Domestic Abuse: My Girlfriend Beats Me

Domestic Abuse

According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, the definition of Domestic Abuse/Violence is this:

Domestic violence constitutes the willful intimidation, assault, battery, sexual assault or other abusive behavior perpetrated by one family member, household member, or intimate partner against another.

When we think of Domestic abuse the first image in our minds is a woman being abused by the man. However, abuse is just as a concern with the man being abused by the woman.

No One Believes

Men are taught from an early age to be strong, "manly" and not to show emotion or cry. Men also hold a lot of pride. To be viewed as weak would be a direct stab at the mans worth. Therefore, abused men are very reluctant to report abuse.

Another reason why men are reluctant is that they feel no one will believe them. When a man has an injury it is assumed it was from playing a sport or even a job related injury. People don't question the injury.

For example: I was in a horrible car accident that left me to temporarily use a cane and I had two black eyes. When I would go to the grocery with my boyfriend at the time, we would hear people whispering "Did you see what he did to her?" or he would get dirty looks as if he was the cause. Now I have many friends who play full contact football. So injuries are very common. But when we go to the same store, there are no second looks and no whispers.

People are not willing or not wanting to believe that women can cause such injuries.

Amber slapping Gary
Amber slapping Gary

Teen Mom

 Recently, the reality show on MTV, Teen Mom addressed the abuse of a male by his girlfriend.

Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley have been documented on the series originally for the birth of their daughter Leah when Amber was just 16 years of age. The theme of their story has quickly changed to the abuse submitted onto Gary from Amber.

Although many verbal fights between these two were quite normal, Amber lashes out at Gary when he calls her a bad mom. She then hits him numerous times, closed fisted, into his face and kicks him in the back as he is trying to leave. As if this wasn't bad enough,it is done in front of their daughter.

Although there is no good of being abused. The acts of Amber onto Gary have opened the eyes of many around the World. By airing the abuse, people realize that attacks of anger are not only directed towards women.

Why Men Stay

So the question is asked whether you are a man or woman being abused, Why do you stay?

The answer is a bit different from women's. Women bring love into it or fear. Women believe they can change the man.

Men don't quite see it that way. Men feel guilt. They feel they deserve the behavior for not owning up to their responsibilities, or for not being able to 'make it better.' They feel responsible for the behavior.

Men are also reluctant to leave if children are involved. Unlike women who leave for the children, men stay for the children. Men fear that the abusive woman will keep his children away from him. He would be denied visitation or contact. He also fears that if he leaves she will demean and insult him in front of the children, somewhat brainwashing them to think he is an evil person.

Another reason that men stay is they are addicted to the relationship. Somehow they become dependant on each other. Whether it be financial or emotional, they feel that their life is better with her than without.

Characteristics of the Abuser

The characteristics of a female abuser is:

  • Alcohol

Alcohol use and abuse lessens rational thinking. People are more likely to go with their feelings instead of their logic and reasoning. Arguments while drinking can quickly escalate to abuse.

  • Psychological

Many female abusers have some disorder psychologically. Depression, High-anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorders are a risk for abuse. Statistics from the Domestic Abuse Center show that at least 50% of all domestic abuse and violence against men is associated with woman who have a Borderline Personality disorder.

  • Abused

Witnessed abuse, abused by another partner or abused as a child. Anger and control may be eminent as this person has not dealt with the feelings associated.

  • Blame Game

Women who abuse have unrealistic expectations of the man. So when the man does not fulfill those expectations it ultimately becomes his fault and that he must be doing it on purpose. The woman blames him for her own emotional problems and insecurities. She must feel in control of the relationship. She doess not want him to make decisions, she needs him to be passive. She feels he is purposely sabotaging her and the relationship.

 

Signs and Symptoms of Abuse

Signs and Symptoms of a man being abused is hard to recognize. However, if you notice any of the signs, ask him and more importantly...Listen.

  • Seem anxious to please their partner. Often goes with her decisions only
  • Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing
  • Receive frequent texts or calls while out from their partner
  • Admits to and talks about the controlling, jealous and temper of partner
  • Not able to go to family or friend outings without the partner
  • Change in personality. Such as used to be outgoing and now is at home, used to be confident and now has low self-esteem or insecurities
  • Become depressed or anxious

Of course the injuries on the body are a sign. If you see scratches, pinch marks, missing areas of hair or bruising, question them. Don't assume it was an easily excused injury such as sports.

There is Help

National Domestic Abuse Hotline

1 (800) 799 - SAFE

Help Yourself

Unfortunately there aren't shelters that protect the battered male. There are not 'safe havens' available. But, there is help for the abused man. Family, abuse hot-lines or Doctors and  Therapists can be away out or point the abused in the right direction.

