Emily talks from her heart

Emily

Emily with some of her high school friends who helped cheer me up!
Emily with some of her high school friends who helped cheer me up!
Emily sporting her new look!
Emily sporting her new look!
Emily smiling!
Emily smiling!
Emily is so cute!
Emily is so cute!
Emily
Emily
Emily
Emily
Matty and dad (Pre-Emily)
Matty and dad (Pre-Emily)
"Little Eddie" at 4 when she knew she was a "girl"
"Little Eddie" at 4 when she knew she was a "girl"

Emily expresses her feelings and emotions of Life

I have done everything asked of me and tried to live within the confines of my personal entrapment as a boy when deep down in my heart I identified as a girl. I listened to my parents, my teachers and my little circle of friends. I existed in my life and did all the right things but if you asked me to describe my feelings at that time it would be one of great pain and frustration so I always had to pretend and try to accept my lot in life. As the years passed I continued on as Ed, a nice guy but so painfully shy and knowing deep down he was really a "she" and had to keep it her life long secret. I remember the ages I was when I was desperate to star transition. I identified as a "girl" since the age of 4 and at 16 I wanted to avoid puberty and start transitioning to become a girl. I had no one to confide in and I was tortured as I felt I could not speak to my family so I had to just deal with it on my terms. I was so alone. My parents also struggled with depression and that was one of the main reasons I could not speak about it.

Once my mom passed at the young age of 49 just at the cusp of becoming 50 within a few months she simply lost her will to go on as she was confined to a hospital bed. She actually was non cooperative with the staff and kept pulling her feeding tubes out eventually starving herself to death. It was a very painful time for us and especially for my dad.

When I was in my early 30's having been laid off I went to a transgender identity clinic where I wanted to learn about the process of transitioning and was ready to start but I was living at home with my dad and I knew I couldn't go through with it. I had to put on my brave face and just try my best to live my whole life as a guy betraying the feelings and promises I made to the "little girl" pleading to be set free. I truly felt for her but there was nothing I could do but quietly absorb the continuing heartbreak and isolation caused by my being male to female transgender.

I started going for therapy in my mid 30's finally after trying to deal with this by myself. I discussed my needs to transition and needed to go about it the right way but I was concerned for my dad and how he would be affected so I put the idea on the back burner as I always have never confronting my feelings. In essence I ran from then and never truly addressed them and my therapist decided to see if I would be interested in meeting a girl, young, beautiful and very shy. I was very nervous at first but when I was given her phone number I called her and we scheduled a date. When I first met her I was in love as she was so beautiful and sweet. It was my first experience with a girl and I en joyed her company, We dated for several months, seeing movie, music concerts and eating out. I was happy but I did not discuss my transgender identity and was afraid if I did she wouldn't want to stay with me. In reality I could not tell anyone but my therapist. I was very happy but also conflicted.

We met in September 2007 and were married in September 2008 and in December 2008 became the proud parents of a baby boy which I credit to my wife for all her courage and the tremendous amount of pain she endured,

Our heartbreak was discovering our son was autistic and had no control over his action which worsened as he got older. We are trying desperately to have him place in a residential school as we speak.

There were two tragedies that occurred to propel myself towards male to female once I started seeing a new therapist. I was struggling with the need to come out in the wake of my dad's suicide on April 16, 2009 and my best friend who was there for me to help me cope passed away at age 40 two years later leaving behind a wife and baby girl. After many visits I reached a difficult decision which was hard to come to grips with because I have a wife and teenage son but my happiness and emotional well being was at stake.

I had many long conversation with my wife and son and I literally came out to others through Facebook and my two blogs. I really had no choice.

I am now out of work on medical disability and working with my wife to help him get situated in a residential school because that seem the only other option left on the table and we must act on it and take full advantage if we are going to survive as a family with no tragedies.

I pray for my wife and son who need the love and support to get through these difficult matters and poor economy.

God Bless all those close to me.

Love,

Emily


Emily speaks from her heart

Cassadee Pope and Hey Monday

Cassadee Pope

Cassadee Pope
Cassadee Pope

Emily upbeat on Youtube (Better quality)

Emily speaks about life

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