Domestic Violence…Against Men

Women and children are not the only one subjected to domestic violence. Men are victims of domestic violence as well.

When talking about domestic violence, women and children are the most affected by domestic abuse. But there’s another victim not usually considered – the men. More often times than not, we see help desks, statistics, studies, advices to counter-act domestic violence against women and children, but for men, these are not as common. Why is this so?

Just to give a heads up on the statistics about domestic violence against men and against women:

  • It has been estimated that in 100 domestic violence cases, 40% of these were against men, 60% against women.
  • In a 1995 to 1996 study conducted by the U. S. Department of Justice (as published in 2000), out of 8,000 women interviewed or surveyed, almost 25% were subjected to domestic violence. In the same study, out of the 8,000 men interviewed, almost 7.5% were also victims of domestic violence.
  • The same 1995 – 1996 study estimated that, annually, in the U. S., about 1.5 million women and around 830,000 men are victims of domestic violence. That’s almost a 2:1 ratio of women versus men who were subjected to domestic violence.

http://janeheller.mlblogs.com/nagging%20wife-saidaonline.jpg
http://janeheller.mlblogs.com/nagging%20wife-saidaonline.jpg

Why Domestic Violence Against Men are Not Easily Recognized

With the above statistics, one might lead to wonder why domestic violence against men go largely unrecognized. Here are just some of the reasons why domestic violence against men are not easily recognized:

  • Incidence of domestic abuse against men is not as high as women and may be so low that they are not easily detected.
  • Although it has taken a long time to raise the advocacy and support for domestic violence against women, these advocacies and supports are now largely available. The same, unfortunately, is not true for the male victims.
  • Related to the second one, the amount of investment and effort to stop domestic violence against women and to respond to abused women are so much higher than the amount of investment and effort to address domestic violence against men.
  • When we think about domestic violence, the image that is often in our minds is that of a battered woman or wife. Seldom do we think about a battered man or husband. To some people, the concept of domestic violence against men is so unthinkable that men often end up choosing to stay quiet if they become victims of domestic violence.
  • Let’s face it. A woman who was subjected to domestic violence (domestic abuse) will show more physical effects than a man who was also domestically abused. Physical abuse on women is more readily observable than physical abuse against men.
  • Lastly, even if men report that they were victims of domestic violence, people often find it hard to believe that the man’s black eye or bruise on the face was caused by domestic violence (more likely, they will think that the bruises were the results of fights against other men). As a result, the man will think that nobody will actually believe him and, thus, will just prefer to keep his silence.

How to Know if You’re a Victim of Domestic Violence

The signs that the men are also victims of domestic violence are much, much similar to the signs of domestic violence against women. Here are just some of these signs (for purposes of clarity, I have placed the woman as the abuser but like I said, the signs are very much applicable to women-victims):

  • The woman calls the man bad names, insults him (publicly or privately) and tries to put him down every chance she has.
  • The woman tries to stop the man from going to work or to public places. She also tries to prevent him from seeing his family members and friends.
  • The woman is possessive and / or jealous and she tries to control her man in terms of the clothes he will wear, the money he will spend and the places he can go to.
  • The woman threatens the man with violence and harm, particularly when she is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
  • The woman actually hits or hurts the man by kicking, punching, slapping, shoving or choking him. Or the woman may do the same thing to their children or pets.
  • The woman takes advantage of the man sleeping or resting and assaults him when he is in no position to defend himself.
  • The woman threatens to leave the man and to take their children with her if he will attempt to go against her or to fight back.
  • Despite all of the above, the woman blames the man for her behavior!

What Makes the Women Turn Violent Against the Men

Here are just some reasons why a woman turns violent against a man. Same with the above signs, these reasons are also found on men who are violent against women:

The woman is an alcoholic. As a result, she is not able to control her impulses and gets easily frustrated. If her partner tries to stop her or tries to reason with her, she might get violent and turn against her partner.

The woman has psychological problems. Personality disorders may cause a woman to commit domestic violence against the man.

The woman has unrealistic expectations or unrealistic demands. Women who have unrealistic expectations or who give unrealistic demands from their partners or the men get easily frustrated, depressed, anxious or irritable. Such reactions may very well turn them violent. To top it all, these women would refuse to get treatment or to let their men help them. As a result, the cycle continues.


And that’s it. Please note, however, that I’m barely scratching the surface here when it comes to domestic violence against men. On a further note, the above are applicable to both men who are in a same-sex relationship and to heterosexual men. So if you are a man experiencing such things, please assess well if you are becoming (or have become) a victim of domestic violence. Put aside your manly pride and assess what is happening to you in rational manner. If you’re a woman or somebody who has a male friend or family member who confided in you that he may be a victim of domestic violence, please refer your male friend or family member to somebody who can help him. Domestic violence against men may not be that obvious nor are they more readily addressed than domestic violence against women, but they exist as well. I hope this hub will be of help to those men who are also victims of domestic violence. Thank you and good day to you!

P. S.

Below is a link to Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women. This organization is currently applying for a $250,000 grant from Pepsi. You can show your support for this worthy endeavor by clicking the link provided below and voting on Pepsi's site. Voting can be done every day.

Thank you!

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Tell me what you think 116 comments

shamelabboush profile image

shamelabboush 7 years ago

lol, what a coincidence! I was really discussing this idea with my friends about violence against men. I suggested that there should be a society for men's right :) We get abused sometimes noh specially by our GF's :) Thanks for supporting my cause.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Shamel, actually I never really knew the extent of domestic violence against men until I actually researched this one. Just thought that it was just a case or two, but it's nearly a million in U. S. alone!

You're welcome. I'm a woman but I condone violence on both sides. I think it's fair to say that, although women far outnumber the men in terms of victims, men should not be ignored as well.

Hope you were joking about the GF's. You are, aren't you?


shamelabboush profile image

shamelabboush 7 years ago

Of course I am joking hehe. She practices violence of another type, but still violence :)

This is true, not only women get abused but men too. I have read some articles about that. Some of them get beaten up by their women... Poor guys.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 7 years ago from London, UK

I had 10 years of psychologicial violence and there is no answer which are worse. Thank you for you well written hub.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Hehe glad you were just joking.

Yup they get beaten up then when they want to get help, the one behind the help desk just look at them like they're going out of their mind. The image of machismo and manly strength makes it sometimes impossible for us to believe that men can actually be the victims instead of the abusers.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Hello, that's sad to hear. I hope you are already okay now. Please get help if you are still not. If you're still not, just tell me your address and I will try to get a vigilante out there to help you out.


