Expectations in Relationships

Where do we go from here!

What do we expect from relationships nowadays? Perhaps we are so influenced by the media, by that I mean television and magazines, that we have all moved into a huge arena of high expectations.

First, there are these new model sizes which lets face it are talked about an awful lot! Size 8 and size 6. When I was in my twenties in the 80's, I didn't even know that these sizes existed. Can someone please tell me if they did? You were considered slim as a size 12 and a size 10 you were probably a little on the thin side. So much emphasis is put on looks, shape, image as the combination of these things makes women powerful?

It has certainly been my experience that men have asked me on the telephone, are you a size so and so. I would soon start justifying my appearance to suit someone elses expectations of what I looked like before I even went on the first date! How embarrassing is that, would they like us ladies to do the same! The last guy I went on two dates with and never again, told me that I needed to lose about 2 stone on our second date because I'm a size 14.I met him Salsa dancing and he never said anything there.

Then there is all the other expectations of do not say the "L" word too early. Don't say how you feel because men like the thrill of the chase (hunter gatherers". But do any of these men have to run around and catch a wild beast nowadays in order to impress a woman. What do they have to do? Not really sure about that one but it would appear to be sometimes very little because they are not even be committed to one person and no doubt an awful lot of women are the same. Where are we all headed if we are not even prepared to give things a chance.

We live in a society where people have forgotten good manners. Where people let down others by text. Where messages are mis-read, applied differently and basically everything is so abstract I wonder if there is any chance of making a "good relationship with someone at all." It is simply not cool to say what you mean for fear of either rejection of you, or frightening the other person off so they can hunt out someone even more abstract.

What we should be doing is sitting down with young people and teaching them to communicate. To be honest I have gone past the charm and good looks and even oh "good personality" and moved straight on to can he hold eye contact. How long can he focus for after looking at that computer screen all day!

Even if he couldn't focus because of his or even her mad dog job which probably meant working more hours than was humanly healthy, surely his/her mother should teach that it is rude to continue to talk to someone whilst looking around the room. That is if you are lucky because they could be staring right across the room at someone else whilst tapping their fingers on the pub table.

So what is it we want from our relationships if commitment and good conversation aren't an option? I think it is natural and normal that we want to be heard. It isn't about emotional baggage but rather feeling human and it gives us a sense of equality. Not only do we want that acknowledgement but we also need to feel that whatever we say is worthy of someone's attention. Then lets face it, we will be only too happy to give the same in return. We don't like mixed message, ambigious texts or see you soon. Do we know if soon is soon or maybe it is soooooooooooooooooooooooooon.

I was once told by my meditation teacher to lower my expectations and I would be alright. Surely if we all lower our expectations then that makes less alright? People have a lovely way of stamping on other's emotions

So next time you meet someone, look them in the eye and say "I am listening" because it means so much more than a text!




Comments 2 comments

Pieter Bos 5 years ago

You are so right, we have so many expectations and are in such a hurry to have them met that we hardly have time to listen to each other... One of my tweets today is "Giving full attention is an act of love". However this all starts with giving full attention to your inner conversations and find the more precious beyond it: the inner source of silence. From there the patience might develop to give full attention to other people as well. Which has a far deeper impact than just being polite.


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Jennifer Lynch 3 years ago from Stowmarket, Suffolk. Author

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