HOW TO DEAL WITH A BROKEN HEART OF A LOST ROMANTIC LOVE ? by Don Mashak
How to Deal with a Broken Heart ?
IT IS ALL A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE AND YOUR PERCEPTION OF REALITY
Hello All. I write this hub in response to a request by a fellow hubber for someone to post a hub response to the question, "How do I deal with a broken heart?" This person is a more seasoned citizen, so this will be a answer more appropriate to a person with a more mature and seasoned perspective on life. At the same time, I fully respect and empathize that this persons feelings are real and I will attempt to be considerate of those real feelings.
My Perspective and perception of life can be summed up as "In my youth I was an optimistic romantic idealist, Life Experiences have mae me a Cynical pragmatic realist. Also, in understanding my thought process, I also subscribe to the premise that you choose to feel the way you feel.
BEFORE I SAY MORE, THE SIMPLE ANSWER IS CHOCOLATE, FOLLOWED BY CHOCOLATE, WITH MORE CHOCOLATE AS REQUIRED.
In no way is this meant to be the single best answer for all the various personalities, perspectives, ages, realities, cultures and expereinces represented by the entire American Culture.
This answerr is aimed at the average more seasoned middle class 3rd generation or more American Citizen living in the early 21st century having a more traditional set of values.
THERE IS NO ONE SIMPLE ANSWER, IT DEPENDS ON YOUR EXPERIENCES AND BELIEF SYSTEM
ARE YOU A ROMANTIC IN THE CLASSIC STYLE OF WESTERN LOVE?
Some of us are Romantics... Indeed I think most of us in the USA enter adulthood (18-25) as romantics believing perceptions of love instilled in us by movies, TV, music, Church, Institutions of learning, Society, Parents and our own hormones.
Young love lends itself to optimism, with young bodies giving us that anything is possible optimism. I am not even going to try to explain to the young romantic how to get over the heartache of the breakup. I do not want to be the messenger that prematurely ends their optimistic, romantic, idealistic perception of the world. I encourage those less seasoned citiezens to live in that blissfully simple belief system for as long as you can or 25 years old, whichever comes first. Stop reading if you are under 25 years old.
For the purposes of this hubpage, we are going to define love as the
classic Western Love invented in 13th Century Europe. See the links in the next section for a more detailed description of what constitutes the Concept of Western Love.
LINKS TO DESCRIPTIONS AND DEFINITIONS OF WESTERN ROMANTIC COURTLY LOVE
- Psychology of love@Everything2.com
Romeo and Juliet around the World: A Cross-Cultural Examination of Romantic Love and Mate SelectionSomewhat clinical Discussion of Love
- Who invented love? | Ask Metafilter
I've read that the idea of romantic love was 'invented' in the middle ages. I'm not sure I totally understand what that means, but I do get that in many cultures until that point (and after too of course) mates were chosen based on their suitability
- The History of Love
B. The History of Love Where does mankind stand today relative to love and sex? Where is mankind going? By objectively analyzing and studying the fascinating and sometimes startling history of love and sex, one can learn where mankind has been romant
- Courtly love - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Courtly love was a medieval European conception of nobly and chivalrously expressing love and admiration. Generally, courtly love was secret and between members of the nobility. It was also generally not practiced between husband and wife.
- Love Defined - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal at
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE A BROKEN HEART? - 4 SCENARIOS OF BREAKING UP
BREAKING UP - 4 SCENARIOS
Now that we the adults are alone. Let us begin with the premise that You have had enough experience with life and love to know the difference between love and lust. Let us also proceed with the premise, that you know you cannot fully give into romance early in a relationship because the opposite sex can be duplicitous, communicating sweet nothings with ulterior motives. Further, you know that the "spark" of initial love, even true love, declines over time.
With all of those premises and beliefs defined and out of the way, "How
you deal with a broken heart", depends on how and why you thought you
were in love?
Are you in Scenario 1 : Did your significant
other lead you to believe you were in love but had unterior motives and
ended the relationship when they acheived their goal or realized they
would not ever acheive their goal?
When the lust/love/new spark is gone, both parties have to have the desire and the chemistry to spend a lifetime together. As couples spend more time together, they learn more about each other. Sometimes they learn that they do not have the chemistry to last a life time.