Laura du Toit profile image

Laura du Toit 7 years ago from South Africa

Thanks for a valuable contribution to a side of domestic violence that we often overlook. As you said when you start on any of these DV topics you realize it is so shockingly overwhelming that we do just barely scratch the surface. It is actually quite sickening when you think of how much society suffers in the hands of these abusers!(male and female)

Well done!


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks Laura.


topgunjager profile image

topgunjager 7 years ago from Sunnyvale, CA

Men get abused because they let themselves be abused, if you're a man and you suffer from domestic violence, you're not a man=)


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Topgun, why am I not surprised you'll say that. There are reasons why men stay in an abusive relationship and it's not for us to judge them. By the way, if a woman suffer from a domestic violence, she's not a woman? :)


topgunjager profile image

topgunjager 7 years ago from Sunnyvale, CA

Because men are naturally less emotional than women, if you're a man and you are in an abusive relationship, that's only because you let your emotions get to you, not trying to be sexist or anything like that, it's just a fact, that's why instances like these are rare for men because it's not natural for us to be taking crap like that=)


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Uhm, okay, I'll take your word for it. But you might be surprised with the figures I saw. It's like 1 out of 3 victims is actually a man! That's in the U. S. Here, I don't know, I don't think the guys here would admit to being a battered BF or husband. And for the instances that are rare - are you sure it's just because you guys don't take cr@p or it's because you guys do not want to report being the victim and lose face or be called 'not a man' in your face? Just curious.


Dame Scribe profile image

Dame Scribe 7 years ago from Canada

I have seen more and more mens support groups getting publicity and hope that these men do get help since they can get as phschologically affected as women do. PTSD and other symptoms. Great Hub! :)


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 7 years ago from London, UK

It's nice that you addressed it from a Man's point. When there are Flying Saucers in the kitchen, you can bet it's the women.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Dame Scribe, thanks.

Lady_E, flying saucers huh? We have lots of those here. We even have our own local term for such men. We call them "under the saya" (under a woman's skirt).


keira7 profile image

keira7 7 years ago

Great hub Emievil:) God Bless.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks keira.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

I liked your hub very much Emie. I sure do hope I don't date any women who are abusive (I guess I've been lucky so far?). I like how you took the road less traveled by writing a hub that brings awareness of domestic violence pertaining to men. Thank you.

After seeing your avatar, I'm gonna go and find me a new one right now! Love it :D


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Hey thanks Dohn. It was an interesting hub to write, that's for sure. Thanks also for your compliment to my avatar. I forgot what bird that is but I took the picture myself. He's simply beautiful :).


topgunjager profile image

topgunjager 7 years ago from Sunnyvale, CA

I used to be in an abusive relationship, until I "decided" to make it stop=)


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Glad you did. Some people, whether men or women just don't, for one reason or another.


topgunjager profile image

topgunjager 7 years ago from Sunnyvale, CA

it's just like any other problem we've all encountered, we just have to do something about it=)


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Uhm domestic violence is not just "any other problem" as it affects a lot of lives. My opinion.


topgunjager profile image

topgunjager 7 years ago from Sunnyvale, CA

it is just like any other problem, it can be fixed by "doing something about the situation" no matter what you're going through, it will be fixed by the "actions you take"


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Hope everybody thinks the way you do. If they do, we won't have these domestic violence cases.


prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 7 years ago from US

hi emievil, this is a nice presentation of the other side of Domestic violence, some women are violent against men because they are insecure and they also want to dominate theri partner.Sometimes it is also cyclical, it happened in their households when they are young and they immitate the behavior as adults. Whatever the reasons are, there is no justification to it. Your article showed the other face of the subject matter and this is refreshing one.

Good job Miss Emievil!


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks prettydarkhorse.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

Well, there are always two types needed for violence: dominant type and submissive type. Women can be also very aggressive, as well as men can be submissive...

Great article!


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks Tatjana.


GeneralHowitzer profile image

GeneralHowitzer 7 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

Great HUb emievil you have time too put all of those laborious yet crisp capsules too... I wonder what is in your mind with your new avatar eh...


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks GH. My new avatar? Nothing. Just wanted to put that up. Isn't he cute? :)


GeneralHowitzer profile image

GeneralHowitzer 7 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

Hehehe its look like a yummy, delicious, moutwatering prey to me thank goodness Im not using an eagle avatar already, hehehe... I'm using our newest bundle of joy at home hehehe my grandson Rich Andrei... Isn't he cute tooo


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

LOL, prey huh? That's a carnivore and also a hunter-bird (I think it's another eagle, a smaller one) so I don't think it will just stand down against your eagle. :)

Hey you have a cute grandson(?) - from your cousin or siblings? Hmmmm, now who's being the copy-cat here? I posted my niece's picture, you posted your grandson's picture :).


Princessa profile image

Princessa 7 years ago from France

Hi, very interesting twist to the topic. It gave me the idea for this week's hubmob topic http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/26635

I think that it is important to acknowledge that domestic abuse is caused by an abuser which not always is a man. It might be more rare to see a woman abuser but it is not imposible. It reminded me a female neighbour back in Peru who was always bulling her husband and even beat him up in the street one day in front of everyone. Sad that people thought it was amusing!

Thanks you for the insight.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks Princessa. Glad I could give you a new idea for a hubmob :).


Ultimate Hubber profile image

Ultimate Hubber 7 years ago

"The woman takes advantage of the man sleeping or resting and assaults him when he is in no position to defend himself."

Men should keep this in mind. Will always try to remember it. :P


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

UH, :) hope this doesn't happen to you. It's sad to know that women can be as violent as men, sometimes even more so because we have the 'gift of gab' :O


myownworld profile image

myownworld 7 years ago from uk

A very well written, and powerful hub! Great angle to an issue we usually associate with women and children only, so thank you for highlighting it. hope it's able to reach as many people suffering as possible. well done!


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks myownworld.


Justine76 7 years ago

my abusive ex is now abused by his wife...


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 7 years ago from Hither and Yonder

After reading this, I wonder how many men who put up with this kind of thing would consider themselves the victims of domestic violence. Personally, I have run into many more men who have been the victims than women. It was my MIL who through the tree my FIL, before their divorce. It was my friend's mother who repeatedly threatened to kill her father, until he left. My grandmother thought she had every right to belittle my grandpa, and anyone else, but especially men, when ever she pleased. And I could go on...

Women need to stop thinking that they have a right to mistreat the men in their lives, because 'they are the weaker ones!'