Regardless of how the abused man finds help or gets the strength to leave, no one deserves to be abused and the most important thing to do is get out!

Anger escalates. Without help for the abuser it will get worse.

Find the help needed today.

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Comments 7 comments

Mickyb 5 years ago

Everything I've just read in the above is exactly right. I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter that I cannot leave with this insane woman. After a full days work I spend my evenings shielding my daughter and hiding in her bedroom watching dvd's on loud so she can't hear mummy smashing the house up.

I have to constantly re assure my daughter that everything is ok and quickly Change the subject.

My partner has had several personal issues and blames me for everything. He spends my entire wage and gives me scraps of spending money for petrol.

Everything mentioned is my situation, I work full time and I cannot look after my daughter through the day. I want to just take her as far away from here as I can.


karlbo profile image

karlbo 5 years ago

I have been arrested and trown in jail thanks to the rage of my mate who is a pschologist. She always blamed me for how she felt, kept me from things that are normal and finally when breaking up and her wanting me to leave with nothing assaulted me, I pushed back trying to get away,she went down like a drunk (she was), got hurt and now I am a criminal.


jay 4 years ago

I used 2 be the life of the party til my girlfriend and mother of my 2 kids started beating me on a regular and I actually was locked away a few times Cuz she attacked me when I tried 2 leave she still whips my ass til this day and I can't touch her without getting locked up or her family fighting me even though they know its her fault nd she's abusive I sit in my house all day with my kids who hate me and beats me as much as there mother does and if I try 2 discipline them she beats me when she finds out I hate myself but I can't leave because I grew up without my dad nd don't want them 2 deal with that like I did


Yolande Mtirara 4 years ago

I'm currently in a relationship with a man who is being abused by the mother of his baby nd i want to help him.


Caliell 4 years ago

Please someone help me on your advice. I recently had the same problem. I am US Army Combat Medic who had been in abusive relationship with the person who had excatly the symptoms stated above.

1) She was diagnosed with high anxiety and depression with insomnia.

2) She is habitual Clonazepam abuser and compulsive drinker.

3)She is habitual criminal who not only had two drug related DUIs and reckless driving conviction, she also wrecked my car without my premission of letting her drive it while I was on deployment.

4) She attempted to blame me for her second DUI telling me that I let her drive and also she failed to appear in court and got put in jail.

I bailed her out of jail and forgave her from damaging my car.

She stole my hotmail and facebook account before the below written incident.

5) She stole my credit card when I tried to break up with her on the day of her second DUI release from hospital. (She overdosed so high they could not take her into drunk tank.)

Recently I attempted to leave her again. As I tried to with belongings in my hand, she assaulted me. She scratched my face and attempted to punch me several times and eye gouged me. At this incident I could not retreat or leave because she blocked the exit door. I tried to hold her hands and restrain her from attacking me, but they didn't work too good and I tried to push her off onto near by bed. That didn't work out too well since she latched onto me and both of us fell on the bed. I tried to hold my ex there until she stopped attacking me. When she stopped, I released her and she grabbed her cellphone and started threating to call the police if I'll leave. I asked her "why would she call the police?" She said "so is this over?" I said "yes it is. We are done and I am leaving." She called the police claiming that I tried to choke her and beat her up. I did not even put my hands on her neck or even took a swing at her. Now I am being prosecuted for class III felony and my abuser sits on the witness stand against me.

Could anyone please tell me what to do?


jonny 4 years ago

ive been dating my girlfriend for 2 years now. shes hit me in public and at home she beats me. one time she threw a medicine bottle at me and it left a gash on my forehead. she plays games all day and eats and trases ourbplace and yells at me why im not cleaning the place. she says im too lazy and need to quit smoking pot. this psycho botch behavior IS the reason why i HAVE to smoke pot. i do not have family so i have nowhere to go. everytime my friends go out, i ask her to come but she rather stay hole and play games. then she explodes at me saying that i don't give a shit and im the reason why she got fat. everytime we get into a fight, i get emotional but i don't say anything bad. as soon as my voice rises she says ohhh attitude ?! and then she beats me. we love each other but i really don't know what to do. this is my first real relationship.


PaulaHenry1 profile image

PaulaHenry1 4 years ago from America Author

As with any abusive relationship. Male against female or female against male. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Every harrassing call, text or conversation. Every abusive incident!With that, you have the documentation to prove yourself in a court of law or with Police. It is very hard for a man to prove he is a victim, but w/ the proof in hand it may help.

Also, first relationship or 100th, an abusive relationship is NOT a healthy relationship. You need to get out. If you find yourself alone...that is the time to leave! By all means do not attempt to move yourself out alone with her there. Bring friends, family, anyone who can help you and prevent (or witness) her actions.

By all means, I am not a professional, but I know it is painful to be in this situation. Please protect yourself.

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