's all an act she shows her dad so he will continue to give her whatever she wants! I'm glad I found this forum to vent! It sucks being the step parent because you have no voice or say in this situation.


Kat 23 months ago

I realize this is a really old post, but Nikki I really need your help! Are you still checking this?

Thanks

a new wife with ex wife problems


anExisanExforareason 21 months ago

I'm in the same situation but am not married. We have been together for almost three years and are engaged but I'm coming to the conclusion the marriage can't happen. His ex has been a pain from the get go. She left him and was stringing him along when I met him. Probably would still be if I hadn't entered the picture. She basically didn't want him but wanted to have him at her disposal for whatever. After I entered the picture and encouraged him to put his foot down with her. At times its gotten somewhat better but she is despicable as far as I'm concerned. He has always paid her child support but because she wanted more (which he couldn't afford because he makes minimum wage) she decided to punish him by keeping his child from him for two months. During that time she slandered him and told lies about what a piece of poop he was to everyone she knew and some she didn't. He sat around depressed and in tears not knowing what to do. I told him she couldn't do that legally and encouraged him to take her to court. He did and the Judge flat out told her that she couldn't do that. She hasn't tried that tactic since but wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't again. He has lied to me in regards to her on more than one occasion and this recent one has done us in. He works at a factory which will be closed for two weeks this month due to the holidays. He isn't getting any paid time for those two weeks. This is an issue due to Christmas and then rent being due right after. So I'm stressed out about how I'm going to cover everything and Christmas. Then he nonchalantly announces last week that he also isn't working Fridays on the two weeks he is working because they are closed those days to0. So basically he is working 8 days this month. Then I come home from work last night and he tells me that he is going in late in the morning because his son is sick and she told him she would lose her job if she didn't go to work because she has stayed home with him the last three days. His original story was that her step dad could take him after an appointment at 10:00 but he had to stay with him until then. I was livid. I could understand any other time when he wasn't already missing all the work but not this time. Plus, I don't believe for one minute that she missed 3 days of work because her step dad is retired and she asks him to watch him when she needs someone. He should have told her that he couldn't do it because he was already down on hours and having trouble paying bills this month. She would have figured something out. Needless to say, we argued because I feel like his motive is all about making her life easy and he doesn't consider the ramifications of how some of those decisions affect us, including my life any my daughter. I already was stressed over how to pay the bills and then its like he slaps me in the face and says that I don't matter. He always tries justifying it by saying he is trying to do right by his son. If you think I'm being ridiculous, just wait, there is more. So I am so upset that I come home early from work this morning. Lo and behold he isn't at our house. I drive by her house and BAM her car is home. BUT SHE HAD TO GO TO WORK, RIGHT? I drive by his work but he's not there. I finally find him at his mother's place. She is at work so he is there with his son. I confront him and ask why the hell her car is home if she had to work today and was afraid she would lose her job. He said he didn't know. Then I asked why he wasn't at work since it was after 10:00. He said, "I took the day off." That wasn't the plan he told me the night before. I bring up the whole her not having the time off work and then he says, "She said she was taking a half day to do some things she needed to get done." I'm surprised my head didn't spin and pea soup didn't come out of my face. Seriously! At that point I told him he's a liar, he lies to me all the time and he can move out. So he comes home later to get his stuff and then tells me that she originally told him she couldn't miss work or she would lose her job but today said she had to run some errands and take a half day. I asked if he got mad when she changed her story today. He said, "Well, yeah but what am I going to do?" It is unbelievable to me. He is obviously a liar and will always do whatever she wants. I actually went to her house this morning to ask what the plan was supposed to be today to get her side to see how much he was lying but she wouldn't come to the door. Big Surprise! No one seems to be able to face the truth around here. So now he is in our home saying he is willing to go to couples counseling. I said ok because I love him and hate to give up but I know this is a lost cause. Unless I want to be a doormat and second fiddle this is never going to work. I'm so sad.


Carol 21 months ago

OMG!

Why do women have to be such a pain in the ass like that?

I suffer the same problem.

My fiancé´s ex is a f*cking c*unt.

She always gets away with murder.

She´s been able to go everywhere she wants and my fiancé is always there taking care of her daughter (Which is his responsability), but there is no freedom between us.

She always gets the last word and I know the problem is not that she´s a f*ucking c*unt, the problem is my fiancé has been so mistreated by her that he forgot what the pair hanging out of his pants are for.

She was the one who cheated on him, the one that abused him, the one who filed for divorce and yet she´s messing with our lives.


the new wife 21 months ago

I can relate! My husband's ex wife is the MOST selfish person I have ever met in my life! To the point she chooses her job over her children and has done it for years waaayy before I ever came into the picture. And the sad part is she cheated twice on my husband and when he met me AFTER their divorce, she decided to play victim amd act like the divorce was my fault.. now prior to me, she ALWAYS worked holidays never took off b/c she worked with her bf. Now all of a sudden after we got married she wants the kids for holidays to save face. So pathetic. She tries really hard to keep tabs on us. She needs a life! She doesn't help pay the kids tuition, she can't even pay for their school lunch which is $60 a mo. She actually signed up the daughter for the school bus and she signed up late so there's an extra fee. And the thing is the tuition is in my husband's name. She did it without saying anything then turn a around and tells the kid that SHE'S paying for it! We set that straight very fast with the kid and the hill is $1100 plus that $50 late fee.. but thank God we were blessed and didn't have to pay for bus this year. Didn't find out till after the fact. Otherwise she would've got a nice punch in her mouth! The worst part is she pays the poor me, victim with kids. And makes the kids feel guilty for loving me. That's the worst part! She's forces the kids to choose sides.