Artin2010 profile image

Artin2010 7 years ago from Northwestern Florida, Gulfcoast

Great hub you got here! Enjoyed the read and lots of good video.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Hey DM, abused by his wife huh? Do you believe in karma? I do :).

Hi Ivorwen, men can sometimes get the bad end of the bargain in the relationship. And we, women, may not be physically strong but we have the power to reduce any man due to our power of words (i.e. nagging). And this is another form of domestic violence - verbal abuse. Don't you agree?

Thanks Artin.


Vizey profile image

Vizey 7 years ago

I have had few of my friends who were the victim of domestic violence. This is not new to me.. but thanks for sharing though :)


elideneed34 profile image

elideneed34 7 years ago

Yes it is true. Men are just as much a victim of DV as women. The problem is that most men will not speak up because they are afraid of being belittled and berated by their peers.

This is sad. More men should come forward and say "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH".

Excellent post.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

You're welcome Vizey.

Thanks Elideneed34.


coachb51 profile image

coachb51 7 years ago from West Point, MS

Great Hub! Never really thought about this until now. Thanks for sharing.


Jawa Lunk 7 years ago

Domestic violence against men is real, I saw my mom kick the crap out of my dad when I was a kid, and most of the times he wouldn't fight back...he was bigger and stronger and could have, but for some reason, he didn't want to hurt her or something, so she beat him up.

A lot of times when police are called on domestic and both parties are arrested, its because one started it, and the other was fighting back.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks Coach.

@Jawa Lunk, sorry to hear that about your family. I hope they're okay now. Or did your dad fought back also?


Justine76 7 years ago

Hey Emie!! I logged in today and this is a featured hub!! Congrats. And yes, I do believe in karma. Absolutely!! I have forgiven him for what he did to me, and he is the father of my oldest child, (I luckily got full custody of her so she isn't in that enviroment anymore, it was pretty awful at first. No child should be subject to one fo hteir parents abusing the other.) I wish he would leave her, and live a happy life. No one deserves to go through that, but I guess he brought it upon himself. He wont leave because then he would be admitting he "let a girl beat him up." Its so sad really, they have two children. :( Im glad you adressed this topic because its very rarely talked about, at least around here.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Hey DM, thank goodness you have custody of your child. Whether the husband or the wife is the victim, the child is the one who is always suffering. Your child is lucky because she is with you.

Maybe your ex-husband loves his current wife so much he won't leave her? Or maybe because of the two children? I'm just speculating because it seems a little bit strange that a wife-beater becomes the one being beaten up by his wife. Kind of ironic (although well deserved) :).


Money Glitch profile image

Money Glitch 7 years ago from Texas

Awesome well written article emievil! I have a male friend of a friend that is in an abusive marriage and it is really a sad situation.

He is finally attempting to get a divorce, thank goodness. He's one of the nicest men you would ever want to meet, but has trully been taken to hell and back over the years.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks Money Glitch. I'm glad to hear that your friend is taking steps to free himself from an abusive relationship. It makes me sad to think that the 'fairer' sex is also responsible for abuse and violence.


floating mind profile image

floating mind 7 years ago from Chicago, Illinois

Been there! Experience that! I can totally relate.

I enjoyed reading this great hub! Thanks for making others aware of the problem.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

You're welcome floating mind. Thanks for visiting my hub.


milynch43 profile image

milynch43 7 years ago from Philippines

Thanks for the great Hub on a subject that needs more attention. Some men have to endure psychological abuse and as you pointed out are threatened with loss of their children. Another thing a woman can do in this situation is turn around and claim to be the victim and the mans complaint will likely be ignored and instead of getting help he may be prosecuted.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

You're welcome milynch. I agree with your last statement. There are some women who can be devious and use their 'fragility' against men.


create a page profile image

create a page 7 years ago from Maryland, USA

Thank you for sharing this information emievil. I was just wondering, could it be that in some of these cases where the men are the victims, these men initiated it by being abusive themselves? If these men were abusive, they may be hesitant to report the cases since investigations may prove that they caused their partners to be defensive through abuse.

I know a woman who dumped 'all' of her partners belongings in the front of a restaurant, because he was cheating on her and being emotionally abusive in the process. It was not right, but she made her point. She ended the relationship at that time too.


climberjames profile image

climberjames 7 years ago from Steel City

really interesting and eye opening post!! Great read too! - climberjames


Maggie Butler profile image

Maggie Butler 7 years ago from Little Ole' Iowa

Very interesting. I am a firm believer that there is quite a bit of domestic violence going on in our world with woman doing the abusing. I also believer that quite a bit of the violence is mental. Men have feelings too. Woman that abuse them... are just as guilty as the men that abuse woman. Very informative. Thank you, Emievil.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

@Create a page, you're welcome. It is possible that the man may have initiated the domestic violence and the woman just fought back. And this may be the reason why they don't want to report when they become on the receiving end of the women's abuses. But then again, the other way around is also possible, the man is constantly abused and just learned to fight back. And since the woman will show more physical effects in this case, chances are, once the violence is reported, the man will get the flak even though the woman is also an abuser as well.

@climberjames, thanks.

@Maggie Butler, you're welcome. that's quite a belief you have and it shows fairness in your thinking. Yes, there are women who get abused but there are men who get abused also. Thanks for your comment.


visitor 7 years ago

thanks emievil for bringing this topic up.

I think much of the negligence on the male side of abuse is a side-effect of feminism in law and order.The zealousness to reduce DV on women and rape cases has almost overshadowed the fact that males can be sufferer in these cases as well.

For e.g. consider this-

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_by_gender

Rape is not merely limited to male assaults on female, but can be inflicted on males as well. And ironically it's the jokes in many media outlets that talk of man rape in jail have bought forth the issue in social consciousness.

Media has a very big role to play in how we think, and what we believe.Since male DV sufferer are never a focal point in TV news or PSAs you might find it funny if you see a male abused by a female.Infact there is video on YT that shows a woman abusing her partner in a crowded park, most of the people who pass by them laugh or are curiously interested.

DV isn't about strength, a woman can use a weapon as easily, as well as her tongue which I think most of us will accept is easier for females.Also most men do not hit out on their women due to some vestiges of chivalry and the fact that if they do they will be hauled off to jail even if they didn't started it.

A quick read about how women's aid has become a multi-million dollar business and how the proportion of DV amongst genders might be different.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erin_Pizzey

Again, thanks to emievil for this article


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

You're welcome visitor. Thanks for your comment. There are some things you pointed out that I could not quite put into words before but you helped clarify that. Thanks also for the links. Hope those who will read this hub will also follow those links for more clarification.


