The Sad Story of How my Brother Lost His Battle with Alcohol Addiction

David with his Beloved Guitar

What is Alcohol Addiction

Definition of Alcohol Addiction according to Mara Tyler in Healthline Magazine:

Addiction to alcohol is a widespread disease that affects people of all walks of life. Experts have tried to pinpoint causes such as genetics, gender, racial or socioeconomic factors that may predispose someone to alcoholism, but studies have shown there is no singular cause, and the disease can afflict anyone.

Signs of Alcohol Addiction

According to an article written in Healthline, the following could be signs of alcohol addiction:

  • increased quantity or frequency of use
  • higher tolerance when drinking or lack of “hangover” symptoms
  • drinking at inappropriate times (first thing in the morning) or places (church or work)
  • wanting to be where alcohol is present and avoiding situations where it is not
  • changes in friendships (an alcoholic will choose friends who drink just as heavily)
  • avoiding contact with loved ones
  • hiding alcohol where no one will find it, or hiding while drinking
  • dependence on alcohol to function or be “normal” in everyday life
  • increased lethargy, depression, or other emotional issues
  • legal or professional problems such as an arrest or loss of job

Memories of my Brother

Pictured left to right: Linda, (me) David, Laura.
Pictured left to right: Linda, (me) David, Laura.
Dave with his hands on my shoulders- (far right).
Dave with his hands on my shoulders- (far right).
We had great times living on Lake Minnetonka.
We had great times living on Lake Minnetonka.
Four of Five siblings playing in the twins room.
Four of Five siblings playing in the twins room.
Looking dapper in our Sunday best. Dave is pictured in the front  (on right).
Looking dapper in our Sunday best. Dave is pictured in the front (on right).
Dave pictured in upper right corner. We called him  'Cindy-Lou'  when he had long hair.
Dave pictured in upper right corner. We called him 'Cindy-Lou' when he had long hair.
Dave (making a funny face) pictured front and center with his long time band, "Bacchus."
Dave (making a funny face) pictured front and center with his long time band, "Bacchus."
I've always loved this picture of Dave and Laura. I took this when they were teens.
I've always loved this picture of Dave and Laura. I took this when they were teens.

My Brother's Struggle with Alcoholism Eventually Ended his Life

Dear Dave, I've been thinking about you more than usual lately because you would've turned the big "50" on January 8. It's hard to fathom you've been gone for ten years already. I've been trying to write you for some time, but wasn't ready until now. I have so many raw emotions and feelings swirling inside of me. I think about what you could have been if it wasn't for the insidious disease that crippled your mind, body and soul. You were a prisoner of sorts; every waking moment was about feeding your addiction. It was a tiresome, painful journey, but at least you were alive. We all hoped and prayed you'd eventually work through your demons and live the life you always deserved.




Addiction Changed our Relationship

We were very close in childhood and well into our twenties. You, Laura and I, pretty much did everything together because you were only a year older. The three of us even looked alike and had many things in common, especially our love of music. Laura and I loved when you called us on stage to sing with you and the band or jammed at the house with our friends. Life with you was a blast until alcohol started to pull us apart. Your drinking changed you. Your sweetness, charm, intelligence and incredible talents started to fade away as your alcoholism progressed. You even turned your back on your beloved passion and true love of your life. The guitar was always a part of you, and when you put it away, I knew you were losing your greatest joy in life. To me, this was when I knew you were giving up and alcohol was winning the battle.

The Last Years of your Life were Hard to Watch

Those last ten years of your life were painful for you, and difficult for loved ones to watch. I will never forget the night I was watching the local news, and there you were. Your mug shot reflected a sad man that had lost his soul. Your physical body was there but your true being had gone somewhere else. Your eyes were now hollow and desperate. You were driving home from your job at the airport after putting in a full day. You were pulled over because of reckless driving and given a breathalyzer test. Your blood alcohol was a shocking .43. The police found luggage in your back seat that you'd stolen from baggage claim. There were those who were insensitive and callous by asking if I was embarrassed about your latest escapade. I told them in no uncertain terms, "I am not embarrassed, just grateful that my brother is still alive." I knew then as I'd known for years, that this disease had a hold on you and may cause you to die early, just like mom. You tried sobering up and voluntarily entered treatment three times, but you'd eventually succumb to your craving and addiction for alcohol.

