Men and women do not view romance in the same way

What is it they say about women being from Mars and men from Venus. No that''s not right is it? Men are from Mars and women from Venus.

Either way it is a certain fact that men and women think very differently.

Perhaps we are not from different planets but at times it does feel as if we are a totally different species.

So what about in the romance stakes? Is a man simply after one thing when he is young? Do men appreciate romance? Can men even comprehend what romance is?

Is it all just wham, bam, thank-you ma'am.

So I have been giving this subject my utmost consideration.

I am old enough and wise enough to realise that we are all different. Even what one woman deems highly romantic, may be a big turn off to another.

Sure some guys may whisk you off your feet, shower you with gifts and treat you to romantic dinners, but it may mean little to them in real terms.

Your partner of the last, however many years, may offer the smallest romantic gesture but due to circumstances, and the like, this could mean more than any trappings a rich guy could bestow on you.

A few years ago Hubby and I were holidaying on the Greek Island of Crete. Walking back across a shingle beach I made a song and dance about all the tiny stones in between my toes. As Hubby sat me on the beach and grabbed my feet he began painstakingly removing all the stones from my feet. I could do nothing but laugh. A German couple passed by and I heard the woman say "Ah das ist Liebe". That is love, to those unsure.

(Well, trust me over the years we have done worse for each other)

I remember smiling and thinking I know what you mean. Maybe not a romantic gesture but a loving one. It must have made an impression as that happened over 15 years ago,

Perhaps you are thinking that it made such as impression as it was a rare, loving gesture. No that's not the case. Hubby is not one of those suave, romantic devils who sweeps you off your feet but he has his moments. Perhaps it was knowing that a big man, well over six feet tall, had this gentle side to his nature.

Little gifts, occasional flowers, even without having a row and thoughtful gestures mean a lot to me.

On the whole, I think that you need to be able to see the romance to appreciate it. It you are hoping for the grand gesture then you are leaving yourself open for disappointment. You may also not notice the more heartfelt romance before your eyes.

These days I tend to ignore Valentine's day. This is not just because I have been married 37 years. My father-in-law died on Valentine's Day 1996 and this means that hubby often has more on his mind than romance on that day. If he buys a card, flowers, choccies, a gift or what you will all well and good.

If he doesn't?

Well there 364 or 365 more days of the year when he can romance me, and I him.

Don't forget girls that romance works both ways. You do need to bear in mind though that many men are aliens in comparison to females, so do not not automatically expect them to act as we do.

We are all individuals after all.


I started this hubmob early in the week and then got side tracked with the terrible events in Haiti. Sorry if I have lost my thread. Romance seemed a little hard to comprehend with so many people displaced, dead or dying.

I have been busy writing for Haiti at sites such as InfoBarrel and Helium, which are donating to the relief fund. Drop by if you have time

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Comments 34 comments

camdjohnston12 profile image

camdjohnston12 5 years ago

Great hub! It is very realistic. Thanks.

stars439 profile image

stars439 5 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

Wonderful interesting hub. God Bless You Precious Heart.

antonrosa profile image

antonrosa 6 years ago from USA

Good to know!

ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull Author

I'll agree with that trusted. We should both accept each others differences.

Trusted Marketing profile image

Trusted Marketing 6 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

Agreed that men and women don't view romance the same way. So how about a little understanding and sharing perspectives so we can both learn.

ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull Author

Too true Mom

AllMomNeeds2know profile image

AllMomNeeds2know 6 years ago

Men and women don't view romance the same way. Your example of your husband helping you on the beach is I guess the kind of thing that really counts not flowers or candy although that's nice too :)

ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull Author

I know what you mean. I also think that when they make a sweet gesture it all the more touching, especially if it is huge man

Silver Rose profile image

Silver Rose 6 years ago from UK

I think men are often more romantic than women. I know the cliché in the media is the opposite, but when they fall in love, men fall hard.

James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

I really enjoyed reading this Hub. 37 years!? That is a beautiful thing. Hubby sounds like a good and loving man. We should all do acts of love far more often than we do.

ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull Author

and thanks for visiting mdlawyer

mdlawyer profile image

mdlawyer 6 years ago

This hub gives a different perspective to romance. Thanks for sharing.

ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull Author

I know Tony. It is just another commercial exercise.

tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

Lovely stuff. I'm all for romance and like little better than spoiling the special person in my life. But I get rather unromantically pissed off with the whole commercial hype around Valentine's day, I have to confess.

