Define Girlfriend

Girlfriend defined.

Websters dictionary definition: a female friend: a regular or frequent female companion.

Todays definition: a female friend with benefits, ie: sex, housekeeper, financial benefits, on call at males convience. Has a one on one relationship with the male counterpart.

In the past decades the definition of "girlfriend" has changed. In the old days the word meant something. it had an aura of respect. Courtship, engagement and then marriage. Today it has a totally different meaning. Today as more couples choose to live together before marriage, the title of girlfriend has many new obligations.

Today's live -in-girlfriend assumes the role of a wife without the legal protection of being a wife. Some states such as Texas recognize common law marriage, but this is not absolute protection. Children born of these unions are subject to Paternity tests to determine parentage if the union collapses. The common law wife (girlfriend) is not always entitled to the benefits of a legally recognized wife. I think the most annoying phrase I have ever heard from persons in this type of relationship is "Your not my wife so get off my a_ _." or "Well she's not really my wife, we just live together." 

I don't understand why a woman would subject herself to this treatment, I don't understand why I did. I'm still trying to figure it out, "I'm not your wife but I'm the one who cooks, cleans, does your laundry, and stays home with the kids while you are out partying with your buddies." I guess I must have missed something somewhere in the course "Relationships 101". Another annoying statement "Shes' my girlfriend, my partner, or even worse my friend or roomate."

When I was a little girl my grandma would facinate me with stories of the courtship of herself and my grandfather. The dates (and I don't mean going to his place for a quickie), the romance, flowers, long walks and such. But I guess the part I loved most was grandpa asking her father for her hand and getting down on one knee to propose to her. It was so Scarlett O'hara.  The waiting for your wedding night before diving under the sheets together. Oh the fantasies my ten year mind could spin in those days. I was and still remain a hopeless romantic. What happened to those days, those men, and the romance?

Grandma also gave me another piece of advice I would like to pass onto some of the young ladies, and women of today "Why buy the cow....When you can get the milk for free?"

In todays era if a man takes you to dinner or buys you a drink its almost like he expects SEX in return. If you are his girlfriend, you are expected to be in a relationship with him exclusively. On the other hand he sees it as "well it's not like we're married". There is still the double standard for men and women, you are in a relationship "you are his girlfriend" but he can still go out with the boys, an ocassional female, because you are just his "Girlfriend." Someone please help me define girlfriend.

If you move in together, you are still the "girlfriend" but somehow with the duties of a wife. Sure you may do things for him because you love him, but the day you are too busy to cater to his whims and desires, he becomes insulted. "You don't act like a wife", HELLO!!! I'm not your wife, I'm your "Girlfriend". And remember if you move into his place and it doesn't workout...he will more likely than not want you to be the one to go, even if you have been splitting expenses.

Ladies, I'm not saying all guys are this way..there are good ones out there, its just becoming a little harder to find them. Please don't put yourself into this situation, unless you are 99% sure it will work out and you won't just turn out to be just another roll in the sheets. Take time to know each other and light a flame that will keep burning. Remember the "Cow".

Also one from my parents "If I'm good enough to sleep with or live with, I'm good enough to marry".

Just make sure that you don't become a lifetime "Girlfriend". Unless of course thats what you want .

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Comments 17 comments

Idk 3 years ago

Well ladies here's a little bit of knowledge. A man knows if he wants to marry you or not. If a guy doesn't seem like he wants to marry you, he's actually waiting for someone else. He won't tell you this. But this is truth. He is looking at all the reasons why you are not worthy instead of all the reasons why you are. Remember he will lie to you about this. Pay attention to what he does.if what he does and says agree you're good if not well nothing else need be said.


angelmiller profile image

angelmiller 4 years ago from Washington

Great hub!!!Every woman should be treated like a little queen in the relationship.But as well she has to show some respect to her man.We all deserve the best!


Theonlydeziray 4 years ago

I have been in a relationship for 11 months and 2 weeks and have been living together with my boyfriend for 7 months. From day 1 we spoke of marriage...he is divorced, I've never been married. I'm 31, he is 30. I've always been the more responsible especially financially. Since the day we got together it seems I'm always making sacrifices for him. First it was sacrificing my money to buoy him up while he paid a settlement to his ex wife, then I took a back seat as he spent and spent and spent. All I wanted was a vacation but I couldn't get that without having first given him what he wanted. I told him I didn't want to play house, I expect to be married he said I'd have to wait two years BUT recently he decided to have cosmetic surgery. Surgery that will make it difficult for him to be entirely self sufficiently mobile for the next 10 months...I'm so stressed out because I feel like all I am to him is means for his ends...I got an iPad for Christmas to "keep me occupied" for the 10 months...not because he loved me. I basically sold my 31st year of life for an iPad. I won't have a companion, activity partner, lover or anything until he is better...with all this being said I'm not even sure if he'd ask me to marry him if I'd say yes. I'm just his girlfriend and am so overwhelmed with his responsibilities on my shoulders that thinking of a lifetime of this makes me rather kill myself then to be his lifetime slave. When I signed up for a relationship I thought I was signing up to have a friend, a companion and a mate for at least a couple of years of fun...all this relationship has been is responsibility after responsibility. I'm so burned out and I have no one to blame but me. Ladies please follow your instincts and don't sell yourself short like I did. You will not only regret it and resent it but you will lose precious time that could be put to taking care of yourself...if only I had read this article in the first month when I found out he lied about being married. I would've never even given him a second look. There is nothing worse losing your happiness over. Nothing. I hate him for asking this of me and can't wait for it to be over...so I can walk away and never look back. F*ck love!!!