Your roommate of many years, finally had enough. She kicked you out, knowing she was enabling you and your drinking. She was in love with you even though she knew you didn't reciprocate the feeling. For you, she was a friend, and a place to lay your head. She would fill the refrigerator with beer and make sure to keep it restocked to make you happy. It was a toxic and co-dependent relationship, but eventually, she found the courage and strength to let you go.

You found yourself living on the streets, eventually moving into a homeless shelter. Several months later you qualified for a place to live. It was a section-8-transitional housing unit in downtown Minneapolis, serving those deemed 'homeless.

The Dreaded Phone Call

I received the dreaded call I'd always feared would come. It was your older sister, wailing on the other end, trying to get the words out. "A policeman just came to my door. He's dead, David is dead."

Friends and staff hadn't seen or talked to you in a few days and became worried. The landlord went to your apartment to make a welfare check. Sadly, he found your lifeless body lying in bed. You were fully dressed and still had shoes on your feet. The toxicology report showed you died from an overdose of OxyContin and alcohol. Just like our mother, you lived a very short life because of the power of addiction. You outlived mom by only one year.


A Special Message the Day of your Funeral

The day of your funeral, we were given a special message from your cousin. Mike shared that he bumped into you just a week before you died. He was able to talk with his friend and manager of a popular downtown bar to get you a spontaneous gig. It was nearing bar time and the place was packed. Mike had no idea the healing he provided the family. None of us knew you were playing your beloved guitar again. You put it away for years because of the addiction. I believe God knew you needed to play for a big audience before you died. Word has it, you rocked the place!

Why I had to Cut Ties with you

I know we didn't talk much those last years but it was too painful for me. I had to set limits and take care of myself, especially when you'd call me drunk and get verbally abusive. I know now that your'e in heaven, you understand why I had to sever ties. I loved you David! It was the behavior from the addiction I hated. I dream of you often, and treasure the precious time with you. In my dreams, your healthy as a horse and not addicted to alcohol. It's just you and me the way we used to be before you got so sick. I love and miss you brother. Happy 50th birthday.

Stairway to Heaven-One of my Brother's Favorite Songs

Losing a Sibling

Have you experienced the pain of losing a sibling

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© 2012 Linda Rogers

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Comments 83 comments

Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

Hi Linda,

Addiction sucks and I understand what it is like to fear that dreaded phone call. Thank you so much for sharing your personal journey. I hope in some way, pieces like this trigger others to get the help that they need and deserve.

Sharyn


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 4 years ago from On the edge

I had no idea. I suspected you and your sis had some trials in your lives as is often the case when carrier choices involve Mental Health. Good has come from these horrible experiences by all of the help that you both give, but I realize that is small solace when you lose two such important people to this insidious disease.

I'm glad you were able to write this and have a small inkling how difficult it was to do. I hope, as Sharon does, that someone reads this and benefits from the pain and suffering your family went through.


Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 4 years ago from Isle of Man

You have written a very moving and heart rending hub which I am sure will touch the hearts of all who read it. Mr Happy said "We are all One", in a recent comment on another hub that made me remember it when you said "You were thirty-nine years old, the same age mom died of alcoholism".

Sometimes the connections are so strong that the subconscious forces that propel us to do the things we do are greater than our own conscious desires.

I am sure that your brother is reading your hub through each of us and will be feeling the love you have sent him in this beautiful hub. Thank you.


Mr. Happy profile image

Mr. Happy 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

I am happy that your brother is with You in Spirit. There are things he can say now, being free of the fire-water and any perceived illness. Hence the dreams. He loves You.

In Spirit we are all One.

