HOW TO DEAL WITH A BROKEN HEART OF A LOST ROMANTIC LOVE ? by Don Mashak

How to Deal with a Broken Heart ?

Tis Better To HAve Loved and Lost Than to Never Have Loved at All
Tis Better To HAve Loved and Lost Than to Never Have Loved at All

IT IS ALL A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE AND YOUR PERCEPTION OF REALITY

Hello All. I write this hub in response to a request by a fellow hubber for someone to post a hub response to the question, "How do I deal with a broken heart?" This person is a more seasoned citizen, so this will be a answer more appropriate to a person with a more mature and seasoned perspective on life. At the same time, I fully respect and empathize that this persons feelings are real and I will attempt to be considerate of those real feelings.

My Perspective and perception of life can be summed up as "In my youth I was an optimistic romantic idealist, Life Experiences have mae me a Cynical pragmatic realist. Also, in understanding my thought process, I also subscribe to the premise that you choose to feel the way you feel.

BEFORE I SAY MORE, THE SIMPLE ANSWER IS CHOCOLATE, FOLLOWED BY CHOCOLATE, WITH MORE CHOCOLATE AS REQUIRED.

In no way is this meant to be the single best answer for all the various personalities, perspectives, ages, realities, cultures and expereinces represented by the entire American Culture.

This answerr is aimed at the average more seasoned middle class 3rd generation or more American Citizen living in the early 21st century having a more traditional set of values.

THERE IS NO ONE SIMPLE ANSWER, IT DEPENDS ON YOUR EXPERIENCES AND BELIEF SYSTEM

How you deal with the heartbreak of love lost depends on whether your perception on love is based on beliefs instilled in you by movies, TV, Church and Institutions of Learning, society and your parents or from your own experiences.
How you deal with the heartbreak of love lost depends on whether your perception on love is based on beliefs instilled in you by movies, TV, Church and Institutions of Learning, society and your parents or from your own experiences.

ARE YOU A ROMANTIC IN THE CLASSIC STYLE OF WESTERN LOVE?

Some of us are Romantics... Indeed I think most of us in the USA enter adulthood (18-25) as romantics believing perceptions of love instilled in us by movies, TV, music, Church, Institutions of learning, Society, Parents and our own hormones.

Young love lends itself to optimism, with young bodies giving us that anything is possible optimism. I am not even going to try to explain to the young romantic how to get over the heartache of the breakup. I do not want to be the messenger that prematurely ends their optimistic, romantic, idealistic perception of the world. I encourage those less seasoned citiezens to live in that blissfully simple belief system for as long as you can or 25 years old, whichever comes first. Stop reading if you are under 25 years old.

For the purposes of this hubpage, we are going to define love as the classic Western Love invented in 13th Century Europe.  See the links in the next section for a more detailed description of what constitutes the Concept of Western Love.


HOW TO DEAL WITH THE A BROKEN HEART? - 4 SCENARIOS OF BREAKING UP

TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.
TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.

BREAKING UP - 4 SCENARIOS

Now that we the adults are alone. Let us begin with the premise that You have had enough experience with life and love to know the difference between love and lust. Let us also proceed with the premise, that you know you cannot fully give into romance early in a relationship because the opposite sex can be duplicitous, communicating sweet nothings with ulterior motives. Further, you know that the "spark" of initial love, even true love, declines over time.

With all of those premises and beliefs defined and out of the way, "How you deal with a broken heart", depends on how and why you thought you were in love?

Are you in Scenario 1 : Did your significant other lead you to believe you were in love but had unterior motives and ended the relationship when they acheived their goal or realized they would not ever acheive their goal?

When the lust/love/new spark is gone, both parties have to have the desire and the chemistry to spend a lifetime together. As couples spend more time together, they learn more about each other. Sometimes they learn that they do not have the chemistry to last a life time.

In Scenario 2, "DId your sincere Significant other decide you two did not have the chemistry to last a life time and ended the relationship?"

In Scenario 3, "Did you decide that you two did not have the chemistry to last a lifetime and you ended the relationship.?"

And Lastly, Scenario 4, "You so desperately wanted this relationship to be love that you convinced yourself it was love, despite intuitive or obvious signals that it was not true love?"

The 4 possible Scenarios being defined, we will explore strategies for getting over a broken heart for each of these 4 scenarios in the next module.


THE GRIEF OF THE LOSS OF A ROMANTIC LOVE

Grieving the loss of a Romantic Love
Grieving the loss of a Romantic Love

HOW DO I DEAL WITH A BROKEN HEART?

We have identified the 4 basic scenarios under which you can break up from a romantic relationship. How we deal with the broken heart is different for each Scenario. All breakups require a breakup period and involve a roller coaster of emotions. No 2 people are a like... Remember that every ending is a new beginning. But let us address the diffenences between the Scenarios.

