Do's, (Mostly Don't's) of Girl-Watching

I ask you . . .honestly

WHAT NORMAL AMERICAN (OR FOREIGN) MAN WOULD BE DUMB ENOUGH TO LOOK AWAY WHEN THIS BLOND BEAUTY WALKED BY HIM?
WHAT NORMAL AMERICAN (OR FOREIGN) MAN WOULD BE DUMB ENOUGH TO LOOK AWAY WHEN THIS BLOND BEAUTY WALKED BY HIM?

My Cast of Characters Are . . .

MY GUEST STARS ON THIS HUB ARE MY FAVORITE CARTOON ICONS, ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE
MY GUEST STARS ON THIS HUB ARE MY FAVORITE CARTOON ICONS, ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE
ALTHOUGH THIS PRETTY GIRL IS PREPARING TO SHOWER OUTSIDE, SHE STILL MAKES A GOOD CANDIDATE FOR GIRL-WATCHERS.
ALTHOUGH THIS PRETTY GIRL IS PREPARING TO SHOWER OUTSIDE, SHE STILL MAKES A GOOD CANDIDATE FOR GIRL-WATCHERS.
THIS GIRL IS ANGRY AT HER BOYFRIEND FOR PROBABLY LOOKING AT (OTHER) PRETTY GIRLS.
THIS GIRL IS ANGRY AT HER BOYFRIEND FOR PROBABLY LOOKING AT (OTHER) PRETTY GIRLS.
WONDERFUL POSTURE. YOU CAN TELL A PRETTY GIRL WHO VISITS THE GYM REGUARLY.
WONDERFUL POSTURE. YOU CAN TELL A PRETTY GIRL WHO VISITS THE GYM REGUARLY.
SHE HAS GORGEOUS HAIR. PROBABLY WASHES IT EVERYDAY. IN PRELL.
SHE HAS GORGEOUS HAIR. PROBABLY WASHES IT EVERYDAY. IN PRELL.
PRETTY POSE FOR THIS ATTRACTIVE BRUNETTE.
PRETTY POSE FOR THIS ATTRACTIVE BRUNETTE.
THIS CUTE BLOND IS PROBABLY A FAVORITE AMONG GIRL-WATCHERS IN HER HOMETOWN. OR ANYWHERE SHE GOES.
THIS CUTE BLOND IS PROBABLY A FAVORITE AMONG GIRL-WATCHERS IN HER HOMETOWN. OR ANYWHERE SHE GOES.
SHE IS A TRUE BEAUTY. NOT A FLAW ANYWHERE.
SHE IS A TRUE BEAUTY. NOT A FLAW ANYWHERE.
GIRL-WATCHERS ARE BRAVE MEN. THIS GIRL-WATCHER IS WITH HIS PRETTY GIRLFIREND, AND STILL CONTINUES TO WATCH PRETTY GIRLS.
GIRL-WATCHERS ARE BRAVE MEN. THIS GIRL-WATCHER IS WITH HIS PRETTY GIRLFIREND, AND STILL CONTINUES TO WATCH PRETTY GIRLS.
BINOCULARS WAS ONCE THE TOOL-OF-CHOICE FOR GIRL-WATCHERS, BUT NOW THEY ARE TOO CONSPICIOUS.
BINOCULARS WAS ONCE THE TOOL-OF-CHOICE FOR GIRL-WATCHERS, BUT NOW THEY ARE TOO CONSPICIOUS.

THIS HUB IS ABOUT GIRL-WATCHING.

That's all. Plain. Simple. This is not about political-uprisings. Riots. Occupy Wall Street groups. Just good old American girl-watching.


In my day, girl-watching was appreciated by most girls that walked near my girl-watching friends and I. We meant to harm. We just just honest guys who appreciated the beauty of God's most-tender creations, girls. Pretty girls. We didn't consider what we were doing sinful.


But as years went by, feminists got up in arms about girl-watching being sexist. Not fair to women, although girls could man-watch all day long without any remramand. What was fair about that? Let me answer for you. Nothing.


This hub is not to be taken so seriously that boycotts will be implemented, for I do not mean anything but respect for the females in my life. Those who follow me on hubs included. This is a humorous look at girl-watching. And a little tongue-in-cheek added for good measure.


I do hope that you will enjoy this hub as much as I did working on it most of the evening.


Thank you . . .

Kenneth Avery

"Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat!"

"Again?"

"Nothing up my sleeve!" (Tiger head: GRRRRR!)

"Now here's something we know you'll really like!"