Love and peace


ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull Author

Thanks recover.Don't get me wrong we have our moments though.

RecoverToday profile image

RecoverToday 6 years ago from United States

Very good read here. It would be wonderful if all relationships could be so giving. Appreciate a positive approach.

ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull Author

Thanks for visiting

Money Glitch profile image

Money Glitch 6 years ago from Texas

I like this hub because it is a great reminder that many times what we are longing for we already have; it's just in a different form of romantic love. Thanks for sharing!

ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull Author

Apricot and Chris it seems then that we appreciate those loving gestures more than material gifts. Thanks girls.

Regards to you Chris x

apricot profile image

apricot 6 years ago from Italy

For me, the pebble story on the beach epitomises real love - it's funny how you're ideas change over time because I wouldn't have said that a few years ago. One of my favourite films is Brief Encounters (the original) and now, when I watch it I can't help thinking that the real love comes from Laura's husband. I don't know what you think? I believe the small gestures speak much more than any flowers or chocolates. That was beautiful!

christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas

Beautiful hub Ethel. My husband who will be away for awhile and I had a wonderful 25 years together. He never missed a birthday, anniversary, special day or any other time to show mw he cared. I think the times he washed the dishes, rubbed my feet, ironed my clothes for work, little things that he really didn't have to do, but came from his heart was meant more than the ones on special days when you expect it. he is a big man but with the heart of a teddy bear. He is a man of a few words, the rare moments he does say I love you mean more than if he did it all the time. But I knew by his actions that he always loved me, then, now, and always. sometimes actions speak more than words,

it's good to be back.

Warmest regards,


ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull Author

Ah but then my pen name would be blown Jay jay. Maybe in the future

jayjay40 profile image

jayjay40 6 years ago from Bristol England

Brilliant hub as usual, just one thing, is the photo of you and your hubby?

ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull Author

Definitely Patricias

2patricias profile image

2patricias 6 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

Nice Hub to get us thinking about Valentine's Day. We both try to do something nice with our respective Wonderful Husbands - but sometimes other things get in the way. As you say, there are plenty of other days in the year, and sometimes we are more in need of romance on an 'undesignated' day.

ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull Author

I'm so glad you guys got my point. It did sort of ramble on a little :)

If anyone is wiritng for Haiti give ne a nudge and I will drop by.

Dusty I must check out youtube and get back to you later.

50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

Romance? I'm one of those thickheaded martians I think. It's nice to read the success you and your Hubby have had over 37 years. To which I'm a failure and disappointment to all who have crossed my path, I think maybe I'm like Spock off the Enterprise from Star Trek, just to logical to understand romance. so "Beam me up Scotty, the women don't like me" LOL Here is my song that used to get me in deep trouble, or this one

Laura in Denver profile image

Laura in Denver 6 years ago from Aurora

Great hub and *kudos* for a good marriage.

My parents had some rough years, but hung in there and got through it.

Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

You are a great writer and I enjoyed reading this hub very much. A lot of thoughts went into it.

habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia

Wonderful hub. Looks like you and hubby are doing something right!

emohealer profile image

emohealer 6 years ago from South Carolina

How beautiful ethel.....after 37 years and still enjoying the good moments no one could write more about romance and the differences and how to narrow the gap by recognizing what is right before our eyes than you. I loved the story of the stones and knew the saying without translation, beautiful.

RedElf profile image

RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

Nice one, ethel,. It's often the little, truly considerate things that make so much more of a difference than a grandiose gesture. Well done with the writing-for-relief-efforts!

IslandVoice profile image

IslandVoice 6 years ago from Hawaii

I always think it always takes two to make romance. Men tend to stress more, esp if he's the sole breadwinner. Women get all tired just taking care of the kids, doing home chores. Which is why couples need to find time and place to unwind. It's not easy. Valentine shouldn't be the only day to do something. As you say, love is all year round. Enjoyed your Valentine hub.

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 6 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City

I think there is no better definition for romance than 'kindness and respect' - even if you don't feel the great love in the beginning those kindnesses seem to add up and then the respect - which should be a given. Mmmmmm. My idea of a hot romance! Like the kindness of picking pebbles out of your partner's toes on a beach - so kind - and then she showing the respect by appreciating it - and even writing a hub about it. Romance of the highest order! Isn't it interesting how a stranger can see the romance in such a situation? Because it's sincere.

Another nice hub!

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