Enough With The “Coming Out” Gays, It’s Time To Come In…to Yourself. This Goes For Straightees Too!

I’m just as guilty as the next gay when it comes to looking at supposed news articles when the words, “comes out” are included in the headline. Is he or isn’t he? Is she? We all wonder because we’ve all been taught that if a celebrity gay comes out, they’re going to be an instant role model, help gays be accepted in society and some day all the billions of dollars spent in the US to make gays second class citizens will be for naught and it’s all because someone from the Pro Bowler Tour kissed their husband when they won on national television. Look at the straight celebrities we expect to be role models and how well they do, I’m sorry to say that we gays are no different in this area. Just because you’re gay and a celebrity doesn’t make you a role model. And yes, there are going to be gay divorces but you can’t cite that as a cause to not allow gays to marry because then the straightees with their track record wouldn’t be able to get married either. We’re not going to be better at the rights we’re going to eventually get, they’ll just look better on us.

So as it so often does, after an afternoon of catching up on all things gay on sites like the Huffington Post and Queerty.com it came to me that we’ve got to redecorate the “coming out” process and we need to start with the name and then some new thinking. So instead of “coming out” I say It’s time to “come in”…to yourself. (Straightees can do it too!) I don’t doubt that there are a lot of homosexuals out there who have the need to come out with a big “ta dah” and immediately get on a Pride parade float, and good for them. But somewhere along the way we seem to have lost the importance of this whole process now that “coming out” is part of the world’s daily vernacular. Now that we’ve got some laws on the books regarding discrimination and gays are getting more television time than Charlie Sheen, it’s time we start teaching the next generation of gays that the idea of “coming out” isn’t as important as coming into your own. We’ve got to start helping everyone figure out that being gay doesn’t mean you’re going to have to commit to memory every lyric of every Lady Gaga song and be ostracized by the world at large but it does mean you’re going to need to do some work on accepting yourself before you do anything else.

Believe me when I say that I get that we forty-something gays owe a hell of a lot to the gays who “came out” and fought the fight to get us where we are today. The same way the younger gays owe us but as you get older you figure out that more than trying to gain anyone else’s approval for who you are as a person, your own approval is the one that’s needed most and most commonly overlooked by us. It’s time to go back to basics here, start with you and then you can worry about everyone else. It’s like a conversation I had recently with a gal pal. What I discovered recently was that the old adage they sold me about, “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else” is a load of crap. What you need to realize is that you are lovable. I don’t love everything about me but for a long time I spent my time in my now 24+ year relationship worrying about showing him how much I loved him without any realization that I myself am quite the catch! So screw trying to love yourself, just realize that you’re lovable (and as my grandmother used to say, “there’s a lid for every pot”). The same thing goes for being gay, you have to do the work on admitting and accepting yourself first before you put on the rainbow t-shirt. (God, how I loathe the whole rainbow thing, that needs to be redecorated too!)

Sure, some may say it’s semantics but I think it’s something more. Exposure by gay celebs saying they’re gay still helps the kid in Topeka who somehow still doesn’t know that you can be a world class boxer and a gay but we need to start promoting that it doesn’t “get better” until you do some work on you. It’s not going to get better because time passes and a few more rights as citizens come your way. It’s going to get better because you’re going to start realizing that you’re gay and that you’re lovable. So enough of the coming out and start coming in…to your own young gays because much like Whitney Houston did, “I believe that young gays are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way.”

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RavenBiker profile image

RavenBiker 3 years ago from Pittsburgh, PA.

Bitter is not attractive. Well expressed though.


somelikeitscott profile image

somelikeitscott 3 years ago from Las Vegas Author

RavenBiker - appreciate the comment. Interesting to me you read it as bitter. Thanks again for reading and writing in!

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