Do dating websites REALLY work??
Sometimes you find great things, in exactly the place where everyone thought you wouldn't!
This is a personal story of my own experience in online dating and dating websites. For anybody who has turned to online dating as a way to meet a special somebody, I'm sure you will be able to understand EXACTLY what I went through. Online dating is never easy, sometimes fun, and often downright frustrating. But there is always a light at the end of that long tunnel:)
Did I really just sign up for a dating website??
I know a lot of people feel like online dating is for losers, or people who are anti-social, or not so atrractive, etc. I didn't consider myself to be any of those things when I signed up, and still don't. But online dating IS good for those who are single parents, work a lot, or are just plain tired of what their town has offered them so far in the opposite sex. I was all three of those things, but especially the last part. My last relationship at that point had originated from an online meeting, but turned out he wasn't so much into kids. Go figure,right?
After meeting a couple of stray jerks and getting extremely sick of it, I decided I was going to sign up for a dating site. My theory was that it would open up a lot of possibilites for me to meet someone I'm compatible with, and you also have a time period where you are just chatting and not on a "date", so if they seem to be a dud, then there is no pressure to keep talking to them. I was right for the most part, but there are so many more good things( and bad), that go along with it. It's something you just have to experience for yourself to understand it.
So here I go. Online dating, take 1! (fingers crossed).
I never knew I was so popular! Oh wait...I'm a female, we're all popular when a man wants something
So I took the step, and had signed up. Immediately the messages started rolling in. It can give you a bit of a power trip at first, I must admit. Until you realize what is really going on. These men on these websites message women relentlessly, as long as they are atleast somewhat attractive (or do-able), and 99% of the time these guys get ignored completely. SO they send, and send, and send some more. In hopes that a couple of these women will get back to them. You, as a female, have become another fish in the sea, and they are the fishermen. Proceed with caution, because a lot of them will put honesty on the back-burner in order to catch the fish!
My first meeting was with a guy, who just so happened to live in another state. (A neighboring state,about an hour and a half away). We chatted for a couple weeks, moved to phone conversations and he seemed great. Very down to earth, funny, super charming, and intelligent. He was a military recruiter, and often pretty busy with that. But between our jobs, we found a day to meet over dinner, in which he drove out to my area.
He was handsome! I was expecting him to look nothing like his picture, but he actually did, and maybe even better. He arrived before I did, and was waiting at the front of the restaurant. After some witty banter, we walked into the restaurant and sat down. Enter red flag#1-Over the course of our dinner conversation, we were talking about relationships and such. He made a comment that his dad told him nobody will ever marry him, because he's too picky. And then started going into detail, which I don't remember all of, except the part where he said if his wife got fat, he would divorce her. He would have it in the prenup that if she got fat, he had a right to do that. Is this really something you should say on a first date??? I think not.
We actually did go on a few other dates, which were fun, I will admit. He was fun and good looking. But that's all he had going for him. I knew 100% he was an idiot when we went to the movies and saw "whats your number", and he said afterwards that it made him feel like such a horrible person for the way he has treated women. Apparently, he was a man-whore. Next, please.
The next man whom I met up with was extremely good looking, but very odd. I didn't know that he was so strange until AFTER meeting him, of course. The first thing that was weird was his car. He had a very good job in the technology field, and his car was probably older than the dinosaurs. Not a classic car, but an old car. But I got past that, and realized upon being IN his car that it was also littered with garbage. Nice. But atleast he apologized for the mess, right?
So we are heading to dinner, and lo and behold, his car starts smoking under the hood. He kept driving and I kept my mouth shut. Eventually he pulled over, and we wasted some time putting water into the steaming engine. By then, the original dinner plans were ruined because they had closed by that time. So we went to a chain restaurant. Ok, fine. He's still cute, just has a crappy car.
Dinner was fairly nice, and pretty normal for the most part. Until he out of the blue mentioned his son. He never said he had a son before, and it didn't say that in his profile. I love kids and have two of my own, but it was weird that he never mentioned that information. Later in the conversation, I see that he also lied about his age by a few years. He also lied about drug use. He also had a gun obsession, and rambled on about things that I couldn't even comprehend. The fact that he was cute, suddenly no longer mattered. Next!
Is anybody out there a normal person?
There were a few other duds in between. One of them was a guy with a kid, who I thought held some promise, but once I got to know him I noticed he was very fond of putting himself down every chance he could get. No self confidence is very unattractive!
Then came a guy that I really have nothing against even to this day, but it just didn't work out. He was from another state, far far away. But lived here a few weeks out of every month for work. He wasn't weird, or rude, or crazy. He was a southern guy,and really did nothing wrong except he just didn't seem to be enough into me, even though he argued that it wasn't so. His actions said differently. So I let contact slide to a bare minimum until we drifted apart.
Was I going to meet anybody that I might be able to form a relationship with?
I'm a success story!!
So about 7 months into my online dating catastrophes, I received a message from a guy who lived about an hour from me. I told myself I would no longer meet anybody who lived more than a half hour away, and would not meet anybody who was looking for less than a relationship. His profile said he was looking to date, but nothing serious, so I told him my rule and thought I was moving along. He wrote back, and somehow I just felt compelled to give him a chance.
We set a date for dinner about a week later, as I was tired of wasting time on people who don't work out. I wanted to meet and get it over with, and if it didn't work out atleast I would know sooner than later. First impression was that he was a cute guy,but a little shy. I knew he had stated in his profile that he was quiet at first, so i was expecting it. I'm a little quiet myself,so it was a little uncomfortable at times. I left our first date not quite sure of him, but I did want to go out again and get to know him better.
We started seeing each other pretty regularly, and Valentines Day was coming up. I kept my mouth zipped shut about the holiday, because I didn't want to scare the poor guy away before we even had a shot. But about a week or so before, he said that he wanted to make dinner plans for the big day. I was excited as could be, and of course agreed.
We had gotten to know each other a good bit, and I was really looking forward to Valentines Day. The plan was that we were going out after he was finished working, and having a late dinner somewhere. I drove to his house to meet him since there were more restaurants in his area. And when I walked up the stairs to his apartment, he was asking where I wanted to go to eat. I said I didn't care where we went, I wasn't picky. And then he said he thought we could stay in. We got in his apartment and he had his kitchen table set for dinner, with a vase of roses, a little teddy bear, a mix CD with songs that remind him of me, and a bottle of wine. I was floored.
He had made an awesome dinner of pasta and chicken, and we had a great little time. I think it may have been the sweetest thing anybody ever did for me. And later on after dinner, he asked me about me being his girlfriend officially. Finally, a man who isn't afraid of the word "girlfriend".
And everybody thought it wouldn't last..
7 months later, and we are still together. He moved closer to me, WITHOUT me asking or bugging him. He wanted to move closer so we wouldn't have to travel all the time, and could see each other more often. And as for my kids.....they completely enjoy having him around. He has stepped up and showed no fear where my kids are concerned. The day when he offered to take my son to a celebrity basketball game while I was working, I knew he was someone special. He just fits our life perfectly, and I couldn't have asked to meet a better person. I found my happiness on a dating website. And that, is my success story.
The moral of this is, never ever give up. There are a lot of rotten people in the world, and a lot of them will infuriate you, and disappoint you over and over again. But all it takes is a lot of patience, and a little luck. And you can find your perfect match, even on one of those silly dating websites. Good luck in your searches!
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