Divorce isn’t the End of the Relationship

Near my home - happy in paradise.
Near my home - happy in paradise.

What now?

It’s a long story, which I will not bore anyone with, but after 48 years of marriage we divorced. There were many issues in all those years that made me unhappy, including his alcoholism, and my unhappiness was so intense a few years ago that I chose to live my life alone. Overall I have no regrets about my choice to leave and I have been much happier since.

He has had a lot of challenges, especially with his health, since I left. I have had to visit him in the hospital, and take care of him for short periods, but nothing would make me return to him.

For the family’s sake I have had to endure family events where we all played the roles of “happy families”, and we have not had one argument or unpleasantness in front of the family. It has been difficult, but that was my promise to me and my two adult children.

I have remained single since my departure from the marriage, and intend it to remain so. However, there have been many occasions when I had elements of fear in it all. Not fear of him, but fear of the circumstances that I often find myself in. There have been many as a result of his health. I feel so sorry for my children who have had to cope with their father and his health issues. I am concerned that should be die, how I would react and cope. I don’t wish him harm, but I am not sure how I would or should behave if he dies.

I remember being in China in 2014, when I received a text message from my daughter, which indicated that there was a problem with a family member and I was to contact her in Australia as soon as possible. I was at a function at the university where I had taught in 2008 and 2010, and made an off-hand comment – if the drama was about my mother, I would have to return to Australia, but if it was my husband, I will extend my visit to China! As it turns out it was my 98 year old mother, who sadly passed away before I could get back to Australia!

What does one do at the funeral of an ex-husband? Should I go? Yes, I should, but for my children and their children. Will I be teary? Of course. But already I am worried about having to be at such an event.

Why am I worried now? Again, he is in hospital. Again, with a very serious complaint. No one knows at this point if he will survive. If he does, he will require care and this will require some consideration on the part of the family. It is something I would not wish to participate in – for many reasons.

I am in a quandary today. I am somewhat stressed but know that at this point I should not be. I guess I fear the unknown.

Has anyone any advice on this?


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