Being friends with your ex, does it work in the long run?

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Things to think about

If you want to be able to move on and find a relationship that works, you cannot let your ex in the position to throw a wrench in the new relationship. Your new mate will definitely be jealous over the ex that continues to hang around and the new man will also think that you are not over your ex. I have experience with this.

When I was in my freshman year in high school I made best friends with this boy and then after we graduated we started to date, after promising to always remain friends, three years later he was cheating on me and I left him. I tried to remain friends as we promised but he would throw a wrench into every relationship I had from there on, even if there were boundaries in place. Finally I decided to give him up over a year and half ago, after 13 years of friendship, and now I have this incredible relationship with a man (i met a year ago on the 31st of October) that is more than I could have imagined a man would be. I really thought of my ex as my soul-mate, but I was wrong...there was a reason it didn't work and honestly if we would have ever tried again it would have been the same all over again and I would have missed out on the man I have now.

I think if you want to move on with your life, you need to move on with your life. How much baggage do you want to carry into any new relationship? And how would you feel if you hooked up with a guy who was best friends with his ex and they were hanging out and still close? Could you honestly deal with being the third wheel and would you be okay with that?

I am not saying it isn't possible to stay friends but often one or the other in the ex-dating situation is secretly hoping to have their ex has a fall back in the long run. So what is best for you? If you plan on having them as a fall back, then why waste time? Just get back together and work out your problems , you obviously don't want to let them go. Why continuously hurt them and yourself and risk bringing others into the situation to get hurt by you both?

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Comments 13 comments

SanXuary 5 years ago

I agree I had to give up on seeing my son because of this. Hopefully, this break will add some distance so I can see him again someday.


Erin Boggs1 profile image

Erin Boggs1 5 years ago from Western Maryland Author

I hope that it will give you the time and clarity to think about the situation in a clear and rational manner to find a solution that will work for both of you. I am sorry that it is causing you to miss out on precious time with your son. That is not fair to either you or your son but maybe your ex will recognize that and be willing to come to a compromise.


Erin Boggs1 profile image

Erin Boggs1 5 years ago from Western Maryland Author

I hope that it will give you the time and clarity to think about the situation in a clear and rational manner to find a solution that will work for both of you. I am sorry that it is causing you to miss out on precious time with your son. That is not fair to either you or your son but maybe your ex will recognize that and be willing to come to a compromise.


ardnaxela 5 years ago from United States Of America

I am good friends with my ex from high school. We have known each other for about 11 years now, and our friendship is stronger then it was in high school. As for my most recent ex, we are not on a talking basis. I am not friends with him only because he was abusive towards me and my children.


Erin Boggs1 profile image

Erin Boggs1 5 years ago from Western Maryland Author

I have been a single mother since I was a teenager and my ex from high school was a good friend. When I finally married at age 22, I ended up marrying a man (not my ex from high school) that beat my children and me. I was finally able to be set free at 25 but I should have died at least a 100 times at his hands. I know all about the being beat around thing...May I ask did the abusive ex ever try to argue with you about the high school ex?

My ex husband beat me over my friendship with my ex from high school. [I try not to give every detail of my life here, I really hate the way people look at me and over look the most important thing...I SURVIVED.] But I have to give up my ex to find the best man that has ever stood beside me. I could list the similarities between me and my ex which would make our relationship seem so perfect...and I could list the similarities between me and my boyfriend and you would think we were created for each other. I am just saying that sometimes you have to let something go so you have room in your life for something more. Well that was how it worked for me, but every situation is different. I would love to talk to privately to share our life experiences and so that neither one of us have too much personal information floating around on the internet. Would you be okay with doing that?


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico

Hi Erin: Isn't life tough and aren't relationships difficult; the wrong people have ruined many lives. Things mostly don't last and we need to know when to let go. Unfortunately, it's usually harder for one or the other in the affair. The sobriquet "Ex" seems to appear everywhere these days: everyone is an ex or has several "exes". Maybe we should abbreviate it further...my "X"

Bob


Erin Boggs1 profile image

Erin Boggs1 5 years ago from Western Maryland Author

lol I have to agree with you Bob. It would definitely make jotting it down easier, just one letter that everyone understands.


Erin Boggs1 profile image

Erin Boggs1 5 years ago from Western Maryland Author

lol I have to agree with you Bob. It would definitely make jotting it down easier, just one letter that everyone understands.


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 5 years ago from North Carolina

Well, it sounds like you have managed to improve your life, learn from your previous mistakes and move forward. Good for you.

Good riddance to bad rubbish. At least he is not the father of your children where you would be required to allow visitation.


Erin Boggs1 profile image

Erin Boggs1 5 years ago from Western Maryland Author

Yes Good riddance. Life has been a learning process


KoraleeP profile image

KoraleeP 5 years ago from Vernon British Columbia Canada

I have found that generally in any "platonic" relationship that one of the parties likes the other more than they are supposed to. To maintain a friendship with an X you really need to trust that their intentions are to be a true friend and not try to sabotage other relationships.


Erin Boggs1 profile image

Erin Boggs1 5 years ago from Western Maryland Author

Very true. Lots of X's are willing to sabotage there exes relationships to get them back. It is a shame that some people have such ulterior motives.


kerlynb profile image

kerlynb 5 years ago from Philippines, Southeast Asia, Earth ^_^

"I think if you want to move on with your life, you need to move on with your life." - It's that simple. We cannot live in the past and just have to learn from it. Past can be a sentimental thing but let's just be happy with the memories and try not to regret too much about them.

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