So you think girl-watching is just a passing fad? Think again. So you think that girl-watching is just a bunch of lazy guys hanging-out to watch every pretty girl that goes by? Not a chance.


Please allow me to talk to you for a little while about a lost art. A faded-art. Girl-watching. Oh yeah, guys. Girl-watching could be on the "Endangered Hobby List," if you are not very prudent. And careful. I cannot lay all the blame for phasing-out girl-watching on the powerful group for women, the N.O.W., for that would be immature. I just want the facts out in the open.


Girl-watching has been around as long as there have been girls. Girls. I ask you to, as you help me trace the roots of girl-watching, back to pre-historical man, consider this scenario: The caveman needs a mate to carry on his bloodlines. What other choice does he have than to hang-out with his cavemen friends after the dinosaur races, and see which cave woman he will choose to be his mate. Thus, girl-watching was not only a fanciful habit, but a necessity.


Now that the roots of girl-watching has been established in pre-historical man days, we can look to the years of civilized man where the natural male-female attraction began to take on more than just a cold necessity, but a down-right, fun thing to do on a Saturday when young men were allowed to leave the farms and go to town. Wow-eee, what a time! We gonna have a hoe-down in the old town tonight!


A typical, but not proven, system of successful girl-watching might be where four or five guys find a place that is well-travelled by female shoppers in town for that Saturday and just sit quietly as they walk to and fro. Some bold girl-watchers might even whistle or give them a wolf-howl. And the girls, who were taught prim and proper behavior in those days, might "act" upset, but inside they were enjoying the fire out of the attention. What a thing to tell your girlfriend. "Hey, Sally Sue, guess who whistled at me today? No. No. Okay. It was, giggle, giggle, Lee Roy Hammer, Mr. Hamp Hammer's boy. You know Mr. Hammer. He owns the sawmill out of town!" And from there it would be Sally Sue's next turn to be the center of attention on the front of the Piggly Wiggly that following Saturday.


Before I get to involved. And carried-away. Let me tell you . . .

WHAT GIRL-WATCHING IS ABOUT . . .



  • Appreciating pretty girls and women who are made by God.
  • Enjoying, if you are a single guy, just how great a pretty girl looks as she floats down the center of the mall or sidewalk.
  • Keeping a true American art form alive for future generations of guys.
  • Showing the girls and women that they are still appreciated as females, not livestock.

WHAT GIRL-WATCHING IS NOT ABOUT . . .



  • Ogling. Stalking every girl that you see. This is cheap. Rude behavior.
  • Acting like an idiot and getting yourself arrested for lude remarks.
  • Making any girl feel dirty.
  • Bringing unwanted attention to the girls you watch.
  • Laughing like animals when a pretty girl smiles at you.


Right now, guys, who have never experienced a good afternoon of girl-watching, you may be saying to yourself, "But, Kenneth. I'm not a girl-watcher. I could get in deep trouble for doing that." What? Big trouble? With whom? The law? Listen, my timid pal, you have listened to Satan or someone as slick, a presidential candidate, who has steered you in the wrong pathway. Cheer up. Relax. Exhale. I am here to straighten you out on girl-watching and how you can be a happier man if you know how to watch girls.

But before I do that, my timid pal, I want to tell you . . .

whom are not fit for girl-watching . . .


  • Shy. Self-conscious. Awkward guys. This is an arena for fit men. Daring men. Confident men.
  • Loud-mouths who love to make suggestive remarks to women to hear their equally-loud and rude pals laugh like donkeys.
  • Insecure men who cannot handle rejection. And harsh-looks from (some) girls.
  • Outdated fashion guys who do not know how to dress for 2012, but use their 1960s get-ups when they go to town.

OKAY, MY TIMID PAL, HERE IS HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL

GIRL-WATCHER . . .


  • DO NOT stand-out of the crowd. The last thing a successful girl-watcher wants is to bring attention to himself. Keep quiet. This way you can watch girls and not be detected.
  • BE IN CONTROL at all times. Do not cough. Sneeze. Scratch if an ant stings you on the foot. Be very reserved. Statuesque. Sudden. Nervous movement can 'scare away' the pretty girls from the place you have picked to watch them. Kinda like deer hunting. The most-sudden movement or suttle sound can spell doom for your hunting trip. Understand?
  • GIRL-WATCH if possible, alone, not with pals. There is something that's unnerving about a gang of guys hanging out. Doing nothing. And when a pretty girl walks by, they all stop talking. Their heads follow the pretty girl as far down the sidewalk as their eyes will let them.
  • DRESS IN SOFT TONES like professional deer hunters dress in camouflage. This will enable you to relax. Watch the girls more. Because if you blend-in with the crowd, she cannot see you.

