Domestic Violence Help- New Start
Domestic Violence-when escaping a domestic
Are you suffering from domestic violence right now or do you know someone in that position that you would love to help ? Are you wanting Ideas on how to escape domestic violence and have a new start in life free from violence and pain?
Below are some ideas for you to read about when escaping a domestic situation.
I had a friend a long time ago who lived in the same street as me who would turn up with bruises on her arm, her face and one day I asked her straight out " Is your husband hitting you ?" and she said yes.
She was staying with him only because she had hardly any money and thought she would need to much money to buy furniture for a new place,to be able to move and no family to go to etc.I had a chat with her as I had seen a movie about this kind of situation and the big mistake the woman made in the movie was telling her husband during an argument that she was leaving him & started packing a suitcase .This just made him furious with her and he ended up killing her.
I have never been in that situation but I had a good long think about what a woman should do about it and if I was ever to have it happen to me how would come up with an escape plan so as to safely escape ?
Escape Plan _ New Start
This is also for males who are with an abusive female as it can be either way in a relationship as we know.
First of all make sure you work out your escape plan very carefully .
If you don't have a lot of money try save on your shopping bill each week as much as possible so you can start keeping some money for an escape when possible .
Maybe you can earn a bit extra income during the day on the side within the hours you usually have to yourself.
Try not to argue with him or her in the meantime so hopefully he wont be as abusive towards you
.Find out about women's refuge centers in another town somewhere not your own one if possible and the easiest/cheapest ways to get there when needed.
.Open a bank account in your name and try keep your account book with a close friend/family member so there is no chance of him finding it but you can pick it up when needed .
Keep all your important papers , things you would need to take in one place so you can get organised in a very short time.
Take photos of your bruises , injuries an keep them as evidence of the abuse , don't let him /her see the photos you have .
Find out about buses , trains to the town or city you are planning on going to ahead of time if you don't have a car you can travel with Check out the women's domestic violence crisis service
Don't worry about having to much money for furniture as you can manage with the basics for now.
Plan on taking the children if you can so they don't get abused when you are gone.
When you have worked out when you are going to leave act normal so he doesn't get suspicious.
Don't tell the children or anyone that could tell him about your plans
Remember this is to SAVE YOUR LIFE & your sanity not for any thing else.
Plan to leave within an hour of him having gone to work so as to get a good head start on him looking for you
Don't pack anything till after he leaves , just in case , Act normal as he leaves, say the same thing you normally do, this is crucial to your getting away.
Get your gear together , make sure you have everything that you will need in the way of paperwork,photos etc.
Don't do anything vindictive to his gear as you are leaving as this could go against you later.
Take some clothes but remember they can be replaced.Make sure any money you plan on using is now in your private account as you wont want to use a joint one as he can track you down that way.
Get a taxi if you can to the bus /train station so as to avoid to much notice from neighbors
AS an idea you can put a rinse through your hair and wear different clothes to than what you wore when he left for work and if asked for a name for a bus ticket make one up.This will make it harder for him to track you down if he asks about a blond in a blue dress and you went on as a red head with a white top and black skirt.
When you leave the house wear a coat & hat so the neighbors can't see your hair & outfit .
Hopefully you will have organised a safe place to go to for a few days so you can get yourself sorted out/
There are women's refuge centers around that you can call with a toll free number in advance that I am sure will give you good advice and help.
My friend left her abusive husband after a very nasty attack & received a flat to live in & a job so she could make a new start
Reading books can help you
After the escape- A new start
Once you have made it safely to a new home be careful about how you tell your husband you have left to avid problems in your new place.
Don't call him on a phone that will give away your new location or a letter with a postmark.
If you do phone him try not to say you have left him or say anything to make him really mad .
Find support as soon as you can from as many places as possible/ Let the local police know of your situation and organise a restraining order to be on the safe side.
Local op shops are able to help out with shopping vouchers, food, money toward some bills. clothes and furniture .Don't be scared to ask as they are there to help.
Join a local library so you can save money on books & magazines to read as well as meet new people , If you have young children find a playgroup as soon as you can so it takes their mind of what is happening & again you can both make new friends & have support.
Now is a good time to think about your favorite hobbies and look for a group to join for company and friendship.
Dont feel ashamed or that you are to blame as you are not . The one who is to blame is the abuser .
Feel free to ask me any questions . I will try to help where I can but not with money as I dont have much of that myself !
- National Domestic Violence Hotline
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