Scenario 1 : Did your significant other lead you to believe you were in love but had unterior motives and ended the relationship when they achieved their goal or realized they would not ever achieve their goal?

I presume that most of the persons in this category will be women. (though I acknowedge that women might have a goal of revenge or money) I am sorry that someone was so selfish and amoral to take advantage of you. Somehow the loneliness and loss of a breakup is magnified several times when you find you were tricked or betrayed. I can only say time heals all wounds. Allow your self some time mourn the loss of the relationshiop. Pour out your emotions in journals or letters but never send them to your X. Remember that grief is not  love, you are just mourning a loss. Start memorizing the clues of what led to the betrayal and refuse to not notice them in your next relationshiop. More importantly, realize you were the better person and console yourself with the knowledge that you discovered the true nature of your X. And consider the activities listed in the link section below.

In Scenario 2, "DId your sincere Significant other decide you two did not have the chemistry to last a life time and ended the relationship?"  I think this is the toughest of all broken hearts to mend.  Your hopes and dreams seemed dashed on the rocks.  You recount the entire relationship and wonder what you could have done differently.  Again, Time heals all wounds.  Write in a journal or letters your feelings and emotions. (Do not send the letters to your X) Read carefully the various links that follow this section.  This is probably the most difficult broken heart to mend.

In Scenario 3, "Did you decide that you two did not have the chemistry to last a lifetime and you ended the relationship.?"  This is probably the easiest to mend, if any heartbreak is ever easy.  Just go over the reasons for ending the relationship whenever you feel the temptation to see them romantically again.   Remember why they did not fit your requirments to reach your goals and aspirations. You knew there would be heartache and consequences and presumably you prepared yourself for this eventuallity.  Start someone as soon as you feel ready, to put your dreams and aspirations back on track.

And Lastly, Scenario 4, "You so desperately wanted this relationship to be love that you convinced yourself it was love, despite intuitive or obvious signals that it was not true love?"  This is probably the toughest heart break to mend. If you are the type to recognize your error, greive as the person in  Scenario 2 and work to avoid deluding yourself again in your next relationship. If necessary, seek professional help.  Just remember that deluding yourself inevitably will work to your disadvantage.  Goals and Aspirations require working in reality.

And for those of you that must rationalize some form of revenge....Remember that Living Well is the Best Revenge. Remember that love and hate are 2 different ways of letting someone know you care about them. When you stop caring for the other person, either through love or hate, you truly no longer care about them....

Most importantly if you feel overwhelmed, seek professional help.  If you are unsure, ask your freinds and family.  As a rough rule of thumb, barring other conplicatioins you should more the loss of the realtionship for 1 week for each month it lasted or 1 month for each year that it lasted...  When in doubt, seek professional guidance.

TTHOUGH IT MAY SEEM LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD; HE ONLY END OF THE WORLD IS THE ACTUAL END OF THE WORLD

Every Sunrise is a new day, Every Ending is a new Beginning
Every Sunrise is a new day, Every Ending is a new Beginning

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO TELL ME IF I WAS FULL ON RIGHT OR JUST FULL OF IT! 5 comments

My Thoughts 4 years ago

When someone walks away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied up in someone who thinks so little of you. It does not mean they are a bad person, it just means their part in your story is over. Turn the page with optimism knowing you have learned the lesson that experience was meant to teach you. I never knew for sure but now I can say without any hesitation: Everything really does happen for a reason.


DEVON 6 years ago

it's nevr easy to lose the one you love,howevr these are all thaken differently form one'presprective my opinion about this passage of recovering from heart break is very much relevant and most people can relate but in these hard emotional times putting yourself first and not being selfless can also be a start of recovery it's important to remember your heart and try to forgive angolize the past relashionship think about the good not the bad but also take time for yourself work on any areas of improvement and prepare yourself for and even better future in love its not the end of the world sometime timing is of an induvisial my need time to grow don't keep holding on the best healing comes when you let go and let time and fath work


stormskeep profile image

stormskeep 7 years ago

The root of bitterness, comes from pain. Pain is a result from injury or peril. The loss of love will cause the worst pain, which we create wicked scorn. But through grace we find joy, to relieve our pain, and through salvation, we find grace!


rajelhi profile image

rajelhi 7 years ago

If you loved your partner by heart not by flash, then this question does not arise, if it is flash then forget, go and find next, or you will never forget your partners inner good nature and your beloved partner will come again sooner or later, be good to yourself, enjoy life by helping needy, poor, sick, downtrodens and keep seeking Gods miracle in your and your partners life, God is good all the time and all the time God is Good


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

One thing you learn in life, is that nobody is irreplacable. Someone else will come into your life with different strengths and weaknesses. But, for that to happen, you need to stop moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. Wake up in the morning knowing it's a brand new day, you can have brand new dreams, brand new goals and a brand new life. Look on the past relationship as a lesson to prepare yourself for the next relationship. You have one life, so live it to its fullest.

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