Much love. Thank You.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 4 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Addiction is such a vicious disease. It takes the mind, the heart and the soul prisoners, and not everyone can find the key. The other victims are the loved ones of the addict. It took such courage to write this hub, and I am happy to know that David is with you in spirit. Bless you. :-)


Duffee profile image

Duffee 4 years ago

Wow--what a powerful post. Watching a loved one go through addiction is really hard..and we do what we need to do to cope. I'm so sorry you've lost your brother--he was so young!! HUGS to you Linda-- I'm glad you finally wrote him this letter. Cheers, Jenn.


chinemeremz profile image

chinemeremz 4 years ago

Your writing reflects so much sincerity that I feel overwhelmed with emotions each time I read your hubs.

This is yet another one of your awe inspiring piece, sorry for your loss my friend. Stay put, stay tight.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Sharyn-It is my hope that my story about Dave can help those that suffer with this crummy disease. Dave tried a few times to sober up but he just couldn't do it for the long haul. I know he's at peace now and not having to deal with the addiction that kept him miserable. I really appreciate you taking time to read my hub. It took me ten years to write but better late than never.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

I feel your pain in your letter. I'm so sorry. Alcoholism is such a dreadful disease. Thank you for sharing your family pictures. I hope by writing this letter you find a more perfect peace..Blessings my friend..


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Pooh-It's really nice to see you here :-) Yes, it took me ten years to be ready to write about Dave. I was pretty angry the last years of his life and I had to go through different stages of grief when he died. It's been a journey to say the least but I'm at a pretty good place with Dave and I today. I know his addiction had nothing to do with me and my family. He loved us but the alcohol became number one in his life. I do hope I can reach other addicts and family members of addicts that don't know what to do. Your coming by and reading this, means a great deal to me. Your right that sis and I got into the mental health field because of the difficulties we've faced in this life. It helps so much to write about the struggles and knowing it may reach someone that needs to read it. Blessings Pooh.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Spirit Whisperer-Your heartfelt comments always bring me such comfort. You are so wise about the whole unconscious and how we tend to repeat patterns. We all have the power to overcome family patterns and make better choices. I know by the end of Dave's life, he was beyond that but at a certain point, we do have the strength to go down a better road. The saddest thing about Dave is that God gave him so many incredible talents. He was so funny he could've been a comedian. He was a musical genius. He could pick up any instrument and play it since he was a young boy. It use to freak my mom out. He was the lead guitarist in his band/bands and lead singer as his voice was amazing. He was smart, charming...I could go on and on. When Dave would go into treatment and we'd tell him that he had more gifts than any of us siblings put together, he would get upset. I think it made him feel pressure to add up but that's not what our intention was. He was just so blessed with so many talents that most of us only dream of. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming by and giving me your caring words of support. I am so blessed to have met you here on HubPages.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Mr. Happy-I have goosebumps from your words of wisdom that "we are all one." It is so true and I agree that David can now be with me in my dreams as a whole being without the monkey on his back and painful addiction. In my dreams he looks so angelic and healthy and happy. It's very healing for me.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

I couldn't have said it better Genna. Alcoholism or any drug addiction can rob you of everything you are. David lost his true self years before he died. Seeing him on the local news and that mug shot was Very painful. He looked dead already and it scared me so much. I knew he was at the end of his life because he was in the last stages of alcoholism. I hope this hub can help addicts and family members of addicts. I have done a lot of healing but anger was something I really had to work through for quite a while.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Jenn-Ya, addiction stinks! Losing my mom in 4th grade and then my brother has sure tested me. I've learned so much with these struggles and hopefully I can help others who are either addicted or living with a loved one with addiction. It was no accident that sis and I ended up in the mental health field. It was partly our way to work through the pain and grief. Thanks for reading Jenn-I really appreciate it :-)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Chinemeremz-Thanks for your warm and complimentary comment. I like to write from the heart and keep it real. I feel that is the best way to heal and keep the reader interested. I think it also comes from the obstacles I've faced in life. Life is short and living fully includes saying it like it is. :-) Blessings friend


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

So nice to see you here, always exploring. Writing this letter was very healing for me and it was just the right time. It took ten years to get here but it feels really good to just put it out there. I know Dave is cool with it too now that he's in a better place.


stessily 4 years ago

MT, There is such a disconnect for creative people between the world which exists in their hearts and the world of "normal life" in which they are expected to live. They may move in the world of concrete and time machines but they live and have their being in the creativity of their hearts. It is sad to see their creativity shattered by "therapeutic" adjuncts to which they turn to get them through the two realities, the one of their hearts and the one imposed by daily life.