sun-flower1996 profile image

sun-flower1996 19 months ago from new york

mona... i can so relate... my fiance's hubby is so crazy. but thankfully he has learnt his lesson and only talks to his kids and not her. and his ex sounds like your hubby's ex. she is also always burning bridges. congratulations on being such a wonderful step mom and the better mom. and i am so glad all turned out that way. the ex wife was the one who cheated on him couple of times too. he used to forgive but realized he couldn't take it any more. she's always out getting drunk.(doesn't really matter what day of the week it was and is) using the kids to try and manipulate. i answered his phone and told her that her manipulation is not working on me. this woman is crazy, she goes after married men. tries to break up their marriage but hopes her husband will be around. she is so psychotic after all that she had done she stalks him. he gives child support every month and yet she makes his kids call and ask for money for some school things. hello, she doesn't have to pay rent , he is paying for her car loan and child support. like what? i think her latest bf dumped her . coz she is quiet for a few months and then all of a sudden she just HAS to talk to him about the kids ! he keeps blocking her number. then she calls from a different number. (the kids can always contact him through their uncle who is their neighbor and he keeps in touch with the uncle all the time. this same uncle was his brother in law and can't stand my hubby's ex wife. ) my husband is a good person so he feels bad to talk to her in a mean way. so now he just hangs up if he hears her voice. she keeps trying to use the kids. we went to pick them up once and what da ya know, the kids were fine, they saw me waiting in the car and then she said something to them and then they cried and refused to come with us. she is always so toxic , the way she carries herself i bet she will end up alone.


sun-flower1996 profile image

sun-flower1996 19 months ago from new york

not ALL ex wives are evil. just the ones we are having problems with are. i'm sorry all of you (ex wives and present wives) had to go through all that BS! i am so relieved there is this wonderful place i can go and read and share about this insanity...


Lee 19 months ago

Wow i'm not the only one!

I'm so feed up dealing with my husband ex too. But keep trying to hold back and don't say anything because of my husband and the child.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 19 months ago from Pennsylvania Author

Sorry, Kat. I see this comment is from 4 months ago. I'm still here, checking from time to time. How can I help?


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 19 months ago from Pennsylvania Author

Cas, I totally agree. The support money should be spent on the kids... Sure the ex needs to keep a roof over their heads and a car to transport them around but not having things they need like clothes when she gets that much money is unacceptable.


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 19 months ago from Pennsylvania Author

Stressed out Ana,

I hope the past 6 months have gotten better for you. Only you can make the decision on how to proceed. I will say that it sounds like the ex likes to have "control" so when in public, she will act how she pleases but what goes on at your home is your business and you have every right to dictate how thing will be there. You get to put your foot down and make the rules there. It's great to be civil, but if it were me, I would just ignore her as she does you. If you see her in public with the child, say a pleasant hello to the child and completely ignore her if that's how she prefers it. I've found the more you ignore someone, the more they will crave the attention that they're lacking. Maybe try ignoring her and after a while (could take some time) she will most likely start trying to interact with you and then maybe a better relationship can begin to develop. I wouldn't worry about having a relationship with her too much though. As long as your partner and the kids have a good relationship with you, that's really all that will matter in the long run.

Hope this helps. Please keep me posted if you wish...


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 19 months ago from Pennsylvania Author

Liz S,

Sorry I haven't seen this till now. Have thing gotten any better since you wrote this? How have things been since you got married?


NikkiSpangler profile image

NikkiSpangler 19 months ago from Pennsylvania Author

If you have the time and want to pick him up, that's great. But it's up to you. It's not your responsibility.


I am the ex 10 months ago

I would like to add to this conversation as the ex. I had two children with a man and I was the breadwinner when he had cancer and when my children were 4 and 6 he moved across the country to work (as he stated). I did not receive much child support for several years as he always stated he was not making much but I still allowed him to be a BIG part of our lives and we were actually friends until he met his new wife. A VERY WEALTHY new wife who earns a very good income. We welcomed her until they both started playing games (like getting married without even inviting his own children and was hidden from us from the entire family). So that was forgiven and then he became ill and in recovery his new wife took care of all bills. He has not paid ANY child support since and states they are watching their pennies. In yet, they fly first class on her points and vacation in luxurious hotels but state they have no points to bring the children to see them at xmas. Top this one, 4 days this entire year this man who almost lost his life has seen his children. 4 days. As the ex I have been raising them financially and emotionally for the last 6 years and then when I ask I am accused of harassing him for money he does not have. canada laws do not input his new wife's income so she basically lets him do minimal work and they live a life of no kids and fine dining, etc. In yet, she complains to everyone that I am a pyscho ex as I keep asking him to do the right thing and support his kids. Funny how there are two sides to every story. As far as I am concerned, any man who walks away from his children is weak and the new wife can have him. To add to this, his own children feel as though they are unimportant to him. This is the first time in 6 years that I have finally decided to let Ken and Barbie live their lives but I will not subject my children to any more emotional roller coaster.

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