C.V.Rajan profile image

C.V.Rajan 7 years ago from Kerala, India

A well written article airing a genuine concern of our times! One reason why domestic violence against men is not widely reported is the shame factor. A man is supposed to be strong, assertive and more powerful physically and emotionally than women. This is what society expects. When a man says he is subjected to violence by a woman, he feels the society may ridicule at him. Hence he may not opt to voice his predicament openly as women do.

The above attitude may embolden violent and assertive women further.

CVR


TMinut 7 years ago

I remember reading a guy's story about why he stayed and why he couldn't fight the psycho wife off - when he left, the woman started on their daughter. When he called the police, they laughed at him or believed he was the one causing the trouble. He had to tape it all a few times before anyone would help him and be sure custody of their little girl didn't go to her.


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 7 years ago from Canada

Another great hub.

I can read your hubs all day long as you do such a great job and this time you took on a subject that seems to always have a lot of blind eyes.

Im sure your hub will help others make smart decisions in the future.

This hub was so good that today it went on my blog.

keep up the great writing. You have a talent that many do not have.

Dale


visitor 7 years ago

I would just like to add something-

The media portrayal of violence against men by women unfortunately is shown as funny or justified for various reasons.A kick to groin by a woman has become a funny shtick that's even found in some children's movies.

http://www.theprovince.com/health/Langley+loses+te...

This man was embarrassed to go to the police for four weeks even though his testicle was ruptured and he could have lost his reproductive capability.The shame and stigma attached on one hand and their depiction as something funny in our daily lives is the primary cause of such incidents going unreported.


J-ART profile image

J-ART 7 years ago from Florida, United States

this topic annoys me to no end.

Good hub by the way.

Violence is violence no matter where it comes from. Turning a blind eye to female on male domestic abuse is a kickback from the days when chauvinism ran rampant through our culture.

once again, good hub!


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

@CVR, actually when I was writing this hub, I tried to think why this is happening to the supposed to be 'stronger' sex. I guess some men just couldn't find it in themselves to hurt their or other women. Plus the fact that society is not as sympathetic to men as it is to women and you really get abused men who can't speak out.

@TMinut, I hope everything worked out for your friend. That's the sad part, when the guy is telling the truth and nobody believes him, not until he has proven it a couple of times already. With a woman, it's a lot easier.

@Dale, hey thanks. This is my second hub that went to your blog. I really love it when you leave a comment and tell me about your blog.

@visitor, ouch! I can just imagine (although I'm not a guy) how he feels. I agree on the shame and the stigma and I hope that in the future, abused men get the same attention as abused women.

@J-Art, thanks. I hope I can do something good through this hub of mine.


Lucy83 profile image

Lucy83 7 years ago

Men are the downtrodden gender nowdays and they won't change it because they can't. They're expected to not show any weakness so they'll never tell you how bad it is. Thats why everyone is so shocked when figures like this come out.

Men are a lot more vulnerable as a gender than they'll admit. That is why we have to take better care of the men in our lives. They are humans too you know. So why do we put up with a 300% greater suicide rate among men???????


mulberry1 profile image

mulberry1 7 years ago

Great hub. Men suffer from many of the same things women do...abuse, domestic violence, anorexia etc although these things are generally addressed as if they only happened to women. It really shouldn't be surprising should it? Women probably have emotional problems as frequently as men, and with violence among women/girls increasing, it only stands to reason that men would experience domestic violence as well. In an ideal world we would all have to deal with our emotional issues before being turned loose in the world to marry, procreate, etc.


Fr FtBll Fnz profile image

Fr FtBll Fnz 7 years ago

So true. Nice hub.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

@Fr FtBill Fnz, thanks.

@mulberry, thanks. Hope men who are also domestically abused will stand up and speak out. Women and girls (and even children) are getting more and more support and attention, why not also men?

@Lucy, yup. I think male pride is also another reason why we know so few domestically abused men. Thanks for dropping by.


thaninja profile image

thaninja 7 years ago from America

Never happened to me, but I can imagine a lot of men are so embarrassed about being beat down by the opposite sex, that they never report it.


melbel profile image

melbel 7 years ago from New Buffalo, Michigan

You don't often hear about violence against men. This is definitely an interesting hub, thank you for sharing.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 7 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Emievil-What a fabulous job you've done with this controversial topic...

I currently know of 2 men who are far too ashamed to take action against the women who are abusing them. All I find that I can do is listen, yet sometimes-actually often-that's what's most needed.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

@thaninja, glad it never happened to you. thanks for the visit.

@melbel, you're welcome. thank you so much for reading my hub and leaving a comment.

@lorlie, thank you. Your male friends are lucky to have you because they have somebody to talk to. Some men don't and it may lead to violence and even death. Hope your male friends take action to stop their violent experiences.


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

Sad, isn't it? Didn't realise just how widespread it was! And the fact that men are too embarrassed to tell could mean that there's much more of it than is reported!


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Yup Shalini. The data is already more than a decade old but the number is already astonishing. Evidently, domestic violence on men is still not as reported as domestic violence for women. Hope the situation improves but based on what I read, it's really not that reassuring.

Thanks for dropping by and reading my hub.


Wayne Orvisburg profile image

Wayne Orvisburg 7 years ago

I personally think it would be more phsycological abuse than physical. All the time, I see women that are really very verbally abusive to their husbands. If a man did it, he'd be strung up for sure! However, if she were to punch the same man, she may get the lights knocked out of her.


Chairs India 7 years ago

Domestic violence against Man? Who cares? Are there any constitutional ammendments agaisnt it? No I guess...!!


flip side 7 years ago

This hub fails to mention anything to do with the fact that the majority of incidences of women being violent toward men are usually to do with domestic violence by the man toward the woman. There are many different types of abusers and if you read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft you'll find overwhelming evidence about why you should always be suspicious of a man who claims to be a victim of domestic violence from a woman. It's usually the reverse that is happening. Lundy even describes a type of male abuser, known as The Victim abuser, who plays on people's sympathy so that he can get away with abuse. Lundy, who has spent the past 20+ years working with male batterers - lists quite clearly a set of methods for determining whether a man who claims to be a victim of domestic violence from a woman is actually a bona fide victim or whether he is actually an abuser himself. In Lundy's experience, the overwhelming conclusion after a thorough examination of the man and his partner, is he is the one who is the abuser. Abuse of men does exist, but on a minuscule scale compared to that which happens to women. In order for this hub to be fair it needs to take that into consideration and to lists the ways in which you can tell whether a male "victim" is really a victim, or whether he is an abuser himself.