THINGS NOT TO DO IF YOU WANT TO BE A SUCCESSFUL

GIRL-WATCHER . . .


  • DISGUISE YOURSELF in a bear suit. Clown suit. Or oak tree. And think that girls won't see you. They will. Girls have excellent sight. And if you were to wear some outlandish costume and get caught when the girls scream in fear, you will have to wear that costume all night in your local jail. Imagine how that would go over.
  • SING ORIGINAL SONGS that YOU have written. First, you will be made into a laughingstock by the pretty girls--unless you sound like Usher, Jay Zee, or some other talented singer. And second, what good would it do? Girls had rather hear songs on an MP3 player for it has better quality. Better sound.
  • BE OVERLY-CONFIDENT standing up flashing your just-cleaned teeth at the girls. They hate a show-off. Really. If I were you, just starting out, I'd just be humble. Quiet. Shy. And sincere. And the girls will appreciate you watching them. Some might go out with you. But make absolutely sure that it's not out of pity, but because they want to.
  • "ACT" like you are NOT girl-watching. One thing that any girl cannot stand is a fake. If she catches you, just own it. Say, "yes. I am guilty of girl-watching and I must say, you are the prettiest girl I've seen today," and hopefully she won't mop up the ground with you.

NOW FOR SOME IMPORTANT QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS . . .



QUESTION: Kenneth, do I have to be, like, really smart to be a girl-watcher?

ANSWER: (laughs) no, sir. You do not need an IQ of 237 to be a girl-watcher, but you do need to be smart enough to not stand up and yell at girls passing by in a Walt Disney's Goofy voice, "Heyyy, garsh! I'm uh, girl-watcher...look-a here! I seeee you!" An average IQ is just fine.

QUESTION: will the police arrest me for girl-watching?

ANSWER: if you are only watching girls out of the corner of your eye, or looking past them, what law are you breaking, living? If you are in a public place, say a park, and sitting on a wooden bench feeding the hungry pigeons, no court in the land would dare spend taxpayer monies on you just casually looking in the general direction of the pretty girls. But if you lunge off the bench at them and act like a German Shepherd, the police can and will haul you in.

QUESTION: why do I feel 'funny,' when I girl-watch?

ANSWER: unless you are a stand-up comic, I can assume the 'funny' feeling is yourself feeling something good. Clean. Moral. Girl-watching is not illegal. It only seems that way.

QUESTION: are there just certain places that are made for girl-watching?

ANSWER: (laughs), well you can watch girls most anywhere. Shopping malls; sidewalks; in the park; while sitting on the grass in the park--reading a book; while up a tree, but do not resort to climbing a tree to watch a girl. Anywhere there are pretty girls, you should have sense enough to figure out where to plant yourself and watch them.


. . .one more question. Yes, you in the back. In the red sweater.

QUESTION: Mr. Kenneth, last week my regular girl slapped me when she caught me looking at this really good-looking check-out girl at the 7-11. I apologized a lot that night. Now she won't let it go. What should I have done?

ANSWER: that's easy. You should have smiled that devilish smile that she likes and said, "busted!" "I looked at that girl there. You better thank your lucky stars that I didn't look at your sister," that would have shown your girl that you are a manly-man. Hard to tame. A loner. A guy she had better hold onto.

Thank you for the "Q&A," now a final topic about girl-watching:

TOOLS THE "OLD PRO" GIRL-WATCHERS USED . . .


  • Newspapers with a hole cut out in the fold. This worked for years. But the risk of coming home with ink on the nose put a stop to that.
  • Fake naps was a favorite tool of the "old pro" girl-watchers, and it was simple to do. You just bend your head over while sitting on a public bench or seat, then as the pretty girl sways by you, carefully open one eye. Then two. You can girl-watch a long time using the fake nap. But do not stay too long on the park bench or seat, for innocent by-standers might think you have passed away.
  • Binoculars were the front-line tool for bold girl-watchers. And the pro' who used them had an excuse already made-up if they were caught, "Oh, you think I was looking at you, sister? That's very self-flattering. I was, in fact, watching that Red-Crowned, Brown-Breasted Water Crow on that building over there. Not you." These old-timers really knew their stuff.
  • The 'group' effort was an easy way to watch girls. You get in the center of your pals who have their backs turned to the passage way where the pretty girls will be walking and keep ducked-down. Out of sight. When a pretty girl walks by, you ease-up and look at her walk by and then you take your turn at shielding one of your good-hearted friends who also loves to watch girls.