What does this line mean before the Led Zeppelin song: "Thanks bro for telling me what video you wanted."


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Stessily-Life was really hard for Dave. He seemed to take mom's death the hardest and was such an artistic guy. He hit the drugs and alcohol very young. I think he was in about 6th grade-A year after mom's death. At first his partying was the normal rebellious stuff but eventually it snow balled into a full-blown chronic disease. Regarding the video: I couldn't figure out what video to upload for Dave and I was thinking on the lines of something kinda sad. I went to bed that night before I published the hub and Dave told me to play one of his favorite songs which he played and sang beautifully. Here I was thinking some sappy tribute song until Dave came to me in my dream. He's been in my dreams more than ever lately and I'm lovin it. I think Dave knows I've done a lot of healing and I won't be too hard on him in the dream. Hee hee-In the past, I was really giving it to him. :-0


stessily 4 years ago

MT, "Stairway to Heaven" is a lovely choice; I can see why Dave chose it. Much love and healing and forgiveness seem to flow from your family, especially through dreams. I'm reminded of Isaiah 30:15: "In returning and rest you shall be saved."

Thank you for sharing these memories, which are healing for all.


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 4 years ago from malang-indonesia

This hub full with "love" and how you care with your brother. I learn many things from this hub and your spirit in share love will never end...amen. Thank you very much. God bless you!

Prasetio


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks again Stessily-Your warm comments and the time you've taken to read my work, means a lot to me. Thanks for sharing that wonderful scripture too-it's very comforting.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Prasetio-Only one with a beautiful heart could say such wonderful things about a piece of writing. God has given you such a lovely spirit and soul. I am so glad I met you on Hubpages. Blessings back to you my friend :-)


Derdriu 4 years ago

Minnetonka Twin, What a compassionately balanced, honest, revelatory tribute to your brother! The photos are so heart-warmingly indicative of the emotional links which unite siblings who ultimately are companion souls in their understanding of each other. The Led Zeppelin song is a dramatically effective way of remembering your brother.

Thank you for sharing, voted up + all,

Derdriu


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago

This was such a Beautiful and Moving Tribute to your Brother Dave, Minnetonka Twin. I could feel your pain, having lost a Beautiful Niece to her addiction, Drugs. She too was such a Talented Artist. Hopefully they are now safe from harm, and Happy in that place we call Heaven.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks for your kind comments about my tribute to my brother. I appreciate it Derdriu :- Dave loved Led Zeppelin and played and sang his music really well. I love your vocabulary and all your knowledge. I'm going to learn so much from you.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

b.Malin-That's what helps me through it-knowing their in heaven, at peace and out of pain. I am so sorry about your niece. Addiction stinks! Thanks so much for coming by.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Hi, Alcohol addiction is a horrible thing to catch hold of someone, I lost my best friend last year because of it, so I understand your pain because of this, Dave would be so proud to see this lovely piece that you wrote about him, take care nell


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks very much Nell. I am really sorry to hear of your loss as well. It's so painful and hard to watch someone you love get so pulled in from this disease. God Bless friend.


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

Such a beautiful picture of your brother and such a sad story. I lost a brother David whose birthday was on Jan 9. Never a birthday goes by I don't remember and I am sure it is the same with you. May God give you peace when you remember him.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Wow Jackie, we sadly have a lot in common. I am so sorry for your loss too. I do think of Dave a lot but especially on his birthday. Me and my twin sister's birthday is Jan. 13, not long after his. I really thank you for reading this story. It's sad but I know his story may help someone out there whose struggling.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Minnetonka...this was very powerful. I am so very sorry you were robbed of the last years of your brother's life. Sometimes I can see that people's addictions are much stronger than the person is and it is a terrible waste.