Lucy83 profile image

Lucy83 7 years ago

@flip side: When men are victims then "somehow" they are the perpetrators. I could turn everything you said around and swap the words 'men' and 'women' and it would be just as appropriate. But I don't because I think it is horrible to suspect victims because they're victims.

Actually, research has shown that if men and women are treated exactly the same way and live the same way, then they also behave the same way. That includes violent behavior.

So lets stop making it a gender issue and start treating violence as what it is: a CRIMINAL problem.

Oh and its not male pride that causes most of the problems. Just remember what I keep writing: Men are humans too. If they don't tell you about their suffering then that means that they think that they can't tell you without negative consequences. And THAT means that WE must aks ourselves WHY!!!!

How? Well think about what would make YOU want to hide your problems from your loved ones?


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

@Wayne, psychological issues apply equally to women and to men. Domestic abuse takes on many form - physical, mental and psychological. Men have their physical strengths, women have their 'verbal' strength.

@Chairs India - obviously we do care. And it isn't about constitutional amendments. It's about human rights.

@Flip Side, and is there such a book also on why women get abused (i.e., because they nag their men to death until the men are so fed up that they fight back)? One-third of the total number of people who get abused are men - is that minuscule? I agree with Lucy, we can 'flip' on both sides and find the situation applicable to both sides. Domestic violence is not about the so-called stronger or weaker sex, it's about being abused and being deprived of your human right to be safe. And what makes a man exempt from being abused?


dreamer32 profile image

dreamer32 7 years ago from Mississippi

Yes, some men have been through domestic violence especially when they are children, but it is rarely spoken off because so many people are afriad to speak about the issue! I agree the same domestic violence is against men, not all of them are abusers! You talk about something that most people are afraid to speak about this issue. Not due to some people got offended to the article you spoke about! It was the truth! I agree with what you spoken in the article! Men get tired too! Most people don't understand that! There are some men who has good hearts, but most women tend to abuse it,which I don't have to go into!Good article!


Flip Side 7 years ago

Here is the verbatim quote from Lundy Bancroft's book:

"The Victim has experienced life as one travesty after another. He feels his intelligence has been chronically underestimated; he has been burned by people he trusted; and his good intentions have been misunderstood. The Victim appeals to a woman's compassion and desire to feel that she can make a difference in his life. He often tells persuasive and heart-rending stories about how he was abused by his former partner, sometimes adding the tragic element that she is now restricting or preventing his contact with his children. He can maneuver a woman into hating his ex-partner and may succeed in enlisting her in a campaign of harassment, rumor spreading, or battling for custody. One can tell whether a man was really victimized or whether he is playing up to compassion for his own manipulative gain by watching out for the following:

a) If one listens carefully, one can hear the difference between ANGER toward an ex-partner, which would not be worrisome in itself, and DISRESPECT or CONTEMPT, which should raise warning flags. A man who has left a relationship with bitterness should nonetheless be able to talk about his ex-partner as a human being, with some understanding of what her side of the conflicts was and some ways he might have contributed to what went wrong. If he speaks in degrading or superior ways about her, or makes everything that went wrong in the relationship her fault, one must be careful, because it is likely that he was the abusive one.

b) When he gets to talk about his own conduct in the ex-relationship, especially around the time of the breakup itself, he blames his behavior on her. That's a bad sign.

c) If he claims to have been a victim of physical violence from his ex, this is also a red flag. The great majority of men who make such claims are physical abusers. If he's unable to provide details of her abuse that do not corroborate with other people's perspective of what happened, he should be watched very carefully for evincing signs of abusiveness himself.

d) A genuine male victim tends to feel sympathy for abused women and supports their cause. The Victim, on the other hand, often says that women exaggerate or fabricate their claims of abuse or insists that men are abused just as much as women are.

The Victim is highly self-centered in relationships. Everything seems to revolve around his wounds, and he keeps himself at the center of attention. He always seems to say "She doesn't understand me, she doesn't appreciate me, she holds my mistakes over my head", when, in fact, the dynamic may be the reverse. If he is called out on his bullshit, he counters that whoever is calling him out is, in-fact, abusing him by doing so. The Victim often claims to be victimized not only by his partner, but also by his boss, his parents, the neighbors, his friends, and strangers on the street. Everyone is always wronging him, and he is always blameless. He often complains about how women get away with murder and how men are not allowed to stand up for themselves, unless they want to be labelled an abuser or a pariah. His capacity for turning things into their opposites is a central cause of his abusiveness. Victims often guilt their partners into staying by threatening that they could fall into depression, won't eat or sleep, or might commit suicide if their partner doesn't stay. The Victim knows how to present himself as helpless and pathetic and the central attitudes driving the Victim are:

a) Everybody has done me wrong, especially the women I've been involved with. Poor me.

b) When my partner accuses me of being abusive, she is joining the parade of people who have been cruel and unfair to me all my life. It proves that she is just like the rest.

c) It's justifiable for me to do to my partner whatever I feel she is doing to me, and even to make it quite a bit worse to make sure she gets the message.

d) Women who complain of mistreatment by men, such as relationship abuse or sexual harassment, are anti-male and out for blood.

e) I've had it so hard that I'm not responsible for my actions."

This from someone who has worked with abusers for over 20 years. It's strange that all the "research" that keeps getting mentioned in this hub fails to take into account anything Lundy has found from 20 years of research. Surely, if this hub was impartial, there would be some mention of this data to balance the rest of it? This is not a one-sided issue. All the data needs to be taken into account.


Jessica Jones 7 years ago

Abuse against men is definitely an under-reported statistic. Thanks for an interesting article.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

@flip side, thank you for your inputs. I have no doubt that Lundy has data to back up what is written in the books. But I think what you basically wrote are men-abusers not men-victims (although on the surface they make it appear as if they are). I'm talking about honest-to-goodness domestic violence against men. Are you telling me (based on this book) that domestic violence against men does not exist? Or that women cannot be as manipulative as men and also do all of the above?

Have you checked my links? Some of those are from sites that have done surveys of their own and know what they have put in their sites. Are you telling me that Lundy is the only one who has all the facts?

About impartiality, I never claimed that this hub is impartial but as I wrote something about men (and I'm a woman), I think I'm impartial enough to see the side of the other sex and not insist all the time that women are the only victims of domestic violence and men can never be the victims.