You see, there was more to girl-watching that you might have imagined. And I am so glad that my research outlets came through for me on this hub, which was tough to write. I had to respect the ladies of my readership and at the same time, say truthful things to the menfolks who have never had the wonderful experience of girl-watching.

And to the girls. Women. Ladies. No disrespect was intended by this hub. It is not your fault that you are attractive. Pretty. With perfect features. Just keep this in mind, our married lady friends

. . .your loving hubby was once a girl-watcher. How do you think he spotted you?

"A SINCERE THANK YOU TO ALL

WHO TOOK THE TIME TO READ THIS HUB."

Kenneth.









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(Guys) Have YOU Ever Been Guilty of Being a Girl-Watcher?

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Comments 23 comments

JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

Hi, Kenneth....A funny Hub with more than a kernel of truth about an entrenched pastime of guys. I must say, however, this was the first time I ever encountered the "art" of girl-watching equated with deer hunting!

Back in the day (when I was very young), I enjoyed the looks of boys and young men who ventured to look my way in an appreciative manner, so long as they didn't do or say anything crude. Even later (and this refers to the days after women's equality on this front began in the '60s), I wasn't above a bit of man-watching myself...no harm intended, just appreciation, you might say. "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander" as the old saying goes, or vice versa. Nowadays, you'll probably find just as many (or even more) girls and women overtly man-watching than the other way round.

Funny Hub, and voted UP and FUNNY.


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 4 years ago from South Carolina

I enjoyed this humorous hub about the art of girl watching in times past and present. Thanks for making me smile. Hubby always "fesses up" when I "catch" him girl watching and then he reminds me that it's proof he's still alive and well! (smile).

Voted up, funny and interesting.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello and thank you, Jaye, for your honest, warm, and uplifting comments. Ive heard also, and this isn't in the hub, that some girlfriends and wives, have smacked their partners and caused injury, for their insecurities about their partners glancing at a pretty girl or handsome guy. I just wanted to put girl-watching back into the forefront of vintage American male hobbies.

Thanks again, Jaye!

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

HappyBoomerNurse, thank you as well for your sweet comment. Your hubby is a good man. And 'fessing' up proves that. No newspaper with hole in it for him. He sounds like a Openly Proud Girl-Watcher...not a Close Girl-Watcher...I personally, if I were married to Teri Hatcher, Desperate Housewives, Jessica Alba, would I still appreciate other pretty girls? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! What a stupid question Ive just asked. LOL. Thanks for your input and have a safe and happy Wednesday!

Your friend, Kenneth


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

Wow -- super Hub. I recall the days of girl watching you describe. I pretty much always felt flattered if the guy didn't get too obvious -- wolf whistles were great. Fact is, and I'm an old lady, got a wolf whistle the other day from some construction workers about a block away (old ladies pray for this kind of thing) last week. Boosted this old ego -- felt plumb fancy for the rest of the week! Just loved this Hub Kenneth -- Voted UP. Best, Sis


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

Kenneth, you are so funny! If done respectively, I don't think any girl minds being watched or maybe noticed is a better word. The only thing I have to disagree with you on is girl watching while you're with your current girlfriend or wife. That is a huge no-no in my book. How about it girls...agree with me?

I enjoyed the hub tremendously...you always keep me laughing! Thanks for that.


Sarah Writes profile image

Sarah Writes 4 years ago from California

Hey Kenneth, super funny hub, but also very true! Girl watching isn’t a bad thing, in fact I know many women who are flattered if it is done right. But when a guy is as you put it "laughing like an animal," and glaring at you like some unhinged person that’s when it gets uncomfortable, and all the flattery is lost. Bottom line is be tasteful! Unique hub topic voting up!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Dear Angela,

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH ---for the lively comment. I do appreciate the support and encouragement. I left out a bold move that some of my friends would do if they viewed a pretty girl...WINK....and that got some of them chewed out...but I also noticed that when the 'angry' female got back to her friends, they all giggled. I could see into this...maybe the chewing out was her way of saving face and yet telling my buddy that she liked him, huh? An "I like that," without the drama, would have worked too. LOL.

Thanks again! Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, catgypsy! How have you been lately? Is 2012 going your way? I hope so. Thank YOU for the super-comment which I agree with you--girl-watching, if done respectfully, is fine and that line about guys watching girls while with their girlfriends/wives...not good. You have my support. I hope you have a great day, catgypsy. I always enjoy reading your comments.