In Scenario 2, "DId your sincere Significant other decide you two did not have the chemistry to last a life time and ended the relationship?"
In Scenario 3, "Did you decide that you two did not have the chemistry to last a lifetime and you ended the relationship.?"
And Lastly, Scenario 4, "You so desperately wanted this relationship to be love that you convinced yourself it was love, despite intuitive or obvious signals that it was not true love?"
The 4 possible Scenarios being defined, we will explore strategies for getting over a broken heart for each of these 4 scenarios in the next module.
THE GRIEF OF THE LOSS OF A ROMANTIC LOVE
HOW DO I DEAL WITH A BROKEN HEART?
We have identified the 4 basic scenarios under which you can break up from a romantic relationship. How we deal with the broken heart is different for each Scenario. All breakups require a breakup period and involve a roller coaster of emotions. No 2 people are a like... Remember that every ending is a new beginning. But let us address the diffenences between the Scenarios.
Scenario 1 : Did your significant other lead you to believe you were in love but had unterior motives and ended the relationship when they achieved their goal or realized they would not ever achieve their goal?
I presume that most of the persons in this category will be women. (though I acknowedge that women might have a goal of revenge or money) I am sorry that someone was so selfish and amoral to take advantage of you. Somehow the loneliness and loss of a breakup is magnified several times when you find you were tricked or betrayed. I can only say time heals all wounds. Allow your self some time mourn the loss of the relationshiop. Pour out your emotions in journals or letters but never send them to your X. Remember that grief is not love, you are just mourning a loss. Start memorizing the clues of what led to the betrayal and refuse to not notice them in your next relationshiop. More importantly, realize you were the better person and console yourself with the knowledge that you discovered the true nature of your X. And consider the activities listed in the link section below.
In Scenario 2, "DId
your sincere Significant other decide you two did not have the
chemistry to last a life time and ended the relationship?" I think this is the toughest of all broken hearts to mend. Your hopes and dreams seemed dashed on the rocks. You recount the entire relationship and wonder what you could have done differently. Again, Time heals all wounds. Write in a journal or letters your feelings and emotions. (Do not send the letters to your X) Read carefully the various links that follow this section. This is probably the most difficult broken heart to mend.
In Scenario 3, "Did you decide that you two did not have the chemistry to last a lifetime and you ended the relationship.?" This is probably the easiest to mend, if any heartbreak is ever easy. Just go over the reasons for ending the relationship whenever you feel the temptation to see them romantically again. Remember why they did not fit your requirments to reach your goals and aspirations. You knew there would be heartache and consequences and presumably you prepared yourself for this eventuallity. Start someone as soon as you feel ready, to put your dreams and aspirations back on track.
And Lastly, Scenario 4, "You so desperately wanted this relationship to be love that you convinced yourself it was love, despite intuitive or obvious signals that it was not true love?" This is probably the toughest heart break to mend. If you are the type to recognize your error, greive as the person in Scenario 2 and work to avoid deluding yourself again in your next relationship. If necessary, seek professional help. Just remember that deluding yourself inevitably will work to your disadvantage. Goals and Aspirations require working in reality.
And for those of you that must rationalize some form of revenge....Remember that Living Well is the Best Revenge. Remember that love and hate are 2 different ways of letting someone know you care about them. When you stop caring for the other person, either through love or hate, you truly no longer care about them....
Most importantly if you feel overwhelmed, seek professional help. If you are unsure, ask your freinds and family. As a rough rule of thumb, barring other conplicatioins you should more the loss of the realtionship for 1 week for each month it lasted or 1 month for each year that it lasted... When in doubt, seek professional guidance.
MORE ADVICE AND THINGS TO DO TO RECOVER FROM A BROKEN HEART
- Getting Past Your Breakup « Getting Past Your Past
Getting Past Your Breakup: 10 Things To Do To Move On NOW! Even when we see a breakup coming, it can be devastating to suddenly be alone. Perhaps we were still holding onto hope that it would last. Perhaps we were just deep in denial about everything
- Healing After Break Up or Divorce Articles & Excerpts
Healing After Break Up or Divorce 31 Articles & Excerpts
- Broken Heart - Heal Your Broken Heart- Get Over a Break Up
How to heal your broken heart - get over a relationship after a break up or divorce.