I hope that you keep on having and enjoying those beautiful dreams about the good times together:) I know how good those feel when you miss someone who has passed on. It is awesome:) Voted way way up.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi RealHouseWife and thanks for voting on this hub. Ya, addiction stinks and I wish I didn't have to lose a brother and mom to this disease. I do love having the nice dreams about both of them. Thanks so much for reading my tribute and story about Dave.


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 4 years ago from South Carolina

I read this when you first published it but was too overcome with emotion to leave a comment at that time. My situation with my own brother was eerily similar to what you've outlined here. He too, succombed to alcoholism and died just before his 45th birthday. That was over 10 years ago and my sister and I still call each other each year on what would have been his birthday.

He was so bright, talented and full of life and fun as a child but there was much pain during his years of alcohol abuse and it was always hard to walk the line between trying to be there for him and staying away from him for our own mental health.

Fortunately a friend of his notified us of his last hospitalization (my brother did not want us notified because he was ashamed because he'd once again failed in his efforts for rehab) and when we learned his condition was terminal we were able to be there at his bedside every day for the last week of his life and we were even able to facilitate a "reunion" with his 18 year old daughter who had been estranged from him for a number of years. Both his daughter, and myself were with him when he peacefully died.

Thanks for sharing this intimate information on Hub Pages.

Voted up across the board except for funny.


Terri Meredith profile image

Terri Meredith 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

It's funny I should come upon this hub at this place in time. Over the last several months I've been dealing with a dear friend who has been struggling with drugs and alcohol most of his adult life. His father died when he was very young. His mother died several years ago, followed by his only sister who drank herself to death. His parents were only children so he has no cousins or aunts and uncles. The loneliness is only making recovery harder. He has placed himself in rehab over and over again, only to fail within weeks. Being familiar with Bipolar Disorder, I took him to the emergency room at the Veteran's Hospital. After all these years of failure, he's been diagnosed as Bipolar with schizophrenic tendencies. (no, I'm not that brilliant. He was just that obvious) He is still struggling with his illness due to a need to find the correct medications and amounts, but eventually it is thought that he will be able to spend more of his life sober and clean, though occasional relapses are known to happen with the disorder. I pray that he will not become another statistic.

Thank you for writing such a moving tribute to your brother.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Oh my happyboomernurse-I am so choked up reading the story of your brother. Our brothers did have so much in common, it's spooky. What really pains me is how the disease brings on such shame. I am so glad his friend called you, so you could all get some closure and let him know you loved him despite the chaos of the addiction. Being able to be with him in his last days is a blessing and I am so happy for you and your family for getting that. Although I was estranged from David for my own sanity, I still have some guilt. I just wish I could have had some closure with him like you did. I have to believe it all happened the way it was meant to. I do treasure the dreams of David and some of the visits he's made to our family. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story as I know it wasn't easy for you. I'm giving you a big Hub Hug right now.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Terri-I'm glad that your friend has you in this crazy world. It's a blessing that he has finally been given a diagnosis so he can be on medication to help some of the behaviors from bi-polar and schizophrenia. I can't imagine that he has gone all this time, struggling and not knowing the root cause of his problems. I have to wonder if his sister also had this diagnosis. It's so sad! I will hope and pray that your friend will find the right medications that will give him some peace and sobriety. God Bless you for sharing this story. I think it helps to talk about the struggles in life so we all know we aren't alone.


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 4 years ago from Guildford

Such an informative and caring hub. It was so wonderful to read!


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 4 years ago from West Virginia

As always MT, very deep. Your character shines bright in all your articles I must say. You have such a big heart. The world would be so much better with just one more of you MT. Your a kind soul who deserves nothing but the best. Very thoughtful just as you are. Great work and I wish you all the best friend.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks acaetnna for reading my tribute to my dear brother. It felt healing to get it off my chest.


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 4 years ago from Houston, Texas

This has left a lump in my throat. So sorry for all of the pain that you felt when your brother was alive and suffering from alcoholism. It is so nice that you are seeing Dave in your dreams. I am seeing my family that way also and it brings comfort to me.


