Easy Ways to Scare Guys Away on a First Date

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He'll Lose Your Number Fast

Dating can be such a pain. For women, we have to get our nails done, fix our hair, shave our legs, wear something cute, put on makeup, and then hope the guy will appreciate the hours of preparation that went into going on a date. Who needs all that anyway? Wouldn't it be easier just to scare off all those pesky guys that keep asking you out? Once again, I am here to help you.

Maybe dating itself is even OK for you, but you are sitting across from a total creep. He is chewing with his mouth open, he is telling you how Mother won't approve of you, and he has been flirting with the waitress. It looks like you are going to need to scare this guy off as quickly as possible. You never need to see him again. Check out this list of easy ways to scare guys away on a first date and you will be getting rid of dudes faster than you can say, "restraining order."

Easy Ways to Scare Guys Off:

  • If you can immediately tell you are not interested, yet you are forced to eat dinner with a guy, make sure to order something with beans or broccoli. If possible, try to get both. You will be full of gas in no time and ready to share the experience with him.
  • Start talking about your pets as if they are your children. Explain how much you hate leaving them home alone and tell him they must come along on the next date.
  • If you simply want to fail at dating for no real reason, make sure to stop bathing. That will do it.
  • For a truly annoying date, start talking about your period. Make sure to get as descriptive as possible.
  • Tell your date about the ghost that follows you everywhere. If you really want to take your story to the next level, ask for a chair for the ghost and mention how the ghost gets really jealous of every guy you date.
  • Talking about how much jewelry you will require for each holiday as bound to get rid of most guys. Be sure to mention it must be gold.
  • Start making your wedding plans on the first date. Go down a long list of everyone that should be invited. It will also help if you talk about how you already own your wedding dress.
  • If your date is a real grump, you can start to compare him to your angry ex-boyfriend. You should also tell him how your ex-boyfriend will be getting out of prison anyday now.
  • Make up a good story about how you were born with a tail, but it was surgically removed. Tell him you think maybe that means you are part monkey.
  • If you are a loud burper, make sure to belt a few out. Always remember that more soda can only help assist with that process.
  • Chew with your mouth open the entire date.
  • Text message your friends throughout the whole date. You might even want to take a photo of your date to send to your friends. Make sure to let him know your friends are interested in dating him if things don't work out.
  • If all else fails, pretend to fall asleep on the date. Eventually he is bound to leave when you don't wake up for a long time.

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Comments 21 comments

Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

Very funny jeannie. The talking about your period one takes the cake! I almost spit out my coffee. I'm glad I'm not dating anymore. I had a couple of real winners over the years.


Janine Huldie profile image

Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

Jeannie, I am currently off the market and married for six years, but seriously all the bad dates I had been on before meeting my husband I could have definitely used some of these. Sharing and voting too!!


Mom Kat profile image

Mom Kat 4 years ago from USA

Super Funny!! Loved reading this.


zsobig profile image

zsobig 4 years ago from United Kingdom

Lovely article with some very funny suggestions!

I have one good suggestion: there are several apps available for smartphones, that will automatically call you after a given time so you can act like there's something really important to do - so basically the phone helps you to get out of a weird situation :). Never tried it, but I'd love to hear someone who did!

Voted up + funny!


heidimedina profile image

heidimedina 4 years ago from Denver, CO

Too funny! I'm not on the market but these are great and I'm going to share with my single friends. Such great excuses!


jennzie profile image

jennzie 4 years ago from Lower Bucks County, PA

LOL great hub- I think all of these would scare away almost any guy!

Voted up/funny and shared.


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

Jeannie,

Thanks for sharing this funny hub! I enjoyed it! Coming from a guy's perspective, you did excellent here. I cracked up Jeannie!


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

Ha. This is great. I'll have to pass this on to my daughter, who is single. Great Hub. In His Love, Faith Reaper


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Ohhhhhhh Jeannie.......your poor parents. Have you been this way forever? These are some of the most horrible, grotesque...but SURE- to-do-the-trick, suggestions I've ever had the pleasure to read.

Of course, I'm not on the market.....but this list would be "invaluable" to me, girlfriend, if I was out there dating! You are an absolute trip....

