Deployment ~ The Army Wife Story Part III
(This is part of a multi-part hub)
Month Three of Deployment (17 November – 16 December)
Two down, ten to go.
This is the month that I realized what was going on with our son. As I said in the previous hub, he started acting very differently. He would cry over little things or ‘act up’ in ways that he had never done before. He was missing his daddy, slight separation anxiety. He is so young and doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand why daddy hasn’t been around for the last two months, why he is only seeing daddy sometimes on the computer screen. He knows that daddy loves him and that daddy is ‘away at Army’. I hate this for him. So now my emotions are for my husband and my son. I have to keep the ‘strong front’ for our son. Children no matter what age can sense when something is wrong or see that a parent is feeling different; therefore, mommy has to be strong.
One thing of ‘excitement’ that I get to look forward to this month is a four-day pass that my husband will receive to come home before he is actually shipped out to the sandbox. Again, thoughts go through my head of ‘do I want to keep this 4-day pass a secret so I can keep him all to myself’, ‘if people find out that he is coming home, they are going to want to see him and there goes MY TIME with him’. Am I being selfish here? My hubby is getting to come home for four days and I want him all to myself.
Thanksgiving came, and it just wasn’t the same without my husband with us. But, excitement filled my heart because I knew that he would be home the day after Thanksgiving. Although I was excited about hubby coming home, I was also sad because I wouldn’t be doing my day after Thanksgiving shopping with my mom (http://dawnat.hubpages.com/hub/Traditions-whats-your-favorite) and she completely understood…there is always next year. The day after Thanksgiving, FINALLY!!! The waiting sucked!!! His flight came in that night (almost midnight) and it seemed like days when only hours had passed. I was so ready to see his face, to hold him, to kiss him, just to spend much needed time with him. THERE’S DADDY!!! Our son ran to him, jumped up in his arms and held him like he was never going to let him go! He was so excited to see daddy! This four days (well technically 3 ½) went by SOOOO quick, it was like he just got here and then he was leaving. We did part of our “Christmas” while he was home. I loved every second of having him home, but then the day came for him to head back. Again, we go to the airport to drop him off, tears from me, our son was such a trooper… you could tell he wanted to cry, but he held it in. He hates when he sees daddy in his uniform because he now knows that means that daddy is leaving and staying away for awhile. On the drive home, our son said “mommy I miss daddy already” that just broke my heart. I am just hoping that this doesn’t put more of an effect on him because he has gotten to see his daddy for a short period and then poof, he’s gone again. Again, I have this feeling of numbness because he was “taken away” again. It is affecting our son in ways that I am hoping that I will be able to “heal” or help him cope.
The next two weeks were spent shopping and getting ready for Christmas trying to keep my mind off the stress. Every single second that went by, I was thinking of my husband and how we would always do our shopping together, wrap Christmas presents, etc, and he wasn’t here to share that. I shed some tears yet again and again, will my eyes ever be dried up to the point that I will no longer cry? Not likely, I am missing the man of my dreams, my soul mate, the love of my life. :(
Through this month of deployment, my husband missed Thanksgiving with family and Christmas shopping.
Month Four of Deployment (17 December – 16 January)
THREE months down …. NINE to go UGH!!! H-E-L-P -- M-E……. Calgon, take me away to a nice sandy beach and have my hubby there waiting for me…..that’s not too much to ask, is it????
Again, another month of missing my husband, UGH. Our son has done ‘fairly’ well thus far. I hear an “I really miss daddy” or “I wish daddy was here” or “I really love our daddy”. The only thing that my son knows is that daddy is away at Army for a long time. He knows the name of the place where he is, but has no idea what is going on there, the dangers of being there. He just knows that daddy is going to be gone for awhile. I try to take his stress away by really getting him excited for Christmas. He sees the presents under the tree; we have made a few ornaments to hang on the tree. He is coping very well, but in the back of my mind I am thinking, ‘I hope he is not putting on a front like I do’.
Christmas is here! I got up that morning before our son did and signed onto the computer and set up video chat with my husband. This way he could share in the joy of Christmas morning with us. I took the laptop up to our son’s room and we woke him up together. He was so excited that it was Christmas morning and that he was “seeing” daddy. He sat right in front of the computer so daddy could see every present that he opened. This was the first Christmas that my husband missed with our son (last deployment, his r&r was during Christmas). Our son enjoyed playing with all of the toys that he received at Christmas time and maybe it helped in taking his mind off of things.
The New Year was finally here, at least I know my husband will be coming back this year, albeit it’s 8 ½ months away. My birthday was on January 15, and although I would have loved to have had my hubby there to give me a b-day kiss, I got the next best thing of video chatting with him. I love my husband so much and every time talk to him or see his face just puts a HUGE smile on my face.
Through this month of deployment, my husband missed Christmas and all the joys that go with it, New Year’s Eve and my birthday. Please let this be over with already and send our troops home where they belong!
Month Five of Deployment (17 January – 16 February)
Four months down …. 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – EIGHT more to go! We are getting closer to ZERO … stay positive, stay POSITIVE!!!!
How can you stay positive when you feel like you have lost your lover? He’s not with me, I get to hear from him a lot, yes, but it is just not the same. I MISS HIM!!!! I have sleepless nights, long days, emotions running wild, stress. Wow, I don’t know how those women do it, when their husbands go on a four-day business trip (SARCASM!!) (see hub http://dawnat.hubpages.com/hub/Deployment-The-Army-Wife-Story-Part-II Month Two of Deployment section).
I am doing my best this month to stay ‘sane’ … I just miss him so bad!!! How am I going to make this through eight more months? I need to keep myself busy…do more than what I am already doing…maybe that will help with these emotions. I seriously feel like Grumpy, Sleepy, and Dopey from Snow White and Lonely, Perturbey, and Scaredy (the Snow White rejects). Why can’t someone just see my emotions, sprinkle fairy dust on me, and make me all better?
Well, February is ‘love month’ (Valentine’s Day) and once again because of yet another Hallmark love holiday, I think more and more about my husband and how he is not here with me. He is far away in a country where some dislike our soldiers and are constantly shooting rockets at our soldiers. I see Valentine’s Day specials on commercials with the couple getting all lovey dovey …. I want that with my lovey dovey!
Through this month of deployment, my husband missed Valentine’s Day. The days seem to get longer as well as the nights. Lack of sleep makes for long, long days! I have to figure out a way to take up more of my time.
To be continued .......