Divorce - A Declaration of Independence

I had no idea who I was

After 24-years of marriage, the last thing I expected was my husband’s declaration of independence. It seems he was— tired of his life, and wanted to— find himself. He left, and my whole life disintegrated around me. Without realizing it, all those years of being his wife and our children’s mother, had drained any semblance of my own identity. I had no idea who I was.

Two of our children were grown and on their own; the youngest was 8 and just about to start third grade. I thought the older two would take it all in stride, but I couldn't have been more wrong. They were both as hurt, angry, and confused as I was. Their reaction was to cut off all contact, and so we lived in silence for 2 long years.

I was primarily concerned for my youngest daughter who, as it turned out, took things much better than the older ones; at least for the time being. I think she actually liked the fact that it was just she and I together.




I lived in a haze

For me, life was a deep, dark hole, and I was stuck at the bottom with no idea of how to get myself out. For a long time, I lived in a haze, going about each day robotically. Thankfully, I had a job to go to and somewhat of a scheduled life. After work, I picked up my daughter from school, helped her with homework, and made dinner for her – I could not eat without getting sick. After tucking her into bed each night, I was left alone to wrestle with the emotions that strangled every ounce of peace I had ever had. I hardly slept. When I did, I would wake up at 3:00 am in a panic. It felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest and I could not breathe.

Finally, a close friend suggested counseling, and for the next 18-months, I went on a journey that took me from the pain, darkness, and confusion I had been in, into a place of self discovery, freedom, and joy. The journey was not an easy one; I had to accept my own faults and failures that had contributed to the end of my marriage, and find the path of healing for my shattered soul.

I needed direction

A verse in the Bible reads, “Without a vision, the people have no direction.” I needed direction and so I said a sincere prayer asking God to show me what to do. Almost immediately, the words sprang from somewhere deep inside me, “go back to school and finish your degree.” How simple – how utterly brilliant!

The healing of a wounded soul and a broken heart takes a long time, at least it did mine. There were many stepping stones along the way, one of which has been a reawakening of writing poetry. The poem titled Divorce was the first of many I wrote during those times, a short piece about the indescribable pain of profound loss.


Source

Divorce

In the deep darkness of night;

Lightning strikes

Flesh and spirit torn apart,

Lying, bleeding, heart still beating


Soul entombed in hellish rage;

Questions echo why, when, how,

Burning tears of acid rain;

Writhing in unending pain


Torn flesh lies on the ground;

Lightning strikes

Gaping mouth tries to scream,

But cannot make a sound

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Comments 9 comments

Jenna Pope profile image

Jenna Pope 5 years ago from Southern California

I could totally relate to your story and poem. I went through a divorce after a painful 23-year marriage. Guess what? I went back to school, too!

Great Hub!


miss_jkim profile image

miss_jkim 5 years ago Author

Thank you Jenna. As you well know, the road to recovery can be long and difficult. It sounds like you have made it through. I pray your life is now blessed with peace and joy.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 5 years ago

Having been there and done that. A Husband wanting to find himself (he had a girlfriend) .But Jkim, eventually life goes full circle, I worked, dated, once again, and married someone else and we are happy. My sons were supportive and older which helped. But also angry with their father. I did not want that, and today, he is not a happy man, married, divorced again. But my sons care for both of us. You will be ok JKim, I know it.


miss_jkim profile image

miss_jkim 5 years ago Author

Thank you Malin. Like you, I have found that there is life after divorce. I have been reunited with my children and they came to realize that there are no perfect relationships. I too have remarried and they all get along quite well with their stepdad.


Scott Burk 5 years ago

Outstanding story Kim. You are a great writer.


mckinney5252 profile image

mckinney5252 5 years ago

Divorce is an ugly monster

Who has no eyes

It can't see who it hurts

Divorce is an ugly monster

Who has no heart

It doesn't care who it harms

Divorce is a selfish monster

Who has no mercy

Its only concern

Is for itself.

Best of luck.


miss_jkim profile image

miss_jkim 5 years ago Author

Thank you Scott, I hope you will read some of my other posts and give me your feedback.

Very well said mckinney, thank you.


Enlydia Listener profile image

Enlydia Listener 5 years ago from trailer in the country

Your story is heartbreaking...it seems unusual for a man to want his independence...I thought it was mostly the woman. Did you have any clue that it was going to happen?


miss_jkim profile image

miss_jkim 5 years ago Author

Enlydia,

I had no clue. I knew he was struggling with something in his life, but I never imagined it was our relationship. What I soon found out was that "wanting his freedom" actually meant he wanted to be free to be with someone else. And he is with her now.

We were divorced in 1999 and God brought a new and wonderful man into my life. My heart is healed and I have found joy once again.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

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