To tell you the truth.....if I was single, I'd probably not date...I'd just go out and party with YOU! How could I possibly have more fun than that??? LOL UP++


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Glimmer Twin Fan - Thanks so much! In college, my friends and I used to get rid of guys by talking about our periods. There were too many creepy guys that would not leave us alone, but periods always got rid of them.

Janine Huldie - I am so happy for you. There certainly are a lot of creeps out there. It takes much longer to find the right person than I ever imagined. Thanks for the comment!

Mom Kat - Thanks! I am glad you liked it.

zsobig - You are so right. I think I need that app! Thanks for letting me know about this important app. Also, thanks for the votes!

heidimedina - Thank you for sharing my hub. I am happy you liked it. :-)

jennzie - Thanks for the votes! Yes, some of these methods I've even tried and they do work.

josh3418 - Hahaha... I am glad to know these will definitely work on guys. :-) Thanks for the comment!

Faith Reaper - Thanks for passing along my hub! I appreciate it.

fpherj48 - That is so true. Partying with you sounds like it would be a good time. Being single and dating just isn't the fun people claim it will be. Thanks for the votes and the comment!


prairieprincess profile image

prairieprincess 4 years ago from Canada

Jeannie, this is hilarious! I loved the one about talking about your ex-boyfriend who was angry. I admit I did that on a date, once. (blush!) These are so funny, and I think we should some of these ideas up in the washroom so women who escape to the washroom could get some ideas. Voted up and more!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, that is a good idea. This can help women who've ran to the bathroom to escape dates. Thanks for the vote up!


Jamie Brock profile image

Jamie Brock 4 years ago from Texas

This is too funny.. you are hilarious! You have given lots of great ways to get rid of him quickly... LOVE the part monkey one.. but I don't' know if I would be good enough to be able to do it with a straight face though.. voting UP and funny!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks so much, Jamie. I am happy you liked it. Yeah, keeping a straight face is definitely the challenge in this situation.


Alecia Murphy profile image

Alecia Murphy 4 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

As always, genius. I think the beans one is a silent killer but definitely awesome. About the period one, that's definitely for someone you want to never see again ever. Great hub!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Trust me, the period discussion scares away just about any guy. If at first it doesn't work, detailed descriptions will always work. :-) Thanks for checking out my hub!


TimFellow profile image

TimFellow 4 years ago from The Universe

Dating can be an odd thing. 2 people with their guards up, not wanting to be completely who they are. None of those things would scare me away cause there are more important things that I focus on. For example, I was on a date with a young lady and I noticed myself falling prey to the socially conditioned ideas of what dating is. There was no real sharing. What seemed like sharing was just ego driven nonsense. I switched my mindset to what I learned about life and how the outside world is a mirror for yourself. When I started to feel like who I was the meaningless words drifted from my mind I became quiet. It was in that silence that I found a connection to this person. I learned that words don't need to fill the air when you're meeting someone for the first time. Just looking in their eyes says enough. When I dated people there was this urge to just keep talking. When I stopped paying attention to the noise I really got a lot from it. I felt very much in love with the person I was with and I just met her. It's amazing what you can say when no words are spoken. This is very long, sorry. What a well written hub by the way. You are a good writer.


TimFellow profile image

TimFellow 4 years ago from The Universe

Awkwardness really melts away when you are in a state of giving and love.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I do know what you mean. Dating is so awkward when you try so hard to do what is expected. Honestly, I guess it is awkward no matter what. It is harder to date once you do have your guard up, too. I guess that is why people who are younger are so much more open to it. Thanks for the comment!


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

....I scare away women all of the time and I haven't had a date since Ronald Reagan was President - which is why I have the 'cat' (well two actually) and I am single, hopeless and pathetic at 54 - lol - but love 'your' sense of humor though, your wit and your irony - which makes you a world class writer in this genre - sending you warm wishes and good energy from lake erie time ontario canada 12:10pm


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks for checking out my hub. And you are not hopeless and pathetic. There is nothing wrong with being single... at least, that is what I tell myself each day. Thanks so much for being so sweet (and not pathetic!) :-)

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