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 4 years ago from Houston, Texas

Forgot to mention...you have some nice pictures and just continue to relish the memories of the happy times, as I know that you do.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks Peggy. Yes, the dreams of David are really good now. When he first died the dreams were pretty dark but now he looks great and we enjoy being with each other again. Glad you liked the pictures. The process of writing this hub and digging through old pictures was very therapeutic and healing for me. Thanks so much Peggy for reading my tribute to Dave :-)


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 4 years ago from Houston, Texas

Isn't it wonderful that we have our dreams! I would like to think that they are communicating with us in that way until we too cross over into the next life where we can be together again.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

I like to think that too Peggy. I know how great it feels to have those dreams.


KDee411 profile image

KDee411 4 years ago from Bay Area, California

My Dear New Friend,What a sad way to meet. I'm so sorry about your brother. My son would also be 50 this year. He was shot to death at the age of 27. I share those times with you. We never stop missing them, but God does comfort the greaver in time.

My youngest girls are also twins and have that special bond that you and 2win2 have shared your whole lives. One of my twins is now the mother of 2wins.

I look forward to reading more of your hubs. Vote up+. Kay


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

I am so sorry Kay that we have the losses in common. Your son and my brother are the same age :-0 I knew from your bio that you have had quite a journey. Were both survivors and that makes us deep new friends. Thanks for sharing Kay.


drpastorcarlotta profile image

drpastorcarlotta 4 years ago from BREAKOUT MINISTRIES, INC. KC

I would love to share this with my clients. I am a Substance Abuse Counselor/Pastoral Counselor. I am trained to work with people who abuse drugs and alcohol. Drugs don't care who you are or how much money you have. God Bless you always... I have missed you!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

I would be very open and happy to have you share the story of my dear brother. I hope that my tribute to Dave can help others that are struggling with any addiction. There is hope to heal but unfortunately it didn't work for my brother. He went through treatment a few times. You are so right. Addiction can hit anyone at any time. My brother's life had so much promise but the alcohol and drug addiction ruined many of his dreams. He once shared with me and his other siblings that his life was like "walking through muck." He had a very hard life. I know he is at peace but miss him so much!


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

You were able to write this about your brother, you were able to tell him you loved him. Your amazing courage in doing so, releases a small bit of the pain to the universe.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

You are right mockbird-I guess I have done some healing for this. I really appreciate your support and kind words for me.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

I loved this truly beautiful hub. it is so precious for us to keep the memories of our loved ones alive and you are certainly doing so.

Take care my friend and thank you for sharing this gem.

Eddy.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks so much Eddy for reading my tribute to Dave. Memories are what keep me going for sure. Great to see you here my friend :-)


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 4 years ago from Guildford

Beautiful, completely beautiful. Memories should always be treasured.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks acaetnna-It was time to get it off my chest and I feel much better now. I miss him dearly but he is still in my heart. Thanks for dropping in :-)


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 4 years ago

Minnetonka Twin, Hearfelt & beautiful! This will help many! You have painfully and wonderfully expressed the anguish of losing a sibling! Abuse of Drugs & Alcohol continues to take many casualties... Your love for your brother is touching and the lingering grief evident! Setting healthy boundaries was a further display of your love. Continue to cherish the good memories! You now carry him in your heart! Thank You for sharing, In HIS Love, Grace, Mercy, Peace & Blessings to You!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dearest DeBorrah-I can't tell you how comforting your words were for me regarding..."setting healthy boundaries was a further display of your love." I have dealt with some guilt about it because I am a loving person. Being in the mental health field, I knew in my head (logically) that I had to set boundaries but my heart ached when I did so. One thing that helps me is knowing that I often told him that I loved him and would love to talk when he was sober. He would usually get very verbally abusive when I did this and I would hang up. Unfortunately, there weren't many times he was sober the last years where he could take me up on my offer. Thanks for making my soul sing tonight with your peaceful and loving spirit. You always make me feel better DeBorrah. God Bless you my friend.


writer20 profile image

writer20 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

I am so sorry you had to go through that dreadful time with David. At least he found peace in the end.