Sincerely, KENNETH


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Sarah . . .thank you, thank you, thank you . . .for your nice words. Made me feel better today. The laughing like a donkey thing...seen it done before...and the guy who did it was NOT me, but a friend, who lived a lonely life. Sad. Maybe a do-over back to where he did his donkey act and he didn't do it again might have led to his getting a date, huh?

Thanks, dear Sarah for your comments.

Your friend, Kenneth///who is NOT a donkey trainer.


CMerritt profile image

CMerritt 4 years ago from Pendleton, Indiana

As an old pro girl watcher, I think you have nailed this hub perfect!!

I think many rookies make the mistake and think that there is nothing to it....but, YES, you have laid it all out...it is an art, and takes years of practice to become GOOD.

Fun hub! and i vote across the board!

Chris


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My brother, Chris...you are a truly GREAT friend. And follower. Thank YOU and may God bless you for your comments and votes. Maybe you can pass along the artistry of real girl-watching to the young men in and around you. They deserve a great teacher.

Your friend, KENNETH


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Kenneth,

The song, "Standing on the Corner" comes to mind.

Men are girl watchers. It is in their blood. I dated a guy years ago that would gawk at other girls when he was with me. Nothing wrong with looking at a pretty girl but be discreet and respectful of your date.

I wouldn't slap a guy who looked at another girl but I didn't agree with your answer about you are lucky I wasn't looking at your sister. Like the girl should be thankful that you are with her. I wouldn't say a word but I would be gone so fast that the guy's head would spin.

Voted up and awesome.


wonderingwoolley profile image

wonderingwoolley 4 years ago from Madison, WI

I'm so grateful that you share your humor on HP. Usually I'd be offended if my honey was doing some serious girl-watching, and the topic would irritate me. However, your humor and wit really makes this you a nice hubber to follow. Thank you so much! Way to go, your awesome!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest Sueswan, LOL, and I agree too. The 'redneck' that said that to his wife, or girlfriend, is a low-life. I should have indicated his redneck status. Sorry. But you made me see a clear point. Girl-watching CAN be dangerous. And social-damaging. LOL.

Thanks, dear Sueswan, KENNETH


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

PS . . .Dear Sueswan . . .I got to enthrolled with your comment I forgot, honest, to thank you for your votes. I appreciate that...If I had a do-over, Id put a Video of that song about the street corner in this hub...by the way, HubPages sent me an email telling me, and us, about how to POLISH UP old hubs . . .hmmm...I may let THIS one settle. Then polish up with That song. Thanks, Sueswan.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

A Warm and Gracious Hello to:

wonderingwolley, how can I thank YOU enough for YOUR comment? This is so nice that Im without preparation of adequate 'thank you' words. And I sincerely appreciate your Opinions of my humor. I have a personal agenda...it goes like this: "Im a simple man. With a simple mind. On a simple mission. To put as many smiles on as many faces as possible before my simple life is over." And go easy on your companion. He is only a normal guy...make sure that he respects YOU enough to NOT look at other girls. Okay?

Thanks again,

KENNETH


wonderingwoolley profile image

wonderingwoolley 4 years ago from Madison, WI

No worries, Kenneth, he's good about it, just an observant guy who takes everything in, which means girls too. But we're hopelessly devoted, so never fear. Thanks again for being so fun though!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, wondering, that's great news. I love great news. Especially when good friends like yourself is the subject. Hopelessly devoted. What a wonderful description of natural happiness. You are very welcome for the fun and laughs. My pleasure. Believe me.

Thanks, Kenneth


taheruddin profile image

taheruddin 4 years ago from Khulna Bangladesh

vote up, awesome, I feel it, girl-watching .... But I am more curious about how girls feel about boy-watching......


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Good input,taheruddin. Why don't you write a hub from THEIR perspective? That would be a great read and interesting too.

Thanks for your input.

Kenneth


Julie DeNeen profile image

Julie DeNeen 4 years ago from Clinton CT

This is interesting...I went from raising my fist in feminine anger to laughing hysterically. Hmmm....I'll tell you what- I read the whole thing! :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

June 19

Dear Julie . . .thank you so much for reading and commenting on this hub. Glad to make you laugh. And later in the week, check your inbox for My Personal Note of Thanks to YOU for following me. You cannot fathom just ow much I appreciate that warm gesture. And as for feminine anger, I can write hub after hub about that subject and how men should NEVER provoke any woman.

Thanks again!

Kenneth

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