Does this make me look fat?

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Chicken pot pie

This age old question has befuddled men probably since the beginning of time. There is no right answer. I am sure of it. This question was probably originally created by some secret society of women as a test to measure the wits and survival skills of their partner.

The paleolithic era.

Cavewoman: Grog! Grog U like tiger skin on Rima or make Rima look fat?

Caveman: hhhmmm ahhhh uurrrgggg what fat?

Cavewoman: Grog! You like look at Rima?

Caveman: Ohhhh yes mmm Grog like look at Rima, ummm so yes Grog like fat Rima....Ouch ugghhh...why... why Rima hit Grog with rock?!!

Ancient times.

Ancient woman: Husband when thou lookest upon thine garment dost thy look fat?

Ancient man: In thine eyes thee canst only lookest beautiful.

Ancient woman: Thou must not liest, tis a sin husband.

Ancient man: whatst dost thou wantst thine husband to replyest?

Ancient woman: Whatst dost thou thinkest thine ears wish to hearest?

Ancient man: Truly thine husband is confounded.

Ancient woman: Fine then, forgetst it.

Ancient man: No, no , nooooo. Not forgets it! The last time thou saidest forgets it twas fully 12 full moon cycles before thine husband was allowdst to lie next to thee on the matrimonial sleeping matst!

The middle ages

Middle ages woman: Pray sir, my sweet and loving knight do you think this frock is becoming?

Middle ages man: Come again maid?

Middle ages woman: My loving knight, do think this frock makes my countenance appear fat?

Middle ages man: Hmmm tis not the frock that makes your appearance one of fatness, tis the extra girth on your body that does so....arggghhhh....maid you have run me through with my own blade...alas... I am slain.

The old west

Western man: Hello Miss kitty I’ve come a callin’ hopin’ you might think about allowin’ me to court ya.

Western woman: Why Mr. Johnson you certainly are forward.

Western man: Pardon mam, I’m not big on fancy words. I’m just shootin’ straight with ya.

Western woman: Okay then Mr. Straight shooter. Tell me something. Does this dress I made make me look fat?

Western man: Why certainly no fatter’n any of them other dresses I seen ya wear mam...Miss Kitty wh’d ya slam the door? Where ya goin’? What’d I say?

The 1930s

1930s man: Jane I can’t wait to get out and cut a rug with you tonight.

1930s woman: Darling can I ask you if this evening gown makes me appear fat?

1930s man: Of course not you look wonderful. It’s the 1930s and full figured gals are all the rage. If anything you need to add a few pounds.

1930s woman: Well thank you darling you sure are some kinda sweet talker.

The 1960s

1960s woman: Hey man what do you think of my new tie dye summer dress that I’m gonna wear to the Dead show?

1960s man: Its cool man, really cool.

1960s woman: You don’t think these psychedelic circles make me look fat man?

1960s man: No way man you always look thin... to me.

1960s woman: what do you mean “to me” man? You don't think I Iook thin to anyone else man?

1960s man: You know what I mean man.

1960s woman: No I don’t know what you mean man. Tell me what you mean man.

1960s man: Aww man you look good to me man that’s all.

1960s woman: Fine...whatever man...just forget it man.

1960s man: No no noooo. Not forget it man. Last time you said forget it man it was twelve lunar cycles before we got our whole free love vibe back man!

The 1980s

1980s woman: Hey Rob you got a second.

1980s man: Hang on Stacy I’m just checking my stocks in the journal.

1980s woman: Rob! Look! Does this outfit make me look fat?

1980s man: No Stacy, it’s not the outfit. You haven’t been to the gym in a week and I make way too much money be seen with a fat chick. I’ll be going out on my own tonight. Call me when you get your act together. Wow, how selfish can you be?

Present day

Present day woman: Honey be honest does what I’m wearing make me look fat?

Present day man: Hey did you check the mail today?

Present day woman: No really does it make me look fat?

Present day man: Hey do you know if Dave and Meiko are going to be there tonight?

Present day woman: Really, tell me? How does it look?

Present day man: Did you put any gas in the car today?

Present day woman: Come on tell me what you think?

Present day man: Hang on I need to check this txt?

Present day woman: Honey, really, do I look fat in this?

Present day man: Hold on I’m gonna wipe this counter now.

Present day woman: I wanna know. Just be honest.

Present day man: Cheese tastes good.

Present day woman: Very funny, just tell me.

Present day man: Chicken pot pie.

Present day woman: Ok fine. I get it. Maybe I shouldn’t be asking you that question.

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Comments 9 comments

Nordy profile image

Nordy 5 years ago from Canada

This is cute, well done.

And there is a right answer, it s: "no, you look great, like always" even when we don't!


TPSicotte profile image

TPSicotte 5 years ago from The Great White North Author

I tried that one and it sometimes didn't work for me. That was considered dishonest maybe because very few women believe they ALWAYS look good. Even if a man sincerely believes a woman looks great and tells her so it just sometimes isn't the right answer. Go figure. There may in fact be no right answer. I usually go with the question. How do you feel wearing it? That takes the focus off the how do I look stuff. But even that sometimes doesn't work if a woman is feeling really sensitive.


wilderness profile image

wilderness 5 years ago from Boise, Idaho

The best answer is a heart attack. Right then, right there. If the question itself doesn't provide it, fake it! Clutch your chest, groan loudly and fall to the floor!

Being strapped too tightly to a hard surface, flat on your back, while riding in a careening vehicle at top speed and being stuck with needles is far more pleasurable (and probably cheaper to boot) than any other answer possible. You've been set up - make the best you can of it.


TPSicotte profile image

TPSicotte 5 years ago from The Great White North Author

Sounds like a plan, but how many times can you use it. Maybe 5 or 6?


Msmichele 5 years ago

I usually don't ask the question :)


TPSicotte profile image

TPSicotte 5 years ago from The Great White North Author

I guess not everyone feels the need to ask it. Good for you, you are saving your partner a massive migraine!


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK

Bwahaha My husband is so thick he volunteers that I look fat in some thing. Then he moves. FAST!!


SpeakUpStandOut profile image

SpeakUpStandOut 4 years ago from Southern California

Haha. I liked the modern day one. I think youre right, it was a secret society of women.....


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

TPSicotte,

This has to be one of the funniest hubs I've come across; how insightful for the male species. I really feel sorry for you gentlemen; you're right... there is no good answer. If a woman is doubting it herself then you're in trouble; even a "no, you don't look fat at all", will be attributed to you saying what you think she wants to hear. "Well, you wouldn't tell me if I looked fat anyway!" Voted up and anything else they let me click!

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