EXPOSED: Some of The Things That Sexy Raquel Welch CANNOT Do

Taking in the sun
Taking in the sun
Such a gorgeous lady
Such a gorgeous lady

Are you ready for a treat?

This piece is about Hollywood icon, Raquel Welch. It's only about Raquel Welch. So if you were searching HubPages for a hub about the longevity of Ford tractors, the sex life of American turtles, secret ways to become a Nina or how to get free plastic surgery, you are in the wrong place.

Raquel Welch is beyond gorgeous. She can wear anything from a mini-skirt, even in 2015, to a bikini on a subway and get away with it. Not that she is hateful, overbearing, or a female bully. It's just that she is that confident, so say nothing about being naturally charming.

Even In bell bottoms, Raquel is beautiful
Even In bell bottoms, Raquel is beautiful

Raquel Welch is almost invincible

Name the film or stage production at random, on a dare or bet, and Raquel can do it. That's not boasting. Well, yes, it is. She has talent oozing from her pores. I would use an old line like: "Man, would I like to apply suntan oil over her pores," but that would be cheap and a total lack of respect.

I would only apply suntan oil over her pores "if" she asked me. Then I would do it slowly and not pound her like a beef steak in a cheap restaurant. Welch is worthy of respect by men and women.

Welch is a pure work of art
Welch is a pure work of art

A few more images of Raquel Welch for your enjoyment

As beautiful as ever
As beautiful as ever
Gorgeous hair
Gorgeous hair
Ready to make her fans happy
Ready to make her fans happy
So deep and unpredictable
So deep and unpredictable

Welch is a picturesque woman

Then even with my careful, pains-taking technique to apply suntain oil to her perfect back, I might blow it for my hands sweating and shaking so much (from nerves) that she would ask me to leave and what would hurt deeply would be her not even looking at me eye-to-eye. It has been said of Raquel that she can be cold-hearted. But not just because she can get away with it, but because she was provoked.

(Sigh). Raquel Welch in my opinion, is a tad prettier than Duchess Kate Middleton. And friends, that says a lot about this Hollywood fixture who says what she means and never minces her words. Raquel Welch is so powerful, I do not think that I would last through a classy dinner at her favorite restaurant. If I were sitting there and suddenly fall into a stare adoring her eyes, hair, mouth and perfect skin, I would surely faint. And be the "laughingstock" of Welch and the entire restaurant.

That's as far as I want to go with giving Raquel Welch so many accolades. I just hope (another one) of my Hollywood favorites, Jill St. John, is not reading this. Otherwise, as jealous as she is, this might be my last hub. I kid you not.

For as many things as Raquel Welch has mastered in her lifetime--on and off film, I can tell you truthfully that I found this hidden-document entitled:

EXPOSED: Some of The Things That Sexy Raquel Welch CANNOT Do

• Pick cotton by hand or even by a cotton picker machine.
• Swim the English Channel.
• Give a lecture at Harvard School of Law.
• Be the foreman over some “rough necks” on an oil rig in Houston, Texas.
• Do a good impression of “Capt. Kangaroo.”
• Whip Jeff Gordon, four-time points champ in Sprint Cup racing. (and by “whip,” I mean by hand).
• Win the Boston Marathon.
• Date Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin.
• Allow Robert Plant to date her.
• Appear in commercials for Crest toothpaste.
• Appear in a documentary about the locks and dams along the Mississippi River.
• Sing a sizzling duet with Country Music singer, Alan Jackson.
• Win the cross-country dogsledding competition.
• Train to be a star in The New York Ballet.
• Be the pitching coach for the New York Mets.
• Do stunning-impressions of the late Steve McQueen and others.
• Take on a western drawl when she’s had one too many martini’s.
• Go on tour with the Barnum-Bailey Circus as a juggler.
• Work as a fry cook without anyone recognizing her.
• Doing a re-make of the old sitcom, “Hogan’s Heroes,” where she would play “Col. Klink’s” sexy blond secretary. (why she couldn’t play this role is because is mosly a non-speaking role).
• Take on the role of Wonder Woman for she cannot master the golden lariat.
• Drive a taxicab in New York City. It might be too tame for her.
• Go on a docu-safari to the Amazon Jungle in search of Bigfoot.
• Make a living selling used cars.
• Go with local guys in Baton Rouge coon-hunting all night long.
• Go undercover for a division of the New York Police Department.
• Quote the entire script of “Grease” from front to back.

And now, Hollywood legend, Raquel Welch, I am issuing you a personal challenge. If you, on any day you choose as well as the site, can do just one of the above items, I will in-person or via mail, give you a brand-new, crisp one-hundred dollar bill. No strings attached.

Plus, I will write a hub admitting that I was wrong in writing this one. What have you got to lose?

A serious look
A serious look
A comical look
A comical look

Raquel Welch

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Raquel Welch (born Jo Raquel Tejada; September 5, 1940) is an American actress.

  • She first won attention for her role in Fantastic Voyage (1966), after which she won a contract with 20th Century-Fox. They loaned her to a British studio where she made One Million Years B.C. (1966). Although she had only three lines in the film, images of her in the the doe-skin bikini she wore in the film became a best-selling poster that turned her into an iconic sex symbol and catapulted her to stardom. She later starred in notable films like Bedazzled (1967), Bandolero! (1968), 100 Rifles (1969), and Myra Breckinridge (1970). She made several television variety specials. Welch is, as of 2013, a spokesperson for Foster Grant.
  • Raquel Welch's unique persona on film made her into one the reigning icons of the 1960s and 70s. She carved out a place in movie history portraying strong female characters and breaking the mold of the submissive sex symbol. In 1995, Welch was chosen by Empire Magazine as one of the 100 Sexiest Stars in Film History. Playboy Magazine named Welch no. 3 on their 100 Sexiest Stars of the Twentieth Century list. In 2011, Men's Health Magazine ranked her no. 2 in its Hottest Women of All Time list

Look at how great Raquel can act

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Comments 10 comments

Jodah profile image

Jodah 21 months ago from Queensland Australia

Great hub Kenneth. I have always been a huge Raquel Welch fan...beautiful and strong woman that she is. Voted up.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 21 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Thank you, Jodah. Your words mean a lot. I am serious about that. Take care and come by anytime.

Peace.


Marie Flint profile image

Marie Flint 21 months ago from Jacksonville, FL

I decided to read this one, Kenneth, not because I'm a fan of Raquel, but because I'm interested in youthful-looking longevity, and Raquel seems to have a few tricks up her sleeve.

I don't agree with all your points about what the lady can't do, but I bet your dreaming of the day she'll contact you to take up your challenge!

Voted Funny.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 21 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

Very funny, Ken. Raquel certainly has defied the ravages of time. She still looks beautiful!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 21 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Marie,

Thanks for making my night by commenting that you read this piece, and it is cool to disagree.

I wish movie makers would get her for an upgraded version of Super-Girl/Woman.

And if she wants to challenge . . .bring it.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 21 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Genna,

Thank you for stopping by and leaving such a sweet comment.

I am curious. Well, you have made me curious. I wonder what she does or what she uses to stay this pretty.

Come back anytime.


vkwok profile image

vkwok 20 months ago from Hawaii

Awesome hub, Kenneth!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

vkwok,

Dear friend, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Have a blessed day.


Michael 18 months ago

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kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 18 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Michael,

Wow.

I wish I knew what you were talking about, but your text sure was intelligent and deep.

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