trusouldj profile image

trusouldj 5 years ago from Indiana

Hot hub. Very good writing.


notquitecorso profile image

notquitecorso 6 years ago from Portland, Oregon

extremely well said...i couldn't agree more.


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

notquiet,

I so appreciate your comment. If you notice I always say not all men are like this. There are good men still out there. Scorpio is an excellent writer and I love the interaction he provides. You and scorpio are obiviously in that group. But with the gender change there is alot of differences today. I just admire the old age romance. I in no way think of men as soulless automatons. This was not to be a man bashing hub, instead to let the men who aren't as good know. I t matters to us when you show us appreciation. If I work all day, and still take care of your needs, domestic and sexual then I would at least like some recognition. I'm not saying the romance you showed at first but maybe a "thanks honey, dinner was great, or You make me feel so good, or your beautiful. These things mean the world to a woman. I always show my man the love and respect he deserves for working so hard to take care of me.

warmest regards,

chris


notquitecorso profile image

notquitecorso 6 years ago from Portland, Oregon

i simply feel that you seem to have this opinion that men are soulless automatons, hell-bent on taking and taking and taking...i couldn't disagree more...most 'good' men (and there are ALOT ladies, trust me) i know treat girlfriends, wives, and womankind in general with tremendous respect and affection...i still see chivalry and romance everyday...all that being said, i agree that gender roles have changed dramatically recently...and i would imagine it being difficult as a woman today...that being said scorpios last post really resonates with me.


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Ahh my dear Scorpio,

I think i didn't make myself clear. I dont mean a title as in "queen", rather as in "show the woman some respect, if you don't want to say my wife since as you stated technically shes not, then how about, my lady" some kind of acknowledgment". In a a relationship, you should let it be known that you are taken and deserving of recognition. I have been married 27 years and I will be the first when someone comes on to me to say "hey I have my man, my foundation, my rock, my heart" I give him the respect he deserves. The place he deserves. He in return shows me the same, by saying my lady, my star, my everything". I don't worry about him creeping and he doesn't either. So you can live together and have sex and both win ...its about mutual respect.

As for being equal to men..we often don't. I would love to see some of the men I see complaining about that B--ch I have at home, work 8 hours or more in 5 inch heels, come home cook, clean, feed you and the kids, and still go in for a marathon of sex on demand. Also notice I said in the hub, "some men" I do not in anyway imply all men are this way. I am not a man basher..just trying to get a little feedback from both sides of the bed.

Take care my friend,

Chris


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 6 years ago

I get your point regarding someone saying they aren't married while living with someone.

Although it's technically the truth and it's misleading or lying by omission to the new person.

"If I'm good enough to sleep with and take on the responsibilities of a wife then I feel I have at least earned the title."

I'm still wondering why is it when a man and a woman live together the woman is getting the short end of the stick. A guy may be doing all of the things a husband would do and yet he doesn't think or worry about "earning a title."

Is it possible for a man and woman to have sex or live togehter without anyone being a loser in the situation?

I guess the real question is do women really see themselves as "equals" to men?


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Scorpio,

Thanks for an excellent point of view and comment. It is true that things have changed alot since those times but I still have to agree with PM that one thing that has changed for the worse is womens attitudes about themselves. You do not need a man to validate you as a person...you should be able to do that on your own. Also poverty and income is a factor but I would rather scratch and scrape than have to live with someone for money.At the moment of breaking up it is alot easier to have a judge decide the division of property than to wind up with nothing. There is also the issue of self-respect. If i am contributing to the expenses of the household then I would expect some help on the domestic end. In the same topic "many times i have asked someone are you married?" The answer is an empathetic no!! What they did not say is they are living together with someone,,,after all shes not his wife. Women today do have many opportunities, so why sell ourselves short? We need to teach our daughters and sons respect, I don't believe this is done by "shacking". True there are many couples who have endured everything and are still together sans a marriage license but I still stick to the "If I'm good enough to sleep with and take on the responsibilities of a wife then I feel I have at least earned the title. Then again there are many women comfortable in this type of relationship..in that case it's all good.