I lost my brother David, 18 months ago. Live seems empty without him , Joyce.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

So Sorry to hear of your loss Joyce. I can relate to that feeling of life feeling empty. Kind of strange we both lost our David's. I know our brothers are in heaven and at peace.


cleaner3 profile image

cleaner3 4 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

My Dearest Linda, WOW, This will not be a lyrical response because as I was reading this hub I was struck by the similarities of our lives. I had a Brother named David who died in a drowning accident. My wife is a cancer survivor. We both love poetry. I wrote a hub to my brother. We have so much in common. Wow, is all I want to say.

If you want to give me your thoughts it would be great, in fact I would welcome them for I am just amazed at how we have come to each other. I do believe in fate, that things and people are meant to happen and that the timing of all things, are connected to actions and reactions. Well enough of that.

love you always.

Michael


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Michael-That is really crazy all the similarities in our lives. I am so sorry to hear you also lost a brother and that your wife is a cancer survivor. Now wonder we both love poetry. It gets out all our emotions, good and bad. You and I are survivors, that's the bottom line my friend. I am glad I met you here as you understand what it's like to go through tough situations in life. How is your wife doing?? please let me know. I'm 8 years cancer-free at this point and the odds of mine coming back is very low now. Thank you for sharing so much with me Michael, I appreciate it.


cleaner3 profile image

cleaner3 4 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

My Dearest linda, My wife is doing great. the doctors are amazed that she came back so soon. she quit drinking soda, only drinks water and eats only fruits and veggies.

i come from a background of only tough situations. If I told you everything I would have to kidnap you and kill you.!!LOL

I am so glad that you are sooo doing good now. Thank the lord for now you will always be in my prayers.

Love you always

Michael


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

You are so kind Michael-thanks for the prayers :-)

What kind of cancer did your wife have if it's ok to ask?

BTW, I come from a tough background too so no need to hurt me. LOL


cleaner3 profile image

cleaner3 4 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

My dearest Linda, I'm not that sure of the technical name because she doesn't like to talk about it to me. it was breast cancer but her sister said the doctor told her it was the weakest kind that there was, and it was curable . so thank god for that. I was just joking (my sick sense of humor) about killing you. I was taught by my mother to NEVER hit a woman. I am a lover not a fighter , but only with women.I love the female species. I guess that's why I write my poems to all women in general. Ha, Ha, but don't tell nobody.

Love you Always

Michael.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Michael-I sooo know your a lover and not a fighter and knew you were being funny. I had to laugh about you saying, "I write my poems to only women but don't tell anybody." All of us on Hubpages know that you appreciate women and it's no secret my friend. LOL I am relieved to hear that your wife had a very weak and curable cancer. Breast cancer is very curable if found in time and it sounds like that's the case here. Hope your having a great weekend you awesome lover of women!!! P.S. Glad to hear your mama taught you well. I couldn't imagine you being anything but kind to a woman. You are all Heart!


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Oh so sad.. I am so sorry for you.. I hate alcohol addition.. it destroys lives.. what a great letter you wrote to your brother.

Bless you

Debbie


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Deborah-Yes,this disease stinks!! I really miss my brother, mother and father. Writing this letter to Dave was very healing for me.


sweethearts2 profile image

sweethearts2 3 years ago from Northwest Indiana

You're right we do have a lot in common. My brother struggled with alcohol addition during his life as well. He did manage to control this struggle on a day to day basis, knowing at the end of the day it would be OK. Thank you for sharing a part of yourself with all who benefit with your insight and personal story.


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 3 years ago

So many gifted people in the world especially like your brother fight a battle with alcohol and lose everything they have.Your wonderful tribute to your brother helps so many others realize the struggles and he and you and your whole family face due to the dreaded disease.I deeply understand how hard it had to be for you and feel for your loss.May your brother always play so wonderfully that we can all hear him.Your love is so precious.You can only do so much and heping others understand the tradegy of losing someone so close and wishing it wasn't true.Thanx for sharing a deep and emotional hub.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear sweethearts-I see they (our David's) had even more in common-I know our brothers are where they need to be now-in heaven with no more struggles of this earthly plane-thank you as well for sharing your story and reading mine. God Bless and Happy New Year!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear DREAM ON-your comment about Dave playing in heaven for all of us to hear brought tears to my eyes. I will always miss him but I know he is now in heaven with God and his unconditional love. I always hope the struggles and triumph's in my life will help others that read about them. God Bless and Happy New Year my friend :-)