@Jessica Jones, you're welcome. Thanks for visiting my hub.


visitor 7 years ago

not to turn this into a mud slinging match but flipside should get some unbiased statistics-

http://www.menslegal.com/domestic-violence/

http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm

Sociological data, however, consistently shows women initiate domestic violence at least as often as men. California State University Professor Martin Fiebert has an online bibliography that now summarizes approximately 200 studies, using various methodologies and with an aggregate sample size exceeding 200,000, which show:

"women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners."

"Today, women are increasingly assertive, independent, athletic, and, yes, violent. It is naïve to believe they cannot harm a male. In fact, they often use objects, weapons and the element of surprise to equalize strength differences."

"Women were found to be twice as likely to throw something at their husbands. . . . They were also more likely to hit, or try to hit, their spouses with something and more likely to threaten their spouses with a knife or gun."


Flip Side 7 years ago

All I want to point out is that, for an article to point out that men are victims of domestic violence too, it should both present the facts about about said domestic violence toward men and also the facts about men who are not bona-fide victims but abusers themselves. Lundy does a very good job helping authorities and potential victims delineating the difference. Because there is a difference.

If you're an employee in the court system or social services or law enforcement and you are presented with a case of domestic violence against a man, are you going to just read that statistics that such violence exists or are you also going to base your assessment on years of case studies by batterer intervention professionals that have found that some men that claim to be victims are actually abusers themselves? There needs to be a balance between these two sources of data. I don't care for mud-slinging statistics as Visitor seems to want to do. I care about women who are in real danger from men who have been accepted as victims who later go on to abuse those women because their abusiveness wasn't uncovered in a responsible manner. In the interest of victim safety it pays to have ALL the information and resources available and have each situation assessed on a case by case basis. Presenting just one side of this issue leaves open the very real possibility that abusers masquerading as victims will go on to hurt others because only one side of the story is told.

I went to Lundy's website where I found a training manual for batterer intervention programs. In it Lundy does not deny that women batterers exist but he does have the following information about how such women should be treated in a batterer intervention program:

"Women who are court-mandated to batterer programs as perpetrators of heterosexual domestic violence should not participate in a group with male batterers, nor should they be expected to follow the same curriculum. Eight to ninety percent of these women are incorrectly prosecuted, and should be receiving victim services only. The remaining percentage who truly are perpetrators of violence do not entirely fit the profile of the domestic batterer,and tend to have trauma histories that are playing an important role in their offending. Most practitioners believe that these women therefore need a hybrid service, where they are treated as perpetrators to some extent, with their attitudes and behaviors being confronted by the group, but that they simultaneously need attention to their own victimization and trauma issues, in a way that is not generally considered appropriate for men who batter."

If you have particular issues with Lundy's years of work, then take up those issues, and his publicity of his work. Since Lundy is recognized as the codirector of the first counseling program in the United States - and perhaps the world - for abusive men, you'd be pretty hard pressed to find anyone who works directly with victms and perpetrators of abuse who is not supportive of his years of contribution to the knowledge base in this field. My role in the commentary on this hub has simply been to point out that his work exists and is worth considering alongside all the other facts that have been presented.


visitor 7 years ago

"The remaining percentage who truly are perpetrators of violence do not entirely fit the profile of the domestic batterer,and tend to have trauma histories that are playing an important role in their offending. "

Please no, this line of defence trivialises crime and reeks of double standards.State funded shelters did not allow men for a long time on such grounds.They are turned away or are laughed at with the thinking that men can only be batterers.

Erin Pizzey the woman who opened the first women shelter in UK has said:

"Women’s shelters are incapable of providing this kind of professional intervention because of their ideology: they view a man as every woman’s enemy. For them, it is a foregone conclusion that women do not engage in violent acts. According to the ideology espoused in women’s shelters, this is always a given, and mutual talks between a woman and her partner are therefore superfluous. To this end, women are politically manipulated into a victim role

and men are collectively denigrated."

"Many victims do not report IPV to police, friends, or

family. Victims think others will not believe them and

that the police cannot help.

• Each year, women experience about 4.8 million

intimate partner related physical assaults and rapes.

Men are the victims of about 2.9 million intimate

partner related physical assaults."

http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/dvp/ipv_factsheet.pdf

“I called eleven different numbers for battered women and got no help.”

“She stabbed me with a knife, and I didn’t even defend myself, and after I got out of the hospital two weeks later, the court tells me to go to a group they say is for victims. It turns out to be for batterers and I am expected to admit to being an abuser and talk about what I did to deserve getting stabbed.”

“M, a 37 year old ex-police officer with two young children is seeking a temporary safe haven from threats of serious violence from his ex-wife, who will be released from prison soon. . . . In M’s case, attempts to access domestic violence resources increased his sense of fear and helplessness which he expresses as anger, particularly over the apparent lack of concern for the welfare of his children, who would receive no shelter from the violence of one parent simply because the other parent is male. The only helpMobtained from a local domestic violence agency was a referral to a statewide ‘resource center’ for men, which turned out to be program for batterers. [DAHM confirmed with both agencies. The referring agency stated, ‘We send all our male callers there.’]”

“J tried to access the limited resources available in his area in an attempt to initiate couples counseling. reaching out for help left J feeling further abused; he was treated with suspicion, disbelief and thinly veiled accusations that he was a ‘batterer.’ [DAHM confirmed.The first response of the agency supervisor was, ‘Why would a man call a helpline if he were not the abuser.’]”

“While married, R was kicked in the groin, punched, stabbed and strangled. R states that for several years he ‘just took it’ because ‘that’s what we’re supposed to do.’ . . . Although separation has stopped the physical violence, R’s estranged wife continues the abuse through the only means available: preventing visitation, alienating the children and filing false allegations with Child Protective Services.”

http://www.scribd.com/doc/19354278/Characteristics...

Poice also tend to stereotype DV as men on women only.

A classic example was of man stabbed by his estranged wife, who subsequently called the police.Police on arrival arrested the man even though he was bleeding, it was after the daughters told a policwoman that their mother had stabbed the father, that he was let off.

So FlipSide if you have a gender bias, or perhaps were a victim of DV please reconsider your stand on DV.Violence against men is real and unfortunately the victim of "only women are victim" ideology.Personality disorders or trauma should not and cannot be the de facto defence of women in these cases.