Warmest regards,

Chris


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 6 years ago

Even those women who actually become a legal wife aren't necessarily happy especially if they married the wrong person. I think two major factors have changed from the days of grand-father.

1. The sexual revolution (better birth control methods)

This allowed women to have sex without as much concern for becoming pregnant. This in many ways made women feel they were "equal to men" and premarital sex became "the norm". It's a challenge to be both an Equal and Special.

Living together became popular and people begin to say "We don't need a piece of paper to define our relationship". Others viewed living together as a "test drive" to see if they really wanted to commit for life.

Once they've lived together for a couple of years it's easy just to stay in the status quo. "We're married in our hearts" and this works for some couples.

Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell have been together for 23 years without getting married.

Still others just "fall into" living together for convenience.

One or both people get tired of packing over-night bags and driving across town. Eventually as the relationship progresses one person leaves more clothes at the other person's house, they give each other keys to their mutual places, and one day they decide it doesn't make sense for them to be paying rent for 2 places so they move in together WITHOUT any marriage plans.

2. More career opportunities for women.

The good news is this gives more women financial independence. On the down side however men now expect women to not only do all of the "traditional" things women did in the past but also contribute financially.

These options have changed men's views of women.

Sex is easy to come by for most men.

This pushes a lot of women who might lean towards holding back phyiscally until there is an emotional commitment to go ahead have sex because they're competition is doing it.

There are also lots of women who have no interest in getting married. They're making good money, own their own home and don't want children.

They don't see an upside to marriage.

It's not uncommon for successful women to say, "I don't need a man!" :-)

The poorer a woman is the more likely she desires marriage and the additional financial security two incomes can bring.

A lot of men don't see any real upside to marriage either. With the divorce rate near 55% they stand to lose more if a marriage fails, It's usually the man who ends up moving out of the house and becoming a part-time parent in addition to paying child support and in some instances alimony. Breaking up with a girlfriend is a lot more expensive.

If someone believes they have found their soulmate they should not move in together until a ring has been purchased and a wedding date has been set within 12 months. ("Save the date" notices have been ordered...etc)

It's probably also a good idea for women not to have children out of wedlock.

Bottom line though is a person is better off only living with a jerk than being married to one. It's much easier to breakup than go through a divorce.

The smart thing to do is try to avoid getting invovled with jerk to begin with. Life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship.


pmccray profile image

pmccray 6 years ago from Utah

Excellent subject matter and hub. You're welcome . . . unfortunately the newer definition of "girlfriend" is the legacy passed down to this generation by my generation the age of "sex, drugs and rock n' roll!!!

This definition is also due to the spiraling moral decay of mankind. Instead of woman embracing our new found freedom of the 60 woman's movement we lost our femininity in the bargain.

The new "type" of girlfriend are those who have lowered their bar and made a choice to be treated like a concubine instead of a lady.

Through venues such as "Bad Girls and Jersey Shore" women are betrayed as shallow and loose. Morality has been kicked to the curb along with class. These women are the epitome of low self esteemed individuals, who are pathetic, and needy for the attention of the male species.

These young women don't have the slightest idea, nor do they care, about how their perceived by those of us on the outside. Plastic, shallow, boobilious boobs, without an ounce of integrity or intelligence. Ready at a moments notice to strip and gyrate for the lust of clothed knuckle draggering males.

Our daughters are sucking up this behavior like a sponge, and will continue to spread it like a cancer, because the visualization makes it seem like acceptable behavior.

It's sad, but parents priorities are mixed up, females . . no all children should be taught to bring forth their self esteem and love themselves. Sorry for the rant, but as I said this is excellent subject matter.


schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 6 years ago from USA

thanks christal.

I never thought about the not getting married part. but I guess if you want a relationship that is good without marriage....the same sort of applies. Anyways, good luck all with your endeavors.


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Schoolgirl,

Thanks for stopping by. I am still totally in agreement about this advice. I am going to see your article for sure. I know not everyone wants to get married and if that is the kind of relationship you want thats fine, but if you want to be the wife, I still say wait.Don't put yourself in the place of wife without benefits.

warmest regards,

christal


schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 6 years ago from USA

Hi, I agree with you. I wrote a similar hub about "A non-fail guide......"

How can we win if we give up the milk before marriagge?

In my experience, we don't really know or it's not really true that a man really loves you -the way he should unless he's not only willing but (excited) to marry you. The only way to find out if it's true love is to wait to be married for sex. (see my article.)

Good hub!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

I believe your Grandma was a very bright lady,i know few couples who stay together for keeps, if not married.

Great hub.

Cheers and blessings


E M Smith profile image

E M Smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

Here's am old married womean's opinion. It does not have to be like that as it depends upon the individuals. Neither does being married prevent such treatment. Just my opinion though

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