Ryan McGill profile image

Ryan McGill 3 years ago from Omaha, NE

What a heart wrenching story Minnetonka. I have only one sister and can't imagine losing her, much less to an addictive disease. A wonderful eulogy and what strength it mast have taken to protect your boundaries. My deepest condolences to you and your family.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks so much Ryan for your sweet and comforting words. I can't believe it's already been 10 years since his passing. Such a sad waste as he had everything going for him except for the addiction. He was charming, handsome, smart and a pure genius of a musician. He never even knew how to read music but his guitar playing and singing was incredible. Thanks again for coming by and reading about my brother. It means so much to know Dave can help others with his story. Blessings and have a great weekend.


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

Minnetonka Twin,

This is probably the saddest thing I've ever read. It's amazing when the story of another's life is powerful enough to make you cry. I am so sorry about the tragedy and loss that you and your family have had to deal with. This is such a beautiful letter and I'm so glad that you wrote it. I can't even imagine having to deal with something like this. You've made me put things in perspective and I'm just going to be happy tomorrow for what I have.

You have been to hell and back but you have angel's wings.

Hugs to you!

Cat


Patriot Quest profile image

Patriot Quest 3 years ago from America

addictions are horrible things, No one is immune, this and stories like Randy Travis should be a wake up call to many. I have a gambling addiction, I understand addictions now, where I didn't before. A person will do things he hates of himself without any control. The subject can get much deeper. I would add this is why we must strive to put the hope of God in our lives..........nothing else can help us.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

It is so true Patriot~addictions are only healed through trust and hope in God. My brother just couldn't beat it, even after going to treatment several times. He was such a talented guy and it was so hard to watch him go down that ugly road. I really appreciate your heart felt comment and the wisdom you bring to the subject.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Cat~you just made me tear up with your sweet heart-felt comment. I can tell you my friend that my tough past has made me the strong woman I am today. I have had much pain and loss but it's made me one tough gal. You are so sweet Cat and I'm so glad I met you here. Your comments are always so thoughtful and supportive. Big Hub Hug to you my friend.


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

Minnetonka Twin,

I've thought about this so much since I've read it, it's really stuck with me. You must be a strong woman, just in finding a way to keep living after tragedies like this. So many people seem to either forget to live or what living they do, is full of bitterness and resentment, yet you are uplifting and truly a wonderful person. I'm so grateful that I have met you! Big Hub Hug right back at ya!

Cat


Beth37 3 years ago

Heartbreaking... Im sorry. And as an alcoholic myself, a good reminder.

Thank you.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Beth~thank you for taking time out to read about my beautiful brother. He tried to fight the disease and walked himself into treatment many times but he just couldn't stay sober. Thanks for sharing your struggle. Hopefully David's story can somehow inspire and help others.


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

Hello Linda,

Your story has brought me to tears with the beauty of your writing style and the depth of the words about your dear brother. My heartfelt condolences go out to you on your loss. What you've shared here will undoubtedly help others who have shared this devastating loss. I can't imagine the pain of losing a brother - so close in age. It's clear to see he was a handsome man of great talent, depth and sensitivities. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your tribute to him is a lasting memory of the good times. Loved the pictures over the years.

Peg


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

God Bless you Peg for your heart-felt comment. You really understood the close relationship of Dave and I. He was an amazing man with so much talent but that darn addiction ripped it all away. Thanks for touching me today with your love and comforting words.


imtii profile image

imtii 2 years ago from Dhaka, Bangladesh

Addiction really drags everyone to the end of life. I pray for your brother. And I am glad that you wrote this post. The life story you shared might just help others to protect their family and friends. It may even the people who are in great much drawn to addiction. I really loved your article thank you for sharing. Giving you a up vote.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

imtii-Thank you so much for that heart felt comment on my story of addiction. We miss our brother so much but know he is now at peace. I do hope our family story can help others who are either struggling with an addiction, or a family member that is watching their loved one suffer addiction.

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