This article merely wants us to know that DV can be against men too, DV against women is portrayed much more often in public media and discussed by the government policy.


focus on living profile image

focus on living 7 years ago from United States

The new laws on Domestic Violence make it hard for a police officer to make decisions that could have easily been make in the past for a 'cooling down' period. I have strived never to be be gender bias, but have tended to see that the physical aggression seems, more often than not, to stem from a man more so than a woman. Anger, depression and self-esteem are often the culprit of out burst of passionate crimes.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

@flip side, don't get me wrong. I appreciate your inputs really. And I don't have anything against Lundy's book. As you say, he's an expert (which is more than I am). I'm just questioning the fact that he seems to be your ONLY source for your comments. Also, I'd like to point out (promote even) that other than this hub, there are already lots of hubs written about domestic violence for women and only a few on men. That's why I wrote this hub - I wanted to give the other side of things. And I chose only one side because if we consider everything, I'll have to write a book about it.

Just some questions though - if women need hybrid services because they do not fit the strict definition of batterers per se, is there a possibility that such is also the case for men - batterers? If we give the chance to women - batterers because they are also perceived as victims themselves, shouldn't the same chance be given for men - batterers? Or are women the only ones who can claim that they became batterers because they were traumatized in the past? As I said, I'm not questioning Lundy's book but some of the things you posted above leave them open for other questions to follow.

@visitor, thank you for leaving your comments and for your inputs. Those links you posted are great additions to this hub. Same with flip side. Thanks to both of you.

@focus on living, yep women are still the majority of the victims. And men are still the aggressor. Thanks for the comment.


Auriala 7 years ago

Believe it or not some women are more violent than some men. I believe women have just the same capabilities to abuse men as men do to women. This was an interesting topic indeed. One should always keep in mind however that domestic violence from either the man or the woman is not right in any sense, despite the reasons the man or woman may give for acting this way to their partner or spouse. Wonderful article!


Tina 7 years ago

I agree with Auriala. Some women are more violent than men; it is just that we hear of this not so much. We need to start spreading the word and perhaps these women would be less likely to curl up their fists and think they can get buy with whatever they want to do to their husbands?


Betty Reid profile image

Betty Reid 7 years ago from Texas

I agree it's less noticable when men are abused. Men are better able to defend themselves, so it's the woman who ends up bruised, and the man who ends up looking guilty.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

@Auriala, Tina and Betty, thanks for your comments. You're quite right in what you said - domestic violence is not right no matter the gender of the abuser and the victim. Women are more highlighted because we are generally perceived to be weaker and the ones in need of protection. But men can suffer too (they're only human) and it's about time they also get some attention and relief from their sufferings.


SmartyPantz profile image

SmartyPantz 7 years ago

Aman, Sista.


SmartyPantz profile image

SmartyPantz 7 years ago

Amen, Sista, i feel u on this one.


The Om 6 years ago

Hi,good to see this Hub....i appreciate the initive by emievil and the support from other females/....the reality is much more grave than what has been discussed here.....I have gone thru it ....my Ex Gf used to be physically abusive,but now she is my ex,n has changed strategies and is being emotionally abusive...i would like to say more,but i am at work,so will get beck to this once i go home......my heart still bleeds./....wud not the heavens have mercy just because i am a man?A mans emotions are very mysterious and often misinterpreted...its wrong to say that men are non emotional...its actually the other way round....Life isn't always a joy ride....the result of what i endured has made me what i am today...exactly like the lion who fell in love with the lamb.....u might say he was the masochistic lion...but does that lessen the endurance and pain?I pray to The God Of Gods to either give me Peace or Death.Sorry but will have to post the details later as i am at work.

Warm Regards,

Om,

India


valeriebelew profile image

valeriebelew 6 years ago from Metro Atlanta, GA, USA

Very interesting hub. As a former counselor, currently working part time outside of my field, I am aware of domestic violence against males, but most of which I have been aware have been men in same sex unions. Generally, I would think that women are not as physically able to overpower men, though they can be intimidating and just as mean as any man can be. Men also experience rape, bullying and other forms of abuse, but my experience so far has been that it is usually at the hands of another male, not that women are any nicer, but that they aren't usually strong enough to intimidate most men physically. Still, women can harass and intimidate socially easily, such as your example of threatening to take the kids and not allow him to see them. That is emotional abuse and can leave scars every bit as severe. Women can be more cruel than men with emotional abuse, and it is by far their more common method of abuse. I can also see how a woman could abuse a man who is slow to defend himself due to being taught that he should never strike a woman. Some women are just mean, and will take advantage of anyone who allows them to do it; also a woman with a weapon could be somewhat more intimidating. The mindset that women don't abuse, or that men don't get abused is a false one. Men don't report domestic violence or rape due to social taboo. Young men, and child men are also victims of the domestic violence of their fathers as well as their moms. As long as society imposes macho type images on men, we will have domestic violence going both ways, against women, and men too ashamed to report rape and abuse against themselves. This is sad, as men are some of my favorite creatures. Luckily for me, abuse in either direction was not a part of my home environment growing up.

Not meaning to write you a book, but I went back and watched the videos. Feminist disrupting a forum, I assume was for men who suffer from domestic violence, was shameful. I think some women just hate men, perhaps due to their own abuse issues, but nevertheless, every bit as destructive as any abuse they might have suffered at the hands of the men in their lives. Men are human beings who have needs, and they have a right to be protected from mean aggressive women or men. This is a sad state of affairs. INformative hub. (: v


emievil profile image

emievil 6 years ago from Philippines Author

Hey Valerie, I don't mind the long comment. I'm glad somebody agrees with me. I haven't seen any man physically abused but I've seen lots who are mentally and emotionally abused. I think they also need help. Thanks for adding your professional words on this matter. I've read your profile and I've become your follower. Thanks again.


maurice feldman 6 years ago

Next week is a year since my incident. My female abuser was found not guilty of assault despite police pictures, 911 tapes, emergency room notes,and police reports because I wrestled in high school 35 years ago and participated in the senior games. We continue through the courts on repeated PFA violations as judges just don't seem to want to put her away despite being a repeat offender as she admitted violation once. In PA, it then becomes a third degree felony. Continuances have lasted the better part of that year. While having the resources are nice and my experience with now two police departments has been positive, it does no good if judges just put it aside. The judges are to blame. And like they say in AA, we keep coming back. As a result, I am now being portrayed as the abuser. If the judges would just enforce the law according to the rules of evidence, everything would be fine. In a word, they don't.


SEXYLADYDEE profile image

SEXYLADYDEE 6 years ago from Upstate NY

Crimes against women, men and children should be equally at the forefront and we all should be working to end the vicious cycle. Great hub, I am publishing one and just wanted to see what others had written. Dee


Angel Scent profile image

Angel Scent 6 years ago from Florida

Great Hub. I'm well aware of the facts you've posted, although many people believe that women are the only victims.


malbuff 5 years ago

The reason men do not report this kind of stuff is simple. If he defends himself physically and stops the assault, which most men can do if they choose, he will be the one arrested for DV, even if he is marked up and she isn't. This is true 100% of the time. The legal system is rigged against men in these situations. No doubt about it. Conversely, if he doesn't do anything about it, no one will believe him if he reports it.


sham 5 years ago

i dont blame the men for not reporting DV,who is going to believe them wheather he has injuries or not. they will always believe the woman with the crocodile tears. the legal system stinks there;s no justice for men.

always get labeled.


Shawn 5 years ago

I was in a domestic violence relationship that has ended very badly. In this case, animals, property, family, friends and children have all been effected in one way or the other. Even after the relationship ended, the violence increased to murder.


CODY 4 years ago

I have been dealing with PTSD. I was victimized beginning in 2007 and it continues in various forms today. 2012.


victom of domestic violance 4 years ago

i pretty much can`t stand women after my domestic women are taking this DV thing to a whole other level women men who ever it is it hurts not only the kids family`s jobs i`m working on this to men with a record it`s not right for anyone to hit anyone just get it straight women use this to there advantage more often than not it is sad how women act when they don`t get what they want (RIGHT NOW!) there are people losing every thing because of this THINK PEOPLE this is what they want seperation so they can take it all this DV buisness is out of control and a lot of good men are beginning to be like me just don`t give anyone a chance but my story i`m the victomizer & the victom because the LAW INFORCEMENT dont inforce the law on the women why it is money! in 100% sure of that men are able to pay the price to where women dont even get charged for there part in the crime if they did this DV buisness and that is what it is A BUISNESS! would stop


cwritesnow 4 years ago from Dushore, pa

Been verbally abused by women.....very, very nasty. Luckily this person has extricated herself from my life because I was proactive in dealing with the problem.....great article. Men and women are victims and neither deserve to be so.


Caliell 4 years ago

I am US Army Combat Medic, very athletic ex MMA fighter and trained firefighter and EMT and also worked as Corrections Officer. I am very outgoing person who enjoys shooting firearms, snowboarding, skydiving, scuba diving, contact sports and yet... Recently I got out of very abusive relationship where my ex kept repeteadely beating me up on occasion and throught our entire relationship calling me cheater and liar even though I never cheated or lied on her in entire lifetime.

The reason why I stayed with her because I believed it was my sence of duty as a man who claims that he loves his girlfriend is to stick wth her through the thick and thin, through ill and health and through life and death. I believed that being in relationship it is all or nothing and in this instance all to give to the person I believed I loved.

Instead I got person who threw the book at me once hitting my face, pushed me, kicked me, punched me, slaped me and scratched my face on numerous ocassions and I never reported it all because she said it was my fault. I never even laid a finger on her because I was raised to believe that hitting women is wrong on all and any ocassion.

She also guilt tripped me saying that I have no right to leave her because she was in bad financial state (she is very irresponsible with money and declared bankrupcy in the past), abuses prescription drugs such as clonazepam, hydrocone, norco and oxycontin and alcoholic. She is convicted of two DUIs that she got while being high on drugs.She also guilt tripped me that I cannot leave her because she suffers from seizures.

Thus I never fought back until the day came and I finally attempted to leave my ex. We got into serious fight where my ex brutally assaulted me, slamming my own laptop out of my hands into my face. I attempted to defend myself and pushed her onto bed and tried to restrain her from attacking me. Needless to say both of us called the police after the fight.

When police officers came, and I was the one who got arrested. Thus here is explanation to all the idiots who believe that men cannot be abused. Men do get abused, it is just usually when it comes to the fair scale and both parties claim to be the victim it is usually the man gets taken away.


Darkproxy profile image

Darkproxy 4 years ago from Ohio

women are the primary abusers of children, so what makes them limited to only abusing children? Nothing


S.F 4 years ago

It was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. who penned these words in a letter from Birmingham Jail" on April 16, 1963 after being jailed for taking part in a nonviolent demonstration around the city.

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

Thousands of men are placed behind bars in the United States alone for domestic abuse and other crimes they did not commit:

Others are victims of violent attacks from abusive women who initiate fights so as to use the system in order to get full control of the kids, the homes and even men's salary:

It is full time we men put a stop to this wickedness that is encouraged and fully supported by the judicial system of America:

Please help stop such injustices by supporting Test of Fate outreach ministry for men:

Please register using this link: http://178.63.87.125/virtualsipcalling/login/

Men please I beg of you don’t turn a blind eye or deaf ear to what is taking place as far as the rights of men are concerned, if we continue to do so soon and very soon many who thought it just couldn’t happen to them will find themselves becoming a felon overnight for crimes of which they did not commit:

I respectfully ask of you to visit my website see what happened to me for doing my fatherly duty in trying to protect my son from an abusive situation:

http://testoffate.com

Finally I am appealing to all men who have suffered due to false allegations, as well as the heartless ways in which the justice system awards alimony, child support, the home and other assets not to take revenge by murdering anyone, especially your children:


Meeks 3 years ago

Hi everyone i will never forget the help the Mother Esango Shrine render to me in my marital life. i have been married for 4 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how the Mother Esango help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of Mother Esango. I told her my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self i did after some time she called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 13days. She told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen. that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their Shrine anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give Mother Esango a try she powerful and kind. i know she will also bring back your husband. i promise to keep sharing her good work any time i'm on the internet. when ever i come across a forum like this, i always share the testimony. contact her via mother_esango.shrine@angelic.com or visit her website www.esangoshrine.webs.com


Brynn Thorssen profile image

Brynn Thorssen 16 months ago from Colorado Springs, CO

Where did you get your statistics? They don't seem to mirror the CDC numbers.

And did you seriously say - well, you did seriously say - that a woman nagging her husband justifies his committing domestic violence against her?

I'm sure there are, as flip side said, a minuscule number of men being abuse by a partner (and many of those men are in homosexual relationships, by the way), but this male activism regarding female-on-male violence is getting out of hand. Many times, injuries suffered by the man are wounds incurred when the man is beating up on the woman and she's trying to defend herself .... you know ... oh poor me says the man when the police show up because he doesn't want to go to jail.

I am a victim of domestic violence - he broke my rib, among other things - and when I read essays like this, all I think of is how much this discounts all the terrible things that have been done to women and children in the name of "love," and how you all have no idea whatsoever of the horrors people are capable of visiting upon one another.

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